26 : I can hold a mirror to you and still see myself in the reflection…
There was a light thudding that stirred Sid from her deep slumber. Settling back into sleep, drool seeped from the corner of her mouth connected by a tendril of saliva to the arm that was mashed between her face and the couch's arm. She groaned slightly at the further thudding getting louder, murmuring something that was meant to be a curse but sounded more like gibberish.
There was a light gasp, one colored with the flare of betrayal and the headiness of judgment, Sid just pulled the covers up over her head and tried to sink back into dreamland.
"Why is there a beautiful brown person in my spot?" An unknown man's voice finally spat, bitterness high in the tone.
Sid shot up at that, not nearly awake enough for human interaction, but she mostly just rubbed the saliva back into her skin and blinked her eyes a few times against the blinding light of all the goddamned windows. She was staring at the dead television as her eyes finally focused through the crust of sleep. She swiveled slowly, leaning over the back of the couch and looking up to the foyer to see a tall, muscular gentleman glaring down at her in something like shock and horror.
"Not that I entirely mind, but what the hell man? I'm go on one little errand and you replace me?" He was pointing right at her but glaring towards the kitchen where Steve was mid-bite into his sixth piece of toast and Bucky was dunking a tea bag into a small ceramic mug. Sid smiled lightly at them, waving a tired hand and trying to blink the morning glare out of her eyes.
"What time is it?" Sid grumbled, digging the heels of her palms into her eyes.
"Excuse me," the new man muttered, "I asked him a question." He rounded on the gentlemen in the kitchen and didn't do much to address Bucky as much as Steve, "Has my spot as the beautiful brown person been usurped, or is this just y'all diversifying?"
Steve chewed through his toast with a soft smile, rounding the counter in his swift grace and placing his plate on the edge in order to take the man into his arms for a ferocious hug. Sid noticed with tempered glee that Steve's actions put a slight frown on Bucky's face.
Steve squeezed the man in his arms, muttering "Hey Sam, how'd everything go?"
Sam hugged him right back with a delightful groan, "Everything went all right man, but I'm more interested in what you've got going on up here." He pulled back and looked at Sid with a truly kind smile and then he flashed a glance at Bucky with a slight nod, "It seems like a lot has happened since I've been gone."
"Sam Wilson, this is Sid." Steve introduced and Sam trotted over to shake Sid's hand above the back of the couch.
"Brown person number one." Sam grinned in reference to himself and Sid chuckled and nodded in appreciation.
"Brown person 2.0." She shot him a wink and he let out a hearty laughter that almost shocked her. She'd been around two brooding super soldiers, spies, and grouchy mutants for too long.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Sid." Sam smiled wide as Sid made her way to stand from the couch, wrapped up in the comforter from Steve's room.
As she got to her feet, a handful of dry cheerios spilled out onto the floor. She frowned heavily, pushing her fingers into her ratty hair and grumbling to herself for a few seconds. She looked up at Steve with a squint, "Why are there cheerios in your comforter?"
Steve and Bucky both did that half breath, half chuckle thing and it shot a bit of morning cheer through Sid's veins. Steve stepped forward while Bucky hung back with a slight smile itching his lip, "Bucky was trying to wake you up by making noise."
"I dropped a cast iron skillet onto the floor and it did nothing." Bucky chimed in with a teasing tone.
"Not long after, it escalated to more drastic measures to try and wake you up." Steve finished and both the men grinned. "You survived a barrage of about fifty cheerios before Sam showed up." Sam sucked on his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing.
Sid glowered at the grinning Steve and Bucky, now sorely unsure if she really wanted to be around the two of them if Bucky ever got his full memories back. They'd be insufferable. "I'm a heavy sleeper. I've learned to be." She spat at them and then shook out the comforter and a few more cheerios clacked onto the floor amidst blatant attempts to stifle laughter.
She sent a tiny hiss at Steve and Bucky and then turned to Sam as she started walking, "Pleasure to meet you too, I've heard a lot about you." She circled around the couch and made her way into the kitchen to poke at Bucky for some coffee. Steve and Sam followed behind her until they were all comfortably situated in the kitchen.
"I hope it's all been good things." He flirted and Sid glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at him. He flashed Steve a stupid grin and Steve couldn't help but smile. He missed Sam's antics and he was sure that Sid would love him.
"Sam Wilson, this is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes." Steve halted the other words that itched his tongue, my best friend, the greatest man I've ever known…
"It's an honor to meet you Sarge." Sam grinned and nodded, leaning himself on the counter next to Steve's perch, waiting politely for Bucky's response in a calm silence.
"I broke your suit." Bucky muttered, eyeing him suspiciously.
"That you did." Sam nodded with half a grin, "Tony fixed it up for me, better than before — so I can't complain too much."
"I threw you off the helicarrier." Bucky insisted coldly.
Sam chuckled, "Yeah, but you know what's more terrifying than being thrown off a helicarrier with a chute?" Sam paused, glancing at Steve and Sid who would be glaring at everyone until she got her coffee, "Jumping out of a goddamn crumbling forty story building with nothing to my name and trying to land in a helicopter driven by a dead man that no one could trust to be there."
Bucky rose a simple eyebrow and Sam nodded softly, "And I ain't alarmed at your presence because Steve over here trusts you, both of you." He pointed between Bucky and Sid before continuing casually, "That makes you pretty golden in my book."
Steve chuckled softly and flashed a glance at Bucky whose face had gone from stern and forced to at least slightly more relaxed. Sam must have made a good impression.
"Oh my god!" Sam almost squealed when his eyes trailed over the edge of the counter. He immediately kneeled to the floor and shuffled a few feet over to be nearer to Dolly who was laying at Bucky's feet. He stopped a good pace away and actually simpered, "She's so cute! Can I pet her?!" The joy in his eyes was so radiant that Sid grimaced at him for being so cheery in the morning and Bucky was too shocked at his display to even bother saying no.
Dolly trampled over to Sam and shoved her barrel chest into his. They tumbled back onto Sam's backside together and he rubbed her belly with an enamored vigor, cooing to her and talking about all the adventures they'd soon go on now that he was back in the tower.
Steve watched as Bucky essentially shrugged off the odd meeting with aplomb and reached to grab a cup of coffee for Sid. He mixed it up as she liked it and handed it over, already pulling a small smile from her lips as she held the mug in her hands and deeply inhaled its almost seductive aroma.
Steve glanced around at everyone and for a sliver of a moment his heart surged in his chest. Bucky leaned against the counter, whispering softly into Sid's ear and making her chuckle. Sam was rolling on the floor with the dog and Steve wasn't sure who was making what noises. They all hung around, circled in his apartment in Stark Tower and for the first time he felt like he was home. He tried to keep his tears from welling up, from breaking the spell of the moment, cause he could really get used to being in this sort of situation more often.
"So, anyone want to give me the full run down?" Sam joked from the floor, "I've been slightly out of the loop."
Sid chuckled, leaning away from Bucky for a moment as she addressed Sam, "The abridged version is much easier." She winked and then placed a delicate hand on her chest in introduction, "I'm homeless and a mutant — or something, we're still waiting on Thor to figure that one out." She waved the statement away for another day, "I found him —," she thumbed to Bucky as she took a small sip, "getting the crud kicked out of him and helped him out. We became friends. Then this genius over here —," she gestured an elbow towards Steve, "he decided to stalk us. Then I kind of tried to kill Captain America. Then we became friends." She sipped again nonchalantly as Sam gaped. A frown painted her features for a second as she swallowed, "Then there was some crazy secret government gun fight that I missed, some science, moving day, alcohol poisoning, a lot of mandatory friendship time…" She flashed her glance back to Sam with a shrug, "Nothing too crazy."
Sam sputtered out a laugh, "Nothing too crazy?" He looked at Steve and Bucky and shook his head, "I'm quickly coming to understand that you two are nothing but trouble." He flashed a glance to Sid who was grinning at them a little too wickedly, so Sam added, "And now they roped in a beautiful brown person to take my place. I was only gone for a month, Steve. You could have at least texted."
Steve chuckled and shook his head, "I don't think anyone from Stark Tower is against adding some new faces around here. We get tired of each other enough as is."
Sid smiled and waved them all off, "I'm still just a squatter. Give me some food so it will make sleeping on that god forsaken couch worthwhile. Can't believe I actually miss sleeping in the dirt." She rubbed at her neck a little pathetically.
Sam watched a frown twitch on Steve and Bucky's brows. He noticed their little tick of tension before they masked whatever emotions were stirred by Sid's statement. He tucked that away for further discussion and faced Sid, "So what floor are you staying on?" Sam added politely.
Sid shrugged as she sipped her cup, "This one. Any one. I'm not actually used to sleeping in total solitude. Even if I had a full room all too myself, I'm not exactly sure what to even do in it. I like having these lumbering fools around." She smiled at Steve and Bucky who took her gentle ribbing in stride, "Keeps things interesting."
Sam chuckled, "Well if interesting is what you want, interesting is definitely what you're gonna get around here." He eyed Sid again, "So, mutant or whatever? Is that something you talk about?"
"It's not something I have full authority to speak about — we are just starting to figure it out." Sid admitted and reached across the counter, pressing up on her tip toes to grab a piece of Steve's cinnamon sugar toast.
Sam nodded, nonplussed, "So what do you do?"
She shrugged, trying to find the easiest way to explain her powers, "Uh, I can control elements?"
Sam's eyes widened as he let out a wolf whistle, "Damn, like the Avatar?"
"What do blue aliens have to do with this?" Steve interjected, silently proud he caught that reference. His pride soon wilted when he saw the absolutely vexed glares he received from Sid and Sam. Their obvious distaste for his statement made his shoulders hunch in insecurity, "What?"
Sam rolled his eyes, rather dramatically if you asked Steve, and Sid just scoffed out a whatever and kept going, "I heal people too."
Sam chortled, "Well shit, that's convenient."
Sid shot him a sad smile after the tiniest quiver of her lip and she just shrugged, "Sometimes." She cleared her throat and changed the subject, "So, you have a suit of some kind and you were thrown from those flying death machines called helicarriers?"
He nodded, "Yeah, they call me Falcon." He grinned a little, but it was hesitant, acknowledging Sid's interpersonal roadblock, "I got a pretty sweet set up with wings. Tony really decked it out."
Sid grinned, fascination glowing behind those earthy eyes, "I'd love to see them. Tony won't let me near his suits and Steve doesn't like to share his shield."
Something tickled in the back of Bucky's mind and he closed his eyes, awaiting the screeching that tended to halt his thoughts. His tension from fearing the pain was lost in peaceful surprise as a hallucination — a memory — played behind his eyelids. He could see his left arm, his real left arm, clad in a thick blue coat, reaching for said shield.
When his arm slipped through the leathers straps, it was an oddly familiar sensation that sent chills up his spine. He could remember it vividly, hoisting the shield's weight up to his chest. His other arm raised and a pistol was in his hand, aiming at something in the blurred distance. The chill turned frigid and he felt like his blood was starting to harden in his veins. Then it was just brightness. So much brightness.
Fear bubbled in him and he snapped, his metal arm shot up to protect his face from the light, remembering fully the heft of the phantom shield strapped to his old arm though he knew it wasn't there. His heart was rattling in his chest and it felt like all of his breath rushed out of him. He blinked against the brightness of the lights and looked up between empty metal fingers, seeing a swimming vision of Steve's face, mouthing his name and other jumbled words. His ears started ringing and he lashed out with shaking hands, swiping at the memory, trying to push away the cold.
His breathing stuttered in his lungs and he felt like his throat was constricting and his stomach swirled in knots. He wavered on his feet for a moment, a cold needling into his bones that made his entire chest seize up. Then the darker memories flashed and he felt a jolt of electricity force his jaw shut. There was dull humming in the background and his eyes blinked open and shut against the familiar, terrifying sound. In the distance he could hear a dog barking. He exhaled heavily, opening his eyes in this odd darkness around him. He could easily see the condensation of his breath, molecules of his inner heat, all that he had left, floating out into the air. He started shaking frantically when he looked up and his breath came out as jagged clouds of terror against a frigid glass porthole, only a foot or so away from his face.
He gasped in shock and reached out a slow and quaking hand, pressing metallic fingertips to the steel in front of him as the chill stung up his arm. He tried to breathe again, but he choked on the air and his head swam. He blinked back the tears, the heaving scream of his terror died on quivering lips as the cold rushed over him and he fell to his knees. Frozen. Dead again.
He was suddenly engulfed in warmth, shivering and shaking while the world around him went dark. He wanted to be afraid, but a part of him recalled this and found comfort. He could remember disappearing into some other realm of thought, of hiding from his reality when the world around him sunk into that frozen night.
Soft fingertips plucked at his chest until they wound their way up to his jaw. He sucked in a lungful of air when he felt the heat singe his skin. His inhale brought with it the smell of the earth and cool vanilla that soothed his aching, parched throat. With the warmth pressed against him, he felt solidity return. Then he could hear the voices, speaking in even, calming tones and he could hear Dolly, snuffing against the blanket and trying to get his attention.
"You're in Stark Tower, I'm holding you in my arms." A soothing voice, accompanied by heated, damp breath, spoke against his neck, "It's Wednesday today and you threw cheerios at me as an alarm clock." Sid spoke and Bucky could feel the ease wash over him, "I'm here with you, in the Tower. Dolly is here too and so are Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson. They are our friends. You are safe here and you are warm and I'll protect you. We'll protect you."
He sighed heavily at her words and his arms slowly wound around her waist and tugged her closer. He heard her breath hitch when his arms settled too tightly around her waist, so he loosened his grip and instead dug his fingertips into her to prove she was real.
"Breathe with me, okay?" She whispered softly, inhaling deeply and doing her best to make him hear it as she pressed her cheek against his temple. He nodded into her skin and inhaled with her, feeling their chests and stomachs expand and brush against each other, slinking away with the exhale as he rooted himself in her breaths.
He didn't know why he found it so effective, but her voice and the sound of her rumbling breaths in his ear, brought him back within the realm of his center. He was still shaky, but Sid held onto him tight, using the comforter she was wrapped in as a cocoon around them. After a few more moments of focused breathing, she paused and said quietly, "Do you want to be alone?"
He shook his head against her and she hummed a response to let him know that she understood.
"Would you prefer to go somewhere more private?" She asked him and he nodded, "Okay, let's go into your bedroom with Dolly. We can relax and then we will talk about it, okay?" He nodded again.
Sid untangled them from the blanket enough to stand. Bucky helped her keep the comforter wrapped around themselves and she shot Steve and Sam a small nod before they retreated to his room.
Sam watched the wounded soldier pining after Sid and Bucky's comforting retreat. He tried to hold in the heart break he felt seeing Steve looking so devastated. There was a lot in this world he had hope in, but Steve Rogers was one of the things he believed in the most. The man was damn near unshakeable and watching him go through this, on top of everything else in his life, just about tore Sam apart.
"I can see why you keep her around." Sam nodded towards Bucky's closed door, allowing Steve a moment to get a hold of himself.
Steve shook himself abruptly and Sam could see the Captain America facade fall down in a flash. He shot Steve a disinterested sort of pedantic glare that shut down that pathetic attempt at closing him out. Steve sighed at Sam's expression and then shrugged, his voice thick with his pain, "Yeah, she's done wonders for him."
Sam nodded, appreciative of Steve's recent evolution of actually talking to Sam about his problems. "It looks like it. I imagine even before right now, things weren't always so buddy-buddy?"
Sam eyed the toast for a moment and Steve pushed it over. He dug into a piece and Steve followed suit. They chewed in a thoughtful silence for a few minutes before Sam swallowed his last bite and breached the difficult subject, "You know Steve, both you and I know what he's going through."
Steve nodded solemnly, "Post Traumatic Stress."
Sam cleared his throat. "I'm betting that's not just it either." He replied in a heavy tone. "These things do take time and it can be difficult. Can you trust her? Can Bucky trust her?"
Steve let out a thready sigh, glancing at Sam with a heavy heart, "It's not really my choice is it?" He chuckled softly, "But she's good Sam. She's really just good — I mean, she's devoted the last twenty or so years of her life to the homeless people of the world. I gotta take whatever she offers. If Bucky needs her, I gotta hope she stays."
Steve sighed and leaned against the counter again, "This is probably the first morning he was actually willing to say more than zero words to me. It took a fist fight, Sid and I almost killing each other, and Hydra attacking Bucky's hide out resulting in the deaths of Sid's friends to get it even close to this."
Sam nodded thoughtfully, "But that's sure a long way to come and look pretty good doin' it."
Steve flashed Sam a glance, realizing he was being serious, Steve allowed a tight smile to form on his lips, "She's done so much for him. When I think about the first time I saw him again —," his breaking voice was a knife to Sam's heart, "on the bridge, on the helicarrier… And only months later, I come to discover the two of them strolling through the tunnels together, chatting like old friends…" Steve inhaled shakily, trying to reign in the bitterness of his tone.
He stared at the counter with a crackling pain in his chest and continued, "From day one, she's done nothing but protect him, she's done nothing but try to help, and it's working. She never stopped trying to keep us all together, talking when I was tongue tied and heart broken, pulling me out of my misery with her stupid jokes and that smile." He exhaled again and looked up at Sam with pure hope in his eyes, "In the last week I was able to pull a smile or two out of him. In those moments, I realize all this chaos might just be worth it."
"I'm sure it will be Steve." Sam nodded and chewed on his lip, "But is Sarge the only one that needs her?" He raised and pointed eyebrow and Steve scowled at him, giving him the exact answer he expected. He nodded again slowly and reached for another piece of toast, "You got a time bomb here, Cap."
Steve exhaled heavily, his bitterness now directed at Sam's damnable perceptiveness. He swiped a slow hand over his jaw in a slight hopelessness and mumbled, "You're telling me."
While Sam busied himself with grabbing some orange juice, Steve allowed himself a second to stare at Bucky's door, willing it to open for him so he could be part of the healing process too.
Sometimes it stung too much to recall just how much he was hurting as well.
A/N
Sorry that took so long for me to update. Things have been stressful but I think they might begin to settle soon. Hope all of you are doing well!