"Better Than I Know Myself" by Adam Lambert
Cold as ice
And more bitter than a december
Winter night
That's how I treated you
And I know that I
I sometimes tend to lose my temper
And I cross the line
Yeah that's the truth
I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
All along
I tried to pretend it didn't matter
If I was alone
But deep down I know
If you were gone
For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn
Cause I'm lost without you
I know it gets hard sometimes
But I could never
Leave your side
No matter what I say
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
I get kind of dark
Let it go too far
I can be obnoxious at times
But try and see my heart
Cause I need you now
So don't let me down
You're the only thing in this world
I would die without
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now,
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
Chapter 26
November 14th, 2012
7:35 PM
Jeff and Vanessa's house
Adam and I walked into the house, still completely covered in mud. When he saw us, Jeff's face was priceless. "What happened?"He asked. I laughed. "Well you see. Adam and I got into a mud fight."I said, smiling at my brother. Adam smiled back and laughed. "Yeah it just kinda happened. She started it though."He said. "Well you called me stupid!"I argued. "No, I said you didn't have common sense. Big difference."He stated. I rolled my eyes. "She doesn't have common sense, does she Jeff?"Adam asked. I looked at Jeff expectantly.
"Choose your next words very carefully Jeffrey."I warned.
He just shot me a smile. "I have no comment."He said, and sat back on the couch. I smirked. "Smart choice there."I said, then looked up at Adam. "Get out."I told him. He rose a brow at me. "Excuse me?"He asked. I smiled. "Get out. I wanna have alone time with Jeff. I spent my time with you, Mark and Shawn. It's his turn now."I explained. Adam sighed and nodded. "Fine I understand. But, tomorrow, you and I are hanging out more. Jeff can come too. I haven't seen you since Halloween. Not acceptable."He compromised. I nodded in agreement. "Alright. Oh, do me a favor tomorrow morning? Can you pick Phil up at the airport around nine?"
"Why can't Jeff do it?"Adam asked.
I gave him a blank stare. "Do you know what Phil and Jeff would do to each other in the twenty minutes they had to be in the vehicle together? I wouldn't have a best friend or husband to be anymore. They'd kill each other. So please my darling big brother, will you do it?"I asked again. He sighed. "Alright. Because I love you. I will."He agreed. I smiled and hugged him. "Thank you bubba."
"No problem sis."He said, returning the hug. "I think I'm gonna head home now and take a shower. I suggest you do the same."He teased. I smiled at him and laughed. "Alright, see you later Ads."We separated and he walked towards the door. "See you tomorrow Jeff."He called out. "See ya Adam."Jeff responded. When Adam walked out, I looked at Jeff. "Okay, so I'm going to take a quick shower. Pick a good movie out?"I suggested. He nodded in agreement. We kissed quickly before I went to go take my shower.
*One Shower Later*
Jeff and I were seated comfortably on our couch, curled up together and watching a movie whose title I'd forgotten. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention. I was running over every detail of the wedding, making sure we hadn't forgotten anything important. "Don't hurt yourself."Jeff said, chuckling. Coming back into reality, I looked up at Jeff, who was looking at me. "huh?"I asked. He chuckled again. "You were thinking pretty hard about something. Don't hurt yourself."He teased. I laughed and shook my head. "I won't hurt myself."I said. Jeff laughed with me. "Good. I can't have my Nessa hurting herself."He replied. I smiled at him. "So, can you do me a favor? Just something to ease my mind?"I asked.
"What's on your mind Pepper?"Jeff asked.
"Well...basically I want to talk about the guests that are going to be at the wedding."
"Go on..."
"Okay, so it kinda just hit me earlier that I was going to be meeting the rest of your family...besides Matt and your Dad, I haven't met anyone else."
"Yeah?"
"...What if your family doesn't like me?"I asked. I was not expecting Jeff to laugh. I didn't appreciate the laughter either. "I'm serious!"I protested. Jeff just laughed some more. "Nessa, honey, my family will love you. Everyone does. Hell, Matt and my Dad adore you. I'm sure my other family members will too."He said and kissed my forehead. "You sure?"I asked. He nodded. "Positive. You don't see me worrying about meeting the rest of your family though, do you?"
"You already won over Adam, that's the scariest person in my family."
"I know that, so I'm not worried. And neither should you."
"Okay, okay."
"Anything else you'd like to talk about?"
"Yes actually. Phil."Once his name came out of my mouth, Jeff's features hardened a little. "What about him?"He asked stiffly. "I just wanted to let you know that we don't have to worry about him causing trouble. I have like 5 people on Phil watch."I informed Jeff. Jeff seemed to relax at that news. "Alright, that's good. I don't want him screwing anything up."He stated. I nodded. "As much as I like Phil, I think I'd have to kill him if he tried to ruin my wedding."I agreed.
"Good to know you're on my side."Jeff said with a lopsided grin.
"I'm always on your side."I said, grinning back.
"Wanna know somethin'?"
"Sure Jeffers."
Jeff pulled me into his lap and held me close. "I can't wait to marry you."He told me. I couldn't help but smile at that. "I can't wait to marry you either."I replied. We smiled at each other and we drifted into a comfortable silence as we watched the movie. It wasn't a lie either. Like I'd told Jay back at Wrestlemania...I'd love nothing more than to be Mrs. Jeff Hardy. And that was finally happening for me.
*Adam's POV*
"Thanks for pickin' me up dude."Phil said as he climbed into the car. I shrugged. "No problem. So where am I taking you?"I asked. Phil thought for a second. "Eh, just take me to Vanessa's. I'm sure that's where you plan on going anyway. I'll get into my hotel room later."He said. I nodded and continued driving. For about fifteen minutes we sat in complete silence. Phil sighed. "Can I ask you something Adam?"
"Go for it."I replied, not thinking much about it.
"Why are you letting them get married?"He asked.
"Jeff and Vanessa?"
"Yeah. Why do you approve of the marriage?"
I shrugged as I pulled into Jeff and Vanessa's driveway. "They're good for each other."I replied, shutting the engine off. I turned to look at Phil who was looking at me in disgust. "You're just saying that because Jeff's your best friend."He said. I found myself glaring at Phil. "No. Just shut your mouth right now. Nothing means more to me than Vanessa's happiness. If I didn't think Jeff was treating her right, I wouldn't let her marry him."I said angrily. Just who the hell did Phil think he was? I was Vanessa's brother. Not. Him.
"You obviously weren't told about the time when he first found out about Jay and Nessa being friends."
"Yeah I was. Jeff told me he was drunk, and he said stupid things. But he also said he apologized, and Vanessa forgave him."
"If you heard the things he said to her, you'd be just as anti them as I am. He doesn't treat her right, she has to walk on eggshells around him, and she does whatever he tells her to. That doesn't sound like love."
"Phil, just shut up."
"No! Not until you realize that Jeff is terrible for your sister. If I were her brother-"
"But that's just it Phil. You aren't. I'm her brother! Not you! You're just a friend! You need to learn your fucking role. And if you so much as try to sabatoge this wedding, I will hurt you Phil. Vanessa wants this, and if you fuck it up for her, I won't be so fucking nice to you."I yelled. "Vanessa is my sister. She was my first baby. She's mine to protect. She's just mine period Phil. Stop trying so hard to replace me, because it's not going to happen. You better just be thankful Vanessa managed to convince Jeff to let you come to this wedding."I said, getting out of my vehicle. I stormed up the walkway to the house, Phil following silently after me. For once, Phil Brooks was speechless.
*Vanessa's POV*
I heard the front door open and sighed. "JEFF GO PUT A SHIRT ON PEOPLE ARE HERE."I yelled into the living room. "It's my house I'll be shirtless if I want to!"He yelled back. "Why don't you go put on a shirt?"He asked me. I laughed. "Because I'm making your damn breakfast that's why! Go get me one!"I replied. I heard him sigh heavily. "Fiiiine."He said, then began to walk upstairs. "Adam if that's you that just walked in, I just have a bra and a pair of Jeff's sweatpants on. If you can handle that, I'm in the kitchen."I yelled.
"Whatcha cookin' good lookin'?"Adam asked, leaning up against the wall. I smiled at him. "French toast. Want some?"I offered. He nodded, and went to sit at the table. His spot was soon filled with the body of my best friend. "Phillip!"I said happily. He smiled at me. "Hey there Robin."He greeted me. "Want some french toast?"I offered him. He grinned. "You know I love your cooking. Of course I do."He said. I smiled. "Alright, go sit next to Adam and I'll bring you both a plate."I instructed. He did as he was told and I brought them food. "Now, we only have a little bit of syrup left because apparently Jeff doesn't know how to shop without me. So. Go easy on it. Both of you are syrup hogs."I said, setting the syrup in the table.
"Got you a shirt."Jeff said walking in. "Took you long enough. And let me guess. It's just one of your shirts, right?"I asked. Jeff grinned. "You caught me. I can't help the fact that my clothes look so much better on you."He said, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer. I heard two fake gags at the same time. Adam and Phil were so alike. I decided to ignore them and just grinned at Jeff. "Well, if you keep making me wear your clothes, they're going to smell all girly like and you'll get made fun of."I said, giggling. Jeff chuckled. "I love smelling like you. You smell delicious. Like strawberries."
"Please for the love of God, stop with the cutesy shit. I'm trying to eat my damn french toast."Adam complained. Jeff and I both looked at Adam. "Hey. Shut up."I told my brother, who just rolled his eyes. "At least take it into the other room."He asked. "Sorry dude, it's our house. We'll do what we want, where we want."Jeff countered. I smirked. "Oh, by the way, you might wanna know what's happened on that table..."I trailed off. A look of pure disgust came across both Adam and Phil's faces as they picked their plates up off of the table and scooted their chairs away. Jeff and I laughed together at their misery. "Good one Nessa."Jeff said. We high fived. "Thanks. I thought it'd be funny."
"Fuck it, I'm going home."Adam said, standing up, taking his plate with him.
"Shit, I'm going to Adam's house. It's better than this."Phil said, mimicking Adam's movements. I watched in amusement as my brother and best friend booked it out of the kitchen. "I like how they just stole our plates."Jeff commented. "They'll bring them back. If not, I'll be severely pissed off."I said. "Now, you and I can eat our food, and then we need to go grocery shopping."Jeff nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan. How about you actually go put on your own clothes, and I'll put this shirt on?"He suggested. I smiled and nodded. "Alright, be right back."I said, pecking his lips before leaving to get dressed.
*Le Jeff's car*
"Why did I get stuck in the back again?"I asked irritably. Adam looked back at me and grinned. "Cuz I'm older than you. I get shotgun."He said smugly. "Hey Adam, why don't you have a nice cup of fuck you?"I suggested. Jeff chuckled while Adam gave me a blank look. "You're so damn funny Vanessa. I wish I was like you."He replied. I grinned at him. "I know, everyone wishes they were me."I said. Instead of retaliating, Adam turned around and cranked the radio up. I knew he was expecting Rock, since this was Jeff's car, but I'd driven it last, and it was on a country station. He made a face and went to turn the station. "You change this song and I'll kill you."I threatened. He sighed. "Fine."I smiled as the lyrics of "I Loved Her First" by Heartland began playing. The more the song went on, the more it made me think...This song described mine, Jeff's and Adam's relationship perfectly.
"I was enough for her not long ago. I was her number one, she told me so. And she still means the world to me, just so you know. So be careful when you hold my girl."I sang along. "Time changes everything, life must go on. And I'm not gonna stand in your way...Adam and Jeff listen to the chorus closely."I instructed.
"But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first.."
"This song reminds me of-"Adam started.
"Us."Jeff finished.
I nodded. "Yes. Keep listening though."I said. And they did. I'd loved this song before, but now I loved it even more. I leaned back against the seat and smiled. When the song finished, Adam smiled. "You got lucky Jeff. You won me over. And your prize is my sister."He said. Jeff laughed. "Well she's a good prize. And she was definitely worth all the annoying shit you put us through."
"Hey, it's not MY fault I hated you. You were the one that wanted to do everything that pissed me off."
"What exactly, were those things?"
"Well I guess it was kind of an ego thing. Everyone always thought you were better. Then everything you did pissed me off. The way you walked, talked, and looked. Also, dude, you used the word 'man' waayyyyy too much."Adam listed the reasons. I started laughing. "Oh Adam, can't forget this! You told me once that you didn't like him because he looked at me one time when I was backstage."I chimed in. Adam laughed. "I didn't like a lot of people for looking at you."He replied, making me laugh more.
"Oh Jeff, the biggest thing you did that pissed me off the most though, was dating my only sister without my permission."Adam said.
"I'm an untraditional kinda guy. My bad Adam."Jeff said, grinning. He was amused by the things Adam was saying too.
"Which reminds me, and brings me to a question I never asked for some reason. How did you guys even start dating?"
Jeff and I thought for a second. "Nessie, you're the storyteller. Go for it."Jeff said. I nodded and leaned in closer to my brother. "Well you see dear brother. It all started when Jeff and I had our first date. We got smashed, and passed out in his room. Which I think I told you I was in Mark's room for the night. Anyway, we woke up, I discovered I had arms wrapped around me, and then we freaked for a second before calming down realizing we'd done nothing. Then you called, told me to come to the room, I started to leave, Jeff stopped me and said something along the lines of I'm fun and blah blah, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and the rest is history. The end!"I said.
"Ahhhh."Adam said in realization.
"Remember all the great times we've had?"I asked. "Like Adam refusing to acknowledge my presence for a while the first time Jeff and I were engaged."I pointed out. He frowned. "Sorry about that Vee-Vee. You know how I am. Besides, I got bitchslapped anyway."He said with a lopsided grin. I snickered. "Yes you did. No one talks bad about my Jeffy, not even my dear brother."
"Good to know I'm loved."Jeff said with a chuckle.
"You're very loved. Even when Phillip decides to open his mouth about you I tell him to shut up. "I said, smiling at Jeff.
"I decided I don't really care for Phil anymore."Adam butted in. I rose a brow at him. "Why not? I mean, Jeff kinda has a reason, what's yours? Phil's great."I asked, confused. I loved Phil to death, why did people have to dislike him? He wasn't THAT bad..."He is legit trying to replace me. He keeps talking about 'If he were your brother'. Well I put him in his place today. I told him he was just a friend and that he needed to quit trying to fucking replace me."Adam said hotly. I sighed. "Good work Ad."Jeff said, giving him a high five.
"Phil's just overly protective. In many ways he is like a big brother. I love him, he's my best friend. But like Jay, and John, he's just a friend. Adam you're my world, you know that. Even if you cut your damn hair, I still love you to death. And Jeff, you and I are getting married. Tomorrow. I think you can tell I love you. I would really appreciate it if you two didn't have a Phil bashing contest in my presence..."I said. "And by the way, if I see either one of you being mean to Jay tomorrow, I'm going to be very pissed off."
"Fine."They chorused, sounding disappointed.
"Same goes for John. That's my personal therapist there."
"Okayyy."
"Good boys. I appreciate your co-operation."I said with a smirk.
Okay! So the wedding, DEFINITELY next chapter. I swear on my life! And I'll be reusing a song too. So. Yeahhh. Anyways, I have something to rant about. Monday. Brock Lesnar was threatening Shawn. Not. fucking. Okay. I don't care if it's scripted or not. If Brock touches a hair on Shawn's head, I will murder him. Violently. My friend knows where to hide bodies. -.-. Next chapter we have some humor, and some other things :D Lemme give you a hint about the humor and other things: Phil. ;) Only I know what's to come!
P.S GO CHECK OUT "In My Mentor's Footsteps" by Topropeflyer. It just started, but is already PHENOMONAL! If you like Punkers, read it. Also, Vanessa is in it! XD
P.P.S I would reply to reviews...but...I've been chasing a 1 year old around allllll week. I'm tired. :/.