Menagerie - A collection of Short Stories and Drabbles in the world of White Collar. (I don't own anything but I do like playing with the characters when I can.)

Drabbles #25 - Judgment's Thoughts (Finale Retrospect)

(friendship, angst, hurt/comfort, spoilers for season 3 Finale)

oOoOoOo

Neal gave his last and final speech to the commutation board but his heart was in a better place this time. He felt no need for showboating or even as Mozzie would call it, sucking up to the board. If anything happened he was happy to stay with Peter , his friends and new found family. That's all he needed and ever wanted as he said as much before the prying stares of the board. As he left the room, he felt a kind of lightness in his spirit he could almost call his first relaxed moment in years. His last moment of happiness, true happiness had been the day before he ran away on his 18th birthday. Ellen had just told him about the truth of his father and with that revelation his secure life as he knew had been shattered and he escaped. He'd spent years trying to find himself, stealing as he thought perhaps it was his heritage since his father was nothing more than a criminal. Why follow the law when the one person you put everything you believed in broke it?

His thoughts turned next to the time of his capture by Agent Burke... no Peter. The man was no longer a faceless "suit" in the crowd. Neither were his seconds Agent Barrigan and Jones. They were his friends and colleagues. Boss and partners. They were equals despite his past and with June's trust in him and Sara's forgiveness he could overcome any obstacle. No longer was he defined by what he had thought his life was to be. Ellen had told him his father didn't start off bad, the evil as she called it had come later. Much as he had stolen and lied, Neal had never killed or become truly evil. He thought of Keller's coldness and then the gleeful air that rang in Kramer's voice when he thought he had caught Neal in the act. Both men had let themselves fall into the dark side. They had learned not to care anymore for people. Peter had believed in him... did believe in him and now he had a real chance. Mozzie would be there at his side and New York would be his permanent home.

With these thoughts he found himself outside talking to Peter. The agent seemed distracted (possibly by his coming recommendation) as he brought up the Degas and Ellen. Neal told him the truth on the latter but his friend laughed thinking he was joking. He really had told no lies to Peter. Of all the people in his current life, he cherished their friendship the highest of all and he hoped when they spoke next he could tell Peter everything. The agent left for his part of the hearing leaving the conman alone. Neal walked the block in a slow circuit taking all the sights in and feeling more and more like he was home. Everything felt perfect.

It was nearly an hour later when he walked back towards the commutation building and saw Peter looking upset and angry. Kramer was on the steps talking to him with several Marshals in tow. Something stunk but he didn't know what as he stood just behind a statue and stared across at his friend. It was a few moments of worry that Peter wouldn't notice him and then... their eyes met. Brown and Blue; Earth and Sky; Grounded vs Cappucino in the clouds. There were so many emotions flowing between the two but only one that made him anxious as the agent slowly shook his head. Peter was telling him to go but it was more than that. Something had gone terribly wrong. Neal gave a tiny nod of his head back then disappeared into the crowd.

He had barely turned the corner to grab a cab when he saw Kramer and his men following Peter inside. For a moment he hesitated, some part of him longing to run back and protect his partner but the memory of that look told him it was best for him to leave and leave quickly. Neal sat in the cab and fidgeted the whole ride. He paid the driver, entered June's and ran up the stairs two at a time. Nobody was home so that was some consolation as he leaned back on his door and felt that old fear coming back: His world was falling apart again. Everything was crumbling around him but it wasn't his fault. This time he had no reason to feel blame or guilt and yet, just a tiny bit filled his spirit as he quickly ran to the large portrait by his bed and opened it up. He reached inside and pulled out a bag and quickly filled it with what he needed. There were other things to do but first things first. He found some tailors shears and walked over to the mirror as he propped up his left foot on the small table to remove his anklet. His eyes caught his reflection in the mirror and saw the fear, the unhappiness at losing a home again but he had to do this. SNIP!

Neal picked up the bag and anklet, walking over to the table and dropping the item on top. He stared at it a while, a very long time it seemed before his courage returned and he left the house. He grabbed another cab and quickly called up Mozz.

"Mon Frer..."

"Bring Lolana..."

He said nothing else as he heard a grunt of answer on the other end and the call was over. Neal pushed the phone into his pocket but not before thinking of others he could call... wanted to call but couldn't. He shook his head giving directions to the airport where he quickly bought a ticket and boarded the plane. His blue eyes stared out the window with wide eyed nervousness, the stewardess asking if he's afraid to fly but he shook his head and they left him alone. His fingers fumbled to put on the seat-belt and then she was there. Lolana bobbled and danced on the table between him and his guest. It was Mozz. They said nothing, only a look passing between them before the plane took off and they were on their way.

It was a long few minutes, they made their way down the runway and lifted up into the clouds. Many emotions ran through Neal's mind and he swallowed hard realizing the home he'd come to love might be lost to him forever. Peter was the first person on his mind followed by El then Sara and June. He hoped Diana wouldn't get in trouble for her helping him while wondering if Jones had said his piece at the hearing. So many thoughts ran through his mind but one face filled it: Peter's. He saw that last expression and the silent words he could only hear: Run...

(The End)