Second Skin
Chapter 25 - Resolve
Songs: No Trust by The Black Keys and If You Want Blood (You've Got It) by AC/DC
The next morning...
I've been told off and on by well-meaning people throughout my life thus far what potential I had. Teachers or mentors, my JROTC instructor, coaches for the various sports I played but that never held my interest for more than a season. My own mother expressed the same sentiment frequently. They all for the most part seemed to have positive outlooks for me. Sometimes I wondered if they said the things they did because they knew they were making up in some way for my other misfortunes. I was positive that's why Mom did it.
It was sometime in junior high when I figured out they were talking about my memory, but by then I was too preoccupied with trying to survive around bullies like Benny to spend any time dwelling on it. There was no denying my particular oddity had shaped my life. I may have rarely paid attention in school, but I was a whiz at standardized tests, and I quickly became comfortable enough with the way my overgrown body worked that things like throwing a ball to a target were almost second nature. My brain did all the work and my body followed through by rote. I got pretty good at ignoring the disappointment when people gradually began to realize that I had no interest in using my skill for anything more than doodling in a sketchbook, but I kept up with a lot of those other activities for the sake of my friendship with Emilio. I was grateful for his influence once I'd started basic training and realized how much worse off I would have been otherwise.
By contrast to the relative confidence with which I approached my life, my dreams were often plagued with insecurities. When I slept I was haunted by the fear that I was really the opposite; helpless, clumsy, and weak. I dreamed of being lost and scared and of seeing the people I loved hurt because I was powerless to help. I envied the people who claimed they could fly in their dreams because mine were always depressingly earthbound, and usually overridden with dark, shadowy beasts intent on my destruction and the destruction of everything I loved.
The dreams I started having before my first tour of duty were no different. The helpless feeling was the same, the feeling of failure. The two stark differences in my recent dreams were the crying child and what I could only describe as 'the woman', even though she was really many women; all of them, even.
Early in the morning after my ride through Eglin's airfields I was dreaming of her yet again. It should have been enjoyable, but it never was exactly pleasant. It was too frenzied an experience, with me as only a semi-willing participant, still compelled by the need to find the crying child but trapped in the clutches of an insatiable succubus. The feeling of helplessness was the worst part of the whole thing.
The woman disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to be replaced by a large bomb pinning me down, its heavy weight resting solidly on my bladder. Its bright red timer steadily counted down. I frantically tried to disconnect the wires in time but before I could, the timer hit zero and it went off with a bang, comically filling the air with feathers, the resulting blast leaving my groin aching.
I coughed out a gasp and my eyes flew open. An intense green-eyed gaze stared at me from way too close and I yelped in surprise and jumped back.
"What the fuck, man?" I exclaimed, clutching one of the pillows Z had apparently been beating me with in my sleep.
"Figured that'd get ya movin'. Keep hold of that pillow, though. Jazz doesn't need to see what you were sporting just now. What the fuck would I tell Jess?"
The little girl trotted into the room, red pigtails swinging. She paused long enough to chirp, "Good morning, Uncle Moose!" before heading into the kitchen.
I clutched the overstuffed pillow to my lap and winced. I really needed to piss, as my hard dick could attest to, and cursed myself for drinking a few beers before falling asleep on the sofa the night before. Once Jazz was safely out of sight I made it to the downstairs bathroom and after an irritatingly protracted moment of frustration managed to get it done.
I was headed back out the bathroom door only to smack right into Sadie on her way through the living room.
"Holy fuck, did you forget how to walk last night? Decide you need to graft wheels onto your body instead? Turn yourself into a fucking... motorcyborg or something?" Sadie asked, giving me the evil eye.
"I would if it meant you'd ride me more often," I said with a cocky grin.
"You're an asshole. For a lot of reasons. I'm not talking to you alright?"
Stunned by her tone, I stood staring at her. It was like she'd reverted back to the Sadie I'd known at the beginning of training, before other shit had happened. In a way it was a relief to see that slightly prickly attitude. Maybe it meant she'd finally tell me what the hell was eating her up, but as the day wore on I realized it was the same mask she'd worn for the past year. This was the Sadie that had secretly held back her feelings for me. This wasn't my Sadie.
She appeared tense, but it wasn't the kind of focused tension I was used to seeing in her during a mission or physical training. It was more like a caged animal, which was a feeling I was in touch with. She hadn't been lying, though; she barely said two words to me most of the day until early evening when she found me lurking in the garage again.
"I need a favor," she said.
"Anything you want, sweetness." I tried my best to disarm her, but she was impervious to my charm. She gave me a cautious look, then took a deep breath as though she were about to confess some sin.
"Take Z out later. There's this club by the base my cousins and I used to go to before Keith and I shipped out to boot camp. Take him and go blow off some steam."
"Sure. But this wouldn't happen to be the strip club you were talking about before? Don't you think going to a strip club would have the opposite effect you're hoping for?"
"It's the same place, and trust me, if you talk to the right people it'll be just what you... er... Z needs. Me and Jake and Keith started going there as soon as we snagged believable fake IDs. One of the bouncers, Napoleon, is a buddy of mine, he'll let you in for free if he knows I sent you."
"Sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Why would he do that?" I wasn't jealous, just curious about why this guy might've been so accommodating of her.
She smirked. "I challenged him to an arm wrestling match one night, the stakes being free entry. And guys are so predictable. All I'd have had to do if I lost was show him my tits. I can't even tell you the number of guys I've used that one on. Works every time."
I gazed at her with frank admiration. She was fearless. I had to wonder how much trouble she'd gotten her cousins into growing up, but I couldn't resist the opening she'd given me. My mouth curved up in a sideways smile.
"Alright, I'll do it, but only if you show me your tits."
She rolled her eyes at me and said in a humorless tone, "The hell I'm doing that. After the last couple days, you owe me. Titties you have to earn."
The truth was I wanted more from her than a view of her naked breasts, an image I could summon to my mind at will anyway. Watching her stand there eyeing me defiantly it began to sink in how much more I wanted and how much I'd been missing in only the few days since our perfect little bubble had been invaded.
It wasn't just her warm body beside me at night that I missed; hell, that was the least of it. I missed the competitive banter we had during our PT routine that we'd put on hold for the week since Z had arrived. I missed talking about our plans for kicking ass during EOD training, and I especially missed finally getting her to begin opening up about her dad, bit by bit. If this was what I had to do to get it back, then I'd do it.
"So, who are the right people I should talk to?"
"One of the dancers, Katrina. I'll send her a message, let her know to expect you. She'll handle the rest. Just make sure he gets things out of his system before he comes back."
"Why are you so concerned with his sex life?" I asked, attempting a tone of nonchalance to hide my irritation at the idea that she was leaving me in the cold yet going to such lengths to get my friend a piece of ass.
She stared at the ceiling in impatience.
"If you'd bothered paying attention you'd have noticed how he keeps looking at me like I'm fresh meat. But then I guess you've been just as distracted lately, haven't you? Anyway, last night while you were off on your little joyride he actually tried to take a bite."
That caught my attention.
"What do you mean?" I asked, taking a step toward her. I flexed my fists and heard my knuckles crack.
She shook her head and glanced toward the door to the kitchen where we could hear sounds of Z talking to his daughter.
"You don't want to know. Seriously, Sam, just... let him get it out of his system. That's all. And when Katrina offers, you should probably say yes, too."
Her suggestion left me feeling cold.
"Sadie, you know me better than that."
"Do I?"
The tingling chill crept even deeper when I thought about the night before. I wanted Sadie, true, but was I above giving in to invitations like the one I'd had last night, even as subtle and innocent as it had seemed? But I hadn't given in, so that had to count for something.
Something had to give here, though.
I stepped toward her briskly and took her in my arms. At a loss for any better response, I bent to kiss her, intent on proving my point somehow. Her fist caught me hard in the solar plexus and I grunted and stepped back, startled by her reaction and rubbing my belly where she'd hit me.
She closed her eyes briefly then opened them again after taking a breath, still holding my gaze.
"Sorry, but you really don't get it, do you?"
"I might if you bothered to tell me what the fuck was going on."
"It's you, Sam. That stunt you pulled the other night in bed. And you were gone for hours last night, then didn't even bother to let me know when you got back. Am I so difficult to be around that you need to run away from me?"
"I wasn't running away. Where the fuck did you get that idea?"
"Part of me thinks you're having second thoughts about trying something more serious... and I can deal with that but I really need to know where we stand. I don't want you gone, and if that means undoing this... thing between us and going back to how we were I can deal with that. I just want you in my life, one way or the other."
"And you don't think I want you in my life just as much?"
"It's really hard to tell right now. That's why I want you to go out tonight. I need you to figure out what this means to you. So go... get whatever this shit is out of your system one way or another and then we can talk."
I swallowed and stared at her.
"I mean, unless you can tell me right now. If you've got answers I'd love to hear them," she said.
When I remained silent, she said, "I didn't think so. So just do this. Let Z get his rocks off, and at least think about what you want from me, alright?"
I nodded. I wished to hell that I could've answered her but the way things had been the past few days I really had no clue what she wanted me to say. Everything had been turned upside-down thanks to the presence of one small red-headed girl.
"What about Jazz?" I asked remembering her difficulty being separated from her father for any length of time.
"She and I have an understanding. She'll be fine with me for the evening. Mostly I just need some space from the both of you for awhile and I think it'd do her some good to spend one evening without her dad. I'll probably dust off my old laser tag set and see how she responds. With any luck it'll wear her out within an hour."
For the first time during our conversation she seemed excited. I couldn't grasp the reasons myself, but she and Jazz had become co-conspirators the last couple days so I wasn't surprised.
"Alright. I'll go let Z know."
She must have sensed a hint of hostility in my tone of voice.
"Hey, don't rip his arms off. You know him. Trust me, if you'd been there at the time you would've laughed. He thought he was being all suave but the guy seriously relies on his looks to get laid... he doesn't have a seductive bone in his body."
I grunted in acknowledgement. I'd stow my issues until he and I had a moment alone later to 'talk'.
The thirty-minute taxi ride to the club went by with Z spinning some crazy tale while I sat stewing and destroying one toothpick after another, worried that I'd run out by the end of the evening. His story involved him and Jess on a transport job when some pirates boarded their ship, trying to steal their cargo. When he started describing in detail the sex they'd had in a cramped escape pod I knew how right Sadie had been about him.
The more I listened to his story the more my head began to throb at the thought of him propositioning my girlfriend. I didn't give a flying fuck how dismissive she'd been about his advances when she told me about it, it was the principle.
The taxi dropped us off in the parking lot of the club. After impatiently waiting for the driver to scan my credit chit I followed Z out, my gut still churning. Halfway to the entrance he turned and faced me with a jovial smile, prepared to spout some comment about the club we were headed into.
Something about his irritating smirk and the twinkle in his eyes broke the already flimsy hold I had on my self control.
My fist struck his chin with a solid crunch of knuckles on bone. His head whipped back and he staggered, wide-eyed, his hands coming up to defend himself.
"That's for hitting on Sadie yesterday," I said, my voice loud and harsh-sounding in my own ears. My other fist swung around before he could block it and caught him in the eye.
"And that's for fucking her to begin with, you sonofabitch!"
His ass planted on the pavement a few feet from the doorway to the club where a cautiously amused bouncer, who I guessed must be Napoleon, watched us. Z stared up at me bewildered, then the bastard broke out in laughter.
"That was a helluva punch. Shit, Sammy, you surprise me sometimes."
I just stared at him, my teeth grinding and splintering the delicate wood of my toothpick, my mouth flooding with the taste of licorice, my latest flavor of choice. His reaction only pissed me off more.
"How the fuck did you expect me to react? Did you get amnesia sometime during the past week?"
"Moment of weakness, which I'm sorry for," he said, dabbing at a dribble of blood trickling from his split lip. "You oughta thank me, though. She stood strong in the face of temptation. But in the spirit of brutal honesty, the offer stands. She might not be able to resist me twice."
I hauled him up by the shirt collar and slammed him against the wall of the building a couple feet from where our now thoroughly entertained observer sat.
"Man, are you trying to provoke me? Because it's fucking working," I said through clenched teeth. I spat out the splintered toothpick and bared my teeth at him.
"We can go a round or two if it'd make you feel better," he said in a challenging tone, but his eyes still flashed with humor.
His suggestion made me pause. The truth was, I wanted to. Part of me wanted him to beat the shit out of me every bit as much as I wanted to keep punching him. Kali's contact details were sitting in my omni-tool like a time bomb and I knew it might only take a push to set it off, and I hated myself for that. The fact that Sadie had come to me about Z's misstep and actually tried to do something about it spoke volumes, but I wasn't thrilled with her suggestion that I go the same route as Z to 'blow off steam'. The hell I was going to let the past two days get to me. I was a better man than that.
"You done, mate?" Z asked, eyeing my fists where they were twisted up in his collar.
I shoved him against the wall once more and stepped back, letting go of his shirt. When I turned around I noticed a small audience had gathered, which included several big burly guys in t-shirts with the club's logo emblazoned across them, along with a handful of patrons who had to be Alliance-types judging from their haircuts and attire; all looking at us with expressions of enthusiastic interest in our mini-drama.
"Show's over," Z said, straightening up his clothes. I stood a pace behind him, my fists clenching and unclenching.
"I'm ready for a fucking drink," I said, sticking my last toothpick between my lips.
Napoleon's chest erupted in deep, soft laughter and he shook his head. He was a big guy; my size but a good bit thicker around the middle. His mocha skin glistened with a sheen of sweat in the humid heat of the evening.
"You the two twats little miz Sadie sent over? She said you was big boys, but didn't say as how angry you'd be when you got here. Thought I'd have ta throw you two in the bay to cool you off."
Somehow I believed he could've done it, too. And Sadie had beat this guy at arm wrestling. I couldn't help but feel a warm glow at the visual that provoked.
The other bouncers got the gawking patrons moving. Napoleon continued eyeing me and Z, shaking his head and tut-tutting us.
"She must be doin' somethin' right, she got two soljahs drawin' blood on her account. You tell her ta come by soon. She owes me a rematch." He flexed one big arm displaying a huge bicep that let us know he was mostly muscle under all that extra padding. "Now I can't let ya in, 'less you promise to leave ya differences here at the door."
"I think we've got it under control now," I said, eyeing Z.
He shrugged and pointed a thumb at me.
"This bastard was the one doing all the punching. I'm good if he is."
"Well, in ya go," Napoleon said with a grin, opening the door for us both and ushering us into the club. "And put some ice on dat ugly mug."
The word 'ice' came out sounding like 'ass' and Z and I both snickered.
We were bombarded with stimuli the second we passed through the heavy front doors. Both of us paused just inside, trying to get our bearings.
"Well bugger me," Z said in awe, staring at the smorgasbord of flesh and bare skin of the women undulating on a dozen or so individual stages scattered beneath the moody spotlights of the huge club.
"You've been to a strip club before, haven't you?" I asked.
"Yeah. Been kicked out of a few of the seedier establishments in downtown LA when Jess would let me go out. Most weren't worth the trouble."
I chuckled.
"I know exactly what those are like, and yeah, not worth the trouble. Depressing really."
"This place is goddamn Valhalla compared to them," he said in awe.
A vision of curvaceous flesh in a short slinky dress strolled up to us and informed us that we were blocking the entry, then asked whether we might like a table or if we'd prefer to sit at the bar in front.
A few moments later we were seated at a table not six inches from a raised platform where a pair of dancers were apparently acting out some elaborate love story around the glossy neon pole between them. They were both completely nude aside from their stiletto heels. Their thighs and abs rippled while they danced, their perfect breasts swaying in time to the music.
The atmosphere of the place was equal parts comforting and erotically distracting, with deep, comfortable chairs, warm lights and colors, and music that must have been designed to sink into the erogenous centers of our brains, as if all the naked flesh wasn't enough to do it.
It was definitely working on me. Z, too, judging from his expression staring up at our personal pair of entertainers.
The stiletto-clad ankles of the girls on our personal stage both sported slender cuffs with blinking lights, which were frequently planted within inches of our heads. I admired their dancing for a few minutes after I sat down, then swiped my credit chit across the small bracelets of each girl, giving them both a generous tip and ensuring we'd have a good show for the rest of the night.
We'd entertained ourselves for a time with the variety of different shows on display throughout the club when a pair of drinks mysteriously appeared before us, along with an ice pack, like we had some fairy godmother lurking around the place, seeing to our needs. I glanced around trying to find her.
"Whiskey," Z said after taking a swallow then sitting back with the ice pack held to his bruised eye. "Good stuff, too."
"Did you order these?"
He shook his head.
"Gift from Katrina," the waitress said and gestured across the room.
Z and I both craned our necks around to see a woman leaning against the bar and looking in our direction. She had long, straight dark hair pulled back into a high ponytail that reached halfway down her back. In contrast to most of the female employees in the club she was dressed somewhat modestly, but attractively, in plain dark trousers that hugged her hips, and an extremely low-cut blouse that was strategically draped to show off enough of her ample cleavage that she didn't seem out of place.
The woman sauntered over to us, her hips swaying seductively. Halfway across the room she raised her wrist, the glowing hologram on her omni-tool illuminating her face for a second as she continued walking, skillfully skirting the tables and milling patrons. She had fair skin and dark eyes, her features almost severe but not to the point of being unattractive - quite the contrary - women who looked as powerful as she did were a huge turn-on as far as I was concerned. After responding to a message she tilted her head back up to look at us while she walked.
She slipped into the low lounge chair beside mine, her warmth and sensuality sending all kinds of pleasant sensations through me even from a short distance. I tried my damnedest not to stare at her tits, which were beautiful pale white and looked smooth as silk. Her dark pink nipple was just brushing up against the soft fabric of her blouse where it'd slipped to the side just enough to grant me a perfect view.
"You can't afford me." Her smooth voice hit my ears, startling me out of my contemplation of her tenderer assets.
I tore my gaze away from the captivating sight of her breasts and met her eyes with a cocky smile that was bolstered by my own libido.
"Just appreciating the scenery. The best in the house, to be honest," I said, glancing around at the dancers, then giving her bosom one more lingering look.
She laughed and it was all I could do to not watch her breasts jiggle while she did.
"Which one of you delicious pieces of Alliance property belongs to Sadie?" she asked, eyeing Z up and down and finally leaving me alone for the moment.
Z smiled and took a swallow of his free drink, then jabbed at me with his thumb.
"He's the bastard she snagged. Guess I didn't measure up."
Katrina's perfectly shaped eyebrows arched higher as she studied Z with interest. "So you must be the one she's trying to subdue."
I chuckled, entertained by how she'd twisted the question around.
"Yeah, he's the guy alright," I said.
Katrina tapped at her wrist and mere moments later a pair of girls in strappy dresses began dancing at our table, taking turns focusing their attention on Z and gradually disrobing.
I enjoyed the show while I sipped at my drink. They were both young and beautiful, their shapely forms reminding me of Sadie's compact and perfectly toned body. They danced, taking turns slipping their lithe bodies over his, their bare breasts deliberately brushing over every single inch of exposed skin. I was a little envious of the undivided attention Z was getting from the two of them.
I felt a soft squeeze on my thigh and glanced down at the hand that was gripping it, then back up to see that Katrina had scooted her chair closer to mine.
She met my eyes and murmured conspiratorially, "Want me to send them off with him? He'll have the time of his life."
Sadie's missive echoed in my head. Get him laid. I glanced at Z who was doing his very best at that moment not to accidentally touch the girl who was rubbing her breasts against his inner thighs, even though it was clear he really wanted to.
"Fine, I'll pay for it. Just make sure they do it right."
"Oh, they always do it right," Katrina said.
With a gesture she signaled the girls to lead Z away and he was all too willing to follow.
"What about you?" she asked.
"What about me?"
"You're a little bit tense. I'm sure one of my girls could scratch your itch, too."
"No offense, but I don't want one of your girls."
"One of my boys?"
I smiled and shook my head. "Not my thing."
"I don't normally offer my own services, but I'd make an exception for you," she said in a sultry voice, her hand slipping a little higher up my thigh. Holy shit was she testing me.
Her hand slid even higher and squeezed gently. I let myself enjoy the sensation for a second, taking a slow swallow of my drink. But as nice as her touch was, the jolt of pleasure she'd given me felt completely out of place. I pried her hand off my crotch and tilted close to her, my mouth poised against her ear so she would be sure to hear me over the din of the club's music. The heady aroma of her perfume hit my nostrils and I almost lost my resolve, particularly because the view of her breasts from this angle was even more tantalizing than before. My voice was low and even when I spoke.
"Listen, I know what Sadie probably suggested. I don't completely get it and I'll admit you are probably the most tempting treat I've had dangled in front of me in a very long time. But sweetness, that is the last thing I'm going to do tonight, unless it's with Sadie."
She pulled back from me, her eyes wide with surprise. She seemed shaken for some reason, her pupils dilated and her skin flushed enough that it was visible even in the dim light of the club.
"I see," she said sitting back and crossing her legs. She regarded me for several moments in silence. I ignored her, preferring to watch the collection of shows around the room while I took my time finishing my drink.
When I took the last swallow and the ice clinked in the bottom of my glass, she asked, "Would you like another? On the house."
"Only if you're having one," I said. She looked like she needed one more than I did now. She gestured to a waitress and after just a few minutes two fresh drinks were placed in front of us.
She gazed at me intently and said, "I admit I'm not used to such decisive rejection. I'm a little disappointed, but mostly curious."
"Curious about what? That I actually have a little self control unlike most of the other marks throwing their money around in here? Didn't Sadie mention we were starting EOD training in a week?"
"We didn't talk in detail. She asked for a favor. I said yes. No questions. But judging from her tone when I talked to her earlier and how you just reacted to me, I'd say there's something going on between the two of you. Feel like talking about it?" she asked. "I've been told I'm as good at listening as I am at other things."
"Sadie said you were a dancer. How come you're not dancing?" I asked, gesturing at the undulating bodies nearby.
"I got promoted. It's been awhile since Sadie's been here - things change. I guess she's changed, too. To be honest, I'm surprised she ended up with you. And a little jealous. I always hoped she'd come back to me eventually."
"Back to you? You two were together?"
"Only briefly. She's pretty special, but it seems like you know that. What I'd like to know is why she thought you'd need some attention tonight."
I thought about it for a moment while I sipped my drink. Sadie's suggestion bothered me, and I couldn't quite see her reasoning. If she wanted to be with me, why the hell would she send me out to screw someone else? Especially someone she had a history with. But maybe there was more to it than that. I got the feeling that whatever I said to Katrina would end up making it back to Sadie somehow. It wasn't normally my style, but I could share my feelings as well as the next guy if the stakes were high enough. I only wished it was Sadie sitting there listening to me so we could have it out once and for all.
"Things have been a little strained between us the last few days. It's the first time she's pulled away from me like this in... shit, since we met. I have no clue why she's doing this, but it doesn't feel right to follow through."
"She's pretty lucky she found a guy like you, then," Katrina said.
I shook my head, thinking about the previous evening in particular.
"I don't know about that. She might be better off without me. I just wish I knew what the hell to say to her to fix whatever's wrong."
"Well, don't give up if you want to be with her. She was never one to hide her feelings but maybe it's different with you for some reason. If it doesn't work out, you let me know."
"Why, so you can try to get her back?" I asked, feeling oddly threatened by the gorgeous woman sitting across from me, and not for the reasons I'd felt earlier. She wanted what I had and she had the look of someone used to getting what she wanted. A good punch in the face was enough to put a guy like Z in his place. Hell, I'd probably do the same and worse to any other guy who made moves on Sadie, but I was at a complete loss as to how to deal with this kind of competition. Competition I also really wanted to fuck, as long as I was being honest with myself. It was pretty damn confusing.
"Maybe, or maybe I'd like to try something new for a change," she said, giving me a flirty smile.
I chuckled and sipped my drink. "I'll remember that, but I'm not giving up on her yet."
"Good," she said. "Well, I have some business to attend to. I hope your friend's little adventure proves satisfactory. Enjoy your evening, drinks are on me."
"Thanks, Katrina," I said raising my glass to her. She raised her own glass, then emptied it with a few graceful swallows and stood to walk away.
"Feel better?" I asked when Z returned to his seat half an hour later, a glazed and sated expression on his face.
"Best goddamn thirty minutes of my life. Sadie's a godsend." A waitress was immediately at the table replacing our drinks. Z smiled at her and tipped her with a languid flick of his credit chit, then regarded me with a serious expression. "You don't look like you had the same experience."
"Wasn't interested."
He gawked at me like I'd grown a second head, then glanced around the room.
"Crazy bastard, but I suppose I get it, after all that fuss you made in Brazil, and this goddamn fat lip you gave me earlier. I never got to say it, but it was about damn time the two of you made it official."
"Oh?" I asked. "And how much did you make on that bet?"
Z looked abashed at my question then finally relented with a grin.
"Seeing you two slink out of the crew lounge in the wee hours that morning was a sight. A couple of us wanted to hang out and wait, make you do a proper walk of shame, right? But Hackett had already told me what was up - that her mum had done herself in - so I told everyone else to bugger off. Once we saw you two in the mess later on being all sweet to each other we found a... subtler way to handle payment."
"Thanks for that, man. Sadie was pretty wrecked that night. Things... happened. I wasn't sure about it at first, but I guess it worked out alright." Except after the last couple days I was riddled with uncertainty.
Z grunted. "Didn't have that much riding on the bet myself. Since you're my friends and I knew it was inevitable, seemed like an unfair advantage. You know who was betting the hardest against you? Hackett."
"You're fucking kidding me?" I laughed. "Why am I not surprised. I figured he had the hots for her. I know he never acted on it, though."
"You're a goddamn idiot. Yeah, he had the hots for her and no, he never acted on it, the chief reason being you, ya knucklehead. You didn't even realize how much you were cockblocking every bloke who showed any interest in her. The times I had to explain to them that, no, you two weren't 'officially' an item but they'd run the risk of having their johnsons shoved down their throats if they so much as cast a glance her way."
"That's bullshit and you know it," I said, scowling at him.
"Oh? I've got a shiner says otherwise, or did you already forget? Not that she'd have gone for anyone. She's been giving you moon eyes since that first day. Like I said, it was about goddamn time you got together."
"I just wish she wasn't giving me the cold shoulder now."
"Why d'you think that is?" he asked.
"No idea. She says it's me and acts like she thinks I'm gonna leave her."
"Are you?"
"Hell no. Maybe it crossed my mind for a second the other night while I was out riding, but I got over that. She's pretty much exactly what I always wanted in a girlfriend. Except I'm fucking it all up somehow, and she won't tell me what I'm doing wrong."
The music changed and a new pair of dancers stepped up onto our personal stage. Z admired them for several moments, then leaned over to tip them and gave one girl a wink when she bent down to kiss him on the cheek. I recognized her as one of the girls he'd retreated into a private lounge with earlier.
He leaned back in his chair. "That's Sasha. Talented girl. No gag reflex to speak of, either."
He turned his attention back to me, regarding me critically for a moment. I was a little distracted looking at Sasha and contemplating her reflexes when it occurred to me what Sadie had said earlier about his aptitude at seduction. I'd watched the guy in action so many times I knew he could talk a woman's pants off as easily as Casanova himself. It made me wonder if Sadie was full of shit, or if Z had been deliberately stoking the fire between us. I didn't think Sadie would lie like that, and was probably still in denial that she'd been a victim to begin with. But Z...
Before I could confront him about it, he spoke again.
"So she's afraid you're leaving her. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out after what happened to her pop."
I tore my eyes away from Sasha, who was apparently too busy trying to get Z's attention again to notice me.
"But Sadie's dad didn't leave her. He was home for most of her childhood. They had a great relationship to hear her tell it. He died. There was no blame involved."
"Maybe not, but when you're a kid it's not so cut and dried."
"Are you thinking about Jazz?"
"What? No, Jazz's fine. Sadie's the one who's got the daddy issues here."
The mention of Sadie's dad got my brain churning. She'd had a pretty shocking revelation about the circumstances surrounding his death just a couple weeks ago. And the news had come right on the tail end of her mother's death. Then add to that this new thing with me. Z was right. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.
I cursed to myself, clenching at my cold glass. "I've been such a fucking asshole."
"Now don't be too hard on yourself," Z said.
"You don't understand. I fucked her the night she found out her mother died. Then a few days later come to find out her dad's death wasn't an accident. The man was fucking murdered. All I've managed to do is complicate things for her."
"Murdered. Well doesn't that bugger all." He sat back in his chair, honestly stunned by the idea.
"Yeah. I've got a datapad full of intel her dad gathered just before it happened. Nobody took the fall... investigators called it an accident. The man worked with explosives on a daily basis, so there weren't many questions, at least not the kind that would lead to the killer. Sadie's intent on unravelling the whole thing, though. She wants my help."
"Why wouldn't she? You got that whole netfeed in your brain thing," he said, twirling his fingertips around his head like it was magic.
"That's not how it works. I just remember shit. If I haven't experienced it, it isn't in there. I'm scrambling with this, and it looks like it's way too big for us, but there's nothing Alliance CID will do after the case has been closed for so long with no leads. I want to help her but I have no resources. I don't know where the fuck to start aside from one piddly little contact on the base who probably forgot everything already."
Z sat looking at me steadily for several moments, sipping at his drink and completely ignoring the waves of soft toned flesh dancing around us. I was pleasantly buzzed and chose to distract myself with the view, but I just found myself wishing I was in bed with Sadie. She and I had a connection that I didn't think I'd find with anyone else. How many other female EOD trainees were there? Women who'd beat me at armwrestling, called me "sasquatch" or worse. Derided me for my constant urge for sex one day, then the next morning climbed me like a tree and fucked me standing up in the shower. These strippers were toned and agile, but they still had nothing on Sadie when she decided she needed to climb a pole.
I shook my head and swallowed more cold whiskey, then stared back into my glass watching the ice cubes shimmer and reflect the lights of the bar, wishing just a little bit that I could get her out of my head.
"You're starting to depress me, mate," Z said, sitting forward and leaning his elbows on the table. "Listen, if it'll help, and I think it will, I have a connection who might be able to shed a little light on this whole murder situation."
"Not one of your friends who's gonna want payment I hope. I can't afford it."
"You can't afford her, either, but she's family so she'll do it for free. Once anyway... she's my sister."
"Your sister... I thought you said she ran cargo between the colonies."
"Running cargo's just her cover. Works well mostly because she can pick and choose which goods she hauls based on origin and destination. If it's a place that's got an intel job, all the better. Sometimes she'll do a little smuggling on the side. Whatever pays the bills, right? At any rate, Justine's something of a specialist when it comes to intel. Let me send what you have to her and see what she can make of it."
I eyed Z skeptically, not sure whether to believe him at first, but I sensed his offer was in earnest.
"Why the hell would you do this for us?"
He shrugged. "You're my friends. Sadie's a bloody hero after tonight. I owe her for that at the very least. Plus you two were troopers putting up with me and Jazz for the last few days. I'm not stupid, you had it good until me and my kid showed up and burst your bubble. I remember how my life with Jess was just before Jazz came along. It's tough to get that back. I'll take the blame for at least half your stresses the last few days."
"I won't argue."
"Justine's an opinionated, controlling hellbeast. She'll likely look at your intel then tell you to bugger off, but it'd be a start at least. And if there's anything in what Sadie's dad already dug up that she can use, it'd be worth her while to help tie up the loose ends."
"Sadie's got the data. I'll get it from her when we get back. Can you contact your sister tonight? Where is she?"
"No idea where she is. She usually tools around the outer systems, but I know how to get ahold of her."
I closed my eyes as a wave of relief came over me. "Thanks for this, man. I'm almost sorry I punched you earlier."
"You punched me twice," he said, sticking his split lip out and pointing at his eye that was just starting to show signs of serious bruising in spite of the ice he'd put on it earlier.
"Alright, I'm almost sorry for both of them."
He grinned and nodded. A look of understanding passed between us. I was still pretty sure we'd take a bullet for each other.
The cab ride back to Sadie's house was a repeat of the original journey. Only this time I was making inebriated comments on Z's ludicrous descriptions of how he and his wife ended up stuck in an escape pod hurtling toward the sun.
"You're full of shit, Z. An eezo blast that big would turn you into mutants." I'd heard stories, anyway, even though I wasn't sure if they were strictly true.
"Guess the Alliance found us before we could sprout extra limbs. But not soon enough to salvage Jess's virginity. Found out she was pregnant with Jazz not two weeks after the Alliance dropped us off in LA. Haven't looked back since."
At Sadie's front door I keyed in the code on my omni-tool and the door unlocked. We walked in as stealthily as possible, bumping into each other and breaking out into drunken laughter when we nearly knocked over some piece of furniture in the entryway.
"Shh," Z said when he reached the living room. He pointed at the sofa. I came around quietly and looked down.
"Now that's a sight," Z whispered.
Jazz and Sadie were both conked out together, the vidfeed still buzzing quietly in the background. Sadie was laying on her side with Jazz tucked up against her, the little girl's blue blanket wrapped around her snugly. Both of them were sound asleep.
"She's a beauty when she's asleep, huh?" Z said.
I nodded, gazing at Sadie's relaxed features. She was peaceful right now. No worries in the world, an odd counterpoint to the uncertainty I was feeling at what our next conversation might be like. I just knew it had to happen before I went to sleep tonight.
Z stepped forward and gently extracted his daughter from Sadie's embrace. The little girl barely noticed, but Sadie opened her eyes and sat up abruptly. She relaxed when she saw Z cradle his daughter against his shoulder and head upstairs.
She smiled blearily at me, but there was a hint of apprehension in her expression.
"Hey," she said.
I smiled back at her.
"So," I said, then cleared my throat. "We should probably talk. Wanna go for a ride?" I asked.
She nodded hesitantly.
"Yeah. Let me get my shoes."
I let her drive. Partly because I was a little drunk and partly because it meant I'd have an excuse to wrap my arms around her. She felt really fucking good.
She pulled to a stop a couple minutes later in the parking lot of a more obscure beach access point. We sat there for a moment listening to the slight clicks as the heat of the bike's engine dissipated. She pulled off her helmet and the comm inside beeped softly as it automatically shut off.
I reluctantly pulled my hands away from her waist and dismounted, pulling off my own helmet. She hopped off as agilely as possible considering her size compared to the monster of a bike we'd been riding. I slung the heavy backpack I'd been carrying to one shoulder.
"Where to now?" she asked, avoiding my gaze.
"Just over here," I said, leading her toward one of the lifeguard towers on the beach. We were a mile or so from where we'd spent most of our days with Jazz the past week. I'd found this particular spot during a morning run and noted its unique location in a somewhat secluded cove of the bay.
The beach and tower were deserted when we got there. We had a perfect view of the small cove that was illuminated by the light of the waning moon.
The rhythmic murmur of the waves and the night insects sank into my brain. Regardless of how the evening went, I knew those sounds would forever be associated with thoughts of her. They managed to drown out my worries briefly as we climbed the ladder into the lifeguard tower. Sadie stared around for a second at the top of the ladder, then finally looked at me.
"So, what kinda goodies you got in that thing?"
I dropped the heavy backpack and dug into it, eager to impress her with my careful planning, which I'd done in the half hour taxi-ride back from the club.
"You just watch," I said.
A small lantern came first, which I found a convenient hook for just up above the doorway. Next came the blanket, then the bottle of whiskey. I smiled to myself when I heard her murmur of appreciation at that. Two cups followed, then the small, portable audio unit I'd seen gathering dust in her old bedroom. I tapped at my omni-tool and soft music started playing.
"You're not fucking proposing to me or something," she asked out of the blue.
I hesitated. Holy shit was that what all this looked like?
"Because if you were, it's really bad timing."
"That wasn't the plan, but you'd let me know whether something like this would work in the future, right?"
She smirked and cocked her hip to one side, resting her hand on it. "Yeah something like this might work. So... what'd you do?"
"What do you mean?"
She gestured at the decor still mostly in a pile on the floor in front of me. "All this. If you're not proposing, you're apologizing."
Her third degree was becoming frustrating. "Fucking hell, Sadie. Can't I just do a nice thing?"
"Sure you can, but that's not what this is."
A rough sigh escaped my chest before I could hold it back. "You're right, it isn't. This is me trying to make sure you know how much you mean to me. And to apologize for being such an asshole the last few days."
"Alright. Then start by telling me what happened tonight."
I spread the blanket out on the outer ledge of the tower and gestured for her to sit, then poured us two cups of whiskey and offered her one when she sat next to me.
I took a second, swallowing some whiskey and enjoying the way the warmth of the alcohol reflected her warmth next to me, making my skin tingle.
"I met Katrina. She seemed nice. And pushy. She has great fucking tits, though. Holy shit."
Sadie laughed. "Yeah, they're pretty spectacular. Listen, Katrina called me after you left the club. I already know you didn't... take her up on her offer. I just need you to tell me why."
"About that. I'd really like to know why you suggested it in the first place. Was it some kind of fucked up test?"
"I told you already. Partly, anyway. This whole thing between us... it didn't occur to me how tricky it would be until Z showed up. And when things got rough I was afraid it might've been a mistake, especially with how weird you were acting. I'd rather go back to how things were before than to have these differences drive us apart, and I didn't think we could do that with how wound up you've been."
I stared at the dark sky silently trying to gather my thoughts. Did she even realize that she was the one winding me up? The gradual realization over the last couple weeks of how I felt about her was reaching its peak tonight. She may have considered it a test, or she may have honestly wanted me to blow off steam; like we were still two friends and just couldn't talk over the rise in tension between us.
"Sure, I was frustrated and needed to clear my head, but I'm not Z. I don't need or even want to fuck someone else. And I sure as shit don't want to go back to how things were before. One thing I do know is we're never going to figure it out by avoiding each other."
"You say that now, but where was that resolve last night?"
"I've had time to think since last night, and all I could think about was you. Sophie said something the last time we talked that's been knocking around my head ever since. About caring about someone enough that the first thought in your mind is how lucky you are to have them around. To want nothing else but to keep them close. I was an asshole these last few days, I know. The only thing I really learned is that I hate not being with you. Even after I snagged that other girl's details all I could think was how she reminded me of you."
She grew still. Very carefully she asked, "What other girl?"
"Just some pilot trainee I ran into when I was out riding last night. She asked about the bike and offered to show me a good place to ride on base. That's all." And I still had her goddamn details stored in my omni-tool.
Without a word Sadie hopped off the edge of the platform and was gone down the beach at a steady trot. I jumped off behind her and followed.
"Sadie!" I called after her. "It was a random conversation."
She paused and turned to face me, the words she spat out accompanied by emphatic gestures.
"You were gone for three goddamn hours last night, and you're only just now telling me you almost picked up some girl?"
"What the fuck? You were the one sending me off to go fuck someone else tonight, and now you're pissed because I talked to a girl last night? Have you lost your goddamn mind?"
She turned and kept walking for several steps before she turned back around and spoke again, her voice gradually rising to echo out across the bay.
"Yeah, I think I have lost my mind, and I hate it. You know what's the worst? It's that I know exactly how long you were gone. I'm not that girl that obsesses over the person she's crushing on. I never used to give a shit. Hell, we were friends for over a year. It took some time, but I was eventually fine with things never changing. It's great when it works out but otherwise I'm happy doing my own thing. I like my own thing. The problem with you is that you're my thing. What the hell is that about? You're the part of my life that gets me moving in the morning. And it might just be about the sex or my feelings or some other stupid thing, but even when I try to ignore that and focus on my passions... which is pretty much just EOD. You're right there in the middle of that, too. You, you shithead."
I was overwhelmed by frustration at how what had started out as a productive conversation had escalated. It seemed like we were getting somewhere, then I had to open my big mouth, but I knew I should have been honest with her to begin with. Now I was just getting pissed off because it still felt like she was blaming me for her own feelings. The scariest part was that I understood exactly what she meant.
"Yeah? Well the feeling is mutual," I shot back.
She stared at me for a moment. "What the hell does that mean?"
How the hell did I get her to understand? She was standing there looking so perfectly pissed off but terrified at the same time, and her expression and bearing exactly mirrored how I was feeling. I sighed in exasperation and spoke, my voice much louder and more intense than I intended.
"What do you think it means? It means I fucking love you. I want... hell I don't know, I want whatever happens, but I want it to happen with you."
"You're crazy," she said and turned to continue walking down the beach. I chased her again and grabbed her by one arm, spinning her around to face me.
"Why? Am I crazy because it finally hit me what a great thing we have together? Fuck you, Sadie. Maybe I'm crazy, and I know I've been a dickhead lately but I don't fucking lie. And I don't want to throw it away because you're too scared to lose what we had before. The way we were before? That was the lie."
She was staring up at me, the moonlight catching the silvery sheen of tears falling from her eyes.
"Oh, fuck, Sadie," I said, my voice hoarse when I reached up a hand to swipe at the wetness on her cheek.
It occurred to me abstractly how much different I felt seeing her tears compared to any other girl's, whether it was a crying toddler or a grown woman. Maybe it had to do with the whole experience the first time we'd fucked, but I still acutely remembered the odd feeling I'd had the first time I saw her cry that night so long ago in the hotel bar in Brazil.
Still, I was completely unprepared for the rush of emotions and sensations when I kissed her. She tasted so fucking good, the smoky flavor of the whiskey on her tongue mingling with the salty tang of her tears. She felt even better once she was in my arms, kissing me back with a desperation borne from separation that mirrored my own.
We tumbled down in sand that was still damp and packed from the recent retreat of the tide. She was on fire, straddling my hips and ripping at my shirt, which disappeared quickly. I managed to get one of her shoes off and she extracted one leg from her pants, which seemed to be enough for her. Her shirt flew off and I wasted no time taking each pert breast in my mouth while she writhed in my lap, moaning softly in response to the attention. The heat of her penetrated through my pants, driving me mad with need, an exponentially greater desire than I'd felt watching naked strangers dance around me earlier.
I slipped one hand between us, needing to feel how hot she was, but her hands got in the way, tugging at my belt and unfastening my jeans. The sweet caress of her hand on my hard dick made me groan, heat rising through my body when her touch became more urgent, stroking and squeezing while she kissed me.
She let out a low groan against my mouth when she lifted her hips up and my dick slipped inside her. She began riding me harder than I'd ever been ridden, her fingertips digging into my shoulders for leverage. I slid my hands up her thighs to grip her ass, enjoying the feel of her strong muscles flexing with the effort of fucking me.
"Say it again," she said breathlessly between soft grunts of exertion. I was in the midst of enjoying how nicely her ass fit in the palms of my hands and trailing my lips up her neck at the same time, but I wasn't too far gone to know what she wanted to hear.
"I love you," I murmured into her ear. The syllables themselves left my head buzzing with how right they felt and how right every inch of her soft skin felt sliding against mine.
Her legs tightened around me and a second later all her muscles went rigid as she came, her harsh cries carrying out over the water. She slowed for a moment, gasping for air, then sped up again. Her tongue was in my mouth, the erratic movements of her hips becoming rhythmic once more as she focused intently on what had to be the most exquisite combination of sensations, the way her slick muscles gripped my dick, urging me to completion. I came hard a few seconds later, wrapping my arms around her completely and pulling her tight against me while the throbbing pulse gradually subsided.
"I love you, too," she said with a sigh against my ear while we sat there in the damp sand still embracing each other a little desperately like our bubble had grown so small we were afraid to let go for fear of popping it again.
We managed to stand and find our discarded clothing after gathering our courage a moment later, then stumbled back to the lifeguard tower.
When we were laying naked on the blanket after our second, less rushed round of lovemaking, sipping the whiskey straight out of the bottle, I finally remembered Z's offer and filled her in.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?" she asked, looking pissed.
"I was a little preoccupied with other things," I said, drifting my hand over her smooth backside where she lay belly-down on the blanket beside me. My eyes followed my hand, admiring her toned curves, the dim lantern casting stark shadows across her body.
When I looked back at her face she was glaring at me.
I scoffed at her. "What? I'm not fucking apologizing. If I'd told you earlier that's all you would have been thinking about. This really couldn't wait. Wake him up when we get home. I don't care. He'll call her. He owes us."
"You're right, he does. But maybe we owe him a little bit, too," she said with a little shrug.
I knew what she was thinking. Most likely that if he hadn't been here, turning our lives practically upside-down with him and his daughter's presence, we may never have had what was ultimately an eye-opening experience. But I preferred to believe we'd have come to the same conclusions on our own eventually.
We stared at each other for a moment, then both said in unison, "Nah."