"Remind me again why I am doing this?" said Lucifer.
After the incident with Famine and the Whore of Babylon (who was horrified when Sam's less than amused boyfriend showed up to stab her) Crowley finally started the production of the fourth Raziel movie.
Which meant that the Winchesters would have to deal with being on set in between the major hunts.
Though the last hunt they went on had them both glad to be dealing with make-believe instead of reality. Finding out that God not only was aware of what was going on but had no intention of getting involved had come as a blow to their moral.
Jade didn't have the heart to tell them just yet that God had been on the set during the last movie. Or that all the angels that lived with her were well aware of where he was and that he was unable to be of any real use. He already pushed the limits of what he could do by making Raziel into a true angel.
"Because the sooner we get this movie done with, the easier it will be to try and get Micheal off his ass," said Gabriel flatly.
To be fair, it was only the first month of shooting and they had already recreated two of the hunts the brothers had dealt with. Even if it only recently happened a week ago.
Jade though Lucifer was doing really well, considering her army of wardrobe and make-up artists nearly pounced on him like they did Dean. She had to go in and rescue him after an hour, because she could sense he was getting increasingly agitated.
Crowley had his own surprise for Jade. One the brothers (and Gabriel) were in on.
Even Chuck was in on this one. Though only Gabriel knew why Chuck was overly amused about the fact that he had to be the one to say the rites.
Crowley had even started dropping hints on the site about what he was planning, and the feedback was through the roof...especially once people saw the one 'playing' Lucifer.
People were already eager to see the new movie since Jade had mentioned Raziel was finally getting a boyfriend.
What Jade didn't know was that Crowley had already filed the paperwork (with Lucifer's permission) to make Lucifer her husband. Because she never followed her fan site during a shoot, she wouldn't know until Crowley sprung it on her.
It was Crowley's way of paying her back for all the business and amusement she brought his way.
Well, that and revenge for a few pranks she had played on him over the years.
Finally Lucifer went out to the park they had closed off for the shoot. One of the things that the fans loved about Jade's Secret Angel series was that most of it wasn't acting, and that they went for realism.
On the plus side, most of the video crew had figured out Jade was magical, or had been let in on the secret after the second movie.
Lucifer waited by the tree while Jade walked backwards, eyes never leaving an overly amused Sam. Nearby Dean and Castiel were playing with the trio of brothers, since Hel was busy and the twins were still keeping Gabriel's ex-wife from finding him.
Sigyn was pissed with Gabriel for some reason. Probably because of something he did before, or for replacing her.
Or, as Jade said flippantly, for having his brother off Odin for him.
Watching Jade dance in the park, Lucifer felt his breath catch. She really was beautiful and so innocent when she danced. Lucifer said his lines, and then left with a pensive look on his face.
A few hours later Jade spoke to Gabriel about the man she saw during one of her moves, and how he seemed so familiar.
"Really Razi? You just happened to see someone familiar?" said Gabriel amused.
"I mean it Gabriel. If I didn't know any better I would swear it was another angel!" said Raziel nervous.
"Please. So long as Micheal believes I have a handle on the recently awakened arch angel he won't come near you. He hates sending angels to Earth, because half the time they prefer it here!" Gabriel laughed.
"I can't imagine why," said Jade sarcastically.
She could vaguely hear Crowley on the outside trying very hard not to laugh and failing.
"So who do you think it was?"
"I said he looked familiar, not that I remember which. My memory was obscured by the humanity, I'm still getting pieces back," said Jade annoyed.
"Think back Raziel. He had to stick in your mind for some reason. And Micheal wouldn't let just anyone near his vessel."
Jade sat down and began to think. She had seen the man at a distance, but he was so familiar and for some reason he refused to leave her mind.
"He was rather cute, but he seemed kind of sad. Like he had been betrayed once before in a big way. And there was something in his eyes that just bothered me," said Jade calmly. It was evident she was trying to think.
"And? Anything that really sprung out on you?"
"He didn't feel like a seraph. In fact, if I had to guess he almost feels like... you."
"Me?"
"He really felt like you, which was probably why I remembered him."
"Well that's odd, because the only other arch angel that would be on Earth right now when the Apocalypse is already underway would be..."
"Would be?"
"Lucifer."
The director called it cut. That was the perfect place to cut out the scene.
"Alright, Luke and Jade, get ready to do the flashback. Loki, take five," said Eric grinning.
Lucifer and Jade went to get something to drink. They were mostly doing small cut scenes from before the first movie, which meant it would require a little digital magic later.
Lucifer was just glad these were small pieces, which could be pumped out a few a day. These were mostly to emphasize that there had been a connection before the betrayal. It also made Lucifer wonder what would have happened if Raziel had actually been around during that time. If he still would have fallen into the cage.
Gabriel was enjoying his hot chocolate while his kids stole the hearts of the crew. They adored the 'little pagans' as Lucifer and Crowley flippantly called them. Sam, once his part was over with, joined the nerds (as Dean liked to call them) while Dean kept half an eye on the kids...with Cas in his cat form around his neck.
By this time, everyone knew Castiel and Cas the cat were the same thing. They didn't know about Dean being able to turn into a cat though.
Jade and Lucifer were able to get most of the minor scenes out of the way, with Gabriel showing up occasionally to be the sounding board for Raziel about her feelings for Lucifer.
By next week, they would be doing the scene where Lucifer finally realizes what 'Eris' was and then having him doing a little stalking to find out she was the same angel who betrayed him.
What Jade didn't know was that the 'fake' marriage near the end before they run into Death was going to be real. Needless to say Gabriel was trying very hard not to crow about that little prank. He had actually gotten Crowley some rather good scotch for pulling that off under his favorite witch's nose. He couldn't wait to see Jade's reaction to the news.
The irony was that the only one unaware that the wedding would be real was Jade. Even Lucifer was peripherally aware of it...mostly because Gabriel had explained it as their Father giving him the blessing to be bonded to Raziel and leave the 'Heavenly' host to join the Earthborn. Gabriel was already on his way to converting into an Earthborn angel, just so he could stay with Sam.
This was the one scene everyone in the crew was waiting for. Yesterday Crowley had tricked Jade into signing the marriage license, and Chuck had been 'ordained' and could legally marry people. Something that those in the know found highly ironic considering who Chuck really was.
If Jade suspected anything, she kept her mouth shut. Though she did wonder why Crowley had brought such an 'official' looking paper to the movie, or why it had vanished shortly after.
Chuck looked rather nervous being on camera, but he kept up appearances. Crowley had been particularly smug when he mentioned to the fans that the 'wedding' in the movie was actually real, but that Jade Night would be unaware of it until after she saw the end credits.
Unsurprisingly it made the fans even more ravenous for the next movie.
"Exactly why did you get a wedding dress in my size? I know we go for realism..." asked Jade in the tent.
Crowley smirked, but kept his eyes diverted from Jade.
"That my little witch, is my big surprise."
"If you even think of doing one of those Carrie deals I promise you will make your life an even worse hell than Dumbledore's is at the moment," she warned.
Crowley shivered. Dumbledore was currently suffer...er, enjoying...his retirement in a nice community. Full of children younger than ten. All of whom came from deeply religious families. Who have at some point been destroyed by magic. And who considered homosexuality a deep and grave sin worthy of death.
And if Jade just happened to bring Gellert Grindlewald to enjoy his former lovers punishment, well, who was going to say no to her?
She had basically turned Dumbledore's life into something close to hell, but there was no chance of salvation. Ever. Gabriel had even gone so far as to slap one of those thrice-cursed collars like the one Zachariah had put on Jade to insure the goat bastard didn't slip through the cracks.
Let it never be said that Jade wasn't thorough in getting her revenge.
"Do I really look that stupid to you?" asked Crowley somewhat offended.
"You're right. You're smart enough not to be within blast range if you were planning to do something as idiotic to your favorite witch. But I still don't see why we're doing all the bells and whistles for an actual wedding for a movie," said Jade.
"Again, it's a surprise."
"At this point, I might as well invite Death in to the movie," snorted Jade.
Crowley choked on his coffee.
"Please tell me you're kidding about that," said Crowley, almost begging.
"I'm sure he'd be just as amused to play himself as Gabriel was," said Jade not listening to him.
"Do you want everyone on set to die?!"
"No, but I thought he might enjoy being seen without people dying off," said Jade rolling her eyes. If he reacted badly to that, she was almost tempted to tell him who Chuck actually was.
Nah, better to wait until after the movie when they could borrow one of the better cameras...and when he was drinking something appropriately hot to spill on his lap from shock. Chuck would probably get a kick out of Crowley's reaction.
Jade chuckled evilly and Crowley, who was one of the few who was well versed in her evil amused noises, backed away slowly. Somehow he had a feeling this would bite him in the ass.
When the wedding march played, Jade walked out. She was really suspicious when she saw her family there, but decided to keep up appearances because of the cameras.
"You look absolutely beautiful Raziel," said Lucifer.
"You don't look half bad yourself. Though I have to admit, this is quit suspicious, having Sirius and the others here," she said, eyes narrowing.
"I'm not spoiling the surprise," chuckled Lucifer.
"Bully," she said teasing.
Jade paid half a mind to Chuck, but she was starting to put things together. Still, it wasn't like this was legit...if it was, they would have an actual priest here.
But the whole thing would niggle at the back of her mind for weeks after.
Finally Lucifer was kissing her and everyone was cheering. She decided to just pretend it really was their wedding because everything was perfect.
And thanks to a distraction Gabriel just happened to throw in heaven, not even Micheal was going to spoil it.
He was doing damage control from yet another one of those strange bombs Gabriel got from an alternate Earth. One where Dean wasn't a total ass and apparently could turn into some Disney creature.
Even the reception was great. Jade actually had a great time, and hoped her real one was this fun. She completely missed the smirks on Gabriel and Crowley's faces.
"This is the final scene of the day people! A few more and we'll send it off to production!" said Eric.
Jade felt relief.
"Jade, who is that?" asked Dean warily.
"That, Dean, is Death. Lucifer found him in Chicago and offered to let him play himself in the movie. Apparently Death found it just as amusing as Gabriel did. Also there was something about my family's cloak, but I didn't get that part," said Jade.
The man looked like a creepy mortician. He also had a ring that looked similar to Famine and War, except it was missing a stone.
Death walked over to Jade.
"Did you bring your father's cloak?" he asked. It sent shivers down Dean's spine.
"Here it is. Though why on Earth would you want it?"
"I agreed to give the brothers items. I said nothing about reclaiming them from their descendant. And Lucifer said that only someone who was once mortal can return the others," said Death flatly.
"Wait, you mean that tripe story about the Deathly Hallows was real?" she said incredulous.
Death nodded.
Jade pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Can you keep your effect on humans to a minimum? I really don't want the cops down on our ass because of random deaths," she said flatly.
"Because my power is currently halved thanks to the fact I gave away the Hallows, that should be doable. So what possessed the current Prophet to turn her back against Heaven?"
"Zachariah was a monumental asshole and his death was far too quick for my tastes," she replied equally flat.
"Ah. He always was a self important jumped up feather brain," said Death before he added "So how does this work?"
"The idiots run into you with me tagging along, and you basically hand over the ring to them. It's up to you whether it's your real one or not," she replied immediately.
"And 'Chuck'?" asked Death, raising an eyebrow.
"He wrote the series, and he found it amusing to join in. If only because Crowley has yet to figure out who he actually is."
Even the Winchesters had figured out Chuck wasn't human, solely because their respective 'Guardian angels' were so amused by the fact he was hiding as a Prophet.
"Hmm. I think I shall stick around until this is over with," said Death. This movie amused him, mostly because the little Earthborn had been daring enough to bring him in to play 'Death' as a joke...and to give her manager a near heart attack the second he realized who he was.
Death hadn't been that amused by a demon in centuries.