Don't think it's my best work. Sort of distracted. And hard to write when you're not exactly feeling emotionally well. But here you go.
Xo,
Hailee
Friday couldn't have come any faster. I was eager to have a little girl time, minus the drama that this week had definitely brought along with it. After everyone still talking about me, saving Jamia from those assholes, and them finding every chance they can to say something nasty to me, and Frank officially excluding Gerard and I from his list of friends, I was so ready to relax with a couple of close friends and just chill out, no pressure added.
While I was packing up my stuff this morning, Gerard was moaning and complaining about having me leave him on a Friday night. "It's our first official Friday as a couple. And you promised we would do something fun soon, just the two of us! We've got tons of movies and shows to catch up on, and stupid Christmas shopping to tackle, and I don't want you to gooooo! Why did you make plans with them ?"
He pouted and I laughed at him. "Gerard," I said. "I live here now. And thankfully, your mom still knows absolutely nothing about us being together and is still letting me sleep in your room at night. And given that I sleep in the same bed as you every night, it means we have a lot of time to spend together doing stuff. What's one night away from you? Besides, I have other people to hang out with besides you. You can't forget that some people still like me."
"Damn. And I was hoping I could keep you all to myself. Can we please do something Saturday? I have a feeling that spending all night with Mikey is going to kill me. He's going to be complaining about missing Alicia, and that's going to put me in a bad mood because you're not here to help me not strangle him."
"Oh, please. Stop exaggerating. You and Mikey are like best friends. Hang out with him, watch some old horror movies or something. And if you really can't get along with him, I've got my phone with me."
"Okay…." He said begrudgingly.
"Okay. I love you." I kissed him slowly. "Now let me finish packing."
I had packed the rest of my stuff, and Gerard tried not to be grumpy and look annoyed that he wasn't spending Friday night with me. He was just pissed because Fridays were usually the day all of us in the group hung out and did something fun, and now our little group was sort of broken up and dispersed since Frank wasn't getting along with either one of us and tolerated our presence barely.
I sighed, thinking of Frank's reaction. It wasn't like him. I just couldn't get over that. He was usually so tolerant of everything, and then he just went off the deep end. With good reason, no doubt, but still. I hated that I was the one who finally pushed him far enough over the edge. I didn't want him to hate me, and I still wanted to be friends with him, but there was nothing I could really do about that now besides give him the space he wants. Maybe soon he'll forgive us.
The final bell rang in Pre-Calc and I exhaled in relief. Today had been pretty good, but I was really anxious to get out of here and just do something fun. I was writhing in my skin to have one nice, normal kind of night after all the drama that's sprung up in my life. It didn't seem fair I was the one who got dealt all the short sticks when it came to life, but I guess that's the way things go sometimes. You just gotta take it as they come, lean on friends, and if that doesn't work, self-medicate. But I had a feeling things would work on a more positive note tonight. It had been a little bit since I'd cut myself or burned myself, and I guess that was a good thing. Not that I didn't think about it when things got too overwhelming, since that's the kind of person I am, but I guess I just had something better to lean on, even when everything else is chaos. That was a good sign, right?
Jamia, Alicia, and I all walked out the doors of the classroom and down the hall towards Christa's locker.
"We are going to have so much fun!" Alicia was gushing to Jamia, who always seemed amused by Alicia's easy personality. "We're going to do girly stuff. And you're probably not into all that. But don't worry, Roslyn isn't either. So you two can be cynical together. But trust me, it'll be lots of fun, gossiping and eating junk food and doing each other's hair and nails and makeup. I promise!"
"Okay," Jamia giggled. "I've never done one of the girly sleepovers before. I was too shy to talk to any of those kind of girls."
Alicia linked her arm with Jamia's. "Well, now you have us! We're not that bad of a bunch, are we?"
Jamia shook her head. "No, you guys are really nice. Nicer than I expected you to be to someone like me."
Alicia rolled her eyes. "God, you sound just like Roslyn! Both of you are always talking down on yourselves! You both are wonderful, amazing people whom I love dearly, and you're not allowed to argue about that. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Hey!" Christa said as we got closer to her locker. "So, I was thinking of ordering pizza tonight, if that's okay with you guys?"
"That's fine with me. You know I like pizza," I told her.
"Same here," Alicia informed her.
"Cool. Are you okay with pizza, Jamia?" Christa asked.
"Yeah. Pizza's fine."
"Okay. Good. Oh, listen, Ray's brother is in town and let him borrow the car, so we don't have to walk home today. He can take us."
We started to walk towards the parking lot of the school.
"Oh, thank God!" Alicia gushed. "It's so freaking cold outside1 I almost got frostbite walking to my dad's car for school this morning. It's brutal."
"That's December weather in Jersey for you," I told her.
"Shh. This is your first year here. What do you know about Jersey winters, Miss I'm-from-Miami?"
I narrowed my eyes at Alicia. "Hey, I read!"
She stuck her tongue out at me and I mirrored her actions.
"Um, who's Ray?" Jamia asked.
"Oh, he's my boyfriend," Christa told her. "He's not going to be with us the whole night. He just doesn't want four pretty girls walking alone in Jersey after they found that body at the park. His words, not mine."
I laughed. "Ray's really nice. Just don't touch his hair."
"Why would I want to touch his hair?" Jamia asked confused.
Alicia, Christa and I laughed at that. "You'll see," I told her.
Ray's station wagon was parked in the spot Frank's Trans Am was usually parked. I guess he wasn't here today…
"Hi!" Christa said sunnily as she sat in the passenger's seat, giving Ray a quick kiss on the lips as she did so.
The remaining three of us sat in the back as Ray revved up the engine and started to back out of the parking lot.
"Who's the new girl?" he asked as he drove.
"That's Jamia," Christa told him.
"Hey, Jamia. I'm Ray. Nice to meet you," he said, looking at her in his rearview mirror.
Jamia's jaw was open, staring at Ray. "Dude, you have some really cool hair!" she blurted out.
Ray laughed. "Thanks. Look at it all you want, but please don't touch. I hate it when people touch my hair. Roslyn knows from experience."
I laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me. My neck was bruised for like three days afterwards."
"You asked for it."
"What happened?" Jamia asked.
"We were playing truth or dare one night and I got dared to touch his hair so he dared these other two guys to bite my neck."
"Sounds like you guys have interesting nights?"
"Yeah, when you get all of us girls together with the guys, people tend to get scared of us."
"The guys?"
Alicia piped in. "Yeah, we'll tell you about them later tonight."
There was mostly silence in the car for the rest of the car ride to Christa's house. When Ray pulled into her driveway, we all thanked him for the ride, and made us promise not to talk trash about him. He was joking, of course, since there isn't anything bad to say about him. Ever.
We dropped our stuff on Christa's floor and all sat on her bed. I took my phone out of my bag and checked for messages. There was one from Gerard, telling me to have a good time and that he already missed me. I smiled and texted him back that I would, and missed him too.
As soon as the text sent, Alicia snatched my phone from me. "Hey!" I protested.
She stared at the screen. "No texting Gerard unless it's an emergency. It's girls night. No talking to guys, just about them."
"Fine. I was just telling him to have fun with Mikey."
She pouted. "Why did you have to mention his name? Now I miss him! God, Roslyn!"
I laughed. "Sorry."
"I think we need to fill Jamia in on everything," Christa chimed in.
"Good idea! Let's do it while I do everyone's makeup and we take those cheesy photos we can put on Facebook."
She got up to dig through her backpack for all the makeup she'd brought with her.
"I think filling me in would be nice. Who are Mikey and Gerard?" Jamia asked.
"They're brother," Alicia said.
"And they also happen to be Alicia and my boyfriends."
"Oh. Wow. You guys all have boyfriends, and I'm totally single."
"You make it sound like being single is bad," I said.
Jamia squirmed a little. "It just gets lonely."
"Yeah, but you don't have all the added drama relationships bring along with them."
"Roslyn is the queen of drama in relationships," Alicia told her.
"Thanks, Alicia! I seem to remember someone had some drama in their relationship recently, too."
"Can we not ever speak of that embarrassing moment ever again?"
"But it happened."
"No it didn't. Mikey and I are still counting the time we were broken up and being together."
"How long have all you guys been together?" Jamia asked us.
"Ray and I have been together since sophomore year," Christa told her.
"Wow. That's a really long time!"
"Yeah, but I'm glad it's lasted this long. I hope it doesn't end."
"It won't Christa," I told her. "You and Ray are going to be this annoyingly cute couple that are going to get married right out of college, maybe have one kid, and stay happily together forever."
She smiled at me. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
Alicia cleared her throat. "Well, Mikey and I started dating in June when he finally got the courage to ask me out. Our six month anniversary is so soon!"
"Yes. I've heard all about his plans," I said with an eye roll.
Alicia gasped audibly. "Really? What are we doing?"
"Wow, Alicia, I was kidding."
Her face fell. "Oh." She shrugged. "I guess I'll know soon enough, anyway."
"Do you think you and Mikey are going to last through high school?" Jamia asked her.
Alicia looked sad. "Of course we will. Probably not after high school, though. I want to travel, and I don't think Mikey wants to be far from home. So I'll probably end up being a cat lady."
"Oh, you will not!" I argued. "I think you'll make it work with someone after you're done traveling around the world."
She kind of smiled at me. "Yeah. I just hope that someone is Mikey. I want to be with him, but I'm not the kind of girl that stops all of her life goals just to be with a guy, no matter how special he is."
There was silence in the room for a while. "Well, you're still a sophomore. You've got time, Alicia."
She nodded.
"What about you and Gerard, Roslyn?" Jamia asked me.
"Oh, she and Gerard are going to be together forever!" Alicia said. "They are so disgustingly in love with each other. It's gross."
I grinned at that. "We're not disgustingly in love with each other! It's just we have a lot of lost time to make up for, okay?"
"What do you mean?" inquired Jamia.
"Oh, boy," groaned Christa. "I'm gonna save listening to this story one more time and go order the pizza now."
She left the room, her cell phone in hand.
"Uh, Gerard and I have only been dating for about a week now. But we've had major feelings for each other since the beginning of this school year."
"What stopped you two from dating earlier?"
"Honestly? There was another guy that I was trying to sort out my feelings for, and I ended up dating him instead. We were together for a couple of months…but things didn't really work out that well once I realized I was in love with Gerard."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Ah, it's okay. I'm with Gerard now, finally, and things are getting better."
Christa came back. "Is the story all done?"
"Yep, all finished. I left out the gory details," I told her.
"Oh, Jamia, I forgot to ask what kind of pizza you like. I got a cheese one since Roslyn is a vegetarian and Alicia doesn't like vegetables on her pizza. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'm actually a vegetarian, too."
"Really? I'm so glad to actually meet another one in Jersey!"
We both smiled at each other. I had a feeling we were going to be kind of close these next few months. And hopefully we would stay in touch if I go off somewhere far for college. I was still hoping to get an audition for Juilliard, but who knew if the video I sent was even good enough for them. I guess I'd just have to wait and see.
"So, which one of you is going to let me do their makeup first? And can we listen to some music or something?"
"You can do me first, I guess. It wouldn't be the first time you've done my makeup before," I mumbled.
"Yay!" She took out her ipod and plugged it into Christa's dock. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) by Eurythmics came on and we all started singing along as Alicia started to do my makeup.
"So, Jamia, what do you like to do for fun?" Christa asked her.
"Oh, I don't know, normal stuff, I guess."
"Like what?"
"Like…I don't know, listening to old records, taking photos, watching those late night talk shows, reading."
"Really?" I said, somewhat fascinated. "What kind of records?"
"Uh, just like, stuff. Led Zeppelin, Metallica, AC/DC, The Cure, Def Leppard, Misfits, Joy Divison, Morissey…"
"Nice. You've got good taste in music."
"Thanks," Jamia mumbled, blushing.
"What kind of photos do you take?" asked Alicia.
"Uh, mostly nature. I had this huge thing for Ansel Adams photography when I was younger and I bought a bunch of books with his photos, and I used to like recreating them with the nature around my house. It just kind of stuck."
"I think that's really cool! I can't take a good picture to save my life! Most of mine are just blurry and ugly."
"I can teach you, if you want."
"Sure!" Alicia said brightly. The she continued putting mascara on me.
"What kind of books do you read?" Christa asked.
"Mostly biographies. Or classics. With the exception of the Harry Potter novels. I love those."
I made a face. Ugh. She and Frank would probably get along, with their passions. They listen to the same kind of music, like Harry Potter, take photos…
I don't know why I was thinking about Frank right now. I guess I still missed his friendship. And I sort of have to explain things to Jamia, which brought back the unhappiness about him hating me that I'd been pushing down all week. Or trying to, at least.
Ugh. I couldn't me unhappy right now. It was girl's night. And I was trying to get to know Jamia more, and not think about my situation with Frank or any guys for that freaking matter.
I wish Alicia hadn't stolen my phone from me. I really needed to send a text to Gerard. He would reassure me that everything was okay.
"There," Alicia said, putting the finishing touches to my face. She pulled out her handheld mirror and let me look.
I tried to smile at her, but my mood was slipping. I hope she wasn't noticing. "You should do cosmetology, Lish. I bet you'd be really good at it."
"Of course I would! I'm awesome."
Just then Christa's doorbell rang. "Oh, that's probably the pizza. Do you guys want to watch a movie while we eat it?"
"Sure," Alicia and Jamia said at the same time.
Alicia grabbed her ipod from the docking station and followed Christa and Jamia out her bedroom door. I lingered behind, calling out, "I'm gonna use the bathroom!"
"Okay," they said back, and didn't bother to check on me.
I went searching through Alicia's things for my phone and found it in her makeup bag. I unlocked my phone and looked for any messages, but I didn't have any.
'I'm starting to regret tonight. I keep thinking about things that are bringing my mood down' I texted to Gerard. I put the phone in my pocket, felt in my other pocket for the razor blade no one knew I had, took a deep breath, and exited Christa's bedroom.
I grabbed a plate from the counter and put a piece of pizza on it, then sat on the floor next to the three of them. I ate a couple bites of my pizza while they argued over what movie to watch. They finally settled on Edward Scissorhands and started to talk about some gossipy thing while Christa put the DVD in and they ate their pizza.
"So," Alicia started, "I know you're pretty new here, but you've got to have a crush on someone at our school, right?"
Jamia turned red. "Well, it's not a crush."
"Yessss, it is! Who is it? I bet I totally know them."
"It's really not a crush! I've never even talked to him before. I've just seen him in a couple of my classes, and he looks really cute and energetic and cool and stuff. But I've never talked to him, and I'm not going to. So it's really not a crush. Just…an admiration."
"Uh huh," Alicia said unconvinced. "Well if you tell me who it is, I can introduce you two. And then you'll live happily ever after."
"No we aren't. There's only one semester left of school, and then I'm going to go off to college. Nothing can be happily ever after this late in the game."
Alicia sighed heavily. "Fine. Can I at least introduce you so you guys can be friends?"
"You might not know him. He's not one of the popular people."
Alicia snorted. "After becoming friends with Mikey, I'm friends with all sorts of people. I'm sure I know them. Come on, I won't tell anyone you like him. I just wanna know who he is! Pleaseeeee?" she begged, sticking out her lower lip.
Jamia caved. "Okay. But don't laugh. It's this guy…his name's Frank."
My head shot up to look at her. Frank who?
"He's really short. And he's kind of got a lot of tattoos for someone still in high school. And he's got piercings and he seems kind of moody sometimes. But when he's not, he's really funny. And he seems to care about a lot, and I don't know. He seems really genuine."
I looked down at the pizza in my lap. The smell of it was making me sick. I pushed it away from me quickly, and I could feel eyes on me. Just staring.
I ignored them and pulled out my phone. There was a text from Gerard I hadn't felt come in. 'What kind of thoughts?'
I texted him back saying, 'Just stuff about Frank. Stupid, I know.'
"Who are you texting? And when did you take your phone from me?" Alicia asked.
"I'm texting Gerard. Is that a problem?"
"Yes," Alicia said bluntly.
"Alicia," Christa said quietly.
"What? It's girl's night."
"And you know she's dealing with things right now."
Alicia sighed. "Sorry."
Gerard texted me back. 'Not stupid. I get it. It hurts. All of this is up to him, and the best we can do it get through it together. I love you.'
I smiled, and send an I love you text right back to him.
I cleared my throat and put my phone back in my pocket. "Sorry. I just had to talk to him."
"About Frank?" Christa asked.
"Wait, what?" Jamia chimed in.
"Uh, yeah, remember that guy I said I was dating before Gerard? That was Frank…"
Jamia's mouth hung open. "Oh. God. Sorry. I didn't know. I won't like, ever speak to him or anything!"
I laughed. "Jamia, it's okay. Things ended badly between Frank and I when he found out how I felt about Gerard. He and Gerard were best friends, so naturally Frank kind of hates both of us right now. I don't care that you like him. In fact, I think it's cute, since you guys would definitely get along. I just wish I had some kind of friendship with him again."
She chewed on her lip. "I'm sorry, Roslyn. You were nice to me when no one else will. I really won't ever talk to him. I wasn't going to anyway."
"No, go talk to him the next time you get a chance to. Cheer him up or something. You guys really would get along. I don't know if being friends with me will make him like you, but I really think you should talk to him."
"Well, I'm not abandoning you, just so you know. I actually like you."
I smiled at her. "Thanks. Are any of us actually going to watch this movie, or are we going to do something more fun with our night?"
We all stared at each other for a second. "More fun," we all decided.
"I still say I should do everyone's makeup and stuff. And then Jamia can use those camera skills of hers to take photo shoot pictures with us!" Alicia exclaimed.
We groaned. We were in for a very long night.