The Iscariot Files:
Casting the First Stone Since
The stench of war filled Alucard's nostrils. The old castle was on fire, scientists were running and screaming and he had only shot his way through half of the ghouls and freaks. He stopped as a scientist in a white flaming coat ran towards him. Sticking his foot out, he tripped the scientist and shot him in the back of the head on his way down.
He was supposed to be letting them live so they could be captured and interrogated but he had been sent on so few missions as of late, he was determined to have some fun with the nasty little humans. It served them right for manufacturing sub-standard vampires.
Alucard's face lit up with a hideous grin when he saw the light of the fire glint off a pair of bayonets as they stuck out from behind a corner in the stone corridor he was standing in. It was just like invading a castle in the old days. The place was on fire, people were screaming and here was a gallant warrior come to face him. His favorite warrior no less, Alexander Anderson.
Alucard's disappointment was only exceeded by his confusion when Tohru Honda stepped into view. She looked tired above all things and was dressed in an ill-fitting overcoat along with priestly robes. The large cross dangling around her neck looked extremely out of place on her.
Slowly, she raised her bayonets into the sign of the cross. "We are God's representatives, agents of Divine Punishment…" she said wearily. "Our mission is to destroy…oh…how did the rest of it go?"
Tohru looked confused as her large eyes darted back and forth while she searched her memory. Alucard opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of what to say next any better than Tohru could.
A loud whisper with a pronounced Irish accent echoed through the corridor. "Down to the last bit those who would oppose our God," it said.
"O-oh, yeah," Tohru said, remembering. "Down to the last bit those who would oppose our God!" Tohru shouted as though to make up for forgetting. "Err…which God is that?" Tohru whispered out of the corner of her mouth.
There was loud grumbling from around the corridor and Alucard thought he heard the voice say "Oh just shut up and kill the vampire…you heathen." Tohru nodded, clearly unsure of herself.
"D-die vampire," she said meekly and began running at Alucard.
Alucard saw the very real danger that he might die from laughter. If you start, you'll never stop, so don't laugh. Not one bit, he thought as he punched through his lip with a fang. Pain didn't mean much to him, but it was better than nothing.
Alucard stood still as Tohru stopped in front him. She looked at her bayonets and then up at him. Slowly she placed the tip of a bayonet on his chest and closed her eyes. He felt the pressure from the tip a little, but clearly the girl's heart was not in this. Instantly Alucard knew she could no more stab someone than she could fly.
"Who are you?" Alucard asked, sounding bored.
"My name is Tohru," she said. "Tohru Honda…"
"And I take it you're supposed to be with Iscariot. The Catholic hit-men?"
Tohru was now just idly poking Alucard with the bayonet while the other hung limp at her side. "I guess so…" Tohru said. "I don't see why you're all fighting. Can't you talk about this?"
Alucard felt his skin crawl. "Talk? About what?"
Tohru cast a glance behind her. The flames could be heard breaking windows in other parts of the castle and smoke was beginning to crawl along the ceiling. "Mr. Anderson says you're an abomination against God, but…I'm sure you didn't want to become a vampire. You only shoot people because you have to. If you two would just talk, you could figure something out."
Alucard thought he heard gagging sounds come from behind Tohru; a sentiment he whole-heartedly agreed with. "Actually I told God off one day many years ago, so I am an abomination. I also happen to love shooting people," Alucard said.
"You can't mean that," Tohru said, looking up at him with wide, blue, dinner plate eyes. "No one wants to go through life fighting all the time."
"The hell we don't!" Anderson shouted as he jumped out from behind the corner, wielding his bayonets. "Murdering demons and heathens is fun! Blast it, Honda, you just don't get it. Wolfwood!"
Nicholas D. Wolfwood stepped out from behind Anderson with the air of a vindicated parent. "If you ask me, she's more Christian than either of you," Wolfwood said. "And seeing as how she's a Buddhist…I think…that's sad."
Wolfwood walked up to Tohru and took her by the arm. "Come on. We'll have you on a plane back to Japan where you belong in no time."
"But what about them? Are you going to let them fight?" Tohru said, looking back at Alucard and Anderson as they rushed at one another.
"If we're lucky, they'll kill each other," Wolfwood said. "Neither one of them is playing with a full deck."
"But…" Tohru wasn't able to finish. A bullet whizzed between them making Wolfwood scoop Tohru up in his arms and run off.
"I've got a serious question for you," Wolfwood said as he ran.
"What?" Tohru said.
"Do you really not have any powers?"
End Iscariot Files.