Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 26/?
Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles
Rating: Do you really want to know in advance?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.
Notes/Summary: Nothing fills the blackness that has seeped into my chest …

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Maura couldn't even begin to register the effect of the scene unfolding in front of her …

The visual seemed to travel back at her like a concussion wave from an explosive blast.

And in micro-slow motion she was shattering from it.

Her genius evaporated and she could not grasp even the most rudimentary elements of cognitive processing.

She had to be in the wrong apartment.

But that WAS Jane.

Yet it couldn't be. Because she was kissing a stranger.

An attractive blonde stranger. In her kitchen.

The pain wave had been only slightly delayed. When it hit, Maura went completely numb. It was almost fascinating how the acute sharpness of it could exist at the same time all feeling drained out of her limbs. She was barely aware that she'd lost her grip on everything she was holding.

Until the resounding clatter broke the spell.

In sharp contrast to how slow the world had been moving seconds before, everything sped up in a rush. Her flight response kicked in. She had to get out of there. Frantically she tried to scoop items up from the floor before she was noticed … before she had to face …

"Maura?"

Jane.

Gaining limited control over herself, Maura took a deep breath, counted to three, and stood.

She was still woefully unprepared for meeting Jane's eyes. And well aware of her inability to successfully conceal information from her.

"I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow."

Jane seemed more bewildered than anything else.

There was a stab of anger that was wholly unfamiliar. You thought ... You thought I'd never know about this … this person … and now I've stumbled right into your secret.

Rationality tried to chime in: Why would Jane need to hide anything from you? She's not your girlfriend. She not ... yours, period.

Blinking, Maura stumbled over her words.

"It didn't take ... as long ... as I thought. I drove back."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the blonde woman move around the end of the counter. But she remained fixated on Jane's face.

"Are you okay? Is everything alright? Something wrong with Ma?"

Jane was clearly trying to determine why she was there, why she had interrupted, why she was acting so … odd.

"I'm fine. I guess she's fine. I haven't seen her …" Maura swallowed. "I just came by to … to drop these off." Weakly she lifted the DVD's in her hands. "I didn't mean to actually drop them …"

"Okay." Jane still seemed puzzled. Or skeptical. Waiting to hear more.

"It's Friday and I knew you weren't 100% after everything …" She nodded to indicate Jane's cut and bandage. "So, I thought that maybe you'd want to rest, to stay in and watch movies."

Like we used to. Before.

Now it was Jane's turn to blink. Perhaps she'd struck a nerve.

Suddenly the detective seemed to remember her other guest. She waved the blonde forward to her side.

"Dr. Julie Bennett, Professor of Literature at BCU, please meet Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts … and my best friend."

There was no sneer or mocking of the last two words like there had been prior to Jane's two week sabbatical. But they struck Maura like a whip. She was hardly able to keep from flinching. Instead she extended her hand, willing it not to shake as she clasped the other woman's firmly.

"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Bennett."

The professor's smile was radiant. "Oh, please. Call me Julie."

Belatedly, Maura caught sight of the walking boot. Something stirred in the back of her mind about Jane helping a jogger who'd turned an ankle earlier in the week …

Jane's prompting cut off any further musings along that line.

"So what'd you bring?"

"Um, it was your turn, so I got … the ones where it seems to be … very difficult to kill Bruce Willis."

Jane's face lit up.

"Die Hard!"

"I love that movie! I've even used it in one of my classes when we discussed the concept of the Byronic hero."

"Like Steve Austin?"

Julie chuckled and placed her hand on Jane's arm.

"No, not even like Jaime Sommers." There was no mistaking the affectionate manner between the two of them. "It's 'By-Ronic' … referring to Lord Byron."

Scrunching up her face, Jane retorted. "Ew. I'll take fighting fembots any day."

Maura had never felt so left out and clueless. Or so lonely.

"That's a very modern approach to opening exploration of the singular protagonist in literature, Dr. Bennett. I'm sure your students appreciated the levity … and the respite from actual study."

Julie shot a quick look at Jane.

"It certainly keeps them involved."

To avoid more awkward conversation, Jane motioned toward the kitchen.

"We were just about to eat dinner …" She held up both palms. "Don't worry, Julie cooked. Why don't you join us? Then we call all watch Byronic protagonist Bruce Willis shoot a bunch of bad guys."

Maura was mortified.

She didn't know if she could spend another minute in their presence, much less become the third wheel on an obviously pre-planned date that was already underway.

"I couldn't …"

"It's nothing fancy … I'm the idiot who made pasta to impress someone who grew up with an honest-to-God Italian mother."

Jane smiled at her.

"Believe me, I'm impressed. I cook grilled cheese."

Maura could feel the panic rising. Or was it bile? She literally felt sick.

Shaking her head, she started to retreat.

"I should go. I drove all afternoon and I'm worn out from this morning." Backing up further, she laid the movies on the table near the door. "I'll just leave these …"

"Maura? You sure? It's gonna be a pretty low key evening. We won't care if you zone out."

I'll bet. The bitterness was raw and unwelcome, but also unstoppable.

"I'm positive!"

Jane was a bit taken aback by her tone. She faltered for a moment.

"Okay." She questioned with her eyes. "We're still going to talk tomorrow?"

Oh god. How could she … how would she be able to …

"Sure."

Nodding more to stall for time than to actually confirm the answer, she stepped over the threshold and reached for the open door.

"It was very nice to meet you, Maura."

Smiling tightly, Maura nodded again. She could no longer speak. The walls were closing in, crashing down.

She was out the door in a flash, closing it behind her, oblivious as to whether or not it slammed, desperate to flee to somewhere safe, somewhere still. Where she could absorb the full impact of what had just happened. And fall apart afterward.

The nature of her departure would probably set off alarm bells with Jane, but she was beyond caring at the moment. She was beyond anything but aching despair and a yawning sense of loss.

She made her way down the hall and down the stairs, nearly blinded by her tears.

Once she was over the shock, the flash fire of emotion, then she'd figure out how to go forward.

Now she just had to get away.

She had to get home.

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Jane stared at the door with her heart strangely tight.

Something had definitely been wrong with Maura; that much she knew. The M.E. could never truly hide anything from her.

The most perplexing part of her surprise visit was trying to figure out why she had seemed so distracted and brittle. Hell, almost rude. That wasn't like her. Not at all.

"Do you think she's really okay? She looked a little bit unsettled on her way out."

Julie had moved a few steps further away as she spoke.

Nibbling her lower lip absently, Jane turned back around.

"I'm not sure. She said nothing was really wrong. And if something serious was up, she wouldn't have just brought me movies and taken off like that."

She was trying not to worry, but it showed on her face.

Julie was sympathetic. "She did say that she was worn out …"

"Yeah. But I've seen Maura way more exhausted than that and she was still … present. She just didn't seem … like herself, ya know?"

Smiling slowly, Julie tried to cheer her up. "No. I really don't … know her."

"Right."

"Jane, if you need to go after her, this will keep."

Snapping out of her funk, the detective shook her head. "No, no … I think she needs some time to gear up to telling me whatever it is. And she's coming over tomorrow. We'll hash it out then."

Comforting herself with that thought, Jane walked back toward the kitchen and rubbed her hands together.

"So, when's dinner?"

"As soon as you grab some plates from the cabinet and set the table."

"Gee, bossy much?"

"You have no idea."

The gleam in Julie's eye turned into full blown laughter as Jane's face reddened once again.

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In keeping with almost all of their prior interaction, dinner was a light-hearted affair.

They were surprised to find that they had so much in common, considering how different their backgrounds were.

Jane decided that the close connection that each of them had with their family was the overwhelming factor that united them. The more Julie spoke about her relatives back home, the more Jane could detect the veiled homesickness she carried with her.

She loved hearing about Frankie and Tommy … and the trouble the three of them would get into as children. She provided similar stories of her own, but about her three sisters. And she was adorably jealous of Jane's rough and tumble childhood with her brothers – explaining that she was the only tomboy in the family and had to coerce her younger sister into all of their adventures.

It was only when she asked about Jane's father that the conversation turned truly serious. Still, she was a fantastic listener, not prying or speculative, and Jane found that she actually felt fine sharing her complicated feelings about what had happened … and was still happening … with her parents.

Julie had a wonderful relationship with her own father, somewhat based on their bonding over sports and the fact that she didn't have a brother to fill that role, but a strong connection nonetheless. She was marginally at odds with her mother on a frequent basis, but nothing that a good hug wouldn't fix. They were very similar and it often caused friction when neither would back down.

She missed all of them terribly.

Quickly she turned the discussion to what she loved about Boston and how she'd found herself fitting in despite her initial qualms. When she'd talked for quite a while, she gasped and apologized for "totally taking over." After giving the universal signal for 'zipping her lip,' she collapsed into giggles when she realized she'd have to ignore it to ask Jane about the trip that was responsible for her marvelous tan.

Opening by saying that it was the first real vacation she'd had in ages, but leaving out the catalyst for the excursion, Jane relished reliving the experience.

Julie interjected occasionally to ask a question or to tease her, but for the most part, Jane entertained her by gushing over Gerard and Miguel everyone else who had made her visit so memorable.

Noticing that Jane had nearly finished her pasta, and realizing that the time she'd spent monopolizing the conversation earlier had left her with much more of her own dinner, Julie decided that Jane needed to talk about something that didn't require her participation – so she wouldn't have to speak with her mouth full.

Laughing, Jane agreed and asked for a topic.

"Tell me about Maura."

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It was only after sliding into the driver's seat and grasping the wheel like a lifeline that Maura realized that she couldn't go home.

She wasn't supposed to be there. Not until tomorrow afternoon.

If she showed up tonight, Angela would want to ask questions. And if Angela got within ten yards of her, she'd know that Maura was falling apart.

Jane's mother's concerned compassion was not something she could deal with right now.

Overwhelmed and unable to think of anything other than the fact that her one safe destination was lost, she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white and screamed in frustration.

Then, slumping back against the cushioned leather, completely gutted, she surrendered to her emotions and cried.

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Jane had insisted that Julie sit on the sofa with her ankle propped on a pillow while she cleaned up.

When she'd cleared the table and put away the leftovers, she grabbed two more bottles of beer from the fridge and popped them open.

Leaving her own on the counter, she brought the other to the end of the sofa where Julie had settled in. She had to lean slightly across the blonde to avoid bumping into her injured leg.

Accepting the cold Blue Moon, Julie smiled up at her.

"Such service."

Jane grinned. "Don't forget to tip your waitress."

Without warning, Julie grasped the front of her Henley near the collar and tugged her down. Jane had to brace her left hand on the arm of the couch not to tumble into her lap. Before she could fully recover her balance, Julie was kissing her again.

This time, though, there was no interruption. She had plenty of time to appreciate the experience.

As they slowly separated, Julie murmured softly, "How's that?"

Inordinately proud that she didn't stammer, Jane waggled her eyebrows.

"How many bottles do you think you can drink?"

Laughing, Julie released her hold on the fabric.

"I've got all night."

"I've got dishes to wash."

Pretending to pout, the professor offered a suggestion.

"If you don't want to risk getting that shirt wet, you should probably take it off."

"You wish."

"You know I do."

Backing away and adjusting the hem of the garment in question, Jane shook her head.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I only do dishes topless on the third date."

Julie groaned and went limp against the back of the couch.

Chuckling, Jane slid their plates into the sink. Turning her head back over her shoulder, she called into the other room.

"Do you want to watch Bruce Willis run around barefoot in his dirty undershirt?"

"Can we make out during the boring parts?"

Jane did her best to keep a straight face as she considered the question.

"Well … you are a guest in my home. I think that means we do it your way."

Triumphant, Julie straightened up a little.
"Ya know, you're right! In that case, I'm in."

"In that case, I'll make some popcorn."

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When Maura finally ran out of tears, she was exhausted.

She'd lost all track of time. Checking her phone, she was surprised to see that it was just a few minutes before nine.

It felt like she had cried for an eternity.

Slowly, she began to put some of the pieces back together.

Jane had a date.

Most likely with the woman she had helped Monday morning. Less than a week had passed and the woman was in Jane's apartment, cooking her dinner.

And kissing her.

Maura shook her head. She had to stop thinking about that part.

Jane hadn't told her anything about this … Julie. They certainly hadn't spoken that much since Jane's return, but still. She was under no obligation to update Maura on her … social life … but it was still something of an eye-opener nonetheless.

She tried to replay all of their private interactions throughout the week. It wasn't very difficult, because there had been so few of them. It seemed that there was always something else intervening. The family lunch, Jane's hectic Monday, the photos, her conference call, the stakeout, her trip to Pittsfield … everything building up to tomorrow when they would finally be alone with time to talk.

Except that she had tried to surprise Jane tonight. To recreate a situation similar to the one she had handled so horribly … to get the ending right this time.

Instead, she had walked right into an alternate reality.

And she had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

She knew what she wanted to do … she wanted to go back in and ask Jane to talk with her somewhere quiet. Or to belatedly accept their dinner invitation and wait until Julie left, keeping them from engaging in anything more intimate than what she'd already witnessed.

Disturbingly, as nice as Julie seemed, Maura wanted to get right in her face and icily tell her that Jane was off limits. That they had both come too far together for an outsider to get in the way now. She wanted to explain that if Jane had met her only a week later, this dinner would never have occurred.

Because by that time, Maura would have poured her heart out; would have confessed how wrong she had been to fear what Jane had offered her.

Bad timing was not going to cost Maura her future.

When she had been sitting alone in her office, holding the picture of Jane that so filled her heart, she had vowed not to give up … to never again let her own reticence stand in the way of her chance at happiness.

Well, for that indeed to be true, she needed to act.

But first she was going to get a cup of coffee and clean up a bit. Checking her face in the rearview mirror, she frowned. She looked practically embalmed.

Leaving her car where she'd originally parked it, she decided to walk a few blocks to a diner she knew in passing. It was a nice night and she definitely needed the air.

Casting a last glance at Jane's building, she forced herself not to imagine what was going on inside.

She'd be back before the date was over.

And once it was, she wasn't going to waste another minute. She was going to tell Jane everything.

Her life – the life she wanted – depended on it.

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According to Julie, there were not nearly enough boring parts in "Die Hard."

But she had tried to make the most of the ones there were.

At one point, tasting the salt of the popcorn as their lips met, Jane was struck by images of the tiny crumb on Maura's lower lip the night everything changed … immediately contrasting the near terror she had felt then with the casual ease in which she could kiss Julie on the same couch.

Their positions were reversed. Jane would usually sit on the end, but the way Julie's walking boot needed to be propped meant that she had taken that spot.

She had also let Julie take the lead.

The professor was alternately teasing and intense. She would nuzzle Jane's cheek and whisper in her ear, causing them both to smirk or Jane to blush … then a few minutes later she would pull Jane's face to her own and kiss her like she was running out of time.

It was exhilarating.

After one such breathtaking interlude, Jane moved the popcorn bowl to the coffee table. It was almost empty and definitely in the way.

She couldn't believe how natural it felt to be with another woman like this. She wanted to laugh at how much time she'd wasted, how many awkward instances she'd been in the same situation with a man who couldn't wait to get past "the kissing stage" and round the bases.

Drawing back slightly, Julie whispered against her lips.

"What are you thinking about?"

Without hesitation, Jane answered – truthfully and somewhat amazed.

"About how much fun I'm having."

Julie's grin was infectious.

"Yeah?"

"Hell yeah."

They began the next kiss smiling … but within seconds it was much more serious, much more intimate. Julie's hands slid behind Jane's head, anchoring her in place. Jane could feel the adrenaline rush as the kiss continued, deepened. She could also feel Julie shudder, and it ratcheted her body temperature up several degrees. The sensation of fingertips in her hair, nails grazing her scalp, caused her to press forward.

She was so engrossed in maintaining that contact, savoring the moment, that she was wholly unprepared for the shock of a blunt force impact, and the resulting sharp pain, to her shin.

"Jesus Christ!"

Jane threw back her head and counted to ten.

She could tell from the tone in Julie's voice that she was horrified by the turn of events.

"Oh my god! Jane! I'm so sorry …"

Exhaling deeply through her nose, Jane nodded.

"I've never had to wear one of these, and … oh God … I was so carried away … I forgot I had it on!"

As the stinging and throbbing died down, Jane started to laugh.

"You got me." She reached out and grasped Julie's arm to keep her from moving away. "I was beginning to think things were going far too well."

"I am … so freaking sorry …"

"Hey … stop." Jane's eyes were twinkling now. "It was worth it."

Despite the attempted humor, Julie was still beating herself up about the interruption.

Jane tried again.

"Listen … do you know one of the things that I like most about you?"

Warily, Julie shook her head, her expression remaining troubled.

"You make me feel like I'm not the only goofball in the room."

Julie seemed to regain her previous disposition as a grin slowly spread across her face.

"And here I thought you were going to say my gorgeous blue eyes."

"I said 'one of the things' …"

Carefully shifting so that her leg hung harmlessly against the front of the couch, Julie gathered Jane closer.

"I've seen this movie a million times…"

Without speaking, Jane aimed the remote and shut off the power to the television.

"Yippee-ki-yay, Motherf …"

Julie was chuckling as she smothered the rest of Jane's quote with an enthusiastic kiss.

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The lighting in the diner was far from flattering, but Maura was the only patron who seemed to notice.

The place was surprisingly crowded. It took some substantial navigating to make it to the ladies room, and a few minutes of standing impatiently to actually get in.

Once her remedial round of freshening up was completed, she stared at her reflection.

Critical examination revealed that her eyes were excessively red and that the surrounding sensitive tissue was abnormally irritated and swollen.

She looked like she'd sobbed her way through the past hour.

Shrugging matter-of-factly, she decided to see if the kitchen staff would be able to provide her with a few cucumber slices.

That thought process led to her stomach rumbling quietly. Other than her lunch with Dr. Charles, she had not really eaten much all day. She'd been focused on her responsibilities earlier in the morning, and then totally absorbed the rest of the afternoon with her plan to …

No. She shook her head.

Forward not back.

Sighing while she waited her turn in line, she started to debate what her best options were since she was ordering to go and intended to consume her dinner in the front seat of her car.

Coffee was a given. She preferred tea on most occasions, but this was definitely a circumstance that called for coffee.

As she scanned the menu with purpose, the ticking of the quiet clock in her brain started to sneak into her consciousness. She needed to get back and get settled in.

She didn't want to miss the moment when Julie left for the night.

That would be her cue.

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the end part 26
thanks for reading!