The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction: Semester Two

Part I

"There is something seriously wrong with this place."

That was an understatement, even on the most boring mornings at the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction.

"Why don't we run this morning through the checklist?" Megan the alien asked, propping her chin on her arms. Next to her, her mermaid girlfriend Lucia Verdas giggled like a squirrel on helium. "Any stampedes?"

"Check," Hotaru yawned from across the North American table. The dining hall at IAHF had tables placed as if they were continents on a map – or at least, the students had started labelling the tables as that. The North American table was primarily the USUK table, but some non-USUKers (like Megan, who hated the pairing as much as she loved hanging with her friends who liked it) occasionally joined them.

"Where was it?" Jennifer Chang (or Lily, but no one ever called her that) asked curiously, clutching her mug of tea as if her life depended on it. Members of the Royal Society of Tea Drinkers tended to do that in the mornings.

"Just in front of the Italian Corridor," Hotaru replied, nodding in the direction of the dining hall doors. "Some of the America Adorers came across Chibimerica and his rabbit. It wasn't pretty."

"What happened to Chibimerica?" Merka Breigher demanded, popping up from her dozing on Kriss Kross (who was anti-USUK, but very pro-UKUS and Asakiku). "Was he harmed in any way? If I get my hands on those fangirls –"

"I'd be more worried about the America Adorers, if I were you," Hotaru replied. "They'll be scraping those poor girls off the walls for a week."

A shudder ran through the group. "Next item on the list, then," Megan said immediately. "Any attempts to sneak into the Staff Section?"

"Check," Loki Shadow Reave said, pausing by their table on her way to the buffet line. Breakfast was crumpets, porridge, and toast with marmalade; the England pairings were having their food fight at dinner later. "I heard Mitsuki Horenake tried to sneak into Feliciano's room. She's still trying to get bits of Itary out of her hair." The Shadow demon pointed across the room at Mitsuki, who was indeed pulling Mochi bits out of her black hair.

Mochi Nations guarded the Staff Section and its occupants. If provoked, it would take ages to get bits of them out of hair, clothing, and various exposed orifices. Jennifer had once gotten on Ingland's bad side, and had been unsuccessful for a week in pulling bits of the angry British Mochi out of her ears. It wasn't pretty.

"So we've got that. Any new Mochis?"

"Check – I think I saw a new Lithuania Mochi and a new Finland Mochi," Karen Elaine DuLay piped up as she walked past with a box. "Torris and Timo."

"What's in the box?" Kriss asked. "Not more cookies for Ludwig, I hope? We're up to what now… a hundred?"

"Ninety-nine," Karen replied proudly. "He'll see the light eventually."

The other girls looked at each other and shook their heads. The chances of Ludwig Beilschmidt seeing the light were about as likely as the chances of Feliciano Vargas renouncing pasta were.

"Fine, what about the last on the list?" Megan had taken out a laundry list and was crossing things off already. "Ivan and Alfred having some sort of competition?"

Everyone snorted. "Check," they all said in unison.

"I don't know how, but they somehow figured out that they should pull a leaf from your and Lucia's book and have a 'let's see who can make the most obnoxious sex noises' competition at two in the morning," Jennifer groaned, flicking a wary glance at Tori Troutman. The African-American girl had a tape recorder and was looking unnaturally gleeful.

"Was that what all the noise was about?" little Anita Khok asked from the Asia table. "I thought Alfred was getting tortured or something, what with all the screaming."

"Oh, I hope he and Arthur finally realised that their feelings for each other are far from platonic," Karin Guarez sighed happily. She usually sat with the Nerd Group at the Australia table, but today she had been in a very USUK mood for some reason.

"I don't think Alfred and Ivan were being serious, since they started insulting each other at four-thirty," Jennifer pointed out, as Megan started humming 'Ninety-Nine Nations Lined Up on the Wall'. This version of the traditional song about beer bottles was far more risqué.

"Megan, you know we don't want to suck any Nations off," Rachael Wilkison grumbled as she passed by, her cheeks bright scarlet.

"You're just in denial," Megan taunted, sticking her tongue out at the other girl.

"But seriously, though," Jennifer sighed, diverting the group's attention away from Megan's lewd suggestions. "There is something different happening. It's like… I think there are…"

The door opened and in came some unfamiliar faces. Well, largely unfamiliar. Two or three of the students recognised some of them.

"Oh my god, who let you in here?" Karen gasped, ducking behind her fellow Ludwig fangirl Kiri Olaveja.

"Who are you talking about, Karen?" Kiri asked curiously.

"Him!" Karen raised a trembling hand, pointing to a little cherubic figure who was fluttering above the crowd and grinning wickedly. "Aloisio Guerra!"

"Why, you seem to have met your mortal fear," Kiri commented dryly. "Congratulations."

"Shut up and hide me!"

As Carolina Brown ran up and greeted a girl with dark green hair, Jennifer observed the group with a slight frown on her face. "New students, I suppose?" she asked Kriss, who nodded.

"Yeah, I guess," the Asakiku fangirl said with a shrug. "See anyone you recognise?"

Jennifer's frown deepened as she scrutinised the group. Emmanuella Escatara, who had a little horn on her head for jokingly putting down 'one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater' on her form, was greeting a boy who looked almost like her except with red eyes, short curly hair, and a rather strained expression on his face. Jennifer watched them for a moment, but then she noticed another boy standing awkwardly next to the curly-haired boy.

He had light hair, ruddy cheeks, and looked ridiculously familiar.

"Oh my fucking god, hide me," Jennifer hissed, diving under the table. Kriss frowned and peered underneath the table at her.

"Why? What's wrong with that boy? He looks British," Kriss's voice trailed off dreamily.

"He is British," Jennifer replied shortly.

"How would you know?" Kriss wondered, eyes lighting up in interest.

"He's my ex."

Alexander Morris wasn't quite sure how he got in here. All he had been doing was getting high off sugar at his friend Vance's house, and now he was here at some random school.

Apparently, some bad-tempered English wanker named Arthur Kirkland (the name rang a bell, but Alexander really had no idea why) had showed up at midnight with a disapproving scowl and a form for him to fill out. Being hyper, Alexander had filled it out accordingly, not listening to Arthur's lecture on why he shouldn't write something called 'fanfiction' (another bell) about something called 'Axis Powers Hetalia' (yet another bell) while under the influence of sugar. Alexander may have been too hyper to recall, but he did write a fanfic while doped up on sugar.

It was revenge, after all. Why did that Asian chick dump him, anyways?

Alexander's blue-green eyes scanned the room. There didn't seem to be anyone familiar. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful. It would be like seventh grade again, when he walked into advisement and watched the others exclude him. Just because he was the new boy. Just because he was the British boy.

Well, now he seemed to be surrounded by more Americans – maybe one Australian; he had heard that accent enough times to recognise it – and the majority of them seemed to be girls. And everyone knows the power the Sexy British Accent held over American girls.

Alexander thought it wouldn't be too bad, then, since there was that one cute chick with short brown hair and glasses looking at him interestedly. She whispered something to a girl with longer brown hair and freckles, and both started giggling and blushing. As if his body knew that he was being talked about (probably with some mental undressing, too, if the predatory gazes of the first girl meant anything), Alexander felt his cheeks turning red.

The first girl then looked under the table and seemed to be telling someone something. Whoever was under the table swatted at her, causing the girl to laugh.

Finally deciding that he probably should eat breakfast, Alexander walked towards the buffet line and skipped the crumpets (scones weren't bad, but crumpets definitely were), ladling the familiar-looking porridge and toast onto a plate and walking over to the table with those two girls.

"May I sit here?" he asked politely. The two girls looked at each other, eyes lighting up.

"Why certainly," the second girl said in a horribly fake British accent (sounded like a mix between the 'posh' accent and the 'BBC' accent). "Do take a seat with us. What's your name?" She seemed to ask the question as if she already knew the answer.

"Alexander," he replied, and the girls grinned simultaneously.

"Brilliant, another Alex! We've about three girl Alexes, not counting that Mary Sue, and now you!" The first girl's fake British accent was somehow even worse. It sounded as if the 'Bostonian' accent had a love child with the 'posh' accent.

"I'm sure there are more pressing matters," the table suddenly said – or rather, that person that the first girl had been talking to under the table said. "Not that the Mary Sue isn't much of a pressing matter, but…"

Alexander poked his head under the table and blinked at the very familiar girl there. Shit.

"Oh, hello there," Jennifer Chang said weakly, waving. "Fancy seeing you here."

"More students," Mr. Allen (his alter-ego, Mr. Hugh, had refused to come out ever since the trial three days ago) groaned as he seated himself at the table. "Welcome to a new semester, folks."

"Technically, we're on break until after New Year's," Francis Bonnefois pointed out sweetly.

"Well, I don't care. New students, new semester. Let's get everything straight with the course schedule, okay? With new students, the courses get more complicated to schedule. All I am certain of is that each student must complete three semesters at this Academy before obtaining their license."

"Well, throwing them in with the current students would lead to confusion. I say we put our useless clones to work as teachers," Arthur Kirkland grumbled.

"Terrible idea, rosbif," Francis replied, but he seemed to only say it because of his principles. He never agreed with Arthur before, so why should he begin now? And Arthur looked cuter when he was all flustered and angry…

"Unhelpful frog," Arthur snapped.

Ludwig Beilschmidt sent them a warning glare. "In any case, the language lessons are continuing on two levels, then. We'll drop the cooking class so that the new students can have their language class in the afternoon."

"Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping that I could teach some more," Antonio Fernández Carriedo lamented.

"Antonio, teaching does not equal 'plying the students with wine and watching them attempt to make Spanish cuisine while drunk'," Roderich Edelstein chastised.

Ivan Braginski piped up. "Since Arthur's taking over the History classes for me, I can teach History to the new students." Arthur was covering the Age of Empire, beginning with Napoleon and ending with the decline of the British Empire after World War Two. He seemed enthusiastic about the subject and was constantly writing and rewriting lesson plans.

Ludwig nodded, making notes on the schedule. "And as for Canon 101, I fear that we have no choice but to split." That he directed at Feliciano Vargas and Kiku Honda.

"Feli-kun and I can take over for the older students, Ludwig-san," Kiku replied politely. "You may handle the new students."

"I never knew you were this cunning, but I'll take the challenge," the German bit back. Kiku smiled innocently.

"What about Platonic Love and Mythology?" Elisabeta Héderváry piped up. "And Geography?"

"Royal Air Force Arthur and Aviator Alfred are teaching Platonic love, and Norway will still teach Mythology. Geography will be on Friday for the new students, as per usual," Mr. Allen replied. "And the older students will have 'What's in a Name' for their Friday class."

"May I be the first, aru?" Yao demanded, standing up. "Everyone confuses my names, aru."

Mr. Allen nodded. "Certainly, Yao, you may be the first guest speaker." He turned to Workbitch Bartholomew, his ridiculously-named secretary. "How are plans going for the Christmas party?"

"Quite smoothly," Workbitch replied, smoothing his slicked-back dark hair and smiling impassively. "Have you received any new dispatches?"

"The usual update on…" Mr. Allen coughed uncomfortably. "But besides that, nothing." Workbitch raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

The door to the room opened and Gilbert Beilschmidt came prancing in. "I finally finished all of these fics for Tino and Berwald!" he exclaimed, grinning mischievously.

"Which fics?" Tino Väinämöinen asked confusedly from his spot next to Berwald Øxenstierna. The two were obviously trying to play a discreet game of footsie under the table.

"The ones the students wrote about themselves."

"Oh, right, the ones you've been hoarding from the rest of us," Elisabeta complained, pouting. "We assigned them!"

"But they've been too awesome for sharing!" Gilbert whined.

"Share with us over Christmas, and we'll drop the subject," Vash Zwingli, ever the stormy peacemaker, snapped.

"Sounds like a plan!" Gilbert grinned.

Mr. Allen smiled from behind the schedule, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You've finally returned," the elleth said, unamusedly arching a fine eyebrow. "What took you so long, Alexandra?"

"Apologies, Lilith, but I was stuck in the Conservatory."

"And how did you get out, you brainless scum?" Lilith looked down her nose at Alexandra Bonnefoy, the cat-girl Mary Sue who had been responsible for the infamous Glitter Bomb incident at IAHF.

"A little help." Alexandra shrugged. "I have information for you regarding the defences of the Academy, though."

"Spill," Lilith snapped, hurling the word like a poisoned knife.

"Certainly, Lilith."

"Call me 'your Majesty' while you're at it." Lilith smirked, like a cat. "I like the sound of 'your Majesty'."

Alexandra mentally rolled her eyes. "Yes, your Majesty."

Notes: Well, the new semester's technically kicking off, then! I'm only really plotting a bunch of relationship dramallama for this semester, so if someone has an interesting plotline that they'd like to do (I'm toying with ideas of a Student Council), feel free to share.

Also, I appreciate all the side notes on certain students, but I find them rather... well, it's kinda narrowing for me. I write the students with the vibe that I get from them in their registration forms. So please, don't give me extra information on your character unless I ask you to.

Ta muchly. Fun fact: Alexander really is Jen's ex, if you know what I mean.