Universe: Either/or
Characters: Anderson, Heinkel
"That'll be 250, Father."
Anderson smiled brightly at the clerk as he left and made sure to wish her and her own a good day, but inwardly, he was grumbling. All that time, time that could have been spent spreading the word of God or training his charges or killing vampires, instead wasted away at the optometrist. All those wads of cash, constantly being forked over for pair after pair of new glasses.
His mood wasn't improved when he led his paladins into battle the next night, only to find during the cleanup afterwards that one of Heinkel's lenses was now sporting a spiderweb of cracks that threatened to shatter to pieces at the merest breath of wind.
"It-it's fine, Father," Heinkel stammered as Anderson led the small group, which included both Heinkel and a few other paladins who were also sporting damaged glasses, to the eye doctor who was usually responsible for supplying them. "I can manage like this—"
"And throw off yer aim because ye can't see clearly, or worse, risk ye lowing an eye when that lens finally explodes in yer face?" Anderson shook his head. "No, I won't have any of my paladins going into battle poorly supplied, and I don't want to hear another word about this, is that clear, Heinkel?"
"Y-yes, sir!"
Even so, as he forked over the money for over a thousand euros' worth of new lenses, he couldn't help but wonder whether the Lord was having Himself a bit of a practical joke at Iscariot's expense.
"Come again soon!" the clerk called cheerfully as they made their collective exit. "We always look forward to doing business with you!"
"Ah, our best customer!" the doctor on duty proclaimed a week later, after his latest bout with Alucard had shattered his lenses yet again. He handed over a pair of glasses, the frames and prescription already fitted to Anderson's exact specifications.
"Have… you ever considered trying contact lenses, Father?" the clerk asked timidly as she rang him up. "I mean, not that it's any of my business, but… they're much easier to manage, and they can't get broken if you get in an accident."
"And ruin my aesthetic?" Anderson adjusted his new glasses, in exactly the right way to catch a beam of light so that it gleamed back at her off of the lenses. "Never!"
A/N: This came about thanks to a comment left by Marionetka on the chapter that speculates on why literally everyone in the Hellsing Organization wears gloves:
"By the way, do you have any thoughts on why almost everyone in Section XIII wears glasses? It's like, I don't know, a part of their uniform..."
(Yessssssssssssssss, give me ideassssssssssssssssssss…)