Chapter 26

Jack turned around from where he was staring over the water, when he heard footsteps approach.

Sherlock nodded in greeting. "Rough morning?"

"Hmm." Jack sighed and turned away. "It's not like I liked shooting her. So if Ianto sent you to scold me some more, please leave it."

Sherlock shook his head. "You did the right thing. It would have been far more cruel to let her suffer such a devastating and ultimately fatal loss any longer than absolutely necessary. And even if she could have survived being, in a sense, amputated from her chosen host, she was too dangerous. She would have had to remain locked up. It was far kinder to end it quickly."

"Thank you," Jack said quietly, laying his hands on the handrail before him.

Sherlock moved to stand beside him. "I think young Mr Jones' distress runs a little deeper than sympathy with an alien parasite."

Jack sighed and leaned forward on his arms. "I know."

Sherlock smiled. "John believes that it helps to talk about such things. He has often insisted that I try and at times it did indeed clarify things and help us move forward."

"The thing is that you and John are a couple. Ianto and I both know why things are the way they are. There isn't much to talk about."

"Obviously there is something," Sherlock said. "Or he would not have overreacted like this. Maybe you need to redefine the terms."

"Sherlock, I know you're trying to help, but..." Jack shook his head.

Sherlock smiled. "... but giving relationship advice is really not my area, and you'd rather handle things your own way." He stepped away from the railing. "Want to come back to the Hub? I left John in charge and I don't think he was too happy about it."

Jack nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'm not in a position to run away." He gave Sherlock a small smile.

Sherlock returned Jack's smile and took his arm. "Shall we?" he asked and then winked and added: "Captain?"

Jack's face folded into a wide grin. "Yes, Sir."

"If you like, I could help you start a file on the Titaniar before we return to London," Sherlock offered, as they walked back to the Hub. "Everything I learned from Cy will surely be helpful if another one falls through the rift."

"Thanks, that would be nice. Although I sincerely hope that doesn't happen again," Jack answered.

"Still, being prepared might make things... easier."

"Yes, of course. Are you sure John won't mind staying at Torchwood a little longer?" Jack asked.

Sherlock shrugged. "It shouldn't take that long. And he needs to give his leg some time to heal before travelling."

"True. Not that you would mind carrying him around if needed, hmm?" Jack winked.

Sherlock chuckled. "He tends to get a little miffed when I pick him up. Might be a height issue."

"Ah well. I'm sure his being short has its advantages too," Jack said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Sherlock snorted. "You really are wicked," he said. "And don't go getting any ideas. I suspect he is quite immune to your charms."

"And how about you?" Jack asked, quirking his eyebrow.

Sherlock grinned. "I would like to say that if I had met you before I knew John, I would definitely have been interested, but that would be a lie. Before him, I had absolutely no interest in such things. I thought caring would be a disadvantage. That it would make me weak and vulnerable. Sex was something messy that got people to do stupid things. But then he happened. He saw right through me and brought out a potential I had never even suspected. I fell head over heels in love with him and it wasn't long before I gave myself completely to him and found how mistaken I had been. It has not made me weak but strong. Not vulnerable but richer... deeper. But I was right about sex making people do stupid things. Like me flirting with you because I know jealousy turns John positively dangerous in bed. He knows that's why I do it and that I would never be truly unfaithful, but he still feels a need to reclaim me. And I love it. Belonging to him. So yes, I'm quite immune to your charms. If it hadn't been for John, I would never have noticed and now... Now I have John and he is everything I want and need."

Jack gave him an amused grin, but there was a little sadness in his eyes as well. "I'm glad you found that with him. I don't know if many people ever manage to form a bond that strong. Neither can I imagine not being interested in sex at all." He chuckled.

Sherlock laughed. "Yes, I'm sure that is not something you can relate to easily."

"Still, I know it's different when you let it mean something," Jack smiled.

Sherlock smiled. "I couldn't really say."

...

John looked up when he heard them enter the Hub. "No alarms to frown at!" he called.

Sherlock laughed. "Good. Now if you don't mind, I'll go finish up with Cy and then start on the report."

Jack's face fell a little at the mention of Cy's name and he sat down next to John, who gave him an examining look.

Jack nodded at him. "Your boyfriend is better at comforting people than he realizes."

"I know. But for most people, his honesty is too confrontational. I'm glad you see his true meaning through it," John smiled.

"He thinks very highly of you."

"And I of him."

Jack stared at his computer screen for a while, even though there was no file opened to read on it.

"Did he tell you that Gwen is alright?" John asked after a while.

"No, but I thought she was, after checking on her. Thank you."

"She didn't remember anything about the abduction. Ianto is bringing her home." John hesitated for a moment. "He told me about your recent losses. I'm sorry."

Jack sighed. "It's a dangerous job. Knowing that doesn't keep it from hurting when you lose someone."

"I think you and Ianto could be a great support to each other if you allowed yourselves to be," John said carefully.

"I know what you're saying, John... Sherlock started on the same thing. But I can't die. Not ever. In the end, I lose every friend I ever had. Every relationship I start will eventually end. Do you have any idea how much it hurts when I have admitted to myself that I love them? However loyal both parties are, I know that I will be the one who is left behind. And perhaps I got used to it in a way, after all this time, but when the moment is there, I can't ignore the pain. If I allowed myself, it would paralyse me. And with Ianto... It would be bearable if I knew it would last for another fifty years. But Torchwood is his life. I can't glass-cover him to keep him safe. He won't live forever and I will lose him."

John bit his lip and looked away. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't meddle in this."

"No, it's not your fault. It's just the way it is. Whatever it is Ianto and I actually want, we can't have it." Jack sighed.

"And you talked about that to Ianto."

"He knows."

A silence fell and Jack stood up, looked down at Sherlock for a moment and then walked to his office.

Ianto walked in just in time to see the door close behind Jack.
"So he's back," he said. He looked as if he wanted to say something more, but changed his mind.

"Give him a moment," John said quietly.

"As many as he wants," Ianto said, and went into the kitchen.

John sighed.

...

Sherlock was quite impressed with the equipment available and did a thorough examination of Cy's anatomy. When he was satisfied he had learned all he could, he covered her up, cleaned himself up and went up to start typing up his findings. When he saw John, however, he went over and put his hands on his shoulders. "Are you alright?" he asked.

John leaned back and covered Sherlock's hands with his own. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you still think Jack was wrong? Shooting Cy?"

"I honestly don't know," John sighed. "I can't imagine what it's like to live forever and see everything pass."

Sherlock nodded. "The prospect of losing something can be so daunting, that it seems better to deny it in the first place. But by that logic, none of us should ever love or care."

"Isn't that what you believed for a while?" John asked softly, looking up at him over his shoulder.

Sherlock chuckled and leaned down to kiss John. "I was an idiot."