Shadows at the Dawn - Part 26
Kalah sat looking up at a very stubborn, slightly angry Zornah. They had been having this same argument for the past three months, and this time, she was not going to let him win.
"How many men in our legions fight with only one arm?"
"Zornah, love..."
"Don't start that shit with me. I'm not going to continue staying in this house while my family fights and dies around me."
"And what happens to us when you die?"
"You go on, just like we've gone on after each loss we've suffered recently." Her eyes softened a little. "Kalah, I'm not some dainty little doll sitting on a shelf. I can hold my own well enough against our daughter, I'm pretty sure that qualifies me to resume my regular duties."
"What about our grandchildren? What happens when they start arriving?" Kalah was fishing for excuses now.
"Husel and Laraunt have only been married a month, they're not going to start producing offspring for a while yet. Remmus and Pluto I'm sure can take care of themselves if it ever happens."
"And Zeeda?"
Zornah stared at him - Zeeda had not told her father yet?
"She - she didn't tell you..." Zornah sighed. "Our own healer's suspicions were confirmed over a year ago by one of Queen Serenity's physicians. Zeeda can't have children."
"What?"
"I don't know why she didn't tell you." Zornah sat down in the chair across from him. "They weren't ever really trying, but something should have happened by now. There's no explanation for it, it just is."
Kalah slumped back in his chair. He had always expected the next heir to Clan Centurious would come from his daughter, passing on her strength, her driven will. And now to find it would never happen chilled him. He honestly had no idea if Zeeda had even wanted to be a parent at all, but to find out she could not even make the choice to do so stunned him. Then his thoughts turned to why she had known for so long and never said anything. None of them had said anything, which meant she had not told anyone.
"How did you find out?" he asked his wife.
"It is something a daughter would confide in her mother. As to why she didn't tell anyone else, your guess is as good as mine. She may have just figured that since it wasn't anything she could fix, it wasn't important considering everything else we've been dealing with." Zornah's face hardened again. "Now, are you done fishing for stupid excuses?"
"I don't have much of a choice in the matter, do I?"
"I'll go crazy if I'm to be stuck in this house watching you all leave every day. I can worry about you not coming home just the same from out there, and I'll actually feel useful."
"You've never been useless."
"Yes, but how would you like it if I told you to stay here every day because I didn't want to face losing you? Have you ever considered that, husband?"
"Yes, and that never makes it any easier."
"Nothing about war is easy."
"None of us may survive what may come."
"All the more reason to have another sword out there. We have to do enough to keep the fragments from getting any further. They'd never be able to handle them, all their knowledge is in energy attacks. And while the Queen's army is relatively decent, they wouldn't last more than a few minutes."
"So, we sacrifice all we know to keep them safe."
"We risk all to keep Hura, Sastur, Remmus and Pluto safe - the others are secondary concerns."
"As long as they never hear you say that love."
Zornah matched his sad smile. They risked everything for people that the majority of did not even know about them. But that had been the agreement so long ago, and Queen Serenity had kept it that way. All would not be lost though, they would live on through Remmus, kept safe from all going on around them.
- - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - -
Lienta found Zeeda in the library one evening, surrounded by a pile of books. Though she must have heard him enter the room, she did not look up. Exhaustion radiated from them both, but there seemed to be little time to rest. Things were not going exactly well. They had three major fronts right now where the battle seemed to wage nonstop, and the darkness only knew when the end would come. They had also received news from other quadrants, and things were not going well for other clans outside their area. It seemed as if the whole void was filled with activity, and that was a daunting thought indeed.
Growling with frustration, Zeeda set another useless text aside. While their normal methods were keeping the fragments at bay currently, they could not keep going. In a few more years, they would be finished, all resources gone - and all of them along with it. She was searching for something she remembered hearing about a long time ago, but so far she had not had much luck. Their early history, though rather fragmented, mentioned a barrier of the soul. The details were slim, but it had been used thousands of years ago to halt the fragments. It could be their only hope, if she could just figure out what it was exactly.
"You need to get some rest." Lienta said softly.
"I haven't been able to sleep well for the past month, and you know it."
"Pushing yourself too much isn't going to do anyone any good. Don't make me go down and get a sleeping draught from the healer."
"That might be a good idea." Zeeda sighed as she straightened in her chair. "We're going to be lucky if we make it another five years. And if other quadrants are suffering the same as us, then there's little hope."
"There's always hope. A few people have reported sightings of watchers - that's always a good sign."
"Yeah, a good sign they're here for the show and nothing more." Zeeda snorted. "They don't involve themselves in anything. They'll just sit along the edges and watch as we're all destroyed."
"History shows they helped on occasion in the past."
"Well, it shows us they've had plenty of time here in the present to lend a hand and they're not. So I'm not going to hold my breath and hope they come to our rescue."
"She was my sister, and it still hurts. You're not the only one to suffer."
Lienta moved away towards one of the windows. A little over a year had gone by since that day at the waystation, and since then, Zeeda had slowly changed. They had all changed, but you noticed it most in the ones closest to you. It had happened slowly, but she had gradually become distant with those around her, pulling away into some place they felt they could not follow. Zornah and Kalah had noticed, but did not think much of it. But that was mainly because Zeeda was rather adept at keeping things from people - so they had not seen the full picture. It also helped that they all spent more time apart either out on patrol or at the front when their rotation slot came up. This loss hurt more than any other. Lienta had never expected her to withdraw from him, to feel abandoned by her.
"I leave in the morning for Clan Turat." Lienta could not keep the bitterness from his voice. "I'll be taking Fifth and Eleventh squads, and two from Clan Capartha with me. I don't know when we'll be back."
"Take First Squad instead, the Eleventh is full of new recruits that don't know enough yet." Zeeda's voice was soft, resigned. "I can't fix what I've broken, but I'll not send you off without the best chance of survival."
Lienta did not turn from the window, his hands clenched at his sides. First Squad was hers, it was an unspoken rule between all of them. None of the others ever stood at the head of those men, though they had every right, and could if the situation called for it. Somehow, First Squad had ended up being Zeeda's to the core. He should be feeling something other than disgust at the offer, it was not a hollow gesture on her part, but it came very close to too little too late somehow.
"When did you stop fighting for us?" Lienta muttered into the window. "Have fun with your books."
Zeeda watched him storm from the room without looking at her. She had never stopped fighting for the two of them, but the battle raging inside of her had pulled her away. Now she had lost the only thing that meant anything at all to her, and for once, she had no idea how to get it back.
- - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - - - - ( ) - -
Lienta had spent the rest of the evening in the garden after he had left the library. Their rooms were too cold and empty anymore to bring comfort. But he would be leaving soon, and knew he needed to attempt to get some sleep. Walking down the hall, he noticed a faint light coming from the small chamber next to their rooms where they kept their armor. Deciding he must have left the lamp on earlier, he slowly pushed the door open. The room was not empty however.
Zeeda sat slumped on the floor, her face pressed against the wall, and his breastplate clutched tightly in one hand. His armor gleamed like new, given the pile of soiled rags next to her still form. Her armor on the stand next to it looked dull and lifeless, though it was itself clean. It did not hold the normal shine and glow he was used to seeing. In the dull light of the single lamp she had lit, she herself seemed to have lost the glow that he normally felt surrounded her. Lienta stood in the doorway, confused and in shock.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"I - I was in the gardens."
Her back was too him, so he had not noticed the tears, but there was no mistaking the hand she lifted to her face to wipe them away. Something held him back from going to comfort her, though he could not say why he resisted.
"Do - do you remember when we were eighteen?" Zeeda's voice was low and soft. "You were so angry with me for holding back when we sparred together."
"I remember."
"At first, I had no idea what I'd done. Master Zilbrach had to explain it to me, and I felt so devastated by it. I thought I had pushed you away then, that I was losing you." Zeeda paused. "This time...this time I've apparently succeeded...and I know there's nothing I can say or do..."
Her words drifted off as she stood to replace the breastplate on the stand, made slightly difficult with how her hands shook. She kept her back to him.
"Centurion Tallus and First Squad will be going with you tomorrow. Keep Eleventh Squad to the rear - close enough to gain some experience, but not close enough to get themselves or anyone else killed. First Squad has better shields, they'll be able to help if...if the worst happens again."
"Zee, you'll need First Squad."
"I'm holding down the fort, it's my turn. Mother and Father are leaving in a few days, and with you gone and Husel not back yet, I'm the one waiting at home this time. I'll be fine."
Silence fell upon them for a long while, both struggling against their inner battles with themselves.
"A few months ago, I found a text...you know that in the thousands of years since we started recording our history there have only been about ten women with as much power as I have? They were also the first born in their families - and each of them faced a surge in fragment aggression, just as we do now. It would appear that I'm the key to our own destruction, I ushered all of this into being."
"You're not to blame for any of this." Lienta took a hesitant step towards her.
"It happened at least ten times before, and it's happening again. A female first born, with great powers - and she spells the doom for all her people. How am I not to blame for everyone's suffering?"
"Zee..."
"You know what they called these women? It's a term we've mostly forgotten in the time since the last one - they were called the Far'Merat - demon spawn, callers of destruction. I guess it explains my connection with Saturn, somehow." Zeeda sighed heavily. "The day I was born signaled the end for all of us. I caused all of this just by being here. These fragment attacks are more intense, more severe than anything ever reported in the past... "
Lienta stood behind her frozen. This had been the reason behind her increased distance recently? She thought everything was her fault?
"Not only am I the bringer of our destruction, I'm also the key to our salvation supposedly. I haven't found out how though yet, and we're running out of time. Promise..." Zeeda's voice broke. "Promise me you'll come back. I - I don't deserve you now, but I don't know how to go on without you."
"What do you mean you don't deserve me?" Lienta pulled her around to face him, though her eyes stayed glued to the floor.
"These other women, the other Far'Merat - they were either despised and cast out, or they watched their family die around them one by one until they stood alone. None of them could have children either."
"You didn't answer the question. What in the depths of this demon damned darkness ever convinced you...I don't care what you may think you are." Lienta placed a hand under her chin and pulled her gaze away from the floor. "So what if you are one of these Far'Merat women. I chose you, I married you - I love you dammit."
"But..."
Lienta cut her words off with a kiss, one as passionate as the day so many years ago when they were eighteen - and with even more behind it. He felt her melt against him, and her cheeks dampen against his face.
"I'll come back. I will always come back to you, no matter what happens. Just don't - don't shut me out." Lienta murmured into her hair after they separated.
"I'm sorry, I just..."
He leaned back to see her face, and silenced he with a gentle finger placed to her lips.
"There are no shadows on the sun, my love. And you have always been the light I orbit."
"Stray too close to a star and you burn up." Zeeda replied.
"I've survived this long, and I'm not going anywhere. You will never be alone. I won't let that happen."