Now we see the darkest side of Erik's past

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Christine made him wait three days, three long miserable days where he agonized over what he would tell her, before he was allowed to explain his history. He'd been dreading this part and yet wanted to do it as soon as possible to get it over with. He was scared. He never liked to admit when he was to himself, but he was. He was scared she would leave him once she knew. Finally she sat once more next to him, with his pen and notepad in hand.

He was sure the stress was worsening the shakes in his feeble hands as he held the pen above the paper. She looked at him apprehensively. She was just as nervous as him, though for different reasons. What if he goes into shock again?

They looked at eachother, as if to say, 'that is a risk we must take.'

Then he began to write 'Before I begin Christine I want to remind you of a very important thing I discussed last time. What I have for most of my life perceived as good is far different from what you would view as good in a moral sense. Good to me as I had learnt so far in this retelling is not being beaten and being praised. So anyone who did not hate me was someone I thought good. And if that someone praised me, I thought I was doing the right thing. It is no excuse for the crimes I am about to discuss and I know now, after meeting you and Naddir, that it was wrong. Unspeakably wrong. After today I understand if you want to kill me. After today I think you'll understand why I endangered everyone but you at the opera house, because the pain I was in then seemed to trigger these memories, these concepts taught to me by my warped morality as I will discuss. This is how I became a monster.

He paused as if to prepare himself then continued After leaving home, I found myself working as a small architect. I drew a few plans for free to gain a reputation then gained enough popularity from my work to start really making money. I was only 14 when my biggest customer came to me. He would also be the demise of any good I ever had.

It was the Sultan, who wanted me to construct secret passages throughout his palace to spy on people. I was known for building these for my clients and had become so skilled at it that if you did not know EXACTLY where it was, you'd never find it.

Of course I was pleased. Erik was getting praise and to work and amaze the sultan, why, that would be the best reward of all. Erik would become the best person. When I got there, plans started out well enough. The first thing I set out to do was to construct a dummy so he could appear to be in multiple places at once.

That's when Erik met, HER. He was working on the dummy and was about to get up when the sultana was standing in the doorway. Oh she was gorgeous, an evil vixen. Of course, no where near as beautiful as Christine. She walked over and looking back Erik could tell she was seducing me, flirting to get her evil done. She was a succubus I am sure.

She walked over and asked if Erik would construct a small side project…

Her excuse was there was a terrorist they needed information from, and he would not budge. She said Erik would be a great help if he could build something to get it out of him. And of course Erik did. She was thrilled. Soon, more interrogations were 'needed' and Erik was only happy to comply.

It is here my love, that you will hate me. One day I decided to sneak down and check on her. And what Erik saw was her laughing with what seemed to be all the joy in the world. What she was laughing at was a line of people, being led to Erik's inventions and chambers. Looking back Erik now knows he is a monster because of this moment. For instead of caring, instead of being appalled, he… He laughed with her… All he could think was she was happy because of him. And Erik thought… Oh Erik thought he was doing good! Oh Christine, there is not enough in hell to punish Erik for that, and what Erik did next. He actually went and made her even more. Each one more devious and painful than the last. Erik does not know how many he killed. He felt justified, before her no one ever cared or helped him. They hated him. And the Sultana was happy, so Erik was. Oh god Christine I-'

But at this moment it was too much. All of his self hate he had tried for years to compensate and burry came rising up in one painful gust. He wanted to kill the beast that he was. He threw the pad and in a fit of insanity attempted to stab his throat with his pen. If Christine had not been there in time to catch his hand before the incision could go deeper and had he been any stronger, he would have died right there.

But as it were he did start bleeding profusely from the hole he managed to carve in his damaged skin. He kept screaming. He did not know he was screaming. All he could hear were the screams of the men, women, and children he helped behead, strangle, cut open, tear apart, burn alive, and other various methods of murder.

Christine was terrified. She held down his thrashing body with one hand, and tried to get rags off the table with the other. This was the worst episode of pts she had ever seen him have. Finally she managed to cover his wound and he was losing energy, feebly tossing and turning. She had to act quickly. She ran to the closet and grabbed belts and suspenders and fastened him tightly as she could to the frame of the bed. By now he was barely awake. She ran to grab poper bandages and sewing supply. She needed to stitch up his neck as fast as she could. Then wrapped it tightly.

He was sobbing and trying to say something but couldn't from his throat. He began gesturing to the pad and now bloody pen. Had he not been so admit, Christine would not let him, but she knew in that moment he needed to. So she careful placed the pen in his thin hands and placed the pad under it so he could write.

Let me die. I do not deserve to live any longer. The pain I have wreaked is too much.

Then with an insane look in his eye he gestured for Christine to read. He bowed his head silently as she read his guilt. She gasped out loud as she read his crimes. She needed to sit or she would faint. How could he? How could anyone… But then she remembered three crucial facts. One: He truly at the time did not know it was wrong. It would be like telling a lion it is wrong for killing a zebra.

Two: While he did build them, he was under the command of the Sultana, who was the one who actually wanted them to die. Erik was only happy because she was, not because they were dying. He seemed to not care, because he did not know it was wrong.

Three:Had he not too been tortured? Had he not been burned, beaten, stabbed, cut into , torn apart at the very seem to the point he was made into a monster?

She was silent, contemplating. Had he not realized it was wrong? Had he become more than the monster the world made him into? That was a feet most she was sure could not do? Even now he wished to die because of his new morality. He was a different man she concluded. At the time he was fourteen, brainwashed, under intense trauma, and was literally being taught by the one who really was the monster.

She stood up from her chair and walked over to the man who seemed dead already. He was coughing again but barely moved with each cough. She touched his hand lightly. He looked up in surprise.

"You're not a monster. Not anymore. While I do not agree with your past obviously, I do know you were literally a different person then. You were not the monster you described when you took me under your wing. You are not that monster now. I could not blame you, you really had no clue of what you were doing. It's like being d-drugged. And then being told to do t-things you would never do n-normally.." She trailed off. And shook her head, another time. "Tell me this Erik. Would you torture someone now for fun? Enjoy their death without any provocation?"

He shook his head. "Now I know some died because of you at the opera, but I need to know. Please be honest, were you slipping into a past… mindframe, driven mad by m-me, when you caused those deaths? Or because they tried to come to your house and attack you? Or did you want them to die simply because they were their?"

He held up one finger. "So because of reasons besides they were there and you were scared, and did not want to be scared again?" He nodded.

"I think… I can live with that. I will have to make sure you never have to slip into that past mindframe again, Erik?"

He looked in her direction. Eyes still firmly looking down "Promise me, you will not hurt another person, unless I say so. I do not care how angry you are, if you agree, and stay true then I can stay because I know the monster will never return. And when I say hurt, I mean yourself as well."

He paused. This was a big promise of him to make. Of course he never wanted to hurt others but he was scared of losing control and giving in to the monster that ravaged all he loved. He wanted so bad to just kill the thing, to kill himself, to rid the world of the beast. But it was his Christine. The one person he would do anything for. So slowly he then a thought occured and he quickly gestured to the pad

What if you've been kidnapped, or we have intruders? What if I can't reach you to know?

"Intruders I want you to capture, not kill, then we will decide what is safest. If something happens and you are not sure, kill only in self defense. Not when you think you are in danger, but when you know you are and can see the attack about to happen. Otherwise just incapacitate them some how. Oh and, if you want or need to bully the managers, only non lethal pranks. No permanent damage is to be done. Ok?"

He nodded. "Now can I take off the restraints without you trying to hurt yourself again?" He agreed once more. And so she did. His arms flopped to his side and his head rolled with them. She had never seen a man more destroyed than in that moment. She lifted his head and carefully adjusted him into a more comfortable position. He looked at her hands, wheezing. His breaths were so weak as of late. He patted her hand and grabbed the notepad again.

"Erik… please"

He tried shaking his head and wrote in the worst hand-writing yet

You should know, sometime after, the sultan ordered to have me killed because he was finished with my services and you know the rest. I came here and built the Opera house. And for those deaths after that... Pangi died in self defense. I was trying to get to you and just knock him out, but things got ugly. And Boquet deserved it. The night before he drugged two of the ballet rats and well… The timing of when I wanted to kill him and needing a body to hang happened at the same time. Phillipe was trying to swim to my home to kill me, and I usually steal the person sitting under the chandeliers ticket just in case, but the managers by passed me and it just happened to be the very night I planned to finally drop it. I had that saved when I built the place, as a final warning. They are all dead because of me, but I thought you should know I did not really set out to kill them. I have not done that since Persia, as I made a promise to Naddir. Nothing I can do will ever repay their lives, well maybe Bouquet, but I understood now what I did not then. I just needed you to know.

"Thank you, I appreciate that bit of peace at least." He still looked so… dead. She knew this had triggered his depression. Normally it seemed that he would vent that depression through anger but as he had no will or energy anymore, he was trapped there, in the voyd. She wanted so badly to give him peace.

She put down the pad and crawled into bed next to him. He looked at her with vacant eyes. As if searching. She pulled him onto her bosom. So he was elevated more so and so she could protectively put her head on his and hold him close. Then she began to sing. She knew now he needed rest and music always seemed to have a way of curing his soul. And slowly she felt his hand grab hers and squeezes it as if to say 'thank you, thank you for staying, I love you'

She smiled. Hopefully he could learn to cope with this again. She sighed, for she knew tomorrow would be her turn. The only positive thing to come of it was she knew her pain tomorrow would snap Erik out of it and give him purpose. It always did when it involved her well being. She kissed his forehead.

Maybe, just maybe one day, they both could heal from this.

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So that was intense and hard to deal with. But I want to make ultra clear, how Erik was really really messed up. If you have ever seen Sweeney Todd and how the Judge and make him into the villain you can kind of get an idea. Only add in practical brian washing and never being taught murder is bad and basically having or the Sultana teaching you what is good and what not. Then add in torture. And ptsd. Then learning after that that is not good behavior or morality. Kind of like what happened to hitler youth after ww2. They were sent off to correction camps to basically be unbrainwashed. And some even became Nazi hunters and many tried to help with refugees after. So think Sweeney Todd being raised by /Loving her, plus insane amounts of torture on both Sweeney and others, then Having a correctional camp. (Ei. Erik raised with messed up morals, then Sultana-lovett- then having Christine and Naddir (correction camps) teach him his whole life is a lie and that he was a monster. Plus like I said, a lot of ptsd)

So yeah. That is why Erik will switch from one minute being a gentleman then the next being the little bag of life and death, then snapping out of that mindset, and letting her go.

Next Chapter it is Christines turn...