Seeing James, Sirius, Peter and Remus so suddenly after having lost them for so long had jarred her. What they had said shook her even more and she doubled her efforts to get them out of her mind. She tortured anyone her Master brought in without remorse, afraid of what would happen if she let that little fear take root. Instead, she went through the motions and took out any anger or fear on the cowering people at her feet. The Dark Lord told her one day that with the exception of himself, she was the youngest person to do such things to another person. Kit had been proud of that fact, she still was. To be so young, but still instill such fear into people. She stood at the balcony that looked out onto a grand expanse of green. No other buildings, no other house, just grass as far as she could see. She'd found out early on that this was Malfoy Manor. With the way things were turning out, she'd own this place in a few months. Lucius was being quite friendly as Kit grew darker and darker. Lucius would be easy to control once they were married. He was distracted by sex and expensive things. He could have as many mistress as he wanted and between the two of them, he could buy every house between here and Canada if he desired. Kit heard the sound of someone crying and knew that her Master was questioning another Ministry employee. Ever since her mother had left, it had been difficult for him to get the leverage he needed with the Ministry and he hadn't found a replacement since. Kit leaned against the railing and watched the wind move along the grass. Lucius came up beside her and covered her hand with his.

"Enjoying the view?"

"It's a beautiful house."

"That's to say nothing of the people inside of it," he joked and drew her close to him. Kit looked up at him, his white-blonde hair loose around his face. She pushed a strand back and shrugged.

"It's alright, I suppose." She smiled up at him and rolled her eyes when he looked hurt. "A joke, Lucius."

"I'm aware," he said dryly and he spun her away from the window. "Would you like to stay here?"

"Permanently?"

"Of course,"

"Yes," Kit said and Lucius was reaching down to kiss her when a Death Eater called up the stairs.

"The barrier's been broken!" McNair shouted, his voice high with panic. Kit ran from Lucius and to the window and saw nine figures quickly making their way to the mansion. Swearing, she ran down the stairs and burst into the questioning room.

"Sir, the west barrier has been broken." Kit withdrew quickly, but heard his roar of anger. She drew her wand and went to the front door, calling every Death Eater that Apparated to action. "Linton, Clint and Jackson, keep the ones downstairs from getting out. Black -all of you- with me. Malfoy, you as well. Everyone else, guard the house. I don't want a single one of them near here, got it?" The masked faces nodded and Kit affixed her own mask before running out to meet them. She knew who they were from a distance. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus, her parents, McGonagall, Flitwick and Dumbledore. Kit charged at them, Death Eaters at her side and they were all knocked off their brooms in a matter of seconds. Hell broke loose as the battle began, Dumbleodre having taken out three of them in a single swipe. Thankfully new Death Eaters were landing every second and soon they had nearly double as many Death Eaters. Curses flew everywhere, Kit caught Sirius with a slicing curse, Remus with a burn and tried to disarm McGonagall. It was strange to fight against people she'd once admired, but she did and to her surprise sent McGonagall flying. As she was fighting with her old Transfiguration teacher, Malfoy called out to her.

"Behind you!" Kit spun to see her father staring down at her, his wand shaking and his face white.

"Katherine, don't make me do this." He pleaded with her, but Kit's wand didn't falter as she lifted it. Now level with his chest, she hesitated for a moment too long and was disarmed in the instant. James caught her wand and grabbed her. He started to pull her away, grabbing a bag Dumbledore had dropped along the way.

"NO!" Kit screamed and kicked at him as he pulled her away. Lucius fell before Sirius, and Remus was backing Regulus into the house. They were being beaten! Kit screeched and clawed at James, but he held onto her and with his arm still wrapped around her, he grabbed the tea kettle from the bag. Kit felt a tugging in her stomach and tumbled down a moment later in the living room of the Potter's house.

"How could you?" Kit yelled at him and punched every bit of him she could reach. He still had her wand, so she was forced to use her hands to tear at him. She scratched at his face, kicked him and dug her nails into his cheek until she drew blood. She pushed him to the ground and wretched her wand from his hand. She pressed it against his neck and pinned him down.

"I'll kill you!" She warned him. His glasses were cracked and dented, but behind them his hazel eyes were dark with fury.

"How could I? Kit you were drowning back there! You didn't even know who you were!"

"I know who I am, who I'm supposed to be! And it isn't some sap sitting in a classroom, patiently waiting for someone else to do the work. I'm not some bleeding heart, James. You saw that!"

"I saw you do something to please your new Master." He spat the word out, disgusted that she had ever used it.

"I did it because I liked it!"

"Oh, you enjoy torturing me? Tell me, did you enjoy Malfoy as well?" James was furious, his lips pressed into a thin with line. He pushed her off of him and stood abruptly. "I risked my life trying to save you!"

"I didn't want to be saved! Merlin! Everyone has it in their head that I'm some sort of perfect child, that I couldn't have any darkness in me. I do! I am evil! I'm a monster!" Kit shouted at him. Popping noises around her signalled the arrival of the others and Kit shoved away from her parents as they came to embrace her. "Don't touch me." She hissed at them.

"Katherine, I know what you're going through." Luka began, but Kit raised her wand at him.

"You don't. None of you do. If you knew you'd see that I DIDN'T WANT TO BE SAVED!"

"You may not have wanted it but you needed it!" Sirius said.

Kit stormed over to him and grabbed a fistful of his hair. "I cursed all of you, I made you watch as I cut his back open, I used an Unforgivable Curse on both of you. How can I be saved? Hmm, Black, how is there any chance of saving me now?"

"Miss Ruskova," Dumbledore began quietly, but his voice was stern as he spoke. "We have all risked a great deal to rescue you, whether you believe you needed it or not. Please remember that."

"Please remember that you've all put a death sentence over my head. Do you think I'll be able to explain myself to my Master if we cross paths again? He's not going to accept that I was taken!" Kit threw her hands up and walked to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked and Kit saw, for the first time, her cousin cowering in fear at his side.

"Back home, mutt." Kit spat. "Where people don't make decisions for me." Kit stopped and spun back around. "You know, this isn't the first time you've all made some choice that you thought was best without even thinking about what I wanted. Do you have some higher knowledge that I don't know about? Do you know what's best for me?Shouldn't I be the ones making the choices about my life?" Kit whipped around and slammed her fist into the door frame.

Kit didn't see the spell coming, but she heard Rose say, "Stupefy!" a she was out a moment later.

Kit felt trapped, unbelievably so as everyone in the house took their turns watching her. As if they expected her to do something drastic at any moment. It was maddening to be treated like a child when she had long since moved on from needing supervision. They all treated her as if she had a disease and couldn't look after herself. They kept telling her that she'd get better soon, as if this was just some virus that would be flushed out of her system eventually. They'd taken her wand away from her, afraid of what she would do with it and she was forced to spend every minute inside.

"I've spent the better part of four months holed up in a house, can I please go outside?" Kit asked Luka one morning. It had been a two weeks since they'd rescued her and it was now Easter break. Dumbledore had assured them that they should each take as much time as they needed before going back to school.

"No, because last time you went outside you nearly killed your own father." He said dryly, not looking up from his paper.

"I'm not some sick child, I'm not bedridden with disease! Let me go!" Kit pounded her fist against the table and stood. Luka nodded at James, who tried to restrain her. It wasn't the first time she'd suddenly lashed out and they all knew the signs.

"You can't go out, not until you're better," James tried soothingly and Kit shoved away from him.

"I'm not sick! I won't 'get better'! If I'd said I'd killed someone, would you be like this? Or would have just given up hope, known that I was a lost cause? It's still an Unforgivable Curse, it's still a part of who I am!" Kit stormed off and James hesitated before following her. She slammed the door shut and James gave them an encouraging smile.

"I'll keep an eye on her," he said quickly before slipping out the door. Kit was stalking out to the forest the lined the back of the house, desperate to find some solace. She felt like a Herbology project, being watched and monitored every second. Her Master had never treated her this way; she was free to do as she pleased. Kit walked as deep into the forest as she could, until she couldn't see the house anymore and the only sounds she heard were the ones of nature. She sunk down and wrapped her arms around her knees. She didn't want to think about anything, only relish in the fresh air, but the same thoughts came to the forefront of her mind. What she'd done to those people, who she'd made scream and cry, beg her for mercy. And suddenly, finally, with no one else around Kit felt something snap.

She'd tortured someone. She'd brought someone's child to the edge, made them go through exactly what he'd put her through. She'd cut open her best friend, the man she loved, she'd tried to kill her own father. She let a shaky breath out and screwed her eyes shut. She'd been pleasing her Master, she'd been doing what she was supposed to be doing. They'd been blood traitors, half-breeds, mudbloods. They'd deserved it. But did any of that justify her actions? What had happened to the girl who'd fought tooth and nail against the Dark Lord's plans? Had that even been her or was that just who her parents had wanted her to be? How could she deny who she'd become if such dark thoughts and curses came so naturally to her.

"Kit?"

"Go away James," Kit said, trying to force the sound of tears out of her voice.

"Kit, please."

"James, what can you say that I haven't heard before? It's the same thing every day; this isn't you, you had no choice, you'll get better. I'm sick of it."

"Kit, I know it's easier for you to just push everyone away, but we need you now. Everyone's worried."

Kit scoffed and shook her head. "No, they're pissed off that I haven't been fixed yet."

"They may not show it, but they are. We all know this isn't who you are-"

"What if it is, James? I nearly killed someone, I attacked my family, I...I hurt you." Kit ran a hand through her hair and swore. "He made it seem so natural, like I'd been meant to do this my whole life."

"He worms his way into people's heads, you had no choice. You were forced to agree. Kit, please, look at me." He sat in front of her and held her face when she tried to look away. "When you disappeared, we were frantic. We looked everywhere, Sirius tried everything. But we couldn't find you anywhere. The whole school was helping to look for you, teachers and students giving up their break to help find you and Rose. But after a month people started to lose hope. I-I couldn't accept that. But each day it felt like you were fading a little more from our lives." He took a breath and behind his glasses, tears were beginning to cling to his lashes.

"Two months and nothing, not a sign of you anywhere. And then Sirius found Rose. The state she was in... but all I could think about was you, alone, going through the same thing with no one to help you. When Rose tried to talk about you she'd close up and refuse to say anything else. I-I thought you were dead." He was crying now, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. He held her hands and squeezed them. "I don't know what I would have done if you were dead. I need you, Kit. Everyone does, but I can't think straight when you're not around. The thought that you were dead was - I couldn't - I can't live without you."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kit asked.

"Because I want you to know that whatever happens, whoever you think you are, I'll always be here." James opened his arms and Kit crawled to lie against him. It felt foreign after so long, but familiar at the same time, like it triggered a memory at the back of her mind.

"What if I am evil?" Kit asked quietly, her face pressed against his chest.

"Then we'll all be here to teach you differently. But, Kit, I don't believe that's true." He ran his hand through her hair as she started to cry, rocking her gently. She was crying for everything she'd done, every person she'd hurt, every doubt and insecurity. He just held onto her as she shook and knew that they were one step closer to getting the old Kit back.

Kit sat on the floor of the living room, textbooks spread out around her and she chewed on the end of a quill as Dumbledore walked in.

"Miss Ruskova, how are you feeling?" He asked as he sat on the couch.

"Better. It's been difficult. I'm still revolted by some of the things I did. It's not easy, but I'm getting there." Kit put her quill down and pushed the Charms textbook away from her.

"That's good to hear. However, I am here to speak with all of you. If you could please get the others." He waved his hand at her and she went to the hall and called for them.

"Hi, Professor," Sirius said as he walked in with Rose by his side. James entered and gave Kit a quick kiss before sitting beside her. Remus and Peter sat on the floor near Kit and they all looked up at the man who'd seen them far too many times in his office.

"Due to recent events, none of you have been able to attend Hogwarts and thus have not been able to keep up with your studies. Miss Ruskova has been trying to finish her studies, but it is evident that two months will not be enough time."

"Are we not going to graduate?" Remus asked.

"Yes, you are, Mr Lupin. However you will be graduating two months after the rest of the school. You are welcome to came back and continue your studies there, but you will have individual classes with each professor in order to graduate."

"So, we can go back?" Kit asked quietly and felt every pair of eyes fall upon her. Granted, it probably wasn't the smartest idea, what with Lucius and Regulus within cursing distance. But Kit missed Hogwarts and the feeling of safety it gave her. She twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

"Do you think that's smart?" Sirius asked slowly and Kit rolled her eyes.

"I'm not a fucking invalid, Pads." She caught herself and squeezed her eyes shut. "Sorry," she mumbled. It wasn't like she tried to be a jerk, but every so often things would sneak back into her system. That was to say nothing of the fact that they were all still looking at her as if they were waiting for her to lash out. She'd come close a few times, but thankfully she'd kept everything in check.

But she couldn't wait to get back to school and rip Malfoy's head from his scrawny neck.

Kit frowned at herself as the others talked around her and doodled on her page. Maybe it was harder than it looked to just get back to normal. Kit watched a poorly drawn face start to take form in the corner of her page. Dark eyes, a twisted smile, a short curl of dark hair. The face of the Dark Lord looked up at her and she hastened to fold the page before anyone saw. Her hands curled into fists and she felt the sharp sting of her nails bite into her palms. James looked over at her, his brow creased but she shook her head at him.

"I think, with everything that has happened, it may be safer in own homes." Rose said and Kit looked up at her.

"What?" she asked, but the question was ignored and instead the Headmaster said that he would make the arrangements. Kit watched as Sirius rambled on about homework and as the others laughed at him. But Kit stayed rooted to her spot as she mind worked slowly. She wasn't going back to Hogwarts, she wasn't going to see Malfoy or Regulus again. And instead of being happy, she was furious that she wouldn't be able to throttle them, wring their necks, make them scream and cry. Kit narrowed her eyes at a spot on the carpet. She was going to find them. Even as she sat there thinking, she could feel the want snaking into her veins. She wanted to find the, she wanted to hurt them. Kit stood suddenly and left the room quickly. James caught her in the hallway and held her close.

"Kit, don't. You'll regret it."

"No, I won't."

"Please Kit, don't do it. Kit," James said her name over and over again soothingly, pressing a kiss just beneath her jaw, feeling her pulse flutter against his lips. He kissed her fully on the mouth and held her face. "Please, Kit. Please," she took a shuddering breath, waiting for the heat to leave her veins and was frustrated when it didn't. Kit shook her head and tried to wriggle free but James held onto her. "I'm not letting you go," he told her.

"I'm going upstairs."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Do I need an escort everywhere?" Kit continued her efforts to get away from him but it was useless battle. He was almost a foot taller than her and now at eighteen, he'd lost any resemblance to a boy. He was all tough muscle now, long, hard sinews kept in top form by years of Quidditch. Kit had withered in her time away, being gaunt and shaking in the winter. There had been a period of time when she'd been back to normal but since coming back to her house, she'd dropped weight again. Between trying to catch up with her studies, being disgusted with herself, throwing tantrums and being watched like a ticking dungbomb there wasn't a lot of time to eat.

"Evidently," James frowned and hoisted her over his shoulder. Kit screamed and pounded her fists against his back. James carried her up the stairs and pushed the door to her room open with his foot. Kit yelled when he tossed her onto the bed and looked up at him through her messy hair as he kicked the door shut and crawled to kneel above her. He brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her softly.

"Don't think this doesn't mean I'm not still pissed," Kit told him when he pulled back. He shrugged and pressed his lips against her neck.

"I'll settle for distracted." He said as he traced the line of her jaw with light kisses.

Hey! Long time no see, huh? Well, life got hectic, but you'll be glad to know that I have a few more chapters already written and I'm posting them tonight. Once their edited, of course.

I'd like to give a thank you to artsandlife. Thanks for reviewing and everything else! It's great to know that people like this fic. Especially after so long of no updating :P

Dahlia