Jayne peeked into the common room. Yep there he was.
Jayne licked his dry lips. Such a tiny thing to give him such an uncomfortableness.
Zoë was stroking his head, murmuring soothing things. She looked tired.
Jayne decided to watch for a while. He stood back in the shadows of the doorway. Hmm, he needed to remember to track down a new bulb for that fixture.
Whatever. He was grateful for it now.
Ai ya. Zoë'd noticed him anyway. He could tell. He felt that frozed look on his face, the one that his Ma always knew meant he'd been caught at something. Jayne forced some movement in his jaw just to prove to himself that he weren't rightly paralyzed.
"Jayne?" Zoë was firm but quiet.
Go se. She not only knew he was there, she knew who he was too.
Nothing for it. "Yeah." He stepped forward into the light.
"Was there something on your mind, Jayne?" Zoë asked, not unkindly.
His mouth opened and closed a few times.
"Jayne?" She was gentler now. "Is it about River?"
Jayne shook his head jerkily. Nope, it was all about that little bundled up thing she was holding.
Nathanial Alan Washburn.
Never figured himself for a coward before now.
Zoë stood, hitching little Nate up onto her shoulder.
Jayne held up steadying hands, as if he could keep the kid from falling from clear across the room.
"What's the problem, Jayne?" Zoë was right beside him now.
Argh. She took a hand off the kid just to put it comfortingly on his arm. Gah, what if it fell?
His widened eyes stared, mesmerized at the little downy head.
"Jayne?"
"Can I touch him?" Somehow his hand was already nearly there. He tore his eyes off the kid and looked at Zoë. "I washed my hands."
Zoë let out a little laugh. "Oh, is that all. Of course you can touch him, Jayne. Just be gentle."
Jayne never thought he'd ever get to touch someone softer than River, but little Nathanial Alan sure was that. Jayne touched him lightly, like he was made of spun glass that might shatter at any moment.
Although Jayne's mouth was so dry he didn't think he'd be able to speak, the words came out in a rush anyway.
"What about, could I hold him if I sat real still?"
Zoë smiled broadly. "Sure, Jayne, of course."
Then she actually pulled the kid away from her shoulder, ready to hand him over right away.
"No." Jayne stepped back, jaw clenched up. "I gotta sit first, Zoë."
Her lips might be solemn, but Jayne could tell Zoë was laughing at him. Too bad.
He nearly ran on his way to the couch.
"It's alright, Jayne, just support his head like this." Zoë gently arranged his arms so they wrapped around her kid.
Some part of Jayne's mind, the non-panicked back part, tried to tell him to relax, but the rest of him didn't listen much.
"That's right, Jayne, just loosen up a little. Relax." Zoë said soothingly.
"Cain't." He bit out. "Cain't drop him."
"You aren't going to drop him, Jayne."
Yep. Definitely laughing at him.
"Might if I breathe too hard." Jayne whispered.
Couldn't she tell? He was careful not to move a bit. He didn't want Zoë to think he might crush the kid either.
"How long is he gonna be so tiny?" Jayne watched as a little fist escaped the blanket and waved itself in the air. Wow.
"He is already growing." Zoë said proudly. "He's nursing really well."
Jayne could feel the blood drain from his face. "Don't need to hear about that." He muttered. "Be what? Four or five years before he'll play ball?"
"Longer." Zoë said dryly.
"Oh."
"You had enough yet?" Zoë was eyeing him strangely.
"Not unless you need him back." Jayne said tensely. He needed to get comfortable with tiny humans. Starting with this one.
"You do need to relax your shoulders or you'll be sore." Zoë said, not unkindly. "Stay right there, Jayne, I'll be back."
"What? No!" Jayne croaked, but she was already gone, halfway up the stairs.
Little Nate took that opportunity to screw up his face and start bawling.
"No." Jayne whimpered. "Don't do that, kid. Your ma will be right back, I promise. She promises. I'm sure she just…"
Just what? What kind of brand new mother left an infant with someone like him for even a second. He tried rocking gently, but decided he didn't trust that the kid wouldn't roll out of his arms.
Oh, this was a bad idea. The kid was getting louder and louder.
"Sorry kid." Jayne felt like bawling his own self. "Shoulda knowed it were a bad idea. Yer ma'll be back, I know she will. Ain't too far she coulda gone anyway."
Kid didn't seem to want to listen to that. He kept on howling.
River entered at a run.
"What?" She took in the situation. "Oh, sweetie, where did Zoë go?"
"Up." He glanced at the stairs, feeling the panic ebb. He and Nate would both be safe if River was here.
River crossed the room and took the infant from his arms.
Jayne sagged back against the couch, arms and back slowly unknotting.
Nate quieted almost immediately.
"Thanks, kid." Jayne half-laughed at the little bundle. "That makes me feel all kinds of better."
"How? Why?" River asked.
"I asked to hold him." Jayne admitted. "Bad Idea. He don't like me none. Then Zoë took off up the stairs and…" He shuddered.
River shook her head. "Babies are Readers. They can sense if you're uncomfortable. Your panic shouted across the whole ship." She looked from him to the baby in her arms and back. "You asked to hold him?"
Jayne nodded. "Dumb idea, I know that now. I just thought that if you're planning on eight of those I better learn to deal with them. Thought it would be better to start with this one since he ain't even yours. Practice, you know."
Damn, there was that smile again. The one he liked, the one that told him she liked what he'd just said. He'd been rather pleased with that string of logicalness himself until Nate had made his opinion known.
That smile made the last of his panic fade away. Jayne actually thought he might be ready to try holding the kid again. Say maybe in about five years.
But then the sight of his River holding the bitty baby started to grow on him as the hottest thing he'd seen all day. She was bouncing slightly, rocking back and forth and humming a little. Nate was gurgling happily.
River looked Jayne up and down, her evaluating face on. Coming to a decision, she slipped into his arms, bringing the kid with her.
The panic built up again, but he quashed it down. He wrapped an arm around his girl, the other hand snuck up to touch Nate's tiny little fist.
"He's so perfect." Jayne murmured reverently. "Every little piece."
Zoë strode back into the room, brandishing a long length of cloth with a buckle hanging from one end.
"I made this for Mal." Mama Zoë said, smiling at the picture they made together. "But it should fit Jayne just as well."
"Why'd you have to go off like that?" Jayne complained. "What if I'd dropped him?"
Zoë laughed. "I'm not worried about you dropping him, Jayne. Mal maybe but not you."
"But…"
"You'll do fine." Zoë soothed. "Stand up and let me put this on you."
River stood and Jayne forced himself to follow.
Zoë wrapped the cloth thing around him, buckling it over his shoulder. Then she plucked her infant from River's comforting arms, tucked him into the fold of cloth across Jayne's chest and stepped back, looking proud of herself.
"Gah!" Jayne quickly moved to support the kid with both hands.
"Relax." Zoë said. "Now you really won't drop him."
"But I ain't even sitting." Jayne protested. "He don't like me and… oh, please take him back Zoë."
Jayne's hands had fallen into his 'panic mode.' One was supporting the slight weight and the other was gently stroking the little bundle.
Nate wasn't bawling this time. It took some time for that to sink past Jayne's panic.
"The couch is still right behind you." River said gently.
Jayne looked back. Yes, he could sit…
He looked up in time to see River and Zoë exchange one of those female looks. Gorramit, they were laughing at him, weren't they.
River shook her head. "Not laughing." She curled up on the couch next to him. "You're really cute."
Jayne looked at her, horrified. "Jayne ain't cute."
"That's the truth." Zoë agreed.
River just laughed huskily. "If you want a nap, Zoë, we can handle Nate while he's quiet."
Zoë paused, considering, but exhaustion won out. She unhooked one of the square com units from her belt and set it on the table. She turned on the one still on her belt.
"Call me if… well, if anything. I…" Zoë nodded and left, going towards the passenger room she'd been using off and on for a few months now.
Jayne looked down at the infant. The cloth sling held him securely to his body. Little thing yawned, showing off a perfect little tongue and settled in.
Jayne wrapped an arm around his girl. "I guess I could get used to this. Maybe. He's so tiny, River. I feel like I'm gonna squish him."
"You're very gentle." River soothed. "And babies are harder to break than that. Just be gentle and you'll do fine."
Jayne nodded. "I think he's almost asleep."
"See, he does like you or he couldn't sleep."
"Hey, I thought you were majorly busy on the bridge." Jayne reminded her.
"Not so important that I couldn't come see what made my man so worried." She snuggled. "Just remember he can sense when you're uncomfortable."
Jayne sighed. "The thing helps. He likes it."
"You've never held a baby before?" River asked.
"Not one so tiny." Jayne smiled. "Not until she was big enough to walk. My cousin's baby. She was so sturdy. This one…"
"Is sturdier than he looks." River supplied. "As long as you're careful."
Jayne sighed and stared at the kid, who really was drifting off to sleep. "Have you watched a kid as small as this before?"
"No." River shook her head. "Not until Nate. But I have held him a lot already."
Jayne nodded, amazed at how protective this little bundle of tiny human made him feel. Maybe he really could practice this, as long as he didn't drop the kid.
He'd have to work on not dropping the kid.