Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 26
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it. Lyrics are by Fiona Apple and used without permission.
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. Just moved and I had inventory. I know, excuses, excuses. Prepare for angst.
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By the time the sisters got in the Jeep to go to the club, Buffy seemed to have forgotten the incident in the bedroom. Or maybe she was just forcing herself to be nice since it was Dawn's birthday and death was looming on the horizon for said birthday girl. How kind of her to put aside her petty anger and let Dawn off the hook for something she didn't do. Dawn sighed and shook the hateful thoughts away. She was determined to have the night of her life. Well, nothing could top last night but tonight was going to rate right up there.
The club was full as it usually was on a Saturday night. The gang hadn't been able to rent the whole place so they had booked the space in the back. It was roped off and two tables had been pulled together. Wow, they went all out. Everyone was accounted for except Spike and Dawn's mood darkened a little in his absence. They had all pitched in and bought her an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins, which she would always love no matter how old she got. When after thirty minutes he still hadn't shown up, Dawn excused herself and headed for the pay phone in the hallway that lead to the bathrooms. She dialed his number and waited. It rang at least 10 times and she knew there was no answering machine to pick up so she finally gave up and slammed the phone down. She huffed and turned to lean against the wall.
************************************
Spike had seen her walk in. She looked exquisite. And he hadn't been the only male to take notice. The dress hugged her body, as he'd known it would and the material dipped to show off the creamy expanse of her back. Her hair was different. It had been cut shorter and now just brushed her shoulders and curved around her face. She was a vision. He saw her looking for him and could tell she was upset he wasn't there. She deposited her bag on the reserved table and he saw her tell her mates she'd be back as she made her way through the throng to the back. Buffy was watching her. She'd opted to wear red as if in direct defiance of the color Spike had chosen for Dawn. Also, Buffy knew red was Spike's favorite color. Had that played into her choice, he wondered? She looked beautiful as well but his eyes were on the woman in blue.
He crept down the balcony stairs and followed Dawn down the hallway, ducking into the utility closet to wait. He heard her force the handle of the phone down hard and let out of a puff of breath in frustration. She pushed herself away from the wall and was making her way down the narrow hall when she was suddenly pulled into a dark room and plunged into blackness when the door was slammed shut. She only felt a moment of fear before she sensed it was him and smelled his scent. He pushed her against the wall and found her mouth with his own. She moaned softly as his hand made it way up her bare thigh to clutch at the skin there.
"God, I missed you," he breathed against her mouth. His lips moved to her cheeks then her closed eyelids as he mapped out her face with kisses.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered pulling at his clothes and wishing them away.
"Like your presents?"
"Liking this one better," she smiled in the dark. He chuckled and moved his hand further up her leg until he brushed where her body was the hottest. She gasped and bit her lip as he pushed the cloth of her panties aside and reminded her of just how talented his fingers were. She nearly screamed as waves of pleasure crashed over her. At the moment of her release, he covered her mouth with his so that he swallowed any sounds she might have made. When her breathing had returned to normal and her heart had slowed, he let her go and helped her straighten her mussed clothing.
"You drive me crazy," he whispered into her ear. She laughed and pulled him to her in a tight hug.
"Tonight I'll give you a present for my birthday, how bout that?" She promised. He groaned and with one last scorching kiss, pulled the door open and followed her out into the blaring noise of the club.
Dawn could tell the Scooby gang wasn't exactly thrilled he was there. Xander just glared from across the table until Anya pulled him out to the dance floor. Willow and Tara, who had finally made amends, followed close behind the engaged couple. That left Buffy, Dawn and Spike sitting uncomfortably alone.
A voice from behind them startled all three.
"Hey, Dawn."
The girl turned so fast she nearly fell off the stool she was sitting on.
"Kevin?" She asked in disbelief. The boy stood there awkwardly, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets.
"You look amazing."
Dawn could hear the low growl coming from Spike and she threw a pleading look his way.
"Thanks. It's my birthday. We're just having a little party." She explained.
"Oh, wow, happy birthday then. Um, do you want to dance?" He asked, gesturing toward the crowded dance floor.
Dawn was torn. She didn't want to hurt Kevin's feelings but she didn't want Spike to tear him to shreds either.
"Um, sure. Just give me a second okay?"
Kevin nodded with a sappy smile on his face and walked a little ways from the table to wait for her. She immediately turned to Spike and could see the sparks of yellow amidst the blue. She took his hand and pulled him towards her as if she needed to tell him something and couldn't be heard over the loud music.
"I love you," she whispered. He pulled back in surprise and realized what she was saying. No matter what, it was him she wanted to be with. He relaxed and squeezed her hand quickly.
"I know." He shrugged, as if he'd never doubted it. She laughed and slid off the stool to meet Kevin on the dance floor. The song was fast so they didn't have to get to close, which didn't seem to suit Kevin to well.
Once Dawn was gone, Spike looked over and realized Buffy was staring at him.
"What?" He asked defensively.
"Kind of went overboard on the birthday presents don't you think? A little intimate to be buying her stuff like that." Buffy nodded toward Dawn as if Spike wouldn't remember what he'd gotten her.
"You only turn sixteen once. Wanted it to be special." He explained.
"Oh, I'm sure it was very special."
Spike had just taken a swig of beer and nearly spewed it out at her accusatory tone.
"What's your problem now, Slayer?" He asked angrily, slamming the bottle onto the Formica tabletop.
"I'm not an idiot, Spike. Don't let the highlights fool you. You weren't here and then Dawn goes to the phone and comes back with you in tow all flushed and breathless? You're kidding me, right? Go ahead. Tell me nothing happened back there with you two. Convince me that you and my sister aren't sleeping together. I want to see you try and make me believe it." She said, moving closer till they were nearly face to face. He acted as if he were gearing up to fight with her when suddenly his shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.
"Dammit, Buffy, you're the one that said I had a lot to offer her. You're the one that said I shouldn't give up. Well you were right. Dawn loves me and I love her. She's my whole bleedin' world and I'm just ashamed it took me till now to realize it. So get mad, hell, try to stake me even, but that's the way it is. I'm in love with her. I never knew what love was till her. And if feels bloody wonderful. I've never felt like this in my whole existence and if it all ended tonight and I wound up dust it would have been worth it." He said fervently. Buffy was so shocked by his answer she sat back speechless. She honestly thought he was going to try and lie to her not admit to taking her sister's innocence.
"So I was right. You didn't love me. It was all just some sick obsession." Her voice trembled and she could have kicked herself for the pain these thoughts caused and that she'd even broached the subject. Right, cause it's all about Buffy.
"No. I did love you, but not like this. I was in love with someone who didn't exist. And God knows it was all one sided. But to have it returned with such..passion and honesty, it's the most humbling thing that's ever happened to me, Buffy. So you can be pissed if you want and you can try to keep me from her, but only death will keep me away from her so you better be ready to do the deed." He finished, taking a deep pull from his bottle.
Buffy couldn't hear anything. It's as if the club and all the noise had faded away. If there was one thing she thought she could count on for the rest of her life if was Spike's affection for her. And now that was gone. And she had no one to blame but herself. She turned her head until her gaze fell on her sister who was laughing and dancing with her friend from school. For one moment, she felt such blinding jealousy she was almost sick. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes but she refused to allow it. She would not break down in front of Spike. Suddenly she felt his hand on hers and she turned quickly to meet his worried blue gaze.
"I'd give my life for her, Buffy. I swear I'll never hurt her and I'll treat her like a queen till I'm dust. I swear it."
She simply looked down at his hand on hers and listened to her heart breaking in her chest. This could have all been hers. The thought kept circling through her brain as if on a track. And suddenly she realized she wanted him to have this. To make up for every horrible thing she'd ever done to him and to Dawn, she wanted them to be happy. Someone sure as hell should be. Her heart lightened a little and she looked up into his expectant face.
"I know you will, Spike. I'd expect nothing less from you."
His face split into a grin and she briefly glimpsed William in him. He squeezed her hand and jumped off the stool to find Dawn. The lights went down and a slow song started to pour from the speakers. Buffy saw Spike push Kevin away softly and step between him and Dawn. He pulled her to him and Buffy could see the way Dawn looked at him that she was lost.
The music drifted around them hazily as the swayed together. The female singer's deep, sultry voice spun its web around the couples clinging to each other on the dance floor.
"Darling, give me your absence tonight
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside
And don't bother leaving the light on
'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion.
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
A vacancy that just did not belong
The child is gone"
Buffy watched them as they danced, seeing the world disappear for them as they were so wrapped up in each other. She could see Xander trying his best to keep an eye on them and the look of fury he had at the proximity of Spike to Dawn. It was almost comical to watch his head appear above the crowd and then disappear again as Anya pulled him back to her. She hadn't even realized the tears had slipped passed her defenses until one fell onto the back of her hand. There was a strange hollowness inside of her and she honestly wondered if it would ever go away. It had been winter in her soul for so long now and she was desperate for the summer. When God closes a door isn't he supposed to open a window somewhere?
Unaware of her pain, the music swelled around her.
"Honey help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say
So my darling, give me your absence tonight
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right
I'm trying to find a place where I belong
And I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
As the darkness turns into dawn
The child is gone
The child is gone"
The Scoobies eventually made their way back to the table, all of them with their gazes trained on the dancing couple. Xander reached the table with murder in his eyes.
"Okay, what the hell is going on and why isn't Spike sporting a nice, splintery stake through the heart?" His face was red with anger. When Buffy didn't respond he spoke louder.
"Hello? Am I the only one here who sees Spike molesting your little sister in front of a room full of people?"
Willow touched Buffy's arm and the girl actually jumped as if she had been unaware that the other four people even stood there. That's when the witch noticed Buffy's stricken expression and the tears that pooled in her hazel eyes.
"Buffy, are you okay? What happened?"
"Look at them, Willow. Should I punish them for being in love?"
Willow nearly yelled out "What?!" but restrained herself and simply did what Buffy asked. She looked out at Dawn and Spike and tried to pretend she didn't know them. She wanted to see them as everyone else here saw them and when she was finally able to do it, what she saw was blinding.
She had never seen either with such a look of joy on their faces. That is how Tara looked at her and it was how she felt the day she realized she was in love with Tara. Oh, God.
"Spike's in love with Dawn." Willow realized aloud. Xander sputtered and spit but was unable to form coherent words.
"Looks like." Tara agreed, also seeing what Willow saw. Anya only nodded as if she had known all along.
"Are you all insane? Have we all been thrown into Bizarro world where it's okay for Spike to be groping Dawn Summers? Can someone please tell me why you're all standing there as if this is okay?"
"Because it has to be, Xander. I can't kill Spike because he's in love with my sister. Where would be the justification in that? And it would only leave Dawn hating me for the rest of her life. And our lives are just too short for that Xander. I know you don't like him but you have to know he would never hurt her. You must know that. You left her alone with him while I was dead without a second thought because in your heart you knew he would protect her till the end."
The boy still stood there red-faced and open-mouthed in disbelief. The world he knew was now totally unfamiliar to him and all his friends had obviously been possessed.
"Well if you won't stop it I sure as hell will," he said firmly and started to head towards them. But Slayer strength was suddenly being used on him and he found himself sitting down suddenly and forcibly on a stool. Buffy stood over him with what Willow liked to call "resolve face".
"You will do nothing, Xander Harris. If you love me and if you love Dawn you will sit right here and enjoy the rest of this night. I will not let you cause a scene and ruin Dawn's birthday. You want to give Spike the whole 'hurt her and you're dead speech' that's fine by me but not here and not now, you got it?"
He nodded his head quickly so as not to incur her wrath and turned meekly to the table so he wouldn't have to watch the vampire he loathed practically making out with the girl who had once had a huge crush on him herself.
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Spike felt as if his life could just not get any better than it was at this moment. The woman he loved was pressed against him, looking up at him as if he were the only man in the world and no one had tried to kill him yet. He knew he was pushing the envelope by holding her so close and stealing kisses. Even if Buffy had sort of given him her blessing he knew the others had not and each of them had the power to hurt him in their own right. But at this moment, he just couldn't bring himself to care. He knew there would be things that had to be resolved and problems to work through but at this moment everything was perfect.
The heat from the people around them and from Dawn's body had warmed him until he felt almost human. It was then that he realized he was more than warm, he was burning up. Only it wasn't him. He pulled himself out of his blissful state and realized that Dawn was looking up at him with fear evident on her face. She pushed away from him and looked down. A faint green glow, centered around her middle, pulsed dimly in the dark club. She looked up again with a question in her huge blue eyes.
"Spike?" She questioned as she suddenly collapsed onto the wooden floor. People began to scream as a blinding green light suddenly erupted from Dawn's chest and punctured a hole in the ceiling above her. The crowd began to run for the door as Spike held onto Dawn's shaking body.
"Oh, God, no please no." He chanted over and over, desperate to help her but not knowing what to do. His hands fluttered over her trying to find somewhere to land where they might do some good but there was nothing he could do to stop the light.
"Dawn! Don't you leave me! Do you hear? Don't you dare leave me? You push it away! You fight dammit! You fight it!" He yelled at her and willed her grabbing her shoulders and shaking her.
"God, Spike it burns," she whispered hoarsely as the light that had just been at her chest started to envelope her entire body. The rest of the gang was now standing around her and Buffy mirrored Spike's position on Dawn's other side.
"Dawnie, you can do this! You have to make it go away! Come on sweetie, just like last time! You can do this!" Buffy yelled at her grasping her sister's hand tightly as if that alone could keep her in this world.
But the girl was passed hearing them. She turned her tear stained face to Spike and in a last ditch effort reached out to touch his face.
"I love you," she breathed and suddenly her body convulsed and the light engulfed her and he was holding nothing but air.
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They all sat in stunned silence for what seemed like ages until what had just happened registered in Buffy's brain.
"No. No. No. This can't happen. It can't happen. It didn't happen. She's still here we just have to find her. We just have to look." The petite blond chanted blankly and rose from the floor and started to search with unseeing eyes. Willow was weeping openly and took Buffy in her arms to stop her.
"Buffy, stop it. She's not here. She's gone. She's gone." Willow sobbed into Buffy's hair. She was nearly thrown off balance when the Slayer passed out.
Xander just continued to stare at the place where his little Dawnie had only moments ago been standing as if in utter disbelief. His own tears were making silent tracks down his face as Anya buried her face in his chest and cried. Tara was helping Willow lower Buffy to the floor and fanning the Slayer's face with a paper plate they had brought for the cake. No one even noticed Spike.
He sat limply on the floor; his hands still clutched as if holding her. His words running through his head over and over. "Only death will keep me away from her." On some level he knew that his body was just a shell that housed a demon, but he had never felt that way until this moment. He felt like a dried out husk and all that had been him had just gone up in flames. His whole being was numb and he could not bring himself to move from this spot where she had fallen. They had to let him stay here. They could pour bronze over him and create a statue of him in memory of her but he did not want to leave this place. Because this is where his soul had left him and he would never be the same.
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Someone had called 911 because an ambulance showed up about ten minutes later. Thinking Buffy was the reason they had been called, the paramedics put her on a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. Tara and Willow rode with them. They would call Giles as soon as they reached the hospital. The police were also there trying to find out what had happened. They tried to get Spike off the floor but he was dead weight. Xander begged them to leave the vampire alone because in his grief Spike might lash out at them. He lied and said that Buffy had collapsed and she and Spike were together so he was traumatized. He promised the cop he would take care of the seemingly comatose man. Xander urged Anya to take the car and go to Giles. He would need someone with him. Finally the police left and the curious crowd dispersed.
Everything was dark now. The owner's of the club had put a tarp over the hole in the ceiling and turned off all but the emergency lights so everything glowed with an eerie red tint.
Xander stood back for a few moments not really sure what to do now. He didn't want to startle Spike and wind up getting torn apart, regardless of the chip. He approached slowly and sat down in front of the vampire. He reached out and touched Spike's arm.
"Hey, Spike, we've gotta go, buddy. They want to lock the place up and I need to get you home." There was nothing. Spike simply stared at the floor seeing nothing.
"Spike, man, come on. You've got to snap out of it. You can't sit here forever. The sun will be up soon and I need to get you to your place."
"The sun."
Xander was so startled to hear the vampire's voice he nearly yelped in surprise.
"She was my sun."
Xander went cold at his words.
"She was my Dawn. She was my sun. And now she's gone. So I'll sit here until she rises and then maybe they'll let me be with her again. Do you think they will?"
Xander had never liked this creature sitting in front of him. He had felt pity for him at times and now was no different. He had not stopped the slow slide of tears since it had happened and at Spike's words they only came heavier.
"God, Spike, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine if something like this happened to Anya. I can't begin to know what you're feeling right now but I am so sorry." Unbelieving he was even doing this he pulled the vampire to him and rested his blond head against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," Xander cried. It was then that Spike broke. At the feel of a human's comfort all the pain inside unleashed itself and he began to sob loudly. Xander just held on.
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It was at least an hour later when Xander realized that Spike had stopped crying and had fallen into an exhausted stupor. Lucky for him, Spike wasn't a big guy. He stood and picked up the sleeping man, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him outside to get a cab. He got to the apartment and let himself in with Spike's key. He put Spike to bed and closed the door softly. He leaned his forehead against the wooden door and took a deep breath.
He stood and moved down the hall to the open door on his right. He just couldn't stop himself from going in. He flipped on the light switch and covered his mouth as the scream of pain tried to get out. She was really gone. The vibrant light in all their lives had gone out. He turned off the light quickly and shut the door. He knew he would have to stay. When Spike woke up he would need someone there to keep him from doing anything stupid. Funny, how just hours before he's been ready to kill the vampire and now he was trying to prevent his death.
Xander curled up on the couch and closed his dry, weary eyes.
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Giles burst through the hospital doors with Anya hot on his heels. She had tried to explain everything in the car but Giles had barely heard her after the part about Dawn being gone. Buffy had already lost so much. How could whoever was in charge of these things take her sister as well? He was furious as he marched up to the information desk and demanded to see her.
"Sir, she's been sedated and is in a secluded room. She woke up screaming and hysterical so we gave her something to calm her. Are you her father?" The question stopped him cold. No one had called Hank Summers. But how would they explain? Your daughter was a mystical key and in trying to leave your daughter's body it burned her to nothing. Yeah, he'd go for that.
"Yes, I'm her father." He said without hesitation.
"Right this way." The nurse led him to the end of the corridor and opened a door.
"She's sleeping deeply. You can stay for five minutes but that's all. She needs rest."
Giles nodded and walked into the semi-dark room. Buffy lay pale and cold under the white hospital sheets. Her skin nearly matched the blanket. She looked so frail, nothing like the warrior he knew her to be. He could not stand to stay for five minutes. He turned and made his way to the lobby to find the others. When he saw them they all started to cry and talk at once trying to tell him what had happened.
"Where is Spike?" He asked suddenly. They all stopped and looked at each other as if they had just noticed he wasn't there.
"Xander stayed with him I think. The manager wanted to close up and Spike wouldn't move. Xander was going to take him home and stay with him." Anya informed him.
Ironic what circumstances like this did to people, Giles thought. He gathered his little family to him in one big embrace and together they mourned under the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights, waiting for their Slayer to awake.
TBC
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it. Lyrics are by Fiona Apple and used without permission.
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. Just moved and I had inventory. I know, excuses, excuses. Prepare for angst.
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By the time the sisters got in the Jeep to go to the club, Buffy seemed to have forgotten the incident in the bedroom. Or maybe she was just forcing herself to be nice since it was Dawn's birthday and death was looming on the horizon for said birthday girl. How kind of her to put aside her petty anger and let Dawn off the hook for something she didn't do. Dawn sighed and shook the hateful thoughts away. She was determined to have the night of her life. Well, nothing could top last night but tonight was going to rate right up there.
The club was full as it usually was on a Saturday night. The gang hadn't been able to rent the whole place so they had booked the space in the back. It was roped off and two tables had been pulled together. Wow, they went all out. Everyone was accounted for except Spike and Dawn's mood darkened a little in his absence. They had all pitched in and bought her an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins, which she would always love no matter how old she got. When after thirty minutes he still hadn't shown up, Dawn excused herself and headed for the pay phone in the hallway that lead to the bathrooms. She dialed his number and waited. It rang at least 10 times and she knew there was no answering machine to pick up so she finally gave up and slammed the phone down. She huffed and turned to lean against the wall.
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Spike had seen her walk in. She looked exquisite. And he hadn't been the only male to take notice. The dress hugged her body, as he'd known it would and the material dipped to show off the creamy expanse of her back. Her hair was different. It had been cut shorter and now just brushed her shoulders and curved around her face. She was a vision. He saw her looking for him and could tell she was upset he wasn't there. She deposited her bag on the reserved table and he saw her tell her mates she'd be back as she made her way through the throng to the back. Buffy was watching her. She'd opted to wear red as if in direct defiance of the color Spike had chosen for Dawn. Also, Buffy knew red was Spike's favorite color. Had that played into her choice, he wondered? She looked beautiful as well but his eyes were on the woman in blue.
He crept down the balcony stairs and followed Dawn down the hallway, ducking into the utility closet to wait. He heard her force the handle of the phone down hard and let out of a puff of breath in frustration. She pushed herself away from the wall and was making her way down the narrow hall when she was suddenly pulled into a dark room and plunged into blackness when the door was slammed shut. She only felt a moment of fear before she sensed it was him and smelled his scent. He pushed her against the wall and found her mouth with his own. She moaned softly as his hand made it way up her bare thigh to clutch at the skin there.
"God, I missed you," he breathed against her mouth. His lips moved to her cheeks then her closed eyelids as he mapped out her face with kisses.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered pulling at his clothes and wishing them away.
"Like your presents?"
"Liking this one better," she smiled in the dark. He chuckled and moved his hand further up her leg until he brushed where her body was the hottest. She gasped and bit her lip as he pushed the cloth of her panties aside and reminded her of just how talented his fingers were. She nearly screamed as waves of pleasure crashed over her. At the moment of her release, he covered her mouth with his so that he swallowed any sounds she might have made. When her breathing had returned to normal and her heart had slowed, he let her go and helped her straighten her mussed clothing.
"You drive me crazy," he whispered into her ear. She laughed and pulled him to her in a tight hug.
"Tonight I'll give you a present for my birthday, how bout that?" She promised. He groaned and with one last scorching kiss, pulled the door open and followed her out into the blaring noise of the club.
Dawn could tell the Scooby gang wasn't exactly thrilled he was there. Xander just glared from across the table until Anya pulled him out to the dance floor. Willow and Tara, who had finally made amends, followed close behind the engaged couple. That left Buffy, Dawn and Spike sitting uncomfortably alone.
A voice from behind them startled all three.
"Hey, Dawn."
The girl turned so fast she nearly fell off the stool she was sitting on.
"Kevin?" She asked in disbelief. The boy stood there awkwardly, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets.
"You look amazing."
Dawn could hear the low growl coming from Spike and she threw a pleading look his way.
"Thanks. It's my birthday. We're just having a little party." She explained.
"Oh, wow, happy birthday then. Um, do you want to dance?" He asked, gesturing toward the crowded dance floor.
Dawn was torn. She didn't want to hurt Kevin's feelings but she didn't want Spike to tear him to shreds either.
"Um, sure. Just give me a second okay?"
Kevin nodded with a sappy smile on his face and walked a little ways from the table to wait for her. She immediately turned to Spike and could see the sparks of yellow amidst the blue. She took his hand and pulled him towards her as if she needed to tell him something and couldn't be heard over the loud music.
"I love you," she whispered. He pulled back in surprise and realized what she was saying. No matter what, it was him she wanted to be with. He relaxed and squeezed her hand quickly.
"I know." He shrugged, as if he'd never doubted it. She laughed and slid off the stool to meet Kevin on the dance floor. The song was fast so they didn't have to get to close, which didn't seem to suit Kevin to well.
Once Dawn was gone, Spike looked over and realized Buffy was staring at him.
"What?" He asked defensively.
"Kind of went overboard on the birthday presents don't you think? A little intimate to be buying her stuff like that." Buffy nodded toward Dawn as if Spike wouldn't remember what he'd gotten her.
"You only turn sixteen once. Wanted it to be special." He explained.
"Oh, I'm sure it was very special."
Spike had just taken a swig of beer and nearly spewed it out at her accusatory tone.
"What's your problem now, Slayer?" He asked angrily, slamming the bottle onto the Formica tabletop.
"I'm not an idiot, Spike. Don't let the highlights fool you. You weren't here and then Dawn goes to the phone and comes back with you in tow all flushed and breathless? You're kidding me, right? Go ahead. Tell me nothing happened back there with you two. Convince me that you and my sister aren't sleeping together. I want to see you try and make me believe it." She said, moving closer till they were nearly face to face. He acted as if he were gearing up to fight with her when suddenly his shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.
"Dammit, Buffy, you're the one that said I had a lot to offer her. You're the one that said I shouldn't give up. Well you were right. Dawn loves me and I love her. She's my whole bleedin' world and I'm just ashamed it took me till now to realize it. So get mad, hell, try to stake me even, but that's the way it is. I'm in love with her. I never knew what love was till her. And if feels bloody wonderful. I've never felt like this in my whole existence and if it all ended tonight and I wound up dust it would have been worth it." He said fervently. Buffy was so shocked by his answer she sat back speechless. She honestly thought he was going to try and lie to her not admit to taking her sister's innocence.
"So I was right. You didn't love me. It was all just some sick obsession." Her voice trembled and she could have kicked herself for the pain these thoughts caused and that she'd even broached the subject. Right, cause it's all about Buffy.
"No. I did love you, but not like this. I was in love with someone who didn't exist. And God knows it was all one sided. But to have it returned with such..passion and honesty, it's the most humbling thing that's ever happened to me, Buffy. So you can be pissed if you want and you can try to keep me from her, but only death will keep me away from her so you better be ready to do the deed." He finished, taking a deep pull from his bottle.
Buffy couldn't hear anything. It's as if the club and all the noise had faded away. If there was one thing she thought she could count on for the rest of her life if was Spike's affection for her. And now that was gone. And she had no one to blame but herself. She turned her head until her gaze fell on her sister who was laughing and dancing with her friend from school. For one moment, she felt such blinding jealousy she was almost sick. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes but she refused to allow it. She would not break down in front of Spike. Suddenly she felt his hand on hers and she turned quickly to meet his worried blue gaze.
"I'd give my life for her, Buffy. I swear I'll never hurt her and I'll treat her like a queen till I'm dust. I swear it."
She simply looked down at his hand on hers and listened to her heart breaking in her chest. This could have all been hers. The thought kept circling through her brain as if on a track. And suddenly she realized she wanted him to have this. To make up for every horrible thing she'd ever done to him and to Dawn, she wanted them to be happy. Someone sure as hell should be. Her heart lightened a little and she looked up into his expectant face.
"I know you will, Spike. I'd expect nothing less from you."
His face split into a grin and she briefly glimpsed William in him. He squeezed her hand and jumped off the stool to find Dawn. The lights went down and a slow song started to pour from the speakers. Buffy saw Spike push Kevin away softly and step between him and Dawn. He pulled her to him and Buffy could see the way Dawn looked at him that she was lost.
The music drifted around them hazily as the swayed together. The female singer's deep, sultry voice spun its web around the couples clinging to each other on the dance floor.
"Darling, give me your absence tonight
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside
And don't bother leaving the light on
'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion.
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
A vacancy that just did not belong
The child is gone"
Buffy watched them as they danced, seeing the world disappear for them as they were so wrapped up in each other. She could see Xander trying his best to keep an eye on them and the look of fury he had at the proximity of Spike to Dawn. It was almost comical to watch his head appear above the crowd and then disappear again as Anya pulled him back to her. She hadn't even realized the tears had slipped passed her defenses until one fell onto the back of her hand. There was a strange hollowness inside of her and she honestly wondered if it would ever go away. It had been winter in her soul for so long now and she was desperate for the summer. When God closes a door isn't he supposed to open a window somewhere?
Unaware of her pain, the music swelled around her.
"Honey help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say
So my darling, give me your absence tonight
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right
I'm trying to find a place where I belong
And I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul comes a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
As the darkness turns into dawn
The child is gone
The child is gone"
The Scoobies eventually made their way back to the table, all of them with their gazes trained on the dancing couple. Xander reached the table with murder in his eyes.
"Okay, what the hell is going on and why isn't Spike sporting a nice, splintery stake through the heart?" His face was red with anger. When Buffy didn't respond he spoke louder.
"Hello? Am I the only one here who sees Spike molesting your little sister in front of a room full of people?"
Willow touched Buffy's arm and the girl actually jumped as if she had been unaware that the other four people even stood there. That's when the witch noticed Buffy's stricken expression and the tears that pooled in her hazel eyes.
"Buffy, are you okay? What happened?"
"Look at them, Willow. Should I punish them for being in love?"
Willow nearly yelled out "What?!" but restrained herself and simply did what Buffy asked. She looked out at Dawn and Spike and tried to pretend she didn't know them. She wanted to see them as everyone else here saw them and when she was finally able to do it, what she saw was blinding.
She had never seen either with such a look of joy on their faces. That is how Tara looked at her and it was how she felt the day she realized she was in love with Tara. Oh, God.
"Spike's in love with Dawn." Willow realized aloud. Xander sputtered and spit but was unable to form coherent words.
"Looks like." Tara agreed, also seeing what Willow saw. Anya only nodded as if she had known all along.
"Are you all insane? Have we all been thrown into Bizarro world where it's okay for Spike to be groping Dawn Summers? Can someone please tell me why you're all standing there as if this is okay?"
"Because it has to be, Xander. I can't kill Spike because he's in love with my sister. Where would be the justification in that? And it would only leave Dawn hating me for the rest of her life. And our lives are just too short for that Xander. I know you don't like him but you have to know he would never hurt her. You must know that. You left her alone with him while I was dead without a second thought because in your heart you knew he would protect her till the end."
The boy still stood there red-faced and open-mouthed in disbelief. The world he knew was now totally unfamiliar to him and all his friends had obviously been possessed.
"Well if you won't stop it I sure as hell will," he said firmly and started to head towards them. But Slayer strength was suddenly being used on him and he found himself sitting down suddenly and forcibly on a stool. Buffy stood over him with what Willow liked to call "resolve face".
"You will do nothing, Xander Harris. If you love me and if you love Dawn you will sit right here and enjoy the rest of this night. I will not let you cause a scene and ruin Dawn's birthday. You want to give Spike the whole 'hurt her and you're dead speech' that's fine by me but not here and not now, you got it?"
He nodded his head quickly so as not to incur her wrath and turned meekly to the table so he wouldn't have to watch the vampire he loathed practically making out with the girl who had once had a huge crush on him herself.
***************************************
Spike felt as if his life could just not get any better than it was at this moment. The woman he loved was pressed against him, looking up at him as if he were the only man in the world and no one had tried to kill him yet. He knew he was pushing the envelope by holding her so close and stealing kisses. Even if Buffy had sort of given him her blessing he knew the others had not and each of them had the power to hurt him in their own right. But at this moment, he just couldn't bring himself to care. He knew there would be things that had to be resolved and problems to work through but at this moment everything was perfect.
The heat from the people around them and from Dawn's body had warmed him until he felt almost human. It was then that he realized he was more than warm, he was burning up. Only it wasn't him. He pulled himself out of his blissful state and realized that Dawn was looking up at him with fear evident on her face. She pushed away from him and looked down. A faint green glow, centered around her middle, pulsed dimly in the dark club. She looked up again with a question in her huge blue eyes.
"Spike?" She questioned as she suddenly collapsed onto the wooden floor. People began to scream as a blinding green light suddenly erupted from Dawn's chest and punctured a hole in the ceiling above her. The crowd began to run for the door as Spike held onto Dawn's shaking body.
"Oh, God, no please no." He chanted over and over, desperate to help her but not knowing what to do. His hands fluttered over her trying to find somewhere to land where they might do some good but there was nothing he could do to stop the light.
"Dawn! Don't you leave me! Do you hear? Don't you dare leave me? You push it away! You fight dammit! You fight it!" He yelled at her and willed her grabbing her shoulders and shaking her.
"God, Spike it burns," she whispered hoarsely as the light that had just been at her chest started to envelope her entire body. The rest of the gang was now standing around her and Buffy mirrored Spike's position on Dawn's other side.
"Dawnie, you can do this! You have to make it go away! Come on sweetie, just like last time! You can do this!" Buffy yelled at her grasping her sister's hand tightly as if that alone could keep her in this world.
But the girl was passed hearing them. She turned her tear stained face to Spike and in a last ditch effort reached out to touch his face.
"I love you," she breathed and suddenly her body convulsed and the light engulfed her and he was holding nothing but air.
**************************************
They all sat in stunned silence for what seemed like ages until what had just happened registered in Buffy's brain.
"No. No. No. This can't happen. It can't happen. It didn't happen. She's still here we just have to find her. We just have to look." The petite blond chanted blankly and rose from the floor and started to search with unseeing eyes. Willow was weeping openly and took Buffy in her arms to stop her.
"Buffy, stop it. She's not here. She's gone. She's gone." Willow sobbed into Buffy's hair. She was nearly thrown off balance when the Slayer passed out.
Xander just continued to stare at the place where his little Dawnie had only moments ago been standing as if in utter disbelief. His own tears were making silent tracks down his face as Anya buried her face in his chest and cried. Tara was helping Willow lower Buffy to the floor and fanning the Slayer's face with a paper plate they had brought for the cake. No one even noticed Spike.
He sat limply on the floor; his hands still clutched as if holding her. His words running through his head over and over. "Only death will keep me away from her." On some level he knew that his body was just a shell that housed a demon, but he had never felt that way until this moment. He felt like a dried out husk and all that had been him had just gone up in flames. His whole being was numb and he could not bring himself to move from this spot where she had fallen. They had to let him stay here. They could pour bronze over him and create a statue of him in memory of her but he did not want to leave this place. Because this is where his soul had left him and he would never be the same.
*******************************
Someone had called 911 because an ambulance showed up about ten minutes later. Thinking Buffy was the reason they had been called, the paramedics put her on a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. Tara and Willow rode with them. They would call Giles as soon as they reached the hospital. The police were also there trying to find out what had happened. They tried to get Spike off the floor but he was dead weight. Xander begged them to leave the vampire alone because in his grief Spike might lash out at them. He lied and said that Buffy had collapsed and she and Spike were together so he was traumatized. He promised the cop he would take care of the seemingly comatose man. Xander urged Anya to take the car and go to Giles. He would need someone with him. Finally the police left and the curious crowd dispersed.
Everything was dark now. The owner's of the club had put a tarp over the hole in the ceiling and turned off all but the emergency lights so everything glowed with an eerie red tint.
Xander stood back for a few moments not really sure what to do now. He didn't want to startle Spike and wind up getting torn apart, regardless of the chip. He approached slowly and sat down in front of the vampire. He reached out and touched Spike's arm.
"Hey, Spike, we've gotta go, buddy. They want to lock the place up and I need to get you home." There was nothing. Spike simply stared at the floor seeing nothing.
"Spike, man, come on. You've got to snap out of it. You can't sit here forever. The sun will be up soon and I need to get you to your place."
"The sun."
Xander was so startled to hear the vampire's voice he nearly yelped in surprise.
"She was my sun."
Xander went cold at his words.
"She was my Dawn. She was my sun. And now she's gone. So I'll sit here until she rises and then maybe they'll let me be with her again. Do you think they will?"
Xander had never liked this creature sitting in front of him. He had felt pity for him at times and now was no different. He had not stopped the slow slide of tears since it had happened and at Spike's words they only came heavier.
"God, Spike, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine if something like this happened to Anya. I can't begin to know what you're feeling right now but I am so sorry." Unbelieving he was even doing this he pulled the vampire to him and rested his blond head against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," Xander cried. It was then that Spike broke. At the feel of a human's comfort all the pain inside unleashed itself and he began to sob loudly. Xander just held on.
****************************************
It was at least an hour later when Xander realized that Spike had stopped crying and had fallen into an exhausted stupor. Lucky for him, Spike wasn't a big guy. He stood and picked up the sleeping man, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him outside to get a cab. He got to the apartment and let himself in with Spike's key. He put Spike to bed and closed the door softly. He leaned his forehead against the wooden door and took a deep breath.
He stood and moved down the hall to the open door on his right. He just couldn't stop himself from going in. He flipped on the light switch and covered his mouth as the scream of pain tried to get out. She was really gone. The vibrant light in all their lives had gone out. He turned off the light quickly and shut the door. He knew he would have to stay. When Spike woke up he would need someone there to keep him from doing anything stupid. Funny, how just hours before he's been ready to kill the vampire and now he was trying to prevent his death.
Xander curled up on the couch and closed his dry, weary eyes.
***************************************
Giles burst through the hospital doors with Anya hot on his heels. She had tried to explain everything in the car but Giles had barely heard her after the part about Dawn being gone. Buffy had already lost so much. How could whoever was in charge of these things take her sister as well? He was furious as he marched up to the information desk and demanded to see her.
"Sir, she's been sedated and is in a secluded room. She woke up screaming and hysterical so we gave her something to calm her. Are you her father?" The question stopped him cold. No one had called Hank Summers. But how would they explain? Your daughter was a mystical key and in trying to leave your daughter's body it burned her to nothing. Yeah, he'd go for that.
"Yes, I'm her father." He said without hesitation.
"Right this way." The nurse led him to the end of the corridor and opened a door.
"She's sleeping deeply. You can stay for five minutes but that's all. She needs rest."
Giles nodded and walked into the semi-dark room. Buffy lay pale and cold under the white hospital sheets. Her skin nearly matched the blanket. She looked so frail, nothing like the warrior he knew her to be. He could not stand to stay for five minutes. He turned and made his way to the lobby to find the others. When he saw them they all started to cry and talk at once trying to tell him what had happened.
"Where is Spike?" He asked suddenly. They all stopped and looked at each other as if they had just noticed he wasn't there.
"Xander stayed with him I think. The manager wanted to close up and Spike wouldn't move. Xander was going to take him home and stay with him." Anya informed him.
Ironic what circumstances like this did to people, Giles thought. He gathered his little family to him in one big embrace and together they mourned under the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights, waiting for their Slayer to awake.
TBC