Helloooooooooooooooooo everyone! New chapter! :) I know it has been a while, but I'm just a bit stuck, doubting where I wanna go with my story :( But at least I updated, right? :D enjoy! PS I still don't own the characters of TMI :( ;p
Clary's POV
He finished his story, but I knew it wasn't really done… I mean, this was not something you could just… leave behind. And I saw it in his eyes, how he replayed that night over and over and over, how he was replaying it right now in his thoughts… His gaze was absent, and I had the irrational fear that he would never come back, that he would stay there forever, trapped in his most scary, frightening memory. I gulped difficult as I thought of little Jace: confused, scared… alone. Fuck, I had no idea what I had to do… I wasn't really one of those people who could empathize with everyone, who could deal with… emotions. Luckily, at that moment something in Jace's eyes changed, and I knew he had "returned" to reality.
Jace's POV
She looked at me with her big green eyes, and at that moment I just wanted to hug her and never let go. But after telling her my story, my mother's words were echoing again in my head. "Don't trust anyone Jacey… Don't trust anyone Jacey… Don't trust anyone Jacey…", as if my mother was still warning me, as if she tried to say that this had been the wrong thing to do… My mother was right: Clary probably just thought I was silly and pitiful… I cleared my throat and pulled up my walls again, afraid for what she would say, afraid what she would think of me.
Clary's POV
I was still struggling about what to say, afraid that I would hurt him by saying the wrong thing when I saw it. There changed something in his attitude, as if he was suddenly miles away from me. I knew what he was doing, and my heart flinched for a moment. "Jace, don't do this" I said, as I took his hand and tried to stop him. "Doing what Clary? I'm fine, it all happened long ago." He said, and even though he wasn't looking at me, I knew this wasn't really 'him'. "Jace, look at me." I said, taking his head in my hands and turning his head to face mine. "What?" he said, trying to act cold and unapproachable, but I could see right through his scam. "Jace, I know what you're trying to do, but don't even think about it!" I said, in a desperate attempt to break down his walls. "Clary, for the last time: I. Am. Fine." he said, accentuating every syllable. I looked for a moment at him, taking in everything: his voice seemed calm, but I heard the trembling anyway; his body seemed relaxed, but I clearly saw the tension in his muscles; his eyes seemed honest, but I could see the tears searching their way. I shook my head sadly: "No, you're not. And don't even try to deny it, because I won't let you shut me out Jace, no matter what."
Jace's POV
I couldn't understand it. Trust me, I wanted to, but I couldn't. How could she stand being with me now she knew what a coward I was? I was a fraidy cat, a pathetic idiot and most of all… a murderer. It was my fault my parents were dead: if I hadn't lock them out, maybe they could have hided or… but that was my burden to carry, not hers. My mother's last advice, my love for Clary and my urge to protect her were all sending me in different directions, and I could only find one way out…
"I'm sorry Clary, I can't do this. It's over." I said, while it felt as my heart was shred to pieces: at least, she would be happy in the end, right? She would move on and have an amazing life, just like she deserved. "It's WHAT?!" she said, talking so loud some heads moved in our direction. "It's over; I'm bored with us, so just get over it." I said harsh as I stood up and walked away, throwing some money on the bar of the café as I left.
Clary's POV
I couldn't believe it… I had arranged this… date because I wanted to stop whatever we were having before it got too serious and I would fall in love, but then… As he told his story, I realized that it was way too late. I was totally falling for him, and I couldn't imagine a life without him anymore… I had realized that I needed him too much to let him go, and now HE was the one who wanted to break-up?! I mean, I know we weren't really together, but… it still felt like I was… dumped.
For a few seconds I was paralyzed, as all these thoughts were racing through my mind, but my body reacted instinctual and I started running after him. Somehow I knew he would run to the park a few streets further, needing a place to clear his mind, and so I headed for the park. I was determined to find him and get some explanation, even if I needed to burn down the entire park to find him… I probably looked mentally deranged as I ran through the streets, but I didn't give a shit about it. The only thing I knew right now was that I needed to find Jace and get him back, because without him I would be lost forever.
After 10 minutes of running, I finally noticed him, standing close to a pond and… his feet surrounded by ducks. I walked up to him and as I stood there, I felt how all my anger just… faded away. There was a reason he was doing this to me, because I couldn't believe he would hurt me willingly, not really. He was way too kind and sweet to do something like that.
There was so much to say that I was suddenly scared to talk about it, so I chose a safer subject. "I thought you were afraid of ducks?" I asked, honestly wondering what had changed. "I was." he simply answered, and a sad smile was playing around his lips. "What changed?" I asked, not able to hide my curiosity, my interest for every single thing he did. "I realized they weren't my biggest fear." he answered, and I wondered out loud: "Then what is?" He stayed silent for a moment, thinking, and I knew I wasn't the only one who had difficulties when it came to dealing with emotions. "You are." he said, but I almost thought I had dreamed it. "Me?" I asked thunderstruck. "How's that? I mean, I hit you only once and it wasn't even that hard!". He started laughing, and even though the situation wasn't funny at all, I couldn't help but laugh along. "Well, I'm not gonna deny that your temperament is quite… touchy, but that's not the reason." "Then what is?" I asked, my heart beating fast as if it somehow knew that this answer would change our relationship forever. "It's losing you Clary. You became so important for me that it scares the hell out of me!" "And so you just dump me? Before I can dump you? Before anything can ever happen? Good or bad?!" I practically yelled, my anger coming back as I realized he didn't even want to give us a chance. "Yes, maybe… But I don't get why you're so mad?! You were the one who started doubting first, right?! Don't think I didn't notice it Clary, you were going to end it yourself!" "Maybe I was! But then I realized that I would rather fight everyday with you than be relative happy with someone else."
Jace's POV
"Even after everything I told you?" I asked in doubt, my heart secretly hoping but my mind skeptical. "Especially after everything you told me." she said, and her voice faltered for a moment before she continued. "All this time, you were… perfect in my eyes Jace… Handsome, funny, smart, rich, the perfect family… How could I compete with something like that? How could I live with someone like that without feeling inferior every second of the day? You have no idea what a relieve it is to know that you aren't perfect either…" "Clary, I've never been perfect! I've done so much wrong with you… I've hurt you so much… I wish I could change that, that I could go back in time and fix it somehow, but … I'm not a superhero…" She shook her head and mumbled: "I don't want a fucking superhero Jace." Now I was even more confused! "Than what do you want Clary?" I asked, because whatever she wanted, I would find a way to give it to her. "Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, are you really such an idiot?! Or do you just want me to say it? I. want. you!" she said, and I saw how her cheeks reddened. My heart made a double somersault as I heard these words, the most beautiful words I had ever heard. "Oh Clary, I lied…" I confessed, "I'm not bored with us. God, I could never be bored with you and-" and then she stopped me…
Or more specifically, her lips stopped me… She kissed me with so much force, with so much passion, that I wavered for a moment, before I found back my balance. I was dumbfounded, but hey, I wasn't going to complain… My hands curled around her waist, and as I felt an inch of her bare skin, a shiver ran through my body. For a moment, we pulled away from each other, and I saw a cheeky sparkle in her eyes that made my heart beat even faster than it already did. "Am I so irresistible that you had no other option than to attack me?" I grinned and I saw how she rolled her eyes. "Jonathan Christopher Lightwood, I officially hate you" she said, but I saw how her eyes were laughing, and I quickly steeled a kiss before I answered. "Have you any idea how sexy it is when you say my full name?" An exultant look spread across her face. "Really?" she asked elated, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes!" I admitted before I kissed her again, and this time, I got entirely lost in our kiss.
Ok soooo I have a question for you, and it would be really helpfull if you could give me some feedback... :) There is still so much I wanna do with this story, but on the other had, I don't want it to be wordy :( what do you think I should do?