26. IT'S NIGHT. That's one thing that I know for sure. It's night and the stars are out and it feels just fucking lovely. Also, I'm sitting next to Sokka, and we're dangling our legs off the edge of a precipice, our feet kicking back and forth in the open air.

Also, we're on a roof. Did I mention that? I probably should have. I have no idea how we got up there. Does Sokka? I'll ask him.

"Hey, Sokka?"

He takes a drink from our current bottle and passes it back to me. "Hmm?"

I take a big gulp from the bottle, hand it back. "The fuck are we doing on a roof?"

He takes the bottle, leaning forward to peer down into the darkness below. "Wait…we're on a roof? How the fuck did we get here?"

I shrug, tossing away my cigarette and lighting a new one. "Didn't I just ask you that?"

He shrugs, takes a drink, hands the bottle back. That seems to be the routine that we've developed, pass a bottle back and forth until it runs dry, then toss it off the roof and rummage through the pack we brought up with us for another. Maybe that's why we got on the roof? To toss bottles off of it? Okay, I get that, I do, but…how did we even get up here?

He shrugs, lets out a rather glorious belch. "I suppose you did. I dunno…doesn't matter." He looks off the edge again. "The real question is, how're we going to get down?"

"Meh, I imagine that would be pretty easy. I mean, we got up here, didn't we?"

"Who's to say we did? What if…fuck…what's her name again?"

"Who's name?"

"Crazy chick you and your uncle brought back, the one with the foul mouth?"

"Toph?"

He snaps his fingers. "Yeah, her, Toph. Right…what was I talking about again?"

"Something to do with Toph and how we got up here…? At least, I think that's where you were going. Honestly, I don't see the connection."

"Heh…yeah, I think I kind of lost my train of thought, too…wait! I've got it!"

"Got what?"

"I was thinking that maybe what's-her-face-"

"Toph?"

"Yeah, whatever, anyways, I was thinking that maybe she got us up here, like, earthbended us onto this roof somehow."

"Hmmm…well…while that is something she would do, I don't imagine that explains how we came to have this bag of booze handy."

"Maybe we had it on us?"

"Yeah, but Toph would've stolen the bag before she put us up here."

"Really?"

"Girl can party."

"Right on…so, how did we get up here?"

"Well, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure Toph didn't have anything to do with it."

"Ugh, fine, so, what's your bright idea, jerkbender."

"Don't look at me. I'm the one who asked."

"Exactly. Therefore, you should know how we got up here."

"But then, why would I have asked?"

"The fuck should I know? I don't know how you Fire Nation twats operate."

"Hey! I'm not a twat!"

"You're dating my sister, I'm legally allowed by the most sacred laws to call you whatever I want."

"Alright, fine, I'll give you that, but not twat. I draw the line there."

"Then I'll be sure to use it more often."

"Fuck you."

Pause.

"Zuko?"

"Hmm?"

"How did you get banished?"

"Ugh…look, Sokka, I love you, man, but I'm really not drunk enough to talk about that."

"Really? Then how drunk do I have to get you?"

"I don't think either of us would survive the experience."

"I don't think we've likely to survive this experience."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, the only way I can see that we'll get down from here is if we just kind of…roll off."

"I dunno, it doesn't look too far…"

"Yeah, but with our luck, we'll break our necks or something, or, worse, you'll break your arm or whatever and I'll be perfectly fine and my sister will then proceed to kill me."

"Or, conversely-"

"Conversely? The fuck does that even mean?"

"Of, for fuck's…what do they even teach you kids down here?"

"So, what, every citizen of the Fire Nation knows what conversely means?"

"Since I just said it in your language, I would assume not."

"You know, this is totally not what we were originally talking about."

"It's not? What were we talking about?"

"I was asking how you came to be banished, and you were saying that you're not drunk enough to talk about it."

"Huh…nice recall."

"Thanks! I consider myself something of a pro at being a drunken idiot."

"Gods know you get enough practice while you're sober."

"Hey!"

"Whatever, man, I'm dating your sister, which means that, if you're going to call me names, I get to fling them right back."

"Alright, fine, but I'm the fucking Sarcasm Guy here."

"Why can't there be two Sarcasm Guys?"

"Because it just doesn't work."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't. I mean, there can't be…there can't be…there can't be…"

"Sokka?"

"Hmm?"

"Were you going somewhere with that?"

"Umm…you know, I honestly haven't the faintest fucking idea."

"Well, that makes two of us."

"Ah, bite me."

Pause.

"Sokka?"

"Hmm?"

"Your dad likes me, right?"

"Yeah, sure, why wouldn't he?"

"I can think of a few reasons…"

"Yeah, but, don't worry about that. I mean, I get it, you worry a lot, like, way too much, it drives Katara up a fucking wall-"

"Really?"

"Well…yeah…why wouldn't it?"

"No, I mean…how would you know about it?"

"We're siblings, we talk."

"About me?"

"Dude, you're about all she does talk about, most days. These past few months have been a real fucking buzz-kill, let me tell you."

"Ahh…sorry about that."

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop saying you're sorry all the gods-damn time! Yeesh."

"Ah…my bad?"

"Ugh…well, I guess that's better."

Pause.

"Zuko?"

"Hmm?"

"What're the girls like?"

"Umm…what're what girls like?"

"You know, out there, in the world, beyond this village."

"Eh…I dunno. They're…girls? You should really ask Toph, she's probably gotten around more than I ever have."

"Oh, I am calling bullshit on that right here and now."

"What? It's true. You know that girl's crazy."

"Well, yeah, obviously, I'm pretty sure I saw her sneak off with one of the other girls not too long ago…but whatever, that's not what I'm calling bullshit on."

"Then what are you calling bullshit on?"

"I'm calling bullshit on the idea that you've spent…what…almost five fucking years wandering the world, and you never once noticed the girls?"

"Look, I'm not saying I didn't notice the girls, alright? I'm a dude, after all. It's just…well…"

"Dude…"

"What?"

"Dude!"

"What?!"

"You're a fucking virgin!"

"What? No I'm not!"

"Yes, you totally are!"

"Oh, for fuck's…no, I'm not, okay? At least, not technically, okay? I mean…look, I'm going to level with you here, okay?"

"Hold on, let me get this bottle open…"

"Fuck it, give it here. There, better?"

"Better. Now give it here."

"Fuck no, it's mine. Get your own."

"Hey! We're sharing!"

"And we'll share, if you promise to keep this to yourself."

"Ugh. Fine. Now, give it here. Alright, what're you leveling with me about?"

"I've…look, I'm not a virgin, alright? When I was sixteen, my father decided it was time for me to be a man, so he took me to this high-class brothel and said I wasn't to leave until I did the deed."

"So, you did?"

"Of course I did. I was far more terrified of my father than I was of any girl. But…yeah…that's pretty much the only time I've been with a girl."

"What, seriously?"

"What's so hard to believe about that?"

"I mean…you're this good looking dude, you travel from place-to-place, I mean…if I was in your shoes? Gods, man, I'd be going crazy."

"Yeah, but you'd also have to take the traumatic banishment and the horrific scar that used to look way worse five years ago."

"Alright, point…dude, the fuck were we even talking about?"

"Umm…how to get off this roof?"

"Oh…right…how do we do that?"

"I dunno…I imagine it's just a matter of physics…"

"Huh? Physics?"

"By all the…seriously, what do they even teach you assholes down here?"

"How to skin an animal in a matter of minutes?"

I blink a few times. "Alright, point."

"That's right…ass."

"Ugh, whatever. Pass me the fucking bottle."

"Fine, here you go. So, where was I…?"

"I haven't the least fucking clue, Sokka, honest to Agni."

"Heh…that makes two of us. So, anyways…"

And so it went. When I woke up in the morning, I was snoring away under the kitchen table at Katara's. Sokka was sprawled not a foot away, snoring loud enough to wake the dead. Or, at least, he was, until Hakoda and my uncle burst in, talking loudly and banging things around and kicking us into something resembling a facsimile of life. I groaned and moaned and rubbed my temple and just in general felt like something had taken a particularly horrid shit inside my skull. My mouth was dry and every part of me ached and I had bruises I couldn't identify, and, to add insult to injury, I banged my head against the bottom of the table as I woke up, letting forth a string of curses in my native language, which only caused my uncle to burst into laughter and share a round of snide remarks with Hakoda about how these young people just can't handle their drink anymore. Hakoda, to his credit, seemed to be just as amused as my uncle was, and very carefully helped me out from under the table and to my feet. The two so-called adults started making more loud comments and causing loud bangs, right up until a very hungover Katara burst out of what I assumed was her room and silenced everyone present with a glare. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and staggered back to her room.

So, yeah, that was nice. I still have no idea what we were doing on that roof, though. Sokka and I never did come up with an adequate explanation.

So, there chapter was fun to type, and for several reasons. For one thing, it's a call forward to what I'm going to be doing tonight, that is talking in endless circles with my new fiancée while we try to figure out just what the fuck we were talking about. For another, it's a call back to the time in college when my best friend and I woke up curled up in two lawn chairs on a mutual friend's front porch without the faintest idea of how we got there, which was all the more confusing because our last coherent memory was sitting on the edge of someone's roof, again debating how we got there.

Ah, college…

But yeah, that's it for today! The girl and I have pre-gaming to do! Also, probably food at some point, so I have something to throw up later. I'm pretty stoked. I only allow myself to get genuinely shit-housed two times a year: New Year's and my birthday. So, you know, it's a big day for me.

Plus, I'm now officially closer to thirty than twenty, which is pretty wiggy.

In the next chapter, which will be posted whenever I happen to come out of my drunken stupor, hopefully tomorrow, there will be fluff. Specifically, Zutara fluff. It's been too long. Stay tuned!