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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!
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'Will you at least sit down?' Minerva offered him a seat.
He glared at her and turned dismissively towards the window. No, he didn't want to sit down. He didn't even want to be there. He wanted to return to his apartments and gather up his pieces. When he read at the newspapers that the Ministry was asking the Wizengamot to lift the school's sanctuary, he went into a raging fire. He sustained the shame of living among the people that betrayed him, in the hopes of healing. He remained only because Minerva's wards allowed him some privacy. Her offer gave him the time to heal slowly. Lately he felt much stronger and his clothes fitted him well instead of hanging loose. His legs rarely got tired and he didn't mind taking his time to come around. He could see a ray of light down the road and that was so rare for him, but the Ministry didn't care about his hopes as it seemed.
'Hadn't I been clear enough in my request for privacy?' he asked coldly.
'Yes, and it has been a request well respected,' Minerva replied calmly.
'Not anymore,' he drawled and moved close to her.
'What do you mean?' she looked up to him.
He placed the newspaper on her desk and pointed at the title that had stirred his emotions up so bad. 'This.'
She sighed, 'I've already read this.'
'Do you know what they want out of me?' his brow creased deeply.
'No, but I can assume,' she replied.
'Assume then...'
'They want you to speak of all the things, you thoroughly want to avoid,' she replied with an honestly that bothered him.
'I can, maybe, understand your need to bring up the past, but the Ministry shouldn't have a reason to stir up the pot,' he let fly.
'I will dare assume that the Wizengamot will have specific requests from you,' she pressed her lips testily.
'Yes, like putting me through another bloody trial for my past crimes,' he felt his stomach tensing with unease.
'I think you are the best candidate...'
'...for a long-term visit in Azkaban?' he sneered.
'To show them how Voldemort used the Dark Arts and organise the Ministry better against such attacks in the future,' she replied carefully.
He felt like laughing, but nothing came out 'Don't try to be nice with me, Minerva. You make my insides twist, ' he retorted heavily.
She signed and closed her eyes, 'You don't have to be so offensive, I get your point.'
'Have they approached you?' his voice was cold and his eyes heavy on her.
'Not yet,' Minerva tried to keep calm under his frigid scrutiny.
'What are your intentions?' he scowled.
'Meaning?' she inquired.
'Do you intend to lift the magical sanctuary of the school? And if yes, I demand to know when,' he pursued his lips. He really hated asking something off her, but this time he couldn't ignore her. She was the Headmistress in this accursed castle, and he needed some assurances.
'No I don't intend to do something like that, unless someone orders me,' she responded rather diplomatically.
He threw his hands in the air. 'Well, that's pretty clear.'
'What do you want me to say? That I will disobey the Wizengamot?' she frowned.
'Oh, of course not. That would be too much for you,' he drawled and crossed his arms.
'Well, it is a slightly demanding request!' she raised her voice.
'Is it?' he whispered and his tongue suddenly tasted bitter.
It was so easy for them to declare their appreciation for the sacrifices he during the war, but when he asked for something in return, he was denied. Those were their true colours, the ones he knew so well all these years. The ones that a young brunette made him partly doubt, which was a mistake he was not going to repeat twice.
'Severus listen to me...I have kept this place private in order to give you time to heal. I intend to keep it sealed until you leave, but I cannot stop life. In September, the school gates reopen, and I cannot disobey the Wizengamot without serious consequences to the school,' she said solemnly.
'To the school or to yourself?' he asked turning around coldly.
'To the school! What is wrong with you? Do you take me for an egotistical monster?' she asked raising her voice.
'All the Headmasters of this school are prone to that personality malfunction,' he replied dryly.
'Where have you seen the egotism in me Severus?' she asked rather annoyed.
'Where have I seen it? Dare you ask?' he asked feeling his neck crawling with adrenaline.
'During the year that you have been Headmaster, none of us knew the truth about you,' she got up slowly.
'Spare me,' he moved towards the fireplace, regretting his quick decision to visit her this afternoon.
'No, you wait now!' she exclaimed.
His brow lifted testily and he glared at her.
'I have been trying to talk to you since you regain consciousness! Back then no one knew apart from Albus. No one could imagine the truth. When you assisted his passing on, your guilt seemed indisputable. We were not less guilty for believing that. Please accept my apologies...,' her face filled with anguish.
That's quite enough...
'You worked with me for fifteen years. Back then you believed in my loyalty to Albus and the Order, yet you easily relapsed against me, when it suited you needs. So easy to label me a murderer and become the hero of the day, the noble resistance against me. The bearer the truth and the honour,' he tried hard to control his temper. He saw Albus's painting observing him closely but remaining thankfully silent.
'You think too little of me! Are you suggesting that it was cheaper on my skin to think you a murderer!' she hurled back at him.
'You never thought to look deeper did you? None of you did!' he spat with hatred.
'Albus was dead and Voldemort was controlling the school and was attacking the magical world! No one had the clear mind to do that!' she exclaimed.
Albus turned to him and got ready to talk, but Severus raised his finger warningly at him, 'Don't you dare speak!' he warned. When he saw Albus settling down once more, his eyes fell on Minerva. 'You easily labelled me a killer again, but that was not the worst thing. You had the audacity to slur my name to all the students. Not to mention that you tried to stop my work in this accursed castle, which was to keep all you people ALIVE and your perfect ethics on point!' he roared unable to control himself anymore. That particular conversation made him lose every single thread of self-control.
'You kept us alive and we are solely grateful to you. You are angry with us, I can understand that' she said carefully.
'I am angry with the WORLD!' his voice echoed like a whip inside her office.
'I should have seen the truth behind your actions. Lord knows Albus told me that he trusted you till the end. Alas, I thought you had betrayed us,' she said with sadness.
'Being the traitorous bastard suited me better, didn't it?' he asked with bitterness.
'No it didn't, Severus. It should have been clear to me, because I know you,' she replied honestly.
'You know nothing,' he retorted and made to leave again. She caught him by the arm.
'I know you, I have known you since you were a child,' she said solemnly.
'I have never been a child,' he said heavily.
She withdrew her hand from him. 'I have seen the abusive behaviour of your parents. I have seen what you are made off, and it is painful, but always loyal and brave. Never traitorous...' she trailed off, her large eyes beseeching.
He stiffened visibly, 'Keep your mouth shut old woman...,' he ordered and looked towards Albus warningly. 'If the Wizengamot orders you to open up the gates, I will need to know, beforehand. Is that clear?'
'Yes of course,' she replied.
He nodded and stepped into the fireplace. The first thing he did when he stepped out was to pick up a tray of china and throw it with force to the wall, letting it crash with a satisfying sound as all the broken pieces rebound to the floor. He felt his chest tightening and leaned on the mantelpiece trying to catch his breath. Fear drenched him with cold sweat as he thought he caused himself another heart attack. He silently tried to identify that tightness in his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to understand the pain. After a few dreadful moments, he finally did...
It was not a heart attack, it was seething anger, towards everyone in this damned castle, but above all towards himself for getting trapped in here. He turned around, looking desperately for something else to vent his anger. That is when the door knocked softly. He offered it a menacing glare. He didn't want to open the door to whoever was out there. He closed his eyes and tried to control his heaving breaths. This was why he didn't want to talk to anyone from his past life here. They were going to remind him the exact things that he was trying so hard to forget. That was why he kept in the company of his former student. She was a pleasant present, a small paradise through his hell, a little ray of sunlight, but above all her aroma was vibrant and alive...and he was so tired of seeing death...
The door knocked again. He looked at it, feeling his anger momentarily subside / holding his anger at bay momentarily and straightened. The next knock made his lips curl down in dismissal. Seething to send whoever was knocking out of his presence, he opened the door.
His mind smiled involuntarily when he saw her, but he checked himself with austerity. She was holding a plate that smelt wonderful in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She raised them both and smiled at him widely 'May I come in?' she asked.
He looked back to his rooms and saw the shattered china...
well I wasn't quite expecting her ...he thought.
Since the return of her husband he hadn't seen her. She warned him that she would be unable to meet with him often with Mark around and she had been true to her word. She was involved in her housewife activities so he was really not expecting to see her anytime soon.
if ever, and does that bother me?...
His logic told him that it shouldn't. All they were having at that point was sexual foreplays, not even intercourse and it was taking all his self-control to satisfy her repeatedly without accepting what she offered in return, because he didn't intend to fuck her. She was too young and unspoiled to be touched that way by him. She was also engaged to be married. Everything was pointing against anything more serious.
He left her standing by the door and walked to the fireplace. 'Come in,' he offered rather coldly.
She followed him in and closed the door behind her. 'Have you eaten anything today?' she asked and placed the plate and the bottle on the table.
'No,' he replied succinctly.
'What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?' she came around to him and squeezed his shoulder.
'I am a little tired Hermione.'
'Have you taken your medication?' she asked.
'As appointed by St. Mungo's,' he walked to the table and took the wine. He looked briefly at the label and magicked the cork away with a flick of his wrist.
"I see you are quick enough to pick up the wine,' she smiled slyly.
'Any kind of alcohol would be welcome at the moment,' he poured the drink and then emptied it like water.
'Aren't you going to offer me a glass?' she smiled playfully at him, 'I've earned it! I am not wearing any underwear,' she finished with a wink.
He gazed at her intensely as he emptied the second glass. 'I am really too tired to be provoked right now,' he replied and offered her a refilled glass.
She took it in her hands and her sexual glow got lost under a thoughtful frown.
'What happened?' she asked.
'Nothing,' he replied and moved towards the bedroom, unfastening his shirt and his trousers as he walked.
'Severus, you are clearly distressed. You just emptied two glasses of wine without a blink, and you have been sober for how long?' she asked.
He shed off his shirt that fell to the floor and took the drink from her hands. He brought it to his lips and emptied it again. 'Seven years,' he replied giving her the glass back.
She took it with a deep scowl, 'Three glasses. Now are you going to tell me or am I going to bother you, till you do?'
'Where is your husband?' he knew that he was being offensive, but he couldn't stop himself at that moment.
She crossed her arms, 'If you want me out of here, tell me, don't use Mark,' she said and he immediately regretted his manner. He was not upset with her. She was not responsible for his anger, nor should he take it out on her.
He closed his eyes, 'Turn around,' he said to her and murmured a spell that immediately filled the bathtub with water. 'Forgive me Hermione you didn't deserve that,' he said with a wince as he stripped completely and lowered himself into the hot water. He refrained from moaning out loud.
She opened her eyes and leaned on the frame of the door with her arms crossed. 'Want to tell me what upset you so much? Haven't seen you in this state since the second morning you decided to leave this hospital and I stopped you,' she said softly.
He leaned his head back and breathed deeply. When had been the last time that another person quite honestly asked him if he was alright? Shouldn't he be appreciative of what she was doing with him at the moment.
This is the woman that saved you...it's the same voice asking you what happened today...not a stranger's voice. Nor a voice from the past...
He closed his eyes, 'I had a brief meeting with your Headmistress,' he said softly.
'Minerva? What about?' she asked coming inside and approaching the tub.
'About the Wizengamot's intentions of removing the institutional asylum of the school,' he replied succinctly. The fabric of her pantyhose rubbed as she sat at the side of the tub. She was right there in front of him, watching him with such...care...
'I see,' she nodded '...and what did she say to upset you so?' she leaned over and took the sponge.
'It matters not,' he sunk under water and began counting. He heard the sound of the air bubbles around him and saw her dark figure above him. Right there another memory slashed through his mind and sent waves of terror all over his body. He saw dark cold waters enveloping him and corpses all around. Seeing the black lake of his coma, hadn't been his intention.
'It matters to me' she spoke close to him and the sponge wiped his face clean tenderly.
Are you for real…? his mind asked, but he refrained from voicing his thought.
He cupped her hand and stilled her, 'What are you doing?'
She smiled, 'I am taking care of you...as I have done since you returned,' she flicked her shoulders.
That was true alright. She had been taking care of him all this time, without asking for anything in return...
well...
...Ok, with wanting one thing in return, but he was more than willing to give that to her.
She twisted her hand away gently and started cleaning his neck and shoulders, 'You just need to relax for a moment. You are too stressed and that cannot be good for your heart,' the softness of her voice loosened up his knuckles.
'My heart is fine,' his voice was becoming softer by the minute.
'Yet it needs time to heal and it also needs less anger from you,' she moved the sponge so soothingly on his skin that he had to refrain from closing his eyes.
'That's a difficult request,' he winced.
She placed her palm on his chest, 'Will you allow me to relax you?' Her finger began drawing small circles on his wet skin.
'Don't you have anything better to do?' he muttered leaning his head back. He had to admit that her touch was beginning to arouse him.
She bit her lip and rolled her eyes playfully, 'No, how about you?'
'I will boringly tag along,' his lips curled up involuntarily.
She laughed, 'Yes my poor boy. I am boring you, am I?' She put the sponge away and as if accepting his challenge, she started sliding her palms softly over his shoulders and neck, making him shiver in pleasure.
He swallowed hard and heard it loud in his ears. She was getting to him, with her steady and soft touch. Her hand went down under the water and caressed his lower belly. His body stiffened and his throat went dry. His arousal was evident under the water and not far from her stray hand. As much as he wanted to keep his distance from her, at the same moment he also wanted to be touched by that insistent hand.
'Will you remain with me tonight? Where is your fiancée?' he asked.
She leaned forward and kissed his brow as her playful fingers passed close to his erection again and again making him bite his lips in need. 'He is at Hogsmeade with his cousin. Boy's night out. He will return in the morning,' Her warm and wet lips kissed his temple gently.
'He stays out the whole night?' he asked.
'Mm, it's ok. I will find some way or another to keep busy.' Her lips opened up and slid to his cheek
'Mind your manners around me young lady,' his voice became several tones deeper when her fingers curled around the base of his erection and caressed the thick hair around it.
'What's wrong with my manners? I think I am treating you very well,' she replied softly and her tongue came out to trace the line of his jaw.
His Adam's apple moved, and his eyes were dark and intense when he gazed at her, 'You are becoming rather provocative.'
Her tongue licked along his jaw and when she reached his chin she opened up her mouth and bit on him gently. 'I am just kissing you. Kissing you softly all over your face. Exactly like you deserve to be kissed.'
Her arms rested on his shoulders and their foreheads touched, 'Am I doing bad, or ...good?' she closed her eyes and breathed the question to him suggestively.
He raised his wet hand and slid it over her pantyhose.
She screeched playfully and tried pushed him away. 'What are you doing?! You are getting me wet!' she said.
'In what manner am I doing that?' his eyes were dilated with lust. His large hand moved towards her inner thighs.
She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, 'Keep it up and I'll tell you in a minute,' she groaned.
'Come here,' he hissed and pulled her in the tub.
She fell into it with a playful yelp. When her buttocks caressed his erection they both gasped. 'Are you happy to see me?' she asked with a hushed voice.
'I could tell you that I've got a thick, long wand in my pocket, but I am not wearing any pants,' his hand eased under her floating shirt and found her breast. He cupped it softly making her moan.
'Good, I want you naked'. Her legs opened up and she straddled him without an invitation. His arms drew her down and she shuddered when his erection pressed on her aching core.
'Tell me...,' his fingers pinched her nipple and her body arched up to his touch, 'Is this what you had in mind for tonight?' he whispered to her.
'Yes' she opened her eyes and looked at him as her body began moving above his. That was enough for both of them. He drew her into his arms and his mouth began ravaging her naked skin as he led them in a flaming rubbing game that made her loose her mind slowly but surely. She let go of every control to him, as his teeth left gentle, but demanding bites all over her breasts and neck. She whimpered pleadingly when his hands spread her buttocks apart and controlled her movement on him. She almost sobbed as the need for a release became unbearable. He wound her up higher and higher and she felt her ears clogging up. She barely felt the water spilling all over the floor as she came apart above him, and she realised only too late that he was coming undone for her a few moments later. It took them several minutes to stop rubbing against each other and to catch their breaths, after that desperate game for control over each other's bodies.
'I think that we...made quite a mess,' she looked around the bathroom. A large pool was moving slowly towards the carpet of the bedroom.
He caressed her back softly 'Come, the water is getting cold' he rose and took her in his arms. An unspoken spell dried them both and the bathroom floor as he walked with her sated towards his bedroom.
'What are we going to do?' she asked as he placed her on his bed and pulled the covers back.
'I am going to go to sleep Hermione. I am an old man and I wasn't counting on jerking off upon you this evening. It wore me out,' he replied honestly and slid under the covers next to her.
'Have I told you that your blunt honesty makes me blush?' she asked getting indeed red in the face.
He looked at her, 'It suits you, so I will opt to use it as frequently as I can.'
'I cannot believe that you paid me a compliment,' her fingers rolled between his hair and he enjoyed her touch thoroughly.
'I am doing everything but fucking you, a simple compliment made you an impression?' he asked playfully.
She covered her face embarrassed, 'You could use better words'. She peeked at him from behind her fingers.
'Like?' he reached up and pulled her hands away.
'How about making love to me?' her cheeks flushed and her teeth worried her bottom lip.
His eyes looked at her lips and he felt an unaccustomed ache in his heart. 'Older people are more...base' he replied quietly.
'No, you are not...,' she smiled at him and her finger caressed his lower lip, sending a shiver down his spine, 'Base, is the last thing that could describe you,' she murmured softly.
'Do you at least believe that I need my sleep as an old man?' his smile came easily when he looked at her beautiful eyes.
'The way you perform on me doesn't betray an old man either,' she rejoined.
He cupped her hand. 'Enough with the compliments. May I get my sleep, please?' His mouth placed a gentle kiss on her palm, that sent goosebumps all over her body.
'Should I go home then?' she blushed crimson from his caring kiss.
'You can either go home, or get under my covers' he felt the first traces of sleep coming all over him.
'Can I sleep here then?' her voice sounded hopeful.
'Feel free to choose,' he smiled and closed his eyes.
He felt the movement of the blanket as she slid under the covers in front of him. After a momentary hesitation were they both held their breaths, she moved backwards and touched her back on his chest. Then she remained silent and unmoving. His sexually content mind didn't think about his actions. One arm eased under her pillow and the other above her waist. He pulled her in and she tucked herself in his embrace eagerly. Her hand cupped his above her stomach and a soft sigh escaped her. 'Goodnight,' she murmured.
He squeezed her hand and smiled behind her, 'Goodnight little lady.'
Sleep came quickly to his tired body, and for the first time in years it was peaceful as he held her tightly in his arms, until the first rays of dawn broke through a small gap in the curtains.
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