The Lost Tribute ch 26
Third person this chapter. Thank you so much reviewers! Keep it up!
Neve
Boggs and Katniss stare at Anya worriedly for a moment. Everything else seems to be coming back slowly, some of it she remembers. The fog in her mind isn't as heavy as first assumed.
And yet… she doesn't recall Haymitch. She cannot remember who he is, or that he is the reason she has lost her memory. All she knows is she's saner than she was before, and that The Hanging Tree has stopped playing in her head.
She cannot remember her Games, so she does not remember that Haymitch was her co-Victor. She does not remember him being part of her childhood. It is as though her entire memory of him has been erased. At first, Katniss suspects this has been done deliberately, but when Anya makes one small comment, she dismisses this theory.
"Wait… isn't he the town drunk?" Anya asks, biting her lip.
Katniss nods, because what else can she do?
Anya is confused. Why would the town drunk be of any significance to her? Why would she care? She cannot even remember what he looks like.
"Why should I remember him?" Anya asks, confused.
Katniss and Boggs exchange looks and then decide to give her a sketchy account.
"Well, he loved you," says Katniss.
Anya processes this then wrinkles her nose delicately.
"Did I love him?" she asks.
"Yes. Very, very much," says Katniss heavily.
This amuses Anya. I couldn't possibly love a drunkard.
"So what happened?"
"You broke up. He wasn't kind about it. Now you're here. Go figure," says Katniss shortly.
Anya processes this too. It's his fault! She realises, I tried to kill myself because of him?
"It's his fault," Anya says quietly.
"Technically," says Boggs, and mutters something that sounds like insensitive selfish fuck.
Anya is pleased that someone else dislikes Haymitch.
"Do you want to meet him?" asks Katniss.
Anya stares at her like she's completely stupid.
"No. I want him to stay the hell away from me!" Anya exclaims angrily.
She blames him, and the others understand why completely.
xXxXx
Boggs goes back to Haymitch's room to tell him that Anya is alive. Haymitch is sitting on his bed, a tortured expression on his face. Boggs suspects that's from lack of booze rather than worry about Anya.
"She's alive, Abernathy, no thanks to you," Boggs informs him.
Haymitch stands. "Oh, thank God!" he says, looking relieved. He goes to leave but Boggs holds out an arm and stops him.
"First off, Abernathy, she doesn't want to see you."
"That's bullshit! I need to see her!"
"Even if I took you there, she doesn't remember you!" Boggs snaps.
Haymitch is stunned. "What do you mean?" he asks.
"I mean, she suffered severe memory loss from her little stunt with a noose," says Boggs.
Haymitch grimaces. "She doesn't remember me?"
"Nothing. Except for the fact that you're the town drunk and you broke her heart."
"She blames me," Haymitch says flatly. It isn't a question.
Boggs nods and shrugs.
"Can you blame her, Abernathy?" he asks wryly.
"No. Of course not." Haymitch sits back down, "let me know if things change. Please?" he hates to beg, but he misses Anya. He wants to apologize. To tell her he'll find a balance. That he loves her.
But now, she can't remember him. She resents him.
"You said you wanted to protect her, Abernathy," says Boggs, voice not as harsh now.
"Looks like I got that wish," Haymitch says bitterly.
xXxXx
They keep Anya hospitalized for a week or so, and when she's finally discharged she can remember her way around Thirteen. Sort of. Boggs draws her a map, and offers to lend her one of the digital maps if he can get clearance. Anya laughs at him.
"They'll never give clearance to the crazy girl," she says, smirking.
Boggs grins. "I'm sure I can fix that," he says.
Anya is grateful, because she knows he's dodging 'the system' for her. She isn't sure what exactly 'the system' is, but she's willing to bet it's important.
xXxXx
Anya crosses pathways with Haymitch when she and Boggs are walking to Special Defense for her first training session. Attempted training session. Anya eyes Haymitch warily but doesn't react. Doesn't say anything. Why should she? She doesn't remember him. The men bicker. Anya stares blankly.
Boggs seems to think training isn't a good idea after all, and sends her off to lunch, before stomping off to Command. Anya drifts off to find Katniss. Haymitch stares after her.
xXxXx
Anya goes to the 'dining hall' for lunch, walking with Katniss because she's still unsure of so much. The 'dining hall' is crowded with people, and Anya notices a lot of them stare at her and at their Mockingjay as they walk into the crowded hall. Anya only recognizes two people: Prim, who looked after her when she woke up, and Haymitch. She only vaguely recognizes him, but there's no big memory trigger, no tearful reunion. People keep looking at her almost expectantly. It makes Anya anxious. She can't even remember what she looks like – they won't let her near a mirror – and they expect her to remember Haymitch?
Anya knows her throat is bruised to hell, which is why they've covered the mirrors. She knows she has dark hair, braided into hundreds of thin twists. She knows she is pale, because when she holds her hand near her face, she can see the pale pigment of her skin. But she doesn't know the color or shape of her eyes. She can't remember how tall she is. So many faces.
I used to know them all, Anya thinks desperately, and she vows to get her memories back, no matter what. They watch Anya and Katniss as the two girls cross the room, sit in a corner with their full trays. It takes Anya a moment to realize that she doesn't recognize a single thing on the tray. There's some kind of cream-colored liquid. Anya thinks it's called soup but she's not too sure.
Then there's a round, almost dirty looking vegetable, baked by the look of it. Anya has no idea what it is, and that frustrates her because whatever it is, it smells delicious. So she nudges Katniss and asks what it is.
"That's a potato," Katniss explains patiently. A woman at their table, with dark hair and Seam eyes, puts in – "It's bland but good for you."
Anya asks her name, feeling pitiful.
"I'm Hazelle," says Gale's mom. Anya introduces herself and they shake hands.
Everyone goes back to eating in silence. Anya eats carefully, like a child trying new food for the first time. In a way, she's almost childlike now.
Anya discovers that she likes turnip soup and baked potatoes, and cheerfully finishes the lot. She sets down her knife and fork and realizes Haymitch and Katniss are arguing in low voices.
She hears her name and goes on the defensive at once – she doesn't trust Haymitch. At all.
"She doesn't trust you," Katniss is hissing.
"She doesn't have a choice. I know more about her than any of you!" Haymitch snarls in a low voice.
Anya interrupts. Just because she forgets things, doesn't mean she's incapable of her own decisions.
"What are you saying?" she asks.
"Nothing," Katniss says hurriedly. Anya scowls.
"No. It wasn't nothing. What did you mean, Haymitch?" she asks, hesitating on his name because she isn't sure why she nearly died because of him.
Sometimes she sees him looking at her in agony, sees a flicker of an old passion that would make her blush if she could remember how to. Somehow, she wonders if she can perhaps trust him, just a little.
"I know things about you, Anya, that nobody else does," Haymitch says, "and I can help you remember them."
Anya hesitates. She wants to know. She wants to remember. They say she loved him more than her own life. She wonders if, to get that feeling back, she will have to fall in love with him again. Right now, the idea seems alien to her. Love is out of the question. She is too muddled, her mind too foggy. She wants to remember.
"Teach me," she says.
Haymitch looks at her, stunned. "Are you sure?" he asks.
"No, she isn't," Katniss says.
Anya scowls. "I am sure. Help me, please," she almost pleads, because if she knows one thing, it is that Haymitch probably does know her. And if he knows her, knows her mind, then she wants his help. She isn't happy about it, but she knows it is necessary.
"Of course, sweetheart," says Haymitch, and then he slouches off before he does something stupid and soft-assed, like cry.
In a way, her childlike state scares Haymitch. She should be in the infirmary, not walking around with a gun. He considers going and yelling at Boggs again, but then recalls that Boggs is like Anya's father. And that, if he values his life, he shouldn't do that.
He fucked up, big time. But now he can fix it. He can make her better.
He ends up at the infirmary, where he asks a doctor why she can't remember him.
"The drugs we gave her targeted the things making her so depressed. Naturally it wiped her Games out, and every memory of you that became too painful."
So, basically, the whole lot, Haymitch thinks bitterly.
"The other memories were only temporarily lost. She will regain them again rapidly."
Haymitch scowls. "What about the other ones?"
"They will come back eventually, not as vivid as they once were, but she may remember eventually. My advice to you, Soldier Abernathy, is if you want her back, you're going to have to get her to fall in love with you again. Rebuild that relationship right from scratch."
Haymitch smirks bitterly. "Seen me lately, Doc?" he says darkly, "Not exactly top on the list for most girls."
The doctor chuckles wryly. "Anyarose isn't most girls, is she?"
With that, the doctor dismisses him, and Haymitch leaves the office with a new sense of hope in his chest. Anya has decided to trust him a little, let him teach her. And for now, that's good enough.
Haymitch vows to himself as he walks towards Anya's room that he will get her back eventually. He will bring her back to him if it is the last thing he ever does.
xXxXx
Shorter chapter, I know. But I'll update again later/tomorrow, so you'll get the next part soon enough. Thank you doctorHolmestuck for the advice on the extent of brain damage Anya would have suffered. I hope I've explained the selective amnesia well enough with the drug. :P
Please review guys and girls, or I may decide to abscond for a few weeks again and leave this story hanging on the edge! Nah, I'd never abandon the story, but seriously, review. Please?
Neve.