"When the night has come… and the land is dark… and the moon is the only light we'll see."

Cas jolted awake as the music blasted through his cell door, at the same volume and time it did every morning and night. It was pitch black in his room – though his eyes were open, he could see nothing.

"No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid… just as long as you stand, stand by me…"

Cas could feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he slumped lower against the concrete wall, head buried in his hands. The cold serving of food lay next to him on the ground. He never ate it – the guards didn't seem to understand he was unable to truly savor or digest it – but it smelled absolutely vile and congested every one of his five senses.

"If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall… and the mountains should crumble into the sea…"

Cas blinked again and again, trying to coerce the tears to leave him, but still they persisted, falling down his cheeks one after the other.

"I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear… just as long as you stand, stand by me…"

Cas took a deep, shuddering breath and straightened himself just slightly, so that he could lean his head back against the wall and close his eyes for a moment. It made him remember the time when he had sat there in the car with his head against the window, pretending to be asleep so that Dean would keep singing. He did this often, remembering how certain moments in his time with Dean had felt. Sometimes it cheered him up, sometimes it made him more miserable… but at least it was something.

As the song kept playing, he kept trying to recall each memory, knowing that someday soon, they would fade away and he would be left with nothing. Their first "duet" came to mind, if you could call an impromptu symphony of awkward, gravelly, and uncomfortable voices that. If he opened his eyes, he pretended he could see the shadow of Dean standing in the doorway to his room, sheepishly and sweetly asking if they could be together.

When he closed them again, he recalled how he and Dean had stood there, peaceful as they sang together and leaned into the other's embrace, slowly rocking back and forth in the hall. If he imagined hard enough, he could still live in dizzied days of daydreaming quietly on the roof, watching the clouds with Dean and singing their song. Their voices would join together in a melody that wasn't quite perfect to anyone except them, but it didn't need to be.

He had once thought, "If only life could be a series of remembering such sweet, perfect moments, savoring them in your mind and looking back with vivid fondness." Fondness and melancholy were practically interchangeable, at this rate. As the song ended and then began to loop again, he remembered another moment, a conversation in a dimly lit hallway that ended in a dance to music that was only imagined by the two of them.

"We're going to trust one another, okay?"

"I can't. I'm broken, Cas. No one can love me."

"See Dean, that's not true because I do love you. I'm broken too."

"We're a mess."

"I love you, Dean. We can be broken together."

"Okay, Cas. T-Thank you… for everything. I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier, b-but… I love you too."

From there he remembered more of them, the music lulling him back to sleep through his tears. The words were still fresh in his mind, the raspiness of Dean's voice as he said them still music to his ears. For the rest of the night that he was awake, he tried to bring to mind the different conversations he had with Dean over the last few months, so that maybe, he would never forget them.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay."

"I just wanted to say… I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I love you."

"In a brotherly way, of course."

"No. You-you don't understand. I love you. Like really, really love you."

"You said this, just last month."

"I said it wrong, it didn't… it didn't…"

"We can talk about it in the morning."

"Can we- can we talk about earlier?"

"We already tried that. You see how that turned out?"

"I wouldn't mind it turning out the same way…"

"…what did you say?"

"I said… never mind..."

"Just tell me."

"I said I wouldn't mind it turning out the same way either."

"I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

"Us."

"Us? What about… us?"

"Is there or isn't there?"

"Do you want there to be?"

"I mean… I-we… we can't be doing this THING, where we just randomly make out or dance in the kitchen together or… it just needs to be all or nothing."

"I'd be okay with that. Would you?"

"Yes. I really would."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"There are things… things I want to say to you. Things I want to do with you. I'm not sure there's time anymore. After Kevin… Meg… we are so close to death, every minute of every day. We could die right now, we could die tomorrow. I want to spend a lifetime with you, as long of an eternity as I can manage, but it's impossible. I don't even know where to start, if I could."

"You can start now. Don't waste the time we have together, on this day, in this month, in this year. It may be numbered, but it's no less perfect."

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you, Dean."

It was dark and Cas was crying out to Dean as Logan dragged him along roughly, letting his trenchcoat be stained by the ground beneath them. Cas knew he didn't have much time, and he was trying to say as much as he could in the thirty seconds it would take for him to be taken into one of the trucks.

"It's going to be okay Dean, I promise. I… I… we'll see each other again! Stay out of trouble… please don't hate me for this… it's going to be okay. It will be. Not right now, not in a couple days, or weeks, or months… maybe even years. I will find you. I will find you. I prom-."

The truck door slammed and Logan locked it, pulling once on the handle to make sure it was closed. Cas started beating on the tinted windows with his fists, barely able to make out the shape of Dean still standing there in the near distance. When Logan got into the front seat and the door was open for that fraction of a second, Cas could hear what Dean was saying. It was loud and bold and clear in the night air that was so muddled with doubt and fear. As much as he wanted to, the door was shut and Cas was left alone in the backseat, the realization setting in that he would never be able to say it back. Dean's last words to him still echoed in his mind, and he tried to hold on to them in that moment so that he would never forget.

"I love you."

THE END