Author's Note: My, my, I do have the most impatient readers on earth. Oh, but I love you guys. Sorry it took me so long to update. I was a little pooped after writing so furiously for over a month. I took a little sabatical, but now, here it is: A bright shiny new chapter that makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. I hope you like it too. I'll probably be updating more slowly after this, but here's at least a little piece of fluff to tide you over. And to everyone's relief, I have changed the rating. You're welcome.
James didn't speak to her again as things were slowly resolved. The parents were livid. Ministry officials were baffled and unhelpful. Alastor Moody appointed aurors to bring the families home and set guards to protect them over night. In the midst of everything, Dumbledore herded up the few students who were allowed to return and ushered them to the fireplaces. He had handled everything as best he could, but, for the first time in Lily's memory, he looked old. Worn down. Drained. Oddly enough she felt the same way.
They were brought straight to the hospital wing for Madame Pomfrey's care. James put a restraining hand on her shoulder when she tried to see to the other students. She gave him a weary look. "You're bleeding."
"I'm fine," she murmured dully. "Wesport is crying."
"You and Alice are the only ones who got hurt," he said, urging her insistently toward one of the hospital beds.
Tears pricked her eyes as she glanced up at him. "Givens died."
"Pushing yourself until you collapse won't bring her back," he told her in a hard voice.
"How can you even say that?" she snapped, her voice going up a strident octave.
His expression didn't flicker. "Because it's true. It's not your fault that she died."
"I know!" she practically shouted, drawing the attention of the other students. "I didn't kill her! That bloody, fucking bastard killed her and he's going to kill you too and you're not going to let me lift a finger to help you, you sodding wanker! Because I'm too fucking perfect, aren't I? Too bleeding precious to be touched, yeah? This fucking war can't reach me so long as I keep my head buried in the sand and let you fight! That's how it works, isn't it, James?"
"Lily-" Alice called uncomfortably.
"You are going to die without my help!" she cried, bordering on hysterical as she shoved her finger in his face. His eyes remained stoic and impassive as she railed at him. "Why can't you see that? Why don't you need me as much as I need you?"
Madame Pomfrey cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Perhaps you two should-" Lily slapped her hand across his chest and she frowned sternly. "Now really, Evans-"
"I hate you, James Potter!" she shouted, slapping every inch of him she could reach. "I hate you!"
She was crying so hard she couldn't see him when he bent down to catch her around the thighs. He stood swiftly and turned to Madame Pomfrey. "I think the Head Girl's had some brain trauma. I'll see to her personally, Poppy."
He strode out of the room before the surprised nurse could make any type of coherent objection, but Lily was full of them. Kicking her legs and beating her fists on his back, she shouted everything she could think of at him. It was lucky she couldn't see the other students stopping to stare as they passed by, but James didn't pay them any mind as he walked directly to their apartments. He didn't pause in the common room, but moved straight through to the bathroom. He switched on the shower and dumped her unceremoniously inside.
"Cool your head off, Evans," he said shortly.
She tried to hit him, but he caught her fist deftly. They stood nose to nose, glaring each other down for the barest second before he kissed her. Dropping her hand, he dug his fingers into her hair and crowded her back against the wall. He didn't notice the water falling over them as he forced her mouth open so that he could take possession. She gripped the sleeves of his shirt, still wanting to fight him but somehow unable to move. She could taste the salt of her tears on his lips as they slid roughly over hers.
After a long moment, he pulled back. His expression was wry as he gripped her hair and gingerly knocked her head back against the tile. "Really, how stupid are you, Lily?"
She lifted her eyebrows at him. "Gee, and just when I was considering forgiving you..."
"I mean it," he said in that same soft, teasing tone. "You think I don't need you?"
Tears puddled in her eyes as she nodded. "Of course you don't need me. You're James Potter. You don't need anyone but your mates. I'm just-"
He kissed her again, releasing one hand from her hair to run his fingers down her cheek to her chin, and then on down her throat. She could feel a warm blush starting from the tender contact and hated him for the way he could burn her up without even trying. His finger caught her tie and dragged it loose before he drew back again. "I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?"
"Of course," she panted. Though the water running over them was cold, she felt like she was steaming in her uniform. Luckily he seemed inclined to help her out of it as he reached for the buttons on her cardigan.
"But it's not enough," he surmised, pushing the sweater off her shoulders and moving on to her blouse.
Her eyes were pained as she looked up at him. "You know what I want, James. I want you to accept me. Let me help you. Stop trying to protect me so that I can work with you instead of fighting against you all the time. We could do so much more together-"
"Sirius is an idiot," he said suddenly, keeping his eyes on his fingers as he freed each button. "I'd never ask you to prove yourself to me. I know exactly what you're capable of. Probably better than you do."
Her eyes clouded with confusion. "Then why-?"
"Because I need you, Lily," he admitted harshly as he popped the last button off her blouse instead of undoing it like the rest. His eyes reluctantly moved to her face and she was startled to see his guard down, really down for the first time in her memory. He looked so frightened that she nearly started crying again. Seeing the look, he cupped his hands around her cheeks and leaned his forehead into hers. "I need you so much it scares me. If anything were to happen to you... I just- I don't know what I would do. I'd rather have you hate me and be safe then put you in danger. Even if you were with someone else, so long as I knew you'd be safe-"
"Don't be stupid," she chided him softly, combing her fingers into the hair at the back of his head. "Who could look after me half as well as you?"
He laughed. It was so unexpected that she could only stare at him in confusion. After a moment, he leaned his forehead into hers and smiled. "You're really so sly, Lily."
"Sly?" she repeated blankly. Even without the confusing assertion that smile was doing wicked things to her brain.
"Just when I've made up my mind, you always do something I don't expect," he chuckled, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead. "Then you make one of those cute faces and I can't tell you no anymore."
The way he brushed his lips over hers was so painfully tender that her heart broke just a little. She wanted to ask him what he meant. To press the issue. But she was too fragile right now to be rejected again. The hope that was slowly unfolding in her chest was too delicate. He could crush it with a word and she wasn't sure she could recover this time.
His tugged her blouse off and reached around to unfasten her skirt. Once she was relatively free for his perusal he removed his wand and touched her lightly, taking care to heal each cut, scrape, and bruise until there was nothing left. After that, he reached for his own tie.
"What are you doing?" she whispered, her voice seeming to falter as she tracked each of his movements.
His sweater and shirt came off with one tug and his eyes glinted with irony as he shot her a sideways look, but he didn't smile. He shook his head. "You would follow me anywhere, wouldn't you?"
"Of course," she agreed in confusion.
"Trust me with your very life?" His hands went to his belt as he undid his trousers and let them fall into the rising puddle of clothing.
She nodded without hesitation. "Yes."
Leaning forward, he pressed his palms flat on the tile around her. "Everyone does. Sirius and the others. Even Dumbledore thinks I know what I'm doing. But, Lily, I don't. I'm just making this up as I go along."
"That's okay," she murmured comfortingly, reaching up to trace one of the scar lines on his chest.
He retreated quickly and she got the distinct impression that he would've begun to pace if the shower stall wasn't so small. Running both hands through his hair as though he wanted to pull it out, he shook his head at her. "No, it's not. I'm James fucking Potter. I'm supposed to know what I'm doing. Everyone believes in me and everyone trusts me to get them through. What if I can't? What if I'm not enough?"
"That's why you have friends," she chided him softly.
He went on as though he hadn't heard her. "I bungled things last time and nearly got Sirius killed. Then you show up to rescue my sorry ass. Merlin's beard, I can't do anything right!"
"James-" she called, putting her hand out to touch him.
"And you're trying so hard and you're so cute and determined and ruddy brilliant no matter how much of a bastard I am," he continued obliviously, "but all I can think of is that sooner or later something terrible is going to happen to you and it will be all my fault."
She rapped his forehead sharply with her knuckles and gave him a stern look. "Don't be stupid, James. You're too clever for that. None of this is your fault."
"I'm just a man, Lily," he said softly, his voice pleading with her to accept that.
He looked so desperate that she had to smile. Scanning her eyes over his mostly nude frame, she shook her head at him before moving forward to draw him into a warm hug. "No, you're just a kid mixed up in a war that's too big for you. But that doesn't mean you're useless. You're taking too much on yourself."
"Lily-" he sighed unhappily.
"Let me help you," she insisted. "Trust me. You say you'll do anything for me, so do this. Please, James."
Rather than answer, he kissed her. Desperately. The fingers of one hand dug into her hair while the other cupped the small of her back, urging her against him. She was alarmed by his icy skin. God, he was freezing!
As if he could read her mind, he trailed a line of kisses over her cheek and hugged both arms around her body. His voice was low and needy as he murmured against her ear, "I'm so cold, Lily."
A strong surge of love and protectiveness rolled through her. Kissing him fiercely, she reached back to switch off the taps and offered her body heat willingly. Pressing against him, she rubbed her hands over his arms to his shoulders, then on down his chest to the hard plane of his stomach. Without thinking, she strayed lower.
He was already stiff and she smiled against his lips as she stroked him, touching him with only the tips of her fingers. A low growl rumbled in his chest as he lifted his hand from her back, pinching the clasp of her bra before ripping the garment away. She shivered as his cold hand closed over her bare breast, kneading and pressing until her goosebumps melted.
Keeping her lips fastened against his, she pushed him gently. He edged back just a step, reluctant to loose contact. She continued pressing him until they finally made it to his bedroom. Backing him straight into the bed she sent him sprawling onto the mattress. Crawling over him, she pressed tender kisses into his skin as she murmured a drying spell. It was a relief when he finally began to respond.
Letting out a low rumble of pleasure, he hooked his arm around her waist and flipped her over, pinning her into the cushions as he kissed her passionately. Her body seemed to flare as his fingers flicked over her skin, teasing her breast before smoothing down her stomach. She gasped and arched involuntarily when without hesitation they slipped under the soft fabric of her knickers.
"James-" she panted, clutching his arm in surprise as he rubbed his fingers over her sensitive nub.
"Do you know how I feel when you're like this?" he murmured, bending his head to nip at the peak of her heaving breast. His hands were burning her. When had he gotten so hot?
Her nails tore at the sheets as he slid one long finger inside of her. "Ah!"
"It's better than flying," he whispered harshly, drawing back so that he could meet her eyes.
She didn't know why he bothered since all there was to see was the madness. God, did he know what he did to her? Moaning, she twisted vainly against him. Trying to form coherent thoughts. It was almost impossible when all she felt was need.
"When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything," he breathed earnestly.
Lily smiled as his words penetrated the passionate fog roiling through her mind. Reaching up, she put a hand on his cheek. "That's the way you should always feel."
His hand retreated and she lifted her hips obligingly when he tugged at her knickers. She'd been wanting this for so long, but now her heart fluttered nervously. Biting her lip, she pressed her knees together with her feet planted on either side of him. Catching her nervous look, he grinned. "Scared, Evans?"
She frowned at him disapprovingly. "Why do you insist on calling me that?"
Smirking, he bent to press his lips to her knees. "Have to."
Her cheeks flushed when he gently pried her legs apart to drop electric kisses and licks over the silky skin of her inner thighs, moving slowly down toward her core. "Why?"
He lifted an eyebrow at her and paused. Her body nearly revolted against her for the stupid, pushy question, but when he spoke his voice was like a physical touch, making her skin prickle. "So that no one will guess how much I love you each time I say your name."
She gasped as he bent his head once more, passing his lips over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh and murmuring her name in a way that made her go rigid with pleasure. The wet brush of his tongue over her throbbing core was almost too much for her and she cried out before shoving her fist in her mouth to stifle the moans. He shot her another amused look. "No one can hear us, Lily."
She closed her eyes, feeling unaccountably embarrassed as he continued using his tongue in the most wicked way. The heat was bulding inside her body, making her go crazy. Her entire frame practically shuddered with each playfully stroke and she nearly screamed when his tongue darted inside of her. Clawing her hand into his hair, she tugged impatiently.
"James-" she panted desperately.
She didn't need to look at him to hear the smile in his voice. He didn't move as he solicitously replied, "Yes, Lily?"
"I hate you," she groaned, tugging his hair harder.
In spite of her rebellious anger, he laughed. Her cheeks flushed even hotter as he moved to cover her with his body. At some point he had relieved himself of his boxers, so he pressed teasingly against her as he stung her neck with his kisses. "You see? No one else would say something like that. You really are sly, Lily."
He prodded her and she moaned wholeheartedly. Wrapping his hand in her hair, he kissed her hard. "Look at me."
On their own, her eyes opened. His face was red and tense with the effort of holding himself back, making her smile. Seeing that, he grinned and pushed inside. She cried out in pain, but he held himself still to give her a moment to adjust. Taking a breath, she tried to relax herself around him. Once she did that, she realized it wasn't so bad. It was actually thrilling to be so full of him. She raised her hips experimentally and he groaned.
"That's my girl," he murmured into her ear, somehow managing to give her chills as she thought her body was going to explode.
He rocked against her slowly. Gently. As though he was afraid of hurting her, but she was already long past that. She did everything she could to spur him on: rubbing her bare chest against his and running her hands through his hair in a way she knew he liked. She bit his neck hard and he growled in response, hastening his movements. She gasped, but lifted herself to meet each of his thrusts, the pressure and pleasure building so hot inside of her that she knew she'd just melt at any moment.
His hands raced over her body, toying and teasing. Giving her chills one moment and causing little pricks of delicious pain the next. She moaned and his thrusts became rougher, faster, and more frenzied. Causing her to cry out even louder. All at once, he covered her mouth with his own and she felt him tense before the hot release burst inside of her. Her body contracted in response and she clung to him helplessly as he collapsed on top of her.
They lay still for a moment. Content to hold each other as they got back their breath. Struck by a sudden wave of amusement, Lily smiled into his shoulder, hugging him tightly. After a moment, he tried to pull back to look at her, but she hid her face. "You'd better not be crying, Evans."
Biting her lip, she looked up at him with laughter in her eyes. "About time you put out, Potter."