January 30th, 1977
—H—
Remus had sat with his face in his hands, and Sirius looked damn near ill. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Hermione thought that maybe she should feel guilty about telling them both the truth, but she didn't. Not at all. It was about time, high time, really, that the Gryffindor boys understood the truth about their beloved Headmaster. And while she knew James would never, ever believe a word she said simply because he would always see Dumbledore as infallible, these two would know different.
"So, he … he made it impossible for Severus to say no." Remus finally stuttered out. He looked around the room, at the bed they sat on where Severus was sleeping behind them, at the dingy walls. It was like Remus was, for the first time, seeing the circumstances he was forced into.
"Unless Severus wanted to forfeit the opportunity to gain his mastership to stay with me, he made it so that Severus would see my life in danger should he back out of doing so. Yes." Hermione nodded.
"He's talked to us about it, you know." Sirius said thoughtfully. "This … Order." When Remus looked confused, and maybe even a bit hurt, Sirius gave his shoulder a squeeze. "To me and James, though I imagine he'll want you, too, Mooney. How could he not?"
"What has he said to you?" Hermione asked curiously, crossing her arms and her legs as she braced herself against the wall opposite them all.
Sirius shrugged. "That the war is getting worse, that he needs people he can trust, people he knows will do what it takes to stop Dark Wizards. And what's more, he liked that James and I will likely not have to find work after Hogwarts. That as members of old, Pureblood families we would likely be able to petition for places among the Wizengamot in a few years."
"And because I am a halfblood with a condition, I wouldn't be as useful."
"Your lycanthropy is hardly a hindrance in stopping dark wizards." Hermione said casually, smirking a bit at the wide-eyed terror that Remus had at her words.
He blushed, then went pale, then turned to Sirius, then to Hermione. He looked about to say something nearly a dozen times.
"You knew." He finally said.
"Yes." Hermione replied.
"And … and it doesn't bother you?"
She remembered his transforming in front of her three years ago and seventeen years from now. How absolutely terrified she was, and how she sort of chastised herself for never confronting him prior to that last night in the shrieking shack.
"No," She said with a slight shake of her head. "It's not as though it's something you have any control over."
"He said he'd killed his father," Sirius said before the topic of Remus' condition could be continued.
"I guess that was what You-Know-Who wanted him to do this evening. His father is a muggle, after all." She looked to where Severus was resting, the spell she placed on him to have him fall asleep still holding. But she doubted it would be for long. "I know it's not precisely warm out here but to move him now wouldn't be a good idea. Remus, I know you stay here when you're changing. Will it bother you any if we stay the night?"
"Do you think we'd let you two alone?" Sirius asked. "He had to kill someone tonight, Kitten. He didn't seem completely stable when he arrived. He might love you, but if he's even slightly out of it when he wakes, he may not be able to decipher friend from foe right away."
"I don't think Severus would appreciate sharing a bed with you two." She smirked, pushing off the wall. Withdrawing her wand, she pointed it at the piano in the other room, transfiguring it into a bed large enough for two. A few flicks at some of the torn sheets that laid about, and she sufficiently turned them into thick, warm comforters. She snatched one off the floor and handed it to Sirius. "If you insist on staying, you will do so in the next room. If Severus does wake, and is not half mad, he won't want an audience. We can put up a silencing charm if he needs to talk, and you can still see I'm safe."
"Done." Remus said, snatching the blanket from Sirius and venturing into the next room. He nudged the bed until it was in the direct line of sight of the dilapidated one Severus was sleeping on.
Hermione turned to see a strange sort of nervousness cross Sirius' face before he looked at her with a half-hearted grin. He rose, leaving the room, and Hermione went to Severus.
Climbing on the bed, sliding into the empty spot beside him, she examined his relaxed features. How long would they stay like that?
"Know that I love you." She said softly, moving the hair from his face. "Know that this changes nothing for me. You only did what you had to do." She kissed his cheek, and then cast as silencing charm on the room, including the doorway. She then curled up against him as best she could before closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep as best she could.
March 8th, 1977
—S—
The nightmares had come every night. The majority of the time, Tobias Snape had begged for his life in those dreams. He reminded Severus that no matter how bad things were, no matter how shit Tobias had treated him, that they were still blood. Father and son. And Severus had more than killed him, he maimed him in the process. Sometimes it was his mother, though those were few and far between. Now and then it was Lily, because she was a muggleborn-Mudblood- and needed to be taken out of the world.
And sometimes, on the worst nights, it was Hermione.
Severus had remembered coming to in the Shrieking Shack, lying next to her after he ripped himself from his nightmares. She held him tight, soothed him as he tried to plead for a forgiveness he already had from her, but it wasn't the same.
Something in him broke. And whether it was his soul, his conscience, or something else, it could never be repaired. He'd killed a man. It didn't matter that he wanted that man dead, that no one would miss him, or that Severus himself could have been the one dying in a puddle of his own blood had he not done the deed, he would never not be a murderer.
"What are you doing?" Hermione's gentle voice asked as she sat next to him on the couch in his lab. She had moved quietly, though he'd sense her arrival long before she entered the room, and once beside him, placed a warm hand on his thigh.
He reveled in it, allowing that touch, the heat to sooth him. But he wouldn't touch her. After that night, he hadn't been able to bring himself to initiate anything between them. He could barely allow her to do so, and they hadn't made love since before then. Or snogged. He'd kissed her but didn't allow for any passion. Part of him didn't think he deserved it, or her. Part of him was terrified he would actually succeed in convincing her of such things.
"Research," he replied softly.
"Would you like help?" She asked. She'd asked things like that constantly, and while anyone else who made the inquiry was promptly snapped at, Hermione was not.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "It is something I must do on my own."
She nodded, eyes sad, clearly missing him, but she didn't push. She didn't argue with him, or fight him on it, she merely just accepted it. Pulling a book out of her bag, she opened it and began to read. After a while, she leaned against him, and he wanted to sob with the relief and pain of it all.
Hermione absently turned and kissed his neck, and he winced.
"When are you going to understand that you are still the same Severus to me?" She asked not unkindly.
"How can I be?" he asked. "But then, maybe you've always known this of me. Maybe you already knew what I was capable of. But then that just begs the question, why the hell would you allow yourself anywhere near me."
"Severus," She growled.
"I have killed a man with a spell I fashioned to end a life if used the right way. To severely maim otherwise. I hadn't even thought of the need for a counter spell until the Dark Lord stood over my dying father and tried to heal him to prove a point. My father, Hermione. I may have hated the man, I may have wanted him dead-"
"But not by your hand." Hermione finished, because she knew him. She nodded, and he hated that she was so understanding. "What has your mother said about it all?"
He scoffed, "She wished she was there to watch the bastard bleed, after all he did to her."
"So, she's not angry with you. And I may have only figured it out before the holidays, but I did come to the conclusion that you would find yourself in this position. And, I have read the books, you know. I am aware what…." She stopped short and gasped for breath, grasping her neck.
Severus tossed the book aside and knelt in front of her, holding her hands and her gaze so she would gain her breath.
"I don't get it," She croaked, "you know. You've experienced it already."
"It's okay," He tried to sooth, feeling her pulse in her palms.
"No, it's not." She said, tears coming to her eyes. "It's not because you're slipping away from me, and I already know. I know, Severus. And there's nothing you would do that would make me love you less. You're the very best thing that came out of my accident and now I'm losing you. You're flinching from me, you're distancing yourself."
"Because maybe you deserve better."
"I don't want better, I want you." She snapped.
And Severus felt his lips twitch. From the fog of despair, of self-hate, he processed her words, and felt his chest rumble. And at her confusion, he laughed, loud and hard, throwing his head back. Her confusion became a glare, and he was gone.
"Severus Snape, are you laughing at me?" She demanded as he fell backward, catching himself on his elbows. He managed to open his eyes and glimpse her petulant glare and crossed arms and laughed again.
"At least you aren't trying to tell me that I am the best, just the best that's come of your awful situation. It helps to know you aren't entirely delusional."
Her nose crinkled as her lips puckered in a displeased pout, and his guffaws changed to something like a giggle. Shaking his head, he reached over and cupped her cheek. Despite her obvious unhappiness, she leaned into it.
"It's only going to get worse, you know. And there will be at least a couple years where we won't see each other often. What if in that time you hear of all the awful things I likely did, or meet someone much more worthy of you? How can you still want to risk association with me?"
Her expression softened, and she placed a hand over his to keep his touch on her cheek. "I want to be associated with you because you are my best friend. Bar none. Even if you decide you simply don't want me anymore, for any reason, I will always love you. And you will always be my best friend."
"What if I am made to hurt you?" He asked in a whisper, terrified to give voice to one of the things that was bothering him. "What if you're seen as a weakness in some way, and the Dark Lord demands I hurt you? Or worse? I'm beginning to think that Dumbledore is right in the fact I shouldn't have anyone close to me."
"And I believe in Alastor's stance. It will look more suspicious if you are close to no one."
He could see she wasn't going to let it go. He should have probably known from the moment he tried to distance himself that Hermione was not going to back down or let him go, no matter what evils he had done or would do. As the self-doubt, the complete and total feeling of unworthiness started to settle over him again, he played what might just be his last card in convincing her she was better off without him.
"If you stay with me, if you stay by my side as I go down this path, you're going to have to travel with me." He said quietly, noting her forehead wrinkle. "Hermione, it would mean turning dark with me. You can't show any signs of disapproval, any signs that perhaps you don't agree with the philosophy. Or, worse, that you are exactly the thing they despise."
Her forehead smoothed, and a gentle smile formed on her lips. "Why do you think I had such a breakdown after our meeting with the Dark Lord?" She reminded him. "Because I knew what this meant, and I was worried I wouldn't be up to the task. But I am. I am, I know I am." She surprised him by darting forward and kissing him roughly. "And so are you." She whispered against his lips as she pulled back. "You could do this on your own, but why should you?"
With her lips on his, and her tongue seeking interest, the logical part of Severus' brain short circuited, and all the excuses he had come up with before were suddenly null. The reasons for distancing himself had been stupid.
Merlin, had it really been over a month since he felt this? Deepening the kiss, that self-hating part of himself screamed how badly he didn't deserve this. Her. Happiness in general. Gods, he was disgusting.
But thankfully, the rest of his brain told that part to sod off and allowed he and Hermione to have some peace for a bit.
December 26th, 1994
—A—
"Why are we up here?" Harry asked as they made it to the seventh-floor corridor just as the clock struck midnight.
They would have been up there faster had Harry not insisted that they stop and get Ron before talking it all over. Prat though he was, Harry made a good point of things just getting back to right between them, and if he was left out, it wouldn't bode well. There had been grumbling, a bit of sibling bickering, but they eventually got moving to a spot where they could all be together without house mates complaining about intruders.
"Because we'll need privacy, somewhere no one will find us." Aurora replied as she spotted the ballerina trolls. She then began to pace frantically in front of the blank wall opposite of the tapestry,
A comfortable room, like a common room, where we could possibly sleep if need be.
She repeated the thought, and on her third turn while thinking clearly, a door appeared.
"Blimey," Ron said as he stepped toward the door, eyes wide. "How'd ya know about this?"
"Honestly?" Rory said as she stepped around him and placed her hand on the door knob. "Whenever my mother was ill during the school year, and not able to properly care for me, my father would bring me up here and ask for a safe room where I could play, with a door that would lead to his office if I needed him for something. It is the room of requirement, after all." She opened the door and stepped inside.
Never had the room disappointed her, and it certainly hadn't started now. Cushy sofas with pillows here and there were centered around a small table. A neat stack of blankets was beneath it, and off near the fireplace was a dressing screen. Beside that, five pairs of red pajamas, flannel and two piece by the looks, one pair of blue, and one pair of green. The assigned colors only helped draw attention to how the room was decorated in the three house colors.
"Should we get comfortable then?" Draco smirked as he headed toward the pajamas, lifting the green ones and giving them a little toss.
"I've never been to a sleep over before." Luna commented as she went to collect the blue pajamas. "At least not one that wasn't school wide and mandatory."
"Is there a loo?" Neville asked, and a panel of the wall behind him swung open to reveal the facilities he had just wondered about.
"What about food?" Ron asked, and then gave a high-pitched scream when a house elf appeared in front of him.
"Hi, Dobby." Harry greeted.
"Harry Potter!" The little elf greeted.
"What are you doing here, Dobby?" Draco asked.
The little elf yelped and turned around, pulling at its ears. "Master Draco must understand that he is not master anymore. Master Malfoy gave Dobby sock, and Dobby is now a free elf."
"Ah," Draco nodded, then frowned. "Never did know what happened to you."
Dobby nodded, letting go of his ears that now twitched as a smile came to his face. "Dobby was freed with the help of Harry Potter. Harry Potter is as good and brave and kind as Master Draco always said he was."
Draco turned nearly as red as the pajamas meant for the Gryffindors, and then his eyes widened. Aurora darted her eyes from him to where he was looking, and noticed Harry was blushing as well.
Ron gapped at Dobby. "No, it can't be. Malfoy telling you that Harry is all those things?"
"Master Draco told Dobby of Harry Potter. Of the real Harry Potter, not story like that the house elves hear."
"Right, yes. Well, Dobby, I think we need some food for Weasel to cram in his face so he can shut up." Draco sneered at Ron before taking his pajamas and dashing behind a screen.
"Should Dobby go to Hogwarts kitchen and bring food to Harry Potter and his friends?" Dobby asked, wringing his hands, and looking confused.
"Sure, Dobby. That would be wonderful."
Dobby smiled wide before disappearing. The Gryffindors gathered their changes of clothes, and as they did, multiple screens popped up throughout the room.
Changing, Aurora finally had a moment to fully comprehend what was about to happen inside this room. Was she betraying her Dad by revealing the truth? Well, it wasn't as if Harry wasn't going to find out anyway, was it? If he didn't find out the truth from her, he would find out on his own. The hard way. And it would likely end up causing a lot of issues. Aurora knew Harry hadn't particularly liked her father when they first met, and his antics and adventures didn't soften the relationship. But she had noticed in the last year that they weren't quite as hateful toward one another. She didn't want that to fall away.
She just hoped her father would forgive her for it.
But the last thing that she needed was Ron to run his mouth, or Harry to do so in a fit of rage. So, what could possibly ….
She had an idea. Not a pleasant one, but one that would work all the same.
Once they were all changed, they came together on the sofas. Neville and Luna on either side of Aurora, Draco between Harry and Ginny, Ron taking up a spot on the floor close to the coffee table were pastries and warm drinks were laid out.
"So why was Karkaroff so interested in your dad's arm. What's this sign he kept rambling on about?" Harry asked as Ron began to tuck in.
Aurora looked to Draco.
"I don't think it makes much difference, Rory." Draco said. "It's not my father we're worrying about here."
Nodding, she took a deep breath. "I can tell you everything, but I need something from all of you first: a wand oath."
"Goddabe kinning me." Ron said around a mouthful of food. "S'legal."
"If you mean illegal, you disgusting baboon, you're wrong." Aurora said with a grimace, ignoring the glare and the way Ron's face went red to his ears. "My mother was able to take an unbreakable vow at fourteen. And I was told her friends took one at sixteen and seventeen to keep this very secret. All you need to do one is a wand."
Harry shifted on the couch, unsure it seemed, and Neville was suddenly interested in the hem of his pajama top.
"I vow to keep what is shared between us." Luna's voice came clear and concise, wand raised as it glowed gold.
"I vow to keep what is shared between us." Draco repeated, chin high. Harry nodded, and followed, then Ginny and Neville, and finally Ron.
When the wands were put away, Aurora took a deep breath. "My dad is a Death Eater, but not by choice." She started, and Ron slammed his hand down on the table, looking toward Harry while he chewed a fresh mouth full of food, appearing all the world like he was saying "I knew it" in his head.
But Harry just looked curious.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean," Aurora sighed, "he was sort of given no choice at all."
And so, she explained. Her father had told her the story the year before, and while it haunted her as to what he had to become, what he had to do, it was also, she marveled now, a bit of a love story. It was with this perspective she spun the tale of his meeting her mother (though not the truth of her mother's arrival at Hogwarts), her friendship and the doors it opened to him as a Slytherin. She wasn't so light hearted when it came to the fateful winter when the role was forced on him, nor did she sugar coat how Dumbledore convinced him it was for the greater good, though she thought maybe there was more than her father told her going on there.
When she was done, the room was quiet, and she could see by the look on nearly all of their faces that their opinions were being changed. All but Neville's and Ron's.
"I suppose you're gonna say your Dad did it for your Mum, too, eh Malfoy?" Ron asked with scoff.
"No," Draco snorted in a weirdly haughty way. "My father is a proper Death Eater. He sent Rory and I off purposely so he could play with those muggles at the world cup. And it was sickening. He was high, strung out like he'd done a few illicit potions, when we returned home that night. The morsmorder in the sky … he loved every moment."
"When in contrast, my father raged." Aurora said. "When he heard what happened, a wall or two in his study needed repairs. As did his hand. My mother was furious he would hurt himself like that, but he was … he wasn't ready for this. He hoped Leo and I would be older when the possibility of the Dark Lord's return came." She met Harry's eye. "That you would be older. He may not like you much, but he doesn't want you needing to worry about that now."
"And so that's what Karkaroff if worried about, their marks?" Harry asked. He glanced at the others, and added, "Karkaroff must have one, too. Or else, why would he know about Snape's? He's probably the one that put my name in the goblet of fire, to take me out before Voldemort even returns."
"But he's worried about the return." Draco pointed out. "So, unless he's done something to really piss his master off."
"Maybe it was Snape." Ron suggested.
"Don't be daft." Ginny scowled.
"I'm not. Great git coulda done it."
"I doubt it." Harry replied. As Ron whipped his head around, facing his friend he clearly felt betrayed him, Harry shrugged. "Snape is a git, but he's never put us in harm's way, just dragged us out of it."
"He didn't." Draco affirmed. "He thought you may have found a way at first. I told him you couldn't have."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Really?"
"Of course. You aren't that clever." Draco sniffed and tilted his chin, and Harry smirked before giving him a ribbing. Draco smirked before turning to hide his face.
"Bloody hell, boys are both so obvious and oblivious." Ginny mumbled, and Aurora coughed to cover up her giggle.
"I often suspected Professor Moody to have done it." Luna said, causing the attention to go to her. She shrugged. "Wrackspurts seem confused by him, like he should do one thing yet does another."
"I may have to agree with Potter's theory of Karkaroff." Draco said. "He was in Azkaban after the war and got out by outing others."
"How do you know?" Ron asked, for once not in a sneering way.
"My father wrote me when he heard who had accompanied Durmstrang. He told me to ensure he knew who I was and what we thought of him."
"And did you?" Ginny asked with a laugh on her breath,
"No," Draco replied, barely suppressing the smirk. "I didn't even bother with him. Only with the Durmstrang students who didn't seem too interested in purity nonsense. Krum, for example. Or, at least, after Rory's birthday." The he properly smirked, "Was quite curious if you would be will to attend the ball with him."
Ginny blushed. "Never would be."
"Oi, you'll put me off my appetite." Ron insisted as he reached for another scone.
"Can I ask something else, Rory?" Harry asked, and with her nod, he leaned forward. "Your mother, Karkaroff said he was surprised to see her here. Why?"
Aurora's heart dropped in to her stomach, and she wasn't sure how to answer that. She wasn't even sure she knew what it meant.
"I can answer that," Draco said quietly. When eyes were on him, he glanced around. "And remember our vow to only discuss all this between us." He emphasized before taking a deep breath. "Uncle Severus was in Azkaban for a week."
"Two weeks," Aurora corrected.
"Two." Draco nodded. "And, well, Azkaban does things to people."
"Sirius won't talk about it much," Harry interjected with a nod. "He said he spent most of his time as a dog so the Dementors wouldn't bother him. But all the same."
"Yeah, well, even a couple weeks can be bad. And there's a thing, with wizard marriages: it's forever. Except, of course, if one of the two go to Azkaban."
"Why does that have anything to do with Rory's mother? Why would Karkaroff be surprised to see her?" Ginny asked.
"Because most all of the Death Eaters that went there had their marriages ended before they got out." Draco replied. "Crabbe and Goyle were raised by their mothers. Theodor Nott. All of those lot, if there were already children involved, or a pregnancy, the marriages were ended. Even Karkaroff's wife still only follows him for show, it's said."
"Because if the witch or wizard who went to prison showed any signs of being danger, their spouses could escape with their children." Ginny nodded in understanding.
"And I had just turned one the week before my father was arrested." Aurora confirmed.
"But your mum knew the truth." Harry said. "So, she stayed."
"That, and dad is wicked good at Occlumency."
"At Occlu-" before Harry could finished the word, a yawn broke through, and Harry's stretched mouth caused everyone else to follow with its contagion.
When Aurora blinked, cushy pallets were placed in a circle on the floor behind the sofa's. "Time for bed, it seems."
"Good idea, I'm knackered." Harry agreed, and the rest rose to grab pillows and blankets.
"We should do this more often," Luna said as they were getting settled. "If we think we can sneak here before curfew, and no one would be looking for us, we should all have a sleep over from time to time."
"Might be fun," Ginny agreed.
Once everyone was settled, the room dosed the bright light and replaced it with a soft, green glow.
"Like Black Lake." Draco murmured.
Aurora didn't say anything, grateful to the room for providing her comfort, and for Draco to make it seem like it was granted for him.
No one said a word though, all too tired and comfortable to carry on. Neville was curled on his side to her right, Draco on his back to her left. Through heavy eyes, she could see Harry's glasses in the space near Draco's head, and Ron's red hair on the pillow following. Luna was between the Weasley's, like a blonde buffer in case earlier animosity resurfaced.
Aurora wondered, vaguely as she drifted off, if maybe Luna could be a buffer when Ron inevitably finds out his brother had kissed her.
It's another short one. I think we're going to start getting longer again.
Thanks to all the reviewers, favoriters, followers, and general readers if you're still with me. moon kitty 87, , smootsmokey, HGranger89, lia-a-karas (maybe it won't eat your name now) Lucyole, WizardSmurf, Chelsea always, and Smallville Girl, thank you for leaving word as always.
It's a long road ahead for everyone. Until next time!