When Axel woke up to go to the bathroom the feeling of being alone woke me up, which wasn't as bad as I originally thought seeing as how the sun had already risen, I laid on his bed, sprawled out because it was hotter than hell in his room. A few minutes later Axel came back and sat on the bed next to me before laying down also, I looked up at him but I don't think he saw me staring because my looking was well placed with his yawn. "Gr…" I groaned, kicking the blanket off my feet, "Why's it so hot in here?" I asked as I kicked the blanket off the foot of the bed, Axel didn't want it either because he pushed it away before he was even laying down, Axel chuckled but provided no response.
As I laid in a beater and sweat pants with my arms up at the sides of my head I stared at the ceiling and wondered- but I wanted to know the answer so I asked, "Does it bother you?" and I realized he probably had no idea what I was talking about. "Huh?" he questioned, I lifted my hands like I was reaching for the ceiling but had the inside of my arms pointed so Axel and I could see the words and scars, "This?" I motioned with my hands. The words were scarred into my pale flesh with little dips like I had gouged my flesh out while the scars that wrapped around my wrists shined and bulged.
Axel took a deep breath like he was thinking before he slowly began talking, "In all honesty?" he asked and I nodded my head, he continued a second later. "It pisses me off," I hadn't expected that but I waited for him to finish talking. "I hate that you do that to yourself- I know it's not what I'm supposed to tell you if I want you to stop but I think it's bullshit." I continued to stare at my arms, I could understand why he wasn't supposed to say that to me- because now I felt like shit but I wanted to do it more. "I know you're not stupid Rox, you know it's bullshit- how would you feel if I was still doing that shit?" I dropped my arms to my sides, I'd be pissed and upset beyond belief.
He sighed, "I don't like seeing you get hurt, I hate knowing that not only does your mom and fuck face hurt you- you add to it and hurt yourself on top of that. I hate thinking of leaving you alone because I don't know how much you'll beat yourself up, and I hate feeling like I have to safety proof everything just so you don't hurt yourself more and get creative with what you hurt yourself with." Maybe he was still angry about yesterday because it seemed like there was a lot of anger still biting at him, but I let him continue talking. "Seeing those scars on your arms is just a reminder that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. And I don't want your hand to slip and suddenly you're dead…"
We sat in silence, since Axel was laying a little above me on the bed it was easy for him to maneuver so his hand could pull the bangs out of my face and continue to comb through my hair with his fingers, after a few minutes of said silence I turned and looked up at him. "How do you do it?" he raised an eyebrow so I rephrased my question, "How do you act so patient and caring to me when you're so pissed?" his gaze shifted lower and he seemed in deep thought for a few seconds before finally he spoke. "Because I care about you Rox, you know that, I don't want to fuck up and push you away… I still want to be around you."
I continued to watched him for a few seconds, his fingers still moving in my hair, before I turned to look back at the ceiling, I softly chuckled- thinking to myself, I shared my questioned with Axel a few seconds later, "I bet you didn't think you'd have to deal with all this when you talked to me the second day of school…" "Huh?" he questioned but I didn't brother to rephrase what I had said, he shifted on the bed a little and then he spoke, "The second day of school- my first day?" I nodded my head and he hummed in questioned before speaking again, "How did that lead to all this?" I was quiet for a second, thinking about how I wanted to phrase it.
"Well… you commented on my bracelets… and I don't know…" I really didn't know how to say it but Axel began talking, "So, because I complimented you on your bracelets you decided to open up to me?" he asked and I quickly shook my head, "No, it's not that you complimented me… it's just the way you said it, and the way you talked about your sister… I don't know… it was just something about you…" he chuckled when I stopped talking. I was confused a little but he answered my un-asked question, "So there was something about me, but there's not now?" I rolled in my spot to be on my stomach, my elbows propping me up, I smiled, "Hmm… maybe- but it doesn't really matter, you're stuck with me?" he raised an eyebrow and all I could do was laugh a little.
"Oh really now?" he questioned, so I quickly nodded- because it was true, he was stuck with me even if he hated my guts because I knew there was no way I could ever hate him. He ruffled my hair and slightly pushed me in the process but after that we didn't say really anything. As I laid there I thought, and as my thoughts built on top of each other I had to voice them to Axel.
"I have to go back soon…" of course I expected Axel to react the way he did, which was him practically shouting out, "Why? So you can put yourself through more shit?" but I still had to go back so I continued speaking, "I have to go back at some point, what- you think I'd just stay here under your foster mom's roof? I can't stay with Rikku, and in case you didn't notice it's still freezing outside, being homeless really isn't an option." He was staring at me from his strange angle with his head propped up on all the pillows, he didn't even wait for me to finish speaking before he jumped in. "You can move in with Rikku, you just won't and it makes no sense."
"I can't move in with her…" I mumbled, smoothing the sheet out under my hands rather than nervously picking at my nails. "You can Rox you're just choosing not to… is it because you don't want to ask? Because I'll ask for you, and you know she doesn't mind, she asks you every day if you want to move in, just say yes for once." Shaking my head the entire time he was speaking was the only way I could think of getting him to hurry up and stop talking so I could start but now I didn't really want to say it. "Because… I don't…" I mumbled the rest hoping he wouldn't hear, "What?" he questioned, so I mumbled it again, "Rox, you know I can't hear you… just tell me," so I did, very unceremoniously.
"Because I don't want to leave my mother," my voice was a little on edge, "Rikku said she'd take custody of me away from her, I don't want to kick her out of my life." Axel was slowly nodding but he wasn't looking at me anymore. He took a deep breath and slowly spoke, "You still have that phone I gave you?" nodding my head he continued, "Alright… when do you plan on going back?" "Probably tonight… I don't' want to wait too long…" he nodded his head again and stood up, I looked at him questioningly and waved me to follow him, "Let's get something to eat," I crawled off the bed and found his hoodie laying on the floor, mine wasn't in easy sight so I just slipped his on, zipping it up as I followed him out of his room.
Axel scavenged in the fridge and cupboards for a few minutes while I sat at the table, messing with the zipper of the hoodie, he finally found something but then decided against it. "Hold on," he questioned and when I nodded he left the room, he came back a few minutes later with a smile on his face, "Foods taken care of," I raised an eyebrow but he didn't tell me what he meant and he didn't tell me where said food was. "Wanna play a card game?" slowly I nodded my head.
Card games, I'm assuming, started to get listed off and I just kept shaking my head when Axel asked if I knew them, "I've never really played cards Axel… I mean, the most I've played is old maid and gold fish," he smiled and said, "I'll teach you a new one then," so I spent the next few minutes learning out to play 21, and then I found out I was a pro at it. I smiled in joy that Axel was losing so quickly, "Alright!" Axel scoped all the cards into his hands, "New card game, ever play Rummy?" shaking my head he began to teach me that game too. And when we played it we learned that I was also an expert at that card game, "I'm not even going to teach you Texas Hold 'Em, you'll probably kick my ass in that too," I couldn't stop smiling even though Axel was trying to act upset about losing, even though I could tell he wasn't really.
And then there was a knock on the door and I tensed up, what if it was Xemnas? What if he had followed Axel and I at some point and learned where Axel lived, Axel was lucky he didn't get in trouble for the fight the other day. But that's only because his foster mom didn't know about it, but if Xemnas was here then would I have to go with him? I mean, he's not related to me and I don't like him, so I have the right to just stay here, right? But what if he's just here to pick a fight with Axel, or to cause more problems? Axel was quick to get up and go to the door, meanwhile I tried to think of everything I could say or do that might help Axel if it was Xemnas, and then Axel walked back in a few seconds later with a box in hand.
Tipping my head to the side in question he answered, "Pizza," he smiled and I felt so stupid, paranoid really, he grabbed some plates out of the cupboard and sat them down next to the pizza box that sat on the corner, "Come get some pizza," he held out a plate for me and I quickly walked over, not wanting to wait for Axel's foster brother and his foster mom to come get their pizza too. I know it's probably the first time I've mentioned Axel's foster brother but he's not knew. Demyx, Axel's foster brother, actually goes to the same school as us, he was taken in when Axel was away for those three months, and he's actually the same age as Axel. We talk sometimes in school, but out of the two Axel's my favorite therefore he gets more of my time.
Demyx and their foster mom came and got some two before disappearing somewhere or another, and after Axel and I finished eating we joined Demyx in the living room to watch movies, when it started getting dark outside I decided I should go back. Changing my clothes before I left so Axel could have them back made walking outside even colder because the clothes weren't heated with my body heat, "Are you sure about this?" he asked me as we approached the apartment, I nodded my head, not really trusting to speak from both my uncertainty and the cold. "I'll see you in school?" he asked and I quickly nodded, that was right, I forgot all about school- on said note, it was Monday and we didn't go, but hey- who really cares? Rikku never even messaged me so she must have been fine with me not coming over to watch Ventus.
Walking up the stairs I froze at the top, pulling on the strap of my backpack for a second before I moved my hand, I didn't know if I should knock or just walk in, so I slowly turned the knob, quickly and quietly making my way inside in hopes of not alerting anyone of my presence. "Hey- Roxas?" turning on my heel I saw my mother peaking around the corner from the kitchen; she didn't seem all that mad- till she moved so she could stand straight and still glare at me. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked and I tried to quickly come up with an answer but she cut me off, "No- I don't want to hear it, get the fuck out," she pointed in the direction of the door and I gaped at her, "What?" I questioned in my head, "You heard me," she started speaking again, "You decide to not show up the one time I ask you to and then you bring your friend over and start a fight with my boyfriend?" she was yelling now.
"I don't fucking think so!" she was still pointing, "Just because I'm your mother doesn't mean I'm going to baby you, you need to grow the fuck up Roxas because I really can't deal with your shit anymore," she stared at me still but I didn't move. She took a step towards me but I still didn't move, hoping she was being serious but she was, she opened the door and shoved me out, locking the door behind me. Slowly I walked down the steps, getting to the second to last one, it was way too cold for my liking even in the hallway let alone outside, I heard a door open and quickly looked up but it wasn't our apartment door, it was the downstairs neighbor who shared our stair door, "Roxas?"
She asked, she was the one my mother got the plastic plates and bowls from and the one my mother sent me to mooch stuff off from, she was actually really nice. "Oh… hi Tifa," I said carefully, forcing my tone to be that of a child who didn't just get kicked out, "Are you alright?" she asked anyway, I quickly nodded my head, "Yeah, I'm just fine…" she seemed a little skeptical so I added, "I'm just waiting for someone to show up," she nodded her head and I really prayed she didn't ask who because I wouldn't be able to give her any names.
Whenever Tifa was outside or her door was open, like when she was unloading groceries, she would always stop and ask me how I was. Obviously she could hear a lot of what happened upstairs but I guess the floor muffled out a lot of it, but she was still concerned, I told her I was a klutz and that my mother had a hearing problem- that's why she was always yelling. Tifa never really believed that either, but before she turned back into her place she told me if I needed anything to just knock, I smiled and she bid me a goodnight.
I leaned back, feeling more tired than ever as the time ticked by, I rested my head against my folded arms and soon dozed off, my phone had been my alarm clock for school since I broke my clock but the more I thought about it the more I decided- if my mother let me back in then I definitely wasn't going back school.
Sleep was anything but deep because I was too cold to stay asleep for too long , and then I felt something brushing the hair off my face, and then I heard a voice, "Roxas, wake up," that wasn't a voice I really wanted to hear when I was alone and half asleep. Sitting up a little, my body hurting from the hard stairs, I rubbed my eyes and looked up just to make sure it was who I thought it was- and of course it was, Xemnas grabbed under my arm and hoisted me to my feet, turning me and practically carrying me up the stairs, he pulled out a key and pushed me towards my room once the door was open.
I didn't bother taking my shoes off, as soon as I could I collapsed on my bed and pulled the blanket over me to at least cover my midsection and then I was out, there was no way in hell I was going to school today, I didn't even know what time it was but I really didn't care. After what felt like hours- but still not enough, of sleep my phone started buzzing, pulling it out of my pocket while still half asleep, I flipped it open and saw that I had a text from Axel. "Are you coming to school?" he asked, I really didn't want to tell him I spent most of the night trying to sleep on cold ass stairs so I just typed a quick response, "No, I'm still really tired…" he texted back that he wanted me to text him when I woke up and then I was out.
Shouting was what woke me up, I listened at first, hearing my mother yelling, "Why the hell would you let him back in here after I kicked him out?" she shouted and Xemnas shouted back, "You act like he had somewhere else to go! You kicked your 17 year old son out to the streets in the middle of fucking winter! What would you have done if he went to Rikku? Huh?" My mother stuttered a response but Xemnas' voice over powered hers, "You would've fucking lost him! And then you would've been shit out of luck! You're lucky he stayed on the stairs- you need to get shit through your head and get your fucking act together!" there was more to the argument but I stopped paying attention. I could hear my mother continuing to shout and Xemnas shout even louder, but I was quick to go back to sleep.
A brief thought running through my mind- Xemnas hadn't actually touched me before I called Rikku… and then after I told her and she went away Xemnas was actually touching me… when I tried to tell my mother it was like it got worse… so what was he going to do now when he knows I told Axel? It couldn't really get much worse I guess. Xemnas was fucked in the head but he wasn't a rapist or something, right? I didn't dwell on it too much longer because sleep was pulling me back, I put my phone under my pillow and quickly fell back asleep.
Something was rubbing my cheek, slowly pulling me from dreamland, "Huh?" I had been sleeping on my side so when I realized what was rubbing my cheek came from behind me I turned a bit and saw Xemnas sitting next to me on my bed. His hand now resting back on his lap, "Bout time you woke up," he had an impatient sound in his voice but it quickly turned into a half smirk, "Enjoy your beauty sleep," I really prayed this wouldn't get any worse.
So I could've uploaded this at around 6 this morning but I decided to add a little more to it instead... I've decided how I'm going to upload the chapters- it might be daily, it might be weekly, I'm going to upload a new chapter based on a certain number of views (a number I picked). Just to make sure some of you guys have actually had time to read the chapter, you know?
And since this story is drawing close to an end- *gasp* I know, it doesn't quite seem like it yet, but it's pretty close (dun-dun-dunnnn)- I'd figured I'd post a preview for the next story I'm going to type. If you read my "I Tried So Hard," story then you've seen it before, if you haven't then it'll be new to you :3. It's Axel and Roxas again, but it'll be split between the two's Point of View for each chapter- sometimes multiple times, so for this preview (the same as the other's- plus another paragraph) I'll show only the prologue in Roxas' POV, k?
Cigarette Burns:
I was singing quietly to myself, "No one knows what it's like… to be the bad man… to be the sad man… behind blue eyes…," I rolled over on the heated carpet so I was now lying flat on my back- staring at the yellowish white ceiling, "And no one knows what it's like to be hated… to be fated- to telling only lies," My voice stopped as I heard the door being unlocked, I tipped my head back slowly, my blond hair rubbing against the dirt (maybe it wasn't actually dirt- just dark brown and short) carpet in a way I was sure would cause friction and be a very useless weapon upon the imposing intruder. But as the door opened I saw a silver haired man poke his head in, "Damn…" I said quietly as he walked in and shut the door behind him.
"And here I thought I could use my newly discovered weapon of mass destruction in a fight for my life… way to ruin it Riku," he knew I was joking even though I wasn't smiling, I hadn't moved- I was a very lazy person and this was not news to him. He didn't humor me with a smile like he normally did, "What're you doing Roxas?" he didn't seem very happy at all, I stopped craning my head back and continued to stare at the ceiling, not gracing him with a response, I hated talking to him when he was grumpy and he knew it- and I wasn't his boyfriend so I didn't have to put up with it. He sighed and walked over to the long pale yellow couch that was beside me- it's luring and comfy cushions and arm rests made up for its ugly color and empty stomach, "Roxas…" he was doing something but I still didn't bother to answer him- he was annoyed, not at me, but I still wanted nothing to do with it.
I have my own emotions to deal with, I don't like dealing with other's also- I'm selfish like that, "Did you know," I started, but he cut me off, "Roxas- no more facts," "that," "Let's get going, you're not staying up here by yourself any longer," He leaned down and grabbed hold of my upper arm and hauled me to my feet- all I did was act like dead weight and make it even harder for him to move me, "Me and the carpet are getting further acquainted though," "You and the carpet don't need to get any closer," I looked at the ugly couch, "What if I make friends with the couch?" Riku let go of my arm, but my feet were still dead so I fell back to the ground, quickly folding my legs and crossing my arms- looking much like a child throwing a tantrum.
"Roxas… I have to get back downstairs," "Then go," "You're not staying up here- you think I haven't caught on to how you act- I leave you up here by yourself for a few hours and you turn into a depressed- 'kill me now' mess and I'm in no mood to have that on my mind," He made it sound like I stayed up here all the time by myself- I only did it maybe a few times a month, nothing serious- and hell, it was my house too, I kept my arms crossed- his little tone hadn't slipped by my ears, "Don't get snippy with me just because you're grumpy…" he fell back onto the opposing couch and took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I know… I'm just worried about deadlines…" "That's what you get for thinking you can run a bar and strip club when you're only 21," of course I never said that because it would just make things worse but that doesn't stop me from thinking it. We sat in silence for a while, I laid down slowly hoping he wouldn't notice but of course he did, "You're going to bring me into a depression with you if I stay up here any longer," I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking around the flat. It was our shared apartment- one bedroom, one bath, the dining room and kitchen were one small room all together while the living room was a long rectangle, and there was hardly anything in the space to show that someone even lived here. All above the place- the bar/ strip club, he decided to run.
"Come on…" he stood up again and offered me his hand but I didn't take it, "I'm comfy though… and it's too much work to sit up…" he took his hand back, "I don't see why you can't just sit on the couch like a normal person," I turned to glare at the couch, "I don't like it… it tried to eat me with its nasty yellow teeth," "Just because it's yellow it has yellow teeth?" Riku tried to argue but stopped himself, "Why the fuck does the couch have teeth?" he asked himself instead, feeling stupid for listening to what I was saying- we often went through this scenario. I was dragged to my feet and moved out the door to a set of dark red carpet covered stairs that went down from the side of the door only to turn almost 10 steps again so you couldn't see where the red tongue spit you out.
"Stay down here till we close- start waiting some tables and work off some of that money you owe," "What," I started, "You always owe someone money Roxas," he continued to walk down the stairs, I tried to open the door but he locked it and I was that one stupid kid who had a key but always left it inside because I never really cared. I just got off my shift- which is why I retreated back to the apartment, I was tired of dealing with people today- so I sat on the steps and thought. I could settle for the stairs sinking me into my depression- it didn't have to be on the living room floor, I wasn't that picky. Resting my chin on my palm and my elbow on my knee I listened to the vibrations that spread up the house from the bar below. My hearing was still intact even though I grew up in bars like this- with the concert loud music, the half-naked women and- on special select nights- men, the shouting from drunken fools- it was a sickening and tiring way to spend the rest of my life, wasn't it?
The tongue was going to leave a wet spot on my butt if I sat on it any longer- I lied to myself, standing up I stretched my hands above my head to hear my back and shoulders crack a few good times. Stepping forward my body raced down the steps out of control before I fell on my butt not even five steps down- the shaggy carpet hated my shoes; hated me, almost every time I tried to walk down the damn stairs tripped me. Standing on my feet I continued down the stairs- my hands flat and gliding down the walls with me till I reached the corner- "Money's always good," I thought before I continued to walk through the back of the bar/strip club, whoever decided to mix the two was brilliant I tell you.
So that's be the preview.