Ch. 26

"Dean," Bobby's underused voice cracked from across the room, "It's been three months."

Dean looked up from his bottle of whiskey, his eyes had big dark bags under them and his skin was an unnatural pale green color, "And?"

"And, don't you think it's time-" he stopped, "Dean, I know what you're thinking… But this wasn't your fault," he'd said this to Dean over and over since it happened.

Dean's eyes narrowed, "The hell it wasn't. I forced her to stay here against her will, forced her away from safety and back into hunting. She trusted Castiel because of me. And now, she's dead because of me," and he broke, Dean couldn't even say the words without breaking down into sobs. He hadn't felt this weak since Sam had been tossed into the pit with Michael and Lucifer. Now was worse because either Bobby or Sam were standing watch over him, on suicide patrol.

Sam was slowly getting better, the bleed and hemorrhage in his brain had healed, minimal damage. It would take several months of physical therapy before he was back to his old self completely. His hair, they had to shave it all off when he was having his surgeries. Now, it had started growing back everywhere except for the scarred area from the surgery. Sam hated it, he missed his hair, but more than anything he realized that he was lucky to be alive. Sam got out of the hospital a week after Alexis's death, and Dean hadn't told him until he got home. By then he, Bobby, and Cassandra had already give her a hunters funeral.

When Bobby and Dean came home with Alexis's body Cassandra hadn't taken it well. In fact, she hadn't even known that Alexis had gone missing or that Bobby and Dean were hunting her down. No one had told her anything. So when Dean came up the stairs and walked into her room, his eyes hollow and full of sadness Cassandra had assumed that Sam had taken a turn for the worse.

"Cassi," Dean had gently shaken her awake, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah Dean?" she yawned and had him help her sit up, being careful not to rip open her stitches in her leg, "What happened?" she whispered when her eyes took in the sight of the broken Winchester.

"It-uh… There's been an accident," he shook his head, "Not an accident."

Cassandra held his hand, "Dean, what's going on?" her voice caught in her throat.

"Alexis is dead," he could barely get the words out, he wanted to be strong and for none of this to bother him. But it did, it ate at him. He had just gotten his sister back, and because he was a complete idiot and he had trusted Castiel he had lost her.

Cassandra's jaw dropped, "N-no… What? How?"

But Dean couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe, he just lay his head in his hands and sobbed. Cassandra wrapped her arms around him tightly and did the same. It took a long while for Dean to be able to tell her exactly what had happened, but when he was finally calm enough he carried Cassandra down the stairs and outside where bobby had set up the altar.

Cassandra limped over painfully and gently unwrapped Alexis face, she needed to see it to be sure. She let out a loud, choking sob when she saw her best friend's pale, dead face. She would have collapsed if Bobby hadn't rushed to her side and held her up.

"We've gotta start," he hugged his niece tightly, and helped her over to the bench.

Dean looked at Bobby, "I should do it… I'm her brother."

"Dean," he sighed, "Shouldn't we tell Sam?"

"No," Dean shook his head violently, "I already lost one sibling, I can't lose him too. Doctor says stress will make him worse. We'll tell him when he gets out of the hospital," he walked over and soaked her body in the gasoline before lighting the match and setting her ablaze. He visibly flinched as he watched her being engulfed in the flames and after a few minutes he couldn't deal with it anymore and he turned on his heel and walked back inside, drowning himself in alcohol, and passing out.

The day sam got out of the hospital was one of the hardest days, Dean hadn't visited Sam once since Alexis's death, and made Bobby swear not to breathe a word of the news to Sam. Sam knew something was up when Dean quit visiting, but he had no idea that it was something like what it was.

Bobby had brought Sam home and sat him on the couch, getting him comfortable.

"Bobby, where's my brother?"

He sighed, "He's coming. He needs to talk to you."

At that very moment Dean walked down the stairs, "Sam?" he hiccuped drunkenly, "Forgot you were coming home today."

Bobby helped Dean down and into the living room.

"Dean, where have you been? I started getting freaked out when you stopped coming up to the hospital."

Dean looked at Sam, his eyes glassy, "Sorry, didn't think you'd want a murderer coming to see you."

"Dammit Dean, you're not a murderer." Bobby smacked him upside the head.

Sam's eyes went wide, "What? Who died?"

Dean's eyes started to tear up, he couldn't help it, "She didn't just die…" he took a shaky breath and long pull from his bottle, "Alexis… She's dead because of me."

Sam looked at Bobby, "What the hell is he talking about?"

"Castiel lied to us… He needed her for a spell, she died in the process."

"Dean… It's not your fault.. You didn't know, you never would have-" Sam was cut off with the shattering of the bottle being thrown passed his head,

"I didn't ask for you to absolve me of my guilt, I told Cas to bring her here," he barked, coldly and walked out the back door.

Sam's jaw dropped and he couldn't hardly make any words, "Wh-when?"

Bobby sat across from the younger Winchester, "About a week ago."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Dean made me swear not to. He didn't want you stressing and making yourself worse."

Sam took a deep breath, "Did Cas get away?"

Bobby shook his head, "No, Dean killed him."

Sam sighed, "Two people he loves in one day… No wonder he's wrecked… I gotta talk to Cassi."

Bobby nodded, "Okay, she's up in her room."

Sam walked up and knocked on the door, "Hey Cass" he walked right in and sat on the bed, "How's your leg?"

Cassandra looked up from her sob session, "Oh hey Sam," she sighed, "Hurts like a bitch. But I can walk now."

"Tell me about it," he sighed, knowing they weren't really talking about the physical pain.

Cassandra reached over and hugged him, "Dean's never going to forgive himself, is he?"

Sam looked down slowly, "No, not if memory serves. Dean's really good at blaming himself for everything," he chuckled sadly, "It's his favorite thing to do," he frowned.

Cassandra sighed, "Yeah, it really is, "You'll take care of him?"

Sam nodded, "I'll do my best."

"Sam, you need to get some rest. Why don't you go and lay down?"

"Yeah, you're right," he got up and went to lay down.

Cassandra sighed and got up, packing up some things of her own into a bag, and all of Alexis's into another, tossing them out the window so she wouldn't have to carry them down. She had something she needed to take care of.