Summary: Sometimes small annoyances can overshadow the reason people fell in love in the first place. Sasuke slowly realizes that he might have let something irreplaceable slip away without a fight. Not a cheating fic! YAOI (boy x boy) main pairing: SasuNaruSasu, some SasuNeji, some GaaNaruGaa, Naruto x other

PLEASE READ! This is only the first half of the final chapter, despite being over 8k words long. I had wanted the final chapter to be sort of an avalanche of things (which I won't spoil by listing here), but I realized the full chapter is probably going to be like 20 k. I put a poll up on my website, and people voted to have the first half now (since it was ready) and read the second part later rather than having 1 huge things, though a lot of readers also said they wanted to wait to get the full effect of it as I had originally wanted it to play out. If you want to get the 'total inundation' feel, then you can wait for the second half (which will be in probably 2 weeks). Everyone else can go ahead and read this as is LOL. I just hate to keep back something that is already written, so I am posting it.

A/N - Thank you to Niomalia and Annairea for reading through/beta'ing parts of this for me!

Chapter 26 - The grey zone between friends and lovers - PART ONE

Naruto grinned over his shoulder at Sasuke, his blue eyes electric with excitement. Sasuke tried not to notice the way the leg loops in the climbing harness looked like they were basically cupping Naruto's ass as he rappelled down from the practice wall at the gym.

"Check it out, Sasuke! I can totally use the figure eight belay. We don't need the assisted braking ones. Unless you're too scared to go old school," Naruto laughed as he landed right in front of Sasuke.

"I beat you down by almost fifteen seconds, didn't I?" Sasuke asked, rolling his eyes as they both caught their breaths. Sasuke pushed his hair back from where it was sticking to his face. Naruto's gaze seemed to catch at the motion, then Naruto jerked his gaze away to look over at the other types of climbing equipment they were testing out.

"Well, we have some time to get used to whatever style we want to go with," Naruto said, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. Sasuke's eyes skimmed over the tan, hard stomach, and he tried not to think about how it would feel beneath his fingertips. "It sucks that it will be a while before the weather is good enough for us to try our first serious climb, though."

"Hn," Sasuke said, flexing his fingers and looking away. Over the past three weeks of climbing twice a week at the gym with Naruto, his fingers had finally stopped aching, though he could still feel it in his shoulders after a climbing session. "We still need to start with smaller climbs to get used to setting the anchors."

Naruto sighed as he stretched one arm across his chest, pulling it with the other to increase the stretch. "Weren't you the one who said you wanted to try free solo climbing?"

"Eventually," Sasuke said. "I'm not dumb enough to go without a rope before I know what the fuck I'm doing." Sasuke arched a brow over at Naruto. "Just like I'm not dumb enough to climb a mountain before I know how to set anchor points in something other than a gym wall."

"I still think we could do it," Naruto turned toward the free climbing wall. "You barely had to look at the gear to figure out how it all worked and what the most stable configurations were. My guess is you'll have the rest of it down in about five minutes. We just need to actually get in shape enough between now and then." Naruto flashed Sasuke another grin. "Especially since you've been spending the last few years chained to your desk and gettin' soft."

Sasuke shot Naruto a glare, ignoring the possible innuendo in the words. "Like I said. I beat you down last time."

Naruto jumped up onto the wall, tan fingers gripping the curved, plastic finger holds as he began to nimbly pull himself up the wall. "Only because it took me longer to figure out the figure eight thing. I was used to the tubular one! But I'm gonna kick your ass on the solo wall."

Sasuke stood for a moment, watching the way the tight-fitting rock-climbing shirt pulled across the muscles on Naruto's back. It was pretty obvious that Naruto hadn't spent the last six months at a desk. He'd been hauling around heavy equipment, and it showed. Naruto reached overhead to the next fingerhold, and Sasuke could see the intricate markings of Naruto's tattoo peeking out from the sleeve of his shirt, reminding Sasuke why he always took his showers back at his apartment. He was hanging on to the 'just friends' thing by a thread as it was. Seeing Naruto shirtless was not something he was ready to handle.

Naruto glanced down at him. "Don't tell me you're wussing out already."

Sasuke scowled as he grabbed the fingerholds and pulled himself onto the wall. He watched Naruto ascending before him. Naruto might be able to beat him here, but he always slowed down at the technical part of the wall where it curved overhead. Sasuke would try to catch him there.

"Just don't get in my way, dumb-ass."

The sound of Naruto chuckling floated down from over his head, and Sasuke mentally repeated the mantra of 'just friends' as he began his climb.

Sasuke threw his sweaty climbing clothes into the hamper, then stepped into the shower. He let out a low groan as the water hit his skin. He honestly didn't know if deciding to learn rock climbing with Naruto was his best idea, or his worst. The past three weeks had been great, on one level. They would go climbing together twice a week, and had dinner together several times if Sasuke finished early and Naruto was in town.

Naruto had told him all about his latest project, a Japanese spin-off of the "Humans of New York" blog and photo book that had been so amazingly successful. Naruto would travel to different cities in Japan, capturing candid photos of the people who lived there in their daily routines. Every time they went to dinner, Naruto had some story to tell about someone he'd met and photographed. They covered all ages, all levels of society. Some stories were funny, some sad. Sasuke would often catch himself in the middle of the day, his lips curving up in memory of some ridiculous comment Naruto had made. He felt better than he had in months. Maybe even years. He had more energy, he was relaxed, and actually getting decent sleep. Suigetsu and Karin had starting insisting on finding out who he was hooking up with that was putting him in such a good mood so they could 'send whoever it was a fucking fruit basket for finally getting the stick out of Sasuke's ass.'

Which brought Sasuke to the downside of his current situation.

Sasuke was very definitely not having sex. And he had never been so sexually frustrated in his entire life.

Normally, it wasn't really an issue. Before Naruto, Sasuke hadn't really been that into sex. It was fine, but it was not something that kept him up at night. He could take it or leave it. And it wasn't like he wasn't enjoying Naruto's company in a platonic way but it was making him crazy that he kept running into all these walls that hadn't been there before.

Naruto would give him that fucking grin of his, those stupid blue eyes all lit up and focused on him and Sasuke's hands would start to sweat. Naruto would make some joke, some jab at Sasuke, and Sasuke's fingers would itch to thread themselves through Naruto's hair so he could lick his way into that mouth that had always driven him crazy.

Sasuke slid a soapy hand lower, closing his eyes and wishing he could go back a year and fix things before they'd gotten to this point. Or even just to go back a few months, before Naruto had met Gaara.

Naruto looked over to where Shikamaru and Gaara were both staring intently at the Shogi board sitting on the table between them. He was torn between being amused and being annoyed that they both insisted that he be there to watch them play, despite Naruto having only the barest grasp of the game at this level. He enjoyed their company and was happy to play host, but it didn't escape him that they were basically using him as a chaperone, though he knew that neither man would act on their attraction to the other while Naruto was still involved with Gaara.

He had known that they would hit it off, and he was still trying to work out exactly how he felt about it. He was a little surprised at the fact that he wasn't actually upset by it. When he had been dating Sasuke, the idea of Sasuke being interested in anyone else would have sent him over the edge. Luckily - at least until near the end - Sasuke had never shown even the slightest interest in anyone else.

Shikamaru had a much more open mind when it came to relationships than Naruto did, and he found Gaara's perspective on them to be interesting. Naruto had slowly been coming to the realization that he was not was definitely not that flexible. He needed… more. And he knew that Gaara wasn't someone who could give it to him.

He found himself more and more thinking about what Gaara's relationships with his other lovers were like, whether Gaara compared him to them, which ones he preferred. Naruto didn't even know for sure that Gaara was seeing other people, or how many he was sleeping with. It could be one. It could be ten. But Naruto was afraid to ask, because he didn't really know how he would react once he knew the answer. He didn't want to ruin his friendship with Gaara, but it was becoming increasingly clear that - if they continued as lovers - things wouldn't end well. Naruto would end up getting hurt, or lashing out at Gaara out of jealousy.

He looked up to find Gaara's eyes on him.

"You ok?" Gaara asked.

Naruto nodded, trying to snap himself out of the dark feelings. He glanced at the Shogi board. He wasn't the best at gauging the progress, but it looked like there was still at least an hour of play ahead of the two men.

"Yeah. I might just take a walk for a bit. Looks like you two have a while left with this."

Gaara and Shikamaru exchanged a brief look that Naruto couldn't quite read. Gaara stood and walked over to Naruto.

"I'll come with you. Shikamaru and I can finish up some other time."

Naruto didn't really want to say he wanted some time alone to clear his head. He only got to see Gaara a day or so a week, and he didn't want to be a jerk, but he couldn't seem to get his head straight. "Don't worry about it. You two can finish your game," Naruto said lightly.

Gaara shot him a level look that basically called bullshit on Naruto's act that this was just some casual walk. Naruto sighed and walked over to put on his shoes, knowing Gaara would follow.

"I'll get some coffee going for when you get back," Shikamaru said, leaning back on the chair he'd been sitting in.

. . . . .

Naruto and Gaara walked down the street in silence, feeling the brisk winter wind cutting against their cheeks. It was one of the things Naruto liked best about Gaara. He wasn't uncomfortable with silence, letting Naruto have time to find his words. One of the things Gaara had in common with Sasuke, though that mental comparison had Naruto's shoulders hunching in discomfort.

"I don't mind you spending time with Shika," Naruto said after a while.

Gaara's steps slowed, and he turned to face Naruto, a thin brow arched.

Naruto shrugged. "I just mean that you didn't have to quit the game to come with me. It wasn't bothering me that you two get along."

They had stopped walking, the cars rushing past on the street.

"You're upset, though," Gaara stated.

Naruto shrugged, frustrated with himself for his own emotions.

"I don't know. I don't know what I am right now."

Gaara tilted his head to the side, looking at Naruto intently. "I think you do."

Naruto felt his stomach tense. He had known this moment would come since before he ever even slept with Gaara. But he wasn't sure he was ready for it, no matter how much warning he had.

"Your friendship is important to me," Gaara said.

Naruto nodded, feeling a small crack in the icy shell of anxiety that had formed around him when Gaara had stopped walking. "I… me, too. Gaara, I just…," Naruto stalled, not sure what he even wanted to say.

Gaara's gaze met his unwavering. "Your friendship is more important than the other things between us. If I had to choose, I would choose friendship."

Naruto bit his lip. "Are you choosing?"

"I don't want to hurt you, Naruto. You need to tell me if it's time to choose."

Naruto turned to look over at the intersection, the cars rushing by in a steady stream of the whir of engines, the foggy puffs of the hot exhaust hitting the cold air.

"I like you. But it's hard for me to be in an open relationship," Naruto admitted.

They stood there in silence together, the overlapping circles of light from the streetlights glinting off the zippers of their jackets.

"I want to ask you something that I know I don't have the right to ask," Naruto said, still not looking at Gaara.

"I'll answer," Gaara replied simply.

"Have you slept with other people since we've started dating?" Naruto asked.

Gaara looked at him a moment, waiting for Naruto to meet his gaze. Naruto could tell that Gaara was debating something internally, but finally he answered. "Yes."

Naruto nodded, feeling his chest tighten. It was not a surprise. He'd known it. Gaara had basically told him he had. "I haven't."

"I know," Gaara said softly. There was a trace of regret in Gaara's voice that Naruto didn't really understand.

He felt his eyes burn slightly, and he blinked them rapidly. He'd known it would end this way. He knew himself well enough that - once he heard it said out loud - that part of their relationship would have to end. In asking the question, he'd been the one to end it. But Gaara was right. If it went on much longer, their friendship wouldn't be salvageable.

"I don't want to lose your friendship," Gaara said with quiet intensity.

Naruto blew out a short, sharp breath, watching the mist crystalize in the air. He nodded. "Ok. I… don't want that either. But I think I'm getting too… attached with the other stuff."

"Then we'll stop it. And just be friends," Gaara stated simply, though his eyes looked sad and almost wistful.

Naruto gave him a small smile, hoping it was genuine enough to put Gaara at ease. He wondered why he wasn't able to hold onto a relationship that went beyond friendship... why he always seemed to need too much. He was glad he had to leave the following day to Tokyo. Maybe throwing himself into work would give him time to get a handle on things.

"Let's head back. I'm freezing my nuts off out here," Naruto said, turning to walk back to his apartment.

He missed the look of quiet longing that Gaara sent his way before following after him. If Naruto had asked Gaara how many lovers he had since they'd been together, he might have been surprised at the answer. But in the end, Gaara knew it would still have ended the same way, so he held his peace and followed.

Naruto walked through the streets of Tokyo, camera in hand, scanning the streets and shops. This latest project was maybe his favorite. He loved watching people, all their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. He loved to try to capture some essence of them on camera, some element of humanity or culture that could be captured and frozen in time. Brandon Stanton's idea had been genius, and Naruto had been ecstatic when Jiraiya had asked him to do a Japanese version of Humans of New York.

A flash of red caught Naruto's eye, and he looked down a side street to see a child of around six standing on his tippy-toes looking into a sweets shop. His little fingers and nose were pressed up against the glass, and Naruto's camera immediately captured the moment, the feel of anticipation as the holidays were coming and New Year's treats were starting to appear in the shops.

Naruto walked towards the child, looking around for the mother or father to get permission to use the child's photo in his collection. The street was filled with shoppers on a mid-Saturday morning, but none were pausing near the child. Naruto frowned as he drew closer, noticing the tattered look of the child's coat. Up close, Naruto could tell the boy was probably closer to eight or nine, but small for his age, making him appear younger.

Sensing his approach, the boy turned to look at Naruto with eyes far too wary to belong to a child of such tender years. Though the eyes were brown instead of blue, Naruto instantly recognized the guarded look in their depths, having seen the same look in his mirror every morning as a child.

The swelling bruise on the child's cheekbone hadn't been visible when the child was in profile, but now that they were face-to-face, there was no avoiding it. The boy noted the direction of Naruto's gaze, and the child's chin jutted out stubbornly, as though daring Naruto to say something about it.

"Hey," Naruto said, crouching down so he was eye-to-eye with the boy. "My name's Naruto."

He was careful to make no move to get within touching distance of the child. The boy watched him carefully, but didn't reply.

"Those look good," Naruto stated, moving away from to look through the same glass they boy had been, earlier.

"Yeah," the boy said tentatively. "But the shop is really expensive. You shouldn't stay out here too long, or the man will come and yell."

"Hm," Naruto murmured. "There was a place where I grew up that made awesome sweets, but the guy always yelled at me, too. But it was still better than hanging out at home, sometimes."

The boy slanted a glance at him, then went back to looking at the sweets on display in the shop. After a few minutes, the boy said, "Yeah. Sometimes home sucks."

Naruto nodded, still looking through the window, though he was focusing on the boy's reflection rather than what was inside the shop. He knew not to push. From the reflection, he could see an older, yellowing bruise on the boy's jaw. It made his stomach twist.

"You go to school near here?" Naruto asked. Teachers were better trained now to look for signs. He hoped the boy had someone looking out for him.

"Sometimes," the boy said, looking away.

"Yeah. I know how that goes." Some of Naruto's foster parents would keep him home when they had screwed up and left bruises where they would show. He could feel the impotent anger building up in him again, all the years he'd spent trying to forget how it felt to be utterly helpless and alone washed away by this encounter.

The boy had turned to fully face him now, dark eyes looking at Naruto intently. "Did it get better?"

The desperation in the young voice made Naruto's throat close, but he met the boy's gaze steadily. "Yeah. It was… rough… for a while. But I got older. I got a job so I don't need to be with any of them anymore."

"Your job is taking pictures?" the boy asked, nodding at Naruto's camera.

"Yep. Best job ever. Mostly, I'm my own boss." Naruto smiled.

"Lucky," the boy muttered. "And you're not alone anymore?"

The question caught Naruto off guard, and his smile faltered. "I have good friends." Though the truth was, he was still alone. Still unable to build anything that lasted, any sort of family of his own. First with Sasuke, then with Gaara. He forced a grin, not wanting to display the turmoil that was going on inside him.

"How about this," Naruto said. "Let's go in there and buy some dango together. We'll eat it right in his shop and show this guy that kids like us can make it on our own just fine."

The child looked at Naruto assessingly for a moment, then shrugged. Naruto took that for the agreement it likely was, and opened the door to the small shop. The clerk's eyes narrowed at him, but softened when they landed on the boy. Naruto wondered if maybe the man wasn't as impatient with the boy as the child seemed to think.

They ordered and sat down with their food. The boy didn't offer his name and Naruto knew better than to ask it. But when he left, he handed the boy his card with his cell on the back.

"If things get bad, and you need help, you can call me." Naruto didn't really know if he'd be able to do anything, but right now, the most important thing was that the boy didn't feel alone. That someone on the face of the earth actually gave a damn about him. The kid nodded, clutching the card tightly in his small hand before slipping it into the pocket of the tattered coat and heading back out into the winter night with a cup of hot cocoa that Naruto had given him.

Naruto watched him until he disappeared from sight, emotions storming through him.

Naruto barely remembered getting on the bullet train from Tokyo to head back home. His mind kept seeing the face of the child, every memory that Naruto had fought so hard to suppress from his own childhood flooding through him.

Things he never wanted to think about again. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, hoping to block them out. He didn't know how to handle it.

He needed something that would distract him from it all, but there was no one waiting for him back in his empty apartment. A few days ago, he would have called Gaara, but he couldn't deal with the fact that they'd basically broken up (even though they hadn't actually been dating, in some ways). Sasuke was the only person Naruto had ever really talked to about these things, but… things were just getting settled with their friendship. He hadn't talked to Sasuke since he broke up with Gaara, and he felt like such a mess at that moment. He didn't want Sasuke to have to see him like this.

He pulled out his phone and called Kiba. Maybe they could get together and just hang out. Or get hammered. Kiba wouldn't understand, but he would be a distraction, and right now that's what Naruto needed most. The phone went to voicemail, and Naruto got a text back instead.

Working tnight. Clinic is crazy. ttyl?

Naruto knew that he could text Kiba back and say he needed to see him, but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want his shitty past causing anyone any more problems than it already had.

'So you're not alone anymore?' the boy had asked.

Naruto's jaw clenched on the innocent question. He remembered the almost desperate wish as a child to just finally be somewhere he was actually wanted. Once he got to high school, and then the first semester in college, Naruto had discovered it was easy enough to temporarily stave off the feeling of no one wanting him. He sighed, wishing he had grown out of this need to not be alone.

He would never stay in a relationship just to avoid being lonely, but sometimes he wondered if he made the right choices. He could have stayed as one of Gaara's lovers. He could have stayed as Sasuke's unwanted boyfriend.

Except that he couldn't. He wouldn't settle. If it wasn't real, then it was worthless.

Naruto closed his eyes, trying to shut his brain off as he waited for the train to deliver him to his destination.

He just needed to go out. He needed to not be alone, not thinking of things that had to stay buried.

Sasuke glanced at his watch, his brows creasing in slight annoyance. Naruto was supposed to have been there ten minutes ago for their climbing lesson. They'd both had work conflicts come up that had made them have to cancel with short notice sometimes, but they'd always called or at least texted to give the other the heads up.

He pulled out his phone and shot off a quick text.

It's 9:10. Where are you?

"You still want to do the free climb technique today?" the instructor asked.

"Yes," Sasuke said, his voice clipped. He wasn't going to waste the lesson just because Naruto didn't show up.

Sasuke had finished with the instructor and was practicing on his own when Naruto finally showed up, out of breath.

"Hey, Sasuke! I am so sorry. I forgot to set my alarm last night."

Sasuke was up nearly to the top of the wall when he heard Naruto's voice coming from below him, so he just shot a quick glare in the man's general direction before making his way down. He had been climbing for almost forty-five minutes, and he was definitely feeling the burn in his back and arms.

"It's not like we were meeting at seven in the morning." Sasuke dropped down to the mat, turning to face Naruto. The reason for Naruto's lateness was made clear by his blood-shot eyes and obvious bed-head. Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Rough night?" It was unusual for Naruto to drink to excess. He usually only did so either to celebrate or when something was really wrong.

Naruto sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. "Yeah. I guess. I'm really sorry. Your text woke me up, and then traffic was bad."

Sasuke noticed a set of scratch-marks that started up at the base of Naruto's neck and disappeared down the back of his T-shirt and he felt his jaw clench. It was the first time since their meeting in the cafe that any of Naruto's 'extracurricular' activities had been shoved in his face. He'd been going through the past few weeks trying very hard not to think too much about Naruto and Gaara, but there was no avoiding the obvious evidence now. He turned away, reaching into his climbing bag to chalk his hands. "You didn't need to rush down. You obviously had company."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Naruto flinch, red tinging his cheeks. "Not really. I… um… left last night sometime." Naruto shifted, obviously embarrassed.

Sasuke turned, his eyes raking over Naruto's clearly hung-over form, anger flooding through him. "Gaara doesn't even live in town, and you're obviously hung over. Were you really dumb enough to drive all the way home in that condition last night?"

Naruto's eyebrows went up, then he looked away. "No! I didn't drive last night. I'm not that stupid." Naruto rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "And Gaara and me… um… we decided a couple of days ago that things, uh, weren't working."

Wait, what? Sasuke stilled. They hadn't talked about Gaara much, but when they did, it had been clear Naruto liked and admired the man. That had been the whole reason Sasuke had been careful to keep all his actions strictly platonic. He wasn't going to try to seduce Naruto away from someone who was good for him. So what the fuck had happened, and who the fuck had Naruto had sex with the night before?

Sasuke took in Naruto's general state of embarrassment and discomfort. One night stand, then. Sasuke fought to keep his face neutral, but he couldn't deny how much it bothered him that Naruto had gone out and found some random person instead of calling him. "So you were just…"

Naruto looked even more embarrassed. "I had a shitty day. I went out to a bar and… we ended up back at her place." Naruto glanced up at him. "But we walked. I took a cab home later and just passed out, I guess. I didn't drive anywhere until this morning."

Which explained why it took Naruto forty-five minutes from the time Sasuke texted him for him to get here. Sasuke tried not to think about Naruto in some random woman's bed. He looked at Naruto assessingly. His eyes had dark circles under them, and his body posture was rigid with embarrassment. But the expression in his eyes was haunted in a way that Sasuke had never seen before. The sharp edge of Sasuke's anger lessened slightly as concern slowly took its place. Naruto didn't need a jealous ex-lover right now. Naruto needed a friend. Sasuke drew a slow breath.

"She needs to cut her nails," Sasuke said dryly, leaning back against the wall.

Naruto blinked, then let out a surprised bark of laughter, his eyes finally returning to Sasuke. "Yeah. I guess. I honestly don't remember much about it," he grimaced.

"You look like shit. I'm guessing you didn't eat before coming here."

"No, I just showered and ran over."

Sasuke couldn't help the slight mental cringe at Naruto covered in some woman's scent, and was somehow relieved that Naruto had felt the need to shower before seeing him. He'd deal with the other things later. Right now, he needed to find out what had happened. And if he was going to have to pay the sex club owner an unpleasant visit. His eyes hardened at the thought.

"Let's go get you breakfast."

Naruto looked guiltily up at the climbing wall, then quickly glanced at Sasuke's climbing gear. "We still have half an hour of gym time. I'm fine. I can just -"

"Shut up and get your fucking bag," Sasuke said, though his tone was calm, almost gentle. "You're going to fall off the wall if you try to climb now. I don't want them to kick us out just because you can't hold your alcohol."

Naruto gave a small smile, his eyes tired. "I'd still kick your ass. But fine. I should probably go grab some food. You can finish the lesson, if you want. We paid for the time." Naruto's eyes flickered over Sasuke's sweat-soaked shirt. Sasuke could feel it clinging to his body uncomfortably.

Sasuke felt his concern grow at how fast Naruto acquiesced. Normally, Naruto would have dug his heels in, just to prove a point. Or - at the very least - gotten in a jab or two back at Sasuke.

"If you're willing to wait for me to grab a shower, I'll come with you."

Naruto bit his lip, looking uncertain. "I just… I'm probably pretty shitty company right now. I think I might just head home."

It twisted in Sasuke's gut that Naruto was this broken up about Gaara, but he knew the last thing Naruto needed was to be alone. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the entire reason for last night's events had been to avoid exactly that. Before they had started dating, Naruto had not been a stranger to the party or bar scene back in college. Sasuke had vaguely realized that it was Naruto's way of dealing with his shitty past, but it was different to see him doing the same thing now.

"Give me ten minutes." Sasuke began unfastening his harness.

"You're going to shower here? I thought you said public showers were gross."

Sasuke only shot Naruto a look and picked up his gear, heading to the men's locker rooms.

"Hey! You need soap, right?" Naruto tossed him his bottle of shower gel, which Sasuke easily caught with a downward swipe of his hand.

"Hn."

Sasuke had insisted in driving them to Naruto's place, telling Naruto he didn't still seem like he was in much shape for driving. Naruto hadn't put up much of a protest, a combination of his pounding head from the night before and guilt for standing Sasuke up for their climbing lesson. But as they parked and walked to the elevator of Naruto's building, Naruto wondered what the fuck he'd been thinking by inviting Sasuke back to his place.

Obviously, he hadn't been.

They had been meeting out at either the gym or at restaurants ever since the movie night at Sasuke's place. Naruto was vaguely relieved that he had gone to the woman's place rather than his own, so at least Sasuke wouldn't have to see the trail of clothes strewn along the floor or the chair they'd knocked over in her apartment. But he still felt uneasy about having Sasuke over when he was such a fucking mess. They were just getting back on solid ground as friends. The last thing Naruto wanted was for Sasuke to see him in freefall like this. He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. Why did he have to be so fucked up? He'd spent a lifetime pushing the memories of his childhood down, now it seemed like they were everywhere he looked.

He opened his eyes to find Sasuke looking at him. "What floor?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto wordlessly pushed the button with the number eight on it. "Sasuke, I really appreciate you coming over to… force feed me breakfast or whatever, but I'm fine."

Sasuke glanced up to where the elevator was counting up the floors as they passed. "You're not fine."

Naruto wished Sasuke was someone he could fool with an easy grin and raunchy joke, but Sasuke had learned to see through Naruto's shields long ago.

"Yeah. Ok, maybe I'm not fine, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it," Naruto hadn't meant the words to come out as harshly as they did, but Sasuke appeared unfazed.

"Growl at me all you want, Naruto, I'm not leaving." Sasuke slanted Naruto a glance as the elevator chimed, and the stepped out. "You could have called me last night, you know."

Naruto told himself repeatedly that Sasuke was not offering to have sex with him. He fumbled a little with the lock, feeling the weight of Sasuke's presence. No. Sasuke was just saying that - as a friend - if Naruto was upset, he should have called him.

"Yeah, I just… didn't want anyone to have to deal with it, I guess. I figured you'd have better things to do on a Saturday night than babysit my sorry ass." Naruto tried to play it off casually, but he knew Sasuke would see right through it.

The tension in Sasuke's jawline told Naruto he was right.

In the list of possible ways Naruto had fantasized (despite his best efforts NOT to) about getting Sasuke to come to his place, having it be because he was hungover and having a fucking breakdown was about negative two hundred fifty in the ranking. He supposed, if nothing else, this would make Sasuke feel better about their own break-up. Naruto was clearly a fucking mess. No wonder he couldn't make a relationship last.

He toed off his shoes, hoping Sasuke would not stay long. He'd already screwed up by being late that morning, so he didn't want to be an ass and kick Sasuke out, but he really wasn't up for company. His plan to bluff through their climbing session had obviously failed spectacularly, and he wasn't wanting to make it worse.

He noticed Sasuke glancing around his apartment, the numerous photos covering the walls, camera equipment on the shelves. He still didn't have much for furniture, something Sasuke surely noted but at least didn't comment on.

Sasuke walked to the kitchen, opening cupboard doors until he found the glasses and filling one with water before handing it to Naruto.

"Drink."

Naruto rolled his eyes, then winced at the motion. "Thanks."

"Is your stomach up to actual food?"

Naruto managed a weak grin. "Always."

It had been something he had discovered in college, his steel stomach able to handle pretty much anything he threw at it. The few times he and Sasuke had gotten wasted together, Sasuke was the one leaning over the toilet in the morning while Naruto ate his breakfast.

"Figures," Sasuke said, shooting him a glare.

Naruto snickered and drank the water, feeling slightly better. He didn't really know what to make of Sasuke coming back with him. He could feel Sasuke's eyes watching him.

"What happened?" Sasuke asked when Naruto had finished the water.

Naruto set the empty glass on the counter, watching the way a drop on the rim of the glass slid back down the inside wall. His mind played through images of the child, none of which - when described aloud - would make any sense as being a trigger for the mess he was right then. He looked up at Sasuke, trying to read the expression in the man's face.

There was no judgement. No pity. Sasuke looked tense, but nothing else. Despite everything that had happened between them, Naruto trusted him. He drew a slow breath, trying to think about how to explain what had happened. Why it mattered.

"There was this… kid. I was doing candid photos in Tokyo the last two days and…" Naruto paused trying to find a way to explain what he felt, but he noticed a look of surprise crossing Sasuke's face.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"I thought... you were upset because of Gaara," Sasuke said carefully.

Naruto gave a slightly bitter laugh. "Yeah, well it didn't really help, I suppose. But it was… not a surprise. Our relationship had always been more of a temporary thing, I think. I mean, we weren't exclusive or anything." He lifted one shoulder in a small gesture.

Sasuke's eyebrows rose, knowing full well that had never been the way Naruto had played the game. Naruto grimaced slightly.

"Yeah. Gaara doesn't believe in traditional relationships. It's a long story." Naruto sighed.

"So Gaara wasn't exclusive, but you were."

Naruto's lips twisted into a humorless smile. "You know me, always looking for things that aren't really there when it comes to relationships. I knew it was a bad idea but… anyway. We decided we needed to end things to salvage the friendship."

Sasuke's gaze sharpened at Naruto's words. "What do you mean, things that aren't really there?"

Naruto shrugged, laying down on the folded futon in the corner of the room and closing his eyes. He didn't want to talk about this now. He didn't want to talk about this ever.

"Can we talk about something else right now? I've got a killer fucking headache."

There was a heavy silence in the room, and Naruto knew that Sasuke didn't want to let it go. Naruto kept his eyes closed, hoping somehow the thin barrier of his eyelids would keep the discussion from happening. He felt scraped raw and wide open. He needed to be alone, or with strangers he could fool with a wink and a grin, who wouldn't dig beneath the surface.

"If Gaara wasn't willing to bend his rules for you, then he didn't deserve you."

Naruto opened his eyes briefly to see an intent expression on Sasuke's face that he didn't know how to read, but then Sasuke was turning and walking back to the kitchen. Naruto could hear the sounds of cupboard doors being opened and closed, water running, and the clang of a pot being set on the stove.

The smell of boiling rice eventually came wafting over to him, and he realized he must have fallen asleep briefly. It dawned on him that Sasuke was… trying to take care of him. When they had been together, it had usually been the other way around. Between Sasuke's asshole family and his high pressure job, he was usually the one needing comfort. Now the roles were reversed, and Naruto didn't know what to think about it. It wasn't really something he ever thought about Sasuke doing. Or wanting to do.

He looked up to see Sasuke reading in one of the few chairs Naruto had in his apartment.

"You didn't have to stay."

Sasuke looked up at him expressionlessly, then his eyes moved back down to his book.

"I thought you needed glasses for reading," Naruto commented, noticing that Sasuke's eyes were narrowed somewhat as he read.

"I thought I would be climbing, not reading," Sasuke said dryly.

Naruto pressed his lips closed, another spike of guilt and embarrassment shooting through him.

"Tell me about the boy you saw." Sasuke didn't look up from the book, but Naruto could tell his attention was completely focused on Naruto. The fact that he wasn't looking at him made it somewhat easier to answer. Naruto could almost pretend that he was talking to himself. He lay back on the futon, looking up at the ceiling.

"He was… looking in the window of a sweets shop. At first, I thought it was one of those classic childhood moments, you know?" The kind that he and Sasuke definitely hadn't had, but he didn't need to say that out loud. "A kid out shopping with his parents, excited for the holidays. He had his fingertips and nose pressed against the glass, looking in at the food inside."

Naruto broke off, swallowing. He shot a sidelong glance at Sasuke, but Sasuke continued to look down at his book. He hadn't turned the page, though, and the stillness of his body told Naruto he was still listening.

"I took some photos of him from about half a block away. Then I came to talk to his parents, to get permission to use them in my book. There's a, um, waiver, or whatever."

Sasuke looked up from his book, his eyes meeting Naruto's as slow comprehension dawned on him.

"When I got closer, I could see how beat up his clothes were. His jacket looked like it was on its third or fourth owner. When he turned to face me, his left eye was… was swelling up. But there were other, older bruises along his jawline."

Naruto stopped, and had to look away again.

"How old was he?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto shrugged. "From a distance, he looked like he was six or seven. But when I got closer, I'd say more like nine. Probably didn't get enough to eat." Naruto's voice was low and rough.

"What did you do?"

Naruto huffed out a hollow breath. "What the fuck could I do? If you're not a legal guardian or a teacher, no one takes you seriously. I talked to him a bit, bought him some food and gave him my number in case things get really bad. Living on the streets at that age is just…" Naruto forced himself to not think about the nights he had spent hiding from some of his 'less loving' foster homes. "I wanted him to have an option."

"Because you hadn't had any," Sasuke stated.

They sat in silence for a while.

"Did you get his name?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nah. I knew better than to ask. I was already some creepy old guy offering him sweets. I didn't want to freak him out even more." Naruto chewed his lip. "But I saw where he went where he left. I think I know which apartment building he lives in. It wasn't his first time hanging around outside that shop and usually kids that age stay closer to home."

Naruto would know.

Sasuke was silent for a few moments, watching the emotions play over Naruto's face. Finally, he spoke. "We could call Konan. She might know who is in charge in that district. She could help him."

Naruto breathed an empty laugh. "Those people never help. They just check the box on their little form that says they followed up on a complaint from a teacher or whatever, but they don't do shit. All it will do is get him in trouble with his family for bringing attention down on them."

"Is that what happened to you?" Sasuke asked, something in his voice making Naruto look up at him.

Naruto felt his body tense. "I don't want your fucking pity, Sasuke."

Sasuke closed his eyes briefly, then set his book down. "How did you feel when my parents had to be blackmailed into attending my graduation?"

Naruto looked away. "That's different."

"Really? How is that different? Because it was me?"

"Your parents are assholes. I was angry."

"Do you think for a single moment I don't want to go back and find every family you had and rip them apart with my bare hands?" The calm way in which the statement was delivered made the hair on Naruto's arms stand on end. There was absolutely no doubt in Naruto's mind that Sasuke was deadly serious. The idea that Sasuke felt that strongly about it baffled Naruto slightly, but it also sent an odd warmth through him. There was a possessive, protective look in Sasuke's eyes that had Naruto's skin tightening.

"But you felt more than just anger. You bent over backwards to try to make up for their actions. You always did."

"I never pitied you, Sasuke."

"And I'm not pitying you, either. I can't go back and change what happened to you. But if you want to try to help this boy, I can help you do it."

The idea of actually being able to finally make some sort of a difference, even just a small one…

"I don't know how to help," Naruto admitted, some of the frustration and hopelessness he'd felt earlier surging back up again, though it felt less lonely this time. But his own personal experience with the system had taught him that there was no help.

"Konan said that what happened to you should never have occurred. You had a shitty caseworker, Naruto. If someone else had been paying attention, they would have intervened. He would have been fired. Konan can find the right person to talk to. I can't promise it will fix things, but it's worth a shot."

Naruto held his gaze for several moments, then nodded. "Ok. Yeah, I'll talk to her."

The timer in the kitchen went off. Sasuke stood, shooting a glance over his shoulder. "Come eat. I'll call her and set something up."

Naruto dragged himself off the futon and followed Sasuke into the kitchen, grabbing two bowls as Sasuke took the rice porridge off the stove.

"Hey," Naruto said, his arm bumping lightly against Sasuke's. "Thanks."

Sasuke looked over at him, and Naruto felt his body freeze at the look in Sasuke's eyes, the way his gaze drifted to Naruto's mouth. It was the same look he'd seen that night so many years ago, when they'd sat in the bar after being paired on the shitty project together. The air between them seemed suddenly electric with tension, and Naruto became aware of just how close he was standing to Sasuke.

Sasuke cared for him. Maybe Naruto would never be the one Sasuke loved, but he was here, and he was close and Naruto just needed to feel something other than the emptiness he'd been feeling for the past day. Naruto slowly started to lean in, his eyes locked on Sasuke's.

But then Sasuke stepped back, his hands fisting briefly at his sides before they reached over to take one of the bowls and fill it with the rice. "Not like this," Sasuke muttered harshly. Naruto wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself.

"Eat. Then we're going grocery shopping. All you have for lunch is instant ramen, and I'm not eating that shit."

Naruto was still frozen from their almost-kiss. He had known Sasuke far too long to not recognize the look that had been blazing in those dark eyes up until he had pulled back.

It had definitely been desire. But then Sasuke had pulled away. Naruto watched Sasuke dish up the second bowl, wishing his brain was functioning properly because he wasn't sure what had just happened.

To be continued…

A/N: Ok, so… there is still another equally long second half of this chapter that I am still working on. My personal experience with life events is that things tend to happen all at once. So I wanted this 'final chapter' to feel sort of like an avalanche of shit all going down and changing at the same time, but having a single chapter be 20k long (which was where this was heading) just seemed like too much. Hoping to get the next part up within 2 weeks, but who knows. This first half went much faster than I expected, so maybe the next part will, too? idk.