Thanks for the reviews my friends! I know I just updated, but I fixed up this short little chapter for you all, so I hope you enjoy. This is probably going to be the last update for a little while unless I update Sunday or Monday, because school starts for me Tuesday. I have a little schedule planned for updates when school starts; probably 1-3 updates a week. So, ya sorry if there is a delay. Anyway.. Enjoy and review!

26

It's late, 3:00 am. Donatello is still up in his lab, and Michelangelo is on the couch playing video games. Leonardo and Karai dispersed to their bedrooms forever ago, both achingly tired.

I lay on my hammock, staring at my ceiling fan as it spins in smooth circles, creating a soothing sound that calms my mind. Too hot for blankets, I shove them off of me and turn on my side.

I've been laying here for an hour now, but sleep still won't come as easily as it should.

Standing up, I slip my elbow and knee pads and belt back on, the only things I take off when I sleep in nowadays. No one knows about the scar under my mask, as well as the ones on my legs. Taking my wrappings and mask off is risky, and even if everyone knows about my wrists I still don't want them seeing them any more than they have to.

I exit my room, letting my feet guide me through the lair. Surprisingly, I find myself standing outside Donnie's lab.

Slightly trembling, my hand reaches for the knob. I push the doors open and walk in.

The lights are off, the gleam from my brothers computer igniting the darkness with flames of light instead. Don lays with his face on his keyboard, his drool soaking the keys. I smirk.

I bend down to Donnie's level and place my arms under him. I lift him up and turn towards the doors. He squirms a bit in my arms waking up at the sound of the lab doors slamming shut.

"R-Raph put me down! I have to get back to my computer, I have to finish the-"

"No, Donnie, you need to go to bed, it's late, and we have training in the morning." Donatello heaves a sigh. "I know, I know, but you don't understand! This is different I have to complete this now."

I shake my head. "You say that every night." Every single night I have to do this. Well, I don't have to do this, but I think of it as my responsibility to make sure my brothers are all getting their rest; because he'll, do they need it.

"Please just let me go? I promise I won't stay up too late."

I kick open Donnie's door and drop him in his bed. I fold my arms just as Donatello thumps against his mattress. "No, you are going to bed and I am not leaving until you are asleep!"

"Why? Why do you do this every night? Why do you treat me like a child?" Donatello demands angrily.

"Because it's unhealthy for you to stay up so late and then drink nothing but coffee all day long!" I yell back in my defense.

Donnie looks up at my with a fed-up smirk playing on his olive lips. He chuckles and shakes his head slowly. "You sure as shell are one to talk."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're complaining about me doing things that are unhealthy and here you are, taking an overdose of drugs, self harming, and a practical alcoholic! What part of that is healthy?"

I suddenly feel as if I'm falling into a pit of realization and acceptance. Is this true, what my brother says? Do I worry him as much as he worries me?

My legs and hands are shaking uncontrollably, and I collapse under the weight of my world. Was cold, dark, messed up world.

"I'm sorry, if I come across as rude, but you honestly don't know what it's like to watch you go through this...this hell!"

No, Donnie, I don't understand. But you don't have the worst of it, I do. You think it's bad watching me go through it? Trying walking through it, living in it. Cause if ya did, you'd realize that 'hell' is a heaven compared to it all.

I'd like to say that, to let the words roll across my tongue, but I don't. Because I'm too scared, too damn small. With every second that passes, I'm weakening. Words blur into nothing but a distant memory, letters becoming scribbles in my mind.

"I'm...sorry..." I whisper quietly.

On the ground I sit on my knees, staring at my quaking fingers as they lay on the cold cement floor. Demons surround me, freezing the air, sending goosebumps rippling up my body.

Donatello slides off of his bed so he can sit in front of me. "You don't have to be sorry, really. I just wanted to...you need to know that earlier today, when me and Mikey left you with Leo and Karai, we weren't doing it to be mean."

Glazed over in darkness, my eyes lift away from my hands and onto my brother, who stares at me in sympathy.

"You left, you called me a psychopath." My eyes squeeze shut as a pain shoots down my spine. "You've given up on me."

I'm pulled into open arms, which wrap around me. I can't see, though. I'm far too busy running down the dark tunnels of my mind, trying to find even the slightest sliver of light. None. No where. It's all gone from me.

"I haven't given up on you, I never will. I've just given up on watching you suffer. Okay?" I don't respond as for the demons are strangling me, keeping me from speaking. "You're my only blood relative; watching you slowly die is the most painful thing in the world. I love you, Raph, but I hate your depression."

The depression is me, though, it's become a part of me. Growing like vines on a stone church, it's taking over me, consuming me.

"I hate me." I whisper softly into my brothers shoulder. "I wish I was dead, you know that?"

"I do, big brother, and that kills me inside to know that you want that. You're worth more than gold. These demons, they're nothing but distractions, obstacles. Don't die, please don't die."

"I'm trying, Don, I am honestly trying my absolute hardest to hold on to life but I'm hanging on by a single thread and I can't do this. My soul is dead, I'm just waiting for my body to catch up with me."

Donatello pulls away from me and holds onto my biceps instead, staring deeply into my eyes.

I scream internally, pleading for help, for freedom. No one can here me, not truly. They all think this is me, tch, it's the demons. I'm just watching it all crumble.

"I love you, no matter what you do, you will always be my brother. You can always come to me if you need something. I'm sorry if I haven't always been there, but it's just...I find that I'm more useful watching from afar."

"Times are changin', and I could really use you nearer to me, baby brother."

...

Oh, you tell me to hold on

Oh, you tell me to hold on

But innocence is gone

And what was right is wrong

'Cause I'm bleeding out

So if the last thing that I do

Is to bring you down

I'll bleed out for you

So I bare my skin

And I count my sins

And I close my eyes

And I take it in

And I'm bleeding out

I'm bleeding out for you (for you)

...