"What are your views on these articles? Is this a publicity stunt?"

"My views are that if the media and tabloids hadn't intervened this wouldn't have looked like a publicity stunt. What went down 6 months ago is not your concern, and no other reporter's concern either. Respect his privacy, and respect mine too. No more questions."

"Is this a publicity stunt? Are you still in love with the TMOD lead singer? Will the fans ever get an answer?"

"If this was a publicity stunt we would be back together in a week's time. I think the fans already have an answer – it's just the media trying desperately to create a story. It's useless, and I think they need to drop it."

"Are you currently dating Taylor Lautner?"

"He's a great guy to hang with, but no. I don't want to focus on anything but my music for now."

"What about the time when you left the VMA afterparty with that blonde there?"

"That is my hair stylist. She's a 30-something with kids and a really amazing husband. So, yeah – no."

"Do you miss Bill? Does he miss you? Are you guys still in touch?"

"No, we aren't in touch, and I don't think you'll spot us together in anyway anytime soon, or at all. The times I had with him and the rest of the guys were one of the best times of my life, I do not deny it. But it's not coming back. I'm sorry to disappoint those looking for a more 'fun filled' answer."

"She was my best friend. Those memories will remain, and I will cherish them always."

Time passes, and although it does nothing but numb us, we pretend that it heals, that it cures.

We pretend to breath.

NIKI'S POV

"CAN YOU GUYS UP THE STRINGS ON THAT END?"

The sun was killing me, and so were the workers. This was getting out of control.

But my life had been an out of control mess for 3 years now, so I guess I've gotten used to it.

Let me feed you in – it's been three years since I left him.

Three years, and Tom's completely alright now.

In fact, he and my twin sister are getting married.

Georg's already married to Stella for the past two years, so yeah.

"How's it going sis?"

Speak of the devil.

"I'm gonna kill you. These dudes don't know no shit!" True, I was almost completely numb still inside, but I had learned to live – in the day for my twin sister and in my dreams for him. He was always there, just a memory, making me laugh at the silliest of jokes and flashbacks.

I still loved him.

Presently, Tom laughed.

"Shut the fuck up and lend me a hand here!"

He laughed some more, "Sorry sis. Gotta go check out that tux you fixed me up with."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah, you're lucky I convinced everyone with the 'dark grey looks way more awesome than black'. AND that I designed that whole thing. I think you owe me big time."

He smirked, "Father actually fell for the whole 'the groom shouldn't look like he is mourning in black' thing."

I smirked back, but how could I mean it. Let's just say my acting skills had become amazing. Being emotionless on the inside does that to you.

"Yep."

"Well, if you want I could get someone to help you. Maybe Bill – "

My heart froze, my legs felt shaky, and I felt like I was getting a heat stroke. My head hammered against my skull, and the surge of emotions was overwhelming.

"No."

"Hate me…"

My fatal last words.

Tom looked at me carefully, the pain so evident in his eyes. He had apologized so many times, so many puzzling times. And each time I had told him not to be a dumbass. I had made the choice, not him; and it had helped the both of them. I would watch their TH TV Episodes just to make sure of that. I knew after a point they had stopped pretending to be all fake happy, hyper and begun to be themselves again. They had caved in to each other again. It made me crack open just a little bit because at least I had the satisfaction of knowing that I hadn't broken all three hearts, that I had been able to mend two of them.

I looked away now, concentrating on the workers that were fixing up the wooden board. But I wasn't looking; I couldn't be looking when that beautiful face moved into the forefront in my head.

"He can – "

"He's taking care of the stuff you wanted up on the beach." I said quietly, looking down and fidgeting with my nails. He turned me around to face him again, bending low to look up into my face, but I turned away, looking sideways. He picked up my face, making me look at him. the action was so much like Bill's had always been, those memories was so vividly burned in my head that I winced.

Don't be like your brother Tom. It hurts…

It hurts, because he was so goddamned vulnerable, and understanding, and –

"This is getting stupid."

"I'm not starting another fiasco all over again." I said, teeth gritted, eyes hard. He sighed.

"Whether you accept my apology or not, I am sorry, I – " he sighed once more, looking away, "I can't watch you just kill yourself every single time. Just for us. I can't."

"But I can watch me do this, and I am doing it. Quite frankly, I've not been as happy in three years as I am now – you're happy, Pie's happy, he has you, and that brunette he keeps hanging with. So maybe he found her – the love of his life. When he realizes that, he won't even recall that these past five years ever existed. He won't remember the girl in the MAC store. He won't remember anything about her. So don't worry, he'll be fine."

"He can't – "

"He never loved me that way. No one can; because I only cause them pain. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I don't want you trying to get me back so that I can ruin his life again anymore."

"I'm not talking about him."

"You should be. I'm not your concern."

"You're my sister, obviously you are my – "

"Would you rush to your sister or to your twin?" I asked him, looking sharply into his eyes. He looked away, not bothering to answer. But I already knew, hence the question.

"That's what I thought."

"I – "

I stopped him, looking him carefully in the eyes and keeping my voice low.

"I told him to hate me, and he's doing a fantastical job. Just… just please don't ruin how much ever I've collected of myself over the past three years… Please?" I begged him as I uttered that last statement. After so long, I spoke the truth about how I felt –

Devastated, I had created a person who was exactly like the real me, only a me without any weaknesses, without any place at all for tears. And when I was able to play my part well enough, I had begun picking up the pieces of my real self wherever I found them. I hid them so deep, they wouldn't even surface anymore like they had done in the beginning.

He looked at me, his eyes sad, and his expression heartbroken.

"It doesn't make me happy. It can never make me happy that I hurt you so much and that I had to have you make decisions you should never have made. I hate myself for that."

I flinched, I didn't want him to hate himself. I didn't want anyone to do that.

Anyone but me.

"Don't, please. For him, for pie…" he looked at me carefully. The silence and the heat stretched on. After so long I heard the waves breaking along the shore.

"For you."

BILL'S POV

In the last three years, I had sort of well…

Not lived.

On the inside, there was nothingness, there was a void. In the beginning, I did nothing about it. But then, as time went on, and as I began to forgive Tom, I started restarting my system.

In day, I lived for Tom, and at night she would visit me in my dreams.

I dreamt even more than before, maybe thrice a night. And I found that the days I was hurting, I dreamt even more. But no matter how much I did dream, those words would always echo in my ears before I woke up, and I would wake up with my heart beating hard and a fresh sweat over my forehead.

That had been everyday in my life since I picked up my shattered heart.

"BILL!" a voice called from the other side of the room. I had finished arranging the model bunch of flowers, so I turned, sighing. Lisa looked back at me, beckoning me to join her. Lisa, who had been a friend since last winter, had been labeled my 'mystery girl' by the paparazzi. Even after denying it numerable times in press conferences, the media didn't want it. But the fans accepted my statement, so I didn't complain.

I walked over to where she stood, my hands on my hips. She turned away from her ginormous bag, in which she was putting all that baby stuff back. She looked up at me absent mindedly.

"Wha – oh, yeah. We need to get me back to the cottages." My eyebrows rose bit. "Erica needs to sleep. And I'm supposed to nap when she does, so…"

"Ah…" now I understood. I swear I didn't understand baby-mama-drama at all.

You see, where everyone thought me and Lisa were together, that could never happen. She was a single mom of 28, and she could never love anyone else but Erica's father; he died in a plane crash just days after their daughter was born. I had known Kurt for a long time, and it had only added to the emptiness I had felt, but with me helping Lis, and her helping me – we got over a lot of things – we learnt to pretend that not breathing was normal. This had just been a month or two ago.

We headed over to the cottages.

Turns out this wasn't good for me at all.

TAYLOR'S POV

It was getting pretty late into the afternoon, and the sun was scorching. I hadn't minded till I was in the water, but now that I'd decided to get out – I felt sick. I headed up to the cottages, all huddled together. You see, this place was on the civilized side of the Andaman and Nicobar islands. It was plain beautiful – with the cottages huddled together, opening up to a huge circular meeting are kind of thing that was tiled with old stones. The occasional roses bloomed through the cracks, and vines grew all over the outer walls. I headed up to my cottage, inserting the key and getting in; Gustav sat at the verandah, iPod blasting in his ears as usual. I smiled at him. The dude was a real nice guy, and turns out I was stupid to think that these dudes hated me. The more I got to know them, the more I loved to hang.

Well, that's with the exception of Tom's younger bro Bill.

I had no idea what he had against me; all I knew was that he didn't want me around at all. Tom said Bill could be a drama queen in the beginning – only without the gayness – and that he'd come around. But the guy never had.

I stepped in, took a shower, and got out, waving to Gus as I went. He waved back. Walking around this place, I decided I'd just spend a little time helping someone if required, but halfway through my second round of the place I sighed, giving up. No one there.

Looks like today was the day off.

I walked up, a little further away from the cottages. There was a larger construction here; a 'games room', and then another large lounge kind of place on top on the second and final floor. It didn't have much of chairs and sofas, only mats and pillows and stuff. We had turned it more into an extra large 'sleepover room' more than anything else. Everyone – and I meant EVERYONE – was up here last night, and I'd guess they would be up here tonight too, just laughing and having a good time. This wedding was more easy going and fun than most that I'd been to; not as uptight. I walked into the games room area, wondering whether I'd find anyone here – no one.

And that's when I heard it.

The music seem to slam against the ceiling, and I knew in an instant that someone – or some people – were sitting upstairs. I climbed up, eager for some company.

But what I found was, well… just one girl.

The room lay in darkness, the blinds pulled down, hiding her face, her identity. She moved ever so gracefully, twirling, and then landing with her legs crossed just the right way; even in the crazy jam of the heavy electric guitars, she'd found grace. As I watched, the music shifted. She came to a stop, and then begun again, this time diving into a salsa. I had to say, I couldn't really remember seeing anyone dance like she did. And each move, each improv had me paying rapt attention. I didn't realize when the day was over, when the sun set and the sky turned mauve.

I didn't even realize when the lights came on.

"Uh – Taylor?"

My eyes zeroed in on the face. I wouldn't have believed it.

"Niki?"

NIKI'S POV

"So – where did you learn to dance like that?" we were walking back towards the cottages. The boy had shocked me, honestly. I never even dreamt of anyone coming up those stairs in the middle of the afternoon. I had been in there for God knows how long.

"Umm… let's see… well, I did Indian classical since age 5 through age fifteen. And then I did jazz. Before that, during the classical phase I did do a level of Salsa. Later on I completed that too. After all that, hip hop pretty much comes easily to you."

"Wow…" I sighed internally; I really didn't have time for all of this. I didn't have time for anyone. I mean, the guy was a good friend; I guess he kinda stopped trying to get me interested in him after well… you know. But I still had the weirdest feeling that he hadn't given up.

"So – what were you doing up there anyway?"

"I – um… well things got pretty boring down." He said, smiling sheepishly. I smiled back. I bet it looked dazzling, I had become a master of my emotions. Pretending was as easy as breathing had been.

If you're wondering what Taylor's doing here – Tom apparently LIKES hanging out with the boy. So he's here. And he's Zoe's good friend by now too. Way to go.

We got down to the beach, doing nothing at all. I guess it got boring for him, cause I was in no mood to talk up a storm.

"So how's the wedding preparation going?"

How typical – make small talk.

"Good, I guess. Although I think I'm gonna start getting a sun burn pretty soon."

He chuckled softly, and I didn't understand why. I didn't like the way it sounded.

It sounded a lot like…

"So… are you and Bill, well…"

I froze at the name, my heart thudding louder than ever. It never showed, but no matter how hard I tried – that memory wouldn't leave me alone. His hurt and heartbroken face would leap into my mind the minute I heard his name, and it would hurt me with a searing white hot pain unlike any other. It never failed to kill parts of my heart with every single blow.

"Taylor, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh, okay… it's just… I really did wonder… why'd you do it… if you don't mind me asking."

I sighed, the boy actually did care. I wasn't going to spill my everything to him, but I guess he could know some of it at the least.

"A lot of things…came in the way. If… if I hadn't stepped away then, then maybe everything would be worse now. Sometimes you have to choose between two kinds of happiness – one that's been around since the very beginning, or one that you just recently found. He had to pick – he didn't want to. I tried to make him understand, but… he didn't listen. I guess I had t make the decision for everyone then. I had no choice."

"So you gave him up?" his teeth were clenched when he said it, his voice quiet. I couldn't believe him. Why did he care so much anyway?

"Yeah. But I wouldn't put it that way. There is no way to put it, really. It had to happen sooner or later. Believe me, it was later."

He looked at me carefully, and it hurt.

He had the same look Bill had had.

That first night

He was considering me.

"Why do it to yourself? Why hurt yourself for someone else?"

"Because sometimes giving things up brings about most happiness. Maybe not for me, but at least for them. And hey, I'm not exactly bawling my brains out here!" I said, saying the last bit jokingly as I waved my hands around. He rolled his eyes in mock irritations, but the concerned look hadn't left those black eyes completely. I didn't like it there, I didn't want pity, or concern, or anything at all.

I didn't want him to feel for me anymore than he did.

Because that would only ruin him further.

That would only kill me again.

I couldn't love anyone else anyway.

"You knew this would happen." He said, I started, looking carefully into his face.

No one had ever known that.

"Yes." I whispered, looking straight ahead. Suddenly the black waves rolling off the rocks at night seemed more interesting.

Just like they had when I first spoke openly with the love of my life.

Just like when he'd had me blushing.

Only this time around I wanted to avoid the sweet and caring man next to me. He deserved better.

"You shouldn't have to suffer…"

"I'm not – "

But I had no time to complete my sentence.

It felt wrong, and it felt bad.

It felt nothing like it did with the man I'd called my best friend.

The kiss wasn't soft, like before.

It wasn't warm, like before.

It wasn't his kiss.

I pulled away, finally managing to extricate myself.

"Stop. No – this can't – oh."

He looked unsure – whether he'd done something wrong, or if he'd surprised me.

Unfortunately he'd done both.

"N – Niki?"

"Just – look I've gotta go back inside."

"Wait – "

But I wasn't listening anymore

"To me you'll be forever sacred. I'm dying but I know our love will live…"

"You're the best, you know that?"

I'd love him forever…

"I love you, you idiot."

"Nothing's wrong with you baby. I won't let it be…"

-"You remember the time I first saw you?" –"Yeah, and you kept staring at my hands. That was weird."

-"Someone's happy." –"Shut up."

"As long as you love me, I'm fine."

"You can't leave!"

"Hate me…"

"Hate me…"

"Hate – "

Why?

"Niki?" and for a second I thought it was him, for a second I thought it was those familiar dull gold pools staring right into mine, with arms wide open, ready to take me back and to forgive me for everything I'd ever done and said to him, but as I rubbed my eyes and forced the tears out, I saw another similar face there. A face I didn't want to see, because the heart that went with that face would hurt at the sight of my tears.

I hadn't cried in two out of those three years.

"Why in fuck's name are you'll identical twins?"

"Wait – what? Niki, wait up! Please don't – "

"Don't create a scene at your wedding. Just get the both of you inside one of them cottages." The words slipped out sounding razor sharp out of my mouth. Tom looked hurt.

Do I hurt everyone I love?

"I'm sorry…" but it was a whisper in vain; I didn't even have the stamina to face him and say it to his face. I didn't know how severe the damage would be if he were to get mad. I didn't know how many times I could break and pretend to fix myself again. I walked into the lone cottage, being the only person living in it.

I didn't know when I slammed the door shut, or shut the curtains. I didn't know when the water started running.

I didn't know when I slid to the bathroom floor and let the running water camouflage my tears.

I didn't know a thing.

BILL'S POV

I watched her run, I watched her cry.

It was like that last night all over again.

My heart broke all over again.

"Why in fuck's name are you'll identical twins?"

I froze.

""Wait – what? Niki, wait up! Please don't – "

"Don't create a scene at your wedding. Just get the both of you inside one of them cottages."

Her words cut through him like ice.

I lurched forward.

She slammed the door shut.

"What in the name of God was all that about?"

I turned to face the woman next to me.

"Lisa, I think you should just… go take that nap, okay? I'll be checking in on you in two, I promise. Okay?"

She looked at me, warmth radiating from her, and smiled the slightest bit – her eyes were sad. "You don't need to promise me anything."

So she knew I wouldn't be talking to anyone tonight.

"Bill – "

"Just get back in. Sh – she's right. You don't want to create a scene. For your own good." I couldn't even bring her up in conversation.

My brother looked at me carefully.

She still worked for everyone's good.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked me, his eyes taking in my form sharply.

I looked right back at him.

"I'm going to clear my head."

He continued to consider me for the next two minutes. I didn't waver. I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

He sighed, walking away. Whoever else's silhouette I had seen before, they were gone too.

But now that everyone was gone, I was rooted to the spot.

I was about to break everything I had accomplished over the past three years.

Every layer, every barricade, every ounce of theatric talent.

But I knew that one day I would come face to face with the truth.

The truth about how she felt.

This is why she wanted me to hate her.

"Hate me, please…"

I did hate me.

My whole body felt unused, like I had never walked before, like I had never felt before. Emotions and thoughts, they mingled, crashed and then moved away in a continuous cycle.

I couldn't stay numb anymore.

The door stared me down, and I sunk to the ground, sunk down and onto the steps, letting my head rest sideways against the wood, caressing the water that trickled through from the inside. I brought my fingers up to my face.

Her scent lingered in it.

I gasped, as though a damn broke on the inside, as if the pain was spilling into my every organ, and like many would say is the best solution – I clenched my teeth and embraced the pain.

I embraced it, till I could hear every sound that enveloped the air in its emotions.

Till I could hear her crying.

I sighed a broken sigh – a broken sigh that was accompanied by a broken sob – a sob so quiet one would think I had forgotten how to breathe.

I had forgotten how to breathe.

Nothing'll ever be wrong with you baby. 'Cause I'm fixing it starting today.