I know it's been forever. Ha, I feel like that's always how I start a chapter on this story when I haven't updated in a while. Excuse? Well, it's summer! I've been out in the "real world" having "fun." Haha, but I actually have been writing this chapter for some time. A few months, perhaps. I just hadn't gotten around to posting any of it. Anyway, it's a pretty long chapter so I hope it makes up for my long absence! Hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner than this one was compared to the last. Sorry! But... enjoy. :)
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February, Year 3018 of the Third Age
Fourteen days had passed since I had begun my new career as teacher and healer. The class was improving every day, though more questions were being asked as to why they needed to learn how to heal. I usually brushed off their questions with simple answers like, "This is the kind of thing every Elf should know," or "Ask your mother, I am sure she would know exactly how to use this herb as well." I only hoped their mothers would be able to quell the myriad of questions.
Fourteen days had also passed since I had seen Legolas, but I had barely noticed. Féoras had taken up most of my time, visiting during class, sitting with me over feasts, and even coming to my room to invite me for walks around the wood (albeit rather close to the halls, as the patrols insisted we stay near). Though Féoras and I talked much, he never mentioned the patrol and even I was too timid to ask for the details; I saw the exhaustion that consumed his body and noticed the clouding of his eyes, the distant, fatigued look that screamed for help. The entire wood balanced on the edge of a sword, often teetering far too close to total despair. Every Elf in Mirkwood knew something was coming, and the dark mist that had begun to descend over the treetops every night was not the only sign of darkness to come.
Spiders. They had always dwelt in our wood and admittedly, most Elves had had a run-in or two with them in their lives, but they had never been a real threat until now. They had begun attacking in groups, banded together by some sort of promise that they were not the only ones fighting to topple the peace of Middle-earth. Many Elves had returned at odd hours of the night, bitten with the venomous fangs of spiders half the size of oliphaunts. Though I could not be sure, I was fairly certain the hairy, eight-legged beasts had put a good number of our patrols under a healer's care.
I began to disappoint myself; I was not helping the wounded and I was not defending our borders—what was I doing?
"King Thranduil needs you to help train the Elflings," Féoras said in the calm, collected voice he had adopted for situations like this—situations in which I was storming around my chambers threatening to tear things apart unless I was put back on patrol.
"He can get someone else!" I yelled, glancing at Féoras' timid face and remembering that he was not the one who took me off patrol to begin with. I scowled at my feet, angry that I had once again been letting Féoras take all the blame when he was the one trying to soothe my bad temper.
"He needs all the other healers to help with the wounded," Féoras said after a moment, standing from the bed regally. I sighed in resignation, wanting to continue the argument—why could I help the wounded while someone else teach?—but knowing who I actually had to talk to about it. Féoras motioned for me to come closer, and I did, letting him embrace me with those strong, reassuring arms. I allowed a moment or two to pass before gently pushing him away. "I am truly sorry I must leave you now," Féoras said, placing his hands on either of my shoulders and smiling warmly down on me. Though he tried to hide it, I still saw the hopelessness in his eyes.
"Go," I replied, sighing again and watching as he turned to leave my room, heading back to patrol. I knew he was not responsible for my helpless situation, but I was avoiding the one person I really wanted to hit—that blond-haired, brown-eyed Elf who called himself a Prince. I grimaced. When had it come to this?
"A smile does everyone a bit of good," a familiar voice said from my doorway. I would have been startled if I had not been as angry as I was. I looked up to see dark brown hair juxtaposed with blue eyes, and I smiled weakly in reply. "There you go," Malian said, stepping into my room and sitting down on the bed, pulling me down with him.
"I can't take this anymore, Mal," I admitted, collapsing into a heap beside him. He looked at me from above, shaking his head.
"On the bright side, it can't get much worse."
I looked up at him, alarmed. "Don't say that! That's when things do get worse!" Malian chuckled.
"Alright, I apologize. Look, do not lie around in bed all day. It may be a little misty, but it is still a warm day. Go outside," he suggested, his eyes twinkling despite the rather grim tone of his voice.
"You cannot fool me, you dolt. It will only be more depressing outside," I said, closing my eyes and trying to remember the last time I saw a truly beautiful day. "Besides, I have to teach in just a little while. I better start heading toward the supply rooms." I heaved another sigh and stood, stretching and yawning. Malian watched me and shook his head.
"Let me walk you," he insisted, standing to offer his arm. I took it lazily and we strode toward the supply rooms together.
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"Edrahil, what in Middle-earth do you think Caisal would say if she saw you doing this?" I admonished jokingly, watching Edrahil dancing and spinning one of the she-Elflings in a circle. She could not suppress her flirtatious giggles, and I rolled my eyes in response to Edrahil's cheeky eyebrow raise. He grinned, letting go of the Elfling and she hopped dizzily back into the crowd that had gathered around him.
"That's enough," Edrahil said after a moment or two more of uncontrollable sniggering. "Take your seats," he told them, smiling at me before stepping back with the other volunteers. The Elflings scrambled into their desks, eager to learn more about the art of healing.
"Arnica," I began, "reduces inflammation and pain from bruises, sprains, tendons, dislocations, and swollen areas. It improves local blood supply and accelerates healing. It is anti-inflammatory and increases the rate of reabsorption of internal bleeding. Arnica is usually large yellow or orange flowers," I explained, holding one up. The Elflings scribbled down notes on parchment, drawing pictures of the flower I held in my hand. "Tarragon is also anti-inflammatory, and is a mild sedative—"
I would have continued, but the door to the supply room had just been flung open, and a vaguely familiar Elf stood in the doorway, dressed in the garb of the guard, looking slightly pale and very rushed. I dropped the arnica and stared at him.
"Lady Laina?" he asked breathlessly. I nodded uncertainly. "I have seen you with a bow, and though I have been instructed not to warn you if there is trouble, I think the patrol needs you." Most of the Elflings' eyes widened in fascination, but mine were wide in horror. I turned to the volunteers.
"Go," Edrahil whispered, and I looked at him, silently thanking him before hurrying to the visitor and pulling him out of the room, slamming the door behind us.
"And your name is?" I asked immediately, thinking of nothing else to say.
"Hisael," he replied, scanning my face hurriedly. "The Prince would cut off my head if he knew I came to find you, but I have seen you at the archery range and I have heard that you would much rather fight than teach," he was speaking so fast my mind was spinning, "and we could really use some help out there so get your bow and arrow and let us go!"
Well, he did not have to tell me twice. I grabbed him by the wrist and jerked him toward the stocked supply room, grabbing a bow and a quiver full of arrows and slinging it over my back. I remembered to grab two knives and fasten them onto a belt around my waist. I finished quickly and looked back at Hisael. "Take me," I implored, and he sprinted down the corridor with me at his heels.
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The battle was uglier than I had expected. It was in the clearing of the wood, and I let my jaw drop in horror at the scene. Since when had spiders and Orcs started attacking together? I watched as countless Elves nocked arrows into their bows, firing without concentrating, just firing over and over at the enlarged spiders that threatened to poison and tear apart. I saw Elves I knew, including Malian, Féoras, and Legolas, slaying Orc after Orc, busying themselves with ridding the spiders of their smaller, easier-to-kill counterparts.
I realized I was standing and staring instead of fighting, and I immediately hurried to Malian's side, calling his name.
"Laina! What are you doing here?" Malian yelled back, upending an Orc, sending him flying onto the ground before reaching down to snap his neck. I noticed he was lacking a weapon and saw, a few feet from him, a bow abandoned on the ground. I picked it up and threw it to him, motioning for him to grab a few arrows from my quiver. He shook his head in comical disbelief. "Leaf'll have us all killed before he sees you shoot an Orc," Malian said, winking at me and managing a smile despite our circumstances. He nocked an arrow in his bow and released it, and we both watched it soar into the forehead of an oncoming Orc.
"Well, I guess you'll all have to die, because here comes some more," I replied, gritting my teeth and aiming my arrow carefully, letting it fly into the arm of another Orc. He fell to the ground with the others.
The battle raged on, and I found myself ducking under the swing of an Orc-blade before catching the creature's arm, twisting it and sending my fist into his face. I grabbed a knife from its sheath and stuck it into the Orc's throat, pulling it out as he fell. I watched Malian and Féoras fell more Orcs as well, and tried to help send more arrows in the direction of the two spiders left on their eight legs. The other three had just been killed, and lay twitching on their backs in the clearing.
At that moment I saw another group of Orcs come running at me and I turned to shoot at them when I felt someone back into me. I nearly stuck a knife in his back until I caught sight of blonde hair touching my shoulders and I realized it was an Elf. I pressed my back against his in turn, firing at the Orcs ahead of me until they had all fallen as well. I turned to see Elf behind me, and I should not have been surprised to see rather astonished honey-brown eyes meet mine—come on, had I not realized he had a sort of affinity for these situations?
"Laina! What are you doing here?" he demanded, reaching his bow over my shoulder and sending an expert arrow into a spider's eye.
"I'm helping," I answered, aiming an arrow at the spider as well but only hitting one of its many legs. "If you had not noticed, I just killed about five Orcs that would have been at your back in seconds," I explained. At that moment, the spider took a giant step toward us and both Legolas and I sent more arrows in its direction, Legolas hitting it squarely in one of its eyes and my arrow lodging itself somewhere in its torso. I realized that there were no more Orcs left in the battle, and instead they lay in stinking masses on the ground. The two spiders were our only problems now.
"Get out of here!" Legolas yelled, stepping in front of me as if he were standing between me and the spider, and sending another arrow into its eye. I wanted to stick a knife in his arm but instead I nocked an arrow in my bow and aimed it over Legolas' shoulder, letting it fly and hit the spider in another arrow-covered leg. Legolas spun around, his eyes narrowed into a scowl.
"You can't stop me from helping right now, Leaf!" I yelled over the din of the fight. As I nocked another arrow in my bow, I noticed Malian running at the second spider with a rather large sword in his hands. I heard him yelling at the Elves around him to keep shooting. I let my arrow go without much care as to where it landed and began to run in Malian's direction, firing over and over at the second spider. "MAL!" I screamed at him as he ran ever closer to one of the spider's eight legs with a sword that glinted in the sun. He turned his brown head to glance at me and I could have sworn I saw him wink before raising the sword and hacking at one of the legs.
"Ilúvatar!" an Elf yelled in loud despair, sinking onto his knees. I had never seen this Elf before, but I ran over to him and picked him back up.
"We do not give up," I said to him, and I had meant it to be a reprimand but it came out as more of a statement than anything else. The Elf looked at me quizzically, his eyebrows furrowed. I patted him on the shoulder before turning again toward the spider.
Malian was still hacking away at its leg, determined to cut off what part of it he could. The spider was now focused intently on him, and its great head began to move in his direction. "NO!" I yelled, wishing there was anything else I could do other than send more arrows in the thing's direction. Suddenly, I heard a great thud and noticed the other spider, lying on its back with its legs twitching menacingly in the air. I stared at it for a moment before turning back to the second spider and loosing more arrows at it.
The spider could not be distracted. Its many eyes found Malian, and it dipped its head toward him faster than the most skilled Elf could nock an arrow. I watched in frozen horror as one of its teeth pierced Malian's chest. The world began to slow, and I could barely hear his cry of pain as he hacked one last time at the leg before it crippled under the spider. The loss of part of a limb must have thrown of the spider's balance, because as soon as the leg crippled, the spider began to fall as well. I watched Malian raise two weak arms and drive the sword into the underside of its belly as it fell before moving out of the way and collapsing on the ground next to the dead spider. For good measure, a few Elves around me hurled more arrows in its direction, but it twitched and then moved no more.
I could only stare from a distance at Malian lying on the ground bleeding. I did not know what to do other than stare. And I was a healer for Varda's sake! But then, that was why I was afraid. I felt a strong hand grab my wrist and pull me in Malian's direction, but I fought it. I did not want to go. I could not watch…
"Laina! We have to help him!" Legolas' voice was yelling as he continued to pull me in a race to Malian's body. I could barely hear the other voices around me as we came to a halt on the ground beside him. "Malian," Legolas nearly whispered, putting a dirty hand on Malian's white cheek.
"Prince," Malian croaked, smiling a little sheepishly.
"Don't call me that," Legolas insisted, bending over his betrayer. "Let me help you up, we need to get you back—"
"No, Greenleaf," Malian insisted, grabbing his old friend's wrist weakly. "This is not a wound you can heal." I swallowed hard, having already known the truth in the words Malian was speaking.
"Don't be so dense," Legolas said crossly, trying to pull Malian up once more. "It's barely there, the healers will have you back on your feet in no time…"
"Leaf," Malian said again, smiling this time. I watched what was left of the color drain slowly from his face as they talked. Malian's eyes began to look a bit glassy and his breath was coming out in short gasps. I could not breathe. "I am so sorry…"
"No!" Legolas replied in a harsh whisper. "Don't do this, Mal."
"Shut up Greenleaf and let an Elf talk," Malian managed, blood now trickling out of his nostrils. I could barely tell I was sobbing. "I am so sorry for what I have done, but there is not…not really time for that now…I want you both to know," he said, looking from Legolas to me with a smile in his eyes, "that I love you both…very much…I always have…and…tell…" he began to slow down. Legolas put one hand on Malian's shoulder, and I thought I saw a tear fall down his cheek onto the ground beside us. I could not touch him. I could only watch. Malian swallowed hard and opened his mouth again, but his voice was nothing more than a whisper. "Tell…Kaethe…that I love her…" With those words, his body relaxed. Blood ran in one line from the corner of his mouth down his pale chin and onto the ground. Legolas pressed his fingertips softly to Malian's eyelids, forcing them closed.
"No…" was the only word I could say. Tears were blurring my vision and thoughts that were swimming in my head began to cloud my senses. I wanted Malian to hold me one last time, to give me that regal smile or to look at me with those blue eyes, but I had watched them dim and fade. They would never open again.
I was not sure how time passed after that. I could smell the dirty stench of a burning pile of Orc carcasses, but everything remained hazy. Elves were thrown over other Elves' backs, dead or alive, but neither Legolas nor I were moving. Even Malian's body was hardly there to me; my head felt so light that I nearly fainted. My stomach had nestled in my feet but was burrowing back up and threatening to jump out of my mouth and onto the ground before me. Noises around us were both deafening yet inaudible, yells and footsteps and confusion.
After what felt like hours, a hand pressed firmly on my shoulder, grabbing me and pulling me onto my flimsy legs. I had forgotten I was alive. My thoughts vanished and my vision cleared; I came to see one of the Elves who had been in the fight picking Legolas off the ground as well, a sympathetic smile on his face. Legolas looked from Malian's lifeless body to the Elf and nodded a terrifyingly empty gesture.
"Prince Legolas, we must return with the good news," the Elf said authoritatively, managing a thin smile again. A chill ran down my spine. Legolas nodded. The good news, how ironic. We had managed to kill a few overgrown spiders and fell a number of Orcs, but one of the most important Elves in our lives had been taken in the process. Bittersweet was not quite the word.
Legolas glanced at me for the first time in a while, and I saw things missing there behind those honey brown eyes. First, I did not see the indistinguishable yet comforting look he had taken to giving me (and now that I knew what I knew, I guessed it was more distinguishable than not). Second, I did not see the strength he had always shown even in the presence of ill tidings, and third, I did not see hope. For a moment I felt lightheaded again and my knees threatened to give way beneath me, but the look Legolas continued to give stopped me. If he could not love in spite of death, I could. If he could not be strong, I could. If he would not have hope, I would.
"Let's go," I managed to suggest, and to my surprise my voice was steady. Legolas looked at Malian again as a tear fell down his cheek. "He would not have wanted this for us, Legolas," I continued, taking a step closer to him. Legolas flinched. "He died to save us. Do not let his death be in vain."
"It was in vain!" Legolas spat, looking back at me with a dangerous glimmer in his eyes.
"Only if you let it be," I argued softly, taking another step forward. I was trying to imagine how hard this was for Legolas; not that it was not hard for me. I loved Malian, but he and I had been on good terms for a while. I had seen him smile. I had joked with him. Legolas had spent his time hating him, and he could not be blamed for it, but he regretted it now more than anything, of that I was certain. I feared it would take much consoling before Legolas would come to terms with this. And I was just trying to be strong enough for the both of us, putting what had happened between us behind in the face of death.
"You cannot understand," Legolas whispered, the anger slipping off of him like a silk sheet. It fell around his feet and disappeared.
"I will not argue with that," I agreed, taking one last step toward him and placing a hand on his shoulder. The gesture felt awkward, though, and I could not stop myself from bringing my arms around his neck and hugging him closely. "But he will not have died in vain if we fight this, if we continue to fight and if we don't lose hope. The world still needs us. It still needs you," I said into his ear. He did not make to put his arms around me in return, but continued standing there, no doubt looking over my shoulder and onto the ground beneath us.
"My Prince?" the Elf from before had approached us again. "It is time."