Moonstone Cowboy

Rated: M. (Teeny bit of swearing)

Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh and all related characters of course belong to Noel and Julian, Dave and Rich and Mike. We love them and we hope they don't mind us messing with them in some very peculiar ways. No money is being made from this effort.

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Moonstone Cowboy

Day 4 Part 2

"So did that work?"

"Yeah kinda."

"Kind of?"

"Well he admitted that Dixon Bainbridge ordered the murder."

"He did? Wow, that's huge."

"Yeah!"

"And the murderer?"

Vince shakes his head.

"Sorry Howard, he wouldn't say. He's going to give us the knife though."

"Right, good. Why won't he tell us the murderer though? He must be scared of something. But then why tell us about Bainbridge? I don't get that?"

Vince shrugs.

"I dunno. Maybe he's waiting to see if we come good on our bargain before he tells us."

"What bargain?"

"Err, yeah, I sort of told him he could go free."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Was that wise?"

"He knows the risks."

Howard rubs his temple.

"OK, I guess. If that's what he wants. And he didn't say anything else? Nothing about why Lance was killed?"

Vince looks Howard straight in the eyes and shakes his head again. He hates lying to him, but he can't tell him about Fossil's magic man. Not yet. For a start there is no way Howard will let him go with Bobby to the cave, not in his condition. And Vince has no idea whether this magic man is a fake a phoney or just a figment of Fossil's imagination. He wants to check it out before involving Howard in a goose chase. The Sheriff has enough to contend with.

But aside from all this Vince really just wants to prove himself. Prove he's fit to work and prove his worth. He can't help feeling a little guilty that he'd managed to get himself caught by Bainbridge's men so easily. That bloody Lillian White girl. If only he hadn't let her in. How stupid a move was that?

Yes, he had to prove not just to Howard but to everyone that he was capable of looking after himself. Bruises and cuts aside he has to do this.

Howard's looking back at Vince slightly quizzically and the Deputy feels himself start to redden. Does Howard know something's amiss?

"So how'dit go boys?"

Vince turns away from Howard at the welcome sound of Monty's voice.

"OK we think."

Howard pulls his gaze away from his deputy. He senses something unusual in Vince's body language but decides to dismiss it for now.

"Yes Monty, we've had some luck. Don't want to tell you too much though you understand."

"And I don't want to hear it Sheriff. I'm quite happy being kept in the dark until you need me to know."

"What you got there Mr Flange?"

The actor reaches the steps to the veranda, dragging behind him a huge hessian sack. Howard helps him up them with it.

"Actually it's just a few more bits and bobs for you my lad. There's some more shirts with high collars, a couple of hats, a holster."

"Holster?"

Monty reaches into the sack and pulls out a black holster belt adorned with shining nickel stud work and a beautifully engraved buckle. He hands it to Vince.

"I can think of no-one more suited to wear this."

Vince takes the belt almost fearfully and runs his fingers across the finery of the etched leather. He puts a finger through one of the bullet loops.

"Well if you're going to be the Deputy Vince then you'll definitely be needing a gun. It goes with the job I'm afraid."

Vince looks up at Howard.

"I can shoot you know."

"You can?"

"Yes Howard. I'm pretty good as a matter of fact."

"Oh, right, sorry, I just assumed.."

Vince smiles.

"It's OK. I'm not offended. I don't carry a gun because I've never felt the need to. Plus I really don't like them very much."

Vince looks back at the belt and starts to wrap it around his hips, but he jerks to a stop as the muscles in his shoulder burn.

Monty steps forward.

"Here, let me."

"Thanks Monty. This really is a beauty of a holster. Are you sure you're happy to part with it?"

"Oh yes my boy. My shooting days are far behind me. Besides with things being as they are, and with all that's happened, you need to be able to defend yourself properly."

"I'll go sort you out a short barrel today Vince. I want you armed as quickly as possible."

"OK, thanks."

"I'll pick up a couple of extras too. And a rifle."

"You don't need to overdo it Howard."

"On the contrary Vince I think I do. One way or another things are going to come to a head with Bainbridge. We can't be too careful, or too defended."

Monty finishes doing up the holster and steps back. Howard takes a sharp intake of breathe.

"Wow!"

"Do I look alright?"

"You look more than alright Vince."

The only thing sparkling brighter than the silver studs are Vince's eyes. He stands with a huge smile on his face, hair lapping at his cheeks in the soft breeze, his thumbs hooked through the belt. His left foot is turned slightly inward in a manner somewhere between innocent and mischievous. What Monty wouldn't give to see Vince up on a stage under lights. Why the lad would break hearts nightly!

Monty looks at Howard who has a smile on his face bigger then Vince's. The two men are looking at each other with eyes so full of devotion it's a natural reaction for Monty to start smiling too.

Smiles all around until Vince suddenly keels forward.

"Arrghh!"

"Vince!"

Howard and Monty both rush forward to grab him before he sinks to the ground.

"I'm alright. I'm alright."

"Vince you're not alright."

"I am, it's just...arghh!"

"Vince?"

"Yeah, ow, yeah. I'm fine, just a spasm. Shit, that hurt. I'm OK. Just need to...ahh...go indoors maybe?"

"Can you walk?"

"Yep."

"I knew you were over doing it."

"I'll go and get Doctor Bamshoot."

"Thanks Monty, do you mind. I don't want to leave him."

"Stop fussing Howard, I'm OK."

"Vince shut up and lean on me for goodness sake. And yes Monty, the Doctor please."

"I'll be as quick as I can."

Monty leaves the sack on the veranda and scurries away towards the main street as quickly as his ageing legs can take him.

"Right you, inside now!"

Howard clamps his arm around Vince's waist and practically carries the younger man back into the jailhouse and toward the bedroom cell. Bobby Fossil jumps up to his bars as they pass.

"What's wrong with him? Is he alright?"

"No Fossil he's not. He had two tonne of shit kicked out of him yesterday and was nearly lynched in front of an angry mob. Of course he's not fucking alright!"

Vince squeezes the Sheriff's arm.

"Howard, go easy yeah. It's not Bobby's fault."

"Of course it's his fault. It's all their fault."

"Sheriff I'm sorry."

"It's a little late for apologies don't you think. You try saying that to the corpse of Lance Parrot, see what he thinks of your fucking 'sorry'..."

"Please Howard, leave him alone."

"...you make me sick the lot of you, thinking you can behave however you goddamn like. Well I won't put up with it any more Fossil..."

"I need to lie down."

"...this is it, the line in the sand. From now on I'm not taking yours or Bainbridge's or anybody's crap anymore you hear!"

"ugghh."

Vince slumps heavily against Howard's side causing the Sheriff to quickly refocus his attention.

"Shit!"

Howard scoops Vince up and rushes him through to his bed, laying him down gently. He hurriedly undoes the gun holster, pulls off Vince's boots and loosens his shirt and pants. He scours Vince's torso looking for any sign of change amongst the rainbow of bruises.

Vince puts a hand on his head.

"Relax Howard."

"Where does it hurt? Tell me. Is it your chest? Can you breathe ok? Is it your stomach? Can you feel pain in your stomach?"

"It hurts just because it hurts. Nothing's changed. I'm alright. Please just relax a bit yeah."

"You will keep scaring me Vince."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"And you're sure there's no new pain."

"There's no new pain. I think I was just standing up too long. I'm fine now. I just got a little woozy is all."

"Christ sake"

"I know, I'm a bit of a shambles aren't I?"

Howard kneels down beside the bed and strokes Vince's hair affectionately.

"Yeah you are, you're a right goddamn mess, but at least you're my mess."

"Your mess. Is that right?"

"Don't you want to be?"

Vince closes his eyes, Howard's strokes suddenly making him feel sleepy.

"Sheriff Moon, there is nothing in this world I want more."

.

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