Chapter 26

Compromise

Disclaimer: All characters associated with the Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended at any time.

JWPOV

I couldn't stay on the floor forever. A few customers knocked needing to get in the bathroom, but I wasn't ready to face the world — wasn't sure if I would ever be ready. I knew sooner or later the manager would start banging on the door, causing a scene, and asking me if I needed an ambulance. A hearse maybe, but there was no medical team qualified to save my heart.

The cold water felt good on my face. I stared back at my reflection in the mirror not recognizing myself. My eyes were lifeless. I suddenly felt much older than seventeen.

"You've done this to yourself," I said to the person in the mirror. "What did you expect? A singing choir and doves?" I tried to smile, but ending up softly sobbing instead.

I patted my face dry, smoothed my hair back behind my ears, straightened my clothes, then opened the door to face the cruel world once again.

The small café held only a few customers. I took the small round table against the wall furthest from the entrance. The smell of coffee invaded my senses — reminding me of my father. My eyes watered worrying of how my mother reuniting with her first love would affect him. Though my mother swore she was over him, Edward could be very compelling. It's easy to say you don't love someone when they aren't around. I would never be able to look into his eyes and tell him I didn't love him. I would never be able to convince myself of that.

With my elbows on the table, I placed my head between my hands and began to massage my temples. I tried not to think about what was happening four stores down.

"Is there something I can get you Miss?"

I jumped at the sound of the worker standing next to me.

"I-I'm okay. Thanks." He looked uncertain, but turned and walked back behind his counter.

My hand rested on my chest to keep my heart from escaping. My finger ran over the lump under my shirt feeling the pendant close to my heart. I pulled the necklace off and studied it in my hand. He had thought of me as a light in his dark world. Regret churned in my stomach knowing I had let him down by lying and conniving my way into his heart.

The bell at the top of the door rang as it was opened, blowing the cold air inside along with a customer. The chair next to me made a terrible screeching sound as someone pulled it back to sit down. I quickly closed my hand over the pendant and hid it in my pocket. My mother folded her hands together on the table top. Her eyes were sad and troubled.

"I'm…I'm sorry." My voice was barely noticeable.

She reached out and took my hand. A thoughtful smile curved her mouth. "It's okay. I totally understand."

"He thought he was somehow responsible for your death. I couldn't look at him everyday knowing the truth. I'm sorry if I hurt you by bringing him here."

"Don't be sorry. I've put to rest a part of my life that I've kept hidden for twenty years. I feel…free. All is forgiven."

"What about him? How upset is he?" Now his family would know the truth. Alice hadn't been the one to slip and tell me a guarded family secret. I had already known but kept my mouth shut while she took the blame. More groveling I will have to do, I thought to myself.

"He doesn't hate you. He wanted me to let you know that." Her hand tightened around mine. "I know how hard this is going to be for you. I'm sorry you got involved in this…other world. You may feel like you can't breathe at times — like a huge hole has been torn from your chest. You have to know that you will make it. It's not the end of the world, trust me. I'll be there for you every step of the way."

Panic welled in my throat making it hard for me to breathe. Alarm and anger rippled along my spine. I jerked my hand from her grasp and longingly looked toward the entrance door, which remained closed.

"Where is he?"

"Jane, he's gone," she said in a gentle voice.

"Gone as in I'll see him tomorrow, or…" I took a few deep breaths to keep from passing out. "Or gone as in…gone?"

"I know it hurts. It would never had worked, Jane. He should have never —"

I jumped up from the table, knocking my chair over, and was out the door into the dark snowy night before she had time to stop me. My fingers desperately searched for the car keys in my pocket. I had to get to him. I couldn't let it end this way.

"Jane," Mom yelled from behind me. "Jane. He's long gone by now. You're in no mood to be driving in this weather." I dropped the keys and fumbled for them on the ground. She grabbed my arm, but I pulled away. "Jane, he's not good for you. You need to let him go."

I jerked the car door open and turned back to look in her scared eyes. "I'm not going to make the same mistake you did. I swore I wouldn't follow in your footsteps — and I'm not. I might not be able to stop him from leaving, but I'm going to try." Mom watched me leave with a stunned look on her face. No doubt I would be severely punished for my act of rebellion.

I pushed the Honda as fast as it would go without driving too recklessly. I didn't know what I was going to do once I got to his house. Beg and plead on my knees? Cry like a lost child? I was certain that no matter what I did or said would have any influence of changing his mind, but I had to try.

I was rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to Edward as I turned on the road that lead to his house. It was not uncommon for a moose or a deer to wander out into the middle of the road; however, it was uncommon for a person. I swallowed a scream as my headlights came across a form standing only inches in front of my car. I slammed on brakes to avoid hitting them, and my car started to fish tale out of control. I closed my eyes and clutched the steering wheel, praying that I wouldn't kill them or myself. This would be a perfect ending to such a tragic story, I thought.

It seemed like the drama should have lasted much longer than it did. I had scarcely finished my prayer, when my car door opened. Immediately I was bombarded with fear as someone grabbed a hold of me, and quickly pulled me from the car.

"I'm going to release you," Alice said, covering my mouth with her hand, "but you have to swear not to scream." I nodded my head. "And for heaven sake, slow your heartbeat." Just as quickly as she had grabbed me — she let go.

"You scared the shit out of me," I seethed trying to calm my nerves. "What were you thinking? I could have killed you."

Alice giggled. "You still have a lot to learn." Then her face grew serious. "I wanted to stop you before you got to the house. As soon as he heard you, he took off out his window and wasn't planning on coming back."

"You saw this?" Under normal circumstances I would have disagreed with Alice wanting to change what the future had already had planned. Except this wasn't considered a normal circumstance. I was very thankful for her ability and apparent friendship.

"I don't agree with his plan of action. I didn't agree with it when he decided to leave your mother." She chastised me with her eyes. I opened my mouth to apologize, but she shook her head to stop me. "We don't have time to talk about that right now. I have to get you to the house." I turned and started to walk back to my car. "Where are you going?"

I shot a questioning glance over my shoulder. "To the car."

"He'll hear you approaching a mile away."

"Are you telling me I have to walk? Alice, that will take forever."

"I'm going to give you a lift. You don't have any problems with piggy-back rides, do you?"

"You are going to carry me?" I asked, unable to keep the laughter out of my voice.

"I'm a vampire. I'm very strong and fast."

We moved my car to the side of the road out of harms way. Alice squatted and grabbed onto my thighs, while my arms wrapped around her neck. I couldn't help but giggle the whole time.

"You're not going to have much time once we get to the house," Alice said. "Since this is your first time running with a vampire, let me suggest that you keep your eyes shut and hold your breath. I'm going to take you straight up to his room. Good luck."

"Wait. I thought since you stopped me from pulling up to your house you automatically changed the future. He can still leave?"

"Yes. Hold on."

She started running before I had a chance to take a deep breath; when I did I got a mouthful of snow. The cold air stung my face. The wind whistled in my ear, whipping my hair behind me. It felt like I was on a really fast ride at an amusement park. My muscles automatically tensed with adrenaline. I wanted to open my eyes, but now was not the time to be testing my equilibrium. Alice said I had to be quick, something I already wasn't good at doing successfully without falling.

I opened my eyes once the wind stopped and slid off Alice's back. Edward's door stood right in front of me. She gently pushed me forward and gave me a wink before disappearing in a blur. It seemed like a dream, except the tightening in my chest was a constant reminder that it was real.

My hand turned the silver knob while my other hand pushed against the door. Edward was on the floor staring at a painting — my painting — of Venus. His back, which was facing me, stiffened. I stood motionless as he eloquently rose to his feet.

"Is there a reason you're here?" I shivered at the sound of bitterness in his voice. Suddenly, I forgot everything I had wanted to say to him. He kept his back to me as he placed the painting behind his bookshelf and walked over to the window. "Exactly how long have you known?"

"For a while." I found it difficult to speak. My eyes stayed glued to him — scared that if I blinked or looked away he would be gone.

"Bella would have never mentioned me."

"I found pictures of you at Grandpa Charlie's when we went to Forks for his funeral. Mom never revealed your secret. There was a guy I met in Forks who was vaguely familiar with your family and history."

"Those dogs just can't seem to keep their mouths shut." He chuckled with a dry and cynical sound. "Now you know that I am the cause for Bella — your mother's — psychotic actions." He turned then to face me. His eyes were stony with anger. "I'm her nightmare. I'm her panic attacks. I'm the reason you had no mother for the first five years of your life. She was almost killed by three vampires who only wanted her because I wanted her."

I met his gaze. "You're trying to scare me — to make me hate you so leaving will be easy. Everything in life comes with some type of consequence. You don't know that what happened to my mother will happen to me. Alice can't even predict that."

"I am trying to scare you because you don't belong with me. Don't you understand why there can never be a friendship, or any other type of relationship between us? You should be with your kind and I should stay with mine. There is no changing who we are. The sooner you face that truth, the quicker you will accept my absence."

"I'll never accept your absence." I moved closer to him, but he took a cautious step back. "You can't compare me to my mother because I'm not her. I'm not going to let you walk away so easily. If you leave…I'll make it my mission in life to find you."

"And does that seem normal to you?" He sneered.

"It seems more normal than what you continue to do," I shot back refusing to back down. "Okay, your relationship with my mother ended badly. It didn't work out the way either of you wanted. That doesn't mean ours will end the same — that we shouldn't even try. What if people in sports reacted the same way? I lost to this person last year in tennis so why even bother playing this year. The year they decided not to play could be the year they would have won the gold."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly. "That's a game, Jane. This is life. You could die so very easily by being with me." Slowly, his defenses began to fall. He looked at me not with eyes of bitterness or hate, but with weary, lonely eyes.

"Do you know what one drop of your blood could do on a bad day? Do you know what would happen if I lost any control with you? You are like my own personal hell. Your blood torments me, but the vessel it's stored in is so fascinating and attractive." He probably thought he had offended me by his comment and averted his eyes from my gaze. "It's so hard for me to explain it."

"I understand you better than you think." This time when I stepped closer to him, he didn't move. "I like all kind of truffles, but my favorite is white chocolate. It's like being in a store with several different flavored truffles: Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, milky almond, chocolate cinnamon, champagne. But there is only one white chocolate truffle. What's so distressing is that the ganache in it is poisonous. It could be lethal, but I wont know until I've ingested it. And though I have all these other truffles around, the white chocolate is the only one I want — regardless of how dangerous it is. Should I gorge on all the others while I'm constantly thinking about the one I really want, or should I take my chance and stop wasting time because I know I will never be fully satisfied — ever?"

"It's not fair for you to have to risk your life just to be with me."

"And it's not fair for you not to give me a chance at making this work," I retaliated.

"Right now everything seems cut and dry, but sooner or later you're going to want certain things that I can't give you," he said with despair in his voice. "I don't age, Jane. I don't eat human food. I can't take a sunny stroll with you in public. I can't hold you for a long period of time without freezing you. These are things that will never change between us because I refuse to turn you into a monster."

I stepped back, momentarily stunned. "Monster?"

"Yes." His eyes darkened as he stared at me intensely. I saw his fear. It was only then that I recognized what his worst nightmare was. He saw himself not like I did, but as a demon — a vile creature.

I placed my hand against his face — slick as marble. I loved the feel of his skin; it was unlike anything I would ever feel again.

"You are not a monster." I tried to assure him.

"How can you say that when right now my mouth is watering for your blood? After the pain and hurt I've caused your mother, how can you not look at me with disgust?"

"The pain you caused my mother is no greater than the pain you caused yourself. I…I feel terrible that you are in such agony because of my humanity."

"Never apologize for being human. I love your humanity." I smiled as he took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. "The day will come when you will want to give up a beating heart for a cold, static one." I shook my head, but he only chuckled and nodded. "Yes. When you watch yourself with judging eyes as you begin to age and think you are less attractive to me. When you bore of the lack of intimacy I can provide. When you think my life is much easier than yours. When you come in contact with another vampire and they feel pity for you because I wont take your soul."

"Being a vampire doesn't mean you have no soul. To have no soul you would have no conscience. You can't tell me that you are more of a monster than Reggie or Mackenzie just because you are a vampire." He remained quiet. "Right now I have no desire to change. I've still got high school then college. I'm not saying I'll never want to, but I'm happy being me right now. I would never push you into doing something you think is morally wrong — although I disagree with your logic." His laugh caused my smile to widen. Then I remembered what was at stake and I placed my cheek against his chest.

"Please, don't go," I whispered. His hand smoothed my hair.

"Bella will never agree to us. She bears too many scars of what my lifestyle means for a human. I have no right to ask permission to date her daughter."

"Then we wont tell her." There was a rumble of laughter in his throat.

"She would figure it out eventually."

"Then let's be honest with her." I pulled back and looked him in the eye. I could tell he was skeptical by the way his eyebrow was arched. "Once she realizes she was wrong and that you have no intentions of going anywhere, she'll be fine with it."

"You underestimate a mother's love. She will be fighting just as hard at keeping me away as you are at trying to keep me from leaving."

"So are you going to give up — just like that?"

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't want to be the one to pull you two apart. I'm not worth it. However," he held a hand up to silence me, "I don't want to make the same foolish mistake I made twenty years ago. I don't want to do that kind of damage to your heart — not when you've healed mine." I reveled in his open admiration for me.

"I hope you two have determined the status of your relationship," Alice said as she barged through the door. "Bella is seconds away from calling the cops."

"She wouldn't…" But I stopped knowing she would.

Alice thought things would go much smoother if she were the one who took me home. Edward wouldn't hear of it. He said he should be the one since it was his fault to begin with. When I tried to explain that I was responsible for my own decisions, they both ignored me.

Alice had already parked my car in front of their house and Edward assisted me in the passenger seat. She wished us luck as Edward peeled away from the house. I tried calling the house on my cell phone, but there was no service. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously while Edward's composure never wavered.

"You're not going to drop me off, then change your mind and leave — are you?" His laugh calmed my nerves.

"Ah, it sounds like I about have you convinced that I am a monster after all." He shook his head and reached for my hand. "If I ever decide that what we have is too much of a risk for you — I will let you know."

I was slightly comforted by his comment. I didn't like the idea of leaving my future entirely up to him without me having a say so in the matter, but I wasn't going to argue with him about it just yet. There was still that one huge obstacle in our way — my mother.

We pulled up to the house and my temper began to rise at the sight of the patrol car sitting in my yard.

"I can't believe her!" I flung the car door open and slammed it with as much energy I had. Edward was by my side before I had a chance to take a single step forward.

"Maybe it would be best if I leave —"

"Oh no. She has no right to dictate who I can or can't see." I began to move toward the house with determination.

"She is your mother, Jane," Edward said behind me. "I can't say I blame her."

I stalled. "I can see why she is worried, but it is still my life. She has to trust me to make the right decisions." I turned and faced him. "Right now I choose you. I know what I'm getting involved in."

The house door opened and my father stepped outside.

"Jane, where the hell have you been? Your mother has been worried sick." His eyes focused on the person behind me.

I opened my mouth to explain just as Mom pushed herself in front of Dad. The top of a police hat could be seen just over Dad's shoulder. Sensing the cop behind him, Dad turned and apologized for the inconvenience. The policeman looked agitated to have wasted his precious time. All four of us stood quietly in the snow until the patrol car was vanished down the road.

"Steve, why don't you and Jane go inside and set the table for dinner," Mom said keeping her eyes focused on Edward.

"I'm not hungry." I remained planted in front of Edward as if protecting him from my mother's glare.

"You can at least eat some cake and be civilized," Dad said. "Come inside before you freeze." When I didn't move, Dad's voice became more forceful. "Now, Jane."

"Go, don't worry," Edward whispered as his hand lightly urged me forward. "Have a good birthday."

Reluctantly, I left him and went inside. I heard Mom tell Dad she would be in shortly and then the door closed. I took the steps two at a time almost breaking my neck. Dad mumbled something, but I was too focused on trying to get to my room so I could watch from my window.

I threw the curtains back and raised the window to a crack. I cuffed my hands around my ears so I could hear better. Mom was closer to Edward, but still kept a safe distance.

"Did you tell her you were leaving?" Mom asked.

"I've had a change of plans."

Mom's back was to me, but I could only imagine the look on her face.

"Why are you doing this to me? If you truly have any decency in you, you would leave us alone."

"I screwed up twenty years ago when I left you. I thought I was doing the right thing. Had I known what was going to happen — I never would have left. It was wrong for me to leave then, just like it would be wrong for me to leave now." Edward's eyes briefly flashed up to meet mine. "I know the risks involved, so does she. I'll take extra care of her Bella. When it gets to be too much, then I'll leave in my own timing under my own will."

"If you think I'm going to allow this relationship with my daughter, you're sadly mistaken. You nor any of the other Cullens are welcomed at my house. Don't push me, Edward. You have no idea how much I've grown in twenty years."

The door slammed so hard downstairs it rattled the windows. Edward gave me a reassuring smile before Mom grabbed my arm and jerked me away from the window. She shut and locked the window, then pulled the curtains together.

"You are not allowed to see him," she said in a choked voice. "I have protected you from his type for seventeen years — I love you too much not to give a damn now. You may think this is love, but it's not. You can't love his kind and his kind is unable to love. What you have is infatuation for something mythical. This isn't one of your novels, Jane. You haven't experienced —" The knock on the door silenced her.

"Are we going to eat or not?" he asked, poking his head into the room.

They paused at the door for me. I took one last look out the window to the empty, snow covered yard below.