So this week marks one year since I posted Chapter 1. I never expected this journey to take this long… and however long it takes to finish. Thanks to all who have kept up with this fic. I love all of you readers, even those who hide in the shadows. This experience has taught me so much about writing, and I have made so many friends along the way. So, cheers to you all.

Twilightzoner… I could never thank you enough for your continued support of this story and your dedication to continue to validate this for me. But I'll keep trying every chapter… thank you, thank you, thank you!

These characters deserve to tell their story… don't hate the messenger.

This chapter takes off from the end of chapter 24… it's still Thanksgiving for these folks. Kind of fitting for the time of year, isn't it?

Chapter 26: Gone

"Do you have any candy?" I asked.

"What? No?" he answered confused.

I opened up the car console and started digging around. "Come on? No Jollyranchers or Peppermints?"

"Bella, stop snooping. No, I don't carry around a candy store in my back pocket."

I rolled my eyes. Someone was grumpy…

"Don't roll your eyes at me," he scolded lightly.

I faced him in the car and dramatically rolled my eyes in his direction.

He finally let out a glimpse of a chuckle and dug around in his coat pocket, pulling out a semi-melted Milky Way.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, taking the candy and unwrapping its delicious gooiness. I moaned audibly as the chocolate met my tongue. "I knew you wouldn't let me down, Doc!"

"What's with the candy fetish all of a sudden, Bella?" he asked, eyes staying focused on the snow covered road.

"I'm just starving! We didn't exactly eat dinner, remember?"

Edward grumbled. Okay, probably not the best idea to bring that up. He and I were actually on our way to Dominos, picking up some pizza since the turkey was laid to rest on the dining room floor. It had been a few hours since Rosalie had walked through the door, and after she, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle talked, Edward demanded we leave to go get some food.

Personally, telling by his sour attitude, he just needed some air. I asked him if everything was okay, and he told me he was never allowing me near another man again. Something about pigs, bastards, and killing some motherfucker. His words, not mine.

Whatever Rose had said really affected Edward. He was fuming, barely breathing right, and every few seconds kept shouting a various slew of swear words. Carlisle wasn't much better. When I passed him in the hall on the way to the front door he had a tear-stricken face that looked positively destructive in its anger. Esme stayed permanently attached to Rosalie, refusing to let her go, the only words escaping her lips were, "I'm sorry," and "I love you."

I had no idea what happened in there, but it affected all of the Cullens.

"Do you want me to distract you?" I asked, mouth still full of candy bar.

"Bella, no offense, but I really don't want to think about sex right now."

"Sex? Where did you get that idea? I was going to sing Christmas songs to you. Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree!" I began in my best Sinatra voice.

I saw a hint of a smile, so I continued. "How are thy leaves so permanent!"

He laughed. "It's verdant, not permanent."

"What are you talking about?"

"The lyrics. You got them wrong."

"Pssh, what you talking 'bout, Willis?"

He took my hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing my cold skin gently. "I really do love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Santa Baby."

"Santa Baby?"

"Yup, totally going to call you that for the rest of the holiday season."

He chuckled again. "Whatever you want, Bella."

"So does that mean you're going to hurry down my chimney tonight?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

"What does that even mean?"

"Oh, you know what it means."

"Bella, I will never just hurry down your chimney, which is a terrible sexual innuendo, might I add." He looked over at me seriously since we were stopped at a red light. "I will always cherish your chimney. I will never, ever take it for granted, nor will any of the little fucker elves get a ride down it either."

I blinked a few times. "I'm not sure I'm following ya, Santa."

"I will never do to you what happened to my sister, okay?"

"I don't know what happened to her, Edward."

"I'm just promising you that, okay." Tears were now springing from his eyes.

"Okay," I agreed, kissing him softly. The light changed to green, putting an end to the conversation.

Something was going on in his head; sadness and regret danced solemnly behind his beautiful green eyes. He held onto my hand tightly, refusing to let me go. The rest of the night he stayed glued to my side, looking at me every free chance he got. I tried to lighten things up after we got back to his house, but something was eating at him, and no matter how many Christmas carols I tried to sing or jokes I tried to tell, he stayed serious, only sparing a small smile at my failed attempts.

When it was finally time to head upstairs for bed, Edward followed, just a step behind me.

"Edward?" I finally asked when we got back into his room. He shut and locked the door, keeping the light on and turning around to look at me. His hand went straight to his hair, pulling on it nervously.

I walked up to him, trying to console him. He pushed me away slightly.

"I need to talk to you about something, Bella. It's been eating at me all night."

"Okay…" I prompted, taking a seat on the large bed. He began to pace back and forth in front of me, taking a while to finally speak.

"Bella, when we were in the car, and I promised that I would always cherish your chimney, as soon as I said it, I felt like a total ass."

"What? Why?"

He held up his hand. "Just let me finish, okay?"

"Okay…"

"I didn't know you in high school, hell, I didn't know myself. I was a terrible person who never gave anyone a second thought. I was cruel, disrespectful, arrogant, and I hurt you and everyone around me. I was destructive. I know that now, and I can look back on my childhood and see the changes in myself. I know it's hard for you to think about Jane, it's still hard for me, but I like to think that she changed me. Things with her were the extreme opposite of the life I lived before hand. But… God, Bella, this is so hard to say.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Our night at the reunion, God, Bella, I attacked you! I didn't cherish you! I didn't love you. I became an animal, I took you, I ravished you, and I'm so sorry. After hearing what happened to my sister tonight, I am sick with myself for what I did to you. You didn't deserve that. No one deserves that. I retreated to my old self when I saw you, becoming obsessive and out of control. It was extreme…everything with you has been extreme. And it was so unfair to you. I swear to you, Bella, that was never my intention. I truly did want to court you and make love to you, not fuck you up against the wall. My behavior was inexcusable, and this is me saying I'm sorry. This is me begging for your forgiveness, because even if you can't see it, or if you deny it, I am the biggest fucker on the planet for treating you that way. I knew better, but yet, that didn't stop me."

He got down on his knees in front of me, his eyes pleading.

"Please, Bella, please accept my apology. I promise never to treat you that way again. I know it was a long time ago, but I feel sick about it. I'm so sorry," he sobbed.

Holy shit. What was this? My mind couldn't keep up with his confession. I never thought of our reunion night as an attack. I wanted it just as much as he did. It was a compulsion, a raw, intense need between us. It has been since that fateful night. Things with Edward were never conventional; we were both really messed up in a lot of ways, and each of us had our own issues. I never even thought to compare his purity-until-marriage with Jane against our night together at the reunion. I guess I could see his point, but it wasn't his fault. It was both of ours.

But I guess he had his demons, and I had my own.

I got off the bed and got on my knees before him, grabbing a hold of him and bringing his body to mine. He wrapped his arms around me and tucked his head into the crook of my neck, his sobs wracking his body. I hadn't seen him this defeated since my dad's passing.

He clung to me, whispering apologizes in my ear between shattered breaths. I tried reassuring him, tried to tell him it was okay. I told him that I loved him, and that our past is just that… ours. It didn't need to be compared against anyone else's, not to his and Jane's and not to Rosalie's.

I stoked his back and grazed my nails through his hair. Eventually he calmed down, his heavy weight resting almost completely against my small frame. I tried to stand up, and when he got the hint of what I was doing, he held on to me tighter, shaking his head.

"Come on, baby, please," I said. He finally released me and I pulled him up to his feet. I started removing his clothing, following with my own. His face looked so broken, so haunted. I pulled the covers back and climbed into the big space with Edward following. He lay beside me, and I pulled the covers around us, tucking myself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed my forehead.

"I never want to be without you again, Bella," he whimpered softly. "Please don't leave me."

I kissed his chest and nodded my head, sleep claiming us shortly after that.

I woke up a few hours later to a brightly lit room. Edward and I never turned out the room light before climbing into bed, and now I was up at,ugh, 2:58 a.m., because of it. I gently removed myself from a passed out Edward and covered myself in one of his T-shirts and sweat pants.

I decided to go to the kitchen and get some water before heading back to bed, and I was surprised to see Esme sitting at the counter when I got down there.

I tried not to frighten her when I walked in, but she jumped anyway.

"Oh, Bella, what are you still doing up?" she asked hoarsely, her emotions displayed all over her face.

"I just came to get some water," I said, heading to the cabinet to get a glass. "Would you like some?"

"How about some tea?" she asked instead. "I can start the kettle."

I smiled warmly. "That sounds great."

She got off the stool and began the tea while I sat on the stool beside hers.

"So what are you doing up at this hour?" I asked her, resting my tired head on my perched fist on the counter.

"A lot on my mind, that's all," she said with a thick voice.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

She sighed heavily, rubbing her own tired, bloodshot eyes. I could tell she was trying to contain her tears, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

With a shaky breath, she began, "I'm a terrible mother, Bella."

"What? Esme, no!"

"I let it happen, all of it. I didn't push, I didn't go to her. I didn't look for her. I reasoned with myself, telling myself that I was just giving her space, that I shouldn't suffocate her, and yet, this happened. I have a granddaughter! A granddaughter!"

Whoa, didn't expect that one.

The tears broke through her carefully placed demeanor. "And my Rosie is so hurt, so scarred from the path that life led her down. I hate myself for making her think that she couldn't come to me. My one job as a mom was to always be there for my children, and I failed… miserably."

"Esme, you didn't fail. You did what you thought was best. You had no idea what was going on in her life. She knew she could have always come home and she didn't. Don't blame yourself."

"There's no one else to blame beside me, Bella."

"That's not true and you know it," I tried to reason. "We all make our own decisions, and we have to live by those choices. Rosalie made hers and she is living by them."

She took another shaky deep breath, wiping away the continuing tears that streamed down her beautiful face. "I don't know how to fix things…to fix her," she admitted.

"Just be there, Esme. Don't ever leave her."

I think realization finally dawned on her. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…"

I shook my head. "I wasn't referring to my own mom, really. She made her choices as well."

Esme came over to where I was sitting and wrapped her arms tightly around me. "I will always be here for you, Bella. No matter what, okay? I won't fail you."

I hugged her back tightly. "That's because you're a great mom…to all of your children."

She started crying again. This was the second Cullen crying in my arms tonight. Whatever happened to Rosalie must have been incredibly traumatic if it has had this affect on her family.

"What's going on?" I heard a deep, tired voice from the entrance of the kitchen and glanced to see Edward standing there, rubbing his eyes. Esme left my arms to go hug her son. He hugged her back but looked at me confused.

"We were just talking," I explained.

"Why are you crying, Mom?" He gently stroked her back and kissed the top of her head. She continued with the tears.

"Bella, can I have a second with my mom?"

"Sure," I replied, standing up from my chair and grazing Edward's arm encouragingly as I made my way back upstairs. I waited in bed for him, lights off and covers wrapped tightly around me. It was going on four a.m. when the door squeaked opened and my doc tiptoed through.

"I'm still awake," I whispered, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Shit, Bella," he panted.

"Sorry," I said, laughing lightly.

He climbed into bed with me and scooted close, embracing me with all that was Edward. "I woke up without you earlier; I nearly had a heart attack."

"Why? That's ridiculous."

"Bella, the last thing we talked about before going to bed was how you were never going to leave me, and I wake up and you're gone."

"Oh, Edward," I ran my hand up and down his back. "I was just downstairs."

"Yes, but try convincing that to a coma-stricken Edward…it did not go over well."

I laughed and held him closer. "Is everything okay with your mom? With Rose?"

He sighed. "Not really… but it will be."

"Did you know that Rose had a daughter?"

He took a second to respond. "Yeah, I knew… but I didn't know exactly how she came about. I've never met her… I want to, but Rose won't let me. I have to respect Rosalie in the decisions she makes for her life, and for her child's."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"You are very understanding, Bella."

I laughed without humor. "Not really… I can be pretty stubborn and unreasonable."

"Not in my eyes, baby."

"You have a lot to learn about me, then, Edward."

"I think we still have a lot to learn about each other," he said seriously.

His somber tone really struck something within me. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He pulled back so he could look at me in the eyes, the light from the window providing just enough illumination to see each other's features. "Bella, things are going to be different with us from now on, okay. I'm serious about this… with us. You aren't just another girl to me… I love you, you know that already, but I'm going to really pursue you now, give you everything I have."

"Edward, why are you so serious tonight? This is our second big talk in a span of only a few hours… what has gotten into you?"

He sighed, stroking my cheek gently. "Are you serious about us?" he asked.

"Of course I am."

"You're sure you want to be with me."

"Yes, of course. We've been together for months now."

"Then we need to figure things out."

"Like what? I thought we were working."

"We are working… when were together. Not when we're on opposite sides of the continent."

"Edward, we really shouldn't be having this conversation right now. It's the middle of the night."

"Then when is a better time to have it? Because I'm tired of living away from you. The fact that you're leaving in a few days doesn't help things much. Our lives are right now… this moment. You said you were serious, well, I'm serious, too. I want you, Bella. No one else… you are it for me."

"I'm not making any irrational decisions about our future tonight, though. You know I love you… please, don't push me."

"Don't push you?" His voice began to escalate. "I've done nothing but be patient with you."

"What exactly are you asking me, Edward? Are you asking me to move to Seattle? I don't see how that's really fair." My voice rose to match the level of his.

"What's not fair is you keeping me at arm's length, avoiding this topic whenever I try to bring it up," he shot back.

"When have you brought it up! This is the first time you've ever mentioned this!"

"Bella, I've hated the long distance… you knew this!"

"It's not like I'm a big fan of it either, but what do you expect me to do?"

"I want you to move for me."

"Why do I have to be the one to move? Who says you can't move to New York?"

"I can't leave the hospital."

"Why not?"

"I have a practice there… all my work over the years… I can't give up on Jane like that."

"Jane, really? You're going to bring her into this?"

"Don't go there, Bella!"

"What? Why not, Edward. You spew this crap about how I won't let you in, but you know what? You can't let go of Jane. You're never going to be able to. But guess what, Edward? You're never going to move forward with me if you can't separate yourself from the past."

"I have separated myself, Bella! What the hell do you expect me to do? She was my wife!"

"I know exactly who she was, Edward. You've made it pretty damn clear!"

"Bella, I'm lying here, telling you that I want a future with you, that I want you to move to Seattle with me… and you say I can't move forward? I think that's a pretty pathetic excuse to hang on to your own demons."

"Oh, you really have nerve, Edward. I've faced my demons, I came to Seattle and saw Charlie, I stuck through with him until his death, and I didn't give up on you just because he died."

"Yeah, what about your mom? Remember that time you told me you wanted to look for her? Whatever happened to that?"

"It doesn't matter! I changed my mind!"

"Really? Is that why you still won't talk about her. I think you're scared. You won't commit to me fully because you're still afraid that I'll do the same thing she did. Or better yet, that you'll do what she did."

"Stop," I warned seriously. "Take it back."

"No, Bella, it's the fucking truth."

I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed.

"There you go, running away!"

"Fuck you, Edward!"

"No, Bella, because guess what? I found her! I went and I found her. I met her and I saw her. I talked to her, and I saw everything."

"You did what!" I exclaimed.

"She has a new family, Bella, a daughter, that looks just like you."

It was like my heart was breaking all over again. "You're lying."

"Not in the slightest," he spat.

"Why would you do that?" My voice did little to mask my coming tears.

"I did it so I could find out why she left. I did it for you, Bella."

"I didn't want you to!" I yelled, anger suddenly overtaking sadness. "This is my past, my mother! You had no right to intrude!"

"Bella, I want a life with you, and you won't have one with me until you figure this shit out with your mom. She left… years ago! You need to stop acting like a petulant child and go face her."

"I didn't leave, Edward! I'm not the one who abandoned their family, so why is it my fucking responsibility to go find her?"

"So you can move on with your life already!"

"God, I'm so fucking sick of you telling me to move on with my life. Take your own goddamned advice!"

"I told you! I moved on!"

"Really? Is that why Jane's paintings hang all over your fucking apartment? Is that why you automatically dispose of every option of leaving the hospital? I'm constantly living in her shadow, Edward, and you fucking know it."

"You will never be her, Bella."

There. Right there. I knew it all along. "Then why even try?" I surrendered. I pushed my hands through my hair and held them to my head for a second. "You know what," I began, "I'm going to sleep in the guest room tonight, and I'll be gone in the morning."

"What the hell do you mean you'll be gone?"

"You fucking heard me. You lied; you went behind my back and did something that was none of your business. You sit there and point the finger at me, but you have three pointing back at you! I refuse to continue to invest myself into someone who will never be able to give himself fully to me. And you know what? Maybe I can never give myself over to you fully, either. And if that's the case then all of this is just a big fucking waste of time."

"Yeah, I guess it is, then," he spat angrily. "So, please… go on… leave. You're probably a fucking expert at it since it must be hereditary."

I groaned in annoyance and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

Sleep didn't come very easily, but in the morning… I was gone.

A/N:

As I said above, don't hate the messenger. This was coming… these kids are like fireworks when they get offended. This story is taking its last few laps, and hopefully the chapters won't take too long. It won't be easy for them here on out… these stubborn little shits have a lot to work out. Don't give up on them, though. They will get their well earned happily ever after… eventually.

Please review… promised preview for reviewers.