Cruisin' for Love in All the Wrong Places
By
James Doyle
Raven Baxter and her two best friends Eddie Thomas and Chelsea Daniels all had different career aspirations, and thus attended different schools. After many failed attempts to plan a Spring Break get-together, they finally succeeded in synchronizing their schedules. Unfortunately, none of them had an abundance of cash, so the next obstacle turned out to be figuring out what to do together. Eddie, so it would seem, rose to the challenge.
"A two-week cruise aboard the S.S. Tipton?" echoed Raven, talking to Eddie on the phone as she packed her bags.
"You got it, girl," confirmed Eddie.
"That sounds tight," squeaked Raven, her pitch hitting the ceiling as it always did when she got excited. Immediately thereafter, her tone became more somber. "Eddie, are you sure we can afford this?"
"Absolutely!" assured Eddie. "They had a bunch of cabins they needed to fill at the last minute. I got us a sweet deal. We'll have the sea breeze, tons to do, all the grub we can eat, and of course, hotties in bathing suits."
"And you're sure there's nothing wrong with the room?" Raven asked suspiciously.
"Trust me, Rae," continued Eddie. "The room is pimpin'. I could only get us one, but there's two beds."
"Not a problem," assured Raven. She and Chelsea had no qualms about sharing a bed.
"Then it's settled," concluded Eddie. "We'll spend the night at Chelsea's crib, then we'll set sail."
"Oh, Eddie!" cried Raven. "This is gonna be so awesome!"
"You know it," agreed Eddie.
Meanwhile, Marion Moseby, Cruise Director of the S.S. Tipton, paced about the main lobby, pondering the memo that London Tipton had hand-delivered from her father.
"This is unbelievable!" bemoaned Moseby.
"I was there when he dictated it," stated London. "It's all part of Tipton's new corporate image."
"I can understand that," argued Moseby. "But with all due respect to your father, his timing couldn't have been worse. Not only do I have to completely rearrange our program schedule at the last minute, Miss Tutweiler and I are having to answer dozens of strongly-worded e-mails from parents of Seven Seas High students. Unless I want to be held personally responsible for all of these parents removing their children from the program and demanding a refund on their tuition, I need to assure them that their children won't be corrupted."
London gasped. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You know that's not true."
"For what it's worth, I agree with you," granted Moseby. "But the fact of the matter is, these parents are our customers, and even if they're not as progressive as we'd like them to be, we have to be sensitive to their concerns."
"Here, let me try," offered London. Desperate to try anything at this point, Moseby moved aside and let London have at his laptop. A few minutes later, he looked over London's composition. After correcting numerous glaring spelling and grammatical errors, Moseby found himself quite impressed.
"I never thought I'd say this, London," commended Moseby. "But you have a flair for public relations."
"Yay me!" exclaimed London, jumping and clapping her hands.
The next day, the three friends waited at the pier in San Francisco as the gangplank of the S.S. Tipton extended and began allowing people to board.
"I cannot believe I let you talk me into this, Eddie," regretted the tall, redheaded Chelsea Daniels with a roll of her eyes.
"Ah, come on, Chels," encouraged Raven. "It'll be fun."
"Cruise ships produce seventy percent of all marine pollution," pontificated Chelsea.
'Oh snap!' thought Raven with a sigh and a roll of her eyes. Here we go again.
"Seventy percent, Rae!" continued Chelsea. "Plus, Tipton Industries has the third-worst environmental and human rights record of any Fortune 500 company."
"You know," noted Eddie, thinking of something that might prevent Chelsea from ruining his vacation. "London Tipton attends the Seven Seas High program on this boat. Maybe you can talk to her about it."
Chelsea scowled and nodded. "Oh, believe me, I am gonna give her a piece of my mind."
Just before the gang plank retracted, the tall, stocky Becky boarded the ship in a huff, followed very closely by Woody, her pudgy, greasy, scatterbrained on-again, off-again boyfriend,
"Becky, wait!" called Woody. Becky turned around and shoved Woody up against a bulkhead.
"Do you know what keelhauling is?" asked Becky.
"Um...no," whimpered Woody.
"If you ever speak to me again, you'll experience it first-hand," threatened Becky. "Get it?"
Woody gulped. "Got it."
"Good," said Becky as she let him go. "Disappear!"
Woody nodded and ran off via the clearest path he could find. Becky returned to her cabin to change clothes, and then headed down to the fitness center. Bailey Pickett had just finished her run on the treadmill when she found Becky pummeling the punching bag at a rate that would give a hummingbird's wings a run for their money. Finally, the bag surrendered, and sailed across the room.
"Becky, what's wrong?" asked Bailey.
"Nothing," denied Becky. "Go away! Leave me alone!"
"If you don't talk about this, you're going to start doing that to people's heads," insisted Bailey.
"Fine," conceded Becky. "Woody's an ass."
"What'd he do?" asked Bailey as she led Becky over to a weight bench.
"Well, he took me to this club," continued Becky. It sounded innocent enough, but knowing Woody, Bailey reckoned the story was about to go south in short order. "Seeing as San Fran has some of the hottest clubs in the world, it sounded like a really fun date.
"Only it turns out, it was a lesbian club. When I asked him why in the Sam Frak he'd take me to such a place, he said London had told him there were a lot of girls there like me."
Bailey nodded. "I'll admit, it was pretty irresponsible for Woody to take London's word without researching the place for himself. But I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you."
Becky sighed. "Yeah, you're right. It's just..."
"It's not the first time someone's told you something like that," supplied Bailey.
Becky frowned and nodded. "Everybody assumes that because I'm big and tough, I must be a butch-dyke."
"You really shouldn't use that word," admonished Bailey, earning a death-glare from Becky.
"Besides," continued Bailey, eager to get off that subject. "You and I both know you're not butch. In fact, I've never seen a girl pretty-up like you can."
Becky nodded. "I guess I should apologize to Woody for threatening to keelhaul him."
Bailey laughed. "Don't worry about that. He knows you meant nothing by it."
After settling into their cabin, Eddie and Raven left Chelsea to her hunt for London Tipton, and headed up to the Sky Deck for a hunt of their own. As they suspected, the deck was packed with attractive men and women, and both of them seemed to be getting plenty of attention. However, it took them awhile to realize it wasn't the sort of attention they were looking for.
"Well, hello there," greeted a lean, muscular young man of about five-foot-nine with messy light-brown hair and a goatee. "I'm Dennis."
"Eddie," replied Eddie, detecting a certain vibe being transmitted through Dennis' handshake. Being born and raised in San Francisco, Eddie knew immediately what sort of vibe it was. He looked over at Raven, who was trying her level best to lose the admiration of a thin, mousy librarian-type girl. Their suspicions about why the cruise had been such a bargain were confirmed when Moseby got on the horn.
"Ladies and gentlemen," began Moseby. "Welcome, one and all, to the first ever S.S. Tipton Gay and Lesbian Singles Cruise. I'm Marion Moseby, your Cruise Director, and I'm proud to be to be on the cutting edge of Tipton Industries' new initiative to market a variety of products and services tailored especially to this emerging market segment. So please, enjoy our hospitality, and take full advantage of the many activities and services aboard the Tipton, and the opportunity to meet new people."
"Gay and Lesbian cruise," grumbled Raven, giving Eddie a death glare.
Eddie cowered. "That would explain why they discounted the extra rooms."
"Ya think?" retorted Raven.
Meanwhile, Zack sat in his cabin with Woody and Marcus, playing video games to pass the time.
"Come on, Zack!" prodded Woody. "Give me some competition here!"
"What's the point?" lamented Zack. "We're stuck in our cabins for the next week because Moseby couldn't figure out what else to do with us."
"Look on the bright side," noted Woody. "At least we get extended co-ed visitation."
Marcus snorted. "That's only a good thing if you actually have a girl," said Marcus, jealous of Cody and Bailey, who were making out across the hall.
"Guys," interjected Zack. "Could you at least try not to make me think about all the gorgeous ladies roaming the decks that I'm not allowed anywhere near?"
"Gorgeous ladies?" echoed Marcus. "Man, what part of 'gay and lesbian' don't you grok?"
"Hey, I don't judge!" argued Zack. "Besides, they might just change their mind when they see this fine male specimen."
Marcus smacked Zack on the back of the head.
"Ouch!" protested Zack.
"You're obviously not getting this, so I'll try and spell it out for you," explained Marcus. "You'd never think about hooking up with a dude, right?"
"Eww, no!" shuddered Zack.
"Well, the women out there find the thought of hooking up with the likes of us equally repulsive," continued Marcus. "They're just not into guys."
Zack sighed, and picked up the game controller. "All right," he conceded. "Let's do this thing."
Her roommate having left the program earlier in the semester due to having contracted mono, Becky found the silence and the solitude of her cabin intolerable. Furthermore, she still couldn't shake the idea that people thought she was gay. The fact that the ship was crawling with lesbians didn't help. She decided working out was the only reliable way to clear her head, and she headed for the fitness center.
Becky lay upon the bench, and bench-pressed several sets with the barbell. When she finished, she noticed an unfamiliar black woman walking on the treadmill.
"Excuse me," called Becky. "This is the student fitness center."
Becky startled Raven, and she gripped the handles just before the treadmill threw her off.
"I know, I'm not supposed to be here," explained Raven. "I've just had women staring at me all day, and I didn't want to work out in the passenger gym."
"Fine," agreed Becky, who definitely sympathized. Becky took a moment to size up her impromptu workout companion, and in so doing, noted the settings on Raven's treadmill.
"You're not getting any cardio benefit with those settings," noted Becky.
"Really?" asked Raven.
"Yeah," continued Becky as she tapped a few commands. "A nice interval workout would probably be good for someone of your fitness level."
"Thanks," said Raven, not quite sure how the strange girl meant "your fitness level." "I'm Raven, by the way."
Becky shook her hand. "Becky."
After a few minutes, Becky could see Raven struggling a bit with her new workout. She went over and got her gym bag, placing her spare water bottle on the console in front of Raven.
"You need to stay hydrated," admonished Becky. It wasn't her cardio day, but not wanting to see Raven injure herself, Becky started running on the treadmill next to hers, glancing over occasionally to make sure Raven was alright.
As she did so, Becky couldn't help but notice Raven's lips as she breathed heavily through her mouth. Neither could she ignore the bouncing of Raven's generous, round breasts. The girl had obviously never heard of a sports bra, and the tank top she wore did more to accentuate her assets than contain or hide them. Nor did the girl's curly black hair, pulled back into a ponytail escape her attention, or her perfect brown skin, which induced visions of Swiss chocolate. When she observed Raven's buttocks, as impressive as her rack, Becky came to a shocking realization.
'Oh my gosh!' thought Becky. 'I'm totally checking out this girl. And she is seriously hot!'
Meanwhile, London arrived in the VIP dining room, where Chelsea awaited her.
"You're late," rebuked Chelsea.
"Hey, you're lucky I have nothing better to do," retorted London.
"I see this is going to go really well," snarked Chelsea through gritted teeth. Determined as ever, she presented London with a number of different items she'd printed up in the ship's business center. Much to her surprise, London addressed each item in turn.
"Okay, so we have the long-term reforestation project on Parrot Island," noted London. "What's next?"
Chelsea handed her another paper. London brought up some figures on her laptop and showed them to Chelsea.
"So in the past year alone, the S.S. Tipton has gone from having the worst environmental record in the American fleet to the third-best," noted Chelsea.
London smiled. "You've got it."
"London, this is amazing," marveled Chelsea. "I've got to tell Raven about this."
London shot Chelsea a death glare. "You breathe a word of this to anyone, and I'll have to thrown overboard!"
"Okay, okay!" conceded Chelsea. "Well, now that I've done what I set out to do, I have to figure out something to do for the rest of this cruise."
"Why don't we take a walk," suggested London. "The Lido Deck's usually pretty quiet this time of night."
Back in the gym, Becky had totally gotten Raven into her workout, and before long, she had Raven on the mats, showing off her wrestling moves.
"Ah, gotcha!" boasted Raven, having executed a successful take-down. As Becky started to get up, Raven dove down to try and pin her, only to have Becky take her by the arms and use her foot to toss Raven over her head and flat onto the mat. Before she knew it, Becky had her pinned.
Becky laughed. "Yeah, I can see why you couldn't pass for a Russian gymnast."
"Yeah, I'm not very athletic," agreed Raven.
Becky was just about to get up when she took note of the darker woman's breasts pressed up against hers. They felt as good as they looked. The two girls stared into one another's eyes, not quite sure what to make of the situation. Eventually, the feeling of Raven's sweet, hot breath on her lips proved too much. She took the ebony girl by the sides of her head, closed her eyes, and pressed their lips together.
Raven put up a brief, half-hearted struggle before giving in, plowing her way into the younger girl's mouth with her tongue. They nestled their hands in one another's hair, and their tongues engaged in a reenactment of the battle they'd just waged on the mats. Becky let her guard down for just a moment, allowing Raven to roll over on top of her. For once, Becky didn't mind being dominated, and moaned softly into the older girl's mouth as said girl tried to suck the air out of her lungs.
Down on the Lido Deck, London and Chelsea lay in a pair of lounge chairs, looking up at the sky.
"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Chelsea. "I've never seen so many stars."
"It's pretty incredible, isn't it?" agreed London.
"I just don't get you," puzzled Chelsea.
"How do you mean?" asked London.
"You obviously care about a lot of things," explained Chelsea, "And yet, you let everybody think you're a superficial, self-centered idiot."
"Of course," said London.
"Why?" asked Chelsea.
"Corporate responsibility's a new idea for my father," elaborated London. "If everybody knew I actually gave a crap, and I actually had some influence over him, I'd be sifting through e-mails from everyone from the Homeless Orphans of Bahavia Foundation to the Save the Canadian Dung Beetle Fund. This way, I can do what little I can without having to get stressed about it."
"London Tipton, I was wrong about you," declared Chelsea, taking the heiress' hand. "You are really amazing."
"Thanks," said London, as surprised to accept Chelsea's touch as Chelsea had been to offer it. "You're pretty awesome yourself."
"Really?" asked Chelsea.
"Yeah," affirmed London. "Not many people care enough to actually chase me down."
The two girls turned on their sides and looked at one another for a minute.
"What?" asked London, as if she didn't know what was going on.
"This is weird," noted Chelsea, taking stock of the slender raven-tressed Asian beside her. "I never realized how incredibly beautiful you are."
"So are you," reciprocated London, herself taking note of the tall, shapely redhead beside her.
They began to lean closer together, only to have their deck chairs dump them out. The two girls laughed as they lay on the deck between the two chairs, then closed their eyes and proceeded, as they had begun, to attack one another's mouths.
Raven and Becky continued their assault on one another's lips, throwing each other up against the bulkhead repeatedly as they made their way up from the gym.
"I've got a cabin all to myself," panted Becky as she came up for air.
"Sounds good to me," approved Raven as she shoved Becky through her cabin door, kicking it shut behind her.
The next day in class, Bailey watched London enter the classroom, with Becky close behind her, both with a dreamy, starry-eyed look in their eyes.
"Look at you," said Bailey with a smile as Becky took a seat beside her. "You're glowing!"
"I know," cooed Becky.
"Did something happen between you and Woody?" Bailey ventured to guess.
Becky sighed blissfully. "Not exactly."
A week later, the boat returned to San Francisco, and the three best friends prepared to disembark.
"Eddie, this cruise was your best idea ever," beamed Raven.
"Yeah, I'm sorry I ever doubted you," concurred Chelsea.
"I'm glad y'all had fun," said Eddie. "All I did was play Wii with some high school kids."
Before either could respond, London came running up to Chelsea.
"Oh, hey London!" greeted Chelsea.
"I'm glad I caught you," said London. "I was afraid I wouldn't have a chance to give you this."
London presented Chelsea with a small jewelry box, which she opened to find a beautiful diamond pendant.
"London, I'm not sure I can accept this," said Chelsea.
"Of course you can," argued London. "The diamond came from a Tipton mine, now staffed exclusively with union labor."
"It's perfect," said Chelsea as she allowed the heiress to put it on her.
"Call me," said London as she took Chelsea's hands in hers.
"Of course," agreed Chelsea. The Asian and the redhead leaned in for a chaste, yet unmistakably-romantic kiss.
Before Eddie could react to what he'd just seen, Becky tapped Raven on the shoulder.
"Raven," greeted Becky. "I just wanted to tell you this week was incredible. You've given me a lot to think about."
"Likewise," replied Raven with bit of a chuckle.
The wrestler took hold of the fashion student's face and drew her in for a brief, but passionate kiss.
"Thank you," said Becky.
"You too," replied Raven. "Take care of yourself."
"You too."
As Raven watched Becky walk off, Eddie took both her and Chelsea by the arm, and led them down the gang plank.
"Eddie, what's your hurry?" protested Chelsea.
"I don't know what kind of love bug is going around on this boat," answered Eddie, "But I want to get off before it bites me, too."
The End
My assigned couple was Becky and Raven Baxter.
Becky was the (female) captain of the Seven Seas High (boys') wrestling team, whom Zack tried to woo in order to escape her wrath after she becomes the victim of a prank meant for Woody. He developed genuine feelings for her, only for her to fall for Woody.
Raven Baxter is the title character of the Disney series 'That's So Raven'. She appeared in a crossover episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, in which she traveled to Boston with her boss, fashion designer Donna Cabonna, and tried to get London to wear a dress designed by her.
Chelsea is Raven's air-headed, artistic, vegetarian, environmentally- and socially-conscious best friend. She was ineligible for the lottery due to never having set foot on a Tipton property, but there's no rule against using her in a beta pairing.
Thanks for reading!