So...anyone still reading this? I feel like I'm going to get hit with tomatoes or something. I know - it's been...a while. I admit it, I'm sorry. Here's the story - when I initially wrote this, I was in a really bad place. It was my escape. I got out of that situation and was almost afraid to come back to this story for fear that I would expose myself to all those bad feelings. I'm dealing and I made the decision that I love this story too much to let it go undone. So while I can't promise I will update every day or every week, I can promise that I am going to make an effort to update regularly - whatever that means. Sometimes I will be able to update more than others, but I don't want to abandon this story. I never wanted to abandon it.

With that being said, I have been dabbling under a different pen-name. Lynedele. i have a paily story and a doccubus story going on there if you're interested. So, because it's been so long since I've written ANYTHING really (even Lynedele has been spotty), reviews are great, help me go, help me gain the confidence to write gain.

I love each and every one of you who are still reading this. 3

Without wasting anymore time, I give you the next chapter...

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Emily was right – wow, I really wish I didn't have to think those words. Thing was, she was more often right than she was wrong. So what was she right about this time around? I needed the thermals. Mr. Fields, Emily, and I embarked on a near two-hour long snowball battle, each man for themselves. Emily was brutal. It was absolutely impossible to hold off her dad and her at the same time. So no, not every man for themselves but more accurately Emily and her dad against me. My face was freezing, but I didn't care. I was bound and determined to fight. During one stretch of time, Emily and her dad were battling against each other. I took the opportunity to run around the house, so that I was hidden behind them, pack together several snowballs and wait for the perfect time. It wasn't too long before they noticed I was missing, and when Emily realized I wasn't there I could sense the panic in her voice when she called out my name. It was then that a large, wet, cold snowball landed right in her face. I burst out laughing – nearly doubling over. She screamed at me and began trying to regroup herself, however, I kept hauling snowballs at her – and her dad – perpetually. REVENGE! When Mr. Fields waved his white flag to help Mrs. Fields with dinner, I foot the opportunity to run and tackle Emily – landing us both in the snow. We wrestled for several moments, picking up snow and throwing it at each other, rolling around in the snow trying to show dominance, trying to tickle each other through layers and layers of clothes. Finally, we both gave up partly because we were now REALLY cold and partly because we were laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. It was the first time in a very long time I felt totally at ease. I hadn't laughed like this in the longest time. Part of my brain tried to remind me that this child-like behavior and care-free feeling wasn't going to last forever, but I shut it out as best as I could for the time being.

"Thank you," I whispered into Emily's ear after her mom called for us to come inside and get warmed up.

We stripped down to our thermals in the foyer – her mom prepared to take all of the soaked clothes before we ran upstairs. I kissed her lightly before I went into my room and changed into some warm pajamas. I was thankful for the break in tension because I knew the night was going to be a long one.

Emily knocked lightly before poking her head in. "hey, you coming to eat?" she asked with a smile.

I nodded.

"You okay?"

"Yea, I actually am," I responded.

She moved into the room and sat on the bed beside me.

"Just preparing for the long night, "I explained.

"we don't have to talk if you don't want to, Paige."

"Yes, we do. I need to figure out some sort of plan and even if that plan changes – even if my," I took a deep breath to settle my self before continuing. "Even if my parents come back and say they want me, I need to have something in place because I can't expect that. They haven't talked to me in almost a month. They haven't even tried."

"They may just need more time," Emily empathized.

"Part of me hopes so."

"and the other part?"

I looked down at my hands before looking at her square in the eyes. "Part of me wishes they don't. Even as angry as I've been the past few weeks – dealing with everything, I have never felt more empowered than I do right now. I have never heard 'I love you' or 'I believe in you' or 'you're good enough' as many times in my life as I have in these past few weeks. I mean, I don't want to take over your family and I definitely don't want to stay here for free. I'll get a job, I'll pay rent or something. I'll buy groceries – do whatever I can – save up to move out in the spring… I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go back to my dad telling me what to do every moment of the day. I feel like I'm finally…"

"Free?" she finished my sentence.

I nodded. "yea."

She leaned in and kissed me tenderly. "One step at a time, okay?"

After dinner we all piled into the living room. It was time. Emily and I both told them what Coach had told us after school and I explained everything that I had told Emily earlier on the bed. I felt so very vulnerable opening up. I always prided myself on shutting off my emotions – on shutting myself away from the world – on hiding myself from everyone and everything. But I couldn't hide here. I didn't have to hide here. I didn't have to pretend.

"I want to try to emancipate myself. I can get a job and pay rent or pay rent and save up to move out. I know I can't live here forever. I appreciate everything you have done for me. I want to go to college. I want to swim for a college. I wasn't real sure if its what I wanted or what my dad wanted for the longest time but then Coach came to talk to us today," I explained glancing at Emily beside me. "Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

"Paige, Wayne and I have discussed this in great detail over the past few weeks based on different scenarios that could and would eventually come to pass," Pam began. "Here's what we would like to do, you tell us if this works for you, okay?"

I nodded in understanding as Emily grabbed my hand.

"If you want to work towards emancipation, a good friend of ours is a lawyer and is absolutely willing to take on your case. Now don't worry, we didn't tell him it was for you particularly. I called Justin and told him my sister needed some answers. I didn't want to cause any raised eyebrows until we were sure what we were working with. If you want to get a part time job over the spring that is fine. I know Emily talked about working part time over the spring – that's fine with us. However, we do not want you paying rent or buying groceries or anything like that. We want you to focus on school, focusing on swimming, and focus on your senior year."

"Emily," Wayne spoke up for the first time, "this decision involves you too. If Paige moves in permanently, then we will be making the decision as a family to split our resources between the two of you. When we go visit schools, we'll have to go to lesser-expensive hotels, eat out less, and so forth. So this decision will affect you too. You need to think about what you want as well."

"No, I won't take anything away from Emily – I will figure out something. I will pay for groceries and my own hotels, and give you guys gas if you're willing to drive me or I'll drive me self…" I trailed off.

Emily nudged me to look at her. "Paige, stop. Dad, I already understand this – have for a long time. There's nothing to think about. It's fine."

"No, Emily," I pleaded.

"Paige, listen to me," she grabbed my hands. "This is what I want. I've made my decision." She looked back her her parents.

"Okay," Pam nodded. "Paige?"

"If you are sure?" I asked tentatively.

"Apparently everyone in this house is positive," she responded. "If you want, Paige, I will go with you to talk to Coach McElroy with you. We can sit down with her and explain the situation."

"Coach said that the universities wanted to talk to my parents – I don't know how that is possible right now. Which is one reason I want to emancipate myself but I know that takes some time."

"True, but just because universities want to talk to parents, doesn't mean they have to. It's more a formality than a requirement. If we talk to Coach McElroy about the situation she will be able to help guide us in how to approach the situation. Before coming to Rosewood, she worked for one of the top high schools in Miami, so I'm sure she's experienced something like this or knows someone who has."

"Okay. I would like to talk to her with you. I just don't know exactly what to say," I admitted.

"Well, we have to be honest, but we don't have to give her all the details. She doesn't need to know all the details, but she needs to know enough to help. Are you up for that?"

I thought for a minute but eventually nodded. "Yes. I have nothing to hide anymore," I replied holding Emily's hand a tad tighter.

"Okay then."

"Paige," Wayne spoke up. "We will do everything we can to help you through this. But you have to come to us when you have a problem."

"I know, I just… I guess I'm not used to being able to rely on anyone."

"I'm not your father and I'm not going to try to be your father, but if you need a friend, someone to talk to, someone to help – Pam and I are both here. As far as you staying here permanently – the rules have been put in place and they won't change. In addition, we will expect the same out of you as we do Emily: be honest, work hard, help around the house, come to us if you need us, and above all try to learn to accept yourself."

I could feel the water pooling at my eyes and Emily's grip tightened.

"There is nothing worse in this life than trying to be someone or something you aren't. We have learned that with Emily and I am thankful that we are able to extend that to you," Pam interjected.

"Thank you," my voice cracked through tears.

"Is there anything else you need to get out, sweetheart?"

"I don't think so. I do want to apologize," I swallowed hard, "for being so angry lately. I feel like I haven't been the best house guest…"

"Honey, you have nothing to apologize for. You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be hurt. You're allowed to be sad. Even in your anger you have not once been disrespectful or impolite. You have every right to feel what you feel. Don't apologize for your feelings. And above that, you are not a house guest. This house is every much yours as it is Emily's as it is Wayne's or as it is mine."

I looked down at my lap for a moment and breathe in a deep cleansing breathe before looked back up at the older woman who looked reminded me so much of Emily. "Okay."

She smiled warmly at me. "Okay, so for something a little lighter…" she began, "Paige, are there any traditions you normally have for Christmas that you want to do this year? This will be our first Christmas with the four of us and we want to make sure you are included."

"Um… not, not really. Typically, we would just go over to my aunts or someone's house and I'd read all day," I thought for a moment. "Actually - there's one thing, but I haven't done it since I was a little kid. Christmas eve my mom and I would make hot cocoa the way my grandma would make it before she died and watch all the Christmas classics like Rudolph and Frosty…all those Claymation and animated classics," I smiled. "I almost completely forgot about that."

"Mom – that sounds like fun," Emily exclaimed, speaking up for the first time in nearly an hour. "We have to do that, Paige. We can record them when they come on TV and then just pick a bunch and watch them Christmas Eve!"

"Emily is very enthusiastic about Christmas," Pam pointed out.

"Couldn't tell," I laughed.

The very first day of December Emily had begged her dad to get all the decorations down from the attic and she spent all day decorating the house. She had a huge snowman – Snowy – and two penguins – Pingy and Wingy, a santa in a sleigh with reindeer, about a half a dozen wreaths, thousands of outside and inside Christmas lights, and 8ft Christmas tree that looked like it belonged in a children's mall, and an absurd amount of inside Christmas decorations. Heck, even the kitchen potholders and towels were replaced with Christmas-themed substitutions. And all of this…combined…not even half of it. I couldn't tell if the house looked more like an airport landing strip from all the lights or a replica of the North Pole from the movie The Santa Clause – which we'd already watched about 3-4 times in the past 2 and a half weeks.

Emily made it a point to watch nearly every Christmas movie, Christmas themed show, or Christmas special that was on. I could probably quote the Grinch by now – both the animated and Jim Carrey's version. Oh and Christmas didn't stop there, she had a whole tote of Christmas themed sleep wear, shirts, socks, AND a specialized Santa hat. In short, the girl was a Christmas nut. Even with going through everything I was, I found her enthusiasm refreshing. Slightly absurd, yes, but refreshing nonetheless.

It was getting late and Emily's parents went up to bed after telling us not to stay up too late. Emily turned on the TV and set it on one of her Christmas shows.

"I'm really proud of you," she beamed as she shifted and straddled my lap.

"It's all because of you, Emily," I replied, my hands trailing her outer thighs and hips.

"No, Paige. It's because of you. You are strong. Courageous. What you have done in the past couple of months it took me years to do. You inspire me," she admitted while running her fingers through my hair – pushing back the stray strands.

I smiled weakly, my cheeks blushing. I had no idea what she saw. I usually didn't feel strong, but I was starting to. I had never felt courageous, but I was starting to.

"You want to hear one of my favorite quotes?" she asked.

I nodded.

She trailed her fingers along the side of my face before pressing her lips against mine for a brief moment. "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

"That's from the Princess Diaries," I laughed before tickling her briefly.

"So?" she questioned through her laugh, her eyes wide and bright. "It's true. It's probably the truest statement I've ever heard."

I nodded. "That it is."

I looked into her eyes deeply – this girl. Just this girl. This girl changed everything. She forced me to believe in myself, to believe in love, to believe that I could have everything I wanted and that nothing was out of my reach. I didn't know what I did to deserve her, but I knew one thing – I was never letting go.

"I am so in love with you, Emily Fields."

She leaned into me and kissed me soundly – no hunger or desire or want present, just love, acceptance, and a need to respond with everything she had.

"I am in love with you too, Paige. I only want to be with you."

I smiled before resuming the kiss with a newfound energy.