A/N; four months?? Eep. At least it wasn't a year (insert puppy eyes here). Really sorry; I've been ill and have had exams these last few weeks. However, this chapter is finally finished! XD. Hope you like it.
As usual, big thanks to all my reviewers - and heck, even to all of you who just bother to read this thing. I really appreciate the feedback, so thank you!
Disclaimer; to be perfectly honest, I just sort of borrowed these characters. See, they looked all sad and lonely, so I just couldn't help but pluck them out of JK's toy box and put them into mine instead. I'll give them back…eventually. Also, the songs used in this aren't mine; credits at the end.
Warnings; does anybody actually read these things? Pfft, I know I sure as hell don't. Let's see how many people do…swearing, pink shoes, yaoi, lil' bit o' yuri, purple skirts….um…hotness? (insert snickering).
DmHp
"Wizards and Witches, here is the woman you all came to see."
Blaise stopped talking mid-sentence as Fred's voice was heard over the excited babble of the students, furrowing his brows as people once again turned towards the still empty stage.
"The Weasley twins are proud to present, performing for this one night only in honour of her best friend and his new partner,"
A low drum roll stared up around them, the lights dimming, a single blue light illuminating a shadowy figure descending upon the centre of the stage, obviously being levitated into position, but slowly spinning gracefully, arms out for balance as she neared the wooden platform.
"Miss Ronnie Weasley!"
The heels of young woman's shoes clicked onto the glossed wood just in time to hit the first beet of the jazzy piano tune that now filled the air. Her arms flopping uselessly to her sides, she stumbled forwards, a few nervous chuckles torn from the throats of the audience as she gained her balance.
A low wolf whistle came from towards the back of the hall, causing the girl to tug hopelessly on the ends of the too-short skirt that barely covered pale, freshly-waxed legs.
"I can make you feel, special," the last syllable of the line was held onto by the singer, though the girl looked as confused as the audience as she sang, her voice obviously under a charm to sound much louder than it could possibly be otherwise. She stared at her feet for a few moments as she tried desperately to not stumble again, before using a shaking hand to part the curtain of fiery red hair that framed her face. Her eyes wide in fear, she drank in the sight of the students, her lips already moving to form the words of the next line.
"When it sucks to be you," the woman stepped forward, blowing a saucy kiss towards a random male in the audience - though a terrified look crossed her face once she had done so. Her legs carried her forward with a confident swing as she continued to sing, but it was beginning to look increasingly like she really didn't want to be there. The stage was lit up as she walked, highlighting her fear.
"Let me make you feel special, for an hour or two," the teenager was about half way down the catwalk by the end of this line, though she had almost fallen once, twirling around with a sexy swing in her hips as she held on to the last note.
"Your life's a routine that repeats each day," she walked to the left side of the side as she sang this, leaning far enough forward to show off her well-formed cleavage despite the horrified expression upon her face.
"No one cares who you are, or what you say," she straightened up, walking back into the centre of the catwalk, a wink directed towards the audience in general as she tilted her head back, running one hand through long locks of glossy hair.
"And sometimes you feel like you're nobody, but you can feel like somebody - with me."
Shaking her hair our behind her, her hands raised to caress her sides, clutching at the too-tight top and dragging it up with her top reveal a taught chest dusted heavily with dark red hair. There were cheers and laughter from the audience, more wolf-whistles ringing throughout the hall - though by now they were more in jest than anything else.
"Oh, my god," Harry cringed, burring his face into his mate's shoulder and grasping tightly at his shirt. Draco's eyes were wide open, unable to look away from the disturbing sight on stage, his chest vibrating with repressed laughter.
"Please - tell me it isn't true…"
Hermione bit her lip to try and with-hold her smile out of semi-respect for her ex-boyfriend, but broke into laughter after sharing a look with Pansy. The two girls applauded loudly with some of the other's in the hall, adding their own cat-calls into the fray.
"Brilliant," Blaise cried, cheering in-between laughter "bloody brilliant."
"B-b-but…he's got - he's got -…"
"Tits!" Crabbe gleefully added the word Harry couldn't bring himself to voice, delighting in the pinkish flush that invaded Harry's cheeks.
Harry groaned, not daring to raise his head as he heard Ronnie's heels clicking upon the stage as she walked forward.
"Yeah," he heard her say, envisioning her leaning over the teacher's with a defiant smirk on her face as her hands pulled down her top enticingly "they're real."
The students broke out into laughter, and Harry shook his head as he finally peeped over Draco's shoulder to look at the 'woman' on stage. The music was still playing, the piano and various brass instruments providing the perfect beat for her to swing her hips to, the purple fabric skirt flying up around her - much to the disgust of several audience members.
"When we're together the earth will shake, and the stars fall into the sea, so come on baby, let down your guard - when your date's in the bathroom, I'll slip you my card," a wink was thrown out into the audience as Ronnie sauntered down the stage, still looking bewildered and humiliated, but not seeming able to stop.
"I can tell just by looking, that you've got it hard - for me," her head was thrown back again as she held onto the notes, causing most people to wince at the terrible pitch. The cheers and hollers got louder as she repeated the last two words over and over, throwing her head from side to side in a supposedly sexy way as she raised her arms high above her head.
"I can tell just by looking that you are especially hard, for me." She raised her head and spread her arms wide open as she reached her crescendo, red faced and panting heavily as the song came to an end. Students were falling about laughing, some managing to slap their hands together and upon the hard wood of the tables by way of applause.
"It is," Harry groaned, mortified by the way 'Ronnie' was now curtseying for the crowd "It's Ron!"
Draco finally let out his laughter, curling an arm around Harry in consolation.
"N-no," he chocked out "it's not. It's a Weasel in a fucking skirt!"
Harry let out a whimper, torn between laughing and crying. A smile broke out over his face after a few moments, however, and he allowed himself a small giggle.
"Oh yeah," he said "I hadn't noticed."
Truth be told, Harry actually hadn't yet noticed the clothes Ron adorned, having previously been far too concerned about whether or not that was actually a girl on stage. Looking over him now, Harry grimaced at the mismatch of colours; pink high heels, a purple skirt and a light green, low cut top that was stretched tightly over broad shoulders and muscular arms. His hair had been lengthened, now flowing down his back much like his sister's, and a silver bracelet encircled his wrist, though Harry couldn't quite make out the design, no matter how much he squinted. Letting his eyes travel downwards, he decided it probably wasn't a very good idea to look too closely anyway.
"Entertainment?" Pansy cried, using her giggles as an excuse to lean on Hermione for support "I knew they were trying to kill us! This is just too good!"
"I don't suppose anyone has a camera?" Goyle asked, looking rather disappointed when they shook their heads - though the grin was soon back as an upbeat techno sort of music filled the hall.
'Ronnie's' eyes went wide again, an audible whimper escaping his lips as his feet began dancing of their own accord.
"One, Two, Ready, Go!"
More laughter broke out as he began to walk again, adding the odd twirl here and there as he sang. The applaud and laughter continued to fill the hall, all attention focused upon the reluctant drag-queen on stage.
"I'm tired of boys who make me cry
They cheat on me and they tell me lies
I want a love who'll never stray
When he sees other girls, he looks away
And if he never kisses me, well that's alright
'Cos we can just cuddle all night
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I don't really care that you are queer
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I never feel lonely when you are near
It'll be a great romance
We'll go shopping and buy tight pants
You don't care how big my ass is, just how fabulous my dress is."
His voice high pitched and his face twisted into a grimace, 'Ronnie' repeated the chorus, some of the students joining in repetitive tune.
"One, two, ready go -
You cry at movies, on our dates
Romantic comedies sure are great
But when you're sad I'll dry your tears
'Cos I'll always think that you are fierce
I like cigarettes, and that's no gag
But you'll always be my favourite fag
You'll always be my favourite fag
You'll always be my favourite fag…
My gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I don't really care that you are queer
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I never feel lonely when you are near
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I don't really care that you are queer
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I never feel lonely when you are near
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I don't really care that you are queer
Gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend
I never feel lonely when you are near…"
The applaud was deafening this time around, the tension in the air broken by such a stupid - and ever so slightly irritating - song. Harry had taken Draco's hand tightly within his own, now cheering along with the others, and laughed when Hermione transfigured her fork into a dozen multicoloured roses to throw onto the stage. Some of the other students copied the idea, and soon Ronnie was almost drowned in flowers and other interesting items - mainly of the cotton and silk variety, which Harry didn't wish to know the previous owners of.
"I wonder how the hell they got him to do this," Pansy mused, still clapping "It's not like he would have done it willingly, after all."
"You don't think - you don't they would have done anything…illegal, do you?" Hermione asked, faltering in her applause as she bit her lip worriedly.
"I don't think so," Harry said reassuringly, giving her a confident smile "they're not that stupid."
Draco sent him a look that was clearly disbelieving, but simply smiled at Hermione when she glanced over at him for his opinion.
"What I want to know," Blaise said, grinning manically "is how they created those huge fucking -"
"Blaise!" Pansy snapped, scowling at him "shut up."
"What?" He cried indignantly, trying to look innocent "I was only going to say 'extensions'. Ya' know - his hair."
The others around the table laughed at him and the Slytherin female, the latter sending a smouldering glare to her friend.
Harry whipped his head back around to face the stage as another tune started up, raising his eyebrows at yet another familiar muggle tune.
"My baby, he don't talk sweet, He ain't got much to say - But he loves me, loves me loves me, I know that he loves me anyway…"
"Oh god," Harry sighed, shaking his head despite the smile that had settled on his face "this is going to be a long night."
DmHp
"Fantastic," George explained, slapping the palm of his right hand against one of a great likeness and holding tightly onto the appendage "it worked perfectly!"
"Of course it did," Fred "it was a Weasley plan after all."
George's grin faded a little, cocking his head to one side as he stared at their clasped hands. Fred sighed, tightening his grasp with a reassuring smile.
"I know," he murmured gently "It's hard to accept that he's not quite our brother anymore. But perhaps he'll come back to us yet, no?"
George gave weary chuckle, shaking his head. "No, he won't. Not after this."
Fred mimicked his sad smile, squeezing his twins hand once more. "S'ppose not," he agreed. "Ya' know…mum's going to kill us."
George laughed quietly, nodding in recognition of the truthful statement. The lights around them brightened as the whole of the stage lit up, their brother's final act drawing to a close.
"Come, brother," Fred demanded playfully, finally letting go of George's hand and picking up his twin's hat, placing it at a jaunty angle upon his head before picking up his own.
"Our audience awaits."
DmHp
A/N; Okay, okay, I have to apologies; this chapter really isn't as long as I had planned it to be. I just wanted to get it up, to be honest, because it's been quite a while now, and I thought you might appreciate the update. I'll get working on the next chapter right away, and try to get it posted as soon as possible.
Hope you liked it - really, I do. I'm not too sure about this chapter, so your thoughts would be appreciated, as always.
The songs used (eep, I forgot to put this when I first uploaded the chapter! Ah well, I've added it now) are; 'Special' from the musical Avenue Q, 'Gay Boyfriend' by The Hazards, I think, and 'Let's hear it for the boy' by Denise Williams (from the musical Footloose).