October 2010 (the next day)

Castiel woke up feeling warm and content as he opened his eyes to see Dean curled around him and swallowed hard when his stomach and heart dropped in realisation what he said to him last night. His head pounded as he shifted up looking towards the window and swore softly. Dean stirred next to him and reached out pawing at his thigh for a moment before settling into the cushion for more sleep.

"Dean" he murmured twisting to face him. "Do you want coffee?"

"Mmfh" Dean said with a nod.

"Okay" Castiel whispered stroking a hand down the back of his hair lingering in the softness for a moment before pulling away and hopping off the bed.

Gabriel whistled a happy tune as he pounced in the kitchen and paused staring at Castiel staring out of the window with a vacant expression.

"Cas?" he said in concern touching his arm so he jumped jerking away and staring at him in confusion.

"Good morning"

"What's wrong?" Gabriel murmured looking out of the window to see nothing out there.

"I told Dean I love him last night"

"What?" he said in astonishment. "What did he say?"

"Alright"

"What?"

"He said alright…we were drunk and he was asleep though"

"Wait, wait, wait, you told Dean you loved him and his response was…alright?"

"Yes"

Gabriel gaped blinking rapidly. "That little shit"

"Like I said we were drunk, he was asleep, and I don't think he even remembers" Castiel murmured pouring coffee into a cup and tea into his own. "I just…what if he remembers?"

"Cas if he remembers he would have said a lot more than fucking alright" Gabriel snapped biting into his thumb. "Fuck, way a go telling him like that"

"It was in the heat of the moment"

"Did you have sex?"

"No but we did skinny dip and he kissed me everywhere" he said gesturing a hand over his face.

"That's worse than sex…you need to tell him how you really feel for him otherwise you're going to end up pining after him forever" Gabriel said gripping his shoulders and shaking him gently. "Look at Sam and I, we're really good…"

"Gabe, I don't want to hear it" Castiel said grabbing the cups and brushing past him as he walked back to the bedroom shutting the door. Dean snuffled when he shook his shoulder and held the cup out to him.

"Oh you're a star" Dean muttered reaching for it and peering at the black liquid like it was his heaven. He sipped it and nodded pushing up to rest against the headboard.

"I feel like there's a full on rave going on in my head…did you slip something in my drink?"

"Yes I poisoned you; I will be the last face you will ever see"

Dean snorted sipping his coffee. "Yeah, sure"

Castiel sat next to him huddled up in the covers blowing his tea and staring out of the window. Dean noticed the tension and hummed poking him in the thigh.

"What's with the glum face?"

"I'm tired and hungover"

"Then why are you awake? Why the fuck am I awake?" he murmured with a frown.

"Because if it was up to you, Dean, you'd sleep away the day"

"True…but that's not it, there's something else" Dean said pulling at his wrist. "Tell me"

"Do you remember last night?"

"Vaguely" Dean said softly amused. "I know we skinny dipped and there was whiskey, wine, and that blue stuff in the bottle"

"Yes but do you remember afterwards?"

Dean eyed him and shook his head. "I remember crashing in here and that's about it…why did something happen? Did we have sex?"

"We didn't have sex"

"Good I'd like to remember that" he said with a wink directed at him.

"You're constantly horny aren't you?"

"I like sex…sue me"

"For all your money" Castiel murmured watching him as he leaned over kissing the tip of his nose before leaning back against the cushions.

Castiel watched him silently while he got out of bed with a hard sigh to get a shower and tried to ignore the niggling feeling swimming in his stomach over and over again. It hurt his heart to know that Dean wasn't really listening when he told him he loved him and he knew deep down it was stupid to say it to a drunken sleeping man but he couldn't help it. His eyes went back to the window and he stared out across the dock and lake knowing changes had to be made and soon.

Things couldn't continue like they were with casual sex, pining feelings, denied feelings, and tension enough to make the pair of them feel so uncomfortable. Castiel listening to his singing from the joint bathroom and shut his eyes knowing he had to get out somehow. He moved out of the bedroom and walked outside to see Gabriel outside on the dock and walked out to join him.

"I need some advice" he said standing on the dock and sitting next to him.

"Oh do you want to listen to me now?"

"I'm going to move out but Dean doesn't want me to, he wants me to stay and stay how we are and I can't do it anymore. He doesn't remember that I said I loved him" he said staring down into the water.

Gabriel closed his eyes with a sigh. "You know what you have to do right?"

"No"

"You need to make him realise how much he really wants you, how much he loves and cares about you because the asshole does, alright? He's hiding it like he hides everything else and you need to make him see it" he said with an exasperated sigh. "It's exhausting watching you two dance around each other! Do you know how many bets Sam and I have taken over you two? It's getting tiring"

Castiel blinked looking over to him confused but let it go. "So I make him work for it?"

"Yes, you make him sweat, you do whatever it takes to get him under that thumb" he said holding up his hand. "Metaphorically of course but you know what you have to do"

Castiel nodded as Gabriel shoved him playfully and he made the plans in his head and prepared for Dean's reaction which would be painful but it had to be done otherwise he'd never do it.

~0~0~0~0~

December 2010

Dean stared into the bare bedroom with a heavy feeling in his chest and glared at Elmo claiming territory in the empty bedroom. Castiel had gone and done the move two weeks ago moving into a small studio near the school he worked at for lower rent and space they both needed. It wasn't as much as a surprise when they returned from their week away in Colorado in October to return to normal life and Castiel became secretive. Dean hated it and watched from the side lines with narrowed eyes and curiosity. He went to work with his thoughts filled off secrets, lies, Cas, and that bad feeling that wouldn't fade. Dean finally got his answers in November when Castiel put on an act by sitting him down and slipping the papers into his hands.

"It's small, cheap, and a bit of an abysmal but it's good for me right now…I need to do this, Dean, because we need this and not just for me but for you" he pleaded gripping his hands tight. Dean stared at the papers with a painful tear in his chest and nodded slowly.

"I guess this is the big secret"

"I'm sorry for not telling you but if I did you'd stop me and you know it"

"So you've got it then?"

"I've put down a deposit, yes"

"Great" Dean muttered chucking the papers down and standing up. "So you're just going to leave me here"

"Yes because this is good for both of us and you know it is"

"No it really isn't, Cas, I don't want to live on my fucking own!" he shouted facing him. "I've never lived on my own"

Castiel sighed sitting up and walking over to join him. "It's time to grow up, peter pan"

"Cute" Dean snapped annoyed looking away from him. "Fine, you know what…do whatever you want"

"Dean" he said softly with concern shining in his eyes when he pushed his hand away going into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. His eyes shut for a moment before gathering the strength to move pass it and pack up his life. Dean could only watch and seethe every single day after that as empty boxes came in and he packed away his life with the help of Balthazar who was very smug about it.

"Why Dean…you look upset, petal" Balthazar teased him when Dean watched from the couch.

"Piss off, Balthazar" he hissed into his face seeing the surprise before it faded into nothing.

"Well isn't someone a cranky bitch now that best friend and fuck partner is moving far away from you" he whispered with a grin jumping away and heading into Castiel's bedroom. "Living close to me as well"

"Fuck you, Balthazar, what the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"No thanks…Cassy might kill me" he said poking his head around the door frame with a grimace. "He sent little old me around to finish up here because he wants to get moving"

"I could have done that" Dean said with a scowl.

"Well he wanted me" Balthazar said with a grin moving back inside. Dean gritted his teeth hating this more than he ever thought.

The official moving day was a shock to the system when he looked into Castiel's bedroom to see everything gone, the mattress bare, and all the life that was in there gone. He swallowed hard looking over to Castiel who stood near the front door staring at him with an open expression.

"You know I'm going to miss you right?" he said softly as Dean sat down heavily on the couch.

"Well I know the cure…don't fucking move!" he muttered tugging Elmo in his lap. Castiel smiled faintly amused bending down to press a kiss to the back of his ear and wrapping his arms around his shoulders from behind. Dean leaned back into his warmth shutting his eyes.

"I have to do this for us" he whispered before biting into his ear gently and chuckling when he grunted swatting at him.

"That hurt"

"I'll see you soon"

"Yeah" Dean muttered thoughtfully repressing a shiver when he kissed the back of his neck and leaving soon after. He couldn't stop the flinch that came when the apartment door snapped behind him and he looked down at Elmo who stared back with wide luminous blue eyes.

"It's just you and I buddy" he murmured stroking his fingers into fur when the silence of the flat hit him and he instantly turned on the television needing noise. It was far too quiet. The silence carried on for two weeks as he busied himself in work and keeping his head down the best he could. Winter was creeping in and the snow started to fall day by day creating a more Christmas feel to the place.

Elmo purred from his place on the mattress all stretched out and clearly loving it as Dean shook his head at him.

"Demon" he hissed at him before walking away and glancing at the soap opera on and hummed dropping down on the couch for yet again another night in. He was settled into the crook of the couch when his phone buzzed and he stared at the caller I.D with narrowed eyes. Since Castiel had moved out two weeks ago they had barely spoken or seen each other.

"Oh my god, he's not dead" Dean answered in a flat tone.

"Dean, don't be like that"

"You've ignored me for two weeks"

"I have not ignored you, Dean, it's called space and I've been busy" he said with a sigh. "I'm calling for a reason…I want you to come out with Balthazar and I"

"Oh how I love to be a third wheel"

"You're not a third wheel"

"Oh so you and Balthazar didn't arrange a night out without me"

"Dean, we are not teenagers so stop acting like one. Balthazar invited me out and I want you to come out because I haven't seen you in two weeks and I miss you. I want you to stop being so difficult and come out"

Dean rolled his eyes with vigour tapping hit foot. "Fine, what time?"

"I'll come over now"

"Fine" he muttered hanging up and tossing his phone. Dean knew he was acting pathetically and like a big kid but he couldn't help but feeling a little left out and most of all lonely. He dressed in more comfy clothes and waited for the scratch of the key and turned when Castile opened the door.

"I shouldn't have this anymore"

"Well hello to you too" Dean said in greeting taking him in and nodding at Elmo skidding out of the bedroom and wrapping his little body around Castiel's ankles. "He misses you"

"I've missed him too…both of you" he said scooping him up and smiling at Elmo who mewled at him.

"We're not exactly far…why haven't you called?"

"Because of work, we need space, and it's been good for both of us I think don't you think? I felt excited to see you and not nervous or awkward" he said moving over to him with a frown. "You look pale"

"I'm fine" he murmured slapping his wandering hand gently. "Why is Balthazar going out? He was an alcoholic"

"He wants to get out; he promises to drink orange juice"

"That's depressing"

"We're going to town"

"Good, I need alcohol and now" he said snatching up his phone and keys. "Should I drive?"

"No, we can get a cab"

"Fine" he said chucking down the car keys and moving closer to him to stroke Elmo gently. "He's taken your bedroom"

"I'm really not surprised" he murmured stroking a hand down his fur and meeting his eyes. "Have you been sleeping and eating well?"

"Fuck…yes mom" he murmured giving him the evil eye.

"I worry about you"

"I'm fine" he murmured pressing their foreheads together and relaxing Castiel completely as he surrendered to him closing his eyes. The simple gesture was enough for Castiel because of the fact it had been carried on for years.

"How's the studio?"

"It's good; you can come see it you know"

"Maybe" Dean murmured pulling away and pulling out his phone to call the cab. "Are we meeting him there?"

"Yes" he said resting his cheek on top of Elmo's head. "It'll be good to get out, how's the hospital?"

"Busy" he said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm sick of being puked on"

"Oh the woes of Dean"

"Shut up" he murmured before ordering a cab for the address and hanging up. "Let's get so drunk we can't see"

~0~0~0~0~

"One, two, three" Dean said as they knocked back a shot and Castiel coughed slamming his chest and chuckled with a nod. Balthazar rolled his eyes at the pair of them as they ordered another round.

"How's your orange juice?" Dean said with a smug smile nodding at Balthazar who sipped it with a smile.

"Tangy" he said eyeing the woman who walked past. "Well isn't that an interesting ass"

"If that's your thing" Castiel murmured swaying gently.

They had arrived three hours prior and were now already feeling the effects of their drinks as they trailed clubs and ended up in a final one not wanting to leave.

"Casanova" Balthazar sang dragging him over and nodding towards the other end of the bar. "That guy…the one in the green shirt…he can't take his eyes off you, well no one can keep their eyes off you because you're gorgeous but he's practically drooling"

Castiel looked over to the dark haired man staring over at him with lust shining deep into his eyes as he winked at him. He flushed looking down at the shot before knocking it back. Dean stood next to him glaring fiercely between them as the alcohol took hold.

"Go get him tiger" Balthazar growled playfully in his ear and dodged over to Dean. "Don't worry darling, I'll set you up to! So who do you want…woman or man?"

"Neither…where the hell is he going?" Dean said standing up straighter to watch Castiel move away and slink into the crowd.

"He's on the move" Balthazar said with a smile. "Does that bother you?"

Dean didn't answer as he sipped from his beer staring at Castiel and Mr Green as they talked at the end of the bar. Balthazar laughed loud looking between them and slinking closer to him.

"My, oh my, if looks could kill this whole bar would be dead and rotten" he murmured poking him hard in the arm. "You're stinking in jealously"

"I'm not jealous"

"Oh really"

"Yeah" he snapped slamming the bottle down on the bar.

"Ohhhhh so you won't mind if he takes Mr Green over there home to his new studio apartment and fucks him till sunrise" Balthazar said with a grin and gasped with a chuckle when Mr Green grabbed him kissing him slowly and sensually. Dean gritted his teeth watching Castiel respond with enthusiasm pressing close to him, arms wrapped around his neck as they kissed deeply and practically eating each other's mouths over and over again.

Balthazar hummed looking over to Dean and pausing for thought at the look on his face. It was filled with a pain that he hadn't seen before and it actually tore at Balthazar's heart and now that was hard to do. Dean sniffed deeply pushing the drink away. "I need…air"

He straightened watching Dean push his way through the crowd and up the stairs so he could burst out inhaling the frigid air. It was a cold night and he shifted around the drunk people to lean against the wall feeling a little sick and not drunk enough to deal with this right now.

"Come home with me right now, you're gorgeous" he whispered into Castiel's ear.

"I-I don't even know your name"

"Harrison" he purred into his ear. "You have a great ass"

Castiel pulled back looking into the olive coloured eyes and shook his head. "No, I-I can't…my friends"

"They won't miss you but I will if you leave me hanging"

"I can't" he murmured when Harrison bit and kissed into his neck stroking a hand over his ass over and over again. Castiel looked over to Balthazar currently chatting up a woman with big breasts and big hair but no Dean.

"Where's…Dean, I need to find him" he murmured pushing out of his arms.

"No wait!" Harrison called out gripping his hand and pulling him back. "Whoever this Dean is…he can wait"

"No, no, I need to find him, he's my Dean" he whispered when Harrison kissed him hard. He moaned into the kiss before pulling away with a shake of his head.

"No" he muttered pushing him away and stumbling away to find him. "Balthazar, where's Dean?"

"He went out there" Balthazar said with a nod leading him outside as he looked around and found a person looking very much like Dean smoking.

"Dean" he murmured stepping in front of him staring at the cigarette in his mouth. "You don't smoke"

"Nope but there's always a first time for everything" Dean said with a cough hitting his chest. "It's not bad…why are you here, Casanova?"

"I was looking for you…why are you out here and why-why are you smoking?" Castiel murmured stepping closer to him and plucking it out of his fingers to take a drag and wincing. Dean smirked pulling it away and shrugging.

"Fresh winter air…where's your lover?"

"I don't have a lover…"

"There you are!"

Castiel spun nearly losing balance until Dean steadied him and they looked at Harrison staring intently at Castiel.

"Oh" he murmured backing away and walking into Dean's chest.

"Come on, let's get out of here"

"No-no" he said with a shake of his head. "I'm going to stay here"

"Come on baby" Harrison cooed grabbing his wrist and tugging hard enough for Castiel to cry out in pain. Castiel stumbled back watching Dean in shock who reacted instantly shoving Harrison away from him so he cried out crashing to the floor.

"Back the fuck off!" he growled at him. "You touch him again and I'll break your legs"

Harrison scrambled backwards from Dean ignoring the looks and laughs from other drunken people watching intrigued.

"Dean" Castiel murmured when Dean pulled him to his side and grabbed his wrist gently glaring at the pink surrounding his wrist.

"Are you okay?"

"I feel sick" he murmured leaning against him.

"Come on, let's get you home"

"What home? My home or your home?" he murmured stumbling along with him.

"My home" he said as he called a cab and stroked a hand down his side. Castiel yawned with a nod snuggling into him. Dean wrinkled his nose at the cheap smell of the other guys' aftershave and thought for a moment of shoving him into shower when they got in but decided against drowning him.

Dean was glad to get in and looked at Castiel clinging to him as he hauled him into the bedroom dropping him on the bed.

"Are you not drunk?"

"I was and then I sobered up because my drunken ass of a best friend is hammered" Dean said undressing him. "Do you feel sick?"

"Nope" he said shaking his head with a smile lifting up his arms as Dean tugged the t-shirt off. Dean watched him snuggle under the covers breathing deeply and undressed before climbing under the covers to join him. Castiel hummed wriggling into his arms with a content sound when Dean pressed a soft kiss to his forehead closing his eyes.

"Dean?"

"Yeah"

"I miss you"

"I'm right here"

"No, no, everyday…I miss you" he whispered pressing a kiss to his chin. "I lo…"

"What?" Dean murmured squinting at him.

Castiel bit into his lip with a shake of his head. "I try but I can't keep away, I can't stop…you're under my skin…like a tattoo"

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you ever realise?" he murmured into the skin of his collarbone. Dean blinked feeling weird about this conversation and listened to his deep breathing next to him sleepy and heavy against him. It was a constant tango and neither one was prepared to stop the dance.

A/N: Awwww guys! I can feel your frustration! The years are coming to a close so it will be soon.