Chapter 26
The warm mid-day light was filtering down through the canopy of fir trees, scattering the weak shards of light upon the narrow goat trail Mamoru had stumbled upon that morning. He had been heading north, always north towards the boundary of high mountain's. Still he called to her in his mind, seeking to comfort her sending her feelings of strength, love and compassion. The silver mist remained before him, a guiding ribbon weaving down the cluttered trail of over grown bushes and roots. He had been forcefully ignoring the backlash against his link with Serenity, that was nearly breaking his mind with pain. He was growing desperate to find her and alleviate her emotional turmoil, it must be hurting her as much as him.
Tuxy was scouting far ahead, Mamoru just caught sight of the pink blur of his shorts climbing over a massive root a mile or so away. A few minutes past in awkward silence, as Tuxy moved out of view. Mamoru kept up his steady jogging pace, his armour creaking and ringing as the metal plates came together. There was no bird calls or animals's rustling nearby it was as if the upper reaches of the forest were dead.
Then Tuxy's face popped up again over the root, "Mamoru-san hurry!" He called his voice screaming in both alarm and fear.
Mamoru picked up his pace, leaping over the root, by resting a black leather glove against the smooth bark and swinging himself sideways over top. Landing smoothly on the other side, he took in the remains of both Luna and an unknown man with an emotionless, battle hardened demeanour. Noticing the dead body further along the trail, it's head laying in a shallow indent near a set of dried brambles and discoloured bushes. As if the head itself was slowly poisoning the vegetation. The man's body was burned beyond recognition, the skin blackened and melted. What was left of the head was not recognizable at all, just a dark skull with bits of flesh attached here and there. It was as if the man had been consumed in an inferno?
Then he took in poor Luna, sprawled on the side of the trail her body riddled with large wounds, as if she had been ripped apart by a savage animal. Her dark fur caked with her dried blood, her chest unnaturally still. Rushing to her side, his mind filled with grief and anger at the cat's stubbornness to take on all enemies by herself. Pushing the raging emotions aside, he focused on his duty. Mamoru pressed his hands against her matted throat, moving downward tentatively to her chest. Tuxy hovered on the other side of the great cat, his little bare feet crunching the dry litter nervously as he stretched and scrunched his bare toes into the soil. Soft eyes staring down at the cat's destroyed body, unblinking with a silent trauma. Taking in the horror as that of an innocent child.
Mamoru quickly accessed the cats damage, finding to his relief a faint erratic beat fluttering within her chest. Her heart was struggling to keep her alive, her spirit fighting until the bitter end. Mamoru chuckled bitterly, Luna would never just up an die. She was to stubborn, and ornery to let go of this life. She would be around to patronize and belittle him for many more years to come...Mamoru was certain of that because he was not going to let her die!
Mamoru summoned his golden healing aura, shunting it down his arms and into the cats prone body. In seconds Luna's large broken body was glowing brightly. Tuxy watched with amazement as all the dead, dried blood over her fur became warm and alive once more sinking back into the dark fur going back were it belonged inside the panthers body. Slowly the gapping wounds closed, the skin pulling together and began sealing over with fresh pink skin. The cats broken bones grinded and popped as Mamoru reset them healing and fortifying them so they would be harder to destroy again. Tuxy cringed at the sickening sounds of gurgling and bubbling as Mamoru healed the Cats punctured organs in her belly.
Truly the sounds were disgusting, and the work tedious. The Mouse man/boy, rose from his crouching position behind Luna and disappeared into the forest to forage for some lunch. He hadn't had a good meal in days.
The weak mist had settled in over the trail, as Mamoru finished his work with Luna. The great cat was whole once more, and breathing deeply. Tuxy had made himself useful and built a make shift litter, with two long thick branches and Mamoru's dark cloak with red lining as the hammock. Mamoru set Luna's dead weight on top of the cloak. Grasped the branches in his hands, and pulled her along behind him as he continued his course north, up the trail towards the cold stone horizon of mountain's. Grimacing in pain as the blinding fire in his head flared anew, now that his focus was no longer on a singular purpose.
The mid day sun was beating down upon the open trail near a vast clear lake. The sky was misty and grey, yet the warmth of the summer sun still penetrated the heavy fog. It felt nice upon her, heating her cold skin and dulled heart
faintly. She had been walking in a haze of dark thoughts all morning, refusing to grieve for her mother, or her now lost love. Forever moving forward towards the Lord of Shadows and her death. She had no doubts that with a broken arm, which ached constantly like sharp daggers piercing her shoulder. That he would defeat her, if she was caught sneaking into his keep. She had no intention of fighting him. Wanting only to free her cousin and Rei and escape.
She kept her mind focused on her new powers and the new course of her life as a Guardian. She couldn't think about Mamoru, it was to painful. The more she reviewed all the times the universe had intervened upon their relationship. Be it the warnings from her Guardian's, from her mother...Seiya trying to pull her away from Mamoru. The universe had been subtly trying to tell her that her and Mamoru were not meant to be. But she had stubbornly fought against it's powers, holding on to her love for him, laughing at it's attempts until it saw fit to teach her a lesson. Diamonde had been that final lesson, not to mess with the universe. He had forced himself on her, taken her innocence and made her unfit for any man's love. She finally understood, and was slowly accepting that her love for Mamoru was good and truly cursed. She forced him from her mind, which was still throbbing giving her no peace. He wasn't part of her life anymore, even though she had killed Diamonde it gave her no satisfaction as she thought it might. She just felt dead inside, as if her pure light had been snuffed out replaced by a steady burn of anger and hate.
Guardian Moon stood frozen before a large lake, the animal trail had winded around the Mountain's feet. Leading her to this tranquil sight, a clear mountain lake with the misty sky reflecting off it's near glass like surface. Concealed by a thick skirt of pines and fir trees, she could just make out a small cabin. Squat and mudded together with thick trunks of trees. The roof a rough thatch of grass, set just in sight over top more tree's. With a stone chimney jutting out of the back. The cabin was so natural it was almost hidden within the tree line on the other side of the lake. She needed to rest, and perhaps food?
Taking to the trail once more, she headed around the lake. She made her way around the stoney lake shore, glancing into the inviting water scanning for fish. Her stomach was roaring for food. It had been days and she was now quite amazed she had found the strength to push onward for the these last few hours. It had been the stress and adrenaline that had kept her going, with her escape now underway she was feeling a bit light headed.
The young men and women who had joined her mother's caravan, had taught her much about living off the land. That kind of adventurous education thrilled her and she had absorbed it like oxygen, it all still remained clear in her mind. Information easy to recall, now that she was on her own. The last two demon's didn't seem to be tracking her, maybe they had been killed? Or maybe they had abandoned their mission. She didn't know their affiliation with the Lord of Shadows but it didn't seem to solid.
She took a fork in the trail that led her around the lake, she would reach the cabin by dusk.
The warmth and light of the day, had pulled away from the lake front falling behind the looming mountains behind the veil of dark green trees. When Moon slipped out of the tree line, approaching the small wooden cabin as silently as a shadow. A cool wind was blowing off the water, sending shivers up her bare legs and arms. As the day had worn on, all she wanted was a hot bath and a warm bed. Her body was aching, and her head felt like it was about to explode from the throbbing pain that had been plaguing her since her time in that strange dream.
Crossing to the side of the small cabin, she realized by how simple it was built. Put together with mud and mortar, with thick trunks taken from the forest nearby. With a simple grass roof, oiled a dull black to make it fire retardant. Glancing subtly through the small window set along the side, finding the insides cold and dark. Just large enough for a bed, and a small pantry cupboard with a beaten up wooden table and chair. This was a Mountain Warden's outpost, a way post for both the law of these parts and wanderers...like her.
After surveying the exterior of the cabin, finding a wood pile along the north wall with a chopping block and axe. Moon set to work to gather wood for a fire. Soon she was basking in the warmth of the small cabin, sitting tiredly on the only soft place in the tiny area which was the bed. A simple mattress stuffed with the dry grasses from the forest floor. The one pillow was the same, dry grass covered with a thin cotton fabric. A heavy woven wool blanket of a dull grey was draped over the make shift mattress.
Moon groaned, rolling her neck every part of her ached but there was nothing here to bathe with. With a bitter sigh, she decided to see if the last occupant had left anything to eat. As was custom in a wayfarer's cabin. The last one to use it's refuge left something useful behind to aid the next wanderer who stumbled upon the cabin to seek it's shelter.
Opening the one lone cupboard, bolted to the log wall. She found a bag of oats, and a container of dried meat. Opening the iron box, the venison looked old and grey. Giving it a nervous sniff, she could only make out a salty tang. Figuring it was still good, she popped a rock hard chunk into her mouth and began suck on it. Finding a pot to boil water hanging near the stone hearth, she soon had it filled with porridge. Stirring it absently, as her transformation faded. Leaving a dirty, disheveled girl with the bare rages of her pink dress falling over a thin frame. Her skin looking grey and sickly from
days of stress and lack of nutrition. After she had spooned up a few steaming globs of porridge into a simple wooden bowl. She set it on the table to cool, retreating to the back of the cabin were she had noticed an old worn wardrobe. The doors creaked from age, as she opened them. Finding with growing despair only a simple white cotton shirt several times to large for her. With a sad sigh, she unhooked the shirt. Shedding her ruined dress to the floor she slipped into the large shirt. Thankful that it was quite soft, yet it hung so low almost near her shins. She had to roll up the long sleeves a frustrating amount of times, till they nearly ballooned around her elbows. She looked like a small child wearing the shirt of her fathers. It was huge on her, falling off one bare shoulders. Now somewhat happy to be in something clean, she sombrely sat at the beaten up table and ate her tasteless sludge.
With her belly full, filling heavy of both heart and body. She slipped under the heavy woollen covers on the small bed, to tired to worry about the nightmares that would surely come.
The deep navy moon was high over the trees, when Mamoru finally came to the end of the silver trail.
Finding the shadowed structure of a small cabin, sitting before the lake shore he had been skirting for last several hours. His shoulder's ached, his head was throbbing, yet he couldn't contain his excitement at finally making it to Usagi side once more. He dropped the wooden poles, dashing through the front door leaving a surprised Tuxy and a unconscious Luna in the darkness outside.
The room was dark, the fire in the small stone hearth long since snuffed out by time. Leaving a damp chill in the cabin, that made it smell of mold and cold earth. The thin silver ghost that had lead him like a strong tether through the dark realms, threaded over to a small bed.
He rushed over to the bed, finding her fast asleep her golden hair streaming over the tiny pillow under her head. Silent tears falling down her cheeks, as she was once more trapped within a nightmare. She still looked so very beautiful, with the faint light of the dark moon outside falling over her gentle face. It wasn't just how she looked, but what lay inside of her. He prized her above all else, her sweet caring soul, her courage at surviving all of this. The innocent childish way she saw the world, and how she could play and find the good no matter how dark things got. He worried now, that joy might have been lost to enduring the ravages of to many cruel misfortunes. The grim thoughts cast aside, as quickly as they came. Unable to contain how his heart was soaring at the sight of her. After so many long days of worry and fear, it was like a great weight of lifted from his chest. He knelt before the bed, humbled by the serene visage of her. His breath grew shallow as he looked adoringly upon her, lightly brushing some of her bangs across her forehead. Revealing the crescent moon flickering like a heart beat from the distress of her dreams.
(Usako...) He prodded with his mind.
She remained silent, not moving or giving any signs she could hear him within her soul. Then a great force slammed into his head, knocking him away from the bed groaning and clutching his temples as a fire burned through his mind.
"Oh...Kami..." He sucked in a cold breath, that hurt worse then the headache.
Tuxy bounded into the cabin, an eager grin on his face. "Is she here?" He questioned in the full volume of his high pitched voice.
Mamoru shot him a warning glare, but it was to late.
Usagi rustled under the covers, groaning in a dull haze as she rose to sit up on the bed.
"Wha..." She breathed, then after a moment took in the amazing sight of Mamoru sitting on the floor near the barren hearth and a strange little boy staring wide eyes up at her.
She broke down into tears, clutching the covers up tight under she chin. Shaking in disbelief after so long he was here finally here.
"Mamo-chan!" She wailed unable to keep her resolve to kill her love for him. She raised her good arm, as he rushed to her side, she had forgotten about her broken arm. He wrapped her up tight in his embrace, as she sobbed into his dark blue chest plate. Allowing the covers to drop to her waist, wrapping her arm around his neck seeking his love and his comfort as always.
Tuxy blushed, rocking nervously on his toes. This was a great sight, it warmed his whole being. His princess was finally happy again, and safe.
As Mamoru embraced became tighter, he accidentally touched her broken arm.
Usagi screamed suddenly, thrusting away from him in pain.
Mamoru went stiff with shock, staring at her in disbelief and worry.
"Are you alright?" He paled paper white, holding her trembling hand. Then tenderly began pulling her out of the bed to look her over. His face full of alarm and regret for hurting her.
"My arm...I think it's broken." Usagi moaned, grasping her forearm lightly.
"Oh...Usa." Mamoru moaned in dread, his fingers flying to the large buttons on her shirt, deftly undoing the material and drawing it off her.
Usagi squeezed her eyes shut as he removed her shirt, suddenly feeling so very nervous and embarrassed by him seeing her so bare. It was a new creepy feeling, that she had never experience with Mamoru. She felt tainted, shamed. Her skin was crawling as he touched her bare arm. In seconds she felt the soothing balm of the golden warmth of his healing. The endless sharp pain that had been vibrating up and down her arm all day was gone.
With a thankful sigh, she cast him a small smile quickly retreating from his touch and buttoning up her shirt to conceal herself again. Mamoru's swallowed past a nervous lump in his throat, she wasn't acting right. She felt so distant, so nervous and awkward around him.
"Usako...what happened to you...I have felt everything you have been going through." Mamoru whispered, reaching for her.
She took another step back, glancing to the ground unable to stare at the pain of rejection on his face. Feeling horrible for forcing him to live the terror and humiliation she had been going through. He desperately wanted to hug her again, but her arms wrapped around her breast seeking to shield herself from him. Fighting with herself...not wanting to be touched.
Mamoru drew back, his hands hanging limply at his sides. A fury rising within his gut, realizing for himself that Diamonde had forced himself upon her. He didn't know how far...but it had left scars on her. Scars he couldn't heal with his magic.
He knew that what ever she was going through in her head, he couldn't affect it, he couldn't force her to speak about it. It was something she had to handle herself. This pain would only be healed with time...
"I have to go get Luna?" he chucked a thumb at the open door. Turning on his heel and leaving her standing alone once more in the darkness. The wet chill in the cabin seeping into her very bones, making her shiver bodily. His final words finally registering on her exhausted mind.
Usagi eyes widened in surprise, her heart beating fast in her chest, finding the light of hope once more. Her mother was alive...
Mamoru was so full of anger, it was festering inside of him like a virus. Infecting his reason with dark thoughts of revenge. His raw hate at Diamonde, fuelling many satisfying yet brutal fantasies of retribution. That if he ever ran into the man again he would kill him on sight. Raging at himself for how useless he was at not protecting her from that monster. The unknown horrors he might have put his most precious girl through was tearing him apart inside. He wanted to scream and rage at the universe.
Tuxy watched Mamoru pass by him, noticing the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He was hurting more deeply then he was letting on. His fists shaking at his sides, jaw tight working through waves of fury as he moved outside.
Tuxy moved over to Usagi, who was watching the door not blinking, swallowing over and over in anxiousness. He lightly took a her hand in his, seeking to comfort her in his own small way.
She paid him a polite smile, not realizing who he was. Tuxy sighed with disappointment as the unfamiliar look she offered him. She used to be able to sense other's energies, she should be able to tell who he was...what had happened to her that she had sealed off her soul so completely.
A few minutes later, Mamoru returned and with quiet footsteps he padded back into the cabin setting Luna down by the hearth. Usagi dashed to the cat's body, sobbing with relief and burying her face into the dark fur at her neck.
"Thank you...Mamo-chan...Thank you..." She repeated over and over while she cried brokenly against her mother. Joy filling her as she heard the life beating within her body. The innocent security all children no matter how hold were able to draw in times of stress from their parents surging through her. Allowing her to retreat back into that familiar comfort only Luna's pressence could bring.
Mamoru cast her a tearful smile, not understanding the love of a parent or the grief of loosing them. But the great love ebbing from her into the unconscious feline was heartwarming.
He quickly got another fire roaring into the cabin, heating the small space to a comfortable level, banishing the chill in the air. The orange glow flickered soothingly over the room, Luna remained asleep before the fire. With Usagi siting up stiffly, holding her huge button up shirt closed near her neck. Attempting to look casual at her now very apparent need to be modest around them. With her back leaning up against Luna's, facing Mamoru who ate a bowl of lumpy porridge along with Tuxy. Ignoring the strange looks he was casting her along with the little mouse-man's concerned glances.
Mamoru had introduced her to the small man earlier. She immediately gave him a warm embrace giggling with a veiled happiness as seeing him again.
Tuxy was sad, she kept her emotions in check not allowing herself to truly feel. Hiding inside herself, acting so guarded and distant. So unlike the fun loving, sweet princess he had known. He wasn't obtuse enough not to understand she had endured a great trauma to make this way. He only wished he could have been in time to save her from this pain.
The awkward night continued, with Tuxy retreating to the bed and crawling under the blankets soon he fell asleep. His deep puffs of breath and shallow whistle of air between his buck teeth whispering through the cabin. While Usagi never left Luna's side, her knees drawn up to rest under her chin lost in her thoughts. Until Mamoru moved to sit beside her, staring down at her with deep concern. His face etched with shifting emotions from fear, to sympathy as she refused to look at him.
"I can't handle this...Usako please...I need you?" Mamoru voice broke slightly, his armour fading away. Leaving him back in his light blue boxers, the fire light casting a bronze sheen over the taunt muscles of his bare chest.
Usagi's heart twisted in pain, casting her head to the side unable to look at him. As she sought to carry out the final killing blow to their love. They were not meant to be, she couldn't be with him without the Universe retaliating against everyone she loved. This relationship was cursed and she could not place her happiness above the safety of her family.
"Don't touch me..." She shuffled away a few inches, as she caught sight of him reaching for her. Her voice sounded low, hallow and dead.
Mamoru let his arm drop, was she angry with him for not saving her or for their encounter in the shared dream did he go to far with her. Now she regretted it...or was this Diamonde's doing?
His guts were twisting, his head exploding with a burning pain.
Usagi cried out in both physical and emotional pain, clutching her head with her hands while frustrated tears drew down her cheeks.
"I am so sorry, for not getting there in time to save you from him." His voice cracked with misery. His chest tight and heavy, barely able to breath. His heart breaking with mortification for not being there when she needed him most.
Usagi laughed bitterly, still not looking at him but at the floor in front of her. "You were so sick...You did everything you could to find me...but I needed to find the power to save myself this time...and I did." She had a pride in her tone.
"The man on the road?" Mamoru questioned.
"Was Diamonde. I killed him, after I turned into a Guardian. I thought he had killed Luna, I am so happy you managed to heal her and bring her back to life." She finally cast him a warm smile, averting her gaze before it lingered to long.
"Wow...so all those times that I saw all the power within you before?" Mamoru breathed in awe.
"Was the Senshi Powers of the Moon seeding within my soul...yes." Usagi beamed with pride.
He was so excited for her, his own broad smile graced his features. He wanted to celebrate her finally becoming strong in the same ways as her Guardian's. Knowing it had been a dream of hers for a long time to be just like them and no longer just a princess in need of protection. She was not capable of protecting herself. That was truly monumental to her. Yet he held himself back her closed posture very apparent, wrapping his arms around his knees instead.
A long pregnant silence followed. As both sought to hide within their thoughts, finding the courage to keep talking.
"Usagi do you regret making love to me in Elysian?" Mamoru breathed in rising sorrow, needing to find out the truth.
"Mamoru...that was only a dream it didn't happen." She stated softly, picking at the floor with a fingernail. Her voice
breaking, betraying the despair she felt over the wonderful illusion that had crushed her soul.
"Yes...It did. I would know. It's my magic...it was more then just a dream." Mamoru relented, "I love you Usako...and that was the most important moment of my life it had to be real. I feel it in my heart." He moved to kneel in front of her, his soulful blue eyes searching hers.
Usagi stared back at him, confusion fighting with both hope and a defeated spirit. He quickly reached for her hands, clasping them in his.
"We are soul mates...Usako. I believe nothing can stand in the way of our love. " Mamoru needed her to believe in his words.
"But the only thing that has come from our love, is pain and suffering." Usagi face was crumbling near tears once more. "I want to believe that it was you who took my innocence, but when I woke up I heard the demon's talking and Diamonde..." Usagi choked on her sobs unable to voice more then a whisper of the agony he had put her through. "He took me...while I slept!" she hissed, her body shivering with shame.
Mamoru felt moisture falling down his own face, at the horror she had been put through because he hadn't been strong enough or intelligent enough to figure out the Demon's plot to capture her.
"I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't love you. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore..." She rose quickly to her feet, her gut burning cold. Unable to look at the soul shattering hurt upon his face, she sought to run from him. As she hide her face in her hands. Hot tears falling onto her trembling hands. Her soul enveloped by a shroud of anguish. Shoulder's shuttering as she released her pain, her heart racing with the tension of the moment.
Mamoru stood after her, feeling the very fabric of Destiny, of the Universe tremble upon her words. His mind burned with a white fire as she denied their love.
"I can't live without you! I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, I will never find a more perfect woman. I only want you...Usako! You can't give up on us!" Mamoru cried after her, his head splitting. As she ripped out his heart in only a few choice words. He groaned clutching his head, as he stumbled to his knees.
Usagi screamed out in agony, only making it two steps from him when the pain in her head sent her to the floor in pure agony.
"It's hurts!...It's hurts!" she wailed, curling up in a ball seeking to comfort herself.
(It hurts because you two are soul bonded, and you are rejecting the link, Serenity. ) Luna's eloquent voice echoed in both their minds.
Usagi slowly sucked in air, her eyes flying open in surprise. Hands still clasped tight to her ears, knees drawing under her chin as she lay on her side. Staring blankly at the deep shadows on the dirty log wall beside the hearth. The words rang with the power of truth, filling her dead heart with light once more.
(Serenity, stop hurting yourself. Stop blocking his love...) Luna kept up, her voice soothing both of them.
(Let it all go... the shame, the hurt, the dark thoughts that you torture yourself with. All the lies, you have convinced yourself as truths. I smelled only Mamoru on you that night. Diamonde never got the chance to touch you. I made certain of that!) She finished with a snarl of distain.
Usagi's breath hitched, her heart overflowing with hope and life once more.
(I am Mamoru's...) She blinked, speaking with awe and bliss in her mind. Repeating it over and over sealing the truth of it into the fabric of the Universe. Repairing the red thread of fate that had brought them together.
(Always...) Mamoru answered back softly, their bond clean and clear as it should have been. So very thankful that Luna spoke up, vouching for him with such certainty.
(Mamo-chan!) She exclaimed, her mind humming with loving feelings, with his devotion and pure exhilaration that they were finally bonded heart and soul. All the pain she had been feeling since last night faded as if it had never been.
Mamoru glanced up from the floor in time to catch his little bunny leaping into his arms. Kissing every inch of his face eagerly. Mamoru laughed heartily, unable to contain his joy or his balance as her propelled weight carried him to the floor behind Luna.
Luna turned her face to greet the lovers, now devouring each other wholly. She laughed with genuine warmth as the two engaged in their passionate kisses. She couldn't deny any longer that they were meant for each other. But their road ahead was fraught with grief and loss. For she knew upon figuring out who Mamoru truly was that their love was cursed...cursed long ago by a powerful God. The same God who had turned Mamoru's homeland into dead stone.
Usagi legs straddled his groin over his boxers, her arms wrapped around his neck taking him in the deepest most passionate kiss she could muster. Mamoru enjoyed every second of her in his arms. His hands encircling her small waist on the outside of the huge shirt. Holding tight to his only love, his goddess, his angel who had saved his soul and made his life worth living.
They never let go of one another, never stopped touching or kissing each other all night. Soon falling into a comforting, blissful sleep on the floor behind Luna. With Usagi cradled on top of Mamoru's chest, finishing the prefect sleep she had been denied that night in Elysian.