Chapter 26- Wandering Star

"Crap!" Elliot scrambled for the chain in his backpack, letting it rest at his side, waiting for something to crawl out of the darkness as his eyes adjusted to the dimming light.

CRACK! Something burst into several pieces as Joseph slung some kind of rifle around. "Let's go!"

"When did you get a rifle?"

"Never mind that now, get your armor on. I'll cover you."

People were starting to flood out as animated objects harried them; that two or three people were staying behind and doing something about it did nothing to rally them, though a few got a good look at them before running.

CRACK CRACK CRACK! Elliot hurried with his armor, strapping in the helmet just as Joseph put the gun down. "Need to reload!"

Elliot picked up the chain with both his hands and his mind. "Okay. I'll wait for you. Tell me when you're ready to go."

The sound of a click as Joseph fed in a new power pack. "Okay."

"Heading up. Cover me." With a nod, both of them ran up the escalator to the second floor, picking off the electric guitar at the top, then proceeding to smash a few cups of espresso before being able to reach the next up escalator.

"Are you sure we shouldn't take the elevator?" Joseph asked.

"Yes. Remember Ghostbusters?"

"Ah. Right."

"Ready!" Elliot swiped aside three of the objects guarding the way- Joseph laid down a full auto burst, which blew them apart.

Again, the PA rang out. "Mr. Fullerby, you and your party are required for an urgent conference..."

"How much ammo?"

"Two and a half packs. Seems like about 30 rounds to a pack, so..."

"All right. Know the recharge?"

"Not yet."

"Crap." Elliot nodded. "Have anything else to conserve ammo?"

"Well, there's the grenades..."

He sighed. "Forget it. Come on."

The fourth floor. "How long until the cops arrive?"

"Already here. Calling in SWAT."

"Shit. How long?"

"We have a few minutes, they need to be called up."

"Do we have news coverage?"

"Yeah, but nobody's inside yet. Why are you distracting yourself?"

Elliot took a breath, calmed himself. The clock was ticking, in more ways than one. "Tick tock, Joseph. Time is of the essence."

Joseph paused to look at him. "You sound unhinged."

The most evil grin Elliot could muster started to creep across his face. "Good."

The pendulum of Mr. Links started to swing, not in response to Elliot's arm, but as if it had a life of its own, snapping this way and that like a wild animal on a leash. Joseph took this as an ill omen combined with the grin, which persisted.

What manner of man had become his family?

The chain coiled itself as Elliot took deep, calming breaths, approaching the door marked 'Manager's office'. It looked normal. Stout, white. And with one of those little burnished steel-looking paddle handles.

Elliot rolled his neck for a moment. "Do you want to test it? Or should I?"

Joseph nodded to let Elliot go ahead and test it.

WHAM. Elliot kicked at the door. It held firm. WHAM. The steel started to bend. WHAM. A little more give, in the shape of his new leather shoes.

With a final BOOOM, the door burst off its hinges, falling lifeless to the floor. "Tested. And found wanting."

A slightly slimy sort of voice in the darkness responded, a little hurt, "You know the door was unlocked, right?"

Elliot gave him a glare. This wasn't the glare he had given Skye, or even Joseph. This was not a glare that screwed around. It was a glare that said that he knew full well that that violence was probably unnecessary, but that the person on the end of this glare fully deserved unnecessary violence. This was a glare that people used before they killed something. "No."

"Get in here."

Eyes narrowed, Elliot stepped in, let his eyes adjust to the dim light.

Normal words cannot describe what appeared in front of Elliot, but if you wanted to make a start, you could say that it looked something like an octopus, or a squid. Or maybe something like a crustacean, almost, only there wasn't much shell, and more like hundreds of little bits of sinew; the slime that covered it seemed to also extrude from something that might charitably be called a mouth, but only because food went in and sound of a sort came out. "I hope you're going to pay for that."

Elliot slammed one fist into what felt like solid oak. It cracked. "Where is she." It was not a request.

"I don't have to tell you anything," it replied.

Elliot slammed his other fist through the table. "Where. Is. Skye."

Elliot had not changed his death glare the entire time he had been talking to this thing, completely unabashed, hand still in the hole it had made in an inch of solid oak.

"Okay, now that's pushing things a little too far..." It pulled out a small beam pistol-

And was thrown across the room by Mr. Links before it could open fire, sending the beam wide as Joseph started to pump bolts into it, before pausing and starting to fiddle with his backpack.

Elliot, forced to build himself a shield as the monster opened fire on him, wondered what the hell Joseph was up to that could possibly be so important.

When Joseph shouted "GRENADE!" that concern went immediately under the table, along with the rest of Elliot.

Joseph took cover behind a wall as the grenade went off, only able to watch as the wall opposite him splattered with odd green ichor.

Elliot lifted his eyes to the carnage the grenade caused, absent-mindedly closing the wounds from the fragmentation even as he walked up to the foul thing in front of him. "Last chance. Where. Is. Skye?"

"Too late... Monotoli... You will all... Die..." And with that, life faded from its odd, stalked eyes.

Elliot paused, took a deep breath, and looked at Joseph once again, and became... Utterly confused.

What Joseph had used appeared to be some kind of revolver, writ large, and given a rifle stock. Elliot found he had to ask. "What is that thing?"

Joseph shrugged. "Grenade launcher."

"Where were you hiding it?"

"In the ALICE."

"But... That thing's bigger than the backpack is!"

"Well, that's the thing... You see, space isn't really three dimensional. It's not a cube. It's more like this spacey-wacey sponge of... Stuff-"

"Okay, never mind, I don't want to know anymore. Let's see what we can dig up about Monotoli, see what this is all about."

"What, other than that he has a veep with a personal vested interest in screwing you over?"

"No, no, Pokey's a red herring! If he were the one behind this it would have been 'Minch', not 'Monotoli'. The bastard has too big an ego. Let's get out of here while we talk." Elliot started to stride off, quickly, Mr. Links trailing behind him. He nabbed some newspapers off the stands, absently leaving behind a few spare bills as he did so.

"Hm..." Elliot looked them over, desperately searching for something to add into this puzzle.

And then he came across the local Alternative Rag, the Fourside Star.

It wasn't even the front pages that he searched, but the folded-back copy, discarded carelessly on top of a bench. To the Bars and Nightlife section.

Monotoli? In the nightlife section? Elliot immediately snatched it up, read the relevant section over, then handed it to Joseph. "What do you make of this?"

"Offhand? I'd say we're going to Jackie's."

"But everybody-"

"Don't even start the Casablanca jokes."

"Tch. Fine." Elliot strode down the escalator as the lights started to come on. "Is the loading dock this way?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now here's the plan..."

Out of the receiving dock, Elliot and Joseph walked, hands up.

Elliot was fully expecting them to arrest them. The questioning was relatively brief. Elliot nodded along with the officer in the interrogation room as he lightly tossed a rather thick manila folder onto the table. "Mr. Fullerby? This is your juvenile record."

Elliot rose an eyebrow. "Very nice, what does this have to do with anything?"

"We have reason to believe that you took hostages in the recent incident in the mall."

"Well, that would be interesting. If you had any evidence."

"You do not have a concealed carry permit for the length of chain-"

Elliot cut him off. "I use it to lock up things. Are you saying I need a concealed carry permit to use a chain and a lock?"

"No, but several witnesses have stated you pulled out a chain and started to go... After... The... Animated records and guitars?" He looked at Elliot, who said nothing to relieve his bewilderment except to shrug. "You know what, Mr. Fullerby? You're free to go."

"Thank you, Inspector. Where can I pick up my things?"

The interrogator directed him to it, then shouted at the world in general, "Can I get some drug tests?"

Joseph was already out. "I can't believe that worked. All I got was a warning not to carry military surplus around like that."

Elliot waited until they left to respond, and then while making sure everything was squared away properly, said, "Yeah, sorry to foist off my armor like that, but with my juvie record I can't really be seen with it-"

"You know you can get that expunged, right?"

"Yeah, and I did, which makes this all the more suspicious."

"Aren't you-"

"No, they'd promptly ignore it. Let's go. Directions to Jackie's."

"It'll take some time, I just got my compressor back-"

"Don't screw with me, Joseph!"

"All right, all right, just chill for a little. God." The now-familiar green visor finally dropped over Joseph's eyes. "I'll take point."

"You'll do no such thing."

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm the one that knows where we're going. I'm taking point."

Elliot blinked at this news. "That is an excellent notion. Lead the way."

Around half an hour later, they stood outside a dilapidated building near the gentrified part of town, with a strangely flickering neon sign that proclaimed it as the bar in question.

Of course, compared to a crowd in an alley, it sort of took second place, even in Elliot's current mindset. Muscling several people aside, he finally looked down on the form of... Everdred?

"Sir?" Elliot blinked.

Everdred was in sorry shape. The ankle had apparently healed but...

Elliot moved over to try and heal him.

"Nope. That's not gonna help," Everdred said, slowly.

"What are you-"

"Your special mojo. You're supposed to lay low, dip. Listen. I been trying to track down that statue- the one what Carpainter had."

Elliot leaned closer to make sure Everdred could stay as quiet as possible. "What about it, Dred?"

"It's here, all right, in Fourside. And it's dangerous."

"Do you know of Skye?"

"She'll be all right, Elliot. The statue is key. Go after it first. It is there, inside Jackie's. But please be careful."

"I won't let you down. But what of your injury?"

"It does not matter." Everdred started to stand. "I will be all right. Because I can still do work, I will persevere."

"You need to stay down. Everdred, you might do well, but not in this state!"

Joseph had to wince, he recognized what they did, but did not enjoy.

Everdred nodded. There was nothing to be done. He needed to leave. "It's up to you two. Do not let me down, you hear? It is time for me to leave." With no other words, and shouldering aside the other members of the crowd, he started a long, lonely walk down the road.

"That was too geeky, Elliot- I can't believe you managed that."

"Missed a syllable."

"Dammit! I want a redo!"

"No. Let's get going."

With no further warning, Elliot entered Jackie's. It was as dark on the inside, if not darker, than it was on the outside. Several dejected people sat about, on tables and at the bar itself.

"So what now?" Joseph asked.

Elliot smirked, said nothing, and walked to the bartender. "Hey."

The bartender looked suspicious of them, but let them sit. "What's your deal?"

Elliot cracked his neck. "Here on behalf of The Mister. He wants to make sure the storeroom's clear."

"Always is, isn't it?"

"He's pissed. Someone wrecked the shit of the Mall, shut it down for a day." Elliot shrugged. "So he wants to make sure this place stays nice and clean. You do too, right?"

The bartender looked around, shocked. "O-of course."

"Excellent, we have an understanding. After all, the Mister does so love understanding and peace." Elliot smirked.

"T-this way, sirs."

They were quietly led to a small, unassuming door that opened into-

Blackness. Blackness that, at the same time, seemed edged and tinged with light, so that if you squinted, everything retained precisely its normal shape.

At the same time, all the humans about the place seemed almost normal if it didn't look like all the light in the place came out of some kind of colored filter. The overall effect was similar to one of those psychedelic lightshows played out across the crowd- you could tell, vaguely, where everyone was, but you couldn't imagine what they were doing or how they got there.

Elliot closed his eyes reflexively, but the image didn't change when he did so. He shook his head. "Joseph, are you getting this too?"

Joseph nodded. "I'll keep an eye out."

Elliot looked at what he could only assume was the bartender. "Where are we?"

"Welcome to Moonside."

"Moonside? What the hell?"

"Well, here, 'no' means 'yes'-"

Elliot cut him off right there. "Got it. Okay. Everything's all 'crazy' and 'reversed' right?"

"No."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Well, this is gonna get old quick."

Joseph nodded in assent and left the other denizens at the bar to their own devices.

It would just figure that the first thing to attack them in this ridiculous edgy world would be a clock. A melting one.

Elliot winced, hit it, then watched as it glorped around Mr. Links.

"Okay, that's not going to-" Elliot went flying into the wall of what used to be Jackie's. "Ow..."

A few blasts from Joseph's weaponry proved nearly as useless- the clock just appeared five feet away, no harm done. "Uh, ideas?"

"You're the ideas guy!" Elliot responded. "Figure something out!" Elliot began to concentrate on healing his own wounds.

The clock was starting to turn its face to Elliot, not saying anything, but starting to change into one of those creepy cat clocks. Only now it looked worse, because it had melted.

Another potshot managed to hit the clock. Taking that as a moment of vulnerability, Elliot charged in-

Only to suddenly be staring a steamroller in the face. He rolled out of the way as the clock continued to hover in midair, as if mocking him.

That tore it. Mr. Links went mad, striking from every direction at once in a stream of red-banded fury. The clock cracked and oozed as it exploded with psychic fury.

A nameplate landed next to Joseph. He picked it up. "Says 'Mannheim'."

Elliot blinked. "Whatever. I just want out."

They continued down the road, running into some kind of invisible wall. Elliot ran his hand alongside it, eventually spotting a man remarkably like Skye's father, loud aloha shirt and all. "Hey there! What are you up to?"

The man seemed, for a moment, to stare into Elliot's soul. "Hello... And... Goodbye."

There was a moment of discontinuity-

They were somewhere in Creole Town- or this world's messed up version of Creole Town, anyway. If anything, the colors were louder here.

What seemed to be a circling fire slowly resolved itself into a moving fire hydrant as it approached. This did not bode well.

"It's moving," Elliot noted. "Shoot it."

The crack of the rifle made itself heard over the general insanity of Moonside itself, blowing several holes in the fire hydrant before it could get into anything approaching range.

The spray was immense, but thankfully dispersed enough that it didn't end up hurting them as it started to drain through the streets.

"Great, so now we're wet," Joseph said. "Any other bright ideas, fearless leader?"

"Next time you see a patch of fire, shoot it before it resolves?"

"Good point."

And there, again, was a man in a luau shirt and jean shorts, blonde, barrel-chested. "Hey, are you going to tell us anyhting of substance?"

Again, that moment of staring into Elliot's soul-

Now they were behind the Monotoli Building. Near the wall. Elliot started immediately to head south- surely, the Monotoli building was the center of this entire mess.

This was a sailor of some kind, doughty, wide, impossibly strong-looking. The way to the left of him was a wall too high for even Elliot to jump over; To his right was a cliff not even he could survive.

"Hey there," Elliot said.

"Hello," the man replied.

"Let me through."

"'Yes'," the man shook his head. "I'll only do that if you find my friend."

"Your friend?"

"'No'. You'll know it's him because he's invisible."

"Any other distinguishing features? Besides invisibility?" Joseph asked, cutting into the conversation.

"Well, he has a unibrow. And a gold tooth. Will that be enough to go on?"

Elliot nodded. "'No'. We'll find your invisible man."

"Thanks."

As Elliot and Joseph left him behind, Elliot noted, "Good to find someone relatively sane in this place."

"Only relatively?" Joseph asked.

"Well, he is standing in one spot waiting for his friend."

"Point."

Two guys in Luau shirts were waiting for Elliot. As the second seemed to be behind an invisible wall, Elliot didn't particularly care.

"All right, putz, let's get this over with. Search my soul or whatever."

This one seemed kind of hurt, since he only seemed to mutter briefly, "Hello... And goodbye..."

And then they were inside a room. Someone, who wore gold chains and his hair in a mohawk, was here.

"What is it with this whole trip and Mr. T?" Joseph asked.

"Don't knock Mr. T," Elliot said. "He can throw fools helluva far."

Joseph paused, letting that sink in, before shrugging. "Whatever. Let's just see if we can ask him anything."

Elliot paused. "Wait." He seemed to look around, sniff sniff sniff the air. He turned to a spot where there didn't seem to be anyone. "You there!" he called out.

"Who... Me?" the air responded. "You mean you can actually see me?"

Elliot paused, rolling his eyes, the quote fingers coming up. "'No.'"

"Oh, wow! Not a lot of people can do that!" he paused. "Hey, you think I could stick with you guys a while?"

"'No.'"

"Cool beans!" There was suddenly a presence, undefinable, unnerving and peculiar, just behind Joseph.

Elliot went over to Mr. T. "Hey."

"Hey, foo'. You really want to get out of here?"

"'No.'"

"Then Hello... And goodbye. Foo'."

-And now they were in some kind of hotel room, which they exited to find themselves in some odd semblance of a Bed and Breakfast. Only not, because the people were too formally dressed, and standing next to a guy who was far too punk for Elliot's taste.

"Oniji?" Joseph paused.

"Who's Oniji?"

"My... Connection here in Fourside. And Moonside, apparently."

"Ah. I'm gonna say, knee-jerk reaction, let's not screw around. We've got the pieces. Right?"

The invisible man responded. "Right!"

Joseph positively jumped at the voice. "How did-"

"I could hear his footsteps." Elliot let a pause go by as Joseph's disbelief grew. "And his breathing."

With that, they left the hotel, which turned out to be in the hospital building.

A few soul-searing teleports later, they finally ended up next to the Sailor again, who took a look at the invisible man. "Yeah, he's the one. Thanks!"

"Oh! Hey, Charlie!"

"Wanna go grab some brews?"

"Nah!"

With that, they both went off together.

Joseph paused. "That is perhaps the oddest conversation I have ever seen."

"No it's not," Elliot replied.

"Wait, was that in Moonside terms or in reality terms?"

"Reality."

"Oh." Joseph shook his head. "This is starting to get to me."

"You have no idea."

They started down the switchbacks, eventually coming to the front entrance of the Monotoli building.

Standing there was an old man. He was bent, but not broken, not strong anymore, but by no means weak. If not for his sharp blue suit and fedora, he gave off the image of those sprightly old masters you saw in kung fu movies.

He was knelt at the foot of a great, golden statue, that held a sword in two hands, stuck into the ground.

Elliot focused his attention on the old man. "Hey! Is this what's causing this, geezer?"

"Geezer? Geezer? How dare you!" the old man stood up. "I am- am not Monotoli! You'll pay for those remarks later."

"Buzz off." Elliot strode forward, and Monotoli broke and ran.

Elliot turned his attention to the Statue. He recognized it, vaguely, as the Mani Mani, the idol Carpainter had worshipped. But, more important, was what the Mani Mani statue was of.

It was golden, the PASGT helmet had horns on it, and the mussed, curly hair had been romanticized, but Elliot had no doubt he was staring into his own eyes.

And they were staring back.

"Okay, that's it!" Elliot made a cutoff motion with his hands. "You can kidnap my party. You can put me through the most puerile bullshit I thought I'd outgrown when I was six, but you took my look. Nobody takes my look."

"Uh... James Dean called-" Joseph started.

"Thin ice."

At this point, the statue began to move, its sword rising, moving to a guard stance.

Joseph rolled his eyes, took two steps back, and pulled out the grenade launcher while Elliot pulled out Mr. Links.

THOOMP. SHRAK. The grenade went off in the statue's face-

Which looked just fine, aside from a few grenade fragments stuck in it. The statue raised its sword slightly, firing off a bright flash of light. Joseph didn't cover his eyes in time; his grenades were effectively useless now.

Elliot's sunglasses had saved him, and he still had to cover his eyes. He struck out with Mr. Links-

Only to have the statue slice it neatly in half with the sword.

Elliot caught the weighted half before it hit him in the face. "Dammit!"

The statue finally spoke. "You never stood a chance." Its sword was near Elliot's throat. "Not against me."

The sword's point started to shake, then slowly tear itself apart. Elliot's anger, and pain, and all the crap he'd been through in the past six hours, seemed to make itself known in the tearing apart, shard by shard, piece by piece, of the statue, in every direction.

It ended with the torso splitting nearly in half before Elliot's headache and fatigue caught up with him, forcing him to stop. And the black, outline-edged world of Moonside seemd to slowly fade...

Into a fairly normal-looking storeroom, that also happened to have had the hell shot out of it.

The statue no longer had Elliot's face, and stared blankly, but its mouth still moved, slowly winding down. "You have won the battle, but in your anger, you have lost... T..h..e... warrrr..."

END- Wandering Star