Chap Summary:In which everyone opens up and Stella has all the symptoms.

Cursing quietly to herself, Ronnie pushed open the front door to the apartment then slammed it shut behind her, she felt hot tears springing at her eyes but refused them instead she grabbed herself a bottled water from the refrigerator and slipped out of her heels. Fifteen minutes later she'd scrubbed off her make up, was out of her evening gown and into a pair sweat shorts and a white tee shirt.

The flimsy pale yellow long silk gown hung on a coat hanger on the wardrobe, she glared at it then opened the wardrobe and shoved the dress in, she sat down on the bed and let her thoughts take her away.

After a while she got up again and returned to the kitchen, here she started to make herself a drink when the light went out.

"Shit" she said out loud, usually Danny would sort out any blown fuses as he was the only one tall enough out of them to reach

"Fuck him" she said bitterly and grabbed a bar stool from beside the counter and then a new lightbulb

She clambered onto the stool, almost slipping when her fingers touched the hot bulb but she calmed down, removed it and tossed it neatly into the sink, it shattered.

"What are you doing?"

She glanced at the door and saw Danny stood there looking perplexed and a little anxious.

"Changing the light" she said flatly

"You're gonna hurt yourself" he said and was quickly over by the stool, wincing as she went up on her tiptoes to screw in the light

"No I'm not. See?" she said smugly as the room was lit once again

He narrowed his eyes and held out his hands, placing them on her hips and bringing her down to the ground. She met his eyes briefly and he was saddened by what he saw there, she walked past him without another glance.
When he finally followed her a few minutes later she was sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard a forensics tome in her hands.

"Light reading huh?" he said awkwardly

She didn't look up "I have a final examination soon"

"Oh" he was confused "I forgot" he sat down on the other side of the bed and began to wonder what else he'd missed. He leaned back on the headboard and noted how she stiffened near him, he turned his head to watch her then realised quickly that she wasn't really reading, she was just pretending to.

"Veronica?" he said tentatively and noted hopefully that she had stopped pretending to read but she was still not looking at him. He had only one card left.

"I blamed myself" he said "For Rueben. I still do a little" he said hoarsely

She looked up now and stared at him, her blue eyes filled with concern but she stayed silent and let him talk. And so he did. He tried to explain his grief, his feelings of guilt about the tragic death of the kid he'd come to look on as almost a nephew or even a son.
Then after some time passed he stopped and let out a sigh of utter relief.

"Wow"

She carefully linked her fingers with his "Its gonna hurt a while yet. But I'll be here"

He lowered his head onto her shoulder "I didn't want you to feel as bad as I did. Especially after...." he frowned "I'm sorry"

She lightly kissed the top of his head "Its okay"

He wound his body around hers realising that he'd missed how comforting she was when he needed her while she curled her arms around him protectively, his head was now on the flat of her stomach, just close enough to her chest to hear her heart beat. They stayed like that in contemplative silence for a while until their quiet was comically interrupted by the low rumble of her stomach.
Danny raised his head to look at Ronnie and they both burst out into laughter, he sat up a little.

"Don't move a muscle, I'll fix you something" he said and slid off the bed, he cast a parting glance at her "Stay very still"

She grinned, wiggling her toes then going completely still "Okay"

When he returned moments later with a plate of souped up pizza, a bottle of wine and two glasses she leapt up and reached for the pizza happily.

"You were supposed to stay still" he said with a mock stern voice then sank against the head board once again, this time with her curling into his arms

He fed her a slice of pizza and she giggled, her eyes shutting as she savoured the taste, when she opened them again he was watching her with a small smile on his face.

"What?" she said and grimaced "Have I got mozarella on my face?"

He dipped his head down to kiss her, his tongue grazing her lower lip "Not anymore"

She grinned again and ate another pizza slice.

When they were both full and feeling slightly drowsy from the now half empty bottle of wine, they curled up under the blankets together and lay there in each others arms in comfortable peace.

"I'm glad we decided to tough this out" said Ronnie

"Me too"

She had hooked her leg around his and tucked her head under his chin while he held her as close as tightly as was comfortable.

"We're gonna be okay" he mumured into the soft of her hair

She stroked his cheek "Better than okay"

He looked thoughtful then he kissed her, murmuring something into her lips. He felt her smile widen against his mouth and she breathed out a single word in response.

Mac straightened out the papers on his desk, there was little left for him to do in terms of current cases, he supposed he could work on older cases but the idea of filling the upcoming weekend with paperwork and endless streams of coffee was not appealing. He leaned back into his chair, swivelling around to face the window, outside the city was luminous, glittering with thousands upon thousands of lights, he could see all the homes, all the people hurrying on the street below, the couples with their hands held, in no rush at all. He frowns for a moment; picturing a future that could never be.

"Knock knock"

He swivelled around again, smiling a little when he saw Ronnie; his smile only widened when she returned it. Her cheeks flushed from the cold.

She was wearing a bright red beanie hat and a matching pashmina draped over her bomber jacket to protect herself from the weather.

"You look very fashionable" he said with a smirk

She grinned "I'm heading out to a little dinner with my girls. I just wanted to see you quickly"

"Okay" he got up out of his seat and walked to the other side of the desk, then sat down "I'm all ears"

She grinned once more then stretched out her arms and gave him a hug, he froze for a moment then reciprocated, squeezing her back with just as much vigour.

"I gather this means we're friends again?" he said carefully once she'd let him out of her bearlike grip

She nodded "Oh I couldn't stay mad at you for long. I know...that you're a good man and I'm sorry for doubting you"

He shrugged, overly casual "I'm not sure you were wrong to"

"But I was Mac..." she hesitated then lowered her eyes and continued "I found out I couldn't have kids and then...everything kind of went wrong with me and Danny then Rueben died and..." she cleared her throat

"We were in a really bad place and so was I. Now it feels like things are turning around again but...I don't know if I'm ready to start re-thinking things again. All the things I had planned for my life. I-I don't know what to do. All I know is I need my friends around me"

When she fell silent Mac stood up, standing a good few inches above her, he gently tilted her chin up to look at him.

"Ronnie, the future is always uncertain, even when we think we know what to expect it changes suddenly and throws us off balance. When that happens the only thing to do is get up and either start again or try the next path. I know its...terrifying to face the unknown but you of all people have reminded me how important it is to take risks and confront fears"

He waited as she considered this then she spoke up again; this time some of her earlier cheerfulness had returned but it was touched with sadness

"I took a huge part of my future for granted. I just assumed that you know, one day I'd settle down with a couple of kids. Now thats...gone....I-I don't wanna use up anymore energy being angry at myself or anyone else" she exhaled and her eyes brightened as she looked at him "I wanna be with the people I love, I wanna be happy"

Her words struck a chord with him "I know" he said and she started to smile

"We sound like we should be in some horrendous off-Broadway drama"

He chuckled "I'll leave the costuming to you"

Her eyes widened quickly at this and she glanced at her wristwatch "Oh shit...I mean....oh....shit"

"Gotta run?"

"Yup"

She pecked him on the cheek "Thanks Mac" then rushed off, he was still for a moment as he thought of what she'd said then he too was on his way, pausing only to grab his coat.

"No, I just need a couple more things then I'm done. Why don't you call the cab?" said Stella

Gavin gave an incoherent reply from the kitchen which she assumed was a postive response then she continued packing, trying to determine which shoes to take with her for the getaway.

She walked over to her drawers and fished in them for a favourite blouse of hers when she was distracted by a leather bound photo album lying underneath a pile of sweaters in a bottom drawer.

She took it out and started to flip through it, stopping at one particular picture. One of her and Mac before the wedding.
She remembered how tense he'd been that day and how much she'd tried to pretend she didn't know the cause behind it.
In the picture she's stood facing him and they are having a conversation, they are not close enough to touch, even accidentally but it is as if they have eyes only for each other, there is no one else. The bond between them may not be visible in the picture but its presence is clearly there.

Sighing she put the album back under the pile of sweaters, remembering suddenly just why she'd hidden it away. Finding her blouse she went back to finish packing, stuffing in a few more clothing items then with a purposeful nod she returned to the drawer, picked out the album, took out the photo and slipped it into her handbag.

Gavin looked up from his coffee just as his taxi was drawing near "Ready?"

"I am now" smiled Stella she raked a hand through her curls "Can't wait"

He stood up from the kitchen stool and came over to her, he stretched out his hands expectantly and she walked into them, holding him close.

"I'm glad you're making an effort Stella, I know its gonna be difficult but sweetheart I will do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy and this whole transistion is as smooth as possible"

She inhaled sharply and clenched her fists "I need a glass of water Gav"

Perplexed he cupped her face in his hands, examining her curiously "Are you okay darling?"

"Please...water" she gasped

He did as she asked and watched as she drank down a glass, she seemed slightly calmed but her eyes were still dazed.

"Stella what was that? Are you alright? Should I call the doctor?" he said worriedly

She shook her head, saved from answering by the doorbell ringing.

"Thats the cab"

"We can postpone, take a later flight"

She managed a smile "Gavin I'm not postphoning a romantic weekend away to Italy. You can stay if you want but I'm getting on that plane"

He smiled a little then but his eyes still bore worry "You're okay then?"

"Just a dizzy turn. I need to eat when we're on that plane then I'll sleep it off" she picked up her suitcase and handbag then dropped a kiss on his cheek

"I'm fine. Lets go"

Mac continued to knock on the door, he tried the doorbell and he even asked a passing neighbour. But all his attempts gave him the same result, there was no one home, or more specifically; Stella was not home.

He tried calling her again, instead trying her home number but before the time came to leave a message he hung up.

Frustrated he let out a sigh and tucked his hands and his cell in his pockets.

He walked away from the apartment block; he'd waited for Stella for a long time, he could wait a little longer till she got back from wherever she was.