AN: Music for this chapter (on repeat): When The Doves Cry by Quidon Tarver from Romeo & Juliet Soundtrack, Cosmic Love by Florence & The Machine, How You Remind Me by Nickelback, Stay by Michelle Featherstone.

TWENTY-SIX

o

Irina was elated that her daughter had finally come to see her but also knew she had to be methodical in how she dealt with the situation. Her instincts had been right. That Sydney wouldn't pull the alarm and come to her just as she had when she was a child and didn't listen. Reminding Sydney, every chance she could, she was her mother.

She knew that Sydney stood at the glass staring at her and she waited only a moment before turning to face her daughter.

"You didn't pull the alarm." Irina finally spoke telling Sydney she knew exactly why she was here.

Seeing her daughter's eyes dart to the floor out of shame, she couldn't hide the tiny smile gracing her lips that even though twenty-one years had passed, Sydney was still the same. The last time she looked away in shame, when being confronted by her, was when she was caught in a lie about brushing her teeth before bed the week she had been extracted.

"I wouldn't of pulled it either." She smiled standing before Sydney only inches away and separated by glass.

The statement was said with a double intent, to show Sydney that she wasn't upset with her and to remind her, of how much they were alike.

Sydney went straight into questioning but Irina still had questions of her own before they spoke of business, first and foremost being, how Sydney was healing after she shot her… Something that continually plagued her mind, heart and what was left of her soul.

With Sydney's refusal to answer, she obliged and answered her question not wanting to push her further then she was ready for. Looking over her daughter, Sydney's cheeks were pink and healthy and it appeared that she had run to wherever it was the CIA was holding her prisoner, a good sign that she must have been healing well… and not sick with the effects of the Rambaldi fluid. That was enough for now and she breathed a small sigh of relief. She could see the anger and resentment lingering in Sydney's eyes and the demands and confrontation about the information she was providing alluded to the struggle within for Sydney in facing her.

"Trust me."

"Why should I do that?" Sydney challenged with her anger burning bright staring straight into Irina's eyes looking for some truth.

"Because I'm your mother." She answered in a softer tone, giving her the one truth she could, the only one that mattered and needed in forging ahead to gain her daughter's trust again.

She caught the surprise in Sydney's eyes before she turned to leave and when the last gate closed, she went back to the window, hugging herself with a twist of feelings going on inside, blinking back tears she would not let fall at seeing Sydney again.

Irina's heart twisted painfully once more watching Sydney onscreen breakdown in the hall just outside the cells, crying after their first encounter, so upset. Her eyes filled with unshed tears and she smiled to her right, when she and Sydney both, simultaneously squeezed each other's hands in support at looking back to those painful first meetings.

Sydney's trip to Helsinki flew by, cut intermittently with Irina's debrief of 'silence' that caused more then a few to chuckle at her form sitting there in silence as they asked question after question. Silence once again took over the theatre when Sydney charged into the cells standing in front of the glass and confronting Irina.

Hearts were cringing at Sydney's harshness onscreen, especially Sydney's herself who seemed to shrink in her chair an inch and grimacing at the biting words of 'you, are not my mother.'

When Sydney left Irina alone again in the cell onscreen, Lena's voice came on to narrate the reason Irina was smiling.

"As much as it pained me to hear Sydney declaring I was not her mother, I was delighted as well, to see my daughter's fierce determination to separate the two in her mind. It meant that she still felt something for me, in some way, for the image of the mother she remembered and in trying to separate us, hold on to the part of me she knew only as 'Laura,' instead of believing it all a lie and casting me completely aside, I knew my chances for gaining Sydney's trust back were much greater now. Somewhere inside, Sydney still loved me even if she didn't know it, and I would prove to her that no matter how hard she wanted to separate the images of me, I was her mother, the same mother she knew and loved then… 'still must love' now on some level or she wouldn't still be holding on to the image of me as 'Laura.' I was also proud of Sydney, for being so forceful with me, for standing up for herself and 'trying' to take control of the situation. My daughter's courage and strength were admirable and she had become the woman I had always known she'd be."

Sydney turned to look at Irina with teary surprised eyes. At first she was a bit stunned to see her mother had appeared amused after she had left when finished with her tirade of demanding she was not her mother but hearing 'why,' almost took her breath away. Her mother had known, then, able to see so clearly where she had not until that night she spoke with her father on the porch-swing talking about why they had wanted to separate the images of Laura and Irina as a way to hold onto the love and life they remembered.

When she had gone to see her mother, Sydney had been exhausted from her mission. Now, she felt wide awake, tired of laying in her bed for hours staring at the ceiling she got dressed and went to Union Station where she always did her best thinking.

*When The Doves Cry*

Only a few passengers were waiting for their early morning trains when she arrived, sitting in the far corner near the exit to the gardens she curled her feet under her. Her mother's words kept ringing through her head, 'You didn't pull the alarm.'

And Sydney hated herself for feeling badly about disappointing her mother…constantly trying to remind herself that this woman was not her mother. The mother she remembered was gone and she wouldn't let this 'woman' into that space. But the looks, the tone of her voice, the way she put her hair behind her ear were all the same…

Dixon had said that pushing her hair behind her ear was 'her thing,' but was it really? Or did she inherit it from her mother? The image of Irina pushing her hair behind her ear kept repeating through her mind. And why had she asked about how her shoulder was doing? She didn't care…she shouldn't care!

Sydney felt her anger rising. She was the one who shot me! Now, she asks concerned like a mother… when she told me she wished she had killed me when I was born! No, she was not her mother. Not this woman. This woman was a monster and a means to an end.

'She left me. She didn't want me. She abandoned me… left me all alone. How could any mother do that?' Sydney kept repeating in her head, trying to convince herself not to let 'this' woman get to her.

She was tired. Tired of being wrong. Tired of feeling the way she did.

She couldn't please her father, he was furious with her for even speaking with her mother… and it was clear, or at least she thought it was, that she was a disappointment to her mother. Something else that angered her for even feeling badly about it…she should care how her mother felt or be upset she disappointed her! The smile and "I wouldn't have pulled it either," remark left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Why would her mother say that? Ask about her shoulder? Was her father right? Was this all a manipulation? It had to be.

The harsh words in Taipei rang loudly through her heart as well as the sound of the gunshot and exploding pain in her shoulder. But in Barcelona… that didn't make sense either… why would she save her from Khasinau, her own partner?

Why would she let her live and then tell her Truth Takes Time? What was that supposed to mean? What truth? And why would she only speak with her? Not with any other agent?

"Trust me… because I'm your mother…." Sydney felt a chill run down her spine and hugged her arms more tightly to her chest.

Conflicting images and flashes of the two images Sydney held of her mother ran through her mind at war with one another just as her feelings were as she tried to further separate and understand.

The loving images of the mother she remembered, the smiles and laughter, the hugs and kisses of 'Laura' battling with the harsh words, looks and gunfire of 'Irina.'

When a woman with long dark hair… so much like her mother's, sat next to Sydney, cradling a sleeping little girl to her chest with a smile and loving caresses and soft whispers to the child stirring slightly in her sleep, Sydney couldn't take anymore as flashes of her own childhood before her mother died, no… left her, ran painfully through her mind. She felt the tears burning in her eyes as she gave the woman a soft smile and quickly left… turning into a full blown run once she cleared the entrance doors.

Running as hard as she could onscreen all the way to Credit Dauphine, a painful montage continuing to surge through her, tearing at her feelings it was clear as the tears kept streaking and Sydney ran harder.

Irina felt the painful sting of guilt in her heart seeing what Sydney had gone through, the torment and conflict as she tried so hard to separate the images of her mother in her mind. Trying so hard to understand and struggle through the pain, adamantly trying to find her strength and resolve to 'hate' the woman who took her beloved mother away.

Jack appeared next onscreen sitting in Barnett's office wanting to devise a strategy to keep Sydney away from her mother. Watching himself on the screen now, and remembering his motives, Jack lightly squeezed Irina's hand with his now sweating palms.

Sydney still couldn't believe her father had gone to Barnett to help manipulate her and watched with fascinated wonder, and relief, she realized, that Barnett hadn't helped her father… even though he was successful on his own in coming up and executing his plan.

The thought sent an immediate shiver racing down her spine and Vaughn felt it holding her hand beside her. He gave her a small smile of comfort glancing down where she was running her hand nervously over her little belly, and then to Irina doing the same with her much larger one.

All of them feeling the anxiety knowing what events this conversation with Barnett put into motion,

"Irina Derevko is an opportunistic sociopath, who will use whatever inroads she can make with my daughter to get what she wants!"

When Jack onscreen slipped, and called her 'Laura' a small gasp came out of both Sydney and Irina… hearing now more then ever the separation Jack was also fighting for in his mind with her. It was obvious to them, that Jack was just as surprised at being caught, still calling her Laura. The deer in headlights look and heavy breathing showed only a glimmer of the raging emotions within.

Sydney returned again to Irina's cell after learning of Sark's plans to launch the satellite and Ann was struck again as the camera moved through the corridor and gates to the glass cell just exactly how much it did remind her of keeping a caged animal in a zoo to be looked at and studied, held captive against their will… only Irina, was the picture of relaxation with her back to the camera, apparently meditating.

Sydney onscreen, it was clear, was equally fascinated by her mother's calm and wondering about what it was she was doing. Irina seemed to read her mind, and answered her without question.

"I can teach it to you, Sydney," Irina turned gently speaking softly and trying yet again to get through to her daughter.

"I told you, when we speak you are to address me as Agent Bristow." Sydney replied forcefully unnerved that her mother not only read her mind, but that she was being so 'calm' and 'okay' with this situation.

Brushing her hair behind her ear just as she did, temporarily caused a skip in the mantra of 'she's not my mother' running a constant loop inside her head as she battled to make it the truth.

"Oh…ouch!" Weiss hissed under his breath witnessing the stinging words of condemnation between the two and Irina's nod of acceptance.

Irina nodded in acceptance but was nowhere near giving up. Sydney was stubborn, as was she, and she would keep trying in another way to get through to her daughter…remind her, that 'she' was her mother…

Irina smiled and almost laughed at Sydney's rundown of Sark's plans to launch the satellite, throwing in, "I doubt this is news to you." She liked this sassiness in her daughter, she always had… and it was good to see it again in spite of the circumstance. Sitting and thinking for a moment in how to answer, she realized Sydney had just given her another opportunity to try again…and she was fully prepared to use whatever inroads she could make to get through to her daughter as well as hopefully bring up another memory.

"Do you remember when you were six years old? I sent you to piano lessons. Your teacher was Ms. Adams."

The look on Sydney's face said it all to everyone in the audience, just as surprised as she was to hear 'this' as the explanation to the question and also smiling intrigued with Irina's methods of getting through, knowing exactly what she was doing… reminding Sydney she 'was' her mother, in spite of what Sydney wanted to believe.

At the time, Sydney had been too stunned in hearing the words and question coming from her mother's mouth to see what she was actually doing, but watching it now onscreen, the interaction she saw her mother using her own stubbornness and refusal to give up to get her to see, and remind her who she was. On some level she guessed she knew what her mother had been doing, but at the time she was too emotionally conflicted to see it flat out for what it was.

Jack, was equally intrigued having never seen this conversation and Barnett shook her head softly with a small smile, having seen this conversation in studying Irina's tapes before, and knowing that Jack had been right that day in her office in how Irina was using as many inroads as she could to get through to Sydney…she was glad she did.

When Sydney answered, Irina was relieved…if she remembered that much, maybe she also would remember their last conversation the day she dropped her off at Ms. Adams, remember what she had told her, how much she loved her and always would.

She gave her the straight forward technical answer she was originally seeking and loved the look of astonishment on Sydney's face before quickly going back to that of a petulant child answering with just, "Fine."

As quickly as she turned away, Irina realized her chance to have an answer to a question that had long plagued her was also slipping away and seized the opportunity.

"Speaking of Ms. Adams… just before I left, I remember her encouraging you to try out for your Thanksgiving play… you don't have to tell me if you don't want… but in the twenty years since I last saw you. I've often wondered, what part did you play?"

Images of Irina's daydreams of what Sydney might have been quickly flew across the screen as her mind ran rampant with all the times throughout the last twenty years she'd thought about Sydney and the play… mostly in Kashmir and it pained Sydney in watching that now, to know that is what had flown through her mother's mind in asking and then her lack of response.

She was too busy being upset at yet another reminder 'this woman' was her mother, a mother who in her own words 'left' her… and it only made her more, angry to hear she thought of her often over the last twenty years. Thought of her, but still stayed away.

Irina immediately felt the sting and pain at hearing and seeing the pain in her daughter's eyes at how deeply she felt the loss of her mother… and saddened that she still had no answer to complete the long running question. She felt like it was punishment; finally being able to get an answer to her question only to have her daughter not be able to provide her with one out of the pain of loss that they had both felt so deeply.

Another question that had been plaguing her mind, was also once again setting off alarm bells in the back of her head and as she turned and sat on her bunk, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting back against the brick wall.

When she first learned that Sydney had become an Agent, she always worried and wondered if her father had anything to do with it…if he ever actually 'used' the Project Christmas training on their own daughter. She had no choice…in bringing Julian into this life as she had been forced by Khasinau and Cuvee to do so as the only way to keep him.

But surely, Jack had a choice… or maybe he had been forced to do so as well with Sydney… as a term of being released from prison after they took him in for being a suspected traitor when they discovered who she was. No matter the motives, it was the most likely reasoning behind Sydney's 'blur' of a memory…and her daughter clearly wasn't aware of the reason for that blur…Jack obviously had never told Sydney what he did to her and Irina felt her anger rising inside her.

In erasing Sydney's memories of the training of Project Christmas, he had also managed to erase the one moment in time she had hoped would stay with her daughter forever… her goodbye and promise of love, forever and always.

For that, she hated him more then she could ever have believed… he not only brought their child into this dangerous world by letting her become a spy, but took away the reminder of her mother's love she had hoped would always stay with Sydney.

She sprang from her seat and began to pace, waves of fury running off her for hours.

Watching the scene of Sydney asking him about the play, brought back Jack's own flood of emotions from that moment which was shown again in a rapid sequence of flashbacks as he saw little Sydney in her turkey costume scanning the audience for her mother, and seeing only him and the Sloanes, breaking into wailing sobs and screaming for her Mommy.

The answer he gave made his daughter smile as she clearly didn't remember how upset the play actually made her and for that, he was happy that the Project Christmas training had erased her painful memories of the loss of her mother. Being reminded of that pain, and knowing now that the woman who caused it was still alive and trying to reconnect with his daughter only fanned his fury at her for leaving and lying to them in the first place.

When he realized he might be even more upset that she left, than that she had lied to begin with…he quickly slammed the door on that emotion refusing to believe it. This woman was not the one he fell in love with.

Sydney wanted to slap herself watching her onscreen image smile like an idiot when her father was manipulating her with his, "I trust your judgment," in regards to her mother.

She internally berated herself for being so naïve and blind to what he was doing, especially since he had been so completely anti-her mother anything, and then suddenly smiling complacently that he just 'trusted her judgment.'

"My God was I naïve." She whispered shaking her head and Vaughn squeezed her fingers.

"You weren't naïve, Sydney, you just didn't ever think your father would manipulate you." He whispered back, searching her eyes and trying to offer some comfort and reasoning.

"I should have known then, Vaughn. I had never fully trusted him and then suddenly, when my Mom came back, he just automatically got all my trust as she seemed like the devil and so he suddenly became an angel. I knew better. I still don't know what I was thinking." She shook her head actually surprised to find she was really angry at this moment, at her father for manipulating her like that. Sure she had forgiven him and none of this mattered now, but it still hurt at being reminded of what happened.

Her mission in Sri Lanka made more then a few laugh with Marshall's sled and then gasp horrified when Julian figured out she was in the tunnels and ordered the launch earlier, sending burning flames of fire at her.

Irina felt her own heart pounding and anger at herself and Julian, seeing just how deeply his jealousy ran then if he was purposely trying to kill Sydney. She had never known he had purposely ordered the early launch after suspecting Sydney was in the tunnel.

When they had discussed this plan, she had told him that she would feed the CIA information and it would most likely be Sydney showing up for the launch. Extreme sibling rivalry, was the thought going through everyone else's minds in the theatre coming to the same conclusions on witnessing Julian's actions.

When Sydney onscreen went to Irina with the code names they retrieved from Sark's computer through Will, everyone laughed out loud with Sydney's stern and flat, "No," after Irina asked her for a pencil and paper to decipher it.

Katya immediately realized this was the scene her sister had described to her when speaking of Sydney when they were in Brazil.

Irina couldn't hide her amused smile looking at her grown daughter through the glass and seeing the same stubborn six year old child, who would often refuse bed with the same flat and defiant, "No."

Her smile only seemed to incense Sydney's anger when she relayed the fact she couldn't decipher the code without the pencil and paper. Her amusement quickly left watching Sydney break off the pencil, handing her a tiny piece and she realized, just how dangerous her child thought her to be…that she didn't trust her with a pencil.

But then her mind short-circuited, to Taipei and the horrible kick she still felt in her hand when the gun fired and she watched her daughter wince from pain and fall over in the chair after shooting her. Irina knew she had shot her to save her, protect her…but Sydney didn't know that…she only knew that her own mother had shot her the first time she saw her in twenty-one years…it was no wonder she still didn't trust her, believed her capable of harm even from a pencil.

The thought that her own child, putting up a brave front, was actually still scared of her…sliced through Irina's heart with as much pain as she saw run through Sydney's eyes that night, standing over her with a still smoking gun.

As Sydney watched her decode the names as she was hoping she would, to learn how for the future, her mind would not leave the fact that Sydney had not yet asked her how or why she had shot her. She had expected Sydney to ask or rather demand in righteous volatile anger why, and she would tell her the truth then…but she hadn't.

"You know you haven't yet asked me how I could shoot my own daughter…"

She brought up the subject cautiously, hoping to spark the conversation and phrasing it in such a way to show that all was not as it appeared to be that night…and she would tell her if Sydney asked.

But when Sydney answered her with a stoned faced, "No, I haven't." As if the reason didn't matter, she didn't want to hear it and she didn't care, it ran a shot of fear straight through Irina for the first time, that maybe, there would be no getting through to her daughter…

If Sydney hated her, was angry and hurt with her, then she also knew that somewhere in there was love tainted with betrayal that she was hoping on finding and bringing back to the surface, but if her daughter didn't feel anything, was void of any emotion where she was concerned, then Irina had no chance and her daughter truly felt nothing for her anymore.

The thought alone almost brought tears to Irina's eyes as she studied Sydney's placid face taking the paper from her. If Sydney was asking for the codes, it meant she knew where the music box was and Irina also knew that Julian wouldn't be far behind, with a quivering voice filled with the emotion that was threatening to spill out over the realization Sydney felt nothing for her, she threw out one last attempt to show her daughter, plead with her daughter, that she did care for her, was her mother and wanted a chance. Warning Sydney that Sark wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and telling her she wanted her around, not in harms way, so she could have the chance to explain her actions someday…

Hoping Sydney would see that she cared, that she worried for her safety and that there was more to the story then what it appeared on the surface. Trying to give Sydney a reason to care, to feel anything for her again as she couldn't take the emptiness.

Sydney wasn't sure why she stopped, had turned around and decided to tell her mother she was a turkey in the play, or maybe she did. Maybe the part of her she was trying to deny, the part that wanted to hear the explanation, the part that still loved and cared for her mother, the part that saw the hurt in her mother's eyes at her indifference…decided to give something to ease her mother's pain, in spite of what she told herself she wanted to feel.

"About the Thanksgiving play…I was a turkey." Sydney offered and Irina felt as though her heart stopped, tears immediately threatening to fall until she stopped then by closing her eyes and taking a breath.

"A million times I had envisioned my daughter in that role," Lena's voice narrated Irina's thoughts over the scene as she thanked Sydney onscreen and her daughter left, "And to have it confirmed and now cemented in my mind, felt like a wash of relief. That Sydney offered it to me, had answered my question she didn't have to…also sent a surge of hope shooting straight through my heart again, that all was not lost. That somewhere inside, my daughter still felt something for me, and something…was definitely better then the nothing I had feared. Sydney would never know, the gift of those four simple words, and what they meant to me."

Lena's own narration was choked with emotion and everyone in the theatre's eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Irina saw the glint of a tear rolling down Sydney's cheek and met her teary eyes with her own, reaching up to wipe it gently off with a smile and sharing a silent conversation.

Watching the interaction onscreen, hearing Lena's narration of what Irina had been thinking and then witnessing the two's interaction beside him now, Jack felt like his insides were slowly being consumed with fire as he saw himself onscreen watching them on the monitors and knowing it was that moment, that he decided to get rid of Irina at any cost.

He had seen in that conversation that the connection he had feared between mother and daughter was slowly resurfacing and he wouldn't allow that to happen.

With Sydney in Siberia, Irina worried about her safety knowing that this would probably be the first collision of Julian and Sydney but she was also riding on an incredible high that Sydney still felt something, and she was slowly breaking through.

The image of her daughter as a turkey kept flashing through her mind as she worked off the worry and tension with a smile doing pushups.

*Cosmic Love*

With the heavy cadence of footsteps approaching, only one set not two, Irina new immediately who it was that would face her without a guard. Jack.

Her heart already pounding rapidly from the exertion of exercise, she struggled to slow her breathing as the mix of emotions washed through her with full force.

"The excitement at seeing him again was quickly flushed and shoved away as I knew he was standing there watching me," Lena's voice once again relayed Irina's thoughts, "Remembering Vladimir's words and recalling that this man had destroyed me, caused me so much pain and agony..."

Images of Vladimir telling her about Jack mixed with torturous screams and images of Kashmir as they raped her because of him, trying to expel her want of him from her flew through Irina's mind in seconds and she paused in her pushups.

"I refused to feel anything else, holding onto my hate…repeating the mantra of, 'he hates me, hates me, hates me, hurt him before he hurts you, hurt him before he hurts you."

Jack's eyes already glistened with unshed tears having witnessed what had run through her mind in those moments and hearing why she thought she had to put up her defenses, 'to hurt him, before he hurt her…' He laced his fingers more tightly with Irina's and felt her thumb already nervously caressing the back of his hand.

Sydney was completely enthralled with tear filled eyes, unable to breath as she watched for the first time, her parent's first encounter in twenty-one years.

When she turned around, Jack knew that any mantra of his own hate he'd been trying desperately to hang onto melted away seeing her face again. She was even more beautiful then he remembered and for a moment, he saw only his wife.

Seeing his face; the want for her in his eyes and looking at her the way he used to, Irina couldn't let it go on any longer as she felt her walls begin to tremble.

A moment of their past with Jack looking at her the same way flashed rapidly across the screen as Irina recalled the look and her internal monologue of Lena's voice once again began to repeat, 'hurt him before he hurts you,' through Irina's head as her expression began to harden.

Locking dark eyes with his she rapidly stood and moved before him inches from the glass, holding his gaze and watching as through his hate, he seemed to soften with an almost sadness she couldn't bare to see and it only incensed her anger.

He was not allowed to feel anything but hate for her as well… 'he hates me, he hates me, he hates me.' Her internal mantra continued until she spoke, knowing she had to show him he had no effect on her. He meant nothing to her now…She wouldn't let him pull her down.

"I've had a picture of your face in my mind," She began onscreen and everyone in the audience held their breath watching and waiting, feeling the crush of the 'illusion' just as Jack did.

Her words had the intended effect on him and the brief sadness and longing for a past that never should have existed quickly evaporated replaced by pure rage and hate she saw burning in his black eyes and laced through his words.

This was the Jack she had conditioned herself to deal with…a man who still felt something for her, the something she could handle…hate. She had wanted this reaction and yet she felt the sting surprised to see and hear it coming from him, hear him tell her he would kill her and know that he meant it.

Vladimir had been right, which she always told herself she knew, but hearing Jack say it, and seeing that he meant it…finally made it a reality, a truth.

He hated her…and it sent a sharp pain ripping through her heart in a way she hadn't expected. That he could actually and did actually hate her, knowing it now for certain, she felt her own real hate begin to boil to the surface as she listened to him relay how Sydney would react to her death at his hands.

"She spent most of her life believing you were dead, she'll get used to it again…no matter what bond you try to forge with her."

Sydney's tears were now running streaks down her face, one hand covering her mouth completely horrified at what her father had just said to her mother.

Things had been different then but thinking about her relationship with her mother now, losing her again…she reached over and quickly grasped her mother's free hand, pulling it up to her own pounding heart and holding it tightly though her eyes refused to leave the screen. Irina turned her head and watched her daughter's reaction, felt her desperation and knew exactly what she was thinking, and feeling.

Satisfied he'd torn her down just as she had done to him, Jack spun on his heel and walked away.

"You haven't told her what you did to her after I disappeared…have you?" Irina called out stopping him in his tracks with what she knew was the truth and her own way of fighting back. He thought himself so righteous in regards to Sydney; tearing her down as a terrible parent when he had done just as much harm…and she was letting him know that she knew it. He was no better then she was.

His non-reaction was the only confirmation she needed and she didn't wait until the last gate closed before spinning on her own heel and dropping immediately back to the floor feeling a surge of angry adrenaline surging through her and needing to be worked off as emotions battled and tore her apart inside.

Faster and faster she pumped her arms doing more pushups, battling her inner turmoil and shoving it all back into their carefully sealed boxes as she regained her control.

"Jack didn't matter," Lena spoke softly over the image of Irina working off her steam with an incredible pace behind her, "All that mattered was Sydney and my plan. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. At least that is what I kept telling myself."

Sydney and Sark's face off in the caves left them all breathless as first she threw the axe after he taunted her and then his gunfire broke the ice around her, and she plunged into the icy water.

Irina held her breath the entire time and found herself squeezing Sydney's hand more tightly when the ice sealed over again, trapping her daughter beneath.

Only after Dixon pulled her from the ice did Irina breathe again, and Sydney smiled at her, hearing her mother's large intake of breath and seeing her worry even now, sitting beside her. They cringed together when Sloane hugged her and everyone laughed when she told Vaughn she went home and took a shower.

When Jack and Sydney's heated discussion over him trying to have her transferred followed, Irina felt an overwhelming sadness in spite of the fact Jack was trying to get rid of her at hearing his words.

"This is a woman you've idolized for almost twenty years… you didn't learn about her history with the KGB until recently-"

"Oh what does that matter," Sydney fired back in agitation that he was right.

"That you've wanted a mother… your mother… all your life… and now here she is." Jack spoke what he knew was absolutely true and had never wanted to admit, let alone say out loud… one of his biggest fears realized.

Sydney's response of not 'being that naïve' unintentionally had in turn, said that he was in falling for and being with her mother in the first place. That even his own daughter saw him as the fool that everyone else had for the last twenty years in being duped by that woman only increased Jack's intent to get rid of Irina, especially after interrogating Richter and listening to him defend her, calling her a 'great woman' even as he was threatened with death.

To see another man defending and protecting her, the woman who destroyed his life, fueled his hate to new unprecedented levels.

Seeing Sydney completely determined to keep interacting with her mother, no matter her reasons, terrified Jack beyond reason that Irina would expose him and in turn, gain their daughter's favor over his.

When Sydney sat down before her, and informed her that Richter had been taken into SD-6 custody, Irina felt a pang of guilt and sadness over the loss of a good man and loyal associate.

When she had worked out her plan with Julian, all three had known that Richter had been infected with the liquid from inside the Red Ball the night Sydney blew up the lab. No amount of treatments without a cure, would save him and so, when presented with the offer to help, Richter agreed to forfeit what was left of his life out of his love and loyalty to Irina, knowing he was going to die anyway.

Julian had taken him to the Falkland Islands and held him to make it look as though he had been captured, luring SD-6 there with this bait and leaving Richter behind as they escaped according to Irina's plan. Richter would then feed the information to SD-6 and in turn, Sydney would come to her in regards to the map.

Hiding the map in Moscow in one of her own government buildings gave her a great wealth of options in 'helping' Sydney recover the map and escape Julian and the police when they arrived, earning her daughter's trust further. Asking Sydney to return her mother's earrings, in exchange for helping with the map served many purposes.

First, in that she wasn't lying when she said they held sentimental value and in looking at those, being reminded of her mother's strength and determination, what her mother sacrificed her life for, Irina could remember that turning herself into the CIA and being caged was worth it in regards to making her own sacrifices in the name of her daughter.

Second, it was a way to show Sydney that she did 'care' for things… people if they held a sentimental value to her, and that she wasn't the monster without a heart or feelings she was sure Jack was spewing to their daughter.

Third, she needed them now at this phase of the plan to communicate with Julian and for he, in turn, to communicate with her.

So far the mole she had inside the CIA was feeding Julian the operation and mission information exactly as planned but as things began to get more complicated and unscripted, depending on the outcomes, Irina had to be able to improvise and switch to an alternative plan if need be and communicate that to Julian.

Lastly, she wanted something that meant a great deal to her, to her mother and their heritage to leave behind to give to her daughter when she left. As a gift from a mother to her daughter once again.

Her plan worked and when she offered Sydney, who was clearly stunned that her mother was offering help, a better plan and way to break into her own governments facility, everything fell right into place. Sydney would get the map and Julian would arrive to take it back.

It didn't matter if Sydney did get it as the real Manual of Operations was no where near where the map led them, but a decoy and another way to set up a series of relatively safe missions and ways for her to help her daughter, gaining her trust as well as using the CIA and SD-6 to collect the remaining Rambaldi artifacts for her.

When she finished and Sydney looked up, smiling at her fully before she realized what she was doing, Irina felt elated that she had been on the receiving end of Sydney's smile for the first time in twenty-one years and yet a stab of guilt at manipulating her daughter to get it.

She meant it when she told her to 'be careful' as even though she had set up precautions like if Sydney was captured, Vladimir would be told by Julian to let her go…no one else in that building knew not to harm her child.

The bullets the officers would be shooting at her and Julian and their intent to kill them, would be deathly real.

Julian she knew could handle himself and knew to surrender and then show his own SVR badge for release if in a dire need, and she believed in her daughters' abilities as well after witnessing her in action and knew that Sydney would do just as she expected, what she herself would do, and in that, be all right.

When Sydney smiled again and then caught herself but smiled at her again anyway, giving it to her without shame. Irina returned it with one of her' own.

"I couldn't stop the worry from taking over thinking of the danger my daughter was walking into and the guilt over my manipulations of her… were now squeezing tighter around my heart." Lena voiced as Sydney walked away with a smile on her face, "I kept telling myself that it was worth it in the end to have my child free from this life and safe but it gnawed at me none-the-less."

She stood from the glass and walked to the window even if she couldn't see outside, hugging herself and closing her eyes forcing back the tears she would not let fall.

It was obvious to everyone in the theatre that Jack was rapidly losing control. His shaking body and quivering voice as he spoke to Barnett was proof of that.

"The way she presents herself, she disarms you… some people have that talent. Compared to all of them, Irina Derevko is extraordinary."

When he said that his greatest fear was losing his daughter, Judy had thought at the time, that Jack meant to some danger Irina would put her in, that he was afraid Sydney would be killed… she knew now, he was referring to losing Sydney to Irina if Irina told her the truth about what he'd done to her in regards to Project Christmas. Judy shook her head almost disappointed in herself as a doctor watching this begin to unfold, for not seeing or realizing sooner, that this was what he meant when he said he was afraid to lose his daughter.

Or at least, after Irina was taken away for apparently turning on the CIA, on Sydney, to request the matter be looked into further after Jack had come to her repeatedly to ask for her help in manipulating Sydney against her mother.

She had an inkling, nagging feeling at that time, that Jack had something to do with that, but she never followed through with it, believing perhaps she had been the one wrong and Jack really did know his treacherous wife better…but the part of her that saw him losing control over his wavering emotions being torn between love and hate for the woman who destroyed his life as he said…she should have known better, she continued to admonish herself.

The audience including Sophia who wore a funny smile on her face were all enthralled watching the now, siblings of Julian and Sydney beating the crap out of each other in the library over the map, something they hadn't witnessed really hand-to-hand combat until now, with both parties knowing who the other was.

The gunfire that erupted from the guards was expected but still made Irina cringe as Sydney ran like hell down the hallways and Julian surrendered as he was supposed to, showing his badge and giving Sydney time to hide.

Irina had been waiting, and trying to calm her nerves with Tai Chi knowing that Sydney would be calling for her help at any moment if the plan had worked as it should. The danger her daughter would be and most likely was in now, was very real and her 'help' would be as well. She knew Sydney would never surrender and go down fighting, as would she and that thought terrified more then anything.

When Agent Vaughn arrived at the window looking desperate and in obvious panic mode, banging on the glass, she knew Sydney was in the trouble she knew she'd be in and had planned for.

There were private security doors in every office, she just needed to know which one and when everything went according to plan and Irina saw the relief flood over the young man's face in front of her, one who looked so much like one of the men who haunted her dreams… she had no idea how he could even stand to be in the same room, let alone ask for her help, when faced with the reality he believed she killed his father…and when she asked how he could thank his fathers' killer and he said 'you don't,' she felt the guilt all over again of Mikhail's death…and her continuing hurt of his family by even being in their presence, in this case, his son…who was looking out for her daughter in spite of who her mother was.

Watching any of the interactions between his son and his best friend was painfully difficult for Mikhail seeing them both hurt and struggling over his death and the different beliefs of guilt and fault behind it. Two of the people he cared most for in this world continually hurting and scarring the other whether intentional as in his son's case, angry at his father's killer, or unintentional as in Irina's case by 'being his fathers killer' in his son's eyes and feeling her own guilt that she was still alive when she believe he perished in Kashmir.

When Sydney slid the box into the compartment and Irina opened it to find her mother's earrings she was almost overcome with emotion at seeing them again, almost as a security blanket as the days and nights of being imprisoned were starting to gnaw furiously at her within.

"I was twenty-one years old when I was given these… at the graduation from the Academy, my mother," She looked up, realizing this was the first time she had ever really spoken of her mother in Sydney's presence without a context of false pretenses behind the truth with the exception of her own age that had been altered by the KGB, "Your grandmother…" She felt choked up and saw the stunned expression on her daughters' face at hearing about yet another aspect of her life that connected them, made her 'real' and really her mother no matter how much Sydney tried to pretend otherwise, "Put these in my hands and said, Sweetheart, wear them well. You would have liked her… had things been different."

The endearment was that of love and pride and Sydney was blown over by this revelation that her mother, had a mother…

This monster person of Irina Derevko she was trying so hard to hate, had a mother…a loving mother who was proud of her…

Sydney felt her heart skip a beat hearing about her for the first time…her grandmother…and hearing her mother connect the three of them by saying she would have liked had their lives been different. For the first time ever, Sydney thought of the life and family her mother had…only seeing Irina Derevko as a monster alone in the world, spawned from the Devil.

She was growing more complex at hearing 'the Devil' was in fact, her loving grandmother…who sounded like any other normal mother… and Sydney felt herself longing for that different life and a chance to have known her grandmother…her mother for that matter…that thought was immediately jarring and spurred her into action seeing her mother's loving eyes looking at her so closely and then saddened wishing the same, through the glass.

She shoved the map into the box and the moment was over, with Sydney's.

"We need you to decode the map."

Irina only looked up in response but knew that at least she had shared one moment with her daughter and a piece of her own mother. Her mother had given them to her when she left her alone in the world, and she would do the same with her daughter when she left her…but at least now, Sydney would know the story and the love behind them to some extent. They were given in love.

While Irina decoded the map, Sydney couldn't help but stare at her through the glass, fascinated all the more with the creature in front of her and repeating the story of her grandmother over and over in her head while making comparisons.

When she put her hair behind her ear, or chewed nervously on her lip, Sydney recognized herself and wondered if her mother had inherited that from her mother in the same way.

Irina's speed at decoding showed her incredible genius and Sydney was astonished yet again at the brilliance of the woman before her and what she was capable of.

*How You Remind Me*

They all cringed when Vaughn tried to back Sydney's decision to go to Madagascar, by supporting Irina in saying she proved her value only to be heatedly shot down by Jack's rage over exactly how little he thought of her value unwilling to accept any notion that all she wanted was forgiveness.

Watching in horrid fascination as Jack met with the man in the parking garage to set up Irina as Vaughn and Sydney left for Madagascar.

All sanity had left him only concentrating on getting rid of 'her' anyway he could. He wouldn't accept her apologies or seeking of forgiveness…attempts to redeem herself.

With the plan in motion he drove home in the rain, grabbing a bottle of vodka from cabinet after throwing down his jacket and briefcase, downing a large swallow of the clear liquid looking around the room and falling on a picture of the three of them together as a happy 'family.'

Her smiling face looking adoringly at his and his foolish face staring back while Sydney's face was a glow with happiness and then all the photos next to it.

Images of their life together flew rapidly before his eyes as her words of calling it all an illusion that meant little to nothing to her standing before him behind the glass, "It must have been so bad… living with me must have damn near killed you." He sneered and his hand rapidly lashed out crashing them all to the floor and throwing the bottle after it shattering it as well, screaming in rage and pain, "I loved you" as he dropped to his knees in the mess, "Are we having fun yet?"

He screamed thinking about setting her up, reversing the tables on whatever game she was playing now. His fingers reaching out to pick up a now soaking wet photograph of her, drowned almost symbolically in his revenge.

"I hate you… I hate you." Hot angry tears clouded his eyes though he refused to let them fall, "I hate you!" He screamed crumpling and ripping the photograph of Irina furious at her, and at himself for still loving her and the man he'd become, capable of this manipulation and able to kill the only woman he ever loved and he hated Irina for that even more.

The scene before them and the fact that it was almost identical to the one in the first film with Jack's return and breakdown after prison where he thrashed their house and crashed the same photo before holding it and weeping confessing that he didn't care who she was, he loved her, repeating it over and over…now his mantra and feelings were of his hate for her.

Irina was sitting absolutely still beside him, her body temperature, he could have sworn had dropped considerably as her hand became clammy and limp in his own, silent tears streaking down her cheek as she watched him breaking down with her eyes never leaving the screen as if she owed it to him to watch this torture.

She had been holding out all those years to find out he really didn't hate her, she realized watching their first interaction in the cell with an outsiders view now and then in her own reflection…having that last vestige of hope crashed with Jack's promise to kill her with pure hate in his eyes.

Jack, she realized, had also held onto a small hope, that their' life together hadn't been an illusion a lie, that it was real and everyone else was wrong. She too had crushed his hope that day by telling him it was all an illusion.

His hand let go of hers and instead reached up and gently turned her face to his with fingers to the side of her face forcing her gaze to meet his.

Their eyes locked in teary solace of remorse for so many things and both leaned in slowly together, kissing softly and resting their heads together for a moment needing the closeness and then linked fingers, a silent promise to make it through this as 'one.'

Everyone else in the theatre, especially those working at the CIA at the time, were absolutely floored to see Jack's reaction to what he'd done…why he was doing it and how deeply it was all affecting him. The tightly controlled façade they were only beginning to see unravel at work, exploding before them onscreen like a violent volcano.

Watching Sydney and Vaughn onscreen creep through the jungle, everyone was on edge knowing what was about to happen and many of them regretful of their role, knowing or not, in framing and blaming Irina.

Jack's own heart almost stopped beating seeing just how close he came to blowing up his daughter when her hand touched the door handle.

The sadness on her face, the tears…when she realized, or thought at least, that her mother betrayed her…had set her up to be killed.

*Stay*

"We're ok, Dad, we're coming home." Sydney answered back after the explosion.

Kendall ordered the transfer of Irina to Camp Harris and everyone cringed again hearing the words, Unrestricted Interrogation.

Irina meditated in her cell to pass the time trying to clear her mind of the worry that was progressively growing stronger for her daughter the more she was around her again and knowing the plan was only growing more dangerous.

She was startled to hear the stomp of boots and the whoosh of air as the U.S. Marshals entered her cell, grabbing her roughly and pulling her to her feet, so they could restrain her. She was obviously being taken somewhere but she didn't know why. Her mind began to race in question at what had happened with fear gripping her heart that it had something to do with Sydney and the mission she just sent her on…

Had something gone wrong and her daughter was hurt? She knew it would be pointless to ask as she'd get no response until someone informed her on their own accord and her heart began to pound at an almost deafening pace in her ears.

Jack had felt a sense of relief that it was over until he rounded the corner and was immediately stopped in his tracks with the sight of Irina being taken away.

He'd thought as long as he didn't have to see her physically being removed because of what he'd done, it would be easier to deal with his own guilt over the matter but seeing her now…the confusion on her face and even concern for what may have happened to Sydney…that look reminded him too much of his wife…which she wasn't and he turned away.

Irina was shoved into the back of the transport once again, heart racing in tandem with her mind trying to go over what could have happened until the doors flew open and she was dragged out again, being shoved violently against her will toward a large hole in the center of a concrete floor.

'No, no, no, no, no!' Her mind screamed in panic as she fought back against them as they neared the dark hole, trying to back away from it. The images of her time in Kashmir flooded her memories and she fought desperately to keep them compartmentalized losing control.

A guard whipped his baton into the back of her legs and brought her crashing down to her knees before slamming his elbow into the side of her head, temporarily stunning her enough to drop her body into the hole. Irina hit the dirt ground six feet below with a thud and temporarily had the wind knocked out of her. Slowly she staggered into a sitting position and then felt the cold stone walls surrounding her as she struggled to her feet. Her hand reaching up to feel the warm blood trail running down her forehead from her hair line where she'd been hit. The sound of the heavy metal door above closing brought back her sharp focus as she looked up and through the circular door closing out the only source of light with a single tiny window in the center, no bigger than a 4x6 inch photograph. Angry eyes glared back at her as the lock was secured.

Whatever happened; was not good if she had been put into the hole of solitary. Desperation took over and she called out, "Where am I and why?"

Images of her time in solitary in Kashmir continuously escaped their compartments in rampant flashes as well as her interrogation torture ran through her mind immediately at realizing where she must be and what they were going to do, she at least wanted to know why.

The guard looked at her with searing hate of his own, having only heard the why just before she arrived. He thought about not answering, as he was certain she must have known why and was playing dumb.

But something in her eyes made his mouth speak without permission.

"Where is none of your concern but the why should be obvious. You lied…you said the house was clear and we sent our agents in…nothing left of the bodies."

Irina gasped her hand flew to her mouth, "Sydney…" She felt as though her heart had stopped, time frozen in this horrific moment.

"She was your own daughter." The guard looked at her with complete disgust and slammed the tiny window above shut echoing loudly in the silence as the world around her went black with no more light.

Slowly and on trembling legs that gave out, she slid down the wall, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her face, sobbing silently to herself and shaking uncontrollably.

Hundreds of images and sounds surged through Irina's mind of Sydney beginning with her pregnancy and all the way through to the smile she'd given just before she left on the mission in a matter of seconds as her daughter's life literally flashed before her eyes and the darkness of the cell eventually took over and they faded out as the camera pulled back.

Jack, Kendall and Sydney all felt like they were having their hearts ripped out knowing their parts in this and feeling the surge of guilt as tears began to fill their eyes seeing Irina's struggle to keep control and everything compartmentalized and losing it believing Sydney had been killed.

None of them, except Katya, had known that Irina had believed that Sydney had been killed in the explosion. She'd never said a thing to either Jack or Sydney and they both realized, it was probably because she hadn't wanted either of them to feel any further guilt over the almost execution because of it.

They knew why, she was trying to protect them from their own horror and guilt that she had been led to believe she in some way killed her own daughter…another child lost because of her.

"I thought there might have been a chance…to believe she had no hidden agenda…everything you said was right. And I was so stupid," Sydney cried in Jack's arms, "and I'm sorry Dad…I'm sorry that I doubted you."

Jack felt guilty for taking away her mother again, seeing the pain and sadness and quickly replaced with anger he directed at Irina for forcing him into it, making it her fault Sydney was hurting because she had caused Sydney to care about her…it was the only way he could live with himself.

They watched in horror as it cut back to Irina being interrogated at Camp Harris. First, she was water-boarded while they taunted her with the fact she blew up her own child and asked, what kind of mother would do such a thing? And then put through sleep deprivation locked in her tiny dark hole projecting endless pictures of Sydney at all stages in her life and old home movies playing on loops with Sydney's tiny voice crying out in the dark 'Mommy' in excitement over and over and over as she threw her arms around Irina's neck in one old movie followed by the image of the explosion on the satellite radar with sound effects of explosions and descriptions of the charred remains they pulled out. They'd stripped Irina naked, bound her tightly in a fetal position and shoved her in a box with knees and arms bent for endless hours, then doused her with freezing cold water as they asked her relentless questions about the explosion in Madagascar she had no answers for. Her reluctance to provide any answers only increased the amount of torture they put her through.

Watching her go through this as they demanded to know 'why' when she had no answers was painful to all involved in sending her there. They watched the hollowness on the screen slowly consume her vision once more as Irina had completely shut down, retreated into herself and gone to the place she hadn't visited since Kashmir.

Vaughn suggesting that it may have been Jack that was indeed responsible for Madagascar was not welcome news to Sydney and watching herself lash out at him onscreen, she felt badly for her reaction when he was only trying to help.

"He never trusted my mother's motives. You think my father wired that entrance to set up my mother? We were nearly killed! If there was interference on our Coms..."