Full credit to the original song writers and performers for the songs used! Light smut, just a head's up! Shout out to;
Tesla424-I loved that episode too! Dean could totally be a dog :P
Bree-Yay! I know, my teasing is just..argh. But hold strong, every chapter is a step closer to the real thing :)
What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20
Derek's p.o.v
"It'll be fine, I can go alone" I tell Ash over the phone.
"Fine" she sighs. "Don't be an idiot and don't get yourself killed" she warns me.
"Yes Mum" I tease.
"Call me later?"
"Course. Do something normal..sleep or eat or..I don't know what girls usually do"
"I'm sure i'll find something to do" she chuckles.
"Okay, bye Ash"
"Bye Der" I hang up as I pull up outside the abandoned warehouse. I carefully make my way inside. It's quiet..too quiet. I'm thrown againist a wall. I spin and find a man. He holds me againist the wall, bringing his hand up.
"Djinn" I realise. The heavily tattooed skin. The blue eyes, blue energy around it's hands. I try to fight but it lays it's hand on my head.
..
I jolt up in bed. Was that a dream? I look around..wait. Where am I? Something stirs beside me. Oh my god.
"Derek?" my eyes widen at the girl in the bed with me. "What's wrong?" Ash asks, sitting up. Oh. She's naked. Wow..okay. Naked. Uh..just..wow.
"Uh.." I jump out of the bed, in only boxers. "I..did we..?" what the hell's going on?
"Did we what?" she asks, looking at me in confusion.
"I'm going to get some air" I say, backing up.
"Do what you have too" she yawns, laying back down. "But hurry, i'm cold" well..that's what being naked will do to a person. I find my shirt and pants on the floor, pulling them on. I close the room door behind me. Okay, what the actual hell? Sure, we share a bed sometimes but never like that. What happened yesturday? I see mail on the table. I walk through the unknown apartment and start looking at the envelopes.
"Lawerance?" I ask myself. It says Lawerance Kansas on our mail. I look at the photos in frames on the shelf. They're of me and Ash. We look happy..we look like a couple. Okay. Seriously. What's going on? I pick up another frame, looking down at it. I drop it the second I see who's in the picture. I run out the door, get in the camaro and drive to a familiar house.
..
"Derek?" Mary Winchester answers the door. My eyes widen. Ashlee's mother..she's alive? "Are you okay?"
"I.."
"Ash just called, she said you ran out" Mary says, sounding worried.
"Yeah..I just..I wanted to see you and John" I say.
"Derek..the stroke" Mary says, eyes narrowing. She looks more worried than before.
"Oh. Yes..i'm sorry" I say. Ashlee's mother is still alive but her father isn't. That couldn't mean.. "Have you.." I clear my throat. "Have you talked to-to Mum lately?" I ask her.
"Just yesturday" Mary tells me. I feel my heart start to beat rapidly. "She'll be here tomorrow"
"Tomorrow? Mum's coming here? Tomorrow?" I ask in shock.
"Your whole family is, Ashlee's brothers as well" she tells me. "Derek..are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm perfect" I say, smiling properly at her.
"I'm going to call Ash to come get you, okay?"
"Okay" I nod. She gets up and I catch her arm. "Thank you"
..
Okay, this is completely messed up and wrong but..i'm happy. We're all out at dinner. Me, Ash, Mary, Sam, Dean, Jess, Carmen, Mum, Dad, Cora, Laura and Peter. Something's wrong, I know it, but i'm not giving up this moment for anything. We all say goodnight to Mary, it was her birthday. I've never seen Ash so happy. She's laughing and kissing her Mum goodbye. It's like nothing was ever wrong. And the camaro, there's no hunting equipment in it. We're not hunters, noone's brought it up. Things are very, very wrong, very different. But this..being here with my family, with the Winchesters, seeing Ash so happy with her Mum and brothers she hardly ever gets to see as they're hunters too..well not in this 'world', i'm not doing anything to stop this anytime soon.
"Hey, keep looking out for her" Dean says, clapping me on the shoulder and nodding to his little sister. I pull her closer to me.
"I will" I assure him. The two brothers leave with their girlfriends. If real life Dean and Sam knew I was dating Ash, which i'm not in the real world, but if they even knew I had thought about it, which I have, I would not be standing on two legs. Certainly not a third leg..
"It was so good to see you Derek" Mum says, hugging me.
"I love you so much" I tell her, hugging her tightly. She pulls back, a little confused but smiles anyway.
"I love you too Der" she says, holding my cheek. One by one, I say goodbye to my family. In the 'real' world, noone but Cora still lives. Peter's somewhere but we don't talk. This is so hard to do but so hard to not do. I know I should find a way to put things back to normal but..I can't make myself do it. My family's happy, they're alive for christ's sake! Ashlee's Mum is alive, her brothers are actually here. And she's happy. Ash is happy. For the first time in a long time, we're both back with our families..we're both happy. And we're together. Happily together.
..
I look up and Ash hands me a beer. I take it with a smile. She plops down beside me, leaning againist my shoulder. I cautiously bring an arm around her, pulling her closer. And this..me doing this, acting like I am really her boyfriend, this is wrong too. But it feels too right to stop myself from doing it. She turns to me and much to my suprise, kisses me. Right on the lips. When I don't kiss her back, she pulls back.
"Are you okay?" she asks. I look into her eyes.
"I'm perfect" I grin, pulling her back to my lips and kissing her like i've always wanted too.
"I don't know what's gotten into you but I like it" she grins againist my lips before kissing me again. Both of us bring in tounge. She pulls me over her and grins up at me. Her hands come to the hem of my shirt and I let her pull it off over my head. Hands start to move, feeling and groping and I should really stop this. I really should. So why haven't I? Maybe it's because her skin feels amazing under my hands, smooth, soft. Maybe it's because her hands are running along my torso and down the front of my jeans and that feels really good as well. Maybe it's because she's moaning and I never thought i'd be the one to make her do that. Her robe's open and she doesn't have anything on underneth but lace underwear. My mouth is practically glued to her exposed bust. With every nibble, lick and suck, she lets out a noise that drives me crazy. No, I should stop this. This isn't fair. If she found out I was doing this to her in this world, she wouldn't be happy. At all. I'm not like James. I'm not taking advantage of her like this. As soon as her hands move inside my boxers to make contact with flesh, I pull away from her. "Derek?"
"No..stop" I say, standing up.
"I'm sorry" she says, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Derek, what's wrong?"
"You're not real, this isn't real" I say.
"Derek-"
"No!" I raise my voice. "This isn't real" I say. I squeeze my eyes shut. I need to wake the hell up. This isn't real. This reality will never be.
"Derek" I hear my Mum call out. I open my eyes. I'm in the same abandoned warehouse as I was attacked in, my family, Ashlee's family, they're all here, all surrounding me. There's only one way I can wake up. I pull out a knife, bringing it to my heart. If you die in a dream, you wake up..i'm certain. 90% sure..pretty sure. "Put the knife down baby" Mum says softly.
"You're not real. You..you're dead" I say sadly.
"Derek, my boy. Stay here, with us. Put the knife down son" Dad says.
"I..I can't do that. I can't leave Ashlee on her own" I say.
"I won't be on my own" she says, walking to stand in front of me. She brings a hand to my cheek, smiling up at me. I don't meet her eyes. "You can stay here with me. With all of us. We can be happy"
"No..this isn't right" I say.
"I love you Derek" Ash says.
"No you don't, not really"
"But here, I do. Here, we can start a family" she says, caressing my cheek. Start a..family? I barely have any family left..but here, here they all are. Here, Ash wants to make it bigger, she wants to start a family..with me.
"No" I say, stepping away so her hand falls away from me. No, she told me she never wants kids. No, she doesn't love me. No, this is wrong.
"You said you'd look after her" Dean says. I shake my head.
"I will, when I get back to her" I say, bringing the knife up again.
"You'll never have this" Ash says. I look back over at her. "Me and you, it will never happen, not out there. Everyday, when you wake up next to her, when you see her cry or get angry and you want so badly to tell her you'll always be her shoulder to cry on..but you'll never tell her how you really feel. You'll never admit it to her. You'll never tell her you're in love with her, you'll never tell her that you've always been in love with her. You'll watch as she meets other men, as she sleeps with people like James and she finds guys who can give her something close to what she really wants. You"
"Shut up" I ground out. This is definitely not Ashlee.
"And up there, she'll never tell you how she feels either" 'Ash' says. I look at her properly now. "Now i've got your attention" she smirks. "She feels the same way about you, she always has. She's too scared to tell you though. It's always been you. Always. No amount of sex or promises from other people could ever take her mind off of you"
"Don't" I warn her.
"She's just as in love with you as you are with her. In fact, I don't even think you two realise that you're in love with each other yet. Because that's what it is, it is love. It's not simple, 'I care about you' feelings. She's better at hiding them too" Ash smiles. I know I care about Ash ut..love? I don't know if..I don't know. "She's better at pretending she doesn't care when other girls look at you. But then again, you never make a move on those girls, I wonder why? Maybe it's because a part of you is hoping that she'll be the one you roll around the sheets with. How am I doing so far?" she grins. I glare at her. How the hell does she know all this?
"Come on baby brother, stay with us, stay with me" Laura says. It hurts to look at her, to look at any of them. I want so badly to stay. To have something real with Ash, to give up hunting and have my families back. But..I can't.
"I love you all" I sigh sadly. "I'm sorry" before any of them can stop me, I pierce the knife into myself.
..
Ashlee's p.o.v
"Derek!" I yell, shaking him. He's strung up, barely concious. "Derek, wake up" I plead, eyes welling with tears. His eyes slowly open and he takes a breath. Tears slip down my face and I bring my hands to his face. "I thought I lost you" holy crap. That was close. I really thought he was gone this time. I couldn't handle losing him.
"You almost did" he says. "But I wouldn't leave you by yourself" he smiles best he can. I start untying him, unhooking him. "Ash!" I spin and come face to face with the Dijnn that did this to him. I kick out at it. It quickly finds it's bearings and throws me down on metal stairs. It's hand glows blue as it brings it over me. I struggle under it but it's too strong. Something stabs through it's neck. I look up and Derek's holding it. He pulls the knife out, throwing the now dead Dijnn off of me. He helps me up and hugs me tightly. I hug him back just as tight. "Let's get the hell out of here" he says.
..
Derek's p.o.v
"I thought it was supposed to be some perfect fantasy?" Ash asks, taking her eyes off the road for a second to look at me.
"It was" I sigh. "It started with a wish. I wished for my family to be alive. Your family too. They never died, we never started hunting. We.." I trail off. She doesn't need to know about us in that world.
"We what?" she asks when I don't continue.
"We were happy" I decide to say.
"I'm glad you pulled yourself out. Most people wouldn't have had that will power" Ashlee says. "I wouldn't have had the will power" she says quietly.
"Everything was perfect, you know? We had our families. I had my sisters, Peter, my Mum and Dad. You had your Mum and your brothers..I just wish..I don't know what I wish" I say.
"Derek..that wasn't real" she tells me.
"I know" I say. "But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad" I tell her. She reaches over with her spare hand and squeezes my hand. "We've lost so much..we've sacrificed so much"
"People are alive because of you" Ash says. The people we'd saved were starting to die. The timeline in that world was warped so much that because we didn't hunt, all those innocent people we saved died. "Yeah, it's not fair and yeah, it hurts like hell but it's worth it" she tells me.
"I know" I say, squeezing her hand back.
"Besides, we have each other. We've got Sam and Dean and Bobby. We've got Cora. We're okay, we'll always be okay" she says softly. I nod in agreement, she's right. She reaches over and turns the radio on. I reach over to change it to the CD. She smacks my hand away with the one she's still got around my other hand. "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole" she reminds me. I glare at her half heartedly but leave her to the music. I groan at the song she leaves on.
Blessed is the man who has a woman at his side
This for you I write, never do me wrong
If you're ever missing me just listen to this song
And you know, we lay together when the sun goes down
And I know, we'll be together when it comes back 'round
There's this girl, the one and only wonder of this world
And it don't matter if the road gets rough, if me rich or poor
She stay down with me if me go to war-
I change the song. I hate that song. It pisses me off how much it reminds me of Ashlee.
"Hey!" Ash objects. She moves to change it back but grins when another song she likes comes on. Argh. Maroon 5. I remember when Ash was 15, she went to their concert with Laura. She was giggling when she got home, had hundreds of pictures of that Levine guy on stage. I have to admit..I was jealous. Him and his stupid hair, stupid tattoos, ridiculously high singing voice. And it was even worse because Laura was oogling over the guy too, that was painful to listen to.
Sometimes you move so well it's hard not to give in
I'm lost, I can't tell where you end and I begin
Ash starts to sing along, a soft smile playing on her lips.
"It makes you burn to learn i'm with another man" she sings the girl part. I think back to James. As soon as she told me she'd slept with him..I just felt angry. Maybe it was jealousy. Okay, it was jealousy. It was something else though too. It was obvious she felt bad about doing it. Something to do with how she sounded defeated, like she gave in to him..it made me feel crappy too. I have no idea what these feelings mean, i'm not exactly experienced in the 'feelings department' so i'm having a little trouble. "I wonder if he's half the lover that I am" she sings the guy part as well..well if you can call his singing the guy part. "Now you've gone somewhere else far away, I don't know if I will find you. But you feel my breath on your neck, can't believe i'm right behind you. 'Cause you keep me coming back for more and I feel a little better than I did before. And if I never see your face again, I don't mind.." she trails off when she realises I was watching and listening to her.
"That was pretty good" I say, enjoying the way her cheeks darken when I do.
"Yeah right" she scoffs.
"Can I have control of my own radio now?" I ask her.
"Sure" she says with an eyeroll but a smile as well. I change it to a CD. We both smile when Motorhead drifts through the speakers. Ah..that's much better. "I'm glad you're okay" Ash says to me.
"So am I" I say. We share a smile and I want to tell her what I really saw between us. What I really feel. No, i'm not thinking of telling her i'm in love with her because..I don't know if that's true. But I know I do care about her, more than I show. But I don't say anything. That dream, whatever it was..what it said about Ash being in love with me, that can't be true, right? It was toying with me, trying to get me to stay, that's all.
"Hey, Derek" she says, squeezing my hand she still has interlocked with hers. I look up at her. "You're okay, right?" she asks me.
"Yeah, i'm good" I say, smiling at her. She smiles back and turns back to the road. Weither I wanted to stay in that world or not..this, right now, being with her like this, this is enough. As long as she's by my side, as long as we're still together.
..
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Favourite, follow and review! Season finale next! I really like that episode too and I had fun writing it so I hope you like next chapter!