Hello!

I realize now that I am quite terrible at predicting story length. And that I should have perhaps warned you guys that the last chapter wasn't actually the last chapter. (I'll change the status to "complete" when it is.) This isn't, either. So don't freak out on me :) I don't wanna be held responsible for anything…

Notes: (wow, so many new people!)

Blu: You're mad? Really now? I had no idea… and yes, I am hiding :) and there's a chip?? That worries me greatly. Game lifespan :) great.. and yes. Their bribery would be fascinating :)

Lokkish: Hi! Thanks :)

Fantasyfan4ever: Inane?

Robins Princess Starfire: Thanks :)

IrresoluteSongbird: It wasn't the last chapter, don't worry.

Sipi3: Miracles are always a possibility.

Victoria-Blackheart: Awww. Thanks :)

Moonlight Black rose: don't cry..

Ryu433: You'll see :)

Carebear1: Don't worry, I'd never just end it like that.

Bumblebee2009: I'm glad the theme was applicable to reality :)

TarotCard87: I think I should possibly be scared.

Obsydiandreams: Awww. Thank you.. I love your reviews.

Sayin_girl: that sounds really painful, actually..

Aniay: I'm glad you still like it, despite the Sam-dying part..

Kitty Nekkyo: Hi! Thanks!

Silvermoondemon16: Hi! You'll see what happens.

HPLover747: Hi! I'm glad you liked it. It's okay to be opinionated :) I do appreciate knowing what you thought.

CullenHaleLuvr94: You'll see :)

Girl on the Computer: I'm glad you've liked it :)

Enjoy!

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Bumblebee had died. He was still living, still breathing, still there, but he felt gone inside. Sam had been gone for a mere day, a day that had felt like an eternity and boded miserably for the rest of Bee's life.

Sunstreaker felt absolutely helpless, but he was doing his best. Words didn't seem to mean anything anyways; no matter what he said, nothing was going to bring Sam back to Bee.

Sideswipe should have been here, dammit. He was the only one that had been making any headway at all. Somehow- Sunstreaker hated how intimate Sideswipe was with the subject- he knew just what to say. He'd gone out searching for Ratchet again (Sunstreaker found it odd that Ratchet was completely absent, but Sideswipe seemed to go so far as to suspect something about it), leaving Sunstreaker to cuddle Bee in his lap and say nothing at all. No matter who was there, he knew it wasn't going to truly make Bee feel like he could live again. The only person in the world who could have healed that broken heart was gone and wasn't coming back, and Sunstreaker wished it was any other way.

The other Bots had thought it best to leave Bee to his grief and not interfere, but Sideswipe had known better, and Sunstreaker knew not to doubt him. Without Sam, Bee was falling apart. Sunstreaker was scared Bee would eventually lose himself, because he'd already lost his reason to be. What was worse was that Bee was only ever a human for Sam, and that beaus it was impossible for him to sleep, he didn't have near enough energy to change back to the form that hurt him less.

Sideswipe closed the apartment door behind him quietly, looking in at the pair before him. Sunstreaker heard him immediately, dark eyes flickering to find him, silently asking what to do, an echo of pain on his face he wouldn't talk about. Sideswipe knew what Sunstreaker saw every time he looked at Bee, knew he was envisioning the time after his own deactivation and the heartbreak of his own lover. "If you made it," he'd asked a few hours ago, "Can't he?" And Sideswipe still had no answer for him.

"Hey." He crossed the room, Sunstreaker moving aside to let Sideswipe take his place. "Didn't find Ratchet," he said softly to Sunstreaker, who sighed. Exchanged a look that said no better than when you left, that said, please unbreak his heart, that said, what could I say? and that said, more silently than the rest, I'm sorry you were like this. Sideswipe wanted to kiss him then, but knew how utterly cruel that would be to Bee.

"Weird how he's disappeared." Sunstreaker mumbled, "You okay if I go talk to Optimus? He might know where Ratchet is."

"Yeah." Sideswipe then sank down onto the couch beside Bee, "Hey." He'd never asked Bee if he was okay, as all the other Bots had, he knew how worthless the question would be. Bee turned amber eyes to him, brimmed with tears, still said nothing. Hadn't since Sam- Sideswipe still couldn't bring himself to so much as think the word. He just held his arms out to Bee, and the Bot- human? Bot? Sideswipe doubted even Bee himself knew now- crawled into his lap and held onto him tight. "I know you miss him." His words made Bee's breathing hitch. "And I know it hurts. But he loved you. That's what matters. He loved you, and nothing can take that away from you."

Sunstreaker still hadn't left yet, still stood there, still seeing a day he hadn't been alive for.

"You haven't lost all of yourself. Loving him is an important part of you. And nothing's going to change that."

Sunstreaker knew where the words came from. They were the ones Sideswipe had needed to hear and hadn't. And maybe now they could save Bee in time.

"And no matter what, it's the best thing in the world that you had that time together. He loved you, Bee."

Bee wanted to ask whether it would always feel like he was dying, or whether the pain would eventually numb into a perpetual state, but he couldn't. Words froze on his lips, burned away by the pain that wouldn't let him go. It was worse than when he couldn't talk, when he had so much to say and couldn't. He could now, but had no words left. It was like everything he would ever say was lost to that somewhere he couldn't find, had gone with Sam- gone, his mind whimpered, gone. He couldn't face the real word. Couldn't. Not when he could have prevented it. Not when he could have saved Sam.

He could still hear Sideswipe's voice, and he was endlessly grateful. He couldn't tell him, though, couldn't seem to find the voice he'd just been given back, but somehow, Sideswipe seemed to understand. It was the worst kind of understanding, though, to have experienced the same pain and know what Bee needed to hear only because Sideswipe himself hadn't found the same comfort anywhere so long ago. Bee didn't quite have the presence of mind to think about it- didn't have the presence of mind to think about anything.

His spark- heart, spark, whatever it was that he had left- longed for Sam, like he'd lost his other half. Not like the world had fallen to pieces- it was like the world had simply vanished, leaving him behind, alone, alienated, and so completely alone. He wanted nothing more than to hide, to shy away from his human form and pretend, if only for a little while, that him as a human didn't exist and that he never had been.

It would be a lie.

It would be a sweet, easy lie, if one he could never forgive himself for, let alone manage.

Sleep would have been an escape, but even that was haunted. Every time, every single time, he neared unconsciousness, memories would come back, sometimes like a storm, sometimes like an icy wind through the cracks in a wall, never something he could survive. But every time he forgot, and, trembling in Sideswipe's arms, he drifted off to a shallow sleep that quieted his tears for the time being.

The Decepticons had come without warning. He should have known better, should have expected them, but even if he had, could have stopped the inevitable? They would always be after Sam. Using him to target Sam... it wasn't new. They always knew he was going to be Sam's downfall, his ultimate demise. They never should have been involved, he never should have become Sam's weakness. But he never could resist Sam. He wouldn't take back any of it, but how he wished he could change those last moments. How the Decepticons- he'd never hated anything more, never, nothing except fate itself- they had lit the world on fire, let it burn and take everything away to ash. How he'd been trying, again, to get Sam to safety. How a too-close shot had broken his concentration for a millisecond too long, and he'd overlooked the threat from just outside his line of sight. Sam had seen. He would never know what Sam was thinking, but it was painfully obvious what he was feeling. The shot he took was meant for Bee, not him, not that one shot. But without knowing it- or perhaps they had, and if they had, no cruelty more severe could exist, nowhere as cold, nothing as endless- the one shot had killed them both.

Nightmares would haunt him for what felt like forever. But maybe this time he could sleep. Maybe, if he could live past the nightmares, he would see Sam in his dreams.

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Ratchet was so exhausted, he could barely distinguish one letter from another. His concentration was already spliced by half. Part of him wanted to be with Bee, knew he should be. Should have been there for the Bot he'd raised from a sparkling, who was still in quiet histrionics. Ratchet knew he should be, but he had to do this for Bee. Everything depended on it.

Despite that, when Optimus walked into the study, Ratchet was asleep with the open book as his pillow.

"Don't you think you've been working a little too long?" Optimus's holo's voice had the same tone of deep-set command to it, gentle now, as he came up behind Ratchet to look at the books spread around.

"I don't have much time." Ratchet yawned, sitting up and flipping the page of the book, "I don't know how much I have, but I know it's close to not being enough. I can't waste any of it." Optimus was frowning down at the journal he held.

"Inlay's handwriting was atrocious."

"I know. But that's the best reference I've got." Ratchet sighed. "There's so much he never got around to teaching me. If I'd known all that..." Optimus had heard this frustration countless times before, but Ratchet never failed to be angered by it.

"You've saved a lot of lives already."

"But if I'd known all he knew, it would have been miraculous. Even though-" Ratchet shook his head, pushing aside the one book to take up another, "sometimes I wonder if he did the right thing for Bee. I mean, look at him now..." He flicked through pages, searching, "All I can do now is try and save him again." He pushed aside the second book, reaching for a third, "But I need to know what happened. I would ask Bee, but-"

"He isn't able to talk about it" Optimus finished quietly.

"Yes. Did you see what happened?"

"I did." Optimus handed the journal back to Ratchet. "So many things were happening at once it was a marvel that nothing happened before that. But Soundwave caught them by surprise. He knows that the best way to hurt Sam is through Bee, and fired on him. Sam saw it, even if Bee didn't."

"Sacrificed himself to get Bee out of the way?"

"Yes." Optimus sighed. "It should have worked, but... didn't. Bee tried to save him after he got shot. He tried to turn Sam's heart to a spark but it was too la-"

"He did what?" Ratchet spun around to gape at Optimus, "He did that?!"

"Because he was a human, his spark allowed him to do so. So he tried."

"So... Sam's heart became part Spark?" Ratchet was still in some sort of shocked state, and Optimus couldn't understand why, just nodded yes. "I had no idea Bee had tried that."

"Does that change anything?" Optimus asked. Ratchet didn't answer, flipping through the journal again, back to words he'd once read over and over again during his attempts to unlock the meaning stowed away behind the words. "Does it change the rules of what's going on?"

"I…" Ratchet shook his head, not looking at Optimus, "I think it changes the game."

"This isn't a game."

"Sure it is. What else could it be? You can win, lose-" Ratchet stopped on a page, running his finger along the line, "And cheat."

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"This is terrible..." Lennox was staring down at the typed list in his hand, shaking his head. "Absolutely terrible..." Tanner hated being the messenger of these lists and stood before Lennox, shifting from one foot to the other, wishing he was elsewhere. "How could there be this many? Even one is too many!" Tanner could only nod in silent agreement. He'd attempted to shove this job on Chris, but the woeful green eyes were hard to resist. "No one from the Special Ops team." Lennox mumbled, half to himself, "But twelve from other teams. Seven officials. And- Goddamnit" He hissed suddenly, glaring at the page, "Arcee? Arcee died?" Tanner nodded.

"Because of Soundwave. She killed him, though."

"She would have liked to know that." Lennox ran his finger down the list. "Four civilians." Another soft bout of swearing. "I hate when civilians are involved..."

Tanner noticed when Lennox suddenly drew in a sharp breath, looked up.

"Sam." Lennox breathed, slowly shaking his head no, "God, no, not Sam..."

"What?" Tanner snatched the list back from Lennox, and his eyes widened, "Sam? It can't be, it just- fuck it, he can't have died!" He let Lennox take back the paper, staring down at the floor, "Who else?"

"That's it."

"So..." Tanner exhaled slowly, and not even that bitter fear could keep him from feeling a heartbroken sympathy, "Bee's still here."

"Yes."

"He must be..." No words could describe it, though. Nothing could explain the extent that loss reached, how so much of Bee was now gone. "Fuck. That poor Bot." He started away.

"Where're you going?"

"To talk to Bee" Tanner shrugged a shoulder. "Just... he must be lost without Sam- What?" Lennox was looking at him, thoughtful look on his face.

"You're better man than I took you for."

"Thank you captain. I enjoy proving you wrong."

Tanner was starting to wonder if he was putting his life on the line, going to talk to Bee, but sympathy was stronger than fear, despite how foolish it may have been. He found Bee at engineering, following Sideswipe around and waiting to be put to work.

"Hi." Tanner wished he'd thought about what to say before he was standing there, being studied under that amber-eyed gaze that so belonged to Sam, "I, uh... just heard about what happened." A brief pause. "I know we've had our... uh... differences." Tanner bit his lip, "But I just... just wanted to say I'm sorry about Sam. You must be... really hurting. And that.... it's just not fair to you."

Bee looked at him a moment, mouthing a silent thank you.

"He loved you, Bee."

Bee could have said anything then, any of what he was thinking, I know, or that's what everyone keeps telling me, or what he was always, always thinking, I wish he was here loving me, but his silence said it all for him, and the lack of words itself said so much more.

I died with him.

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Not touching had been agony, but doing so would have caused greater misery to Bee, so Sideswipe had kept his distance from Sunstreaker all day. Sideswipe was staring up at the ceiling of the always-vacant apartment, trying to forget. He didn't want to tell Bee how much pain he was going to be in. Didn't want to tell him how dangerous it was, how there were times he'd feel like he'd lost himself entirely, times when he'd feel like he was dying, times he'd feel already far gone. When the ceiling became invisible in the darkness after half an hour, he turned over so he couldn't see the inescapable darkness. He felt someone climb onto the bed next to him, didn't look over.

"You okay?" A warm hand traced down his back, the touch as familiar as little else was.

"I'm not worried about myself," he mumbled into the pillow. Sunstreaker lay down on his side next to him, one hand continuing to stoke up and down Sideswipe's back.

"I am," he said softly. Sideswipe looked over at him, taking in the concern in those dark eyes, the apology and the regret.

"I guess it's too much like reliving it. He... he really loves Sam. He doesn't even know how much that's going to hurt him later." He turned his face back into the pillow, "it's fucking agony, watching that happen to someone else. And it's all because he loves Sam. If he hated him, it wouldn't hurt that much."

"Love and hate both connect you emotionally to someone."

"But if he didn't love Sam, he wouldn't be so... broken. It's killing him." Sideswipe sighed. "I really, really don't want to think about it."

"Okay." Sunstreaker pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, "Can I distract you?"

"Mmm. Please do." He couldn't help but smile; Sunstreaker had always been so bad at refraining from touch for even a day. "You're insatiable."

"So sorry." He was already stripping off his shirt, tossing it aside, "but look at who I've got. Can you blame me?" Sideswipe started unbuttoning his own shirt, looking up at Sunstreaker.

"Nope. Not at all." The thoughtful tone didn't escape Sunstreaker.

"I wish I could tell you not to think about it, but I guess... it's too much a part of you not to." He moved closer, half on his side, one knee between Sideswipe's legs, "I wish it wasn't."

"Me too. But-" he fought for a breath when Sunstreaker slid a hand below the top of his jeans, yanking them off, "I can't change what happened. And neither can you." Even as he remembered that end of the world, his attention shifted again, searching memories for the last time they'd been in a bed. He hurried to undo Sunstreaker's jeans, none-too-gently, flinging them aside when they were finally off. Backseats, floors, desks, boxes, but... a bed... It had been quite a while, he recalled, and Sunstreaker arched an eyebrow at the smile this merited.

"What?"

"It's- ah-" he gasped aloud when Sunstreaker thrust into him, painful electricity screaming through him, almost in protest, but never without that lust for more, "-it's been a long time since we've been in an actual bed."

"Creativity's what we do best." Another sharp thrust, and there was no way Sideswipe could put together a comprehensive thought anymore. Could only beg for more, faster, more, and Sunstreaker never could resist that desperation.

Making Sideswipe scream had always been something Sunstreaker loved, but, as he collapsed beside Sideswipe afterwards, he had to wonder, as he hadn't in such a long time, if love had anything to do with it. Sideswipe wrapped an arm around him, too exhausted to do much more besides the instinctive need for contact.

"It's not because I love you." His voice broke the silence that had been shattered only by screams for some time.

"What isn't?"

"This. It's... how can it be love? There's no link between sex and love. There's really not." He bit his lip. Sideswipe was running his fingers through Sunstreaker's long red hair, thoughtful look on his face. "It's just... I don't know... fucking... it's... well, yeah. actually, that's all it is. It's purely for how it feels. So where does love meet sex?"

"You always think I've got the answers for this stuff" Sideswipe kissed the tip of his nose, smiling slightly, "but I really don't."

"Maybe I just wish you did." He half shrugged a shoulder, "it'd be easier."

"Well, wanna know what I think anyways?" Sideswipe asked, and he nodded yes. "I think you're right. And that there's really no connection between love and sex, but there is afterwards."

"How so?"

"I'd sleep with just about anyone, but you'd hate that, wouldn't you?" The growling from Sunstreaker confirmed this, "Exactly. I'm just with you because I care about you beyond that. Sex is all instinct, but it's the emotion surrounding it that's gotta do with love. Not during. Before, after, all that." He suddenly grabbed Sunstreaker and cuddled him close, making Sunstreaker moan and purr in delight, "You're the only one I want to wake up to."

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Sideswipe was so Primus-damned tired of not finding Ratchet. The plus side of this was that Ratchet couldn't order him to rest- it was a drag, disobeying orders, made him feel even more exhausted than he wanted to admit to, because, he knew, really, he wasn't nearly recovered from the final battle- but he wasn't really bothered by that. Ratchet was the one who had made sure Bee lived through his last tragedy, when he'd been told he used to be a human, and Sideswipe felt sure that Ratchet could do it again. But the Bot had been missing for the past two days, and it was starting to feel like an insult. Sideswipe had had enough by then, and had decided to go find the Bot. He'd left Sunstreaker with Bee- Bee insisted he was fine, but Sideswipe knew better, knew he needed to be with someone, to keep him from drowning in that all-consuming grief- and gone looking.

The medbay had been his third guess, after the research center and the engineering complex, and one of the human doctors had mentioned that he thought he'd seen Ratchet around a few hours or so ago.

That no one else had was sort of suspicious, and under harsh questioning (Sideswipe dearly longed for the convenient cannons his Bot form had, so useful in situations like this) it turned out that the resident had been accidentally wander ding through a portion of the hospital restricted to lower-level workers- he swore it was only because he'd been lost- and he'd seen Ratchet around there. It was the part of the medbay where only Ratchet and a select few others- the cowering resident not included- were allowed.

So Sideswipe had found the normally-locked swinging doors, at the doorway of the Restricted Access hallway, and had waited there for the better part of an hour. And finally, finally, Ratchet had come.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Sideswipe crossed his arms over his chest, staring down Ratchet, "I don't believe that you've got some job or whatever. You'd never shunt Bee aside like that without a damn good reason."

It crossed Ratchet's mind that he should really send Sideswipe back to bed to rest, but there was no chance he'd stay there.

"I had to. Sunstreaker is with him, isn't he? You've been. He hasn't been alone." Ratchet could hear his own guilt himself- how he hated leaving Bee like that, he knew very well that his own presence would have been important, but, as he kept on convincing himself, this was worth it.

"Yeah. But he's not you."

He was saying, in that artful, skewed way, that only Ratchet had gotten Bee through the earth-shattering before. Not like this, though. Nothing was like this. But he had a better chance than most of the other Bots had at comforting Bee.

"You've been doing fine. And you've always seemed so unsympathetic before."

"It's empathy, and only a sparkless Bot would be able to ignore him." Sideswipe wasn't one to be phased by insults, but Ratchet had thought it was worth a try.

"Well, Sideswipe, if you're going to talk at me, at least let me go. I have work to do." Without waiting for an answer from the surly brunette, Ratchet pushed past him. Sideswipe stalked along after him. The hallway was long, white, absolutely unmarked. All the doors stood closed, likely locked. Sideswipe frowned, watching Ratchet tap the air bubbles out of the syringe.

"What're you doing out here?" He held out an arm to indicate the empty hallway, "What's going on, Ratchet?"

"Don't tell anyone. False hope can be worse than any torture if it doesn't pull through." He turned into a room, leaving the door open for Sideswipe to follow. Sideswipe caught the door before it swung closed, stepping into the room.

He couldn't breathe.

False hope could kill, true.

But all he could grasp was that Bee might live again.

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Hope everyone liked that!

Please do review :)

Love ya,

Sunshine.