Chapter 26. A Torrent

Compared to the rest of the day, the afternoon and evening are relatively uneventful. Rod went back to the palace directly after lunch. I can just see the conversation at home, after everyone is done squealing over Rod's curse being broken.

"So, what did your sister think when she met her new teacher?" Father asks.

"You're not going to believe me," Rod answers. "She did something she never does."

"What?"

"It wasn't that she smiled…it was that she didn't stop," Rod answers. "It's apparently some old friend of hers, named Waltz. She uncursed him, too."

I think Father will rest easier, knowing that Waltz is going to be one of my teachers. In contrast, I expect Myth will be quaking in his boots if he hears anything of the sort.I'm sure he thinks that the fairies and the 'traitor' will be a negative influence on me. I expect the street thugs and corrupted witches will have orders to look for me within two days.

And it occurs to me to wonder how my father never noticed people looking for his 'nonexistent' daughter before the coup, and I can only guess that Myth handles the kingdom's intelligence gathering in addition to his political duties. Only the intelligence minister could suppress the information the king receives.

In the afternoon, Delora starts my lessons while Jurien and Waltz go out to get the things Fritz and I will need. I do not mention that I am sure they already have everything I need, because they were already expecting me.

For the first lesson, Delora teaches me merely how to call and dismiss my magic. "But what happens when it comes by itself?" I ask.

"That…should not happen often," Delora says. "Or at any rate, it should lessen when you gain more conscious control."

"But it's been happening all day," I tell her. "Especially when I'm upset or sad about something. It just…goes off, and lightning just starts dancing on my arms. I gave my father a mild shock, earlier today. I've been trying to stay calm, and it doesn't happen when I am."

Delora's eyes widen, briefly, and she looks worried. She knows I have a temper. "In light of that," she starts slowly, "it might be safer if Waltz or I were with you at all times. If you get stronger, uncontrolled energy if you get very upset, you could hurt someone if one of us isn't around to cast a shield."

I sigh. I won't be let into town at all with this. It's very difficult to hide lightning. "Fine," I agree. On the other hand, this will mean that I will be spending a lot of time with Waltz. Naturally, I find this a pleasant prospect. "I'd really rather not kill anyone."

"Your other choice," she continues, "is to bleed that energy off, into a spell, instead of letting it go wildly."

"I…think that is how I broke Rod's curse earlier today," I say. "I felt the energy starting that time, and I decided that I wanted to see. All of the colors changed, and I saw something black covering Rod. I…shooed it away?"

"If you could gain conscious control of that," Delora tells me, "there are a lot of people here that could use that type of help."

"I suppose so," I say, softly. "And I assume that they would stop despising me if I helped them?"

She shifts uncomfortably. "I wouldn't really say…."

"There's no use in denying it, Delora," I tell her. "I am not a fool. It's not because I am a witch; Waltz is liked, and you are respected. I have never done anything to them…well, perhaps with the exception of Annice…but I am judged simply for being my mother's daughter."

"I'm not saying that it is right," she tells me. "Most of them are very uncomfortable that their last hope wears the face of an old enemy."

"Fine," I say, getting irritated and unbidden magic travels up and down my arm again. I hate having to prove that I am not a monster again, and again, and again, and again…. "So, show me a spell I can use this for before I burn the inn down."

Delora teaches me how to bleed the energy into the air, where she thinks it will do no more damage than to raise the hair on anyone within about a ten-foot radius of me if I give it no direction, or perhaps make it rain a little bit if I put it in the air outside. She does warn me not to bleed it into the ground, and says with a twinkle in her eyes that that could cause earthquakes if strong enough.

Right. Earthquakes. As if the trickle of magic I am using could cause earthquakes.

That night I crawl into bed at the end of a very, very long day. I lie there waiting for sleep to come, only to find my mind is still spinning too fast to surrender to dreams. I am not cursed, Fritz is not cursed, and I am spending this midnight in my room in the Marchen instead of in my bedroom in the palace with Delora popping up to 'gift' me with the Cinderella necklace. Instead, today I wore a necklace with Waltz's key.

My eyes drift toward the table where the open box, the necklace, and the key still lie. Waltz was simply too excited to collect them. I think the box used to be a family heirloom of his. It's probably all he has left of the family my mother killed.

And my heart aches. Could I really love him again only to find everything we had together simply erased once more? What if love was what I did wrong each and every time, and the Tenebrarum is jealous of me powering the Lucis with my emotions instead of it? Can I even live that way?

If I am not allowed love…is that what corrupted my mother? Will I have to cycle again and again until I accept the destiny my mother chose for herself?

If so…I do not want that corruption any more than I want this cycle to continue. And I cannot escape the fact that I am still in love with Waltz. I am certain that my husband is the one man I will never be able to get over, even if I wanted to. I do not have to think very hard to smell his scent, feel his lips on mine, or to see the gentle love in his eyes. This is the day after our wedding, and by all rights I should be in his arms again tonight. I feel broken without him.

Love doesn't just cause joy I realize…it also causes pain. This is why my mother has always caused me pain again and again as I cycle through. I had loved her, and maybe a part of me still feels that way to feel her betrayals so keenly. Even as I despise her, I still wish her peace from her own pain, and it rips me apart every time I feel her betrayal anew.

And my husband…. My husband.

I know that I will never see Waltz as anything else. As opposed to my mother, I know that it is not his fault that he is not here, holding me. He simply cannot remember loving me.

But that realization does not make the pain any less.

And I start sobbing into my pillow. I feel the power billowing around me, stronger than it has before, but I cannot stop my tears. Instead, I let it bleed out of my window, high into the night sky. And it only gets stronger, and I hear rain.

I also hear footsteps, out in the hall, and my door bursts open. I turn my head away from the door, my entire body racked with sobs as I still weep into my pillow, still funneling the increasing torrent of power out of the window. Outside my window, there is not only rain now, but thunder and howling wind. Even though my eyes are closed tight, I get the sudden image of blood on ice and it is as if something snaps. I gasp through my tears as the power increases twofold all at once. It is so intense, I half wonder why I am not being swept out the window with it, and it is all I can do to direct it into the night sky instead of letting it go wildly where I somehow know it might kill everyone anywhere near me. The rain gets harder, the crashes of thunder grow more numerous, and the wind so fierce I think the inn is starting to shake. I want to be with my husband…I want there to be a future. Why have I been denied that which so many others take for granted?

I hear Parfait gasp as well, and then groan as if she is struggling with something mighty herself. "Parfait!" Waltz says, and it sounds like someone has slumped against the doorframe, but not hit the floor so I suspect she was caught midair. I can sense strong fairy magic, but I somehow know that she can't keep it up much longer…nor can I keep the little control I have over the torrent for long.

I feel pressure as if someone has sat on my bed, and I can feel a hand stroking my hair, rubbing my back. "Hush now," Delora says gently, from beside me. "Hush, Princess." And she starts to sing me a lullaby, but it is one that speaks of a peaceful meadow, and pleasant things on the spring breeze…not the one of twinkling stars that she normally sings me on this night.

Not the stars. Not the ever cursed, ever twinkling stars that signals my banishment from my childhood home, and begins my own helplessness anew. It is different this time. It will be different this time. I might be able to fight back, now. Whatever else has happened, I am no longer helpless. A lost, forgotten princess might be powerless, but the Tenebrarum Bearer is not.

Eventually, my tears subside, the torrent of power diminishes, and so does the storm outside. Now numb and thoroughly exhausted, I finally surrender to sleep.

…..

The morning sun wakes me, light shining into my eyes. I groan and roll over, only to find Delora sitting in the chair beside my bed with her feet resting on the edge of the bed. She appears to be asleep, still in her robe, but when I sit up in bed her eyes open and she yawns.

"My, you are a handful," she tells me, shaking he head at me.

"That storm…was that me?" I ask slowly, as if I do not know that it was. That much power…. I had to be using the full strength of the Tenebrarum.

Delora sighs, and nods. "I'm afraid so. If it had lasted much longer, there could have been flooding. I'm simply glad I did not tell you to bleed the energy into the ground. That…would have been a significant earthquake."

"And if I had let it go wildly…it could have killed everyone?" I ask hesitantly, and when Delora nods I breathe a silent prayer of thanks that I had been able to control the torrent as much as I had. "How…how is that possible? That…was a torrent of power. I should not be so strong yet, not the very first day I start using magic."

"It's…not just your own magic that you have access to, Lucette," the witch tells me. "Do you know what a Bearer is?"

"They are the strongest witch and fairy, right? Something to do with crystals?" I say.

Delora nods. "Magic is empowered and balance regulated through the Crystallum Lucis and the Crystallum Tenebrarum. The fairy Bearer—Parfait actually—has the keeping of the Lucis and is able to draw on its power. It relies on positive emotions to give it power, like love, happiness, and joy. Its counterpart is the Crystallum Tenebrarum, which is in the keep of the witches. It is fed by negative emotions like fear, anger, and hatred. It is a necessary balance to the Lucis, but…it's Bearers are more likely to suffer corruption, and it may corrupt other witches as well.

"Princess, your mother was the last Tenebrarum Bearer, and was corrupted. It has been in hibernation for years…you should have inherited her control of it as well as access to your own magic when you turned eighteen…but something is seriously wrong."

I shiver. "And the power I funneled last night was from the Tenebrarum?" I ask, and Delora nods. "It seems…unstable." But…I do not have the feeling of foreboding that I had when I woke up yesterday. Instead of feeling like something is about to shatter at any second, I feel more as if significant repairs merely need to be done soon. It feels less dangerous, as if a flesh wound is still gaping but no longer gushing blood.

Delora's generous lips draw into a thin line. "And we do not know why it might be unstable. For it to accept you as its Bearer months before your birthday…the Tenebrarum has to be in desperate need of some kind. If it is destroyed, the Lucis will also be destroyed, and that will be the end of all magic in Angielle."

And the death of the current Bearers. "If that would be the end," I ask, "where did it begin?"

Delora shrugs. "The histories say Chaos made the Tenebrarum and the witches first, simply to see what the mortals would do with them three hundred years ago. Then, Order gave the Lucis and made the first fairies to balance them. But histories are typically only written by the victors, so I cannot say with certainty. Parfait might know more."

And I am certain that the problem lies at a point higher than the crystals themselves. After all, once they were both destroyed, and the cycles still happened again. "Was that extra energy from last night there because the Tenebrarum was unstable, or because my own emotions were?"

"I…am not sure," Delora tells me. "You did note that when you experienced negative emotions, feeding the Tenebrarum, you received magic back. I have never heard of that happening before, with any other Bearer. The link you have with it must be altered somehow. When you receive power that you did not produce yourself, as you indicate does happen, that might be because the Tenebrarum is unstable and you must bleed off its extra magic. There could be some other reason…we just do not know."

I sigh. "I wish I didn't have a temper."

Delora is quiet for a moment. "Princess, it may not be as bad as all of that. Something…changed about you. I watched you for months, but the girl I see before me does not seem much like the one I saw then."

"I haven't been that girl for ten years, Delora," I say, exhausted, and her eyes widen. Maybe I should tell her, and Parfait at least. What I tell either one, the other will probably find out anyway. It would be better if it came from me directly. And Waltz…he may not remember, but that does not change the fact that he needs to know. After all, even if he cannot remember his oath to me, I remember mine to him; I am bound to him as his wife. I'm not exactly sure what he will say when I tell him, but I would want to know myself if the situation was reversed. "I've never told you this before, but…something is different this time. I may need more help."

"Ten years?" she asks. "What are you talking…."

"This is the first time you haven't given me the Cinderella Curse," I say, and her mouth drops open. "You were planning to do it last night, but I woke up yesterday using magic, and you soon realized that I was the new Tenebrarum Bearer. Now, I am the only one that may curse another witch."

Her eyes are so wide now, I half wonder how she is keeping them in their sockets. "But…but even if we did warn a few others that you were going to be cursed, only Parfait and I knew which one I was going to use!"

"There isn't just something wrong with the Tenebrarum, there is something wrong with time." I stop, and take a breath. "I have to wonder what my mother did when she placed herself in the Tenebrarum to keep herself alive."

And now, Delora has gone pale. "Your mother…is alive?!"

"Probably, but…I think that I was using the full power of the Tenebrarum last night. I don't usually get all of its strength until my mother is dead, and I think that I saw blood in fractured crystal briefly last night just before the power doubled. We should probably go check on that…the Tenebrarum is in the secret passages under the palace," I tell her, and then frown. "Whenever Parfait is up to conversation, I will explain the matter further. I…hope she did not injure herself trying to conceal where the power was coming from, last night."

Delora is silent for a moment. "There is no permanent damage, but she will probably need to rest several more hours at least. She does not have to call on the full strength of the Lucis often, and it takes a lot out of her when she must do so. She might be up to conversation, sometime after lunch."

"You should bring Waltz, as well," I say slowly. "My mother's apprentice might have information that is relevant. He was always as surprised as anyone when he finds out Mother is still alive, but there is always the possibility of something he thought irrelevant might be of import. Myth probably knows more, I am fairly sure that he does, but we would have to capture and interrogate him to find out what."

"You speak of the past, present, and future as if they are continuous or circular," Delora says carefully.

"For me, they are," I answer.

…..

"Are you…well…Princess?" Fritz asks me, sitting down at my table with his own breakfast tray, and I know that he can clearly see that I am not at my best.

"I had a rough night," I tell him, realizing that I am staring into my porridge.

Delora had not said another word to me as I dressed, and then she handed me off to Waltz while she went to go get ready for the morning herself. Now, the two of us sit at one of the tables in the common room, with Fritz just now sitting down.

"May I join you?" Karma asks, nodding to the fourth and last chair at the table, and I nod. "I would not be surprised if you did not sleep well, Princess, with that storm we had last night."

"Exactly how bad was it?" I ask, and Waltz shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

"It was…odd," Karma admits. "I was on patrol, and it had been a clear night. All of the sudden, black clouds appeared from nowhere and there was a torrential downpour with sever wind, and more lightning than I have ever seen produced by a storm. I had to take shelter to wait it out. Fortunately, it did not last long. As it was, the riverbanks were nearly full."

I sigh, and put down my spoon. "Waltz," I tell him, "you two have to teach me some spells that can use that kind of power with effects that are not as…noticeable. Otherwise, I might flood Angielle the next time there is a power surge like that."

Karma and Fritz's mouths drop open. "That…that was you that made the storm?" Fritz asks, shocked. "But…you only started using magic at all yesterday!"

"I'm actually surprised that something worse did not happen," Waltz admits, wearing a worried frown.

"Tell me about it," I sigh, and then turn to Fritz. "The best way I can describe it is like trying to ride a galloping horse, knowing that you saddle is secured with sewing thread instead of leather straps. For some reason, the Tenebrarum appears to be…unstable."

"That…does not sound safe," Fritz admits. And he does not look happy about it in the least. I have a severe problem that a sword cannot solve, and he would be even more worried if he knew that the destruction of the Tenebrarum would kill me.

"I'll just have to work hard," I tell him, then I turn to Waltz. "Do I have lessons this morning?"

"Yes, but we should work on something small," Waltz tells me. "Larger, stronger spells need to be hidden by fairy magic so no one can find you. Parfait…will not be capable of that until later today."

"That was not intentional," I admit. "She's sure to have a terrible time, trying to hide me. Parfait looks somewhat frail. She could probably use a doctor's services."

"That's because she took a lot of damage during the Great War," Waltz tells me, though I already know.

"And she will have to reserve the strength she does have for my…surges. She may have to scale back on the rest of her activities in order to meet this need," I say, and Waltz nods.

"She will not like that, but she will do it," Waltz says, grimly. "She tries to protect the local populace from evil witches, and uses her power to do so. But…at this time, hiding you is her priority."

And I know that Parfait has no other choice. If the Tenebrarum is destroyed, the Lucis will be as well…and their Bearers will turn to dust while all other witches and fairies lose their powers. If the Tenebrarum has accepted me as its Bearer, and breaks…that will be the end of both me and her. She cannot let the corrupted witches interfere with our attempting to stabilize the Crystallum without allowing the Tenebrarum to corrupt me, therefore she cannot let them find me.

It does occur to me that the other witches, corrupted and uncorrupted alike, might see 'my storm' as a simple display of power, and will be considerably less active as they wait to see what I do next. Fewer people may be cursed as a result of it. I am certain that although Parfait has apparently hidden my location in spite of the power I was using, not one witch supposes that it was anyone but me that caused the storm. They know that had my mother somehow survived, she would have announced herself by taking over the kingdom. In spite of my youth, I am the only other option to have used the power of the Tenebrarum. I do not know if they will see the storm as a purposeful announcement of my power, or an accident as I try to control my newfound strength, but either way…I am now quite dangerous.

I know that if I am not seen in this light, more people will likely suffer curses, though Waltz does not tell me out loud. It would probably give Parfait some peace of mind if I started dispelling the curses of some of her patrons. The corrupt witches may curse people, but if I undo their work…. She would take short term losses for long term gains.

Especially after I tell her what is really happening…if she believes me. I'm not sure if Delora did or not, although I can think of no other explanation for me to know what I know other than I might be able to read minds.

Maybe I should wait until after Rumple arrives before I start attempting to dispel curses. The other witches might take my actions to mean that I want less cursing, and from the little I do know the witch doctor that curses Rumple does not seem corrupt. Comparatively, his curse is easy to break, and could be defined as instructional. But, if that curse does not happen then we could lose the services of an experienced doctor. Parfait will probably need him, and being cursed does him good eventually, anyway.

"Excuse me, Princess," Karma says, breaking me out of my reverie. "I could not help but notice your hands. Do you work the sword yourself?"

I let go of my spoon, leaving it in my bowl, and look at my palms. They indeed still have the callouses I earned during my last round. I am the same physically…this has not happened before either. And then I realized that I should have noticed this when I woke up yesterday, still sore from the…festivities…of the previous night. Come to think of it, I did notice, but was immediately panicked by the fact that Delora was on my shelf again.

"Yes," I answer, and Fritz looks at me, shocked. "I'm decently good, but not brilliant."

"When…who trained you?" Fritz asks.

"As if you didn't know," Karma says, shaking his head. I'm guessing that Karma believes that Fritz trained me, and is trying to cover it up. They always assume Fritz trained me, at least until they find out otherwise.

"But I didn't..." Fritz starts.

I sigh. "And here I wanted to surprise you, Fritz," I say, "and Karma blurts it out."

"My apologies Princess," Karma says, though I am not sure if he is convinced that Fritz did not train me, or if I am helping him cover it up for some reason. "If you like, you can come to practice this evening after supper to show us what skills you have acquired, if there are no prior claims on your time?" He looks at Waltz as he asks this.

Waltz shakes his head. "No lessons set in stone for this evening. Delora or I will be with her, though." And something in his eyes tells me that he would be very interested in seeing if I can indeed fight.

"Very well," I say. Well then, lessons with Waltz this morning instead of sweeping, a long discussion with Waltz, Delora, and Parfait this afternoon, and sword practice this evening with Karma and the knights.

It sounds like a full day.

Karma and Fritz finish their breakfast first, and Karma drags Fritz along with him to show him where the whetstone is in case Fritz wants to sharpen his sword. Apparently, Karma has errands to run later. For once, I know his errands today do not involve looking for me.

Waltz stays behind with me until I finally finish breakfast, simply looking at me as if he is trying to decide something. "What is it, Waltz?" I finally ask him.

"You could handle a sword in…" he trails off.

"In what?" I ask him, curious. He knows that I never picked one up as a child when he knew me before. Fritz has denied teaching me, and it would be very difficult for anyone else to have done so. The only time I have used one was during my cycles when I get Karma and Jurien to teach me. I get better every time I go through and request lessons.

"Never mind," he tells me.

But I do mind, sensing a glimmer of hope that he somehow remembers the last cycle, and what we had together.

…