A/N: So, is it even worth apologizing at this point?
Seriously, though, if you are at all excited about this update, thank LittleCatt entirely. She's my kickass beta, my bestest friend, and she convinced me not to take this story down when I was super fed up with it and determined not to continue.
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Chapter Twenty: Shatter
--
"Woke up and wished that I was dead; With an aching in my head; I lay motionless in bed; I thought of you and where you'd gone; And the world spins madly on..."
The Weepies, "World Spins Madly On"
--
The first sense that returned to her as she drifted awake was sound. She could hear the hum of the Falcon's engines, singing her a sweet lullaby, a familiar, welcome tune. Then her mind registered the feel of the cool sheets beneath her skin. They were soft and threadbare, and she knew without opening her eyes that they would be pale baby blue. She remembered once teasing him about the color and the way he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.
Smell came to her next. She was surrounded, blanketed, by the intoxicating aroma of him--a heady combination of his clean soap and engine grease and the detergent he used on his clothes. It was familiar and comforting, faintly sweet. It was the smell of home.
Her heart fluttered in that instant. She was on the Falcon, she was in Han's bed. Maybe it had all been a dream, a terrible, terrible dream. They weren't yet to Bespin. There was never a deceptively beautiful city in the clouds. They didn't see Vader and they were never betrayed by Lando Calrissian. Han's torture, the screams burned, burned, burned into her mind, were just a terrible nightmare. He was on the ship somewhere, maybe in the galley or the cockpit, because he had never been encased in a carbonite coffin and she had never been made to watch him die.
She could convince him, she realized. Her dream had been so vivid, so terrifying, so real, that he would have to listen to her. He would see the fear in her eyes and set a new course. They would find safe port somewhere else, maybe Mataou. She could convince Chewie if he wouldn't listen, or maybe set the coordinates herself after he went to sleep again. Anywhere, anything other than Bespin.
Slowly, Leia opened her eyes to the dimness of Han's bunkroom. She was curled on her side, her knees drawn to her chest, and facing the small viewport above Han's desk across the cabin. The light filtering in through the transparisteel was odd--bright and blue, swirling past and casting distorted shadows on the ceiling. It wasn't the slow starlight she had grown so familiar with over the past month. The hum of the engines was different, too. Not the gentle growl that had lulled her to sleep, but a quieter, smoother whirring.
The cold didn't slam into her then; instead, it began in the hollow of her stomach and traveled through her veins to her heart, then spread over her through the intricate network of arteries that slithered and danced through her body. It wasn't until her fingers, knuckles still white, still clenched in tight fists, went numb with the cold that she realized she couldn't breathe. She felt like there was a Hutt sitting on her chest, like she was suffocating, and yet she could bring herself to make no attempt to draw in air.
Her head hurt, too. A hot line of pain cut her mind in half on a diagonal. She could feel it throbbing, pulsating. It was as if someone had taken a vibroblade to her skull, as if someone had slammed her head against the hard floor until it cracked open and stained everything with her blood.
It wasn't a dream. It was all too real. They did go to Bepsin. They were betrayed by Calrissian and the scars of Han's pain would never, ever go away. His screams were branded in her mind, like the glittering stardust that was once Alderaan. She was made to watch as he was lowered to what could have been his death. She could still feel the heat of his lips on hers from that last, desperate kiss; she could still see the ghost of a smile in his eyes as he tried to lie to her on that platform, as he tried to convince her that everything would be fine.
But it wasn't fine. It had happened. It had all happened and now Han was gone. He wasn't lying there next to her, waiting for her to wake up. He wasn't in the galley or watching the stars from the cockpit or tinkering with the alluvial dampers. He was on his way to a fate worse than death, and she couldn't be sure if she would ever see him again.
The inhale Leia took then was sharp and ended in a strangled gasp of pain as the expansion of her lungs pressed aggravated the lower ribs she was almost positive had been cracked by the butt of a blaster as they were led to the bottom levels of Cloud City. She tried to take a shallower breath, but it caught in her throat with a shuddering sob and she need not touch her face to know that the tears had begun to stream from her exhausted eyes.
They were in hyperspace on the way to the Rebel base at Sullust. It was a twenty-hour trip, one for which she knew neither Chewie or Lando would sleep. Lando had sedated Luke not long after they escaped the Star Destroyers, citing that his injuries were severe and he would heal faster if he slept. Luke hadn't argued, and Leia noticed something that looked like relief in his eyes at the thought of a dreamless sleep. Her friend was in pain, that much she knew, and his pain ran deeper, much deeper, than the loss of his hand. The confrontation with Vader had left him emotionally damaged and he looked as though he had aged ten years in the short hours at Bespin. He did not seek Leia's comfort, comfort she had no ability to give, as he had after Obi-Wan Kenobi's death. Instead, he retreated quickly to the medbunk without a word, avoiding her tired gaze as though he were afraid of what she would find there.
She must have fallen asleep in Chewie's chair not long after. Her terribly accurate premonitions about Bespin had kept her awake for two nights before their capture, and the subsequent terrors they had faced had left her drained, used up. She had thought that perhaps she was too sad, in too much pain without Han to ever sleep again, but she had woken up in his bunk, carefully tucked under the covers in a way that only Chewie could have done.
Another sob tore through her, and it vaguely registered in her mind that she had no idea how close they were to Sullust, and she should really pull herself together before anyone could see her pain. Not that it mattered much. Lando and Chewie had been in the carbon chamber, probably heard her heart break even over the terrible sound of Han's frozen form slamming against that cold floor. And Luke would know, as he always did, without her ever saying a word.
She had lived for three years with the fear that Han would leave her, but never like this. If he had left the Alliance, if he had left her, if he had chosen to go, she might have been able to handle it. She would have been crushed, of course, but she would file it somewhere in the far recesses of her mind and refuse to acknowledge the salt in the gaping wounds of her heart. At least if he had left her, she could have been angry, she could have raged, and she could have the hope that one day she would see him again so she could kill him herself. But to have him ripped away from her, to see him tortured, to know that he was barely alive and the minutes of his life would probably expire before they could even devise a plan to rescue him was unbearable. Impossible.
She had broken after Alderaan. Her soul had been hacked asunder. She hadn't thought there was anything left to break, but she had been wrong.
Leia was shattered.
There was a small click and the door hissed open quietly, but she made no move to hide her tears. She didn't have the energy. She heard the soft footfalls as someone stepped into the room and heard the door slide shut again. Not bothering to look up, she simply waited as her visitor crossed the cabin and sat down next to her on the bed.
Chewie growled softly and placed a hand on her arm. The month at sublight had not left her fluent in Shriiwook, but she had picked up enough to understand him.
"Oh, Chewie," she whispered, finally lifting her eyes to meet his. He growled again, a mournful lament for Han.
"I know, Princess," he growled. "I miss him, too."
Unable to speak, Leia merely nodded and gingerly pushed herself into a sitting position against the pillows. She swiped at her eyes quickly, and Chewie smiled, indicating she had erased the evidence of her tears.
"How much longer?" she asked, her voice still trembling.
"I was just coming to get you. We drop in half an hour and I don't have the security codes for the base."
"I've been out for that long?"
"You needed your rest."
"But, Chewie, you need rest too! You could have come and gotten me-"
The Wookiee held up a paw, silencing her.
"I'm fine. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway."
Leia sighed. She knew how that felt.
"Take a minute," Chewie suggested, "and then come join us in the cockpit. "Lando and I have worked out a plan to rescue Han."
"You mean Lando's actually helping?" she asked incredulously. "He's not just here because he doesn't have anywhere else left to go?"
He nodded.
"He feels terrible about betraying his friend and is willing to do whatever is necessary to right that wrong. But," the tone in his growls became menacing, and Leia hoped that she would never be on the receiving end of one of the massive Wookiee's terrifying threats, "Lando knows that if anything goes wrong, I will destroy him."
"Not if I get there first," she said quietly.
"You won't," he rejoined, and she couldn't help but smile.
"How's Luke?" Leia asked suddenly, embarrassed that she had nearly forgotten her dear friend.
"He's still sedated. It's the best thing. He can sleep through the worst of the pain."
The memory of seeing Luke desperate, clinging to life beneath Cloud City, filled her mind and Leia shook her head to clear the image away. She felt worse that she had after Alderaan was destroyed. The losses had been crushing then, but she had never truly believed that she had much longer to bear the pain. Then Han came into her world and had slowly saved her, slowly allowed her to abandon the hope that she would die during the next evacuation. He had given her strength to continue
"How did things ever go this wrong?" she whispered.
The hulking Wookiee put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. It was a question he didn't know how to answer.
"Do you need a minute, Princess?"
She shook her head and took a final swipe at her eyes.
"No. I'm fine now. Besides, I've got a few things I'd like to say to Lando while we're out of earshot of anyone who could ruin my future political career."
--
By the time the long-absent Millennium Falcon docked with the Redemption, every single Rebel over Sullust had learned of the ship's survival, and the recycled air on the cruisers was practically electric with the excitement. The loss of the battle at Hoth was still fresh in the memory, and the return of the Alliance's favorite heros signaled for many a turning point in the war. All activity aboard the largest medical frigate suddenly came to a standstill as every buzzing soldier aboard the ship crowded the hangar bay, vying for a glimpse of Skywalker, Solo, Organa, and Chewbacca.
The Falcon's passengers, however, were in no mood for a welcoming celebration, and the medical staff swiftly escorted the missing heros through the fray before they had even a chance to notice the applause and cheerful waves. Luke, his weight mostly supported by Chewie at his left, led the tattered group, followed by Leia, Threepio and Artoo, and then Lando. Tuck Ello, the Alliance's cheif medic, shuffled them behind the frosted doors that separated the private waiting area and triage facilities from the bay just as Bail's shuttle from the Home One landed beside the Falcon. As she passed the medic and old friend, Leia gave Tuck a meaningful glance, one that very clearly read, "Don't let my father in yet."
There were very few Rebels with the gall to refuse Bail Organa, but Tuck was one who was willing. He nodded once at the princess and palmed the triage doors shut behind the battered heroes just as Bail breathlessly approached the threshold. The towheaded medic, though tall, was shadowed by the formidable ruler and the flanking General Rieekan. Tuck could easily have been intimidated, but instead he merely smiled warmly as though he didn't notice the look of almost frantic concern on Organa's handsome face.
"Viceroy," Ello greeted, nodding to Bail and then to Rieekan. "General."
"Ello," Bail demanded, his voice betraying more emotion than he intended. "Let me through. I need to see my daughter."
The medic placed a hand on the Alderaani's shoulder and squeezed gently.
"Her Highness seems to be fine, sir. She walked off the ship on her own and I haven't noticed any severe injuries. Now, I understand that you want to see her, and I understand that High Command is concerned about the events that have occurred since Hoth, but my duty is first to my patients." Tuck's voice was warm but firm and it brokered no room for argument, even from two of the Alliance's highest-ranking officials. "I can let you into the private waiting room, but I need you to give me some time with them. Let me check them out and get them the care they need. I'll let you know the moment you can come in."
Bail opened his mouth to protest, but Rieekan cut him off before he could say anything.
"Leia's in good hands, Bail. Let him do his job."
The viceroy gave his oldest friend a pained look before nodding towards the medic. Tuck smiled again.
"It won't be long, sir," Ello assured him.
"Will you at least tell Leia that I'm here?" Bail asked wearily.
"Yes, sir."
"Wait," Bail added quickly, stopping Tuck as he made a motion to leave. "Also tell her that I love her. And tell her that no matter what, everything is going to be okay."
"Of course, sir," the medic replied cautiously, giving the viceroy a strange look. Then he turned quickly on one heel and disappeared behind the triage doors.
"Bail," Rieekan said gently, leading his troubled friend into the private waiting area, far away from the prying eyes in the hangar bay. "She's all right. Windu already told you that she's physically unharmed."
The viceroy sank slowly into a nearby couch, trying hard to ignore the suddenly crushing sterility of the white room, and scrubbed his face with his hands.
"We both know that it's not the physical harm that I'm worried about, Carlist."
Rieekan conceded the point with a nod, and sat down in the chair opposite Bail.
"Leia can handle it. She'll make the right choice."
"She..." Bail trailed off, catching Rieekan's gaze, then shook his head and gave a frustrated sigh. "She's going to make what she thinks is the right choice for the Rebellion, for Alderaan. For me."
The general raised an eyebrow.
"You think she's going to terminate the pregnancy when she finds out?"
"You don't?" Bail challenged.
"If she's going to make the right decision for the Alliance? According to Mace--"
"What Mace says doesn't matter. Leia's in there by herself right now. You know her, Carlist. She still feels guilty about Alderaan and would never do anything to dishonor her title."
The shadow that passed over Rieekan's face told Bail that he got it, but to the general's credit, he displayed none of the shock he felt over the sudden realization.
"You think Leia's going to abort and never tell you." It wasn't a question, and Bail's eyes dropped to the floor, only confirming what Rieekan already knew. There was a moment of contemplative silence between the two men, then the general shook his head and gave his friend a pointed look. "Kreth, Bail, I think she deserves a little more of your faith than that."
The viceroy's eyebrows arched, startled by Rieekan's unexpected candor.
"I have plenty of faith in my daughter."
"No you don't," Rieekan countered. "You don't know her. Not anymore. The Leia that requested to retrieve Kenobi from Tatooine and take the Death Star plans to Alderaan absolutely would have hidden this, because she never would have let her happiness get in the way of what the galaxy expected of her. Even a year ago, she would have terminated. But Solo saw through that act of hers about two minutes after he met her, and he's spent the last three years devoted to just about nothing but making Leia happy."
"So you're saying," Bail began levelly, "that the baby is going to make Leia happy? That she'll keep it because Han told her she deserves to be happy?"
"Yes." Rieekan's blue eyes glinted with a spark of mischief, as though he was in on a joke that Bail didn't get.
"You seem...awfully sure of your theory, Carlist."
The other man shrugged.
"I know Han. I know the influence that he has on her. Even when things between the two of them were at their worst...Bail, Leia has always listened to him. And you know how she doesn't listen to anyone."
Bail shook his head, giving his old friend a defeated look.
"Well then, Carlist," he sighed heavily, "where in the nine hells is he?"
--
Leia sat restlessly on the medbunk, freshly showered and dressed in white robes that felt strange compared to the snowsuit and Han's shirts that had clothed her for the past weeks. She braided her hair back into a simple bun, absently watching the swirling system outside the viewport while she waited for her turn with Tuck. She had refused to be checked immediately, citing that she'd had worse many times before and that Luke's injuries were far more urgent, but the Corellian medic still insisted that she consent to a quick scan after she showered. Chewie and Lando had both been looked over by Two-Onebee and had gone to discuss Han's rescue with Rieekan at Leia's request. It was something that she knew would frustrate her father, but for some reason she wasn't quite ready to see Bail just yet. Maybe it was because the love and concern she knew she'd see in his eyes would remind her of Han, and she couldn't yet trust herself not to cry in front of her father.
The door to the small room slid open and in breezed Pax Antilles, the raven-haired Ryquin woman that had married Wedge Antilles the same day Bail landed on Hoth. Not long after her arrival with the Alliance as a refugee, Leia had found her a position as a medic's aide on the Redemption. Pax reveled in her assignment, learning quickly and moving up to her current position as Tuck's assistant. She smiled warmly at Leia as she entered, eternally grateful for the princess' compassion years ago after the floods on Ryquin that had killed her infant son, and Leia answered with a genuine smile of her own.
"Your Highness," Pax said, extending to her a bottle filled with a clear liquid. "I brought you some nutriwater. You're bound to be a little dehydrated after everything you've just been through."
"Thank you, Pax," Leia said, appreciative of the cool, slightly sweet drink. "How are you and Wedge?"
"We're as happy as you could ask with a war going on. Wedge took over as Rogue Commander after Commander Skywalker was assumed dead, but we've had a bit of a lull so I haven't had a chance to be too worried about him yet. I'm sure he's glad that Luke is back. He'll probably never be happier to be demoted."
Leia sighed and set the empty bottle down on the table next to her, then lay back on the bunk with her fingers splayed across her abdomen. It wasn't a regal position to assume, but she was still so weary and Pax had seen her much, much worse.
"I don't know what kind of shape Luke is in, but it might be a while before he has any interest in commanding anyone again. How is he, by the way?"
"He's got three broken ribs, a cracked hip, is being fitted for a prosthetic hand as we speak, and is in desperate need of a shower," a rich tenor voice answered, and both women turned to see Tuck entering the exam room. "So in other words, he's fine. I doped him up and applied the bone knitters, Too-Onebee is working on the hand, and he should be taking a shower right about now. By the time we're done here, he'll be good as new."
"I hope so," Leia agreed, though she was certain that neither she nor Luke would fully recover from Bespin anytime in the near future.
"All we have to do now, Your Highness, is make sure you're fine," Tuck said with a grin as he began to run the handheld medscanner over Leia's prone form, "and then you can all get back to your hero work."
Pax chuckled and Leia fought the urge to roll her eyes.
"Gods, you are Corellian, aren't you, Tuck?"
The medic shrugged without looking up from the scanner's screen.
"S'pose so, but as a true Corellian I should probably be bragging more about my own hero work."
"It wouldn't be bragging," Leia said over the quiet beep signaling the completion of the medscan. "You do important work here. And so do you, Pax."
The other woman smiled kindly, clearly humbled by praise from someone she deemed so powerful, but Tuck was still studying the scanner readout with something like concern on his face and didn't seem to have even heard Leia speak. After a moment of silence, both women noticed the medic's almost alarming withdrawal and looked at him expectantly.
"Tuck?" Leia asked quietly. "What is it?"
His blue eyes met hers and he steeled his face in a look of polite concern.
"Princess, have you been feeling sick recently? Nausea, headaches, lack of energy?"
She frowned.
"No. Well, maybe a little." She had felt physically ill during the hours of Han's torture and after their escape from Bespin, but had thought little of it. "When we were...I just assumed that it was because of everything that was going on. Why are you asking--"
Leia broke her question in mid-sentence as she made the connection in her mind. But it was impossible. The morning after they first made love, she had awoken in Han's arms to his startled questions about birth control. He'd seemed so frustrated that he had forgotten all about it in the heat of the moment, but she quickly calmed his worries, citing that the drugs she was injected with on the Death Star had likely damaged her ability to conceive. The sad news of her infertility three years ago had not really affected her then. She never pictured herself having children, and the loss of Alderaan had weighed so heavy that it was of minor consequence. Even now, with the Alderaan's pain dulled in the recesses of her heart, thoughts of unattainable motherhood did not inspire longing.
But Tuck's questions...that was why he looked so confused. It had been he, after all, who told her three years ago that she would probably never be able to become pregnant. They'd both assumed it impossible, but what he was asking could only mean one thing.
"Am I...Oh, gods, Tuck, am I pregnant?" The word sounded foreign in her mouth.
He nodded and handed her the results of the scan, which she took with suddenly trembling fingers. She read them three times before the words finally registered. A fourth read reminded her that the scanner wasn't faulty. It was brand new, purchased with some of her father's funds from a supplier on Kamino, which ensured that it was state of the art and could pick up on even the slightest infections before the blood began producing antibodies.
Pregnant, nine days of gestation, one male fetus.
"I can't," she said suddenly, shoving the scanner back into Tuck's hands. "I can't be. You said that the nerve drugs..."
"I know." Tuck seemed to be just as confused as Leia as he looked from her back to the results, almost expecting them to change. But they didn't change, and he had no answers for the befuddled young princess.
Pax, however, did have an answer. The Ryquin woman was just three years older than Leia when she gave birth to her son, only to then have everything in her world washed away by a series of devastating storms. She had been at her lowest when Leia came across her, sobbing over her baby's body, but Leia's entrance in her life had been her saving grace. Pax joined the Alliance, found her calling in healing, and true love and a fresh start with Wedge Antilles. Once a woman of science, of concrete beliefs, her own life was proof enough that something more powerful than she was at work.
"Your Highness," Pax said soothingly, "Have you ever witnessed a miracle?"
Leia looked to the other woman and wondered if her face betrayed her surprise at Pax's words. Hadn't she in fact had this argument with Han when things got so bad between them on the way to Ord Mantell? She was angry with his disbelief in the impossible, and yet here she was, immediately dismissing the impossibility of her pregnancy due to anything other than scientific error. Why couldn't it be some miracle that she and Han had created a life where there could be none? Certainly stranger things had happened in the past.
"I don't..." Leia began, but then she trailed off as the true implications of her pregnancy suddenly hit her. She was a soldier, in the middle of a war, and hardly in any position to bring a pregnancy to term when the Alliance could be scattered across the galaxy the very next day. She was the last princess of Alderaan, and although unwed mothers weren't judged on her homeworld, certainly this would reflect poorly on what was left of the royal family. What would her father say? Would he be angry with her? Disappointed?
And Han! Han was gods knows where, and she couldn't be sure she would ever see him again. What if they never found Boba Fett? What if Jabba killed him before they were able to get to him? Worse, what if they found him and he wanted nothing to do with a baby? He never claimed to be anything other than a temporary fixture in her life before their extended trip to Bespin. What if he didn't mean the things he said to her while they were both so far removed from reality that glorious month?
"Your Highness?" Tuck's question interrupted her frantic train of fatalist thoughts, and she realized that she had been staring at nothing for nearly a minute. She shook her head, wondering if she was going to regret the words she was about to say.
"I have to terminate."
Neither medic could hide their utter shock at her statement. Pax's hand on her shoulder tensed almost imperceptibly.
"Leia, you're not thinking clearly," Pax said quickly.
Tuck nodded.
"I agree. This is startling information and you've been through so much in the past few days, so it can be a lot to get your mind around. I don't want you making any decision that you're going to regret. Maybe you should talk to your father about this--"
"He can't know." Leia interrupted, glaring pointedly at her medic. "How soon can you do it?"
"Three days," Pax answered, giving Leia the rather distinct impression that the other woman was lying. Her suspicions were confirmed by a glare from Tuck.
"Pax, that isn't helping," he chastised before turning back to the princess. "Your Highness, we could do the procedure now if it's what you truly want, but it's my medical opinion that you wait at least a day to make your final decision. Your father and I spoke after you came in. I know it's not my place, but I really think he'll be a little more open minded than you're giving him credit."
"Tuck!" Leia protested, but the medic held up a hand, silencing her.
"Leia. Talk to him. Talk to General Rieekan. Or Luke." He paused for a moment, studying her defiant features, then suddenly sat down on the bunk next to her and placed a hand on her forearm. His voice was quiet when he asked his next question and his eyes were gentle and did not leave hers. "Oh, gods, Leia. Was Han the father?"
The question hit her harder than she expected and she clamped her free hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut against the rush of tears that flooded her eyes at the mere mention of Han's name out loud. Her reaction was all the confirmation that Tuck needed. He patted her arm slowly, calling no attention to her shaky attempt not to cry.
"Is the father," she managed finally, swallowing the lump in her throat. "He's not dead. He's just...missing."
"Don't you think he wants a say in this?"
Confused and frustrated, Leia dropped her head and began fidgeting with the sleeve of her dress. She knew that Tuck was absolutely right: she was making a brash decision in the aftermath of so much fear and stress, and if Leia Organa was anything, she was calculating. She didn't make decisions without considering all of the consequences, and what's more, she owed it to Han to have a voice.
"You could talk to Chewie," Tuck suggested, "if you're determined to make a decision soon."
"Okay," she agreed.
Pax smiled thinly and Tuck stood up.
"We'll give you some time. Luke could probably use a visitor when you're ready, and I know that your father is pretty anxious to see you."
"Thanks, Tuck. Pax." Leia nodded to them both, appreciative of their refusal to cave to her status and force her to make the wise decision. They turned to leave, but she stopped them as Tuck palmed open the door. "Can you tell my father that he can come in?"
"Sure," Tuck said before the door closed behind him, leaving Leia alone in the silent room with only her thoughts and the surreal presence that she could not yet feel growing inside her. Tentatively, she splayed her fingers over her abdomen, marveling at the startling reality of life pulsating beneath her hands. Life. A part of Han, the man she loved.
The man she might never see again.
The door to the exam room slid open again and Leia jumped, pulling her hands away from her stomach and pushing herself to sit up straight against the pillows. Bail walked in and crossed quickly to her, and as he pulled her into a tight hug she realized she had never before seen him look so relieved. She wrapped her arms around her father's broad shoulders and for a moment suddenly felt as though she was six years old all over again and they together were reeling from Breha Organa's death once more.
"Lelila," Bail said as he let her go. "I was so worried about you."
She smiled sadly and looked into her father's dark eyes, only to divert her gaze quickly at the emotion seeing him again stirred within her. She was determined not to fall apart in front of him. The decision she had to make was a difficult one and it wouldn't be easy to share, but she had been raised to act wise beyond her years, to be a stoic leader, and she refused to fail that upbringing now.
"I'm okay, Father," she insisted quietly, again playing with the cuff of her sleeve. "Really. I missed you."
"What happened?" The question had a strange edge to it, as though Bail knew much more than he was letting on.
"I was late in evacuating Echo Base and Han came to get me to my transport. The corridor to the main bay caved in when the generator was hit, so he had to get me out on the Falcon. And of course, nothing ever works when it's supposed to on that ship, so the hyperdrive failed and Han couldn't fix it, so we had to travel at sublight to the nearest safe system."
"Is that where you met Baron Calrissian?"
Leia grimaced and nodded.
"He's the administrator of a tibanna gas mining colony on Bespin and an old friend of Han's. We thought it would be a good idea."
Bail gave a heavy sigh. He knew exactly what happened on Bespin because of Mace's insight, but the Jedi Master was adamant that Leia not yet learn of her connection to the Force. No doubt Leia was loathe to retell everything that had happened to her in the past few days, but he was acting the part of an in-the-dark concerned father and therefore had to make her relive it all over again.
"It wasn't a good idea?"
Leia shook her head, now twisting the cuff of her sleeve around her right index finger.
"We were followed. Or trapped. I don't know. Vader was there. He was after Luke and knew he could use us as bait."
"Where was Luke?"
Finally, she met her father's eyes as she remembered his stories of the Clone Wars and his old friendship with the ancient Jedi.
"Did you know that Master Yoda is still alive, Father?"
Bail nodded.
"He's in hiding. It's very important that he not be discovered."
Leia mulled over this new information for a moment, then shrugged slightly and continued.
"Well, Luke was training with him. He says that General Kenobi appeared to him after he was attacked by that creature on Hoth. Kenobi told him to go to Dagobah. Luke said he wasn't sure if it was a hallucination, because he'd been outside base for hours and was in pretty bad shape when Han found him, but he went anyway. And I guess the vision was real, because Master Yoda was there."
"And Vader was able to lure him from Dagobah to Bespin?"
Again, the Leia's sleeve was suddenly very fascinating to her. She nodded but said nothing. Even if he knew nothing, her silence would have been easy for Bail to interpret. He placed a large, steady hand over her petite ones, so unlike his, in an attempt to still her protective fidgeting. It was a nervous habit that she was able to control in front of the most formidable senators, but had never learned to cease in front of him. He squeezed her fingers gently, then quietly asked the one question to which he didn't already know the answer.
"Lelila. Where's Han?"
She froze, still and solid and cold as a statue, refusing to look at her father. He knew from the way her head was ducked that she was trying desperately not to cry, and it broke his heart. He was well aware of her condition and the disquiet the news undoubtedly caused her, but the smuggler's glaring absence in all of this seemed to him an unfair development in a future that was never her own.
"Leia?"
She said nothing.
"Sweetheart?"
Still, she said nothing. After another moment, Bail reached his free hand forward and cupped her chin, lifting gently until she finally met his eyes. The short contact was all it took to push her over the edge. Her tears came them, sudden and furious, and she dissolved into shuddering sobs. Bail drew her into him once more and rubbed her back like he did when she was a little girl, listening quietly as she told him the whole painful story.
"He's gone! Han's gone! Vader tortured him. He--he strapped him to a scan grid and shocked him until his heart stopped and I had to watch and I couldn't--I couldn't...I couldn't do anything to help him, I couldn't save him. I wanted to take his place and Vader wouldn't let me. He wanted to capture Luke and take him to Palpatine, he wanted Luke incapacitated, so he tested carbon freeze on Han."
Bail's blood ran cold at the thought. Carbon freezing was incredibly dangerous for humans, and from what little he knew, a truly horrible prison even upon survival.
"Oh, Leia."
"Han survived," she continued brokenly, "but Vader gave him to a bounty hunter to take to Jabba. I couldn't get to him in time! And we don't know where he is, or if he's still alive, I don't know if Jabba's going to kill him, if we can find him before..." she trailed off, unable to finish that thought, and brought her hands up to cover her face, hiding the evidence of her tears from her father.
"Is that why Chewie asked Rieekan for emergency supplies? Is he going to look for Han?"
"Yes. He's going to Tatooine with Lando."
"Are you going with them?"
She nodded.
"Luke and I are going to go. Chewie knows Jabba and wants to check things out first, but we'll go when the time is right. Luke needs to go back anyway. He thinks that there might be some old Jedi manuscripts at General Kenobi's homestead."
Bail was quiet for a long moment, then put a hand on her shin.
"Leia?"
"Father?"
"Are you in love with Han?"
She let her hands slowly drop from her face as she regarded her father with a mixture of confusion and surprise. When he raised an eyebrow, she knew that there was no hiding the truth from him and nodded twice.
"Is there something else I need to know?"
The confusion in her red-tinged eyes grew more pronounced, but again she nodded.
"Did Tuck tell you?"
"No. But I know my baby girl. Leia, you know that I love you. You can tell me anything."
"I know."
"Come on, Princess. Spill."
Leia studied him for another long moment, but finally sighed and dropped her eyes again.
"Oh, Baba," she said in a voice that was almost inaudible, using the endearing name she hadn't called him since she was ten years old. "I'm pregnant. Han's the father."
Bail looked at his daughter sadly. Leia should have been elated, or at least pleasantly surprised by this joyous news. But instead, she was sad, confused, devastated, and so many other emotions that should never accompany the impending birth of a child, and he knew her despair was directly related to Han's absence. It was so unfair, and it hurt him to see her in so much pain.
"Lelila, this is wonderful news," Bail said with a smile when Leia finally glanced up at him again, as though terrified of what she would find in his face. "Especially after Tuck was so certain that the interrogation drugs you had been given damaged your fertility. A baby--this baby--is a blessing from the goddess. I'm very happy for you."
Years of diplomatic training had no hope of allowing her to hide the blatant surprise, and all the speeches she had made on the Senate floor could not help her find the presence to form the right sentences. Her words were confused and strung together and began to tremble as the tears threatened to return again.
"What? I mean, it is--he is, but...I--I thought that you would be angry, and Alderaan, and the war, and...and Han. I didn't think you even liked him--Oh! Father, he's not here and I don't know, I can't know if he even wants--if he would want..."
Bail sighed and glanced out the viewport behind Leia's bunk. He liked Solo, he truly did. But when the jaded spacer finally returned to the Alliance, Bail was going to have a few things to say to him about protecting Leia's heart. Getting in too deep with intergalactic crime lords was going to be out of the question.
"Leia, of course I'm not angry. You're an adult, Sweetheart. You've grown up stronger and wiser than I ever could have hoped. Han is a good man. He's caring and responsible, and it's so obvious to me that he loves you. Carlist told me once that Han would go to the ends of the galaxy for you, that the bounty on his head got so large because he chose to stay here and protect you rather than pay it off."
A ghost of a smile played at the corners of her mouth as she remembered her lover's quiet chivalry.
"He gave back the reward money he got for saving me."
Bail chuckled.
"He started doing it for free after that, then. I know more than you've told me, Lelila. I know he got you off Yavin, that he saved your life when you got sick on Ryquin. You probably would have been killed on Hoth if it weren't for him."
"Yes."
"Han loves you, Lelila," He said again, firmly, a statement of proven fact.
Leia searched her father's face, surprised to find his approval of the scoundrel that had stolen her heart. She opened her mouth to confirm, but realized he already knew and simply nodded.
"And you love him."
Another nod.
"Then," Bail smiled, squeezing her hand gently, "don't you think he's going to be thrilled when he comes back to the news that he's going to be a father?"
A shadow crossed Leia's face, a mixture of confusion, elation, and so-familiar defiance, but Bail gave her a pointed look and the protest died on her lips before she could begin to speak.
"He will be, Leia. Trust me." He reached forward and touched his fingers to her temple, remembering the elation he felt the day he accepted his infant daughter in his arms. It had been one of the galaxy's darkest, steeped in despair, desolation, and the joy of bringing Leia home, of becoming a father, was bittersweet, tempered by her separation from Luke, by Padmé's death and Anakin's fall, but it was the most incredible joy Bail Organa had known. "It's going to be the greatest news of his life."