Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, just my OCs.
Warning: Chapter contains talk of suicide. Nothing major, just mention of Grace's previous attempts, but I thought I should warn you all anyway.
Grace awoke the next morning to the sound of running water in the bathroom of the hotel room. She rolled over to find that Reid was already out of bed, but he hadn't been for long, the spot where he had slept was still warm. Grace stretched then moved over to Reid's side of the bed. She pulled the blankets up to her ears and closed her eyes.
Reid came out of the bathroom, already dressed and freshly shaven. He smiled when he saw Grace curled up where he had been sleeping, taking in his lingering body heat. The way the sun hit her made her glow. She looked beautiful and he was reluctant to wake her, but knew he had to or she would miss the plane.
"Hey sweetheart," Reid said, sitting on the bed beside Grace, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Time to wake up."
"No..." Grace groaned.
Reid stroked her hair. "I know you're tired," he said, "But you need to wake up or you'll miss the plane."
"God forbid I get stuck in Vegas!" Grace laughed drowsily. "Whatever would I do with myself?"
"Come on, sweetheart, get up." Reid said. "I've got your bags all packed. Do you want some breakfast?"
Grace sat up and rubber her eyes. She looked around the room and noticed her bags packed and waiting by the door, but Reid's were still open and his things still scattered through the room.
"Why haven't you packed yet, Spencer?" she asked curiously.
"I'm uh... I'm going to stay another day." he said. "I'm going to see my mother."
"Can I come?" Grace's question surprised Reid.
"Why would you want to meet my mother?" he asked.
"Why wouldn't I?" Grace countered.
Reid sighed. "Grace, she's schizophrenic, she might not even be lucid today."
"But Spencer, I'm your girlfriend!" Grace argued. "I'm supposed to meet your mother at some point in this relationship. Why not now? When will we get another chance to be back in Vegas?"
"Grace, she's not well, she's in a sanitarium."
"Spencer, I should probably be in a sanitarium! Your mother's schizophrenia is not going to scare me off, Spencer. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of used to crazy."
Reid had to admit, compared to everything Grace had seen at the BAU, his mother's schizophrenia was nothing.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.
Grace nodded.
"Alright, I'll go tell everyone not to wait for us."
"Alright, I'm going back to sleep." Grace said, sinking back beneath the blankets and shutting her eyes.
Grace was jolted from her sleep suddenly. She looked around for whatever had woken her. Her head was on Reid's abdomen, he had removed his hand from her back to turn the page od the book he was reading.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, Grace." he apologized.
Grace wrapped her arm tighter around him. "I'm alright." she said sleepily. "What time is it?"
Reid kissed the top of her head then looked at his watch. "It's quarter after twelve."
"Can't we just stay in bed all day?" Grace asked.
Reid smiled. "As much as I would love to, we can't."
Grace groaned and got out of bed.
Grace was shaking in anxiety as she entered Bennington. Reid squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"Mom?" Reid said to a woman sitting in an armchair, reading a book.
"Spencer, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"I uh... I just finished a case." he said, thankful that she remembered who he was. "Mom, this is Grace, my uh... my girlfriend."
Grace shook Diana's hand. "It's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Reid." she said.
"Please, call me Diana." she said. "I thought Spencer was exaggerating when he told me how pretty you are. He may have an IQ of 187, but he doesn't know much about women, he tends to-"
"Mom, please." Reid said.
Grace laughed. "Well, he seems to be doing alright." she defended him.
They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting like any woman meeting her boyfriend's mother for the first time would. Instead of easing Reid's fears though, this only increased them. His girlfriend getting along so well with his schizophrenic mother probably wasn't a good thing.
"I like her." Grace said as they got into their cab that evening. "She's really great."
"She didn't scare you?" Reid asked.
Grace shook her head. "No." She wondered why he was so worried about what she thought of his mother until she finally realized it. "Spencer, I'm not schizophrenic." she said.
"I didn't say you were, but..."
"I know there's something wrong with me, Spencer," Grace interrupted. "But as long as I pretend like there isn't, well, there isn't."
Reid put an arm around Grace's shoulders. "I know you're afraid of what might happen if you were diagnosed with a mental illness, but wouldn't you like to not be depressed?"
"We've been over this, Spencer," she reminded him. "Pills can't fix how I feel. Everyone is sad once in awhile, I just get sadder than most."
"I know, but that's dangerous, sweetheart." Reid said.
"But I've got you to protect me." Grace argued.
Reid sighed. "I can't always be there to save you, Grace. I'd love to save you every time you need me to, but what if I can't? What if you were to try to hurt yourself again and I couldn't be there?"
"Spencer, I..."
"No, Grace. I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you. Grace, I think you might be bipolar. Please, I want you to get some help."
Grace pulled away and rested her head on the window. "I don't want drugs." she said simply.
Reid moved closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his head on her shoulder. "Grace, sweetheart, you don't have to take anti-depressants if you don't want to, but maybe therapy would help."
"How will telling my life story to some stranger help me?" Grace asked. "They don't care, Spencer."
"Please," Reid paused to kiss her bare shoulder tenderly. "For me?"
Grace put a hand on his cheek, but still did not look at him. "Alright." she sighed. "For you."
"Grace Ashton?" the psychologist called, entering the waiting room.
"Hey." Grace said, putting her book back in her bag and standing up.
The doctor outstretched his hand and Grace shook it.
"I'm Doctor Browning." he introduced himself.
Grace followed him down the hallway and into his office. She took a seat in an old, brown leather couch.
"So," Dr. Browning said, sitting down in a chair that matched the couch. "What brings you here, Grace."
"D-don't call me that." Grace stuttered. Since starting at the BAU, she did not like people to call her by her first name if they did not know her. It was too close, too personal, too real. She was Agent Ash. Tough, take no shit from anyone, Ash.
"Alright, Miss Ashton,"
Grace shook her head, "No, not that either." Miss was too feminine, too weak. This guy wouldn't break her. "Just call me Ash."
"Alright, Ash, why have you decided to come to therapy?" Dr. Browning asked.
Grace shrugged, staring at the wall beside the doctor, avoiding eye contact. "My boyfriend wanted me to come. He's worried I might hurt myself."
"And why would he think you might hurt yourself?"
Grace sighed. "I tend to feel things more... intensely than others."
"And why do you think you feel things more 'intensely' than others?" Dr Browning asked, scribbling something in his notebook.
"Isn't that why I'm here?" Grace asked, looking him in the eye now. "There's something wrong with me that needs fixed? I need reprogrammed?"
"Do you think there's something wrong with you?"
"No," Grace answered quickly. "I feel the way I feel. There's nothing wrong with that, right?"
Dr. Browning was silent.
"OK, maybe there is something wrong with me, but aren't you supposed to tell me that?" Grace mused.
The doctor was silent again.
"OK man, I'm not pay you a hundred and fifty dollars a session to get the silent treatment."
"I know you're smart enough to know that the patient is supposed to do the talking in therapy." Dr. Browning said.
Grace sighed. She did not want to be here, she just wanted to please Spencer. She wanted a quick diagnosis to shut him up and cease his worries. Clearly that was not what Dr. Browning had in mind.
"What is it you do for a living, Ash?" he asked.
"I work for the FBI." Grace answered. "I'm a profiler for the behaviour analysis unit. I uh... I catch serial killers by creating a psychological profile from the evidence."
Dr. Browning nodded. "So you see death every day."
Grace nodded. "Pretty much."
"Your boyfriend made this appointment for you, correct?"
Grace nodded again.
"And he claims that you have suicidal tendencies."
"Yep." Grace said as if this statement was no big deal.
"Do people in your line of work resort to suicide often?"
Grace gave him a confused look. "Not that I know of. It's a tough job, but I think it makes us appreciate life a little more, not hate it."
"Then why do you have suicidal thoughts?" Dr. Browning asked.
"I don't have suicidal thoughts at the moment." Grace corrected him. "Sometimes, when things happen, I get depressed, really depressed and I start to think that maybe everyone would be better off without me, or like there's no hope for me."
"What kind of things make you feel depressed?"
"I... I don't know." Grace said. "Sometimes someone will just say something or I'll see something or something will... It's memories. It's memories that make me depressed."
"Memories of what?" Dr. Browning asked.
"Things." Grace said, not really wanting to talk about it. "Bad things. I don't see why it matters. I haven't had any of these thoughts since Spencer came into my life."
"Hmm... Tell me about Spencer."
"He's uh... he's a genius. He has three PhDs, an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory. We work together at the FBI. He's uh... he's really awkward, but I think it's cute. He moved in with me a few weeks ago."
Dr. Browning nodded and scribbled something on his notepad. "So what is it about him that stopped your suicidal thoughts?"
Grace bit her lip. "He found me with a gun to my head one night. He stopped me. He told me that he cared about me, and he actually meant it. I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before him. I mean, I've got friends and family who would probably be sad if I died, but it's not like I could go to them with my problems and cry on their shoulder. Spencer's the only guy who hasn't hurt me. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man."
Dr. Browning was writing furiously in his notebook now. Grace knew he was going to tell her that her relationship with Spencer was unhealthy. The way she described it sounded like worship or desperation.
"Have you ever heard of the concept of transference?" Dr. Browning asked.
"Yes, I have." Grace replied. "Spencer tries to tell me that that's why I love him. I don't believe him, I believe that there's someone in this world for everyone, someone we're meant to be with."
"Let me guess, you started to believe this when you met Spencer?"
Grace nodded. "As a matter of fact, I did and I'm not going to sit here and listen to you tell me that I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, I'd like to find that out for myself."
Dr. Browning seemed to be taken aback by Grace's reaction. "Well, uh... I guess we'll end there for today. Please book your next appointment with the receptionist on your way out. For our next session, I'd like to discuss those memories you mentioned earlier."
"Hey sweetheart." Reid greeted Grace at the door of their apartment. He kissed her gently on the lips. "How did it go?"
"Let's not talk about it." Grace said, kissing Reid back.
He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist.
"How 'bout we go to bed?" Grace suggested, running her fingers through Reid's messy brown hair. "We have a long drive tomorrow, are you all packed?"
Reid nodded and kissed her. He carried her into the bedroom and sat on the bed, still holding her, still kissing her.
"Spencer, please, let me breathe!" Grace giggled, breaking away from his lips.
Reid kissed her neck and continued to her shoulder then down her arm.
"Spencer, we have a sixteen hour drive tomorrow! We have to get to sleep."
"No." Reid protested.
"What's with you tonight?" Grace laughed.
Reid shrugged. "You." he grinned. "I love you."
"I love you too, Spencer. Now get to sleep."
A/N: OK, pretty pointless chapter, I know, but I needed something to fill the gap before their vacation. Please don't forget to review! Next chapter will be up shortly.