Author's Note:
Hello everyone! As noted before, this is the fourth part of the second series of my Peaky Blinders FanFiction story "Ghosts of Our Past." To understand the main original character's origins, looks, and story line, please go back to the first chapter of this entire story, under the title "Ghosts of Our Past: A Dying Promise." All of the story is under this story line, so it will be easier for my previous readers to keep up with the updates. :)
Thank you to the new follows and favorites on this story! Thank you so much to ngome055 for the review. It made my day!
Enjoy!
xxA
Ghosts of Our Past: A Broken Promise (Series 2)
Part Four:
When we entered the Shelby residence on Watery Lane, it was if nothing had changed. The only exception was the ever busy betting dens were empty, due to the impending funeral.
For once, business had been stilled to commemorate the life and death of one of their own. It struck me only then, how much Freddie Thorne had actually meant to Thomas Shelby.
As Tommy let go of my arm, I began to look around the place, taking in the familiar sights.
As much as I should have felt like a stranger in their home, I felt like I was truly at home for the first time in nearly two years.
Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me.
"Antonina fuckin' Casey. You cut your hair."
I couldn't help, but feel tears brim my eyes at the sound of Arthur's voice. As I turned around, he swept me into a hug and I couldn't help the tears from cascading down my face. As Arthur pulled back, he took me in, frowning.
"Aye, you act like we are going to a funeral or somethin'."
Despite my tears, I scoffed at the poor choice of words.
"Arthur, show some fuckin' respect!"
Polly's voice rang out loud, echoing off the walls. I couldn't help, but laugh.
"Arthur Shelby, you haven't changed at all," I said, wiping the tears from eyes. I slapped his arm and he turned to greet Tommy. Tommy murmured something to Arthur and he followed him. They walked into the main office, shutting the door.
Feeling uneasy, I turned to Polly, who I expected to give me the cold shoulder for leaving without a trace.
Instead, she hugged me so tightly I thought that I would break into two. She whispered into my ear, as she held the embrace.
"It's good to see you, dear. I'm happy to see you made it out and back in one piece."
As we pulled away, I began to feel emotional again, for the second mother I had come to love and miss. How much time had passed.
"I'm so sorry-"
"You 'ave nothin' to apologize for. It's him who should be sorry. But you know it."
Hearing the words said aloud broke the chains of guilt I felt from within. I smiled a sad smile at Polly, before turning to greet Esme and John, who were preparing their children for the day.
"John, Esme."
I was never close with John, before I made my departure from Birmingham, but he nodded at me warmly all the same. Esme smiled at me, introducing me to their newest child.
"Hello beautiful," I said, cooing to the newest Shelby.
Even though I felt his presence as he entered the room, he didn't say much as he watched me interacting with their child.
"It's good to see you home, Toni."
Everyone stilled at his words. I smiled, albeit awkwardly as I handed Esme's child back to her.
Was I home? How long would I be?
As much as it may have seemed to them that I was back for good, I had a life in London to return to. I would not be returning to Small Heath to stay.
I didn't get the chance to dwell on this thought for long.
The sound of a pair of heels brought about a somber atmosphere into the room. As Ada entered, her eyes only found my own. It was painfully obvious that she held a cool relationship with the rest of the family.
"Antonina, can you help me with Karl? It's time."
I simply nodded, going to her.
As I took Karl into my arms, the Shelby family and I walked to the automobiles to head to Freddie's funeral.
As I went to climb into the automobile with Ada, Tommy grabbed my arm.
"Ride with me."
I looked to Ada, who simply nodded to me. She held Karl on her lap, as she looked out the window. Polly walked past me, sitting with Ada in silence.
I guess there was nothing left to say between Ada and her family.
As I climbed into the back seat of the automobile, Tommy climbed in with me. As the driver got into the front seat, I turned to him, perplexed.
As I lit a cigarette, I couldn't keep the displeasure out of my voice when I spoke.
"You're too good to drive yourself now?"
As he took my cigarette from me, he took a drag before handing it back.
"You're beginning to sound like Ada."
I looked at him, shaking my head.
"Well, she is one of the few people that I have been in contact with, outside of work all these years. She does rub off on you."
Tommy didn't answer me, as he lit his cigarette.
As we began to drive towards the cemetery, we sat in silence for a few minutes.
As I took the last drag from my cigarette, I felt the air change around us. It felt uneasy, as we both were searching for the words to confront the storm that lay underneath us.
Even though we had breached the subject in the room above The Garrison, I couldn't help but feel as if I didn't get to express how much he had hurt me. How much he had betrayed me.
Even in the small room above The Garrison, I didn't feel as if we exorcisied the demons surrounding us.
As the silence grew, I knew that our earlier discussion had not quelled the fire deep inside me.
We had limited time, before we would join the others. I wasn't sure if we would ever be alone with one another again.
It was now or never.
I looked to Tommy, as his eyes began to search my eyes curiously.
"Are we ever going to talk about it, Thomas?"
"What is there left to talk about, Antonina?"
It felt as if I was slapped in the face by the audacity of his words. I couldn't keep my voice from rising higher and higher with every word that I spoke next.
"Are you fucking daft, Thomas Shelby? I am talking about how you sent me away all of those years ago like I meant nothing to you. I killed for you. I kept secrets for you. I planned business with you. I endured abuse from the Inspector for you-"
He interrupted me, his voice taking a gruff, albeit soft tone.
"What do you mean abuse? What did he do?"
I sighed, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply before continuing. Sometimes, the Inspector's face would come to find me in my nightmares. The memories of that evening had been one of the worst nights of my life.
"The night that you slept with Grace, I went to her home to save you."
I couldn't stop now. I had to continue.
He looked to the ground, as I spoke.
"I had just worked it out that she was an agent of the crown. After Harry told me her address, I came to kill her for you, before she would hand you over to the Inspector. But as I walked up to the residence, the Inspector was waiting outside. He watched everything. He-"
I stopped, swallowing.
"He grabbed my face and he forced me to watch it all. He threatened me. He threatened you. I snapped. I went to hit him in my anger and he was too quick. He nearly broke my arm, as he wrestled me to the ground. As a parting gift, he planned to rape me. It was lucky that I had my revolver in my dress pocket. I was able to get away."
Somewhere through the story, he had laced his fingers in my own hand, holding it. It was a minute, before he spoke.
"I can never tell you how sorry I am, Toni. For everything. I will make 'em pay one day. I will never let any man hurt you again."
Despite my anger, I began to cry in frustration.
"What does your word mean anymore, Thomas Shelby? This is the second time you promised this to me and you broke that promise before. What about what you did to me the next day, Thomas? You broke me. I had nowhere to go. I had to flee my home. I could have starved to death or my family could have come for me. You left me unprotected-"
Now it was Tommy's turn to lose his temper. His voice boomed through the entire automobile, his driver visibly shuttering at the scene.
"I sent men for you! I paid dozens of men to find you! I had every fuckin' intention to find you. I thought you were fuckin' dead!"
"Why didn't you come for me, once you learned where I was, Tommy?"
"You didn't want to hear my name, let alone see me face. I had to run a business, Antonina. The one that was still there when you left. Why do you think that I wrote to you?"
I stopped crying, sighing.
As I processed the information, I simply nodded, turning to look outside the window. As we passed the factories, I focused on the smoke pouring out of them. Much like Tommy and I were pouring out our feelings now.
It was minutes before he spoke. When he did, his voice had grown uncharacteristically soft.
"Toni, how many times do you want me to apologize? I have written it down over and over again. I am sorry, Antonina. I was never going to wire your family."
This much I knew to be true. In fact, I had always known it. I just needed to hear it said aloud.
And yet, I had nothing to say in turn.
At the moment, I could not offer my absolution for his sins in my eyes. It would take time to earn my trust again.
All I could do was nod my head yet again. I turned my head to the right to look at him, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes.
I had never felt more conflicted in my life.
I knew that Tommy Shelby was a good man, despite the many transgressions he had committed. A man who loved me, despite everything.
I needed to know one thing, which I didn't even know that I needed to learn myself, until the words came tumbling out of my mouth.
"Did you love her?"
He recoiled at my question, looking at me with the strangest look on his face. When he didn't answer me, I asked the question again.
"I asked you a question: did you love her?"
"I heard you."
"And?"
As he took a deep breath that seemed to last an eternity, he finally spoke.
"At first, I thought I did. But no, I didn't."
It was my turn to brood on the answer.
"How can I ever believe a word that you say, Thomas Shelby?"
"I wouldn't lie to you, Antonina."
I thought for a moment as I looked up to the roof for inspiration.
Nothing came from above; it only came from within.
"Okay. I believe you."
He nodded, lighting another cigarette.
The smoke seemed to cut through the tense atmosphere and I began to relax, taking the cigarette case from his breast pocket and lighting one of my own.
Soon, he began to search for a safer topic.
"So tell me about Alfie Solomons."
I nearly choked on the in-breath of my cigarette, as I processed the words.
"What do you want to know exactly?"
"How is business? Are you paid well? Are you enjoying the work?"
"What is it to you, Tommy?"
"I am curious."
"You're never just curious, Tommy."
Even so as I exhaled the smoke, I decided to be honest with him about Alfie. I realized how defensive I seemed.
"I have known Alfie for quite awhile, since the war actually. He was a captain. He was injured during a gas attack and I helped nurse him back to health. It was my lucky fortune that he remembered who I was. He offered me a job as a secretary at his "bakeries." I have worked there, since I arrived in London. I am paid well beyond what I deserve and he takes care of me very well. He offers me protection, provided I use a different name."
"What is Alfie to you, Toni?"
I turned to him, raising my eyebrows.
"Alfie is a trusted friend, nothing more. He is a fair man, albeit a bit off the wall sometimes. I work for him, Tommy. That is about it."
I shook my head, thinking about some of Alfie's unpredictable antics and behavior, when dealing with business.
"You're not his secretary anymore though. I hear you're one of his most trusted advisors."
I felt my head snap at him, turning to him. My mouth dropped open.
How did he know?
Of course. He had done his research.
"If you knew all of this, why did you ask me about him? Are you hoping that I will return to Small Heath? Because if so, the answer is no, not right now. I am not abandoning him. I am not abandoning the business. You should know me by now, Thomas. I honor my commitments. Can you say the same?"
Ignoring my goad into an argument, he continued the conversation.
"I am not asking you to. I only wanted to hear your opinion on the matter."
I narrowed my eyes at him, contemplating his motives.
"Why?"
"I am thinkin' about expandin' business to London."
Despite the serious context of the situation, I began to laugh. This was beginning to be a comedy on a day of tragedy.
No matter what, it always seemed that business was on the forefront of his mind. Nothing was ever an innocent conversation with Thomas Shelby. Had I not learned from my mistakes?
"You are fuckin' crazy, Thomas Shelby. Absolutely mental. Are you planning to get involved in the racial turf wars?"
He shrugged, continuing to smoke his cigarette. I shook my head, continuing my train of thought.
As much credit as I gave Thomas Shelby, he was truly unprepared for what lay ahead in London. For once, I had the upper hand on business when it came to this world.
"This isn't Birmingham. People die everyday in London. This is different than what Small Heath is, Tommy. This is like Chicago. One wrong turn into someone else's turf and you're dead. Who are you planning on provoking? I assume since you asked about Alfie that is either us or the Italians. So who is it going to be, Tommy?"
His jaw became tense, as he replied.
"So it's an 'us' now, aye? You and Alfie?"
I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"Oh fuck off, Thomas Shelby. I already told you that Alfie is just a friend. But this concerns me. You will put me in danger if you want a war between the Jews and you. Alfie doesn't hurt women and children, but I won't be dealt with nicely if that's your plan. He may be fond of me, but fondness ends rather quickly when it conflicts with business."
The driver's eyebrows raised and I saw the tense look on his face, reflected in the rear view mirror. I rolled my eyes. Obviously, the driver was new. He didn't know me.
"I don't have any plans to put you in danger, Antonina. I plan to make alliances with him. I have a plan. Can I count on you to facilitate that, when the time comes?"
As he searched my eyes, I began to shake my head. The audacity of this man.
"You're asking a lot from the woman you've done so much wrong against, Thomas Shelby. Was this why you fucked me this morning? Was this part of some calculated business move, a clause in the contract? Was I just another Grace Burgess to you?"
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. When he opened them, a different emotion flickered through the blue irises I had come to love and dread seeing over the years.
"You will always be the love of my life, Antonina Casey. This morning was about us. This is about business. You know how I feel about you. Don't mistake this for somethin' else, Toni."
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to reign in my anger. Four breaths in, four breaths out.
When I opened my eyes, I turned to look at Tommy. As he watched me, love ever-present was in his eyes.
He was not playing games with me, as much as I wanted to think the worst of him.
I did not know why he wanted to do business in London, but this much I knew to be true: he did love me.
As I felt the tides of my anger recede, I caressed Tommy's cheek. He took my hand, kissing it.
Soon, the automobile came to a slower pace, as we arrived at the cemetery.
Tommy looked to me.
"Antonina, can I count on you or not?"
Either way, I was in danger. Safety was never an option, where Thomas Shelby was involved. I had to make a decision quickly.
Trusting my instinct, I answered.
"Yes. You have my word that you can. But I need to have your word that I will be protected. If anything goes wrong, you better fix it quickly. I will not be a pawn in your game. I will not end up dead. Do you understand me clearly?"
"I understand. I will keep you safe, Antonina."
I nodded, as the car stopped. As the driver opened his door, he motioned for me to step out with him.
"Come, we are here."
As he took my arm in his, it seemed fitting that we were walking into a cemetery.
Tommy Shelby was playing a dangerous game. In the blink of an eye, I had become involved within it again.
This time, I hoped good fortune would find us. I only hoped that it wouldn't cost us our lives.
As we stood around the grave of Ada's lost love, I caught myself watching her as the priest delivered his words for the occasion.
Although selfishly I had wanted to stand alongside the other Shelbys, I took a spot next to Ada in front of the Communist Party and their banners. As she held Karl in her arms, she wore a brave face through it all.
She was one of the strongest women I knew.
I put my arm around her, giving her a friendly squeeze. Her eyes looked into mine with eternal gratitude. I loved this woman like a sister.
Time and time again, I caught Tommy's eye through the funeral. He never seemed to take his eyes off of me, occasionally flickering his eyes to Ada and back. Even as I narrowed my eyes at him, he never moved his eyes.
His eyes staring at me sent me into a whirlwind of misplaced thoughts.
Could I forgive him?
Was this forgivable?
Could I allow him into my life again?
Soon, the priest asked everyone to bow their heads to say a prayer. As everyone bowed their heads, I found myself looking to Tommy again. All throughout the prayer, we kept our eyes locked on one another.
I realized in that moment, it was too late to answer these questions.
By laying with him in the morning and agreeing to do business with him, I had already allowed him into my life doing so, I had begun the process of forgiving him.
I did not know if it was forgivable, what he had done.
But I would try to forgive him.
Because that is what love is.
As everyone raised their heads, Tommy came forward to say a few words. As he spoke, Ada began to quiver with emotion. I grasped her tight.
"I promised my friend Freddie Thorne that I'd say a few words over his grave if he should pass before me. I made this promise before he became me brother-in-law when we were in France fighting for the King."
"Amen."
"And in the end it wasn't war that took Freddie. Pestilence took him, despite the best efforts to save him. But Freddie passed on his soul and his spirit to a new generation before he was cruelly taken."
As Tommy finished his speech, I felt a lump form in my throat.
I thought about the memories of the times that I spent with their family in London before the pestilence took him.
In those rare moments, I felt like I was a part of the family again.
I ached for Ada, as she so cruelly had to experience what I had.
The death of your husband.
"I am so sorry, Ada," I whispered to her.
She turned to me, with tears in her eyes.
"Thank you for being here, Toni."
Soon, the dirt was thrown on his grave and the burial took place. We all said goodbye to Freddie Thorne.
As people began to walk away from the grave, Tommy asked Ada to speak privately. John's kids took Karl with Polly watching over. I found myself walking with Polly to pass the time. As we walked in silence, a question was burning deep inside me.
"Did you know about London, Pol?"
She turned to look at me, taking her attention away from the children. She sighed, before answering.
"Aye, I did. I don't suppose you will be returning to Small Heath, given your tone."
"Aye, you're right about that, Pol. Tommy has asked me to help him in London, when the time comes."
"If he mentioned London to you, I figured he would, though I told him what a bloody fool he was to ask you."
"I agreed to do it, Pol."
Polly looked at me as if I were as crazy as Tommy was.
Likely, I was.
"Antonina, forgive me love, but do you know what you're doing?"
I looked overhead as the crows flew across the sky above the graves. Ignoring the omen, I spoke.
"I have seen and done a lot of things in my life, Polly. I will figure it out. I always do."
She nodded, not saying another word on the subject. She turned her attention to the children, stopping them from taking flowers from the graves. Despite the disrespect, I had to smile.
How innocent it was to be a child.
Soon, Polly walked to greet Ada and Tommy, cautiously beginning conversation with Ada. I noticed that rather soon, Ada became frustrated with the conversation at hand. She walked away, towards my direction.
When she met me, I handed her a cigarette, lighting it for her. The frustrated look on her face told me that Tommy had brought up London with her.
We stood, smoking, before Ada broke the silence.
"I am taking Karl and going home to London soon. Do you plan to stay a day or two, or will you be heading back with me today?"
Looking at Tommy and Polly together in deep discussion, I realized that I couldn't leave just yet. I needed to sort a few things out before I headed back to the bakeries and my life.
"I will take the train back tomorrow. I have some loose ends to tie up here."
Despite the situation, the corner of Ada's mouth twinged.
"I am sure you do."
Turning to Ada, I gave her a hug, before bidding her goodbye for the time being.
As I walked over to Tommy and Polly, I stopped at the appearance of a man on a motorbike, driving up to the funeral party. As he talked to Arthur, a deep churning took place in my stomach.
I looked to Tommy, as Arthur began to rush to him.
As they met, I overheard the words that sent chills down my spine.
"There was an explosion. The Garrison has been burned to the ground."