"I just don't understand the appeal," Mason sighed.

We sat down on opposite sides of the kitchen table, watching each other with loving, weary eyes. It had to be 11:00 PM by now. We had just finished watching Breaking Dawn: Part One for what had to have been the millionth time. For me, it never got old; for him, it was old after the first time.

"You'll have to explain it to me," He leaned back in his chair.

"It's not so much the fact that they're werewolves and vampires, I guess," I shrugged, keeping my eyes on him. "Although I'm sure that's a contributing factor. It is probably the romantic fantasy dynamic of it all – the fact that their situation is so surreal, but their love is completely real."

"Hmm," His lips curved up into a smile. "Maybe if they wrote that on the label, they would have a wider audience."

I laughed.

He glanced out at the black glass of the window, watching as the small raindrops pathetically tapped against the window. These were only leftovers from the incredible downpour that had hit Forks today. Our only damage was a short power outage that lasted about five minutes – luckily, we hadn't gotten the worst of it.

A giant tree had fallen up our street, blocking us from directly reaching the rest of the town. Last we heard, they were already sawing it up and getting it out of the way by nightfall. Nonetheless, we decided to play hermits today and hide out in the house, watching movies all day long. Too bad it wasn't a weekday – otherwise, we could've had a liable excuse to miss work.

"So, I was going through our photos from the honeymoon on the computer yesterday," Mason stood, walking over to the refrigerator. "Some of them are real keepers. We should get a few framed."

Oh, the honeymoon. Despite Mason's willingness to let me choose where we could go, he had already planned the whole thing – which I should've expected. He refused to tell me where it was specifically, so I had no idea where it was near or what coast it was off. All I remember is falling asleep in the plane from California and waking up in a soft bed on some faraway tropical island.

Even though I had grown virtually allergic to sunlight, the trip made me realize that I needed some sun whether I knew it or not. Everything was perfect there and I couldn't have asked for anything better. Surprising the both of us, I didn't even freak out when he told me how much the whole thing cost. It was expensive – which I also should've expected.

In spite of all this, though, I was thrilled to come home.

"Well, I will have to authorize each photo before you blow it up and hang it on the wall where everyone can see it," I shook my head, crossing my arms across my chest. "I'm not photogenic, so I can just imagine the catastrophic consequences of putting me in front of a camera."

He pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. "Well, I beg to differ. I think you took some beautiful pictures."

"Yeah, maybe the ones I took, not the ones I was in," I joked, standing.

"You know that's not what I meant," He grinned, handing me the water.

I untwisted the lid off the water after hoisting myself up to sit on the counter.

"If anything," He leaned against the fridge beside me. "I was the one that was not photogenic. I was tempted to delete every picture with me in it. I especially didn't appreciate that one picture you took of me when I was half asleep."

I tried to suppress a laugh. "I thought it was adorable."

"How about this," He offered. "We don't frame any of them and just keep them on the computer in a locked file where only we can get to them."

"Sounds good to me," I slid off the countertop. "But maybe just one picture. One that doesn't embarrass either of us."

I walked away from him and over to my iPod dock, pressing the skip button. Electric guitar began to waft out of the speakers and I turned down the volume so that it was just soft background noise. I turned to look back at Mason, only to realize that he was right behind me.

"Why do you want to frame one picture?" He wondered curiously.

"I'm a newlywed wife," I reminded him, yawning. "If it were up to me, I would want to flaunt our relationship all over the place. I'm just … excited, I guess."

"You don't sound excited," He teased.

"That's just because I'm tired," I sighed.

"So, if you're excited," He pushed my hair behind my ear. "Does that mean all your apprehension is gone?"

"It disappeared when I was walking down that aisle," I told him.

"Really?" He seemed happy to hear that.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I figured that if you were okay with everything, then I was. Besides, seeing everybody there – my friends and all – it made me feel better. Knowing that everyone knew about us and everyone was okay with it."

His smile weakened slightly.

"What?" I wondered.

"Well, not everyone was okay with it," He exhaled.

I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

Over the honeymoon, Mason had sworn when we got onto the plane that we wouldn't utter the name Nathaniel while we were away. So we didn't, but that didn't mean I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even though I had been annoyed with Nathaniel before, I couldn't help but blame myself in the end. I was guilty, even though I had nothing to be guilty for.

And Mason knew that. I could tell he knew.

"Nathaniel wasn't there," I evaded Mason's eyes, staring out at the raindrops. "So he doesn't count as an 'everyone.'"

He backed out of my grasp, "I'm glad to hear that."

I watched him with wide, incredulous eyes as he sat back down at the table. I was about to say, 'What is that supposed to mean?', but I didn't want to make this one of those nights. I didn't want to ruin this perfectly content moment with a worthless argument. I decided to let the topic be.

But Mason continued on the subject, "Speaking of which, have you heard from him at all since … you know, the thing?"

The thing. That's what we'd been reduced to calling it. Probably because we both couldn't face what it really was. There were other possible nicknames, sure – the ordeal with Nathaniel, the incident with the wolves, that night in the woods – but no matter what we decided to call that night, it still hurt all the same.

"No," I answered in a small voice. "I haven't heard from him."

Mason shrugged, looking at me solicitously. "Maybe you should call him."

My eyes widened even more, pleasantly astonished. "Are you actually suggesting that I come in contact with him? I am amazed."

"I told you," His eyes retreated to the rain again. "I'm okay with it."

"Alright," I nodded, pushing off the counter. "Then I will call him."

He glimpsed at me briefly, and I could see the fleeting pain in his eyes. He could say he was okay with it all he wanted, but it was obvious that he was exactly the opposite. Honestly, I blamed myself for this – I shouldn't have been stupid enough to believe him. But whether it hurt him or not, I still needed to talk to Nathaniel – there was no getting around it.

With one last look at Mason, I picked the phone up out of the dock and left the kitchen. After dialing the number, I waited idly in the foyer, staring out the front door at the street. The dial tone began to sound in my ear and I made my way to the living room. I considered sitting down on the couch, but I was too antsy.

I went to the window instead; the sight of rain calmed me down.

"Hey," Nathaniel's voice said finally, abnormally joyful.

"Nathaniel," I smiled at the sound of his voice. "I need to talk to you …"

He interrupted me, "You've reached Nate. Sorry, I'm obviously doing something other than answering my phone, but if you leave a message, I'll call ya later when I feel like it."

Beep.

I exhaled, my smile vanishing. "Um, hey, Nathaniel. It's Scarlett. I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, but I, uh, I miss hearing your voice. So, call me, please …"

I stopped. I sounded too fraught.

"By the way," I continued, stronger now. "I am still pissed at you for skipping out on my wedding. You're lucky I don't come down to the Rez and murder you in your sleep. Call me back."

And I hung up.

I could feel a torrent of tears churning just behind my eyes, but they didn't come for a couple minutes. And, to torture me even more, they came slowly – they didn't even let me choke on them or turn them into sobs. I shook my head, trying to send the tears away, but when they wouldn't go, I stared out the window. I couldn't go back into the kitchen – I didn't want Mason see me cry for Nathaniel.

I wouldn't let him see me cry for Nathaniel.

So I waited until they thinned out by staring at my backyard. I watched the light rain fall from the sky, noting that my own tears fell at the very same pace. Forks was grieving with me. Or at least mocking my inability to get through a single thought about Nathaniel without crying.

"Did he pick up?" I heard Mason's voice from behind me.

I didn't turn to look at him, humiliated. "No."

"Oh, love," I heard his footsteps coming closer to me, and then I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I wanted to pull away, but the touch was too comforting – I couldn't pull away from it. "Don't blame yourself."

It was like he could read my mind. "Why not?"

"It's late," He rubbed my waist lovingly. "He's probably just asleep."

"Or he's ignoring me," I surmised.

Mason's arms snapped away unexpectedly and the tingle where they were only a couple seconds ago still remained. I turned to face him and he was looking down at the floor, fists clenched.

"None of this is your fault," He sighed. "That's why I keep saying that you have nothing to be sorry for. Nathaniel will come back, and you will take him with open arms … and that's just the way it will be. You can't rush it."

I analyzed him as he sat down on the couch, frozen.

His eyes stared straight forward, avoiding mine at all costs. The soft light from the kitchen poured out into the foyer and part of the living room, illuminating half of Mason's face. He leaned forward, pressing his elbows against his knees and holding his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry," I apologized meekly.

He laughed silently under his breath. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Ugh," I sat down beside him, exhaling. "Just forgive me already."

"Why should I?" He pulled his hands away from his face and looked over at me. "Like I said at the reception, it's my entire fault. I was the one who let you into the woods. And if I hadn't, then the whole thing wouldn't have happened."

I winced. The thing – it was becoming a curse word in my mind.

"Just forgive me," I pleaded.

"Fine," He snapped his eyes away from me. "I forgive you. Happy now?"

My mind raced, recognizing those words from long ago. I forgive you. Are you happy now? The words came from Nathaniel's mouth; that was all I knew for sure. It took me a moment to remember the circumstance, but then it all came back to me – it was the first day I had gone to Adam and Robyn's house. I had playfully told Nathaniel that I preferred blondes, and it had apparently been the wrong thing to say. He stormed out after that – into the woods, I remembered.

Was it a bad sign that I retained almost everything Nathaniel said to me?

My next line was instinctive, "I'm sorry if I offended you."

Mason's eyes met mine. "You didn't offend me. It just upsets me that you keep blaming all of Nathaniel's mistakes on yourself."

"I try not to," I exhaled.

"And I know that," He nodded. "Maybe you're the one that's ready to forgive Nathaniel, but he's not ready to be forgiven."

There was a long pause.

"He hasn't been a very good friend to you," Mason continued in a low, careful voice. "And don't get mad at me for saying that. I mean, he ignores your calls and he doesn't come to even talk things out with you, and it only causes you pain. So, I think that the only thing you can do now is stop putting all of this on your shoulders and start expecting him to be the man in this friendship."

I mulled the words over, watching Mason all the while.

He was right. Every word he'd said was one hundred percent true. And it wasn't until just now that I realized that. Blaming myself was getting us nowhere – and I was just destroying my relationship with Mason and my relationship with Nathaniel in the process.

"You're spending too much time with me," I leaned against his shoulder, a small smile crossing my face. "Either I surround myself with a bunch of sappy guys or my sentimentality is starting to rub off on everyone I come in contact with."

Mason chuckled quietly, "I think you have the ability to drain testosterone."

"What a talent," I rolled my eyes. "I'll be sure to update my résumé."

I rested my head between his chin and collar bone, locking my arms around his neck. Inhaling, I was drunk on his scent, as I always was. My vision blacked out for a moment and I could feel my heartbeat skip a couple necessary beats, but I was back to normal in a couple of seconds. I had been with him long enough now to master my self-control. Sure, he still mystified me frequently, but I had learned to deal with it. This was a helpful acquired skill – I was able to keep a cool head long enough for the perfect moments to last just a little while longer.

Exhaling, I pulled away briefly to look at his face. "I will need to talk to him eventually, though. I can't let him keep this between us and then decide to accept my apology when it's too late."

Mason looked away for a moment, staring straight ahead. "I agree."

I shook my head in quiet disbelief, whispering, "How do you do it?"

His eyes met mine and a soft grin crossed his face. "Do what?"

"How come you are so understanding when it comes all of this?" I wondered, a bit incredulous. "It makes no sense. You're not even mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?" His eyes were wide with curiosity.

"I screwed up," I reminded him. "I almost killed our relationship by bringing Nathaniel into all of this and creating this stupid love triangle. How can you not be the least bit disappointed in me?"

He smiled weakly, his blue eyes retreating to the floor. "I'm not disappointed because I've been through all of this before."

I watched his expression fall.

I didn't have to ask for him to explain. "I know what it feels like to think that you've let someone you love down. And then, on top of that pain, you have a whole other problem – someone else that you feel like you have to impress. I remember I felt bad at first for letting my relationship with Madison go, and then I had my job to worry about … my future to worry about. And my parents were on my back …" His voice disappeared.

I remained silent.

His eyes left the floor and met mine. "This is something you have to conquer. Time can't solve this and neither can anyone else. Some wounds heal themselves, and others require a little more attention." He wrapped his arms around me, gently pulling me up and placing me on his lap. "Trust me. I'm a doctor."

I rested my head against his shoulder again. "So, you're telling me that I can't overlook this and expect it to just blow over? That I have to face it head on?"

He nodded. "It sounds hard, doesn't it?"

My closed my eyes briefly, taking a deep breath.

"But you can do it," He reassured me. "You're strong. Nathaniel may have the muscles on the outside, but you have 'em where it counts."

I laughed under my breath.

He brought his hand to my chin and softly pulled me into a kiss. It was short, but it was enough to slightly soothe my anxious qualms. His hand slid down my arm and then wrapped around my palm. I felt as his fingers found my wedding ring that remained proudly on my index finger. He pulled back to look at it, smiling gently.

"I like seeing that," He rubbed his thumb across the embedded gems.

"I think you just like knowing that I'm yours," I corrected.

"Yeah, that too," He smirked, kissing me again, stronger this time.

This time, he didn't stop purposefully. He was interrupted.

There was a quiet knock on the door – if it had been raining any harder, we would have most certainly missed it. With my luck, I wouldn't be shocked if it was Nathaniel; he always did have a way of ruining the most perfect moments.

"I've got it," I stood up out of Mason's grasp.

He didn't let go willingly. "Alright."

I made my way to the door sluggishly, in no hurry. Once I got there, though, the person anxiously knocked again, louder this time. I was reaching for the door when I saw the person on the other side of the glass turn and run down the steps.

Heatedly, I pulled open the door, staring into their back. "Hey!"

The person stopped in their tracks, still facing away from me.

"If you are going to ding-dong ditch my house, you might as well use the door bell next time," I shook my head. It was then that a caught a glimpse of a taxi parked in the driveway behind my truck. That was strange – it was rare to see a cab in Forks.

Slowly, the stranger turned to face me, the words coming out in a silent rush, "I'm sorry. I know it's late and I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I just wanted to come to you first. I feel like you are the only person I could trust …"

I was unable to process the rest of the words he said.

The overwhelming shock was a bit too much to bear. For a second, I began to question if I was even awake right now – his face had become nothing more than a dreamlike memory in these past few months. And now here he stood, his words urgently pleading but his face unnaturally calm. If everything was muted right now, I wouldn't have suspected anything to be out of the ordinary just by looking at his face.

One thing I did notice, though, was that he seemed much, much older.

He was still in the midst of apologizing when I ran down the steps – almost slipping – and wrapped my arms around him. "Asher!"

I could tell he was hesitant. "You're happy to see me?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed, pulling back. I could only begin to imagine the look on Krista's face when she heard the news. "I thought I would never see you again!"

He was a little more eager to hug me back now. "You're not mad?"

"Oh, I'm furious," I stepped back out of his grasp. "I can't believe you would be so stupid! Your mother has been to hell and back because of you. And I'm pretty sure that you are going to be grounded for the rest of your life. Take a good look around because this is probably the last time you will ever see the outdoors."

He couldn't take being out of my arms very long. Jumping back into a hug, he continued, "I will take the consequences with open arms. I was stupid and I deserve it." I could tell he was sincere – and regretful.

My face fell and I pushed out of his grasp again, this time not letting him try to pull me back. I remembered when the case was still fresh a couple of months ago – Nathaniel had told me that it wouldn't be surprising if Asher was arrested. I was standing here talking about him getting grounded, when the real possibilities were that he would be behind bars. I couldn't picture the innocent little child that I met a little over a year ago in prison.

"Any consequence?" I sighed.

"Whatever it takes," He shrugged, glancing over at the cab.

"Asher," I looked down at my feet and then back at him. "My friend is on the Forks PD. He told me awhile ago that you could be charged for an endless amount of crimes – they have no way of knowing all the damage you've done. They might …"

He already knew what I was going to say. "I'm going to jail."

My throat constricted. "Maybe."

"I can't believe this," He stepped back as if I had just slapped him in the face. "Does anyone remember how much my family has given to this town? The Masons have been in Forks for generations!"

"I don't think something as little as a good family name will get you out of this one," I began to play with my hands. The nervous habit.

"It's not that, Scarlett," His voice grew quiet. "Everyone here has known me since I was a baby. They know I wouldn't do any of the accusations they made. All those notices said that I was a kidnapper, a criminal. I didn't do anything that way – I wanted to make sure I did everything right. Why do they think that I'm some kind of … monster?"

I couldn't find the words to say.

His voice rose in volume, more aggressive now. "I was scared out of my mind. You have no idea how scared I was. At first, it felt great, to be without judgment. It was amazing to be able to stand on my own. But after the first month, I felt horrible … and it was your fault." He jabbed a finger at me.

"Me?" My eyes widened.

"All I could hear was your voice telling me that it was a mistake," He stared down at the grass blankly. "I sent you that e-mail before because I was afraid of the rest of the world. I felt like you were the only one I could trust. I was terrified – I wanted to come home so badly. But we didn't have the money. We spent all of our savings on getting out of town that we didn't have enough to go back …. We were stuck trying to save up … we wanted to be in Forks bad, though."

I felt terrible. They had been living their life in fear. And while the rest of the country thought that they wanted nothing more than to get away, all they wanted was to come back.

"How long have you been gone?" I went through the numbers in my head. "I'm adding 'em up and it says almost half a year, but I want to be wrong."

"That's right," He nodded.

There was a short pause.

"I was scared," He repeated, his eyes wandering back to the taxi. "And then I looked into those two little eyes, and then I wasn't scared anymore."

I had almost forgotten the reason he left. I nodded, "The baby."

He smiled up at me, "Oh, I can't wait for you to meet her. She's adorable."

There were no words to say. I was just thankful he was happy.

"At first," He admitted, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Once again, his eyes retreated to the taxi cab. "I was afraid of becoming a dad. But it's not so bad, minus the puke and diapers and stuff. But it should be easier to raise her with my family nearby. Gabrielle could really use my mom's help."

I crossed my arms across my chest. "I hate to say I told you so …"

He laughed, putting his hands up defensively, "I know, I know. I should have listened to you. But I wasn't in my right mind when I decided that. I was tired and frustrated … and so was Gabrielle. Neither of us was being very smart."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"All that I can do," He shrugged. "We're gonna go over to my parents' place tonight, which should be hell. I'm not sure I want to face them, but I know that I've got to. As for the future, though, I'm probably going to buy a place in the same neighborhood as my folks and get a job in Port Angeles, maybe take some college courses online. Gabby will just be happy to start a family right, I'm sure. She's probably sick of raising a baby out of dingy motel room.

"It'll be nice to not have to run anymore," He sighed. When I looked at him cautiously, he added, "I know this isn't over yet. I'll have to deal with the police, smooth out the claims as best I can. But I'm glad because I can see the end in sight. This is almost over."

I shook my head, stepping forward and wrapping him into a hug. "You have no idea how worried Krista's been, and me, too. I don't ever want you to do anything like that again for as long as you live. If you do, I just might have to kill you."

He chuckled, "And I just might let you."

Pulling back, he glanced back at the taxi, this time making a move towards it. I could tell he was itching to leave – the sooner he got to his parents, the better.

"Oh, by the way," His eyes came back to me, a lively mockery to them now. "I was hanging down at the diner – undercover, of course – just to see if my dad was okay, and I overheard some old men at the bar."

"Don't believe elderly gossip," I warned jokingly.

"So, it's a lie, then?" His eyes widened. "You're not married?"

"Oh," I looked instinctively down at my wedding ring. "I guess the elderly aren't as senile as I've been led on to believe."

"When I came over to see you," He confessed, "sure, it was because I wanted to let you know that I was back and that I was okay. But I also wanted to see if the rumors were true myself. Once I saw the other car in the driveway, I figured it was true. I'm really happy for you both."

"Thanks," I muttered. The word was so soft that it flew away with the wind.

"I never thought I'd see the day, though," He sighed. "I always pictured you and Dr. Cooper as just friends."

I shook my head, "Coop? No way. I'm not married to him."

"Well, that's the only surgeon I know in this town. Unless, I missed something while I was gone."

"An old friend of mine started working up at the hospital a couple weeks after you left," I told him. "And we just kind of hit it off." I laughed under my breath.

"Oh," He nodded. "And, the other rumor, that's true too, right?"

"Don't believe everything you hear," I stared up at the moonless sky.

"So you didn't get attacked in the woods by some wolves?" He smiled.

"God, where does everyone hear all this stuff?" I gawked.

"Small town," Asher shrugged with a laugh. "Big ears."

"Well, yes, I did get attacked by the pack," I noted that he glanced at the taxi again – my only guess was that Gabrielle and the baby were inside. He was just being protective, I knew. "And it certainly was not my finest hour."

"And, I'm guessing if that rumor is true," He nodded. "Then so is the other."

"What else is everyone saying about me?" I grinned. "I swear, I think I should just start my own blog or something. That way people won't have to try as hard to dig into my personal life."

"It's not about you," He denied. "It's about … my sister."

The memory of that fateful day flashed in front of my eyes again. Being forced to tell Krista about Gemma's death was possibly one of the most painful things I had ever done – or at least it made the top ten.

"Um," I struggled to find my voice. "What have you heard?"

"She died a little over a month ago," He sighed.

I didn't have to say it for him to understand.

"I should have seen that coming," He looked away from me.

Out of all the responses I could predicted someone would say after discovering their sibling was dead, that certainly wasn't one of them. I watched as he shifted his weight slowly – it was clear under his impressive poker face that he was deeply hurt.

"If I hadn't left …." He stopped himself and then started again, "There could have been one more person to protect her. She had a life ahead of her."

"So did you," I wouldn't let him blame himself.

"My situation was different," He said indifferently. "I chose to give my future up, but she had it all spread out in front of her. She was ready for life and I pushed it away. It's different."

"Not really," I replied stubbornly.

He looked up at me, a curious smile on his face.

Shrugging, I pulled the sleeves of my jacket over my fists. This coat was too light for the weather, despite the fact that it was the middle of spring. The Pacific Northwest's winds still swept through Forks with the same crisp climate of winter.

"I should be going," Asher rolled back on his heels. "It's late and the baby is already asleep. I'll be glad to get some sleep myself."

"Go," I urged. "Tell Krista I say hi."

"I will," He allowed. "If she lets me talk between suffocating hugs and frantic death threats, that is. I'm scared she'll have my head for this one."

"I don't think you'll even be that lucky." I headed for the steps.

When I turned to look back at him, he was already at the end of the walk and by the taxi. I waved goodbye, and he waved back. Just before I was about to go inside, he called my attention back to him.

"Thank you," He pushed open the door, and I could see Gabrielle inside.

"Why are you thanking me?" I wondered. "If I hadn't suggested you leave, you would've still been here."

"Yes," He acknowledged, but then he continued, "But I would have been itching to leave. Now that I've left and I've grown up, I realized … life sucks, so I might as well just take what I'm given and be happy about it."

I smiled, suppressing a laugh. "That's a good philosophy."

"It's also helpful," He nodded in agreement. "Wish I would have figured that out sooner. It definitely would have made my life a hell of a lot easier."

I nodded, grinning, "Have a good night, Asher."

"You too," He climbed into the cab and after a couple prolonged seconds, the car pulled out onto the street and around the corner, disappearing into the darkness.

Unlike my previous observation – that too many cars had pulled out of that driveway and decided not to come back – I felt confident watching this vehicle leave. I knew now that everything was beginning to fall back into place. Forks had been too overdramatic lately, and that only meant that it was only a matter of time before things would settle again.

And then, for a couple years, life would be good.

Everyone would be content and everything would be balanced. But nothing could be content and nothing could be balanced all on its own. Just like Mason had said, I couldn't wait for time or anyone else to do the fixing. It was all on me now, and despite the severe insignificance of my task, I was terrified.

The fate of the world is on your shoulders, I thought to myself. Don't mess up.

Spring forward. Fall back.

Time passed, in spite of my urge to pull everything to a standstill. But life in motion wasn't all that bad – having someone to spend it with made it that much more bearable. Work soldiered on, the weeks soldiered on, and so did I. It was perpetual and steady; and often uneventful. Mason and I would go to work and come home, and the more that pattern sustained, the more I came to like it.

There was one thing, however, that quickly transformed from pattern to habit.

And it wasn't something that I figured was very healthy for me.

Every night, right before going to bed, I would tell Mason that I needed something from downstairs or that I was thirsty, and sneak down to the kitchen. I wasn't becoming a hoarder or a glutton, but I'm sure that it could be classified as some sort of medical condition.

Every night, I would call Nathaniel and, every night, he would never answer.

Some of my messages were desperate and along the lines of 'I miss you' or 'I love you.' Others were angry, just drops from the bottled fury that was boiling just under my surface – 'You can't hide from me forever' and 'you're acting like a child.' But the majority of my messages were empty threats, saying that 'I thought you said you would never hurt me' or that 'I guess not choosing you was a good idea, considering that you are being a big baby right now' and that 'you should grow up and move on.'

But there was never any sincerity to what I said.

Sure, when I said the words, I meant them. But when I went back and thought about what I had said later, I felt nothing but guilt – I knew that they were all lies. I hoped that, by the time Nathaniel finally decided talk to me, I would have my explanations straight and my feelings sorted out. But that was all dependent on if he ever decided to talk to me again.

Nonetheless, I kept all my feelings concealed.

And for awhile, I thought I was pretty stealth. Mason didn't seem to be aware of my nightly phone calls and he showed no signs of concern; we went on with life smoothly with few bumps, and Mason seemed happy. But it turned out that he was a better actor than I had previously assumed.

One night, after one particularly painful phone call that only Nathaniel's voicemail would ever hear, I came up to find Mason waiting on the bed where he always was. I found nothing out of the ordinary as I came to lie beside him and we began to talk quietly like we always did. But, as I soon began to tell by his tone, he was forlorn. Then he started repeating some of the heartrending statements I had admitted silently between sobs into the telephone downstairs.

"Does he listen to you?" He asked that night, his face concealed by the dark.

"He doesn't answer," I admitted it slowly, dejected.

And that was as far as the conversation went.

The next day surprised me, though. He woke up, pretending that the previous night hadn't even happened, and went on through the day without mentioning it even once. So, I followed suit; I forgot that Mason knew and went back to thinking that my routine was my little secret.

Two months after the wedding and a little more than two months without Nathaniel, I decided that I would only make one more phone call. It was useless venting my feelings to air. I could do that without the telephone – it would have saved me a lot on the phone bill, too.

So on the last night, I stood up from the bed and told Mason that I was 'cold and going to get my coat from downstairs.' He nodded wordlessly and let me go. I picked up the phone helplessly, dialing the number and waiting. I felt some insane hope in the pit of my stomach, some inkling that tonight would be the night where Nathaniel would finally pick up.

But, to no surprise, he didn't answer. I mouthed Nathaniel's words as he spoke them, since I had practically memorized his voicemail by now, and waited for the mechanical beep to sound.

When it did, I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry to bother you again. Your answering machine is probably busted with all the messages I've been leaving, but I've just been anxious lately. I guess I need someone to talk to. Someone that will get me … or maybe I just need my best friend's voicemail. Yeah, that's probably it. I rather to talk to something inanimate than to something that can talk back, you know?

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be calling anymore, considering I don't find that there is any more purpose in it. If you choose to call me back or even – God forbid – come and visit, then I will be glad to talk to you and hear your voice. But if you want a clean break, I understand. I think that's what we both need, since …" The mechanic beep reverberated through my ears, signaling that my time was up.

With another deep breath, I pulled the phone away from my ear (all of a sudden, it seemed to weigh a million pounds) and placed it back in the dock. I stood there motionless in the kitchen, only the light from the streetlamp outside illuminating my surroundings. I would have been standing there for hours if I hadn't heard the floorboards creak above me.

I left my spot in the kitchen and headed for the stairwell, only to find that Mason was there waiting for me. I knew that he had overheard everything – I could tell by the look on his face. I played it cool, though.

"I was just coming up," I lied.

He ignored my transparent lie. "I've been trying to figure Nathaniel out."

My breathing fell out of step for only a moment, but then it returned to normal. I stepped up and sat down on the fifth stair from the bottom. In turn, Mason sat beside me, wrapping his arm around me.

"Enlighten me," I exhaled deeply, a very nasal sound.

"I don't know how he does it," he shrugged, running his hand gently through my hair. "He has so much influence on you without even coming near you. At first, I thought he was doing it all on purpose. By avoiding you, that would only mean that you think about him more, which is exactly what he wants."

"But at the wedding," I told him, my voice not even a whisper. "Robyn told me he was locked up in his house for a week."

"Coop told me that the other day," He nodded. "He said that he was talking briefly with Chief Donohue about a drugged teenager that was admitted to the ER the other day and they somehow stumbled into the topic of Nathaniel. Apparently, he hasn't been at the station for weeks – he said he has a freakish case of the flu and can't even stand to be outside in the sunlight. Coop immediately saw through the lie and knew that it had everything to do with you."

His voice remained relatively calm throughout his whole explanation.

"So then I thought that Nathaniel was using this lie just to evade judgment," He continued. "The Quileutes are all very closely knit, so to see Nathaniel go hermit on everyone is extremely out of the ordinary. At least that's what Adam told me when I called him the other day."

"You called him?" I was honestly surprised.

"Whether he has relations with Nathaniel or not," Mason said. "We are still friends. Besides, we wanted to catch up with each other – status reports, actually. You see, we feel like we are the prison guards. I'm watching you and the Quileutes are watching Nathaniel."

"I feel like a lab rat," I complained.

He laughed silently under his breath. "Well, you won't be under observation much longer, I promise. We've decided to give up on babysitting you two because … well, because, first and foremost, we're tired of it. It's too much work. And second, because you are getting much better."

"You call these crank calls 'getting better'?"

"I overheard what you said," He admitted, and I could tell in his voice that he was apologetic. "You said that you wouldn't be calling anymore. And, in my opinion, that means you are getting much, much better." He leaned closer and kissed my forehead.

"And Nathaniel?" I was awfully curious.

"What about him?" Mason looked down at me.

"Is he getting better?" I wondered.

The last time I had seen Nathaniel at his house, he'd said that each day was getting gradually better than the last. Even though I had left his house that day with tears down my face and fists clenched, I was still reassured by that smiling face that he was okay. Although the image of the enraged Nathaniel that I was not familiar with was permanently etched into my brain, I kept the mindset that he was still the person I remembered from those three weeks – he was still the Nathaniel I loved.

"Um," Mason paused, looking away from me slowly. "Well, he's not doing very well. Not as good as you. He's still … broken."

"Did he get my messages?" I wondered anxiously.

"I don't know," He pushed my hair behind my ear.

"I just wish he knew," I buried myself deeper into Mason's chest, sensing that there were tears threatening just beyond my last nerve. "Sometimes I think he doesn't even worry about me. He just sits there in that dinky little house of his fantasizing about the girl he doesn't even know."

Mason froze. "Doesn't know?"

"If I recall correctly," I exhaled. "He fell in love with me before he even really knew me. He probably only remembers the Scarlett that his imagination came up with. That's probably the only thing he can remember … it's been too long."

There was silence as the wind brushed against the side of the house.

"So did you ever figure Nathaniel out?" I asked him quietly.

"I have a final theory," He whispered, continuing to brush my hair sweetly through his fingers. "I believe that you and he are simply masochists that enjoy nothing more than to watch yourselves suffer."

My eyes met his.

"And you can't object," He added quickly. "Because, so far, you haven't done anything to stop your suffering."

"I'm trying," I protested.

"Are you?" Mason challenged.

Brushing out of his grasp, I stood and walked down to the very bottom of the stairwell so that, even though he was still sitting, we were face to face. My arms dangled by sides tautly and I clenched my fists, closing my eyes equally as tight.

"I want to get this right," I began to explain, opening my eyes again. "There is nothing significant I'm able to fix. There are inward quirks of mine and maybe a various habit or two that I could possibly fix, but things like the fate of another person or the attitude of someone towards me is not something I can adjust. If Nathaniel wants to change, then Nathaniel will change. If he doesn't, then he won't.

"But I am not going to go down there to him and try to convince him to come back to life, because I know that if I do, I will only counterproductively force him even deeper into isolation for even longer, and it will only hurt me more than I already am. This isn't a pattern. This is the way things are.

"Hopefully, one day, I will get my friend back. He will come back the way I remember him – laughing and smiling and staring at me with those eyes that say he would do anything for me. For awhile I thought that if he really cared about me, he would have been at my wedding. But now I know that if he really cared about me, he would come back to me and make things right when he had the chance. Here's his chance, and I know that he has the guts to take it. I'm just scared that he doesn't have any life left to go for it.

"Maybe," I finished, "I will never see him again, but I promise that you will never have to worry about me being heartbroken over Nathaniel ever again. I won't let him ruin the rest of my life with you. I love you, and that's all that matters."

Mason smiled tiredly, reaching out and taking my hands.

I loosened my fists and unlocked my fingers so that they fit effortlessly into the palms of hands. He rubbed his thumb across my skin and I just silently watched him as he breathed, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

"That was a pretty commendable speech," He grinned widely. As I simpered, he added quietly, "Right up there with I Have a Dream, most definitely."

He pulled me into his grasp, and the warm touch soothed my tense muscles.

"I love you," He murmured into my ear. "And I trust you to know what's good for you."

"I've noticed that most of my pain is self-inflicted," I ran my hand through his blonde hair. "So I think I'm past the point of knowing what's good for me."

He smiled, "Well, remember what I said. You're strong. You can do this."

"Yeah," I shrugged, watching his eyes as they watched me. "But Nathaniel has the upper hand. You were right – it's sick how much influence he has over me, and believe me, I hate it." I paused to take a deep breath. "But, knowing that I have to live life without him is too painful for me."

His eyebrows furrowed innocently.

"I knew this would happen," I said mainly to myself. "I knew that if I chose one of you, then I would have to live life without the other. That's why I didn't want to decide. That's why it was so difficult for me. It's not that it was a hard choice, it's just that the consequences were hard."

He said meekly, "I always thought it was hard because you loved him more."

"No," I shook my head. "I love him, yes, but I had already made my decision a long time ago. I just didn't want to face judgment day because I knew what I was losing. I knew he would leave my life, but I didn't think he'd purge himself of me completely."

"Well, I am sorry I put you through that," He apologized pointlessly.

"You didn't put me through it," I shook my head. "It was all my own doing."

He gently placed my head between his shoulder and chin.

I was listening to his heartbeat intently when I said, with sarcasm dripping off my tongue, "I guess I never knew I was so attractive. And I most certainly never knew that I was worth all of this attention."

"Oh, you're worth it," He chuckled under his breath.

"It will be hard to live without him," I exhaled, staring out the front door at the streetlamp. I could see soft raindrops beginning to fall. "He is my best friend and I can't ignore all of those times he was there for me and I wasn't there for him. But, if he wants to live without me, then it looks like I will have to live without him."

"And you're okay with that?" Mason sighed.

"Of course not," I glimpsed up at him and then back out at the rain. "But, from here on out, I'm not going to let him have that kind of power over me. I love him with all my heart and I'm going to miss him, but that's life, right?"

He stared forward blankly, "Yeah."

His blue eyes stared straight at the wall, the light color suddenly turning dark. I grinned, reaching up and putting my hand to his face. "What's with the distant stare?"

He brought his eyes to mine and they grew bright again. "Sorry. I blanked out for a second there." Standing, we both began to make our way up the steps, but he stopped halfway. "Hey, you go on up. I'll be there in a second, I'm just going to get a drink."
"Okay," I smiled, my hand hesitantly leaving his grasp.

He went down the steps and disappeared around the corner.

I dragged my feet to my bedroom, staring straight ahead of me and straining my ears so I could hear the erratic rainfall above me. I hated knowing that I was hurting so many people at once. I was hurting Nathaniel, and by doing that, I was upsetting Mason, and by doing that, I was only killing myself. Who knew I would turn out to be such a hopeless case?

But what I had said downstairs was not a lie. I vowed that I would work to make things right, whether Nathaniel wanted to or not. My life would not be soiled by the mere memory of him. And, even though I had made this promise to myself several times, this time I would keep it.

I continued listening to the rain and it relaxed me slightly. Once I reached our room, I collapsed on the bed, hopelessly counting the seconds as they passed. The raindrops counted with me, until they were interrupted by a deep, guttural growling noise. The sound accelerated and then revved, and my heart pounded inside my chest.

I stood, hurriedly leaving my room and walking over to the Twilight room. I stared out the window that looked down onto the driveway, searching the darkness. Then my eyes found it – I saw the Volvo speeding around the corner just before it disappeared.