"Oh my gosh, that picture is all crooked." Tess straightened out a picture of a rose on the wall above her TV and declared, "Better."
Michael squinted, trying to figure out what was different about it. He had never even noticed that it was crooked in the first place. But then again, girls noticed a host of things guys didn't.
"So," Tess said, planting herself on the couch, "what did you boys wanna talk to me about? Ooh, I feel like such a therapist lately." She giggled excitedly.
"Well, Michael's the one in need of therapy," Kyle explained. "Go ahead, Michael."
"Right." Michael cleared his throat, slightly uncomfortable with the idea of telling Tess everything. She was one of his closest friends, but she liked to talk a lot, and there was always a chance that she might let something slip out. But he had no other options. "Well, Tess," he said, "recently . . . very recently, I discovered something about myself." He shook his head, thinking it sounded as though he were coming out of the closet. "This isn't as gay as it sounds," he promised. "Actually, it isn't gay at all, because I . . . see, I may have . . . I may possess . . . it's possible that . . . well, it's come to my attention . . . in some way, shape, or form . . . over the course of the past few months . . ."
"Oh, just spit it out," Kyle groaned impatiently.
"Would you give me a minute?"
"No. He likes Maria," his friend blurted.
Tess's eyes lit up. "What? Michael!"
"I was getting to that."
"You like Maria?" Tess squealed excitedly.
"Yeah, are you surprised?"
"No, I totally knew. I just didn't know that you knew. And I didn't know you were gonna tell me once you knew."
"He just found out," Kyle informed her. "It was a process, let me tell you."
"This is so cute!" Tess exclaimed.
"It's embarrassing," Michael mumbled.
"Why?"
"I don't know. It just is."
"And it's complicated, too, which is why we came to you," Kyle added. "See, Maria decided she's moving in with Billy."
"What?" Tess spat. "Ew!"
"It's funny how everyone has the same reaction," Michael remarked. If only Maria had that reaction.
"She's moving in with that sleaze-bag?" Tess couldn't seem to comprehend the idea. "Is she, like, crazy?"
"Apparently. It's one of the things Guerin here likes best about her," Kyle teased.
"You know, you guys can make this as comedic as you want, but this is serious," Michael said. "I don't want Maria to move out, and I really don't want her moving in with Billy. I don't know what to do."
"I'd suggest telling her that, but it's probably too straight-forward," Tess thought out loud. "Hmm . . ."
"I knew it wasn't a good idea to tell her," Michael grumbled at Kyle.
"Then what should he do, wise one?" Kyle asked Tess. "The boy is clueless."
"Hey, clueless boy got a romantic slow dance last night," Michael reminded him, "which is more action than you've gotten in your entire life, so . . ."
"Shut up!" Kyle roared, immediately defensive.
"You slow-danced with Maria?" Tess smiled, looking as though she were about to melt. "So cute!"
"Well, until he let Billy cut in," Kyle made sure to add.
"Oh." Tess shook her head. "Not good. But it's a tricky situation. He can't be too possessive, because then he'll look, you know, too possessive. But on the other hand, he has to let her know that he cares about her. If only Billy wasn't in the mix." She sighed frustratedly. "Well, do you want my advice?"
"Yes," both Michael and Kyle answered in unison.
"Don't rush things," Tess advised. "Act normal; be her friend. She'll come around if you take things slow."
"How much slower can he take it?" Kyle grunted. "He's already at a snail's pace."
"Then he can switch to, like, a baby snail's pace." Tess shrugged.
Kyle laughed and teased, "Baby snail."
"There's just one small problem with that plan," Michael said. "She's moving out, remember?"
"Yeah, but she'll come around in time," Tess promised. "I know Maria. She may be a little slow, but she's not an idiot."
"Well, she's moving in with Billy, so you may wanna re-think that assessment," Kyle suggested.
"True. But she'll come to her senses soon enough," Tess assured. "I mean, why wouldn't she? Michael's a nice guy; Billy's a loser guy. It's a simple decision. If you're a young girl looking for romance, you go for the nice guy."
Michael and Kyle both gave Tess a look of disbelief. Did she even hear what she was saying? If she did, why didn't she take her own advice.
"What?" she asked.
Kyle looked as though he were about to cry. "Well, Tess, that's a great theory, but in all actuality . . ."
"Wait a minute," Tess cut in, rising to her feet again. "The picture's crooked again." She crossed her living room to straighten it out.
Kyle leaned over and whispered sorrowfully, "Hello, nice guy waiting in the wings."
"It sucks to be us," Michael said.
"I know!"
"Fixed it," Tess announced, sitting back down on the couch. "Maybe . . ." She narrowed her eyes at the painting, still uncertain.
"Look, Tess, I don't think you're understanding the urgency of our situation," Michael said, getting her back on track. "Maria's moving out soon. As in very. As in by the end of the week."
"What?" Tess spat. "Well, why didn't you just say so? Here you are beating around the bush when we have a major deadline to meet! I mean, if I'd known about this time crunch . . ." She trailed off in exasperation, took a deep breath, and announced, "I'm over it. Alright, scrap that whole 'take it slow' strategy. We need to act fast."
Michael tensed. "I don't know if I can." He had only just figured his feelings out yesterday. He wasn't sure if he was ready to act on them or even how to act on them.
"No, no, no, you are not doing anything," Tess ground out warningly. "You're gonna stand back and be the supportive friend, because we can't risk her getting mad at you. Meanwhile, sneakiness will ensue."
"It will? Who's gonna be sneaky?" Michael glanced at Kyle out the corner of his eye and begged, "Please don't say him."
"No, me," Tess said. "I'll be the sneaky one."
Michael breathed a sigh of relief. That could work.
"Wow," Kyle said. "That is so hot."
Michael ignored him and asked Tess, "What're you gonna do?" He wanted to have a general idea since his future love life was on the line.
"Just trust me, I've got it covered." She smirked confidently and got up to mess with the crooked picture again.
"I told you we were bringin' out the big guns," Kyle leaned over and said to Michael quietly. "And what big guns they are!" He cupped his hands up by his chest to indicate Tess's sizable breasts. "Yeah!"
Michael rolled his eyes and laughed. While he didn't have any thoughts on the 'big guns' themselves, he had to admit that he felt a lot better now that Tess was involved. She was a girl. She knew what she was doing.
...
Tess followed Maria to Billy's house around noon that day. She drove behind her, careful never to get too close, and waited outside in her car while Maria went inside, carrying a box marked more clothes. Maria didn't stay long, only about twenty minutes. Tess ducked down behind her steering wheel as her friend came back out without the box, hopped into her car, and drove off. Then she set her plan in motion.
She drove forward, parking in front of the house, and stepped out of the car, adjusting the fishnet stockings she was wearing. It took her a minute to get her footing in her knee-high black leather boots. The heels were three inches high and narrow. She pulled her red leather mini-skirt downward so that it didn't show too much and pulled her black tube top downward as well so that her cleavage was massive. It was a dominatrix costume, one Max had purchased for her during his kinky phase sophomore year. She could barely walk in the outfit; it was so uncomfortable. But Billy would like it. He would like it a little too much.
She put on a pair of black sunglasses in an attempt to disguise herself, grabbed her whip out of the car, and psyched herself up to act slutty. Acting slutty for Billy would be gross, but it would be worth it.
The front door was unlocked, so she turned the knob, pushed the door open, and stood in the doorway seductively. Billy was looking at some of the clothes in Maria's box, but when he saw her, his attention was immediately diverted.
"Hello, handsome," she greeted, forcing herself to play the part. Billy might have been handsome had he not been so disgusting.
"Well, hello," he returned, slowly rising to his feet. "Who are you?"
"A present," she answered carefully. "Your friends hired me. For you. Satisfaction guaranteed."
Billy grinned. "Christmas present?"
"More like a housewarming gift." She stepped inside and looked around. "Your house doesn't have a backdoor," she remarked. "Lucky for you, I do." She snapped her whip against the floor, causing him to jump back slightly, startled. "So," she said, "here I am, bought and paid for. I'm yours until midnight. Limber. Eager. Up for anything."
The glint of sexual intrigue in his eyes was almost enough to make her vomit. He looked her up and down and remarked, "You're not bad."
Not bad? She grunted in disdain. "Understatement. Now how do you want it, gorgeous? Me on top or on all fours?" She winced slightly, remembering the way Max had treated her like a thing in that position a few nights ago.
"I'm tempted," Billy admitted, slowly making his way towards her, "but you, my dear, look very familiar." He reached up and took off her sunglasses before she could stop him. She looked away, furious that he had found her out. The dumb-ass wasn't as dumb as he looked.
"Hey, you're Maria's friend. I remember you from the club that one night," he said. "Tess."
"I'm still your housewarming gift," she told him, not ready to give up yet. "If you want me to be."
He stared at her questioningly and asked, "Did Maria put you up to this? Is this some kind of test or somethin'?"
"Maria doesn't know anything about this," she told him, dragging her whip along the side of his leg. "And I think we should keep it that way."
He didn't make any effort to back away. "I thought you two were friends."
"Yeah. We were," she said. "Until Maria's hatred for my boyfriend drove us apart."
"Got a guy, huh?"
"Almost as hot as you are." Again, she vomited on the inside. Max didn't have the greatest personality in the world, but he had a body and a face to die for, and those were two things Billy didn't have.
He chuckled. "What're you really doin' here?"
She sighed, hating that he was seeing through her. "You want the truth?" She placed the whip in between his legs, slowly inching it upward. "Maria almost drove me and my boyfriend apart. I figure the best way to get back at her is to sleep with hers." She was so glad she wasn't really this kind of person. If Billy knew her at all, he would know that she would never do that to a friend.
"Interesting."
"Mmm-hmm. So? What do you say?" She raised the whip even farther to rub against his cock. His body jerked in response, and he grinned mischievously.
"You're definitely sexy," he said, "but . . ." He took the whip from her hands and tossed it out the front door. "I don't think so."
She frowned, pretending to be disappointed. "Why not?"
He shook his head and stepped back from her. "I can't."
"Because of Maria? Because you're so devoted and committed to her that you could never cheat on her?" If that was really the case, then she and Michael and Kyle were going to have to wage an all-out war.
"No," Billy said. "Because you female types always talk. Whether you're friends or not, you always run those pesky mouths. If I slept with you, you'd tell her, and I can't have that. She rides my cock too good." He grinned smugly.
Gross, Tess thought. Such a gross guy. But her mission was suddenly a mission accomplished. Billy had said all she needed to hear. He was right about girls: they talked. And she was going to tell Maria everything he'd just said.
"Okay," she said. "I understand." She put her sunglasses back on, smiled at him as though she could actually tolerate him, and strode back outside (as much as she could stride in her leather ensemble). She picked up the whip and walked back out to her car, smirking.
Satisfaction guaranteed, she thought happily. She was more than satisfied with the way her plan had just gone.
...
"So let me get this straight: You followed me to Billy's, dressed up like a prostitute . . ."
"Like a stripper," Tess corrected adamantly.
"Like a stripper. And you tried to seduce him?" Try as she might, Maria just couldn't make sense of it. "What, is Max going through a bout of erectile dysfunction?"
Tess rolled her eyes. "I was never gonna sleep with him. I was trying to prove a point. He's a scumbag, Maria."
Maria grunted and walked into the bedroom. "Take a look at your boyfriend lately?" Tess had no idea how awful Max really was.
Tess followed her into the bedroom and said, "Don't try to turn the tables, missy. This isn't about me and Max."
"Look, Tess, I'm making a mature decision. I'm acting like a grown-up. Can't you just be happy or, I don't know, relieved or something?" Maria pulled open the closet doors and bent down to sort through her shoes. She was going to need a separate box for those. Possibly two. Or three.
"No, because my experiment yielded some pertinent results," Tess explained, kneeling down beside her.
"Pertinent?"
"Yes. Would you look at me?"
Maria sighed and looked at Tess instead of her shoes, though her shoes were being far less annoying. "Did he sleep with you?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Tess would never have let it go that far.
"No."
"Did he, at any point, seem like he wanted to sleep with you?"
"Yes, until he realized who I was," Tess replied. "And even then, I think he wanted to. He just didn't because he said—and this is a direct quote—'you female types always talk.' He said he couldn't sleep with me because I'd tell you, and he didn't want that to happen because . . . well, basically, he likes the way you fuck him. What a charmer, huh?"
"Well . . ." Maria really did wish his reasoning was better than that. "He didn't sleep with you. That's all that matters."
"Uh, no actually, all that matters is that he chose not to sleep with me for the wrong reasons," Tess explained emphatically. "It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with not getting caught. How's that make you feel?"
She didn't want to admit that it made her feel a little hurt, so instead she said, "Like I need to pack up my shoes."
"Maria!" Tess sat down on the carpet, looking completely exasperated. "Don't you get it? He's not the one for you."
"That's because I'm not looking for the one. I'm looking for the one right now," Maria told her. "And that's Billy, so . . ." She trailed off, leaving it at that.
"Well, why are you not looking for the one?" Tess asked brazenly. "I mean, what's the point of dating or having sex or doing anything remotely romantic if you're not looking for the one? You're settling, Maria."
"I'm not," she claimed.
"Yes, you are. Billy is an utter loser."
Maria narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Michael always liked to refer to Billy as a loser, too. "Did Michael put you up to this?" she asked outright.
"What? No."
"He did, didn't he?"
"No, Michael had no idea I was gonna enact this little plan," Tess insisted. "This was all me. He had nothing to do with it."
"It's like you guys both keep trying to sabotage my relationship, and I'm actually trying to make it work."
"We're just trying to look out for you," Tess explained. "And if we're both telling you the same thing . . . maybe you should listen. I've known you for twenty-one years, and Michael cares about you a lot. We both do. And obviously Billy doesn't."
The girl made a good argument. Maria hated the fact that her own argument wasn't as solid. "Do you know what I think?" she said. "I think maybe you should spend a little less time dissecting my relationship and a little more time dissecting your own. Oh, wait, you failed biology. Maybe you shouldn't dissect anything."
Tess's face registered hurt, and Maria immediately wished she hadn't said something so mean. "Tess, I'm sorry," she apologized quickly.
"No, you know what? I was trying to help you," Tess said, pushing herself back up onto her feet. "But go ahead and move in with Billy. It's your mistake to make."
Maria sat there with her shoes as Tess stormed out of the room and out of the apartment. She felt really bad, and not just about Tess, but about moving in with Billy, too. For the first time since she had decided on it, she was debating whether or not it was in her best interest.
...
Tess accompanied Kyle and Michael to Richards Hall where they had their Advanced Painting II class. The boys needed to turn in their final collections, and then they were done with the class. Tess got to see the portraits Michael had done of Maria for the first time. When she saw them, it was so obvious how he felt about her, and she wondered why he hadn't realized it sooner. No one could paint a person like that unless there was some deeper, internal desire involved.
"Poor guy," she said as she watched Michael trying to fend off a group of eager male classmates from ogling the naked painting. There were dozens of paintings set up all around the room, but his was drawing the most attention.
"He looked pretty sad when you told him your plan didn't work," Kyle said.
"I thought for sure it was gonna work. But Maria's just so stubborn, so determined to not see what's right in front of her eyes."
"Yep," Kyle said, nodding slowly. "Some girls are like that."
"And poor Michael," she went on, watching as he stood in front of the naked painting with his arms outstretched, trying to block the ever-burgeoning crowd's view of it. "He's such a nice guy, and he would make a great boyfriend. But he's stuck in the friend zone, and Maria's seeing someone else."
"Yeah," Kyle said. "That must suck."
"It's so cute, though. I mean, if Michael and Maria ever did get together, they'd be so adorable." She smiled just thinking about it. "'Cause they're so different, you know, but that's why they work together. I mean, just think about it: Michael got dumped. He got dumped big-time, and he thought he'd never fall for a girl again. But then he fell for Maria, and she just brought this light into his life without even realizing it. You know what I mean?"
Kyle nodded again. "I know."
"It's like she's a princess and he's her Prince Charming."
"Hmm." Kyle smiled. "Is that what Max is to you, your Prince Charming?"
She sighed, wishing he were. "Not quite. I don't think I have a Prince Charming."
Kyle nudged her shoulder gently with his shoulder and said, "I think you do."
He does? She smiled. That's so sweet.
"Hey, Guerin," Kyle said, making his way through the crowd to assist his friend. "Let me help you out with that." He grabbed a sheet that was covering someone else's painting and draped it over the naked painting instead, eliciting a groan from everyone who had been dying to see it.
Tess looked over Kyle's paintings. They were set up in front of her, and they were just as amazing as Michael's or any other student's as far as she could tell. Clearly he really loved Christina Aguilera.
...
Maria was waiting for Michael when he came home that evening. He said, "Hey," when he walked in the door, and she came right out and asked, "Did you know about Tess's plan to seduce Billy?"
He froze, looking as though he had just been hit with one grenade of a question. "Or . . . how was your history final?" he suggested.
"Sorry. How was your history final?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Ah, it was alright."
"So did you know?"
He took his coat off, laying it on the arm of the couch, and answered, "I didn't know. I knew she had a plan, but I didn't know the details."
"You knew she had a plan?" she echoed, trying to put the pieces together. "Why? Were you two, like, conspiring against me?"
"No. I told her you were moving in with Billy, and she didn't think it was such a great idea. So she decided to take matters into her own hands. Or breasts, I guess, with the plan she had."
She frowned. He was trying to joke, but she wasn't in a joking mood.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "She told me he didn't sleep with her, so . . . I guess he passed the test."
"Yeah, but . . ." She was still disappointed that his only reason for not sleeping with Tess had been to avoid getting caught. "Never mind," she said. "I'm just super stressed about this whole . . . thing. I'm kinda nervous."
"You, nervous?" He smiled warmly. "Since when?"
"Since . . . I don't know. Come here." She took his hand in hers and led him to the couch. "Sit down. Sit down with me."
They sat on the couch, and she curled up against him, resting her head on his chest. "It seems real now and it didn't before," she mumbled.
"Having second thoughts?"
"No, not really. Just like butterflies in my stomach, you know? There's gonna be bills to pay and groceries to buy. You do all that stuff now. I don't know if I can do it. And I realize I sound totally spoiled, but that's 'cause I am."
He chuckled. "You'll be fine."
"I hope so." She drummed her fingers atop his chest and tilted her head back to peer up at him. "Were you nervous when you moved into this apartment?"
"Yeah," he replied without hesitation. "I went from a dorm room to here. It was a bit of change. But I got used to it. I adjusted."
"But you're good at that. You're good at adjusting and learning new things."
"And you aren't? Come on, Maria, you learned an entire advanced salsa routine in two hours. You can learn to pay rent and stuff."
"I know," she said. "Were you ever worried you weren't gonna be able to make it on your own?"
"I was," he admitted, "those first couple months on my own. I was trying to work and go to school and study and spend time with Isabel and run errands. It was really hectic. I was goin' on about three hours of sleep per night."
"Ooh." She cringed. "I need more than that."
"Yeah. And my parents offered to help me out with money, but I didn't wanna have to do that. And Isabel said her dad could loan me some cash, but I definitely didn't wanna do that."
"Definitely not."
"So I buckled down, got used to it. And now it's a lot less stressful. It's all about time management."
"Time management," she contemplated. "I don't think I'm any good at that."
"You'll get good at it," he promised. "And you're not gonna be alone like I was. You'll have Billy. He'll help you out. Right?"
She wasn't so sure. Billy said he played gigs all around town, yet he hadn't played one since she'd known him. If they were going to rely on solely her job to pay the bills . . . that scared her.
"I'll always be here for you," he reminded her, stroking her hair. "And if you're having second thoughts, then maybe you shouldn't move."
"No, I'm moving," she decided. "It's the responsible, adult thing to do."
"Or maybe the responsible, adult thing to do would be to stay here," he suggested. "I'm just saying . . ."
She groaned. "Michael, you're making me more nervous."
"Sorry," he apologized. "I don't mean to. Look, Maria, I know you, and I know you're gonna be able to do this. Because there's nothing you can't do."
How sweet, she thought. But how untrue. There were plenty of things she couldn't do, and she was worried this was one of them.
...
Michael, Kyle, and Tess sat in the Student Union having coffee the next day, each of them relatively silent, still contemplating what to do about the Maria situation. The ideas didn't seem to be flowing until Tess exclaimed, "Oh! We could stick with my plan, but like version 2.0, in which we actually hire a real call girl. And Billy will sleep with her because he doesn't know her and he's not worried about getting caught, but we could be sneaky and, like, put one of those tiny, hidden FBI cameras in his house to catch him in the act; and then we could show the tape to Maria, and she'd get mad, and she wouldn't move in with him." Tess smiled proudly.
"Elaborate," Kyle remarked, "but possibly genius."
"Yeah, except those tiny FBI cameras cost thousands of dollars," Michael pointed out.
"Oh." Tess pouted. "Poo. Well, then, one of us could just stand outside the window and videotape the whole thing. Or, we don't even need visual evidence. We could just plant a cassette tape in the house and record all the sex sounds. A cassette, I know, is a little old-fashioned, but modern technology confuses me."
Michael just stared at her, dumbfounded. Where was she coming up with these crazy ideas?
"Or we could just think of something simpler," she mumbled. "God, this is so frustrating. Michael, I want you to know, I'm only sitting here strategizing for you. This has nothing to do with Maria. Yesterday, she was acting like a total bitcah."
"Thanks," he told her. He was happy to have all the help he could get, even if they weren't being particularly helpful at the moment.
The three of them fell silent again until Kyle piped up with an idea. "Oh, I know! We could get some ropes and tie her up to a chair and physically prevent her from moving out. Plus, ropes . . . kinky." He grinned like an idiot.
"Yeah, you know, I'm to the point where I think I should just kiss her," Michael announced.
"Yeah!" Kyle exclaimed. "Go for it, dude!"
"Uh, no, don't go for it," Tess advised.
"Why not? I'm a pretty good kisser," he informed her. "That might be hard to believe, but . . ."
"No, it's not hard to believe. It's just not something you wanna do," Tess said.
"No, that's exactly what I wanna do," he told her. All last night, he had been subtly looking at Maria's lips, contemplating it.
"Well, maybe it's what you wanna do, but it's not what you should do," Tess clarified. "If you kiss Maria now, she's gonna get confused and possibly freaked out, and then she's gonna move in with Billy for sure. That's not what we want, remember? If you stop acting like the supportive friend now, you're gonna do more harm than good. So stay supportive. Stay friendly. No kissing yet. Keep those lips to yourself, mister, you hear me?"
He sighed, resigning to it. Tess was probably right. Maria would get freaked out. She had probably never even thought of him in that way before.
"Then we're out of options," Kyle said, stating the obvious. "What do we do?"
"I'm starting to think we don't do anything," Tess said. "If we just sit back and let Maria move in with Billy, she's gonna get there, live with him for two weeks, tops, and realize that's not the lifestyle for her. And when she dumps Billy and moves out, who's gonna be waiting in his comfy, cozy apartment? Good old standby, Mr. Reliable."
"Good old standby? Mr. Reliable?" he echoed in horror. "Those are some sexy nicknames."
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she assured him. "What I mean is, you'll always be there for her, and sooner or later she's gonna realize that. And she's gonna move back in with you, and then you can feel free to kiss her. We won't even have to lift a finger." Tess smiled.
"So this is the passive plan," Kyle remarked. "We just sit back and let her make a mistake until she comes to her senses."
"The passive plan," Tess agreed. "Yep."
"Yep," Kyle said, nodding.
It sounded like the best option, but Michael hated the thought of her moving out at all. "Yep," he put in, wishing there were another way.
...
Maria took a large load of boxes over to Billy's that afternoon. She had no final that day, so she had some free time to pack up most her belongings, box them up, and take them over to her new residence. Billy didn't have a final until that evening, so he was able to help her.
"I just feel kind of bad," Maria said as she lifted the first of two shoe boxes out of the backseat of her car. "You know?"
"No. Can you take this?" Billy set the second shoe box down atop the first one she was carrying.
"Uh, sure," she said, confused as to why he was doing all the heavy lifting while he was texting on his cell phone. "Anyway, Michael and I have become, like, best friends, you know. And it's not like he has a whole lot of other friends. It's not like I have a whole lot of other friends. Not close ones." She set both boxes down next to the couch and walked outside again. Billy hadn't even followed her inside, so she'd just been talking to herself. "Who're you texting?" she asked him.
"No one," he replied, slipping his phone into his pocket. "Babe, I'm confused. I thought Michael didn't want you livin' with him in the first place."
"Well, he didn't at first. But then he got used to me, and I got used to living there, and I started liking living there. And now I think he wants me to stay."
Billy suddenly looked alert and alarmed. "You're not havin' second thoughts, are you?"
She sighed. Michael had asked her the same thing. "No," she said. "I don't think so."
"Good," he said, "'cause we're gonna live together and have so much sex." He grinned and took another box out of the car, carrying it inside.
She made a face. God, she loved sex, too, but didn't he ever think about anything else? "I know," she said, hauling her shampoo box inside behind him. "But Michael's trying to act like the supportive friend, you know, giving me all these motivational speeches—'Oh, you can do it, Maria.' But I can tell he doesn't want me to go."
"Too bad for him," Billy grumbled, setting down the box he was carrying.
"A little help with this?" she asked. The shampoo box was the heaviest of all.
Billy took the box from her and set it down carefully, groaning. "Damn, how much stuff you got, girl?"
"Michael carried all this stuff in himself when I moved in, up to the fifth floor of an apartment complex." She wanted him to cowboy up.
"Well, Michael's just wonderful, ain't he?" Billy grumbled.
"He is wonderful," she said. "And I'm worried about him. He, like, sank into a pit of despair when Isabel left. He was majorly depressed for awhile there. But he seems so much happier lately. I don't want him to get depressed when I leave."
Billy grunted. "That's a little selfish, don't you think?"
She frowned. "How-how is that selfish?" She didn't understand.
"To think that you could ever mean as much to him as the love of his life," Billy elaborated.
She kept frowning. "No, I don't think that," she denied.
"Don't you?"
"No," she insisted. "I know that I can't compare to Isabel in his eyes. And it's a totally different situation. But she left him, and now I'm gonna leave him, and granted, I'm not even leaving town, but I still feel bad about it. And clearly you don't understand that, but he cares about me. And I care about him, too, and . . ." She stopped before she got too worked up. "You know what?" she said, turning to head back outside. "I'm gonna go get more boxes."
...
Michael rode up the elevator to the fifth floor and spoke on the phone with his mother. "Yeah, finals went fine, Mom," he said. "Actually I was calling about Christmas."
"Oh, are you coming home?" his mother asked eagerly.
The elevator doors opened, and he stepped out into the hallway. "Yeah, I think so," he said, heading towards his apartment.
"Oh, that's great!" she exclaimed. "I'll let the family know. Aunt Charlene's having Christmas dinner this year. Everyone's gonna be so happy to see you! Grandma feels like she hasn't seen you in years. I keep trying to tell her she saw you last month, and then I try to remind her that she can't see much of anything with her eyesight, but . . . well, you know how Grandma is."
"Yeah." He inserted his key into the lock on his door and pushed it open, heading inside. The apartment felt different somehow. "I thought Maria and I might try another dinner for Christmas, but now I don't think that's gonna happen, so . . ." He trailed off as he stepped foot in the bathroom and realized why the apartment felt different. All of Maria's things were gone. Usually she had girly items like make-up and hair supplies and perfume scattered all about the sink. Now the sink was empty.
Had she really left already?
"Michael? Are you still there?" his mother asked.
"Yeah," he said, realizing that he'd been spacing off. "Yeah, I'm here."
"I asked if everything was okay with you and Maria."
He turned off the bathroom light and traipsed into his bedroom. It also had that empty feeling. "We're fine," he told his mom. "She's just moving out and moving in with her boyfriend."
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that. I know you really liked living with her."
"Uh-huh." He pulled open the closet doors and was shocked to find all his clothes dangling on hangers once again. Usually her clothes took up all the space and he had to store his underneath the bed in boxes.
She'd really left.
"Unbelievable," he muttered.
"What, honey?"
He shut the closet doors and said, "Hey, Mom, I think my battery's goin' dead. Can I talk to you tomorrow?"
"Sure," she said. "I love you, Michael."
"I love you, too." He flipped his phone closed and sat down on his bed, stunned. How could Maria leave without even saying goodbye, without waiting for him to get home? Why would she want to?
He heard the front door open, followed by the one voice he longed to hear. "Michael?"
He got to his feet and walked out into the living room. "Maria."
"Hey, roommate," she greeted with a smile.
"Apparently not any longer," he said, motioning around. "It looks like you're all moved out."
"Yeah," she said. "I packed up everything today and brought it over to Billy's."
And she hadn't even asked him to help. She was definitely trying to be less dependent on him. "So that's it, huh?"
"Maybe not," she said, shuffling towards him. "Billy has a math final until 9:00 tonight. I thought maybe I could spend one more night here. I mean, if you'll still have me."
Relief surged through him. One more night. It was better than nothing. "Of course."
"Great," she chirped. "Now, we can order pizza or watch a movie or something, but I do have one more final left tomorrow. An astronomy final. So if you'd care to help me study . . ."
"You take astronomy?" He hadn't been aware of that.
"Well, am I enrolled in the class? Yes. Have I ever gone to class? Only twice. So I really need to study."
"Oh, I see. Well, I'm really good at studying, so . . ."
"I know, that's why I conveniently left my astronomy book here." She brushed past him, pulled open the top desk drawer, and took out an astronomy book that looked as though it had never been opened. "Crafty, huh?"
"Yeah, very crafty."
She shut the drawer with her hip and sat down on the floor. "Right here," she announced. "I'm studying right here."
"Okay." He sat down with her and motioned for the book. "Can I take a look at that?"
"Mmm-hmm," she said. "But before you do, can I tell you something mushy?"
He made a face. "Something . . . mushy?"
"Yeah." She smiled at him, one of those radiant smiles that just brightened a whole room. "You're the best roommate I've ever had."
"Wow, really? I beat out Tess? What an honor," he said.
She giggled. "Well, you're not obsessed with pink and/or dating Max Evans, so . . . that kinda bumps you up to the number one spot."
"Well, thank you," he said. "Can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
He leaned inward. "You're the best roommate I've ever had, too."
"Really? Who was my competition?"
"Well, remember freshman year, when I lived in the dorm with that kid named Kumar?"
"Oh, Kumar!" she exclaimed. "How could I forget about Kumar?"
"Yeah, random housing assignment . . . didn't really work out."
"No, Michael and Kumar just doesn't sound very good."
"Yeah," he agreed. "Michael and Maria sounds much better."
"Much better." She laughed adorably, then handed him her astronomy book. "Okay. Take to me to the stars."
...
Liz was on her way to take her physics final when she saw Max walking out of the bookstore. He saw her, and she made the mistake of making eye contact with him. She quickly looked away and tried to hustle along.
"Liz!" he called, running after her. He jumped in front of her, effectively stopping her forward progress. "Don't act like you don't see me," he said.
She rolled her eyes and refused to say anything.
"Don't act like you don't hear me."
She wished she could have stayed silent, ignored him, and maybe he would have gone away. But that strategy would never work. Not with Max. He was too persistent. "I see you, Max. I hear you loud and clear. And I wish I didn't."
"Moody," he remarked. "Sexy."
"I have to go take a final," she informed him, hoping he would take that as a hint to leave her alone.
"I just sold my books back," he announced proudly, fanning out a stack of cash in his hand. "One-hundred and fifty big ones. As though I need any more money."
"Arrogance takes on human form with you, Max."
"Well, then, you like to fuck arrogance in its human form." He grinned. "Come on, Liz. Tell me why you did it."
She pretended to not know what he was talking about. "Did what?"
"Don't play dumb. Why'd you break up with me?"
"I didn't-"
"You didn't break up with me because we weren't dating. I get it," he cut in. "Why'd you end it? You loved it. You came so many times."
"It's all about sex for you, isn't it, Max?"
"Of course." He took a step back and surveyed her questioningly. "Wait a minute, are you saying it was more than sex to you?"
"No."
"Liz, are you in love with me?" He looked disturbingly excited by that thought.
"In your dreams," she bit out. She would never love somebody like him. She was dark, but not that dark.
She had been so absorbed in Max that she hadn't even noticed Tess come up to them. "Hey," she said. "What're you two doing?"
Having word sex, Liz thought. That was basically what is was. All their conversations were charged with sexual tension. "Um, I was giving Max an apology to give to you," she lied easily. "I feel really bad about snapping at you the other night in the bar. You were just trying to be nice."
"Thanks," Tess said. "It's okay. Sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're stressed or angry or drunk or all of the above."
"Right," Liz said, hating the other girl's condescending tone. She probably wasn't even being condescending. Liz just didn't like her.
"So apology accepted," Tess said, "and I'm sorry, too. I should just mind my own business."
"Yeah," Liz agreed, looking at Max. "You probably should." If Tess took her mind off other people's lives and started thinking about her own, she might have realized her boyfriend was a cheating himbo.
"Well, anyway, Max and I are going for coffee. You can join us if you want," Tess invited.
"Yes, Liz. Please join us," Max said cordially but with a taunting look in his eyes.
"I can't," Liz said, grateful to have a legitimate excuse not to be a part of such an uncomfortable threesome. "I have a physics final in about ten minutes. I have to be going."
"Oh, okay." Tess didn't seem all that disappointed. "We'll see you around then."
"Bye, Liz," Max said, purposefully grinning like an idiot.
"Bye, Max." Liz skittered off, furious at Max. He was ruining her life. Now she had to try to think about physics, and the only thing she could think about was . . .
Liz, are you in love with me?
...
"Yeah, Dad, I'll be home for Christmas," Kyle told his father over the cell phone. "Our little family gatherings are the only chance I get to feel like the coolest guy in the room."
"Yeah," his father agreed, "I know what you mean."
Kyle would have said more, but he saw Liz heading towards him at a mile a minute. "Hey, Dad, can I let you go?"
"Sure thing, son. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye." Kyle stuffed his phone into his pocket and intercepted Liz as she was about to walk past him. "Liz."
"Oh, hey, Kyle," she said, barely even smiling when she noticed him.
Whoa, what happened to her? Kyle wondered. He had known Liz for a long time. Back in high school, she had been the class sweetheart, the girl with the ever-present smile. Nowadays he barely saw her, but whenever he did, that smile was missing.
"How've you been?" he asked, really wanting to know.
"Fine," she replied simply.
"Fine?" Fine was better than bad but worse than good. Fine was, more or less, okay. "Well, what've you been up to?"
"Um, getting fired, mostly," she answered.
"What?"
"Yeah. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go take a physics final, so . . ."
"Oh, yeah, sure. But hey . . ." He didn't want her to walk away without assuring her that he was there for her. Liz wasn't his girlfriend anymore (blessing in disguise since they had next to nothing in common), but she was still his friend. "If you ever need someone to talk to, or maybe just someone to listen to, I'm here for you."
The hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth, but she never actually looked happy. "Thanks, Kyle," she said, sounding grateful, but distracted.
"Yeah, you know, I hardly ever see you anymore. I kinda wonder what's goin' on in your life and . . ." He trailed off as he absentmindedly glanced over at the Student Union and saw a sight that shocked the hell out of him. "What the . . .?" Sitting together at the fountain outside the Union, feet in the water, holding hands, looking extremely affectionate were Billy and a bombshell brunette Kyle didn't recognize. Billy leaned over and whispered something in the girl's ear, she laughed, and then he leaned over and kissed her.
"That's not Maria," he remarked. "And that is awesome for Michael!" He took out his cell phone and quickly snapped a picture of Billy and his non-Maria girl. "Screw the passive plan," he decided. If Billy was cheating on Maria, that was an unexpected twist Team Michael needed to take advantage of.
"Awesome," he said, putting his phone away. "Liz, did you see . . ." He looked around, but Liz was gone. "Liz? Liz?" He hadn't meant to ignore her, but he had just seen Michael's saving grace with his own two eyes.
He had to go find his friend.
...
Michael got a text message from Maria that day letting him know that she had been called in for her first day of work. He decided to drop by and pay her a visit. There were no visitors in the museum when he got there, so he was able to sit down and talk to her for a moment.
"So you're getting quizzed, huh?"
"Yeah, on all this art stuff I haven't yet studied." She held up the employee manual Michael had given her.
"Well, you were studying astronomy," he pointed out.
"I didn't even know I was gonna get called in today. I feel totally unprepared."
"It happens."
"Luckily, though, Mr. Buckworthy seems to think I'm so charming and cute that he doesn't even notice I'm giving the wrong answers." She grinned.
"Hmm." He nodded slowly. "Although he might notice you calling him by the wrong name. It's Mr. Buckley."
"Dammit," she swore. "Why do I—it's 'cause I had this little stuffed animal beaver when I was a kid. I called him Mr. Buckworthy 'cause of the buck teeth. Mr. Buckley kinda looks like him."
Michael had often thought the same thing. "Yeah, well, you'd better not tell him that."
She pressed her hand to her head and groaned, "Uh, this day is dragging on. Astronomy final, then work . . . I just wanna sleep."
"Well, you've only got a half an hour left," he reminded her, as he glanced up at the clock. Closing time was always a wonderful time. "Hang in there. And then you can go home and sleep." He remembered that she wouldn't be coming back to his home, and he quickly added, "To your new home, I guess."
"Yeah." She frowned. "It's sad."
"You still nervous?" he asked.
"Kind of," she confessed, "but I'm kinda proud of myself for trying something new."
"Yeah, I'm proud of you, too. I'm gonna miss you, but I'm proud of you." Even if Maria was making a mistake, he respected the courage it took to make it.
"Thanks."
Michael heard Mr. Buckley rummaging around in the back room for something, so he said, "Well, I'd better be heading out before that guy finds some work for me to do. I just wanted to stop by and see how your first day of work was going."
"Going well," she assured him. "I'll tell Mr. Buckworthy—Mr. Buckley—you said hi."
"Okay." He slowly started towards the door, feeling a little weird about leaving. Who knew when he would see her next? He was used to seeing her every night, every morning, in between. "I'll see ya." It physically hurt as he turned his back and started to walk out.
"Oh, Michael?" she called after him.
He eagerly spun back around. "Yeah?"
"Can you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"I left a shoe at your place," she informed him.
"Shoes?"
"No, just one shoe, singular. I was wondering if you could bring it to Billy's? I'm really low on gas."
Interesting how she just refers to her new home as Billy's, he thought but didn't say. Shoe. Think about the shoe. "Sure," he agreed. "Where is it?"
"In the bottom right—no, left-hand drawer of your desk. It's a gold stiletto sandal. You can't miss it."
He made a face of confusion. "Why is your shoe in my desk drawer?"
"Don't ask me. My shoes have a mind of their own sometimes."
He chuckled. "Alright, well, what's Billy's address? Your address, technically."
"Here." She scribbled the address down on a hot pink Post-It note and handed it to him. "Thanks, this helps me out."
"No problem." He would have rather done something else for her, like lug all of her stuff out of Billy's house and back into his apartment, but that would have to wait until she came to her senses like Tess promised she would. "Well . . ." Once again, he awkwardly started to leave the museum, dreading spending the night alone. "Maybe I'll call you tonight," he told her.
She looked relieved to hear that. "That'd be great."
"Okay, then I'll talk to you later." There was no doubt in his mind that he was going to be racking up a heft cell phone bill while Maria was away.
When he finally did make it out of the museum, he had barely taken three steps towards his car when Kyle came rushing up the cement steps towards him. "Oh, good, I thought I might find you here," Kyle panted. He bent over, pressing his hands to his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Did you not hear your phone?"
"It's charging in my car," Michael told him. "What's up? Are you doing an impersonation of Rocky Balboa or something?"
Kyle stood up straight, still panting. "Dude, there's been a-a breakthrough of epic proportions."
"A breakthrough," he echoed, confused. "In what?"
"What do you think?"
"What're you talking about?"
"Come on, I'll show you."
Kyle led the way towards whatever it was he wanted to show Michael. He alternated between a slow jog and a fast walk. Michael followed along, not asking questions even though he wanted to. Finally, they arrived at the Student Union, near the fountains. Michael looked around, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Students hanging around, walking to class . . . just the usual.
"What am I supposed to be seeing?" he asked.
"Dammit, they're gone," Kyle muttered angrily.
"Who?" Michael wished his friend would stop trying to be dramatic and just spit it out, whatever it was he was so worked up about.
"Never fear. I snapped a picture," Kyle said, taking out his cell phone. He flipped it open, pressed a few buttons, then handed it to Michael. "Take a look at that."
Michael studied the picture Kyle had taken, of a couple sitting by the fountain, kissing. The guy looked like Billy. He didn't just look like him; he was him. Still, Michael asked anyway, "Is that-"
"Billy? Yeah," Kyle cut in. "And unless she dyed her hair brown and grew six inches overnight, that's not Maria."
"He's cheating on her," Michael said, stating the obvious. "I'm not even surprised." Billy had always seemed like the type to stoop that low.
Kyle's face lit up. "Isn't that awesome?"
"How is that awesome? Maria might be really hurt by this."
"Yeah, but it's awesome for you," Kyle clarified. "You always said he was a loser. Now you have proof. You have photographic evidence. Come on, man, let's go show her. Is she at work?" Without waiting for an answer, Kyle tried to take off in the direction of the museum again.
"Wait," Michael said, placing a hand on his chest to stop him.
"Dude, it's time to stop being the supportive friend now."
Michael wasn't so sure. The chances that Maria would be devastated by this news were slim to none. Still, he didn't want to be the one to deliver it to her, not after she'd just told him how proud of herself she was for trying something new. "I don't want her to find out from me," he said, pocketing Kyle's cell phone. "I want her to find out from him."
"What're you gonna do?" Kyle asked.
"I'm gonna go pay Billy Bob a visit, try to seem intimidating."
"Okay, that . . . sounds like a lot more work, but okay."
Michael turned around and headed back to the museum at a brisk pace so he could get in his car and drive over to Billy's house.
"Should I call Tess, get her input?" Kyle asked, following him.
Michael shook his head. "No, I think I've got this covered."
"If you say so. Can I-"
"You're not coming along, Kyle."
"I figured," he muttered. "Hey, it all makes sense now, doesn't it?"
"What do you mean?" Nothing about cheating on Maria made sense. Why would any guy, no matter how much of a jackass he was, cheat on someone as beautiful and thrilling as Maria DeLuca? He couldn't fathom it. Actually, he couldn't fathom cheating at all.
"Well, Tess tried to seduce Billy, remember? If Tess Harding expresses a desire to have sex with you, you just do it, no questions asked," Kyle said. "Unless you're all sexed out because you've got a girlfriend and a mistress on the side." Kyle chuckled. "Man, Maria's gonna be pissed."
So am I, Michael thought. Billy wasn't going to be able to weasel his way out of this one.
...
Michael drove to Billy's house and saw his junker car parked out front. Good, he thought. That meant he was probably there. Michael got out of his car and walked up to the front door. He tried to open it, but it was locked, so he walked around the house into the back yard, which was weed-infested and looked as though it hadn't been mown in a year. There was still no back door on the house, though, so Michael went right inside.
He took a look around and was thoroughly unimpressed. It was a large house, but it wasn't a nice house. Even though Billy said it was all furnished, there was still barely any furniture. Maria's boxes were piled high in the living room, unpacked. He had a feeling she hadn't unpacked because she didn't really want to be there.
He heard a thumping sound come from upstairs, followed by a soft moaning. Definitely a female voice.
Michael made his way up the stairs slowly, careful not to make a sound. He didn't want Billy to know he was coming. He sidestepped a hole in one of the stairs just as the girl upstairs moaned, "Oh, Billy."
Bastard, Michael thought. He had no respect for cheaters. He'd had no respect for Billy from the start.
One of the steps creaked loudly when he stepped on it. He froze and grimaced, waiting to get caught.
"What was that?" he heard the girl ask.
"Nothin'," Billy said to her. "Get on top me."
Michael waited a moment, then continued up the stairs when he heard the moaning start up again. He crept down the hallway, following the sounds, and pushed open the door to a bedroom. Unsurprisingly, Billy was in bed with a brunette girl on top of him. She was bouncing up and down, and Billy was so focused on her that he didn't seem to notice they had a visitor.
Michael crossed his arms over his chest and cleared his throat to alert them to his presence.
The girl turned her head to look at him and shrieked, "Oh my god!" She got off of Billy and cowered beneath the sheets.
"Crap," Billy muttered, digging his head back into his pillow.
"Billy, who is that?" the girl asked. "Is that the guy for the threesome?"
Michael raised an eyebrow. Billy was planning a threesome with that girl, and a guy-girl-guy one at that?
"Well, you must just love this," Billy grumbled, tossing the sheet aside as he stood up to find his jeans.
Michael looked away. "Seeing you without your clothes on? Not so much."
Billy tugged on his jeans. "No, this." He motioned towards the girl in the bed. "Catchin' me in the act, cheatin' on Maria."
"Actually, I wasn't the one to catch you." Michael took Kyle's cell phone out of his pocket. "Kyle was. You know, Billy, I always knew you were an idiot, but even I didn't think you were dumb enough to make out with girlfriend #2 right outside the Union." He showed Billy the picture Kyle had snapped.
"Are there pictures of me going on the Internet?" the girl asked. "Am I naked in them?"
"Shut up, Val," Billy growled.
"Don't tell her to shut up," Michael snapped. He turned to the girl, Val, and asked her, "Did you know he has a girlfriend named Maria?"
Val grunted. "Of course."
"Oh." Then she wasn't worth his sympathy. "Never mind then."
"You really think this is gonna split me and Maria up?" Billy sounded over-confidently. "She don't care if I got a girl on the side. Hell, she'll probably join us."
"Maria's getting her life together," Michael pointed out. "You're not a part of that. When you tell her you cheated on her, she's gonna realize she deserves better than you."
"When I tell her?" Billy echoed. "Now why would I do that? Why don't I just let you be the bearer of bad news?"
Michael shrugged. "I could tell Maria you slept with a dozen girls, and then she'd be really pissed. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if she started an STD rumor about you, maybe put up some flyers. She's a go-getter like that. Gee, then no girl would wanna sleep with you."
"I would!" Val chirped dizzily.
Michael and Billy both ignored her. "Well, congratulations," Billy muttered. "You beat the bad guy. I come off lookin' like the villain, and you get to be the big hero. And isn't that why you came here? Not to confront me, not even to defend Maria's honor, but to make yourself feel better about your pathetic excuse for a life?"
"Take a look around. I'm not the one living in a house with no back door on it," Michael pointed out.
"You know, it must just annoy the hell outta you to know that I got two beautiful, willing girls wrapped around my finger. Or my cock, as the case may be. And you can't even hold onto one girl." He chuckled cruelly. "You know, if Isabel was here, I'd have her on her back."
Michael felt his jaw tighten in response to that claim. "You might remember that Isabel cheated on me," he said, willing himself to remain as calm as possible, "so the fact that you would have the audacity to cheat on someone I care about . . ."
"Oh, and you do," Billy interrupted. "You really care about Maria. So fuckin' obvious; I don't know how she don't see it. But I saw it before you did. And you know what else I see, my friend? I see that you don't stand a chance. You got next to nothin' in common with her. You can't keep her entertained. That bitch needs some bastard in her man."
"Don't you dare call her that," Michael ground out, clenching his hand into a fist.
"Who's a bitch?" Val asked, climbing to her feet, wrapped in the bed sheet.
"She'll keep you around for a little while, maybe give you a pity fuck here and there," Billy went on, "but she'll come back to me soon enough, beggin' me to satisfy her." He laughed. "God, Mike, it must just kill you to know I can get inside her and you can't, to hear me wreckin' her in your bed. It must just eat you up inside to know that I can have her down on her knees, just like that." He snapped his fingers to demonstrate. "And you know why? 'Cause she's just a girl. A pretty whore."
Michael snapped. He swung his fist, colliding it with Billy's face. Billy toppled backward onto the floor, blood spilling from his nose as Val gasped.
"She's not a whore," Michael growled furiously. "And my name's not Mike."
A few seconds later, while Billy was still on the floor and Val was still standing around clothed in the sheet from the bed, footsteps sounded on the stairs.
"Hey, Billy, what's going on?" Michael heard Maria ask. "I heard noises . . ." She walked into the bedroom, surveyed the situation quickly, and seemed to make sense of it at once. She didn't even break stride as she moved towards Val and punched her in the face. Val crashed on the floor next to Billy, sporting an identical bloody nose.
Michael looked at Maria, and she looked up at him, seeming almost more relieved than angry. "Let's go home," she said, and he couldn't think of a better idea.