Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.
Tris POV
It has been a less than a month since I've come to Chicago High, and I couldn't be happier. Everything is so different from DAA, in the best way. I actually have friends here, real friends that I know would never do anything to hurt me. Things have been better, they have accepted the fact that I like to keep some things to myself.
Tobias and I have been great, everything has been great between us. It may've a bit rushed to begin with, looking back I understand that, but all the pieces have fallen into place perfectly.
It still is a bit odd to have someone in my life that cares about me to the extent that Tobias does. I never thought I would be able to trust again, but life has a funny way of changing your perspective on things.
I've eaten every meal since I've told Tobias, I haven't been depressed. I don't think he realizes how much he actually helps me. I don't think I ever realized how much I actually need him.
Today is a Saturday, and Tobias insisted that we spend the day together instead of with the gang. Today is September 20th, the day Tobias meets my mom.
It's an understatement if I said I was nervous; I'm absolutely terrified for tonight. It must show, because as soon as I walk downstairs, my mom says, "It'll be alright."
"Are you sure about tonight?" I ask her. Today is my mom's birthday, and she insisted that I invite Tobias to the gathering we have every year.
"Absolutely," she says with a smile. My mother has always been a kind woman.
"Are you sure you are okay with me going out today?" I ask hesitantly. I always spend the day with my mom on her birthday, we shop downtown and eat lunch at a nicer restaurant.
"I'm spending the day with some friends from college, it'll be nice to see them again. Have fun with Four," she says.
"Okay, I'll see you at five for the party," I say.
"Goodbye!" my mom shouts as I head out the door.
Tobias is already parked in the driveway, and I hop into his car. Most couples would play more gender roles, but I'm against it. He's tried to open my door for me, but I have my own hands.
"Hey you," he says with a smile. I will never get tired of his gorgeously perfect smile.
"Hey yourself," I say.
"I got you something," he says, looking excited.
"Did you now?" I ask, "You know it's my mom's birthday, not mine."
"Two things actually," Tobias says, ignoring my comment, "The best soy latte that you ever had, and me." He hands me the cup, it's warm which is nice as it begins to get colder.
"Thank you," I say, and his face lights up.
He opens his mouth to say something when I say, "But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?"
A/N: They are quoting Drops of Jupiter by Train
Now all I see on his face is shock, and I laugh. "I honestly thought I got you that time," is all he can say. I wouldn't necessarily call it a competition, but Tobias has been trying to get song lyrics by me and has not yet succeeded. He's tried so many times, I feel like he now spends his free time trying to find songs he can trick me with.
"It was a valiant effort," I commend.
"I swear you know the lyrics to literally every song ever written," he says.
I shrug, and say, "I listen to music a lot."
"I thought that maybe I had a better shot with the early 2000's," he says.
"Nope, decade really doesn't matter. I can just as easily guess Madonna as Adele," I say proudly.
"Is there anything you can't guess?" he asks with a sigh.
I laugh a bit, and say, "Don't try me on rap, I can't stand it at all." Little did I notice that we were in drive this whole time, and we had arrived at our destination before I could even ask where we're going. I guess there's really no point, Tobias would just tell me that it is a surprise.
We're at the park, we come here pretty often actually. We get out of the car and walk to our bench. This is the same bench I used to come to with my dad, but no longer holds the same painful memories. Now when I see this bench, I only think of Tobias.
We sit down, and I ask him what's really been on my mind, "Are you nervous? For tonight I mean?"
He laughs, "No, but it seems like you are."
"I just really want her to like you," I justify.
He puts his arm around me, and pulls me into a hug. Even though we are dating, we aren't all over each other like other couples might be. I don't even let him hold my hand in the hallway at school, but I return the hug without hesitation.
"It's going to go great," he whispers to me, his hot breath tingling on my ear and neck. I would never say it out loud, but I think that it is incredibly sexy when he whispers.
I lean into him more, resting my head on his shoulder. "How did I get so lucky?" I say, almost to myself.
"I ask myself that a lot, actually," Tobias says, "I've concluded that the universe meant for us to be together."
"That is the biggest load of crap I've heard in my life," I say pulling back a bit, and he laughs.
"No, not really. Fate has brought us together, and fate is now saying that your mom will love me," he says.
"Maybe not so much fate, but me trying to convince her to like you before she even meets you," I say.
"Hey, what's not to like?" Tobias says, and I laugh. I love him so much, sometimes to the extent where I can't even comprehend how it is possible to love a single person so much.
"You are my world, you know," he says, as if reading my thoughts.
"I love you more than you could possibly imagine," I say, "You loved me when I couldn't love myself." Tobias has taken notice how much better things have been, especially with my depression.
"How did you do it? Change your mind, I mean," he asks sheepishly. I instantly know what he is taking about, I haven't looked at myself as insufficient like I used to.
"A lot of it was you," I admit, "Christina too."
"So my jaw-dropping looks and amazing personality is what changed your mind?" he asks sarcastically.
"Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed, just like that," I say.
"You're incredible, you know," he says after a small pause.
"You are too," I say, returning the compliment instead of denying it. I never know how to take compliments nowadays, I don't want to just say 'thank you' or 'I know' because that sounds too self-centered.
"Can I ask you something?" Tobias says, now sounding a bit nervous.
I put my hand on top of his, and say, "Sure, anything."
He takes a deep breath, and says, "The first football game is next Friday, and it is tradition at Chicago High for the player's girlfriends to wear their varsity jackets to school the day of the game. I know that you don't really like showing off our relationship at school because of Lauren and her slut possy, but I would really like you to wear my jacket."
Tobias looks away as soon as he finishes, almost embarrassed. I hold back a laugh, he really has no reason to be nervous around me and it is kind of adorable. "Of course I'll wear your jacket, Tobias," I say, and he turns back with the biggest grin on his face I've ever seen.
He doesn't say anything, just cups my cheeks with his hands and pulls me into a kiss filled with more passion than I ever imagined was possible. I am a bit taken by surprise, but then melt into the kiss, fire running within me.
The kiss deepens, and only becomes more intense and heated. I feel myself start to get nervous, even though I know that we are on a park bench outside and nothing can really escalate further. Despite this, I pull back first, resting my forehead on his. Both of us are breathing heavier now than before.
I don't know why I always have this feeling, almost afraid of where things might go. Ever since my first incident with Robert and Al, I have felt this way. Scared, they touched me in ways I have nightmares about. If I didn't fight my way out, it would've ended in rape. I'm sure of it.
Tobias doesn't know that I'm afraid, but I'm sure he's taken notice. Lauren isn't the only reason I don't hold his hand in the hallways. I am weary of most physical contact, but I love him so much that I know I have to get over it.
We breathe the same air for a while, matching breaths with each other until steady. "I love you so much," Tobias says.
"I love you too," I say.
"You don't know how happy that made me," he says.
I think back to how bright his face was, how pure happiness was all it showed. It was similar to a child hearing the ice cream truck coming down the street. "I have an idea," I say, and he laughs.
He pulls back to take off his jacket, and says, "Here." I hadn't even noticed that he was wearing his varsity jacket until now.
"Thank you," I say as he hands it to me, "You trust me with this?"
He chuckles, and says, "Of course I trust you, I don't think you're going to trash it or anything."
"I guess not," I say derisively, "Thank you."
"Thank you for the assurance," he says with equal tone.
"You know you love me," I say teasingly.
He sighs dramatically, and says, "Tris, I love you more than you could ever fathom. Whenever you're around, literally nothing else matters. Whenever you're around, I always seem to smile."
"And people ask me how, well you're the reason why I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower," I say, "Did you really think that one would work?"
"No, I'm starting to think that I will never get one past you. You're just too good," he says.
I raise my eyebrows, and say, "Are you admitting defeat, Tobias Eaton?"
"I may be defeated, but I'll never admit it, Tris Prior," he says. I love the way he says my name. Tris, it just rolls off his tongue in the most perfect way. Prior, not so much. Eaton is much better, Tris Eaton? No, it is WAY way too early to think like that.
I must sigh thinking about it, because Tobias asks, "What's wrong?" Oh no, do I tell him what I was thinking? I decide to, we'll talk about it eventually.
"Do you ever see us breaking up, Tobias?" I ask, thinking that's the best way to start.
"What? No, why? Do you want to break up?" he asks frantically.
I laugh, and say, "No, no, I don't want to break up with you. Just, would that mean you would see us getting married one day?"
He smiles, and says, "Yes, I think about that more often than I'd like to admit. I can see us having kids, and growing old together."
"That's what I was thinking about, being Tris Eaton," I say.
His smile grows even wider when I say that name, and he says, "I like that much better than Tris Prior."
"I do too," I admit.
"I know it sounds crazy, and I know it's barely been a month, but I would propose now if it weren't against some universal guy code," he says, and I burst out laughing.
"I might even consider saying yes, but there's probably some girl code I'm not aware of that forbids it," I say playing along. Tobias joins into my laughter as well, and it is a while before we can calm ourselves.
"Do you ever think that this is all going too fast?" I ask out of the blue.
"What?" he says, obviously taken by surprise.
"I mean, you haven't even met my mom yet and we're already talking about marriage," I reason.
"I didn't actually propose," he justifies.
"I know, I wouldn't want you to right now, or anytime soon for that matter. But we said 'I love you' without knowing each other for a full week," I say.
"Well, I do love you," Tobias says.
"I love you too, but… ah, I don't even know what I'm saying," I respond. I never am at a loss for words like this, but I never thought we would have this conversation.
"What are you saying? That this is all rushed?" he says, voice wavering.
"No, not exactly rushed. Just fast," I say, trying to calm myself before I burst at him.
"Fast? Okay, so you want me to wait three months before I say that I love you?" he says.
"That's not what I said," I say.
"Then what do you mean?" he asks, now getting frustrated.
What do I mean? Where did this even come from? It was just a stray thought that crossed my mind that I blurted out before I even knew what I was saying. Of course I love Tobias, I don't doubt that, but… what am I even saying? What am I afraid of? Marriage? No… it was kids.
I need to say something, but I don't know what to say. 'It's not you, it's me. I don't want to go too fast because I'm afraid out of my mind of sex' no, I can't say it like that.
Tobias looks at me expectantly, and I sigh. "There's something I haven't told you, and I don't know how you'll take it," I say. How does a boyfriend react when you tell him that you can't sleep with him, maybe ever?
He looks nervous, but says, "You know you can tell me anything."
"Remember the first incident I told you about with Robert and Al? When they shoved me into the closet?" I say hesitantly.
Tobias clenches his fists, and says, "I try not to remember, it makes me want to knock them unconscious knowing what they did to you."
"Well… ever since then," I start.
"You can just say it, I won't judge you or feel any differently about you," he says reassuringly. I'm not too sure he knows what direction I'm going in though…
"I've been, like deadly afraid of… sex," I say in almost a whisper.
Tobias doesn't say anything, and I just continue, "I know, it's stupid and insanely dumb but I don't want to move too fast because I'm afraid, okay?"
Tobias remains silent, that shocked look still plastered onto his face. "Please say something," I say, but the silence remains, "Please don't hate me."
He just pulls me into a much-needed hug, and says, "I could never hate you, never in a million years. I would never push you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Even if this fear never goes away, even if we never have kids, I will love you with all of my heart, and I am okay with it."
I am so relieved that tears start streaming down my face involuntarily, the weight I've been carrying has been lifted off my shoulders and it is tremendous.
"You can hold my hand at school now, if you'd like. I never cared about Lauren, or what she thinks, I just- physical contact makes me nervous in general, but hands. I could be dragged somewhere, I wouldn't be able to fight back using them. I know you would never do that, I never thought you would. It's just in my nature to not trust people, but I trust you, and you can hold my hand because there is no reason that I should deprive myself of being closer to my boyfriend over something so irrational," I say.
He smiles, and says, "I take it you're crying because you're happy?"
I laugh, and say, "Yes, I am so incredibly happy that you aren't laughing in my face and leaving me currently."
The mood turns a bit more serious. "I would never leave you, ever. You're pretty much stuck with me," he says, joking trying to lighten things.
"I know, I know you would never leave me. Just so many horny guys these days just crave intimate physical relationships, and I know you're not like that, but I know what I said isn't exactly what you'd want to hear either," I say.
"I'm a virgin," he admits.
"I am too, but I guess you could've assumed that," I say, stating the obvious.
"Don't tell Zeke, though. He set me up with a girl at a party last year, I don't even know her name but she was basically a flat out slut. He literally shoved us into the bedroom and of course she wanted to get frisky. I ended up rejecting her and locking myself in the bathroom that night so she couldn't try anything," he says, and I laugh harder than I thought was ever possible.
"That's… that's great," I say between laughs.
"I told Zeke the next morning that we hooked up because if he knew the truth I would hear no end about it and he would try to set me up again," he says.
"Well, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine," I say.
"Deal," he says, we shake on it and laugh afterwards.
Tobias POV
I don't think I've ever been so happy hear my alarm in my entire life, but this morning I sprung out of bed at the sound of it. Today is the day, important in so many different ways.
Today, I meet Tris's mom. I know that most boyfriends would be extremely nervous, or maybe even dreading the day, but I am so excited. It's Mrs. Prior's birthday today, and I am being introduced at the gathering later tonight. I got her a nice decorative plate, I hope she likes it.
Today is also the day that I ask Tris to wear my varsity jacket next Friday for our first football game, which is basically a symbol of a relationship at our school. I hope she'll say yes, she doesn't really like to publicize our relationship much. I assume it's because of Lauren and her crew, but Tris doesn't talk about it much.
Lastly, and perhaps even the most important: today is the day that I finally get Tris in our little lyrics competition. I have been trying several times a day since it started, but with no success. Today though, I have the perfect plan that will absolutely work. I can't wait.
I quickly shower and get dressed, then head out the door. I make sure to put on my varsity jacket, and grab the bag with tissue paper that I wrapped Mrs. Prior's gift in.
I stop at the local coffee shop on my way to Tris's house, and order two soy lattes. I've thought this through to a point, the mission only requires one soy latte but it would look less obvious if I got one for myself.
I pull into Tris's driveway, and am about to get out of the car and knock on the door when Tris comes out and gets in.
"Hey you," I say, smiling. I always seem to smile when she is around, even in the midst of a operation such as this one.
"Hey yourself," she says.
"I got you something," I say, barely containing my excitement. I've practiced this, it's finally go time.
"Did you now?" she says, "You know it's my mom's birthday, not mine."
I ignore what she says, only because it would throw off my script. "Two things actually," I say, "The best soy latte that you ever had, and me." I hand her the cup that is sitting next to me, and wait eagerly for her response.
"Thank you," she says, and I know that I have won.
I am about to say something, telling that her that she has finally been brought down by my lyrics skills, but then she says, "But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?"
Shock, pure shock is all that runs through me now. Tris starts laughing at me, it must feel good on her end. Today wasn't the day, it turns out, and I was so confident too. I even had the latte, I didn't think she would figure it out. "I honestly thought I got you that time," I say.
"It was a valiant effort," she says. Valiant effort, psh. I spent a solid hour thinking this all through; I thought it was full proof. For what? To fail again, apparently.
"I swear you know the lyrics to literally every song ever written," I say. I'm running out of options here, some songs that are out there cannot be fit into conversation as easily as others.
She shrugs, and says, "I listen to music a lot." No duh, she can literally identify any song on the freaking planet. Name, artist, album, and lyrics word for word. I honestly don't know how she does it.
"I thought that maybe I had a better shot with the early 2000's," I say.
"Nope, decade really doesn't matter. I can just as easily guess Madonna as Adele," she says. I try to think of a clever Madonna lyric to throw in, but I can't even think of a song by her. To think she was so popular, and now… man, I'm ashamed.
"Is there anything you can't guess?" I ask
She chuckles, and says, "Don't try me on rap, I can't stand it at all." I would use that to my advantage, but honestly, I can't stand rap either.
I park the car in the lot, and we get out. My favorite place to take Tris is the park, her park that she used to come to as a kid. I can see why she liked it so much, there aren't that many people ever here and it's nice with the small lake in the middle. We walk to the bench, our bench now, and sit down.
"Are you nervous? For tonight I mean?" Tris asks me. I can tell from the look on her face that she isn't nearly as excited for tonight as I am.
I laugh, and say, "No, but it seems like you are."
"I just really want her to like you," she says. It's so cute how much she cares about this, it really is.
I pull her into a hug, which she returns. Any physical contact between us is special, we aren't all over each other all the time like some other couples might be.
"It's going to go great," I whisper into her ear, and feel her shiver slightly. I smile, knowing the effect I have on her even when she doesn't notice.
She rests her head on my shoulders, and I hold back a sigh, a good type of sigh. I could live in this moment forever, and be happy. "How did I get so lucky?" Tris says.
"I ask myself that a lot, actually," I say, "I've concluded that the universe meant for us to be together." It was obviously meant to be a joke, I'm not the type of person to believe such things and I know that Tris isn't either.
"That is the biggest load of crap I've heard in my life," she says, and I laugh. Her response is practically exactly what I was expecting.
"No, not really. Fate has brought us together, and fate is now saying that your mom will love me," I say, continuing on.
"Maybe not so much fate, but me trying to convince her to like you before she even meets you," she says. Again, so amazing that Tris cares so much about this. She's literally been whispering good things about me into her mother's ear since I was invited to this party.
"Hey, what's not to like?" I say, and Tris laughs. So sweet and carefree, it is one of the many things about her that make me truly happy.
"You are my world, you know," I say.
"I love you more than you could possibly imagine," she says, "You loved me when I couldn't love myself." I'm so proud of her, getting over most of the things she was struggling with when she first came to Chicago High. No longer is she so depressed, or anorexic, or self-depreciating.
"How did you do it? Change your mind, I mean," I ask, mostly referring to her image of herself.
"A lot of it was you," she says sheepishly, "Christina too."
"So my jaw-dropping looks and amazing personality is what changed your mind?" I ask jokingly.
"Actually, I just woke up one day and decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. So I changed, just like that," she says. She always finds the right words, and puts them together in a way that is almost poetic.
"You're incredible, you know," I say.
"You are too," she says. I think that now is the right time to ask her about the jacket.
"Can I ask you something?" I start, somewhat unsure of myself. I don't want to hear her say no, and I know that is likely.
Tris puts her hand on top of mine, and it calms me down and makes me increasingly more nervous all at the same time. "Sure, anything," she says.
I take a deep breath, and say, "The first football game is next Friday, and it is tradition at Chicago High for the player's girlfriends to wear their varsity jackets to school the day of the game. I know that you don't really like showing off our relationship at school because of Lauren and her slut possy, but I would really like you to wear my jacket."
As soon as I finish, I look away. I don't want to see the look on her face, I don't want to look at her when she turns me down. I can't believe I actually asked her that, it is a public label on our relationship and I know how she feels about public affection. I am extremely surprised when I hear her say, "Of course I'll wear your jacket, Tobias."
I turn back to her overjoyed, with a smile on my face bigger than I ever thought possible. I don't say anything at first, I don't really know what to say. All I know is that I have to kiss her right now, so I cup her cheeks with my hand and pull her into a kiss. She is taken by surprise at first, but then begins to kiss back, layered with more passion than we have ever shared together before.
The kiss deepens, and only becomes more intense and heated. I never knew that I wanted, no, needed her this much, to feel her mouth on mine. This kiss is different from others, it is the type that makes you question how you have lived without it for so long beforehand. All I want right now is to be absorbed in her, and I know that if we weren't in the park it wouldn't have ended with Tris pulling away. She rests her forehead on mine, and we calm our breathing.
"I love you so much," I say.
"I love you too," she says. She will never know how much I love hearing those words from her.
"You don't know how happy that made me," I say, not only referring to the jacket but also the kiss. I couldn't have been the only one to feel the pure intensity in it.
"I have an idea," she says, and I laugh.
I take off the jacket, and hand it to her."Here," I say.
"Thank you," she says, "You trust me with this?"
I chuckle, and say, "Of course I trust you, I don't think you're going to trash it or anything." I know she wouldn't, Tris isn't the 'destruction of property' type of girl.
"I guess not," she says unconvincingly, "Thank you."
"Thank you for the assurance," I say jokingly.
"You know you love me," she says, teasing me.
I sigh dramatically, and say, "Tris, I love you more than you could ever fathom. Whenever you're around, literally nothing else matters. Whenever you're around, I always seem to smile."
I hadn't even noticed that I'd thrown in a song lyric until she says, "And people ask me how, well you're the reason why I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower." They've literally become their own separate part of my brain, I automatically fit them in without thinking about it.
"Did you really think that one would work?" she asks.
"No, I'm starting to think that I will never get one past you. You're just too good," I say.
She raises her eyebrows at me, and says, "Are you admitting defeat, Tobias Eaton?"
"I may be defeated, but I'll never admit it, Tris Prior," I say, using her full name just as he had to me.
Tris sighs, and I ask her, "What's wrong?" She must've not realized that she sighed, because she hesitates a bit.
"Do you ever see us breaking up, Tobias?" she asks.
Break up? No, she just said yes to the jacket, she's said that she loves me, I'm meeting her mother tonight. We can't break up, I need her too much. "What? No, why? Do you want to break up?" I ask, trying to stay as calm as possible.
I must not do a very good job because Tris laughs. I am still nervous until she says, "No, no, I don't want to break up with you. Just, would that mean you would see us getting married one day?"
I smile at the thought of Tris walking down the aisle with me at the altar, of Tris becoming my wife. "Yes, I think about that more often than I'd like to admit. I can see us having kids, and growing old together," I say.
"That's what I was thinking about, being Tris Eaton," she admits.
Tris Eaton. What a perfect name.
My smile grows even wider, and I say, "I like that much better than Tris Prior."
"I do too," she says.
"I know it sounds crazy, and I know it's barely been a month, but I would propose now if it weren't against some universal guy code," I say, and Tris bursts out laughing. I know I wouldn't propose now, but I have seriously been thinking about it. I know I wouldn't do it until we both get out of high school, maybe even college, but there's no harm in buying the ring…
"I might even consider saying yes, but there's probably some girl code I'm not aware of that forbids it," she says, and I start to laugh too. We laugh for a while at the ridiculous idea.
"Do you ever think that this is all going too fast?" she says, changing the topic to one more serious.
"What?" I ask, surprised more than anything. Did she think the whole proposing now thing wasn't a joke? She laughed…?
"I mean, you haven't even met my mom yet and we're already talking about marriage," she says.
"I didn't actually propose," I say, not knowing how else to respond.
"I know, I wouldn't want you to right now, or anytime soon for that matter. But we said 'I love you' without knowing each other for a full week," she says.
"Well, I do love you," I say, I can't believe she's saying, did she only say 'I love you' because she felt like she had to? Can you really love someone in a matter of days? Of course, I know that I love her with all my heart but I don't know what she's trying to say.
"I love you too, but… ah, I don't even know what I'm saying," she says, stumbling upon words
"What are you saying? That this is all rushed?" I say, trying to keep my emotions in check. I know that I will burst out yelling or crying if I don't control myself, even if I don't fully understand the reason.
"No, not exactly rushed. Just fast," she says.
"Fast? Okay, so you want me to wait three months before I say that I love you?" I say with a bit of a harsher tone.
"That's not what I said," she says, sounding upset. I don't want to upset her, but ah-
"Then what do you mean?" I ask.
Tris sighs, and says, "There's something I haven't told you, and I don't know how you'll take it." I suddenly become nervous, what hasn't she told me? We haven't kept secrets from each other at all, she knows everything about me. What could she be hiding?
"You know you can tell me anything," I say, now calmed down.
"Remember the first incident I told you about with Robert and Al? When they shoved me into the closet?" she says.
Robert and Al, oh the things I would like to say to them. How they are possibly the worst people on the planet, for the sole reason that they hurt Tris, the most important person to me. I clench my fists trying to control the anger boiling inside of me, and say, "I try not to remember, it makes me want to knock them unconscious knowing what they did to you."
"Well… ever since then," Tris starts, still hesitating.
"You can just say it, I won't judge you or feel any differently about you," I say. She was so nervous before she told me about her past that I wouldn't like her anymore, but nothing changed then. Nothing will change now either, whatever she has to say won't affect us.
"I've been, like deadly afraid of… sex," she says, whispering the last part. I barely catch it.
That is definitely now what I was expecting. I don't know what to say, sex has never been something that I've really cared about. I will never understand why a guy would rape a girl, or make love to a girl that he really has no feelings for.
"I know, it's stupid and insanely dumb but I don't want to move too fast because I'm afraid, okay?" Tris explains.
I want her to tell her that it's okay, that I don't care and that it doesn't change anything. "Please say something," she says, but I still feel myself frozen. I finally say something when she says, "Please don't hate me."
I give her a hug, and say, "I could never hate you, never in a million years. I would never push you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Even if this fear never goes away, even if we never have kids, I will love you with all of my heart, and I am okay with it."
Tears start streaming down her face, and she says, "You can hold my hand at school now, if you'd like. I never cared about Lauren, or what she thinks, I just- physical contact makes me nervous in general, but hands. I could be dragged somewhere, I wouldn't be able to fight back using them. I know you would never do that, I never thought you would. It's just in my nature to not trust people, but I trust you, and you can hold my hand because there is no reason that I should deprive myself of being closer to my boyfriend over something so irrational."
I smile, there are so many times during the day that I want to be closer to her, or show the guys staring at her that she is mine, but I couldn't. She would always push it away, but now that she says I can, I am over the moon. "I take it you're crying because you're happy?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
She laughs, and says, "Yes, I am so incredibly happy that you aren't laughing in my face and leaving me currently."
"I would never leave you, ever. You're pretty much stuck with me," I say. The manner I said it was joking, but leaving Tris would be like leaving the only water in a desert. It would be stupid, and I wouldn't be able to live.
"I know, I know you would never leave me. Just so many horny guys these days just crave intimate physical relationships, and I know you're not like that, but I know what I said isn't exactly what you'd want to hear either," she says.
"I'm a virgin," I say. I don't know why I say it now, but I feel like she should know that I'm not one of those guys.
"I am too, but I guess you could've assumed that," she says.
"Don't tell Zeke, though. He set me up with a girl at a party last year, I don't even know her name but she was basically a flat out slut. He literally shoved us into the bedroom and of course she wanted to get frisky. I ended up rejecting her and locking myself in the bathroom that night so she couldn't try anything," I say, and Tris starts laughing. The look on her face was priceless, I don't think she'd ever been rejected already undressed.
"That's… that's great," she says between laughs.
"I told Zeke the next morning that we hooked up because if he knew the truth I would hear no end about it and he would try to set me up again," I say.
"Well, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine," she offers.
"Deal," I say. We shake on it, then continue laughing and talking before we go get lunch.
A/N: I'M SORRY! It's been a week, that's the longest I've ever gone without an update and I apologize. I was on vacation, and I couldn't bring my laptop because it put the suitcase over the weight limit. But hey, this was the longest chapter yet, over 6,000 words!
Updates won't be as often as they used to be, though. I used to update every single day, but now my family is moving and I don't think that will be possible anymore. If you've ever moved, you know the chaos that it brings.
I apologize, but please leave a review! I love hearing from you all (not to mention that it encourages me to update faster). Leave some songs and lyrics that you'd like me to include, their competition doesn't end here.
Another thing, do you all read both POVs each chapter? I do it because I feel it gives you different insight, and helps you understand what they're both thinking much better, but if you don't read it then I won't include it anymore. Just tell me in a review, I've heard mixed opinions on it so far.
Thank you all for the continued support on this story!