Authors Note: This is the last chapter, and I'd like to thank everyone who has read this, and especially those who've taken the time to review it too. Your feedback and positive words have made this all the more enjoyable, and has encouraged me to write a follow-up which I hope will be up before the end of the year. For now though, thanks for reading! x
Final Chapter
May 1969
It had now been two months since Mike had moved out of Micky's house. Another brief meeting with the bands management was the only time Micky and Mike had seen each other since Mike's house-warming party a few weeks before.
One of Micky's neighbours, Harry, who lived only two doors down from Micky's house, was hosting a party that night. Mike's friend had mentioned it to him, encouraging him to come along, but knowing that Micky would be there put Mike off.
Mike was beginning to struggle when anyone would so much as mention Micky's name. Rehearsals for the tour were due to start in just a couple of weeks time and Mike had no idea how he was going to handle being around Micky so often and working with him so closely. And as for the actual tour - Mike could hardly bare to think about it.
At the same time, Mike missed seeing Micky's face. He missed seeing his smile and hearing his laugh. Mike felt, in a twisted way, that Micky was like an addiction. Mike knew that if he saw Micky's face, it would hurt. But at the same time he needed to see it.
Mike had heard from mutual friends that Micky and Samantha were still going strong. Mike was genuinely happy about that, and knowing that Micky was okay seemed to get Mike through the day, and it made him feel like everything he'd done was worthwhile, despite his own pain.
So although Mike was sure he'd regret it, he decided he would be attending Harry's party that night. He knew he couldn't hide away and avoid Micky forever - he needed to get on with it, as awkward as it would be.
It was late that night, and Harry's party was in full swing. Micky had seen Mike arrive a few hours before, but they hadn't spoken to each other. Micky and Samantha were dancing together, although Micky kept being distracted by Mike who had struck up a pleasant conversation with a stunning brunette woman. Micky had been keeping an eye on the pair for quite some time, and it was fairly obvious that Mike and the mystery lady were getting along swimmingly.
"You know those two weeks you have off after rehearsals and before the tour starts..?" Samantha asked as her and Micky danced, her arms flung around his neck.
"Yeah..?" Micky looked down at his girlfriend curiously.
"Well, my parents keep telling me they really want to see you now we're back together again, so I was thinking we should go to England together." Samantha suggested with a grin.
Micky's face fell somewhat. "Uh, don't you think that's a bit soon?" He asked her nervously.
"Why?" Samantha looked puzzled.
"It just seems a bit fast, that's all." Micky shot Mike another glance, and he was getting increasingly frustrated and jealous that Mike seemed so occupied with this lady.
"I know we've only been back on for six weeks but it's not like we've only just got together. We were together for eight months before." Samantha looked a little put out.
"I don't know..." Micky really wasn't certain, and he started to feel a bit suffocated.
"They're my parents; it's not as if you haven't met them before." Samantha pressed. "They really like you."
"And I like them, I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet." Micky blurted out.
Samantha let go of Micky, and stopped dancing. "I thought you were serious about me?"
Micky was suddenly stumped. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.
Samantha was shocked that Micky wasn't putting her mind at rest.
"You called me and said you missed me and letting me go was the worst thing you ever did." Samantha said, folding her arms and staring at Micky expectantly.
Micky was beginning to get stressed out. "Let's not do this now." He said as he looked around awkwardly, not wanting to cause a scene.
"No, I want to do this now." Samantha wasn't backing down. "Why don't you want to visit my parents?"
"I just, I- I don't know. I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not yet." Micky stressed.
"But you are serious about me, aren't you?" Samantha questioned.
"Look, let's just enjoy our night, yeah?" Micky suggested. "We'll talk later."
"Don't avoid the question!" Samantha raised her voice slightly, annoyed that Micky wasn't being straight with her. "Why won't you answer me?"
"Because- because I-" Micky held his arms out with his mouth open as if he was trying to think of something to say; but he had nothing. He then glanced towards Mike and the girl he was talking to, and noticed they were both looking in his and Samantha's direction.
"You what, Micky?" Samantha pressed.
"Please...let's not do this here. We can talk later." Micky said on the hush.
"No! I told you I want to talk now. Just say what you want to say!" Samantha glared at Micky.
"I... I don't think this is working." Micky finally said, realising he wasn't being fair stringing Samantha along.
"You what?!" Samantha shouted. "You can't be serious?"
"I'm sorry, okay?" Micky told her. "I'm so sorry, I just think we want different things."
"But you called me, you said you wanted us to get back together!" Samantha was exasperated.
"I know I said that, and I'm sorry. I thought it was what I wanted." Micky stressed.
"Are you actually breaking up with me?" Samantha questioned.
Several people - including Mike - were now watching the quarrelling pair, and Mike was horrified to notice it looked as if Micky's relationship was falling apart.
"I'm really sorry, Sam." Micky said sadly, a little embarrassed that they'd gained an audience.
"Sorry? Sorry?!" Samantha was livid. "I was over you! I had moved on with my life and then you said you wanted me back! Why the hell would you do that if you were just planning on dumping me six weeks later?!"
"I never said this was forever! I said I wanted to give things another try, I didn't say I wanted to take trips to England or that I planned on spending the rest of my life with you!" Micky shouted in his defence. "I'm really sorry if you got the wrong idea!"
"I just assumed you wanted more than that! You never told me otherwise!" Samantha yelled. "You should've told me if you just wanted some fun!"
"I thought we'd just see where things were going, but you're moving so fast and...and I can't do this!" Micky was getting distressed, and he was horrified to notice Mike was watching him intently. "I can't do any of this!"
"I can't believe you, Micky. I can't believe you're dumping me!" Samantha started to cry. "You're such an arsehole!"
"I'm not, I just...I'm so sorry. You're amazing but I just can't do this." Micky found himself in a total panic. The whole room was staring at him, wondering what on earth was going on, and Micky felt totally overwhelmed. He felt suffocated by Samantha and he felt like all the hurt he'd been burying for the past two months was about to spill out of the surface.
Micky feeling Mike's eyes on him just made the whole scene even worse, and he needed to get out.
"I'm sorry." Micky choked, and he hurried quickly out of the room, his head hanging as he tried to avoid everyone's gaze.
Mike had watched - and heard - everything that was said between Micky and Samantha, and he was absolutely livid that Micky had thrown away a perfectly good relationship just like that. Mike couldn't stand seeing Micky upset, and he instinctively hurried after him, leaving the beautiful woman he was talking to and all the guests to carry on with the party.
Mike hurried out of the house and down on to the street where he saw Micky rushing off in the direction of his own house which was just a couple of doors down. Mike virtually ran to keep up with Micky, knowing that Micky would probably lock himself away before Mike had a chance to say anything.
Mike rushed up the drive to Micky's house, where Micky was then letting himself in the door. Micky noticed he'd been followed, and was absolutely mortified to see Mike hot on his tail.
"Get away from me." Micky called as he got his front door open and stormed inside.
Just as Micky was about to slam the door shut behind him, Mike reached it, pushing his hand against the door and forcing his way indoors.
Micky strode into his house, and Mike slammed the door shut behind him, rushing up to Micky and grabbing hold of his arm, turning the younger man to face him.
"Why the hell did you do that?!" Mike shouted furiously.
"Fuck you!" Micky shrugged Mike off of him. "You don't fucking care, why the hell are you even here?"
"She was good for you! You had a good thing goin' there! Why the hell did you just screw it up?"
"Because I don't want her! I don't want her! Are you happy now? Are you happy? Have you come here to fucking gloat? Are you happy with what you've turned me into?!" Micky was furious, but he also looked on the brink of tears. Mike feared Micky was about to have some kind of breakdown.
"You were happy with her!" Mike was mortified. "She made you happy!"
"You don't know shit!" Micky shouted. "Get the hell out of my house!"
"I ain't going nowhere, Micky." Mike spat. He was absolutely horrified by the state Micky was in. Micky was so distressed, so frantic, and Mike had no idea what to say to him to calm him down.
"I hate you." Micky's voice was breaking. "Look what you've done to me. Why the hell are you here? What the hell do you want?!"
Micky felt as bad as he looked. He was shaking from head to toe, and his eyes were starting to tear up. Micky felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and it was all becoming too much. The pain of the last couple of months had finally become too hard to bare, and Mike standing in front of him just made him hurt even more.
Micky rushed forward, shoving Mike hard in the chest. Mike was stunned to silence, and all he could do was stand there as the words poured from Micky's mouth.
"I fucking hate you!" Micky shouted, his anger overcoming him, and he shoved Mike again. "What do you want? Are you here to see what a fucking mess I am? See the damage you've caused? Well here it is, here I am. I don't want your pity! I don't need fucking shit from you, Mike! I don't need shit! Leave me alone! You don't fucking care about me! I don't want you anywhere near me!"
Mike stood there almost paralysed, a lump forming in his throat as he looked at the mess he'd made in front of him.
Micky shoved Mike hard in the chest again, trying to provoke him. "Is this what you want? Do you like seeing me like this?" Micky yelled - his voice had broken.
Mike shook his head frantically, staggering backwards, too shocked and upset to speak. Seeing his boy's face scrunched up in pain, anger and misery ripped Mike's heart to shreds. Knowing he was the cause of Micky's pain only made him feel a thousand times worse.
"Why are you here?!" Micky grabbed the front of Mike's shirt, shouting in his face. "Tell me! Why the hell are you here?!"
"Because I love you." Mike choked.
Micky's breath got caught in his throat. His eyes were wide and filled with tears, but now the look of sadness and desperation was exchanged for a look of sheer shock. Micky let go of Mike's shirt, stepping back away from him, unable to comprehend what he'd just heard.
Mike couldn't believe he'd just let slip the three words he vowed never to say, and he felt like he'd ruined everything. Mike too was on the brink, on the brink of giving up completely. His lip started to tremble and he turned away quickly, burying his face in his hands, devastated by the hurt he'd caused Micky.
"But you left me." Micky said in the smallest voice Mike had ever heard.
Mike rubbed his face, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening his eyes. "I did it for you." He choked. "It's all been for you."
Micky stood there totally stunned. His eyes were wide and he stared at Mike in sheer disbelief.
"Y-You said you didn't want me." Micky stammered, his voice shaking, his eyes shimmering with tears.
"I've always wanted you. I-I never stopped wanting you." Mike replied quietly, his voice shaky and quiet, and his back still facing Micky. "I only s-said that so you'd let me go."
Micky was overcome with confusion. He found it hard to process what Mike was saying to him.
"I thought you'd be happier without me." Mike whispered, unable to look at Micky. "I thought you were happy with Sam."
Micky shook his head, although Mike couldn't see it. "No." He replied, his voice high and soft.
Micky stepped forward, touching Mike's arm, encouraging the Texan to face him.
Mike finally turned around, and he looked at Micky through bleary eyes. "I'm sorry." Mike gasped, the breath getting caught in his throat. "I was trying to protect you."
Micky shook his head slowly again. "But I just wanted you. I love you."
"I know... I know you do. That's why I had to leave." Mike confessed, his voice trembling. "You told me in your sleep... I was scared you were in too deep. I had to end it before it got any further... You deserve so much more than this, Micky. I only want you to be happy."
"But I'm not happy." Micky whimpered. "I'm not happy without you."
"I'm sorry, Mick." Mike whispered, staring Micky straight in the eye. "I'm so sorry."
Micky grabbed Mike, and they wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace, hugging each other as if it was the last thing they'd ever do.
"I miss you..." Micky breathed into Mike's skin, his voice shaking.
Micky gripped the back of Mike's shirt while Mike fisted the soft curls on Micky's head, holding the slightly younger man so tight he feared he might break him.
"I love you, Mick. I love you." Mike strained to say in a whisper into Micky's shoulder.
Micky buried his face in the crook of Mike's neck. "Please let us do this... I don't care about anything else. I don't care if we have to keep it a secret. I don't care what happens if anyone finds out. P-Please, Mike... I need you. I'm lost without you."
Mike closed his eyes, breathing in Micky's sweet scent. He pulled back, taking hold of Micky's face in his hands and staring at him with determination.
"Are you sure?" Mike sniffed hard, blinking his eyes fast in an attempt to regain composure. "I need you to be sure, Micky. You're going to be sacrificing and riskin' so much for me."
"But you'll be risking it all too." Micky's voice still sounded on the brink of cracking completely.
"Nothing matters as much as you. I don't care about me." Mike said with certainty, blinking hard.
"But I do." Micky narrowed his eyes, driving his point home. "Don't you get it?"
"I know." Mike whispered, stroking Micky's face softly. "I know you do."
Micky gazed at Mike lovingly, longingly, and the pair were hypnotised by each other.
"I've missed you so much." Mike whispered, enchanted by the boy in front of him, carefully touching Micky's curly hair.
"I've hated this... I've hated these two months." Micky admitted. "I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to be without you anymore."
Mike stared at Micky, seeing the sureness in his eyes. "I need you to be certain this is what you want. We can't do things that normal couples do... we can't go to dinner together or the movies or walk along the beach hand-in-hand. If we do this, this is it. This house and my house, that's it. That's all we have."
"I don't need anything else. Nothing else is important to me. I just want to be with you." Micky's voice was wobbling, and his eyes were still shimmering with tears.
Mike nodded. "Okay." He whispered. "I just need to know you'll be happy."
"You make me happy. You always have. You're everything, Mike... I can't be without you. I don't work... I-I don't know what I've been doing. I just want us to be together and I don't care about anything or anyone else. I just need you." Micky's eyes pleaded with Mike.
"I need you too, Mick." Mike whispered. "I'm so sorry for what I've done to you."
Micky shook his head, effectively telling Mike it didn't matter. He then leaned in, kissing Mike on the lips gently.
Mike wanted this kiss to last forever. Mike wanted to savour this moment as if it would be the last, but he knew it was just the beginning. It was only a small kiss, but it was powerful and passionate and it was filled with love.
Micky broke the kiss slowly, but he still stayed within a couple of inches from Mike's face. "We're gonna do this." He whispered.
Mike nodded.
Micky put his hand to the Texan's face, caressing Mike's cheek softly with his thumb. "Shall we go to bed?" He asked quietly.
Mike nodded once more, almost unable to speak. He felt nervous and giddy and excited and completely overcome and over-awed with how the evening had unfolded. Micky was feeling much the same, although it was he who took charge, taking hold of Mike's hand and leading him upstairs to the bedroom.
Mike and Micky didn't fuck - they made love. It wasn't an act with the set goal of reaching an orgasm. It was far more than that. They kissed and held each other for ages before they did the 'deed'. And when they did, it was slow. It was sensual. It was loving and tender and kind. They gazed into each other eyes, into each other's souls, knowing that there were no longer any secrets between them. They weren't hiding this thing called 'love'. They weren't pretending what they had wasn't real, or it wasn't a relationship. Because they both knew that now, now this was a relationship. This was the beginning of a relationship that would be incredibly tough, challenging and complicated. This was never going to be easy, but they didn't care, because life would be much harder if they were apart. They knew this was the start of a journey that could see them lose much of what they knew, and possibly some of what they loved, but somehow, in that moment, they didn't care. It was worth it. It was worth the risk of losing it all, because at the end of the day, they couldn't possibly lose everything; not if they still had each other.
Afterwards, the two of them laid together in the perfect silence of Micky's bedroom. Micky laid as he had usually done before, with his head resting on Mike's chest. Mike absent-mindedly played with Micky's curls as if they could occupy his fingers for hours. Their long legs were entwined, and neither of them spoke for a long time. They held each other, enjoying the moment, enjoying the feeling of being together after those two long months apart.
"I don't ever want to be without you." Micky whispered thoughtfully, breaking the silence only slightly.
"You ain't gonna be." Mike replied lazily, gazing at the ceiling, one of Micky's curls lost between the Texan's finger and thumb.
Micky rolled on to his stomach so he could look at Mike. He watched him for several moments, simply looking at the Texan through sleepy, after-sex eyes. Mike thought Micky looked completely beautiful.
"I don't care how tough it gets, you know." Micky said quietly. "I feel like we can face anything if we've got each other."
Mike gazed at Micky, taking in what he'd said - and believing him. "I was only tryin' to do the right thing by you, by leaving you."
"I know." Micky nodded, giving Mike a small smile. He pushed that sweep of black hair back from Mike's eyes.
The two of them stared at each other for what felt like forever, watching each other without saying a single word.
"You're beautiful." Micky whispered, his eyes fixed on Mike's face. He carefully stroked Mike's cheek with the side of his finger, hardly able to believe the Texan was really beside him. "I'm so in love with you."
Mike's cheeks flushed red. He felt this feeling inside of him that seemed to be taking over his entire body. It was a feeling he wasn't used to, and he couldn't recall feeling it for a very, very long time. And even when he had felt this feeling before, it wasn't as strong or intense as it was now. It started at the very tips of his toes and seemed to work it's way up right through his very core, until it finally reached his face where it caused the corners of his mouth to turn upwards into a smile. That feeling was happiness. Real, genuine, pure happiness that seemed to wash away any fear Mike had inside of him.
Micky's entire face lit up as he could almost visibly see Mike's happiness radiate from the inside out. His eyes shone with joy, and he beamed from ear-to-ear, thrilled to pieces that Mike was happy at last.
Seeing Micky's boyish face dance with happiness warmed Mike's soul, and he found his own face respond in a similar fashion, unable to contain the huge smile from taking over his face.
They beamed at each other before Mike lifted his head to kiss Micky firmly on the lips. When they parted, Micky rubbed their noses together as he always did, that smile still plastered on his face and his almond-shaped eyes glowing with happiness.
Mike's face grew serious, and he sighed contently. "This is the beginning for us." He said surely.
Micky's smile somehow managed to grow even bigger, and he nodded his head. "The beginning." He agreed. "I love you, Michael."
"I love you too, Mick."